dylankielman Reviews

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006 Video Game)

Wow!!! This is everything I wished for and more!!!

[21 March 2006]

I just got my copy of Elder Scrolls Oblivion, and what can I say besides This is Possibly THE GREATEST GAME EVER!!!! Even more than Halo 2, Final Fantasy VII, and Metroid!

I'll start off by saying that Cyrodill(the gaming world) Is FREAKING HUGE! It makes GTA San Andreas look like the size of a sandbox, plus it's a living breathing world every NPC acts like a real human being(i.e beginning random conversations,hunting,etc) the AI is wonderful!

The graphics, Oh My the graphics in this game are unbelievable, Trees sway in the breeze of the wind, Forest are lush and dense, Every single spec of detail can be seen on the armour and weapons, and characters show realistic emotions. Possibly the best looking game EVER!!!

In all this is Quite possibly the most deep, fun, and amazing game I have ever played!!! I think every RPG that comes out in the future will have to somehow do better than Oblivion, something that I think will be highly unlikely!!!

Buy an Xbox 360 and play this game NOW!!!

Overall 10/10

Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995–1996)

Shows that anime is not a form of Satuday morning cartoons!

[10/10 · 28 February 2006]

Without doubt Neon Genseis Evangelion is probably the best anime show EVER! Probably the best show ever made(next to Band of Brothers). Everything about this show is simply amazing, from the animation to the story(more on that later).

Plot wise Neon Genseis begins with aliens called Angels that invade Earth and the EVA project is the only line of defense against them. What starts out as a story about a boy named Shinji who must learn to pilot the EVA's and fight against the Angels eventually becomes a story of life, death, government conspiracy, and pop psycho babble.

I will say that if you think that this just a happy Saturday morning cartoon not filled with dark subject material, thats where you would be wrong. By about episode 16 the show becomes rather dark and violent (e.x In episode 19 Unit 01 goes berserk and rips an Angels face off, blood and brains splatter everywhere, then Unit 01 eats the Angels face), not a show for the kids as you can tell, but don't let this turn you off from watching it.

Overall, this is easily one of my favourite shows EVER!! It will rip your heart out and may never give it back.

9.8/10

Final Fantasy VII (1997 Video Game)

A Work of Art

[12 December 2005]

When Final Fantasy VII came out in 1997 it did not only give the gaming world a magnificent game full of lush graphics, amazing music, a near perfect plot, and some of the greatest characters ever to be conceived in any form of entertainment, it gave them one of the most fantastic, spellbinding, and magnificent games ever made!

At the beginning of the Game you play as Cloud Strifer a mercenary for a group named Avalanche. From the outset it seems that this just going to be another linear RPG that you'd be seeing in the bargain bin in a couple of weeks. But thats where you would be wrong. About 1 to 2 hours of the way in you be introduced to Sephiroth who, in my opinion is THE greatest villain in any form of movies, literature, etc.

"DON"T READ ON IF YOU HVEN'T PLAYED FFVII"

But the one event of this game that makes it so famous in my opinion is the death of Areis, that scene alone is probably one of few events in entertainment where I was on the brink of weeping, to me that scene will always be remembered as the greatest scene in video game history.

I will end this review with somewhat of rant, you know how on the news these days you hear politics like Joe Liberman and Jack Thompson saying that "video games are destroying our youth" and "video games are the sign of evil" apparently these kind of people never sat down even for a minute to play this game. Or have they listened to 'One Winged Angel' certainly not! If they would, then I think they would have a different view of video games as being a work of art like this game.

Overall this is a must play game, even if don't know how to play games you should give this game a try.

10/10 I'd even give it a 1000000/10 if I could

Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)

Ahhh!! My Eyes They Burn!!!

[2/10 · 14 November 2005]

What can I say besides well, this movie is the 'Chinese water torture of movies'(i.e so painful to watch that it will have you wanting to scrape you're eyes out with rusty spoons.) Now if you must watch this movies by any means make sure it is the MST3K version. If you do watch the non MST3K version then I have two things to say to you. One, you are far beyond my help and please email to tell me why you did watch the original version. And second you apparently must have the favor of the gods on your side if you can sit through this mess of a film.

