Mystery Science Theater 3000: From Best To Weakest
by fedor8 | created - 12 Apr 2011 | updated - 03 Dec 2022 | PublicThis isn't yet another pointless alphabetical listing of all the movies covered by MST3K. You can find such lists on Wikipedia and dozens of other sites.
The purpose of this list is to correct the often lousy and inaccurate appraisals of individual episodes by some fanatical but deluded MST3K fans. People who set up MST fan-sites get a lot of it wrong, so I figured it's time to set the record straight and give you a much better idea of which episodes to seek out and which to avoid or leave for later. The unusual nature of the show means that the quality sometimes varies drastically from episode to episode.
There are a handful of MST3K fan sites with extensive and detailed info about all the episodes, including ratings. While their effort is duly noted and appreciated, most of the rabid MST3K fans tend to favour the more childish type of riffing, which is more to be found during the Joel era, i.e. the earlier seasons. Pop-culture references are all they're interested in, sending them into fits of hysteria, and they even place great importance on the skits. But this is just a general rule.
I prefer the more dry, sarcastic approach found prevalently in the later seasons with Mike, rather than the more "tee-hee-hee" type of humour from the Joel era. So if your favourite episode is the badly-riffed "Eegah", you might as well skip this list altogether - or reverse the order, i.e. make the worst-rated episode here the one that should interest you most.
There are two ratings per entry:
RIFFING - reflects the quality of the gags/comments; anything above a 2/5 is a successfully riffed episode
MOVIE - rates the so-bad-it's-good fun factor the movie provides on its own i.e. this grade does not only reflect the level of badness or incompetence of the movie's makers but whether the film itself is colourful/fun or monotonous/bland
Skits i.e. "host segments" do not factor in at all, nor do I mention them in my comments. While some of them are quite good, they are not the reason I watch the show.
Movie shorts also don't affect the ratings, and are very rarely mentioned. They would require a separate list.
I've chosen to list the shows in the (approximate) order of the RIFFING quality, but the MOVIE rating is also fairly important in the overall enjoyment of each episode.
Considering what drivel most TV audiences go for, it was nothing short of miraculous that MST3K went on for 10 seasons. I am amazed they weren't cancelled after just a dozen episodes, given that the show is intelligent and contains a number of obscure references none of which the average MTV airhead will be able to figure out.
The surprising longevity of the show also means that I simply haven't had the time to watch all of the episodes yet. More will be added gradually. Listed are the ones I have seen so far, i.e. at the moment 130/177.
Included are the Comedy Central and Sci-Fi eras, plus the feature film.
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1. Space Mutiny (1988)
Not Rated | 91 min | Action, Adventure, Romance
A pilot is the only hope to stop the mutiny of a spacecraft by its security crew, who plot to sell the crew of the ship into slavery.
Directors: David Winters, Neal Sundstrom | Stars: Reb Brown, John Phillip Law, James Ryan, Cameron Mitchell
Votes: 7,393
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 5/5
The movie is so cretinous it pretty much mocks itself, the rest is just a formality. Possibly the only film ever made in which a murdered character re-appears without any explanation whatsoever. Does this constitute disastrous continuity or a lack of continuity? A question for filmic philosophers and semantics experts to answer.
There is only one aspect of the movie that isn't Z-grade level: the space battle scenes, all of which were lifted/borrowed from "Battlestar Galactica". It surprised me that there was no mention of this in the commentary; stranger still, they even made fun of these very solid special-effects as "lame".
2. The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
R | 86 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
An astronaut is transformed into a murderous gelatinous mass after returning from an ill-fated space voyage.
Director: William Sachs | Stars: Alex Rebar, Burr DeBenning, Myron Healey, Michael Alldredge
Votes: 5,256
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
If you watch the movie you will learn of ATCHKA. That's a promise.
Consistently funny riffing, especially during the end-credits when the trio discuss what sorts of things they'd learned from the movie.
3. Killers from Space (1954)
Passed | 71 min | Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi
An atomic scientist claims he was abducted by aliens after being injured in a plane crash.
Director: W. Lee Wilder | Stars: Peter Graves, James Seay, Steve Pendleton, Frank Gerstle
Votes: 2,558
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
Not formally an MST3K episode, it was done during the very short-lived FILM CREW series, which came several years after MST3K, and just before Rifftrax was started. FILM CREW ended before it could even properly begin, due to legal reasons. There are only 3-4 movies made for this series, with the same trio as the Nelson era i.e. the same three guys that are on most Rifftrax episodes. With the difference that this one has only Mike and Bill.
Excellent riffing makes this obscure episode a must. Especially the first 10-20 minutes are almost non-stop laugh-out-loud. The movie itself provides plenty of cheese, but prevalently during the second half. The first half tends to be more dry and dull in the stereotypical 50s B-movie vein.
4. Werewolf (1995 Video)
R | 99 min | Horror
Unscrupulous archaeologists try to take advantage of an outbreak of lycanthropy prompted by the discovery of a werewolf skeleton in the Arizona desert.
Director: Tony Zarindast | Stars: Jorge Rivero, Richard Lynch, Federico Cavalli, Adriana Stastny
Votes: 3,988
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
The perpetual look of desperation on Joe Estevez's face: the result of realizing he's in an awful movie, or is it the result of the fear and insecurity of living up to a "great script"? I've seen this episode many times but could never figure this out.
Judging by the intelligence exhibited by his famous family members, it might just be the latter.
5. The Mole People (1956)
Approved | 77 min | Adventure, Fantasy, Horror
A party of archaeologists discovers the remnants of a mutant five-millennia-old Sumerian civilization living beneath a glacier atop a mountain in Mesopotamia.
Director: Virgil W. Vogel | Stars: John Agar, Cynthia Patrick, Hugh Beaumont, Alan Napier
Votes: 3,996
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 5/5
These are the kinds of bad B-movies I love the most. Thankfully, the guys are in top form so this is pretty much a perfect episode. Underground slave lizards have never been this much fun.
6. Night of the Blood Beast (1958)
Not Rated | 62 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
An astronaut is killed on reentry to Earth, but his body is seeded with rapidly gestating aliens.
Director: Bernard L. Kowalski | Stars: Michael Emmet, Angela Greene, John Baer, Ed Nelson
Votes: 2,269
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
I'm surprised they were barely talked into riffing this splendid piece of cheesy nonsense. It is full of comedic potential which was exploited to the hilt, such as a pregnant male astronaut torn between his NASA buddies and a large alien parrot.
7. The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
Unrated | 54 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A defecting Soviet scientist is hit by a nuclear explosion near Yucca Flats and roams around as a beast.
Director: Coleman Francis | Stars: Douglas Mellor, Barbara Francis, Bing Stafford, Larry Aten
Votes: 10,431
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 3/5
This episode also has the best short, "Progress Island, USA", which literally had me falling to the ground. One of the funniest things they'd ever done.
The Yuccoflattian beast is Tor Johnson, btw, and not even Ed Wood could eke out more cheese out of him than this.
TBOYF is one of the most chaotic movies in the series. Off-camera action and dialogue, random narration, almost non-existent plot, it not only has several Ed Wood alumni in it but it bears some resemblance to his own movies.
8. Red Zone Cuba (1966)
89 min | Action, Adventure, Crime
Escaped convict Griffin and his friends ran all the way to Hell...with a penny, and a broken cigarette.
Director: Coleman Francis | Stars: Coleman Francis, Anthony Cardoza, Harold Saunders, John Carradine
Votes: 6,526
aka "Red Zone Cuba"
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
The greater the ambition, the bigger the fall - at least when it comes to dilettantes. Ed Wood cherished his "Plan 9" above all else, and I have a feeling that Coleman Francis loves this one the most; he certainly seems to be taking it very seriously - luckily for us.
