wondernat Reviews

Strange Frame: Love & Sax (2012)

A Pleasant Hodgepodge of Everything that Works Well

[8/10 · 23 June 2014]

For fans of Frank Herbert's "Dune," Aeon Flux (to a degree), "Across the Universe" (the musical, and up to the part it started to drag), and "Triplets of Belleville," I recommend this movie.

It takes place in a netherworld (or our world) future, 7 centuries down the line, and I thought of "Dune" in that there's a new system in place for all inhabitants.

I thought of "Across the Universe" because of its use of music to disjointedly establish the events leading up to the climax. Next, I was reminded of "Triplets of Belleville" because of its use of visuals (sans sound) to construct the mood of the scene. There is some Aeon Flux-ish stuff in there, but not too much; Aeon Flux fans are warned. Just some scenes for you to remember those late nights watching MTV to catch an episode before the hour was run out.

In all, I believe this movie was such a fantastic artistic feat, I am not sure whether calling it an "LGBT movie" does it any justice. Rather, I found it was a very ambitious animated movie project that worked very well.

Ambrosia (I) (2012)

Good Succinct Take on Tradition

[5/10 · 29 April 2014]

First off, I want to express my disgust at the PR folks for sexualizing and over-playing the non-existent lesbian angle. The poster is the biggest deception of this movie.

Secondly, I watched the movie despite the negative reviews. This movie is for those who understand and live within traditions. It's a timid yet effective character study of a traditional Iranian-Canadian woman whose inner desires are sparked by her lesbian boss' romantic overtures. It's about empowerment, in the sense that we must be free to make the choices we want, whether it be outside of our traditions' norms or within them. At the end, I felt tenderness for the heroine, who wound up making the decision she wanted, NOT what anyone thought she ought to do.

I think there may have been a lot of disappointment from folks who hoped her decisions would've been different, but the writer/director wrote the character so well, I was just happy she came to her own decision regarding her life.

Controversial, yes, because as I write this, I can come up with five other counter- arguments, but as a film, I think it was a good endeavor.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015)

Season 9: Worst Cast Addition Ever

[8/10 · 21 September 2009]

I am an avid CSI fan. I have followed it since Season 1. CSI has consistently sacrificed unnecessary background drama in favor of science and forensics. It was absolutely thrilling to watch the cases and science come to the fore as the main character of each episode. I'm not a science person, but this clever development over the seasons has made CSI a unique show. Unfortunately, the show's been killing / booting off characters (Sarah Sidle, Gary Dourdan, the lady who plays Sofia), throwing off the dynamic of the team (though Lauren Lee Smith has meshed extremely well).

Then, Grissom leaves and Laurence Fishburne replaces him. I love Mr. Fishburne. He's the BAMF of any screen. However, his addition is just wrong. First off, he's CSI Level 1 (bottom of the feeding barrel) and yet his screen presence supersedes that of Catherine (newly promoted supervisor). Yes, I know he's a bigger star and all, but it's just wrong to change the show for a superstar. He does not make CSI: CSI is already established. It ain't broke, don't fix it... For instance, he goes on cases by himself. He's a friggin' level 1. Not only that, but there's so much more drama. The last episode I saw, "Mascara" was the epitome of my objections. The entire case was resolved with flashy productions and over-dramatized acting. Nick was reduced to tears in an episode. There's this new camera angle w/ a 360- rotation directly on the person.

Dunno... if the end of Season 9 doesn't improve, I'm writing it off. I'm sorry to say, but CSI will have lost a fan because of all of these changes. So sad.

The L Word (I) (2004–2009)

Who messed this one up?

[5/10 · 8 July 2008]

The L-Word is one of those promising tricks you just brought home from a bar that you think is too good to be true: she's hot, she's funny, she's smart, and o man, is she great at foreplay! As you're deep in a hot, enveloping kiss, you moan as her hands move down to your jeans, and.... she asks you whether you have any STDs. *BOOM* You say "of course not, let's continue." You're kissing again, and right as you're about to unbutton her shirt, she says, "really, cuz my ex had some really nasty stuff, you know?" *BOOM BOOM BOOM* Foreplay ruined. Your mojo's never coming back out to meet this floozy again, and you begin to wonder why o WHY you didn't go with the less-hot-but-nonetheless-attractive trick who was eying you affectionately at the bar. You've been duped by a very attractive package without bothering to look inside the contents!

I should note, first of all, that it would appear that NO ONE, including women, know how to write women. It's very very sad. QAF's lesbians were so annoying I almost wished they'd write out Mel and Linds. In the L-Word, Chaiken must've used M&L as inspiration for all of her characters.