Well now that I've got that out of my system. So... how is your week going? Are you going to go see King Kong? yep.

Overall I would like to give this movie a negative score but it has Torgo, the villain with knee problems and a haunting theme song so I'll give it a 2/10

Alexander (2004)

I'm speechless(and not in a good way)

[3/10 · 15 August 2005]

I have heard from many that this was a fascinating epic about the life of Alexander the Great, but when I saw this movie I could only think "I've finally found a movie worse than Troy." First off to begin on my criticizing on how this movie was bad (Oh where do I begin?) well of course there is the acting, every time Colin Farrel's lips started moving I knew that I wasn't going to en thrilled by his very dry acting, with lines that make a elementary school play seem like Matchbeth you know this one is deemed to be a Oscar winner. Since I've talked about one negative I might as well give a good reason to watch this pile of garbage.Well the battle scenes are very well done and are as close to realism as they can get, unfortunately there are only two in the movie(and the last half of the second battler is more like an acid trip). Oh one more thing, Alexander's death at the end is laugh out loud funny "Ahh"(Alexander falls on ground.) So to summarize this movie, all I can say is and I can't believe I'm saying this but go see Troy instead.

Overall(since I'm nice and I don't want any more hate mail)3/10

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

WOW!, Easily one of my favorite films EVER!!

[9/10 · 19 May 2005]

Last night I went to see the Revenge of the Sith midnight showing and all I can say is... well you know that feeling you get when you can only describe something by cursing thats how amazed I am.

*SPOLIER ALERT*

Now plot line wise I'm not going to say anything besides a few moments and characters that will not ruin the film. First off is the new villain General Grevious whom unfortunately has a rather small role and in my opinion is not as cool as Darth Maul or Boba Fett. Second is the Battle of Kashkky, this of course is the battle you've probably heard of that introduces Chewbaca and it kinda does (he's only in two scenes). But half way through the battle something I myself never saw coming happens all I'll say is that it involves Yoda. Then finally there is Mustaphar where the epic final fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan occurs as well as Anakin's fall to the dark side and becoming the Darth Vader we all know and love. The last little shard of events from the film is the fall of the Jedi order which is in my opinion the most emotional scene in all of the Star Wars films besides the "i'm your father" line. Oh and Jar Jar does not have one line in the film!

I will end this review by saying thank you George Lucas to twenty eight years of Star Wars, thank you for bringing us one of the most imaginative film series ever to grace cinemas! And thank you for well, everything great about Star Wars may it's legacy live on forever!

Overall 9.4/10

Excalibur (1981)

A great adaptation of Le Morte d'Arthur

[9/10 · 11 April 2005]

When I saw Excalibur about twenty years ago I thought it was one of the greatest films ever. Now with Lord of the Rings and Braveheart this film I think has lost some of its finesse it use to have but it's still a great film. Now the plot to this film rather accurately follows the Arthur legend as in "Arthur's father dies, he impaled Excalibur into a stone. Arthur pulls sword from stone. Arthur becomes king of Camalot,the knights of the round table is formed." You get the idea. But I think the one redeeming quality of this film are the sound effects and music, every sound of a sword hitting armor,or a spear puncturing metal is extremely vibrant and realistic.The music in this film I could write an entire review on but to summarize the music as being "if Lord of the Rings was done in the Eighties." Overall Excalibur is the perfect film to watch if you want an old fashioned Eroll Flynn style movie with plenty of character development and action.

Overall 9.1/10

Halo 2 (2004 Video Game)

BEST FREAKIN GAME EVER!!!

[14 November 2004]

My friends the wait is over Halo 2 is HERE! All of you are probbaly wondering if its worth the wait and I say HELL YEAH!

