1.6/10
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33 user 6 critic

Five the Hard Way (1969)

Motorcycle racer Rommel seeks vengeance against JC, a madman who murdered the sidehacker's fiancee.

Director:

Writers:

(story), (as Tony Houston)
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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Vince Rommel
...
Rita
...
J.C. (as Mike Pataki)
Dick Merrifield ...
Luke (as Richard Merrifield)
Claire Polan ...
Paisley
Edward Parrish ...
Nero
...
Cooch
...
Crapout
...
Jake (as Bob Tessier)
Eric Lidberg ...
Tork
Erik Cord ...
Dirty John
Toni Moss ...
Lois
Diane Tessier ...
Debbie
Joey Tessier ...
Billy
Tony Lorea ...
Announcer
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Storyline

Motorcycle racer Rommel and his fiancée Rita become friendly with a biker gang led by the unstable J.C. When Rita is raped and murdered by J.C. in a jealous rage, Rommel gathers some biker pals and goes on a hunt for vengeance. Written by Marty McKee <mmckee@wkio.com>

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis

Taglines:

HARD RIDERS! Mounted on Burning Steel! ... with only their leathers between THEM and HELL!

Genres:

Action | Sport

Certificate:

M | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
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Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

11 July 1970 (Sweden)  »

Also Known As:

The Side Hackers  »

Filming Locations:


Company Credits

Production Co:

 »
Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

(Ryder Sound Services)

Color:

(Eastmancolor)

Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
See  »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

Gus Trikonis' wife at the time Goldie Hawn appears as an uncredited extra spectator at the end of the race in the beginning of the film. She had auditioned earlier for the role of Paisely. See more »


Soundtracks

Five the Hard Way
Written by Jerry Styner, Mike Curb and Guy Hemric
Performed by The New Life
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User Reviews

 
No movie ever became a cult classic by being boring
30 September 2003 | by (Cedar Rapids, IA, USA) – See all my reviews

I've seen almost all the bad movie classics. Most of the classics of bad cinema are bad because of low production values, bad acting and silly plots. No such luck here. The production values are adequate for the subject matter and the plot is fairly standard. Unfortunately, these are the things that make the classics entertaining.

What we're left with is a meandering script with a very standard plot, bad acting, and worst of all, incompetent direction. The movie is filled with long sequences, such as the sidehacking race from which it gets one of its titles, that add nothing to the plot or characters that couldn't have been accomplished in one tenth the time.

If that weren't enough, what little plot is stuck between these sequences is either difficult to follow or just doesn't make sense. For instance, at one point a character is killed and it took me a while to figure it out. Not that it was supposed to be a secret, the point just wasn't conveyed the way it was apparently intended. And throughout the whole movie, up to and including the end, I couldn't understand why the characters were doing the things they were doing. In the few places I did understand, I didn't get why they were going about it the way they were.

In short, this movie is incredibly bad, and not in any fun way. It's quite probably the worst movie I've ever seen. I would not recommend this to anyone for a straight viewing. The only way anyone will get any fun out of it is by ripping into it with friends or letting the professionals do it for them via the excellent MST3K treatment, which is available on DVD.


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