After following the L-Word for three painful seasons, this is how I would describe the experience. It starts out strong and promising, like any relationship does: great cast (Leisha Haley, Jennifer Beals, Pam Grier, e.g.), some promising plot twists (pregnancy, friendships-to-lovership), and strong, quirky personalities (i.e., Shane, Alice, Jenny).

Unfortunately, at some point mid-season 1, the higher powers that be at Showtime decide, "hey, I met a really F-D up lesbian the other day, let's make ALL of them just like her!" I'm guessing this lesbian had MAJOR daddy issues stemming from her childhood which she coped with lots of drugs, denial and tricks. There's just no other way to explain what happened to these seemingly sane characters. In fact, the writing in this show is beyond explanation. It's one WTF after another. In fact, "WTFs" evolve into "WTFIGHNITS" (WTF-in-gods-holy-name-is-this-S***). Suddenly, EVERY lady turns up with drama in an episode! And they're all done BADLY. You can smell B's infidelity EPISODES before they occur - subtlety really isn't the writer's forte.

But that's not everything - another proposes out of the blue, another falls in love for her, and the proposer gets dumped! Then, to make matters worst, the friend who thinks she's lucked out gets dropped like a heroin addiction because the proposer wants to end this relationship w/ her CLOSE friend to pursue someone she'd only been on ONE date with! Are you exhausted yet? Then, take a breath and prepare yourself for a major WTFIGHNITS: proposer DIES. Out of the blue.

Then, to add insult to injury, the producers insert a G-D'd PA about..... BREAST CANCER. Someone should've told them that adding such an important message to a lousy episode like that was just as insulting and tacky as strolling into a lung cancer ward with a lit cigarette. Like... really, guys?

And please, don't get me started on Jenny. Poor, poor Mia Kirchner. You know a great actress when you see the crap she has to get into to portray her character as she's written and still do a good job. We all hated Jenny at some point; in fact, you probably wanted to smack Jenny, too (though you wouldn't admit it aloud). That's because of two things: 1) Kirchner really got her part down WELL and 2) NOBODY would do the BS that Jenny does. Really, if someone around you behaved like Jenny, interventions would take place to hospitalize this crazy B. It just wouldn't happen. People who are that crazy don't have so many level-headed friends. (News update: as of Season 4, Jenny's mildly sane again.)

Lastly, I know Daniella Sea is really hot, but casting her just because she's a pretty face is very very low. THE GIRL HAS THE ACTING ABILITIES OF A BISCUIT! Get a biscuit and Sea in the same scene and let's all determine who the better actor is. THE BISCUIT, HANDS DOWN! "I. Am. Going. To do. Com-PUUUU-tor. Sarch." Blaaaaaah, get her off my screen! This could've been so much better in many ways. Unfortunately, we got jipped by so many exterior and more powerful forces that we couldn't win.

Thus, if you're looking for a show where hot women get with each other and engage in maddening, infuriating, irrational, unpredictable and idiotic drama, this is your show. If not, hold out for something more sane.

Saving Face (2004)

A movie that had to be made

[9/10 · 17 June 2008]

This movie by far exceeds every possible bar: it's a wonderful lesbian story, it's a great cross-cultural movie, romantically it's moving, and it features an almost entirely Chinese/Chinese-American cast. Alice Wu has to receive much more praise for being the mastermind behind this magnificent project, and Lynn Chen, Michelle Krusiec and Joan Chen are nothing short of brilliant in their roles.

To say this is a cute and humorous look at Wil's journey of self-discovery is trite and does not do this movie justice. Rather, I will refrain from providing a mere synopsis; on the other hand, I will comment that "Saving Face" has created a new bar for any romantic comedy AND for minority-interest films ("MIF").

I have found that for many MIF, there's always an unspoken pressure to convey the mandatory "we're minorities with our own cultures but we're still people (dammit)" message. Otherwise, you infuriate the people you're supposed to represent, while risking alienation of the people who aren't in said ethnic group. However, "Saving Face" not only bucks to this unspoken pressure, but overcomes it in 3 important ways:

1. It's a romantic story that parallels Wil's budding relationship with Vivian, another community member who had a crush on Wil since they were little (or had that initial crush that was rekindled when they met again 19 yrs later). It's formulaic in that girl meets girl, but it's not in that girl now needs to choose between her individual self versus tradition and family... which doesn't leave much room for "I".