Cuba and Castro like you've never seen them before. Useful insight though into why the U.S. failed at the Bay of Pigs: sending 6 amateur soldiers ain't gonna get the job done!
9. Quest of the Delta Knights (1993 Video)
PG | 97 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
A secret society, the Delta Knights, attempts to save a medieval society from the evil over-lady.
Director: James Dodson | Stars: David Warner, Corbin Allred, David Kriegel, Brigid Brannagh
Votes: 1,901
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
Considered a weak episode among MST3K fans, for whatever bizarre reasons. Perhaps they're annoyed Mary Jo Pehl got to do some riffing, no idea. She wasn't bad at all.
The costumes and make-up in this pathetic little kids flick are bargain-basement; the basement is infested with rats, i.e. the rat-poison is ineffective hence sold at a bargain.
TQOTDK toys with the Lea-Han-Luke type of "Star Wars" love-triangle shtick, and I'm surprised the team didn't pick up on this and comment on it.
10. The Horror of Party Beach (1964)
Approved | 78 min | Horror, Musical
Sea creatures created from radioactive sludge terrorize a beach community.
Director: Del Tenney | Stars: John Lyon, Alice Lyon, Allan Laurel, Eulabelle Moore
Votes: 3,193
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
11. This Island Earth (1955)
Passed | 86 min | Horror, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Aliens come to Earth seeking scientists to help them in their war.
Directors: Joseph M. Newman, Jack Arnold | Stars: Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, Rex Reason, Lance Fuller
Votes: 10,675
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 5/5
It's astounding that some people consider this movie to be too good for an MST3K treatment. TIE melts with the highest quality American cheese, and is perfect for mocking.
12. Sadko (1953)
79 min | Adventure, Fantasy
Arriving home to find his native land under the yoke of corrupt merchants, an adventurer named Sadko sets sail in search of a mythical bird of happiness.
Director: Aleksandr Ptushko | Stars: Sergey Stolyarov, Alla Larionova, Ninel Myshkova, B. Surovtsev
Votes: 1,228
aka "The Magic Voyage Of Sinbad"
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 5/5
It's a pity they didn't do more Russian films, only four. I love the fact that the hero fails, and then tries to make up some damn excuse.
13. The Leech Woman (1960)
Not Rated | 77 min | Horror, Romance, Sci-Fi
An endocrinologist in a dysfunctional marriage with an aging, alcoholic wife journeys to Africa seeking a drug that will restore youth.
Director: Edward Dein | Stars: Coleen Gray, Grant Williams, Phillip Terry, Gloria Talbott
Votes: 2,144
Riffing: 5/5
Movie: 4/5
Never has a mere ring been such a powerful weapon - not even Tolkien's ring, and certainly no pineal ring. Then again, there never WAS such a thing as a pineal ring in any fiction before - because no B-movie or pulp novel was ever this stupid. (OK, so there are lot worse movies, but only the Z-category ones).
The Leech Woman, previously without any combat training, uses a pointy little ring to kill with such ease and efficiency, even Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris are red with envy.
TLW also features one huge plot-hole, and an enormously dumb plot-device.
The plot hole: it is never explained WHY the 152 year-old black woman came into Niel's office. Judging from what transpired, I can only make the following deduction: she decided that she had to finally die, so she thought "oh, what the hell, before I trek to Africa I'll just go this guy's office, he keeps appearing in my dream so obviously I gotta lull him into his death somehow".
The plot-device: the Leach Woman regains her youth, suddenly becoming... startlingly average-looking, actually. Nevertheless, her nothing-special looks are enough to break off a couple's engagement and ruin their relationship within MINUTES. The young lawyer acts as if he'd seen the most ravishing woman in the history of mankind and proceeds to flirt with Leech Woman right in front of his fiancee's nose! Some of the best riffing revolves around these ridiculous scenes.
Every single character in this movie is a potential or actual murderer. This flick is so wonderfully retarded, it provides for ample ridicule.
14. Hercules (1958)
G | 107 min | Adventure, Fantasy, History
The muscular Hercules performs his Labors, sails with the Argonauts, and romances the fair Iole.
Director: Pietro Francisci | Stars: Steve Reeves, Sylva Koscina, Fabrizio Mioni, Ivo Garrani
Votes: 2,334 | Gross: $10.90M
aka "Hercules"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
15. The Pumaman (1980)
90 min | Action, Adventure, Crime
Thousands of years ago, aliens visited Earth and fathered the Pumaman, a man-god with supernatural powers entrusted by a gold mask with the ability to control people's minds, which in present-day London, falls upon the wrong hands.
Director: Alberto De Martino | Stars: Walter George Alton, Donald Pleasence, Miguel Ángel Fuentes, Sydne Rome
Votes: 4,692
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
One of MST3K's more pathetic movie heroes, dirt-awful special-effects, and an astoundingly dumb plot are the main culprits of fun in this bizarre Italian turkey. I don't know many movies in which a "good guy" throws people out of windows.
16. Danger!! Death Ray (1967)
Not Rated | 93 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Secret Agent Bart Fargo chases the kidnappers of the inventor of a death ray.
Director: Gianfranco Baldanello | Stars: Gordon Scott, Delfi Mauro, Nello Pazzafini, Alberto Dalbés
Votes: 898
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
17. The Screaming Skull (1958)
Unrated | 68 min | Horror, Thriller
A newly married couple arrives at the home of the husband's late wife, where the gardens have been maintained by a gardener faithful to the dead woman's memory. Soon, eerie events lead the new wife to think she's losing her mind.
Director: Alex Nicol | Stars: John Hudson, Peggy Webber, Russ Conway, Tony Johnson
Votes: 3,957
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
18. The Touch of Satan (1971)
PG | 90 min | Horror
A young man finds himself in a strange town with strange things going on. Two sisters, possessed, create a Jekyll-Hyde atmosphere where bizarre killings occur. Our hero fall in love an enters a new world of mind-shattering experiences.
Director: Don Henderson | Stars: Michael Berry, Emby Mellay, Lee Amber, Yvonne Winslow
Votes: 3,145
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
Very funny gags, especially in the first half. A rather drawn out, formulaic, cheap horror film that is nevertheless head-and-shoulders above most MST3K-spoofed films. The movie benefits from its 70s charm; if it had been a 90s cheapie it would have been far less fun.
I didn't understand the "Moebius strip" reference. His comics aren't known for being "in a loop". If they were referring to him.
19. Future War (1997 Video)
Unrated | 90 min | Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi
A run-away human slave from Earth's future escapes to the present.
Director: Anthony Doublin | Stars: Daniel Bernhardt, Robert Z'Dar, Travis Brooks Stewart, Kazja
Votes: 4,457
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
Visually this ranks in the TOP 5 UGLIEST MST3K movies, so it's the clever riffing that provides the much-needed relief. Without it, this mega-bomb would be almost unwatchable despite its unbelievable badness.
Possibly a TOP 5 WORST-EVER MST3K film. Not one iota of this movie even remotely suggests that a professional worked on it.
20. Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996 Video)
Unrated | 92 min | Fantasy, Horror
Two creepy "horror" films joined together by Merlin's Shop which is, in turn, introduced by a Grandpa telling the story.
Director: Kenneth J. Berton | Stars: Ernest Borgnine, George Milan, Bunny Summers, John Terrence
Votes: 4,613
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
I have rarely seen uglier make-up and phonier-looking beards as in this little travesty. Ernest Borg 9 appears here, in what must be the highlight of his career - if we were only to count the year 1996.
21. Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)
Approved | 73 min | Sci-Fi
A team of astronauts lands on a moon of Jupiter to find it populated with beautiful young women looking for mates. An old man explains to the explorers the group's story, as well as the moon's dangers.