Now I'm not going to give away much of the plot since its to good to ruin but the best way can describe it is you play as the Master Chief of course as everyone knows the Covenant have found Earth and you must defend it. But throughout the story there are some of the greatest plot twist I have ever seen in either a game or movie. Also the cinematics really flesh out who the Covenant are and why they are trying to annihilate the human race from extinction. The graphics and sound by the way are the best quality I have ever seen in a video game the graphics are neck and neck with Escape from Butcher Bay(Xbox). And the orchestral score to me personally surpasses John William's Star Wars score.I will say the Xbox Live multiplayer is amazing even though you can't play missions online, with the inclusion of Banshees, Energy Swords, and yes you can play as elites and the maps Blood Gulch and Battle Creek from Halo 1 are back! If you don't have Xbox Live yet now is the time to subscribe!

To finish up this review I have to say this is the greatest game EVER! No question about it this is a revolutionary game, this my friends is HALO 2!!

Overall 10/10 wait change that 100/10 Magnificent!

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

One of the funniest films ever

[10/10 · 4 November 2004]

I saw a trailer for this film when I went to go see AvP and at first it looked like and okay horror/comedy. Two months later when I saw this film I just couldn't stop laughing. Everything is done great with this film the action, the horror element, and of course the comedy. This film shows that the British should be the only ones to do comedies (it's that funny). Probably my favorite part is when Shaun goes into the corner store to get a drink and doesn't even notice the blood stains on the wall or the dead clerk chasing after him. At the end of the film well I'll just leave it at rather unexpected and hilarious.

To sum it up Shaun of the Dead is probably the funniest film since Monty Python and The Holy Grail. And is the best film of 2004 by far.

Overall 10/10

King Arthur (2004)

I liked it.

[7/10 · 26 August 2004]

Yes even though just about everyone hated this film I didn't. I thought the acting was fairly decent and the music was good, but my favorite thing about the movie is the whole grainy look to the film which makes the movie look dark and gritty.

The battle scenes in this movie are actually pretty good but they're not on the level of say Lord of the Rings or Braveheart. The one thing I did not like about this film is sometimes it's hard to understand what the characters are saying.

Overall this is a pretty decent summer blockbuster but it probably won't make you forget about Braveheart or Lord of the Rings.

7/10

Troy (2004)

A Disaster

[1/10 · 21 July 2004]

At one point I had very high expectations for this film but after seeing it I thought this was a train wreck. Basically everything is wrong such as *SPOLIER ALERT*

-Achillies dies in the siege of Troy -Paris escapes -Helen escapes with Paris -The wooden horse burns -and Achillies gets killed in a volley of arrows rather than a single one to the heel. The only good part was when you see the Greek fleet.Basically to sum it up this film is a wasteful two hours. Move along to some other film

Overall this film doesn't even deserve a score. In other words 0/10. Now I will say this seriously I respect Brad Pitt, I know he is a good actor I just don't think this is the right role for him.

The Transporter (2002)

Why does everyone hate this film?

[24 June 2004]

*MINOR SPOLIERS* To me The Transporter is to me acutally a rather solid action movie, even though the acting is terrible the action is really well done (I was supprised when the main character kicks down the door on that one drug lord). Also the car chase in the begging was pretty cool (same goes for the one in the end). I would acutally choose this film over Die Another Day or The Bourne Idenity. Also what I think what made this good was at some points the muisc is pretty good even though most of it is that Euro techno vibe. Finally the one thing that made this film good was the well done grease fight.

Overall 8/10

Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Worst way of portraying the Vietnam war

[21 June 2004]

I have to say I really enjoyed the first Rambo film but this crappy sequel is three main things offensive to the men and women that served in Veitnam, stupid since their is no plot to the film, all it is is Stallone running around shooting Veit Congs and Soviets with an M60 that magically never runs out of ammo, and simply boring. Since I served in the military for two years I can tell everyone that this no way to portray one of the most horrifying wars ever. If you want a good Vietnam movie watch Full Metal Jacket its a lot more better than this load and more accurately portrays the Vietnam war. Final word Rambo is terrible everything else isn't

Overall 0.5/10

Halo: Combat Evolved (2001 Video Game)

Best shooter ever, sorry change that best game EVER.