2. Following the logic of the above point, it also achieves the task of showing a Chinese-American's "tango" through her adult life and how it clashes with her traditional upbringing. We see that for the majority of her life, Wil's relented her needs and wants in favor of "saving face," but slowly she realizes (through her mom, no less!) that she needs to sever some of these ties if she wants to live her life and be happy... and believe me, for us "traditionalist upbringing folk," this is not so simple! There is no "ME" in any traditional family, whether American, Asian, Middle Eastern, African, etc. (Yes, there is irony to be had in that one.) This message is especially important, and I don't think it's restricted to the Chinese-American community. Yes, it may vary in degrees in varying cultures, but the movie does make the point that any strong family-centered family highly discourages individualism. This is contrasted with Vivian's more permissive and highly tolerant family, which is anything but traditional.

3. Perhaps it's the incredible build-up discussed in points 1 & 2 that make this romantic comedy work. I usually detest romantic comedies because there's really nothing new about them - protagonist A and love object B will end up together in the end. (Otherwise, it can't be called a romantic comedy *BARF*) However, "Saving Face" works great as a romantic comedy because the audience receives something that is so lacking in this genre: investment into the characters. We see Wil and Ma each have so much to lose, and yet they decide to follow their hearts and are the better for it. Wil is especially brave for deciding to let go of all of the conformity and filial duty she's been ingrained with so that she can have the freedom that has been denied to her for 28 years, WHILE maintaining that connection to Ma. That, to me, made their romances that much more special. At the end, you're rooting for BOTH Ma & Wil. You don't care any more about what the community will think, or of Grandpa's honor. You know that in the end, people will get over it but you're not sure whether love will conquer all... and that's such a disquieting sensation because you WANT love to work out. For everyone. That's why it's also a great romantic comedy.

I loved this movie. I truly believe that as an Asian-American minority, I am both relieved this movie was made and outraged there aren't more positive representations of minorities in mainstream Hollywood. Go Mr. Will Smith for helping the advancement of minorities everywhere!

Sex and the City (2008)

Great closure for the fans!

[8/10 · 15 June 2008]

As a FAN of SATC, I absolutely LOVED this movie. It was such a sweet ending to this modern-day middle-aged fairy tale ride that Carrie & Co. took us along on for nearly 10 years. I'm so glad they made this movie! However, since I like to think of myself as objective, I'll lay out the little things that threw me off.

It should be noted that this movie was WAY sadder than I had expected; indeed, some plot twists I felt were thrown in just for the sake of cheap movie drama, i.e., Steve does something in the movie that made several fans in the audience gasp. My chin dropped in utter disbelief - surely, not Steve Brady! Also to note is Carrie's hideous outfits. As all SATC fans know, when she dresses cute, she's CUTE. When she's off, boy, are her outfits FUGLY! (Still wincing at the memory of some of her outfits.) Another thing I didn't like: Samantha didn't have ANY *hot* *hot* sex. :( So uncharacteristic. Plus, when she reveals a little tummy roll, everyone freaks out and calls it a gut. Hm, OK. Right. SOOOO FAT. How dare she have a tummy roll. *eye roll* Oh, and two whiny queens that you NEVER expect to HOOK UP. Another UHHHHHHHHH... Okay.... this is the movie.....

Alrighty, so WOW. I absolutely loved this movie because despite these detours from the original material, it was still a great conclusion to 8 years of great programming. The movie, like each episode, was cheesy, emotional, hilarious, and to the point. It celebrates the power of sisterhood and reminds us all that being single and fabulous can sometimes be the best situation for a smart and strong woman because the relationship she has with herself is truly the most important one.

The jokes were of SATC caliber ("Poo-keepsie-d") and the ladies were at their best. Even Cynthia Nixon gets to show us a Miranda that's incredibly strong yet ridiculously vulnerable. I truly felt for her in many scenes. I have to say she and Carrie got the most love in the silver screen, while Samantha was almost all but excluded from the movie (not cool w/ me) and we finally get to see Charlotte's fairy tale life. (ooh, Charlotte fans: you will ADORE the little development they throw for us here!) If you're exclusively a Samantha fan you probably won't enjoy the movie too much, but rest assured that if you were unsatisfied when you watched Carrie pick up John's telephone call on her cell, you won't be disappointed.

It was truly worthy of the television series we have all come to love.

Lost and Delirious (2001)

It's all in the acting

[6/10 · 21 May 2008]

Piper Perabo is absolutely moving in this film, which centers around Paulie (Perabo) and Tori's brief love tale, as told through the eyes of Mouse (Mischa Barton), a neglected young lady who is placed in boarding school by her father at the suggestion of her step mother. However, like many lesbian movies made before the Dykefication of (mainly Californian) American society, this is one that has no happy ending, despite the mainly Canadian cast.