Director: Cy Roth | Stars: Anthony Dexter, Susan Shaw, Paul Carpenter, Jacqueline Curtis
Votes: 1,984
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
Some of the riffing centered around the "astronauts" is absolutely hysterical. They all smoke, they're dressed like postmen, and they seem unimpressed with the fact that they're the first men to land on an alien world, disinterested even. They're far more interested in lighting up the next cigarette to wile away the boredom.
22. The Projected Man (1966)
Not Rated | 77 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A scientist experimenting with matter transmission by means of a laser beam decides to use himself as a test specimen. But the process goes awry, and one side of his body becomes deformed and lethal to anyone it touches.
Directors: Ian Curteis, John Croydon | Stars: Mary Peach, Bryant Haliday, Norman Wooland, Ronald Allen
Votes: 1,049
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
A typically morose British 60s sci-fi, saved by the commentary. It's ironic that the Brits, so famed for their comedy, made such startlingly humourless and dull horror and science-fiction films back then.
23. Frosty (1965)
84 min | Comedy, Family, Fantasy
A fairy-tale about a conceited young man and a young woman with a tyrannical step-mother, who must overcome magical trials in order to be together.
Director: Aleksandr Rou | Stars: Aleksandr Khvylya, Natalya Sedykh, Eduard Izotov, Inna Churikova
Votes: 5,521
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
One of the weirdest MST3K movies. Colourful, daft, unpredictable. Another Russian gem.
24. Soultaker (1990)
R | 94 min | Fantasy, Horror
Four teenagers are killed in a car accident. Two of the teenagers refuse to go with "The Grim Reaper" and a race between life and death ensues!
Director: Michael Rissi | Stars: Joe Estevez, Vivian Schilling, Gregg Thomsen, Robert Z'Dar
Votes: 3,941 | Gross: $0.23M
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
Martin Sheen's brother Joe Estevez is a clone of Martin's son Emilio. Either that, or Joe is his real father.
The Estevez gene needs to be studied further. This much we do know already, however: it is not necessarily an acting gene.
25. The Bat People (1974)
PG | 93 min | Horror, Romance
After being bitten by a bat in a cave, a doctor undergoes an accelerating transformation into a man-bat, which ruins his vacation and causes considerable distress for his wife.
Director: Jerry Jameson | Stars: Stewart Moss, Marianne McAndrew, Michael Pataki, Paul Carr
Votes: 2,647
aka "It Lives By Night"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
26. Gunslinger (1956)
Approved | 83 min | Western
After her husband is gunned down, Rose Hood takes his place temporarily as Marshal of a small Western town.
Director: Roger Corman | Stars: John Ireland, Beverly Garland, Allison Hayes, Martin Kingsley
Votes: 1,810
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
Westerns usually put me to sleep, so I was surprised how much they managed to squeeze out of this ultra-cliched crap. Visually nice, which was a bit of a surprise given that Corman puts no effort into any of his movies.
27. San Francisco International Airport (1970–1971)
60 min | Drama
Jim Conrad is manager of the busy airport of San Francisco where problems arise daily. Bob Hatten is his troubleshooting maintenance chief and June his efficient plus dependable secretary.
Stars: Lloyd Bridges, Clu Gulager, Barbara Werle, Russ Conway
Votes: 163
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
28. Prince of Space (1959)
57 min | Action, Adventure, Family
When an alien force tries to invade Earth to steal a powerful new rocket fuel, a mysterious hero intervenes.
Director: Eijirô Wakabayashi | Stars: Tatsuo Umemiya, Hiroko Mine, Takashi Kanda, Ushio Akashi
Votes: 3,122
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
Belongs in the TOP 3 MOST CHILDISH MST3K MOVIES. I believe it was made for very retarded 3 year-olds; the baby-bottle milk turns into cheese very rapidly. The hero keeps playing hide-and-seek with the chicken-faced aliens, and that's possibly one of the less silly things about the movie.
29. The Phantom Planet (1961)
Unrated | 82 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
After an invisible asteroid draws an astronaut and his ship to its surface, he is miniaturized by the phantom planet's exotic atmosphere.
Director: William Marshall | Stars: Dean Fredericks, Coleen Gray, Anthony Dexter, Francis X. Bushman
Votes: 3,317
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
A wuss-like astronaut gives a speech about "the good and the beautiful". It will leave you speech-less. He quickly gets killed (as punishment?) while the pompous lead survives a planet of tiny people and a very silly love-triangle.
30. 12 to the Moon (1960)
74 min | Sci-Fi
An international team embarks on an expedition to the moon in an uncommonly spacious rocketship. There they encounter a faceless alien intelligence who conclude that the human race is too immature and dangerous and must be destroyed.
Director: David Bradley | Stars: Ken Clark, Michi Kobi, Tom Conway, Anthony Dexter
Votes: 1,388
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
It is fascinating to consider that this movie was released just 9 years before Kubrick's "2001". There might as well be 2001 years between them. As stupid as anything made in the cheesy 50s/60s pulp sci-fi.
31. Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988)
R | 86 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
The third thrilling saga of Deathstalker pits him against the evil wizard and ruler of the Southland, Troxartes, and his band of undead warriors.
Director: Alfonso Corona | Stars: John Allen Nelson, Carla Herd, Terri Treas, Thom Christopher
Votes: 2,340
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
They cut out some of the sex-scenes, this might even be R-rated. Incredibly dumb.
32. The Space Children (1958)
Approved | 69 min | Sci-Fi
An alien intelligence aborts the launching of a rocket with the help of a bunch of children.
Director: Jack Arnold | Stars: Michel Ray, Adam Williams, Peggy Webber, Johnny Washbrook
Votes: 1,412
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
33. Girl in Gold Boots (1968)
R | 94 min | Crime, Drama, Music
A young woman leaves her job as a waitress and travels to Los Angeles, where she strives to become the top star in the glamorous world of go-go dancing.
Director: Ted V. Mikels | Stars: Jody Daniels, Leslie McRay, Tom Pace, Mark Herron
Votes: 3,950
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
Pointless crime drama with ridiculous characters that treats a career in a seedy strip club as the height of glitz and glamour.
Male B tries to steal the female of Male A - yet the three continue on their travels as if nothing had happened.
34. Secret Agent Super Dragon (1966)
95 min | Thriller, Mystery
A series of murders in Michigan lead an American secret agent to Amsterdam, where he uncovers a plot to imperil the world with a potent new drug.
Director: Giorgio Ferroni | Stars: Ray Danton, Margaret Lee, Carlo D'Angelo, Jess Hahn
Votes: 1,128
aka "Secret Agent Super Dragon"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
35. Hercules and the Captive Women (1961)
Unrated | 94 min | Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy
Strong yet sleepy Hercules discovers that the Queen of Atlantis is plotting to take over the world with superhuman warriors.
Director: Vittorio Cottafavi | Stars: Reg Park, Fay Spain, Ettore Manni, Luciano Marin
Votes: 1,633
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 5/5
Why this movie has "captive women" in the title I'll never know. Only one woman is captive, and she is rescued just 15 minutes into the movie - but the film has a whole bunch of captive men. Perhaps "Hercules And The Captive Men" might have sounded too... well, you know.
Hercules rescues the movie's only captive girl, he brings her back to her family - only for them to immediately try and kill her, in what must be one of the more legendary idiotic plot-twists in the show's rich history. Soon thereafter, the evil queen (the captive woman's angry Mom) tries to have pretty much everyone killed, and for reasons that are quite vague.
There is even ample mention of "Uranus", and if you thought that cheesy word-play has outlived its funniness - think again: "the blood of Uranus can never be destroyed!" This is not a riff, but an actual line from the movie. I couldn't believe I could still find "Uranus" funny.
And I promise you, you WILL laugh at the scene when Hercules throws a stuffed lion toy over a cliff only to have a vulture thrown back at him. Great episode.
36. King Dinosaur (1955)
Not Rated | 63 min | Adventure, Sci-Fi
A new planet moves into the Solar system and four scientists (two couples) are sent to explore planet Nova. In between romantic interludes, the cast faces an iguana masquerading as a Tyrannosaurus rex.
