Reviews written by registered user
Mr_Vai

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24 reviews in total 
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1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
So Incredibly Awful, It is Good, 10 August 2005
5/10

This has to be one of the worst movies ever. The acting is terrible, the script is beyond bad. A pure vanity piece for both Stallone and Russell. I mean, if you nitpicked all of the faults with this movie, you would need a week. The story centers around two rival cops, who seem to make all of the arrests in Los Angeles. You have Tango, played by Stallone, who dresses in Armani suits and drives a Cadillac, he also makes references to Rambo and Bridget Nielsen (hardy har har). Then you have Cash, played by Kurt Russell, a mullet wearing badass who is oozing with machismo. Well, these two make the front page of the paper every day, with big pictures of them, you know, after they make big arrests (geez!). Well, the rivalry is alive and not too realistic. Well, there is a shady figure (Jack Palance), who has a plan to frame the two supercops for murder and put them in prison, where they will be killed. He does not want to just kill them. Look, this is an incredibly stupid film, without a sense of reality at all. This being said, it is weirdly compelling. You just want to keep watching it, to see if it can maintain the awfulness. It does! Tragically entertaining.

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
A Must See for Future Serial Killers, 21 July 2005
1/10

If you really enjoy torture and senseless killing, this film is for you! It has all kinds of twisted people killing scores of innocent people for the hell of it. There are no "good guys" here, just evil people, who I think are supposed to be cool. Which is what is so bothering about this film. Rob Zombie seems to be saying, that murdering and torturing people is fun and hip. You can brag that this film is disturbing and you would be correct, but is that anything to brag about? I guess seeing young girls tied up and tortured is a thrill to somebody that was never able to get them, which is where Zombie and his fans seem to be coming from. It is kind of a revenge film for those losers that never were able to get with the attractive and popular crowd, you know, the future serial killers.

6 out of 23 people found the following review useful:
Incredibly Stupid, even by Summer Blockbuster Standards, 17 June 2005
1/10

I guess you could say that you get your money's worth from this film, because it sure seemed like it was ten hours long. Of course, that is not really a good thing. In Die Hard 3, we have a heavier and balder (although you really could not tell with the wonderful toupee they spray-painted on his head) Bruce Willis trying to solve an inanely plotted heist. The heist in fact is a multi-billion dollar planned affair, that must have been needed to cover the expenses of the robbery itself. While this ridiculous scheme is being played out, Bruce Willis must teach old racist Samuel Jackson that whites are not bad. Jackson is as irritating as he was in "Changing Lanes." But Bruce Willis will show him he should quit acting like an angry black guy. In fact, they kind of bond, which is what you have to do, when the mad German Evil Genius behind the caper requires them to solve 123 puzzles during the film (which I hear is common in robberies). Of course, the supporting cast is wonderfully stereotyped with characters you have seen in 100 other action movies. Will the gruff and balding Willis be able to stop the bad guy? Might he be able to do it by some moronic twist of irony? Gee I hope not, because I could not stand a fourth installment of this garbage. Thanks!

No Way Out (1987)
21 out of 40 people found the following review useful:
An Underrated Masterpiece !, 28 May 2005
10/10

I don't think I can ever remember a movie quite like this. It has hooks in it that are so refreshing and unexpected. It has performances that are just brilliant. Moreover, it is a movie in which Kevin Costner looks at his most natural best. The story basically revolves around Costner's character trying to discover who killed his lover, before he is framed for it. Of course, he is trying to do this in a closed off Pentagon building while eyewitnesses are being brought in just to point out him. Of course, you have side stories going on everywhere. I don't want to give away any of the little switches or the big one. I will just say, that if you want to see a well done thriller, this is it. Great movie!

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Acton Hits are hard to make, I guess, 28 May 2005
2/10

I always used to scratch my head at how Arnold, Sly and Willis were able to generate such income for movies that were average at best. I guess I just felt that the dumb action movies of the '80s were easy to crank out. HOWEVER, Action Jackson disproves that myth. In fact, "Cobra" looks like "Citizen Kane" compared to this boring and senseless movie. I have no doubt that the producers here envisioned a whole Action Jackson series that would generate untold millions. They got a capable actor in Weathers and put a decent supporting cast in with him, however, the script and story are both dismal. You just can't hold any interest in the story, because it just seems to ramble incoherently all over the place. Once again we have a movie based on numerous other bad movies. Craig T. Nelson had the talent to make for a really bad guy, but even his character ended up being boring and clichéd. Sadly, after this bomb, Action Jackson II had as little chance of being made as the documentary over "The Making of Action Jackson." Oh well, I am sure there is some factory somewhere in the world with a million Action Jackson action figures, still in their packaging, the brainchild of an overconfident marketing department. And I bet, that if you put those babies on ebay, well, not one person would buy one.