Mouse obviously feels estranged from her family since the passing of her mother, and finds quick acceptance and camaraderie in her roommates, Paulie and Torie. Paulie is adopted and feels like she has no real family and is obviously devoid of any spiritual connections with many people in her life, save for Tori. Tori, on the other hand, is very sheltered by her conservative parents, but like Paulie, she also feels like her family isn't entirely who she is.

We then discover that Paulie and Tori are lovers and often make love while Mouse is (supposedly) asleep, thereby lacking the decency to slip a Nyquil into Mouse's bedtime milk so she can peacefully sleep through it all. However, one morning Paulie forgets to crawl back to her bed (!!!) and the pair are caught by Tori's little sister and her posse.

Tori, thinking of how her parents and family might abandon and disown her, is quick to denounce what her sister saw and chalks it all up to Paulie's emotional imbalance. This has got to be the most infuriating and gut-wrenching scene of the movie when the perpetually closeted girl seals herself into her gilded wardrobe with a perky and half-convincing "I'm boy crazy!" This drove me insane because it almost seemed as though lil sis was about to say, "If you are, I'll eventually think about starting on re-accepting you as my family out of love." Meanwhile, her (bratty) little sister not only spreads the rumor around the school that Paulie is lesbian, but that she is after her very straight sister. Tori even begins a relationship with a boy from a nearby boarding school to assert her heterosexuality. This is because we all know the sure cure for homosexuality is a big obnoxious frat boy penis.

Mouse watches all this and remains friends with Paulie, despite the rumors people are spreading. Although she tries to help her friend, even Mouse can't stop Paulie's near psychotic downward spiral into torturous emotional HELL. My heart just went out to Perabo's acting as I had to endure ever more unbearable uncomfortable scenes of Paulie absolutely losing it in class, at the dining commons, at the father-daughter dance, and right before the climax. Going back to the obnoxious frat boy stereotype, I was kind of disappointed that Paulie didn't clock the moron's chin after he proclaims that he played Laertes in Hamlet. His face was so schmuck-y I really wished Paulie would hit him in principle.

Anywho, the ending is for your viewing pleasure/disgust. There are also some juxtapositions with the hawk and Paulie but quite honestly, that parallel was lost on me... I was "Lost" for the most part because I couldn't understand why Paulie, someone who held herself together despite her fragility, would completely lose it for a closeted girl... and "Delirious" because despite the former statement, Perabo really did do a good job with the insane material she was given.

However, this is why I couldn't give the movie a better grade... it made me too uncomfortable. I felt absolutely embarrassed for Paulie and just hoped HOPED she could just get over herself and Tori. So many scenes are just downright uncomfortable to watch, and I really believe that it's because Perabo got the pain of Paulie down perfectly. While I don't want to dismiss this movie because of the "lesbian movie tragedy" stereotype, I wanted to put it out there in case you're expecting a heart-warming "Saving Face"-ish love comedy.

Superman/Doomsday (2007 Video)

I don't like Supes but I liked this movie

[8/10 · 9 April 2008]

I don't like Supes because to me he's a dork. He's this ultra powerful boy scout who gets sh*t for being a dork from Bats. Sometimes reading or watching him make me roll my eyes and *snort*. I really have no respect for Supes, especially after the "Superman Returns" fiasco. (Plus, don't get me started on the Supes-to-Clark transformation w/ an ordinary pair of sunglasses...!)

However, my opinion of him increased exponentially. All of my criticisms aside, I think this movie was really important in showing why Superman is such an important hero: he's powerful like a god, but he refuses to debase humanity or elevate himself accordingly because of his strong moral respect for all life, which is rooted on his upbringing. To me, it really added a new dimension to Superman's persona by making him more psychologically accessible. In addition, I think it made me respect the secondary characters more (i.e., Lois Lane, Perry White, etc) because the movie strongly implies that they CHOOSE not to connect the (obvious) dot between Supes and Clark out of respect for what he HAS to do. (That to me was reminiscent of Jim Gordon in "Blind Justice.")

Some have commented on the casting, and while I do agree that George Newburn IS Superman, I also see the importance of bringing in fresh talent for a project that bears no continuity to the JLA/Superman Animated series. Thus, it made it easier for me to get into "Doomsday" a lot quicker because my mind wasn't looking to bridge any continuity gaps. (Even though I sure love Clancy Brown's voice!)