Director: Bert I. Gordon | Stars: William Bryant, Wanda Curtis, Douglas Henderson, Patti Gallagher
Votes: 1,629
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
Perhaps even Corman would have been too embarrassed to work with Lippert. You will drop your jaw when you see these "astronauts" and witness the things they say and do.
You know you're in trouble when your movie's lemur is bigger than all of your dinosaurs combined.
They came, they saw, they nuked the entire place. In the name of science.
37. Riding with Death (1976 TV Movie)
97 min | Thriller, Action, Sci-Fi
Dimwitted, meaty guy foils criminals by turning invisible.
Directors: Alan J. Levi, Don McDougall | Stars: Ben Murphy, Katherine Crawford, Richard Dysart, William Sylvester
Votes: 1,249
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
38. The Brute Man (1946)
Passed | 58 min | Drama, Horror, Thriller
A facially-deformed and mentally-unhinged man wreaks his revenge, with a series of brutal murders, on those who deformed him.
Director: Jean Yarbrough | Stars: Rondo Hatton, Tom Neal, Jan Wiley, Jane Adams
Votes: 1,559
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
39. Santo vs. the Vampire Women (1962)
Not Rated | 89 min | Action, Horror
A professor recruits a professional wrestler to protect his daughter from vampires intent on kidnaping her and marrying her to the devil.
Director: Alfonso Corona Blake | Stars: Santo, Lorena Velázquez, María Duval, Jaime Fernández
Votes: 1,498
aka "Samson vs. the Vampire Women"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
The first ten minutes or so are quite unwatchable, as are other parts of this tedious garbage, but it does have its moments. The funniest riffing is centered around the old geezer.
40. Lost Continent (1951)
Passed | 83 min | Adventure, Fantasy, Sci-Fi
Major Joe Nolan heads a rescue mission in the South Pacific to recover a downed atomic rocket. The crew crash lands on a mysterious island, and spends much time rock-climbing.
Director: Sam Newfield | Stars: Cesar Romero, Hillary Brooke, Chick Chandler, John Hoyt
Votes: 1,768
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
Abundant scenes of mountain-climbing would normally have you yawning like a walrus, but the riffing is at its best during these tedious bits.
41. Escape from the Bronx (1983)
R | 89 min | Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A rag-tag group of people must fight extermination squads amid their ruined city.
Director: Enzo G. Castellari | Stars: Mark Gregory, Henry Silva, Valeria D'Obici, Giancarlo Prete
Votes: 3,033 | Gross: $1.41M
aka "Escape 2000"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
The amazingly moronic premise: a mega-evil corporation (what else?) forcibly evacuates the entire population of Bronx to New Mexico (of all places), in order to start afresh by building new high-rise apartment buildings. In order to achieve this, the evil corporation send incompetent morons dressed in shiny gray suits to the Bronx, armed with flame-throwers with which they commit genocide, while the rest of New York remains blissfully unaware of the massacres. It really truly doesn't get any dumber than this.
This Italian stinker provides the ideal background for some great riffs, particularly during the action scenes of which there are a helluva lot.
42. The Starfighters (1964)
78 min | Drama
A young Air Force lieutenant falls in love with fighter planes while his father, a Congressman and war hero, yearns for him to fly heavy bombers.
Director: Will Zens | Stars: Robert Dornan, Richard Jordahl, Shirley Olmstead, Richard Masters
Votes: 3,526
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
I would struggle to give you a summary of the movie's plot, simply because there is none. Literally no story here. But I will try... People fly jets and then talk. They fly some more, talk, then fly again.
43. Swamp Women (1956)
Approved | 67 min | Adventure, Crime, Drama
An undercover policewoman helps three female convicts escape from prison so that they can lead her to a stash of stolen diamonds hidden in a swamp.
Director: Roger Corman | Stars: Marie Windsor, Carole Mathews, Beverly Garland, Mike Connors
Votes: 2,027
aka "Swamp Diamonds"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
A hilariously awful Corman flick, which was perhaps laughed at by movie-goers in the 50s, but this turkey may have actually had a much more welcome response today - due to its absurd grrl-power premise. Everything about the female convicts is funny: their hair, how they flail around with their tiny fists, how they flirt with the male lead, how they bicker amongst each other, the petty jealousies, how much utter nonsense they say, how randomly violent they get, how stupidly they punch each other, how kill-happy they are...
But hey. Grrl-power. All of this hooey may have been forgiven in the year 2021, with all the hip young Hollywood actresses filling up these roles, in a new and big-budget version but with the exact same dialogue. Because: grrl-power. Because: no matter how daft the execution is, we must honour a movie because it does the "right thing" i.e. promote women as tough, no-nonsense chickas.
Stupidity runs rampant throughout the movie. Yes, there's the usual Corman padding, but SD isn't nearly as tedious and odorless as his many other stinkers. Starting from the fully unconvincing prison escape and throughout the cretinous swamp misadventures, SD is relentlessly retarded. Especially the acting and the dialogue - which is often edwoodian. Of course, the directing/editing can get comical too, for example during the alligator scenes.
Despite this being a Corman flick, I am genuinely surprised at the utter inanity of some of the nonsense that goes on. For example, the male lead who doesn't give a crap that his GF is being harassed by the girls, or the fact that one of the convicts literally throws herself at him in front of his girlfriend - yet he does nothing to stop her, doesn't feel even a tinge of embarrassment. This "male hero" later doesn't even react to his girl being smacked, and yet when she starts drowning he suddenly goes into Tarzan mode - but in a delayed sort of way, as if way too thick to realize what was going on hence needed a while to figure it out. Or the amazing speed with which he gets romantic with the undercover cop, just hours after his GF is killed. He just doesn't seem to give a crap. To make things worse simply from an aesthetic point of view, his GF is the cutest cast member, whereas his new love-interest, the cop, is an even homelier version of Jennifer Saunders - just a horrible choice for him to fall in love with, especially since the flirtatious blonde is decent-looking, plus there's Beverly Garland who is fairly cute-ish too.
A great scene too is when they finally find the diamonds (after several minutes of swamp-scenery padding) when the blonde sticks her hands into the diamonds box and starts throwing them around! Predictably, one of the girls starts a scuffle as a result, one of many such squabbles which are always funny. These girls are constantly aggressive, as if Corman was insecure about us believing that they were real convicts, so he just went for the overkill approach to convince us that yes, these girls are wicked and dangerous grrl-power chickas.
Absolutely hilarious are the action fight scenes between the characters in the finale. The choreography is as clumsy as any fight scene in Bride of the Monster.
44. Warrior of the Lost World (1983)
R | 92 min | Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A nomad mercenary on a high-tech motorcycle helps bring about the downfall of the evil Orwellian government, the Omega.
Director: David Worth | Stars: Robert Ginty, Persis Khambatta, Donald Pleasence, Fred Williamson
Votes: 2,879
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
A hero of a post-apocalyptic world... who looks like Lars Ulrich from Metallica.
WOTLW features perhaps THE most useless bad-guy army in the history of cinema. Forget Rambo gunning down thousands of fairly blind Vietnamese soldiers, these Orwellian Nazi types couldn't hit a target if it were tied to a chair in front of them.
Donald Pleasance looks almost drugged while playing the exact same character from "You Only Live Twice".
"Mad Max" for the mentally-challenged.
45.
American Playhouse (1980–1994)
Episode:
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
(1983)
83 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance
The mind of a computer programmer forced to take a virtual vacation is removed by a totalitarian government and accidentally trapped in the virtual reality simulation. He must find a way out before he expires.
Director: Douglas Williams | Stars: Raul Julia, Arnie Achtman, Paula Barrett, Patrick Brymer
Votes: 2,574
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
The obvious made-for-TVness of this movie literally screams at you from first to last frame. Has the look of a mediocre 80s Twilight Zone episode.