[20 June 2004]

I have to say right off the bat when I first saw this game at E3 2000 it didn't look like a very great game though one year later when I rented this game out I could only think to myself "Holy s*** this game is stunning". One thing that makes this game so great are the controls since they made lots of sense to me. Also the Artficial Intelligence on the Aliens is really well done (grunts run in circles while elites and hunters stand their ground). Also one thing that keeps the game fresh is the large abundance of veichles to control (I couldn't help but laugh when first seeing a grunt get run over). Also the multiplayer is a great part of the game especially if you've got fifteen other friends four Xbox's and four TVs. The only problem with this game is when is HALO 2 coming out?!?!?

Overall 9/10

Band of Brothers (2001)

Compelling absolutely magnificent

[10/10 · 17 June 2004]

When I first heard of Band of Brothers a week ago I thought that this was just a Saving Private Ryan ripoff but I would now reconsider on that. This show is hands down one of the most dramatic and compelling shows on the planet. Throughout the show You'll feel great emotion for Easy Company and all the men that died for our country that fought against the Nazis. I highly suggest reading the book the watching the show since it adds more emotion in my opinion. And what i think made this show great was both the acting and its not some crappy Rambo esquire shoot em up action. The only weakness is the DVD set sells for about two hundred dollars but its worth the price. If you have not seen this show make sure you do NOW!!!

Overall 10/10 no surprise in my scoring.

Hitman: Contracts (2004 Video Game)

Not the best in the series but still great

[17 May 2004]

I had very high expectations for this game and it delivers 75% of what I was expecting. The graphics are great, but when you enter 1st person mode they just look ugly. Second the computer controlled enemies are unpredictable, they just open fire on you for no absolute reason which leads to major frustration. Though the voice acting is still stupendous, the music sounds like it's out of a cheesy 60's spy film. One thing the series is still good at is allowing the player to kill the target in numerous ways, either by poison, a bomb, the old sniper rifle, going in John Woo style, the list goes on. Finally the controls have been redone and finally their is a training mission.

Final Score 7.1/10

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Gruesome Violence At Its Finest

[12 May 2004]

Unfortantly I didn't get enough time to see this in theaters so I watched it on DVD, and I have to say this probably Tarintano's best film since Pulp Fiction. The plot is probably what you would find in a usual Hong Kong action flick revenge over someone blah blah sword fights and revenge, but the sword fights are probably the best since Crouching Tiger. *MINOR SPOLIERS*

Though one thing I do have to ask about how the hell do people lose about one hundred gallons of blood and are still crawling around!?!?! Also what is with the anime scene, sure its cool but it dosen't really make sense to have an anime scene.

Overall this a great film to blow off a couple of hours. Just be warned that if you have a squemish stomach don't buy many snacks.

Overall 8.2/10

Schindler's List (1993)

A Film That Will Make Anyone Cry

[12 May 2004]

I cannot explain this film entirely. The only way to describe this film in one paragraph is, this film WILL make you cry. This film shows truely what the holocaust was hell, torment, and horror. This film does truely show how hellish this period of time was and after you see this materpiece you just simply cannot go back and see it a second time it just stays scarred in your mind forever. This film cannot be described as a film but instead as an art. This art has probally some of the most gruesome scenes that I will not talk about because of the horrors. Finally this masterpiece I think will always be remembered for years to come even if every copy of this film is, lost everyone will remember this masterpiece. If you have not seen this film then I say not suggest that you should seen this art.

10/10

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Quite Possibly the Greatest Movie Ever

[10/10 · 27 April 2004]

Screw Finding Nemo,Lord of the Rings the Return of the King is absolutely the single greatest film EVER!!! Everything is just stunning about this film the actors, the story, the action, and the special effects.

I think that Ian Mckellen should have been up for best actor during the Oscars.

And finally the fields of Pelenor scene is absolutely the single greatest scene ever in a film that will have you at the edge of your seat with your heart pounding like hell through the entire scene.

Now that I have all the positives out of the way let say some of the very few negatives. Some of the scenes should have been in films 1 and 2 here is the list

*SPOLIER ALERT*

-Foreging of Narcil

-Shelobs lair

-Plantir of Saurman

Also where is Saurman?

To sum up this review Finding Nemo is the worst film ever Return of the King is the best.