I can't comment on parallels/accuracies with the book as I have not yet read it, but after this movie, I am definitely inclined to check it out.

Two Days in Paris (2007)

A very pleasant time

[8/10 · 1 February 2008]

At first I was very apprehensive towards Adam Goldberg: he's the quintessential insecure, cocky and egotistical American dude. (But, for some reason, is incredibly attractive to a number of straight women.) However, after I thought about it, without the personality he portrayed, this movie would've been impossible to make.

In my view, the movie accomplishes two things: 1) showing how men's possessive (American) capitalist ways interfere with their relationships (i.e., the "she is only mine; she has been some other man's before, therefore she's a slut" sort of possessive mentality). I say this because a huge conflict in this movie was stemmed by Jack's inability to cope with the fact that Marion had belonged to other men in the past. It seems that even though he's supposedly OK that he isn't her first, he's still obviously bothered by it. This is paralleled by Marion's French ex-boyfriends' nonchalant attitudes with one another (i.e., going to the same parties). In other words, Socialist French men don't care that they're not the only one to "possess" Marion, whereas American Jack is very very disturbed by it.

Another goal this movie achieves is the humanity of the characters, set against a vivid Parisian landscape. For instance, Delpy doesn't find it necessary to tone down the characters' main flaws. The characters radiate on through, flaws and strengths. I thought this was especially great, given the personal commentaries at stake.

It was pretty funny and charming, as well. Again, in my view, a product of just letting all of the characters be their imperfect selves.

The Simpsons: Husbands and Knives (2007) Season 19, Episode 7

great episode for comic book fans

[8/10 · 15 January 2008]

I watched this episode because somewhere on the "Watchmen" fan boards, I saw a clip of Millhouse holding up a "Watchmen Babies: V for Vacation" DVD which he holds up to (well-known anti-commercial BS advocate) Alan Moore. Upon watching it, I was doubly amused by the "Korean covers of Tom Jones songs" bit (for many personal reasons). Plus, Art Spiegelman kicking ass after he exclaims "Maus in the house!" was very amusing.

Naturally, the opening of a Simpsons episode is never what the episode is entirely about. Thus, going into the "Shapes" twist and Homer's ultimate decision to undergo cosmetic surgery was pretty weak in my opinion (and f*ing disgusting). With that in mind, what's happened to Dr. Nick? Did the producers decide that one stereotype of Spanish speaking doctors is better than another? Pretty weak.

Comic book fans: watch the first 10-15 min of the episode and chalk up the rest of the episode as a growing trend to include as much tripe as possible to the declining Simpsons saga.

Ocean's Eleven (1960)

A classic best left in the 60s

[6/10 · 15 December 2007]

I know it's unfair to judge a historical piece from a modern perspective, but I can't help but throw in some of my own personal bias against this Dino quote: "(If I were elected in public office) I'd repeal the 14th and the 20th; take the vote away from women and make them slaves." That quote was enough to ruin my illusions of the movie. It was hard to believe that even in the 60s it was OK for men to say stuff like this in the mainstream. *Sigh*

Another thing that sucked was the end -- how is it that after all they went through, they didn't get to keep their loot? Once again, I suspect they had to appeal to the (unfortunate) white and self-righteous general public that would've just been up in arms about the thieves getting away with their crimes at the end. It just wasn't satisfying to watch all of these cool cats walk away from Vegas empty-handed. Again, I suppose at the time this film was made, such ending would never have been accepted. (But still!)

However, it's a fun movie and nothing takes away the fact that this is was the "IT" movie - super cool, suave and Rat-Packed! Dino and Sammy Davis, Jr. make this film so smooth with their numbers. It was truly awesome to watch them perform. I wouldn't call it a musical, however, because their numbers were brief and scattered, rather than often and organized. I think that's what made it fun: you never know when they're going to belt it out for the audience.

This is what makes me think that this movie was made primarily to get the Rat Pack together in a film. It was fun to watch all of these debonair gents strut down the Vegas Strip on New Year's Eve, but if watched for anything other than this angle, you may be slightly disappointed. Good thing I'm something of a Dino fan.

Carandiru (2003)

A great commentary on Brazilian crime & punishment

[8/10 · 10 December 2007]

Sociopolitical context: This movie is perfect if you want to understand why the PCC (Primeiro Commando da Capital) was founded after the Carandiru Massacre of '92. The PCC is a state recognized terrorist group which coordinates massive and simultaneous prison riots throughout the state of Sao Paulo. About 2-3 years ago, it staged a major riot that took to the streets of Sao Paulo and couldn't be quelled for days.