Raul Julia is supposed to be a highly intelligent computer programmer from a dystopian-dysmoronic future, but appears practically half-witted. The less said about his awful-looking love-interest, the better. The special-effects must have forced a few people involved in this turkey to hide for years - or delete this movie from their CVs.
46. Five the Hard Way (1969)
M | 82 min | Action, Sport
Motorcycle racer Rommel seeks vengeance against JC, a madman who murdered the sidehacker's fiancee.
Director: Gus Trikonis | Stars: Ross Hagen, Diane McBain, Michael Pataki, Richard Merrifield
Votes: 2,077
aka "Sidehackers"
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
There are a number of hacks in MST3K's rich bad-guys history who overact their b***s off, but this one takes the cake; it's all about face-contortions for him. One of the stupidest tales of revenge you're ever likely to witness on a screen.
47. The Stranger (1973 TV Movie)
100 min | Sci-Fi
An astronaut finds himself on a planet that's (almost) exactly like Earth.
Director: Lee H. Katzin | Stars: Glenn Corbett, Cameron Mitchell, Sharon Acker, Lew Ayres
Votes: 670
aka "Stranded In Space"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
An episode that has high repeat-viewing potential, for me at least. The riffing is good, it's from the 70s, and the plot isn't uninvolving as is the case with most other riffed films.
In fact, this isn't a horrible movie at all, just standard TV sci-fi fare. Compared to the majority of MST3K alumni, this is a masterpiece. The only thing that's laughable is the completely absurd premise of a twin Earth planet on the other side of the Sun, which just happens to have the same level of technological development, the same fashion, the same languages... Far-fetched doesn't even begin to describe it. Just picture the odds of such an occurrence ANYWHERE in the cosmos. Virtually nil.
Very attractive female lead certainly helps.
48. Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Not Rated | 70 min | Horror
A family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.
Director: Harold P. Warren | Stars: Tom Neyman, John Reynolds, Diane Adelson, Harold P. Warren
Votes: 37,535
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 3/5
This pointless oddity has a mood all-of-its-own. The sets are so depressing, shoddy, and dark, they would have been ideal for a "Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer" type of film, or "Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 11"; I can just see Leatherface running around this house, hacking people to bits. Instead they chose to shoot a silly Satanic-cult flick with an extremely thin plot.
I can picture the director handing out Prozac during the filming, I really can.
A fan favourite.
49. The Violent Years (1956)
Not Rated | 65 min | Crime, Drama, Film-Noir
Paula Parkins is the teenage daughter of wealthy parents who can't seem to make time for her, so she looks for thrills as the leader of her all girl-gang who rob and rape young men.
Director: William Morgan | Stars: Jean Moorhead, Barbara Weeks, Art Millan, Theresa Hancock
Votes: 1,807
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 4/5
Unfortunately, this was "only" written by Ed Wood. His talents only fully come to the fray when he was director-writer-producer, just like his idol Orson Welles. Still, nothing with even a smidgen of wood in it should be missed.
50. Colossus and the Headhunters (1963)
79 min | Action, Adventure, Romance
Maciste and his people flee their volcano-ravaged island. They end up caught in between two warring tribes.
Director: Guido Malatesta | Stars: Kirk Morris, Laura Brown, Demeter Bitenc, Frank Leroy
Votes: 812
Riffing: 4/5
Movie: 2/5
51. Rocket Attack U.S.A. (1960)
Not Rated | 68 min | Thriller
An American secret agent tries to stop the Soviets from launching an intercontinental missile at the mainland United States.
Director: Barry Mahon | Stars: Monica Davis, John McKay, Phillip St. George, Edward Czerniuk
Votes: 1,164
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Fortunately, the riffs aren't littered, infiltrated and ruined with Joel's left-wing drivel, so this ends up being a rather fun episode, centered around an ultra-low-budget stinker that can't even make up its mind what message it wants to convey, aside from the usual "nukes hurt!" and "war is bad" bits of wisdom.
Joel did preach a bit in the opening segments by describing the 50s as "paranoid". Sure, Joel, Americans were just IMAGINING the nuclear threat back then, just as I am hallucinating that cultural Marxism has taken over most of western media, turning half the population into mindless zombies.
52. Bride of the Monster (1955)
Passed | 69 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A mad doctor attempts to create atomic supermen.
Director: Edward D. Wood Jr. | Stars: Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Tony McCoy, Loretta King
Votes: 7,644
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 5/5
This Ed Wood anti-classic is perfectly entertaining on its own, so the riffing is just the icing on the cake. Worth just for seeing Bela Lugosi walk around in high platform shoes, not to mention the plethora of other nonsense such as a dumb leading man who's smaller than the damsel-in-distress. The scenes of Tor wrestling him and then the hero running around with a tattered shirt are unique. As always, Ed Wood outdoes himself with the dialogue, which I consider his biggest anti-talent.
Some people simply don't seem to understand that even with 10 million dollars Ed would have still made awfully dumb movies.
53. Rocketship X-M (1950)
Approved | 77 min | Family, Sci-Fi
An astronaut crew on their way to the Moon are unexpectedly propelled by gravitational forces and end up on Mars instead.
Director: Kurt Neumann | Stars: Lloyd Bridges, Osa Massen, John Emery, Noah Beery Jr.
Votes: 2,495
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Check your crew's blood-pressure, and off they go into space! The only requirement for a 50s astronaut was that his blood was alright - so perhaps it's little wonder ANYBODY could be hired to fly into space.
The prototype of the dumb 50s B-movie sci-fi flick, complete with ALL of the cliches that come in such a package.
54. The Creeping Terror (1964 TV Movie)
Not Rated | 77 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A newlywed sheriff tries to stop a shambling monster that has emerged from a spaceship to eat the citizens of an American town.
Director: Vic Savage | Stars: Vic Savage, Shannon O'Neil, William Thourlby, John Caresio
Votes: 4,710
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
The least scary movie monster of all time? Possibly. It is a carpet that moves extremely slowly - yet manages to kill quite a few very very slow-moving humans. Darwin would say it was natural selection: if you can't outrun a carpet, then biology probably doesn't like you.
55. Track of the Moon Beast (1976)
PG | 90 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
In New Mexico mineralogist student Paul Carlson is struck in the head by a tiny shard of a meteor causing him to unknowingly transform into a bloodthirsty reptilian creature.
Director: Richard Ashe | Stars: Chase Cordell, Leigh Drake, Gregorio Sala, Patrick Wright
Votes: 3,852
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
An apathetic, slow-moving, drowsy flick redeemed somewhat by the fact it was ejected out of some lame writer's derriere in the 70s, my favourite movie decade. The guys do their best to keep it interest with solid riffing but the movie gives so little. The Moon Beast is a boring bloody lizard and he makes an appearance very late into the flick.
56. The Final Sacrifice (1990 Video)
PG-13 | 78 min | Adventure, Fantasy, Horror
Fleeing from the cult that murdered his father, a teen is aided in his quest to find the lost city of the fabled Ziox by a secretive drifter.
Director: Tjardus Greidanus | Stars: Christian Malcolm, Bruce J. Mitchell, Shane Marceau, Ron Anderson
Votes: 4,664
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 5/5
This movie really grows on you. I didn't think much of either the movie or the riffing, but I find both better on each additional viewing. The Canada jokes are probably best-appreciated by Americans though. You will not believe the wimpy teen they found for the starring role - or the goofy "executioners" chasing him around.
57. Monster a Go-Go (1965)
TV-PG | 68 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A space capsule crash-lands on Earth, and the astronaut aboard disappears. Is there a connection between the missing man and the monster roaming the area?