3 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Are we to overlook how bad it is because it is geared towards kids?, 12 May 2005
1/10

This is one of those age-old questions. You see a film that is horridly written and acted. The characters are poorly developed and as shallow as the kiddie pool. The story involves just a number of helicopter shots of the characters having fun in foreign cities, while bad music plays. It literally looks like one of those Brady Bunch television shows when they go out and shoot on location. You know, the music is playing while Marcia tries on a goofy hat and the sisters look on in laughter. BUT, fans will say, oh you, it was a sweet movie made for young people. What kind of young people? Stupid young people? I'm sorry, a bad movie is a bad movie, period. I am giving it a 1, I'm sure that my 1 will be balanced by the numerous stup...erhhh...young people that will be giving it a 10.

6 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
The Passage is not worth the time, 11 May 2005
1/10

Quite Frankly, this film was terrible! The acting, the story, the sound, the lighting, the everything. Coming up with ten lines here is going to be hard. I mean, I can only say it sucked so many times. OK, let's look more closely at why it sucked? Malcolm McDowell, the legendary actor from "A Clockwork Orange," is in this film, kind of. His performance is so over the top, that we can only imagine what was going on in his personal life at the time. Did you know that SS officers wear jock straps that have swastikas on them? Well they do! At least McDowell's character (that can't seem to be killed) did. You know what, the film was awful and I have spoken too much about it.

30 out of 32 people found the following review useful:
A Magnificent Tale of Disillusionment and Betrayal, 5 April 2005
10/10

There is something about true stories that makes them so much more interesting than fiction. I guess it is the fact that truth has always been stranger than fiction. The Falcon and the Snowman tells the true story about Christopher Boyce and his buddy Daulton Lee. Boyce (Hutton) is a former alter boy and intellectual, trying to find an occupation that can support and entertain him. His FBI father is able to pull some strings and get his idealist son a job working in the defense department. Boyce has few responsibilities and seems to be complacent drinking and goofing around with his co-workers. However, as time goes on, Boyce starts to learn top secret information that causes him to doubt the morality of his government. The idealist Boyce soon sees the illegal operations that the CIA is carrying out in above all places, Australia. Boyce eventually decides that he will leak some of the top secret info he is privy to, to the KGB. Of course, Boyce's mistake is the assumption that because the USA is doing bad things, the USSR is the good guy. Over time, Boyce and his drug-dealing buddy Lee (Penn), start to sell their top secret information to the KGB. What was once idealism, turns into capitalism and espionage. The strength of this movie is the incredible performances by Hutton and Penn. Although one of them starts off with the best intentions, they will both soon find themselves in an unending downward spiral. Great direction, music, everything. Not only a great film, but one of my all-time favorites.

Spartan (2004)
4 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
The Worst Script Ever, 1 April 2005
3/10

Well, it does not shock me that a moron like Roger Ebert would give this thing four stars, that guy lost all credibility about 100 lbs. ago. For the record, I was amazed at just how bad this film was. The script, the music the acting, everything! Val Kilmer and his partners are just so stiff, and the unrealistic dialog they spew seems penned from a Junior High student. There are numerous scenes that just amaze me that they made it through the editing process. I am not even touching on the implausible and unrealistic story lines. Heck, there is no other way of saying it, this film is stupid! Seriously, Hollywood puts out a lot of bad films today, but most of those films are bad because they are unoriginal and uninspired. This film was kind of original and a little inspired, but the horrendous acting, poor script and ridiculous characters just make it impossible for me to recommend. I can see why it bombed, I just can't see why it was released in the first place. I like David Mamet, I really do. However, I think he was not qualified to deal with this subject matter, kind of falls out of his expertise. Seriously, this thing should have gone straight to cable.

50 out of 60 people found the following review useful:
Want to take a strange trip?, 21 March 2005
10/10

The old saying is "truth is stranger than fiction," and you know what, it's true. In "Party Monster" we are taken on a very trippy and true little journey that allows us to see first-hand, the crazy club life of New York City in the 1980s. In particular, we get an up-close and personal biography of the "club kids." The "club kids" were a group of young party monsters that were actually paid by club owners to show up at their clubs. Mind you, these kids did not do any kind of performing at all, they simply showed up. However, when you see their outrageous costumes and attire, you see why people had their eye out for them. These kids were bizarre and odd and stoned and well, weird. Livng lives that were so out of balance, tragedy was inevitable. Green and Culkin portray the two most prominent members of this group and they are both good. However, it is Culkin that really steals the movie, breaking away from his stereotypical characters of the past and playing somebody that very few actors would be brave enough to take on. The reason I gave this movie 10 stars, is the look and sound. This movie is like watching an acid flashback from the 1980s. I mean, you are there, in the room with them as they strut in and snort up. The music is 1980s, the attitude is 1980s, it is hard to describe. Much of the film is dream-like. Moreover, Culkin is mesmerizing as a character too odd for words. No, the story and acting are not Oscar-worthy, but the look of the film, the feel of the film, wow! I predict that this film will become more popular as the years go by. It has the qualities of all those great midnight movies of the 1980s. I really recommend it for people craving something different and historical (in a weird sense).


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