Moreover, many people have considered this movie to be biased. In a sense, that is very true because it is told by the doctor who treated the inmates and thus forged friendships with the criminals. Moreover, the military police officers who raided the prison have never come forward to give their accounts of the events.

This movie is set in the late 80s, at the outbreak of the AIDS pandemic and culminates with the infamous massacre. The movie surveys the lives of several inmates, in the style of "mockumentary." This is used primarily to humanize the criminals and to give them a voice, as well as a sense of humanity. Regardless of what society thinks of criminals (or "marginais"), this film made sure that every inmate had a name, a story and a sense of honor. (However warped we think they may be.) Many will call this part slow because it is: it's not designed to progress the plot, it's merely there to make you feel the humanity of these prisoners. In my opinion, although slow, it was still fun to watch. Classic moment: showdown of Majestade's "honeys."

The effect of the "slow" hours of the movie finally deliver a very traumatic and powerful result: when the military police stormed the prison towards the end, it is trying not to feel genuine shock and horror. I was seriously disturbed; although quelled, the MP invaded the prison anyway and opened fire at inmates that had massively surrendered their weapons. The blood pool and collection of holed-up corpses along the corridors sent shivers up my spine. 111 inmates murdered by the MP without weapons. Based on Dr. Drauzio Varella's accounts, there was no legally justifiable or excusable reason for opening fire upon 111 inmates. The humiliation that followed was likewise painful to watch.

I enjoyed this movie because it poised many questions: which punishment should fit which crime? Is humiliation and slaughter appropriate only when you wear a badge? Who is the bigger criminal? Brazil - for all its faults - is still my home and I love my country. I was taught to believe that crime is commonplace and part of living in such a beautiful and warm land. However, as a law-abiding citizen, how much brutality do I tolerate in my name? And on a side note, a mundane curiosity overcame me: how come they get to walk around freely around the prison? How is it that Lady Di has a very cute and well-decorated room? How and why do they get hot plates, TVs & radio? If this is true, it really does crack me up and stirs a myriad of emotions in me towards the Brazilian justice system!

Lastly, if you're not about any of the political stuff, at least watch it for Rodrigo Santoro's performance. He is AWESOME in drag!

Eastern Promises (2007)

Could've been better in so many ways but wasn't

[5/10 · 17 September 2007]

I'm not really sure where all of the rave reviews are pouring in from, considering this is one of the most gratuitously violent movies I've seen in 2007 (and I actually saw "Grindhouse"). I really wish someone had taken the time to review this honestly, and outside of the hype glow.

"Eastern Promises" is synonymous to a lazy kid who tries to do all of his chores at once without taking the care to do them well. As we all know, the end result is a half-painted fence here, a barely mowed lawn there, and a sink full of unrinsed soapy dishes. What this means for "Eastern" is a number of interesting ideas that never realize their full potential due to the director's unforgiving A.D.D.

Firstly, it tries to portray a Russian mafia drama by employing Viggo Mortensen as a macho mafioso, whose manliness borders on "300" homosexuality. The end result is a near-closeted tough guy with the worst "Russian" accent ever. For those of you who watched Jessica Cauffiel's performance on "D.E.B.S.," you'll find a very close resemblance to her accent with that of Mortensen's and Vincent Cassell's. Their accents are so horrible, the movie employs subtitles whenever Mortensen and Cassell speak of former USSR states (i.e., Georgia, Ukraine) in English.

Another way they tried to portray a mob story was through the obvious formula of violence. Unfortunately for (me) mob movie fans, the violence is incredibly gratuitous. I'm usually the one in my group to enjoy a good car chase or brawl scene - therefore did I enjoy Mortensen's (unintentional) "jingle-jangling scene?" O yes - but definitely not for the reasons that the director had intended. Watching this 15-minute macho fest was so un-called for, and I've never been less entertained by a fight scene like this one. The carnage was so gross, and added to that, I had the "pleasure" of seeing Mortensen's manhood plastered all over the silver screen. "Raw" takes on a whole new meaning, thanks to this scene.

Secondly, it attempted to convey a message about the horrors of women trafficking, but the way it was done was outright disgusting. I liked the idea that the movie might have brought some sort of attention to the problem of sex trafficking, but the way they conveyed the message was no more effective than putting up anti-pedophilia fliers at a Thai brothel. Moreover, Naomi Watts' character didn't do much because the director and the screenwriter immediately barred her from the "boy's club." Her ultimate crucial role in the movie? Of a health care professional who acts maternally unprofessionally by struggling to find an orphan's family. Again, the woman HAS to be the mother; otherwise she's the whore.