Directors: Bill Rebane, Herschell Gordon Lewis | Stars: Philip Morton, June Travis, George Perry, Lois Brooks
Votes: 10,078
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
The funniest bit is when Joel and the robots boo the movie's cop-out ending. One of the more tedious flicks, full of amazingly pointless, drawn-out dialogue that is literally about nothing; just imagine a bunch of Sociology professors on a lunch break. Considered by the team to be one of the very worst movies they'd done. Low-budget crap is one thing, but no-budget crap is a whole new level. Also no-plot and no-script crap. Nothing at all happens in this stinker.
58. Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961)
74 min | Action, Sci-Fi
Clumsy invaders from Neptune are thwarted by hero Space Chief and a nondescript group of microshort-wearing Japanese kids.
Director: Kôji Ohta | Stars: Shin'ichi Chiba, Ryûko Minakami, Mitsue Komiya, Seiichirô Kameishi
Votes: 2,851
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 5/5
The highlight is an early "battle" between the clumsy aliens and the skinny hero, that looks like a badly choreographed dance number. It's a B&W Japanese flick so expect to be charmed and bewildered.
59. The Deadly Bees (1966)
Not Rated | 84 min | Drama, Horror, Mystery
Trouble strikes when an exhausted pop singer, sent on a vacation to a farm, realizes that the farm's owner raises deadly bees.
Director: Freddie Francis | Stars: Suzanna Leigh, Frank Finlay, Guy Doleman, Catherine Finn
Votes: 2,250
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Considering the average badness of MST3K films, this is almost "A Clockwork Orange" by comparison. One of the least-worst MST3Kified flicks, but by no means good in any way. It's a 60s UK horror flick, and they're very rarely any good.
60. The Clonus Horror (1979)
R | 90 min | Horror, Romance, Sci-Fi
In a seemingly perfect society, one member discovers the truth about the outside world, as well as their ultimate purpose.
Director: Robert S. Fiveson | Stars: Peter Graves, Rick DiAngelo, Eugene Robert Glazer, Eileen Dietz
Votes: 2,682
aka "Parts: The Clonus Horror"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
Witness an actress without a nose, and other awful-looking cast-members - perhaps cloning is to blame, I don't know. As dumb as it is, TCH is "Star Wars" next to "Future War".
And I don't mean JJ Abrams's bastardized version of "Star Wars", of course.
61. Revenge of the Creature (1955)
Passed | 82 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
Men capture the Creature from the Black Lagoon and make him an aquarium attraction, from which he escapes.
Director: Jack Arnold | Stars: John Agar, Lori Nelson, John Bromfield, Nestor Paiva
Votes: 7,020
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
How to stretch a wafer-thin plot into a feature-film? This is how. This is how to do it and not get away with it.
62. Agent for H.A.R.M. (1966)
Passed | 84 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Secret agent tries to stop a scientist who has devised a bacterium that devours the body from within.
Director: Gerd Oswald | Stars: Peter Mark Richman, Wendell Corey, Carl Esmond, Barbara Bouchet
Votes: 1,539
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Featuring cinema's only secret agent uglier than the current James Bond, that blond guy with no hair.
63. Final Justice (1984)
R | 90 min | Action, Crime, Drama
Homicidal sheriff Thomas Jefferson Geronimo is tasked with escorting a mobster to Malta. When the prisoner escapes, Geronimo goes to catch him.
Director: Greydon Clark | Stars: Joe Don Baker, Rossano Brazzi, Venantino Venantini, Patrizia Pellegrino
Votes: 3,505
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
For fans of "Mitchell", a must.
64. The Sinister Urge (1960)
Not Rated | 71 min | Crime, Drama, Horror
A flunky for a porno movie ring starts murdering the smut films' lead actresses.
Director: Edward D. Wood Jr. | Stars: Kenne Duncan, Duke Moore, Jean Fontaine, Carl Anthony
Votes: 1,695
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Ed Wood's take on the porn industry. A must-see. You will never see a more cute take on the porn scene. Funnily enough, Ed Wood did actual porn later on.
65. The Human Duplicators (1965)
80 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
An alien is dispatched from a faraway galaxy to take over the Earth by duplicating humans and creating a race of zombies. But the alien's heart is softened by the persevering goodness of a beautiful blind woman.
Directors: Hugo Grimaldi, Arthur C. Pierce | Stars: George Nader, Barbara Nichols, George Macready, Dolores Faith
Votes: 912
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Hire a huge guy to scare the kiddies with - and then let him talk in an affected manner that totally neutralizes his appearance. Whoever told (or allowed) Richard Kiel to talk this way is an utter fool.
66. Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1983)
PG | 91 min | Adventure, Drama, Horror
A professor and three of his students camp out in the wilderness to find a Bigfoot-type creature.
Director: Charles B. Pierce | Stars: Charles B. Pierce, Cindy Butler, Chuck Pierce Jr., Jimmy Clem
Votes: 3,758
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
A fairly dim-witted college professor (listen to how he retorts to a bunch of rednecks mocking him) wears very small, tight shorts, and doesn't even try to have sex with either of the college girls he brings along for a picnic. He does however look for Big Foot.
67. The Amazing Colossal Man (1957)
Approved | 80 min | Action, Drama, Horror
A military officer survives a nuclear blast, only to begin to uncontrollably grow into an increasingly unstable giant.
Director: Bert I. Gordon | Stars: Glenn Langan, Cathy Downs, William Hudson, Larry Thor
Votes: 2,842
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
68. The Dead Talk Back (1994 Video)
65 min | Crime, Horror, Mystery
A psychic researcher attempts to solve a murder by using a radio that enables him to speak with the dead.
Director: Merle S. Gould | Stars: Aldo Farnese, Scott Douglas, Laura Brock, Earl Sands
Votes: 990
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
69. Radar Secret Service (1950)
Passed | 59 min | Action, Crime, Drama
G-men track stolen Uranium-238 shipment using new radar technology; they also recruit the girlfriend of a gang member as an informant. Radar helps, but it takes an undercover blonde to ... See full summary »
Director: Sam Newfield | Stars: John Howard, Adele Jergens, Tom Neal, Myrna Dell
Votes: 928
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 1/5
70. City Limits (1984)
PG-13 | 86 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
A pair of teenage motorcycle gangs maintain an uneasy truce between each other in the not-too-distant future. When an evil corporation tries to take over their ruined city, the gangs must decide whether to fight their common enemy.
Director: Aaron Lipstadt | Stars: John Stockwell, Darrell Larson, Rae Dawn Chong, James Earl Jones
Votes: 1,555
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Embarrassingly awful stinker about a bunch of “vicious fops” as the MST3K cast hilariously calls these pseudo-post-apocalyptic ninnies. That's exactly what they are, literally: wussies dressed as clowns, playing tough, but the way a 5 year-old would pretend to be tough. One of the least convincing post-apocalyptic gangs ever.
The movie's humour is extreme cringe, beyond childish, and the amateur dialogue is fifth-rate. In a way this is worse than 50s monster flicks because movies had more of an excuse to suck back then. Also, there are several familiar faces here, which begs the question why and how a halfway established actor could possibly agree to be in such trash - which couldn't have paid much and was clearly going nowhere. Anybody who read this script yet failed to notice how bad it was has to be a moron.
Kim Catrall has a topless scene which of course isn't included in the show's version.
One Serbo-Croatian reference early on, in the riffing. The action scenes are beyond ridiculous, very badly directed, and CL features some of the dumbest costumes ever put on screen. The plot is muddled, and whatever little is understandable is utterly dumb. A society of mindless 20somethings are so well groomed and fed that they have nothing better to do than worship comic books and stage fights based on them to kill each other. And then the stereotypical "evil corporation" shows up, wanting to stop all that fun! The movie actually sides with the kids, because somehow the corporation is evil for trying to restore order to the cities.
One of the movie's horrible actors wrote this script, and that's the only thing that makes sense.
71. Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)
Not Rated | 87 min | Action, Adventure, Family
Space aliens arrive on Earth with their giant shark and intend to take over the planet but they must first destroy Gamera.
Director: Noriaki Yuasa | Stars: Kôji Fujiyama, Daigo Inoue, Reiko Kasahara, Daihachi Kita
Votes: 1,877
aka "Gamera vs. Zigra"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Colourful, fun Japanese kitsch.
72. Zombie Nightmare (1987)
R | 89 min | Fantasy, Horror
A mother resorts to voodoo to get back at those who killed her son.
Directors: Jack Bravman, John Fasano | Stars: Adam West, Jon Mikl Thor, Tia Carrere, Manuska Rigaud
Votes: 3,796
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
73. Moon Zero Two (1969)
G | 100 min | Crime, Sci-Fi
A space salvage expert and his partner become involved with a group of criminals intent on hijacking a small asteroid made of sapphire and crashing it into the moon.
Director: Roy Ward Baker | Stars: James Olson, Catherine Schell, Warren Mitchell, Adrienne Corri
Votes: 1,789
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Easily the winner of the WORST MST3K SOUNDTRACK. In fact, this swinging-60s space western might just have the worst soundtrack of any movie from that decade. The obnoxious jazz trumpets will have your head spinning quicker than the dumbest plot-twist in "The Butterfly Effect".
Suitably, the best riffs center around the amazingly awful, un-space-like music which must be played by a free-jazz band working at the very lowest level of Gahannah, under strict orders from Satan himself to compose only the purest of garbage.
The commentary is surprisingly good, given that this is a Season 1 episode. The movie itself would have been a LOT less bad if a proper soundtrack had been applied to it.
74. Tormented (1960)
Unrated | 75 min | Horror, Thriller
A man lets a former flame fall to her death rather than let her interfere with his new relationship, but her ghost returns to disrupt his impending nuptials.
Director: Bert I. Gordon | Stars: Richard Carlson, Susan Gordon, Lugene Sanders, Juli Reding
Votes: 2,937
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
75. Indestructible Man (1956)
Approved | 72 min | Crime, Horror, Sci-Fi
Charles "The Butcher" Benton, a brutal death row inmate gets double-crossed by his crooked lawyer. He gets his chance for revenge when, after he's been executed, a bizarre experiment brings him back to life and more deadly than ever.
Director: Jack Pollexfen | Stars: Lon Chaney Jr., Max Showalter, Marian Carr, Ross Elliott
Votes: 3,153
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
76.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)
Episode:
Master Ninja I
(1992)
Not Rated | 99 min | Comedy, Sci-Fi
The crew watch a ninja and a drifter save an airport from thugs in "Master Ninja I" while building a model muscle car and experimenting with their ninja skills.
Director: Jim Mallon | Stars: Trace Beaulieu, Joel Hodgson, Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy
Votes: 529
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Believe it or not, the short guy who becomes a Ninja in just a few days went on to direct many episodes of "The Sopranos". Perhaps anybody CAN direct, after all?
77. Time Walker (1982)
PG | 83 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
An alien, buried in King Tut's tomb, terrorizes a college campus.
Director: Tom Kennedy | Stars: Ben Murphy, Nina Axelrod, Kevin Brophy, Robert Random
Votes: 2,195 | Gross: $0.43M
aka "Being from Another Planet"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
A college professor has an affair with a blond student while trying to prevent all of the Mummy's corpse being stolen by various kids. About 0.1% of this movie consists of action scenes.
78. Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
Not Rated | 86 min | Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller
A young alien and a teenage earthling fall in love, and plot to stop the alien's race from using Earth as a food-breeding ground for giant lobsters from their planet.
Director: Tom Graeff | Stars: David Love, Dawn Bender, Bryan Grant, Harvey B. Dunn
Votes: 3,853
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
79. Devil Doll (1964)
81 min | Horror
An evil hyponotist/ventriloquist plots to gain an heiress' millions.
Director: Lindsay Shonteff | Stars: Bryant Haliday, William Sylvester, Yvonne Romain, Sandra Dorne
Votes: 2,541
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
80. Time Chasers (1994)
PG-13 | 89 min | Sci-Fi
An inventor comes up with a time machine, but must prevent its abuse at the hands of an evil C.E.O.
Director: David Giancola | Stars: Matthew Bruch, Bonnie Pritchard, Peter Harrington, George Woodard
Votes: 3,533
aka "Time Chasers"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
81. The Spider (1958)
Passed | 73 min | Family, Horror, Sci-Fi
Teenagers from a rural community and their high school science teacher join forces to battle a giant mutant spider.
Director: Bert I. Gordon | Stars: Ed Kemmer, June Kenney, Eugene Persson, Gene Roth
Votes: 3,411
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Spiders spread terror in a small community when they start walking all over postcards. Classic Z-movie stuff.
82. Extra Terrestrial Visitors (1983)
84 min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror
A young boy in the woods discovers a lovable alien...or is it?
Director: Juan Piquer Simón | Stars: Ian Serra, Nina Ferrer, Susana Bequer, Sara Palmer
Votes: 4,761
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
This episode is almost ruined by the constant repetition of an obscure "McCloud!" gag. Often less is more, the guys should have known that. Still, a lot of the other riffs are quite good, and the movie has a unique badness.
83.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)
Episode:
Master Ninja II
(1992)
Not Rated | 98 min | Comedy, Sci-Fi
Joel and the 'bots endure two equally bad episodes from the failed action series The Master (1984).
Directors: Jim Mallon, Michael J. Nelson | Stars: Trace Beaulieu, Joel Hodgson, Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy
Votes: 529
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Even though it's not some obscure $5 movie made by unemployed film-makers but is part of a TV series, the first episode has one of the dumbest plot-lines in MST3K history. And one of the most, how shall we say, unappealing leading actresses in the history of cinema. The strong left-wing slant of MN2 only makes this episode even more fun - the whole worker's union subplot is a hoot. In this world, unions are run by selfless, noble idealists whereas the management functions much like the triads - complete with their own ninjas! I did tell you this was one of the dumbest things ever made.
Van Patten's kid is as strong an argument against nepotism as any. He is sort of like the original James Caan kid: very short, baby-faced, with a large head, and of course no talent.
84. Project Moon Base (1953)
Approved | 63 min | Sci-Fi
A saboteur posing as a scientist strives to destroy the world's first space station.
Director: Richard Talmadge | Stars: Donna Martell, Hayden Rorke, Ross Ford, Larry Johns
Votes: 1,381
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Compared to other such flicks of the era, there is a surprising amount of real science. Of course, it's all very relative coz any movie can have more science than a typical 50s flick. But just as you thought the movie might be slightly less moronic than the standard fare, you get the movie's equivalent of NASA - the often ridiculed SPACOM - telling the stranded Moon couple to marry, because living together - even on the Moon - even for a week was unacceptable in the 50s. Nevermind the oxygen, or the food supplies - we gotta get those two a ring! The movie drags a bit at the outset, with the usual wooden figurines belting out stilted dialog, but eventually the cheese starts to melt, and the riffing is very solid.
85. Squirm (1976)
PG | 92 min | Horror
A storm causes some power lines to break and touch the ground, drawing millions of man-eating worms out of the earth, and into town where they quickly start munching on the locals.
Director: Jeff Lieberman | Stars: Don Scardino, Patricia Pearcy, R.A. Dow, Jean Sullivan
Votes: 6,459
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
A solid episode, very popular for its redneck jokes. Unfortunately, redneck jokes don't do it for me that often, probably because they're too easy and obvious.
Typical moronic Hollywood film, portraying a small-town Southern sheriff as a psychopath...
86. The Skydivers (1963)
75 min | Drama, Sport
A woman seeks revenge on her former lover, who owns a skydiving business.