In conclusion, watch this movie if you've got the forgiving attention span of 15 minutes. However, if you require the movie to tie all several subplots coherently, then it's definitely not for you.

Stardust (2007)

The kind of romance you wished Hollywood would make more often

[9/10 · 30 August 2007]

I went into this movie with nothing but the lowest of expectations. I thought this was the worst marketing job ever for a major motion picture, but suffice to say that if you were likewise beguiled by the shoddy trailers and horrific title ("Stardust," for cryin' out loud!), you will not be disappointed by this movie! First of all, you have to know this is an adaptation of a pseudo-comic book. It's a book written for adults, albeit its illustrations. (You get to see exactly where and how Tristan was conceived in the book!) I haven't finished reading the book yet, but knowing it's an adaptation, I say the movie is wonderful in its own right. The first 30 minutes had me grunting and snorting (cheesy lines to the max!), but as it progressed, the story was truly engaging. The graphics were nothing short of marvelous, helping create the illusion of fantasy without sacrificing its inherent sense of danger and adventure.

As for the acting, I have to say that it's obvious that it took Claire Danes a while to get comfortable in her role. There were many scenes in the beginning that I KNEW were supposed to be for comic-relief but weren't because she missed her mark quite a bit. However, this falls into the first 30 minutes I commented on earlier and easily overlooked. Charlie Cox too was a bit annoying, but you get used to the guy -- he comes off as believable as a naive, adventure-seeking romantic.

And the romance... it was such a cute story! This is where using the fantastic helps bring out the HUMAN not the metaphysical (ironically). The chemistry between Danes and Cox was absolutely charming, and I have to say it's largely due to them that this movie works as a romance.

A note on the POSITIVE queer portrayals (for once in a huge blockbuster like this!). Robert De Niro in drag? WOW!! I guess a lifetime of playing the tough guy really began to bore him! I wasn't too convinced by his stereotypical portrayal of a gay man (dood, Rupert Everett was on the set!), but seeing him in drag and struttin' his thang -- bonus points!! For the parents: there is a lot of blatant deaths and pointless violence, but thank goodness it's all kept off-camera.

This is definitely a movie for the progressive family and the love birds.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Finally an adaptation worthy of Rowling's name!

[8/10 · 22 July 2007]

Note: this review is for those who already read the book!

Being an avid fan of the books, I was extremely appalled and disgusted by "Goblet of Fire," a bit entertained by "Prisoner of Azkaban," and giggled at "Chamber" and "Stone." This, however, redeems Hollywood's greed, and is truly worthy to be attached to J.K. Rowling's name.

**Spoilers begin here** The movie begins with the dementors in Surrey, and everything is accurate (except that Harry's patronus didn't materialize - it was just a puff of smoke), right down to Mrs. Figg and the Order members coming to collect him on brooms. Number 12 Grimmauld Pl was a bit weird - I had pictured a mansion crammed inside the little gap between the houses, not a stretch/extension of an apartment building. Nevertheless, they got the creepiness of the Black house. Sirius and Harry's relationship was awesomely done; very caring and paternal. Unfortunately, neither Kreacher nor Dobby have any significant role in this movie, and now I'm particularly concerned as to how they'll convincingly explain the issue of the locket in "Hallows." The Wizengamut scene was done pretty well, and every single character (Fudge, Umbridge, Bones, Figgs, Potter and especially Dumbledore) were portrayed flawlessly.

The year at Hogwarts and Luna's introduction was very well made. The thestrals came right out of my imagination. A brief note should be added here that the actress who played Luna got her part down extremely well. It was the Luna we all had imagined.

The D.A. practices were done very well, and Staunton was a fabulous choice for Umbridge. Although she wasn't "toady" and fat the way Rowling had painted her for us, she still was extremely good and CREEPY. For those of you who want to see Fred & George's big fireworks bang, YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!!! :D A note on Trelawney: in this movie, it is not clear whether she makes the prophecy, and Emma Thompson hardly has any playtime. Moreover, you never get to know that it was Snape who betrayed the Potters to Voldemort.

For those of you who wanted to see more of the ambiguity of James Potter's nature will be a wee bit disappointed, as Harry quickly finds out about the "Snivellus" incident when Snape's legillimency charm backfires when Harry blocks it. As such, the hatred between James and Severus isn't too well explored in this scene, but effective, nonetheless. Also, it is not Hannah Abbott (or whoever it was) who gives the D.A. away, it's Cho under Veritaserum.