Director: Coleman Francis | Stars: Kevin Casey, Eric Tomlin, Anthony Cardoza, Marcia Knight
Votes: 5,005
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
I've seen this Coleman Francis episode several times, and still haven't discerned a comprehensible plot. Not quite as fun as the other three CF flicks but quite solid.
87. War of the Colossal Beast (1958)
Approved | 69 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
Glenn Manning, "The Amazing Colosasal Man," believed dead after falling from the Hoover Dam, reemerges in rural Mexico, brain damaged, disfigured, and very hungry.
Director: Bert I. Gordon | Stars: Sally Fraser, Roger Pace, Duncan 'Dean' Parkin, Russ Bender
Votes: 2,614
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
88. The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (1957)
Not Rated | 66 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
A group of lonely Viking women build a ship and set off across the sea to locate their missing menfolk, only to fall into the clutches of the barbarians that also hold their men captive. There is a cameo appearance by the sea serpent.
Director: Roger Corman | Stars: Abby Dalton, Susan Cabot, Bradford Jackson, June Kenney
Votes: 1,592
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
The title promises - and it delivers: crap. Roger Corman possibly at the height of his creative power.
89. Gor II (1988)
PG-13 | 89 min | Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi
An Earthman returns to the planet Gor, and fights against tyranny.
Director: John 'Bud' Cardos | Stars: Urbano Barberini, Rebecca Ferratti, Jack Palance, Donna Denton
Votes: 2,062
aka "Outlaw" or "Outlaw Of Gor"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
The smelly hands of dilettantes can be found all over this amazingly inept Z-movie, starting from the moronic plot-twists, moronic characters, and moronic costumes all the way to action sequences so badly choreographed they might rank this turkey in the TOP 5 MOST AWFUL MST3K FIGHT SCENES.
The Evil Bitch Queen - or "bitch in heat" as Jack Palance calls her - is such a bad mastermind coup-maker that one has to wonder just how stupid her kingdom's subjects must be to let her get away with it all. She kills two key figures (old geezers) in her kingdom in one day - the second one in front of a dozen witnesses - and then actually stabs Palance, out of the blue, in the gut in front of the ENTIRE populace. So dumb it really has to be seen to be believed. Just minutes later, her "cold-blooded" Bobba-Fett-like mercenary turns on her - for no reason at all - and kills her from a distance with a spear. He then looks on with the face of a man much bewildered. Not as confused as the viewers though.
The riffs are solid, some big laughs, including a real drubbing of Palance who looks positively stupid and embarrassed in his goofy clown costume. Bored, too. His character has nothing to do in the first hour but walk around like a piece of furniture on legs.
90. Gamera: The Giant Monster (1965)
Not Rated | 81 min | Action, Horror, Sci-Fi
From out of the arctic comes a gigantic flying, fire-breathing turtle that sets its sights on destroying Tokyo.
Director: Noriaki Yuasa | Stars: Eiji Funakoshi, Harumi Kiritachi, Junichiro Yamashita, Yoshiro Uchida
Votes: 3,797
aka "Gamera"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
The riffs that focus on the boy's twisted love for the mass-murdering turtle are the best.
91. Mitchell (1975)
R | 97 min | Action, Crime, Drama
A tough, slobby, honest cop tries to simultaneously take down heroin dealers and a corrupt businessman who murdered a burglar, even if it costs him his life.
Director: Andrew V. McLaglen | Stars: Joe Don Baker, Martin Balsam, John Saxon, Linda Evans
Votes: 4,918
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
One of the least awful movies the team had ever riffed. Nevertheless, they treat it with so much disdain it ends up being fun.
92. Laserblast (1978)
PG | 85 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A teenager stumbles upon an alien weapon, which transforms him into a grotesque killer.
Director: Michael Rae | Stars: Kim Milford, Cheryl Smith, Gianni Russo, Ron Masak
Votes: 6,699
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
93. I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)
Approved | 76 min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror
A hypnotherapist uses a temperamental teenager as a guinea pig for a serum which transforms him into a vicious werewolf.
Director: Gene Fowler Jr. | Stars: Michael Landon, Yvonne Lime, Whit Bissell, Charles Willcox
Votes: 2,862 | Gross: $2.00M
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
Not to be missed: the milk-throwing scene.
94. Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)
G | 78 min | Action, Adventure, Family
An inventor creates a humanoid robot named Jet Jaguar that is seized by the undersea nation of Seatopia. Using Jet Jaguar as a guide, the Seatopians send Megalon as vengeance for the nuclear tests that have devastated their society.
Directors: Jun Fukuda, Yoshimitsu Banno, Ishirô Honda | Stars: Katsuhiko Sasaki, Hiroyuki Kawase, Yutaka Hayashi, Robert Dunham
Votes: 6,907
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
95. The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)
Approved | 82 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A doctor experimenting with transplant techniques keeps his girlfriend's head alive when she is decapitated in a car crash, then goes hunting for a new body.
Director: Joseph Green | Stars: Jason Evers, Virginia Leith, Anthony La Penna, Adele Lamont
Votes: 7,573
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
Starts off with very good riffing, but peters off for quite a while until the ridiculous, entertaining finale.
96. The Blade Master (1983)
PG | 92 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Muscle-bound Ator and his mute East Asian sidekick travel from the ends of the earth to save his aged mentor from the evil, mustachioed Zor.
Director: Joe D'Amato | Stars: Miles O'Keeffe, Lisa Foster, David Brandon, Charles Borromel
Votes: 3,896
aka "Cave Dwellers"
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
97. Gamera vs. Gyaos (1967)
Not Rated | 87 min | Action, Family, Fantasy
Volcanic activity unleashes a bloodthirsty monster called Gyaos that Gamera must confront.
Directors: Noriaki Yuasa, Shigeo Tanaka | Stars: Kôjirô Hongô, Kichijirô Ueda, Reiko Kasahara, Naoyuki Abe
Votes: 2,487
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 3/5
The riffing is fairly good for this era, there isn't much childish riffery. The film itself is fun during the dumb monster scenes but tends to be otherwise boring.
98. Zaat (1971)
PG | 100 min | Horror, Sci-Fi
A mad scientist transforms himself into an aquatic killer.
Directors: Don Barton, Arnold Stevens | Stars: Marshall Grauer, Wade Popwell, Paul Galloway, Gerald Cruse
Votes: 5,312
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 4/5
Some pretty awful acting (the black guy seems almost BORED while he's being attacked by Fishguy), endless padded scenes, bizarre narration that kind of peters out without explanation, vapid and boring dialog, and a plot as thin as a Zambian ice-sheet: monster shows up, monster kills human. Repeat over and over. Visually the movie has a nice 70s feel to it, but that's its only good side, and it was hardly intentional. Especially dumb is the last third when it's not so much a case of *beep* hitting the fan as it's dumb *beep* hitting the movie fan.
99. Terror from the Year 5000 (1958)
Approved | 66 min | Sci-Fi
Scientists build a time machine to snatch objects from the past. But little do they know that 20th-century objects put in the machine seem to be "traded" for analogous future objects by intelligent life.
Director: Robert J. Gurney Jr. | Stars: Ward Costello, Joyce Holden, Frederic Downs, John Stratton
Votes: 1,528
Riffing: 3/5
Movie: 2/5
100. Robot Monster (1953)
Approved | 66 min | Comedy, Family, Horror
The monstrous Ro-Man attempts to annihilate the last family alive on Earth, but finds himself falling for their beautiful daughter.
Director: Phil Tucker | Stars: George Nader, Gregory Moffett, Claudia Barrett, Selena Royle
Votes: 5,450 | Gross: $1.00M
Riffing: 2/5
Movie: 5/5
I have seen this movie a dozen times. And that's WITHOUT the riffing. Unfortunately, they mocked this wonderful anti-classic during the 1st season which is the worst season by far. There are some good laughs, but far too few, especially for something as ultra-cheesy as this amazing piece of crap.
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