Lastly, the battle at the Ministry of Magic was fantastic. The wand fight scenes were very well-choreographed, and Helena Bonham Carter was born to play Bellatrix Lestrange. Even Tonks, who barely had any screen time looked all bad ass. Although Sirius' death was completely different (Bella actually mutters the killing curse), it's quickly overshadowed by Dumbledore's and Voldemort's showdown. Even his possession of Harry was done extremely well, and in that scene, you finally get to see that Radcliffe can act.

Lastly, Grawp makes an appearance, Firenze and his dynamic with the centaurs isn't addressed, but it's an easily overlooked minor detail.

**Spoilers end here** In sum, there were changes, but they were so minor you can't really penalize the producers for it. Yates and Goldenberg did a fantastic job of capturing characters' meticulous details, i.e., Ginny's powerful hexes, Tonks' annoyance of her first name. The movie progressed so seamlessly, it was truly a worthy adaptation. Can't wait to see what Yates and Goldberg will do with "Prince"!

Knocked Up (2007)

The hype of the summer

[4/10 · 22 June 2007]

If you thought there was something off with "40 y/o Virgin" but couldn't quite put your finger on it, here are some words of caution for this movie.

This film is extremely boring. It sets for itself an extremely high bar for humor and shock that it never meets. It also strives for a level of emotionality that is never reached due to the barrage of immature and unfunny stoner/dick jokes. Moreover, just when you think a scene is going to redeem the randomness of the previous scene, another completely unrelated plot twist comes from way out of left field, towing along more juvenile jokes that I doubt 14 y/o boys would find humorous.

Also equally unbelievable is how a hot career woman like Allison would've given a mess like Ben the time of day. Fast-forward past the unbelievable detail Apatow tries to (unsuccessfully)force you to believe, it's never fully explained satisfactorily why she wouldn't have opted for an abortion. It's discussed in passing and lightly, and considering how her character was built, it's pretty unbelievable that she wouldn't have chosen to terminate the pregnancy instead of having a baby with someone she needs to LEARN to respect EVENTUALLY. "Unbelievable" is unquestionably the key word in this movie.

I fell into this ridiculous hype, and I hope most of you will wait until your friend pays for the DVD rental and invites you over to watch this movie. Just be prepared to be bored and disappointed.

The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

Riddled with hype

[4/10 · 22 June 2007]

Steve Carrell's charming and believable. The supporting cast is as mature as my college buddies and I were. The movie's pretty entertaining... for the first 20 minutes.

It would've been great if its running time had been cut down substantially, but it just drags on (and on and on), running on the same immature jokes, which get old extremely quick, albeit hilarious the first time. Many have warned those who are easily offended, but someone needs to also warn those who are easily bored by monotony. Case in point: when a shocking joke is told ten times, it ceases to be shocking.

Like "Knocked Up," Judd Apatow's films, for some reason, are filled with hype and redundancy. Carrell did a great job with what I describe as a circular script; Keener likewise was at her best, and it's her performance that makes me wonder whether it was the one factor that carried the script throughout this unnecessarily dragged-out movie.

I won't even get started on the ending because that alone merits a -1 star.

Gray Matters (I) (2006)

Save your queue

[1/10 · 21 June 2007]

I watched this movie yesterday and was highly disappointed.

Heather Graham and Tom Cavanaugh basically had to carry this awkwardly unbelievable script for five hours (or however long it actually was). From the beginning, every single element of this movie is unbelievable. This movie made me chuckle several times, but they were mainly out of shock that the director/writer actually expected us to believe the many messy scattered elements that attempted to piece this movie together.

The movie's focus is Gray (Graham) and her issues with intimacy. Things get interesting when she realizes that she and her brother have unexpectedly WAY too much in common.

Interesting, intriguing. However, instead of unraveling this story into something believable and palatable, the director keeps taking Gray into these ludicrous twists that never actually make any sense at all. Being an LGBT individual, this movie seemed to echo what all heterosexuals think we go through in the coming-out process. (I'll be insulted if the writer's queer.) Had it not been for the cute chemistry between Cavanaugh and Graham (which, by the way, was understandably forced), I would give it a negative 3 stars.

Red Doors (2005)

Do not watch the movie for its "queer" content

[6/10 · 1 February 2007]

From all of the hype I've ingested through queer news outlets, I thought this movie would be worth watching. Unfortunately, the chemistry between Mia Scarlett & Jules was very awkward -- their first kiss was laughable. There was one cute moment between them (GOUDA!), but it wasn't enough to actually delineate this movie as "queer." It was quite a shock to learn this movie won two awards at the 2005 Outfest. There must've not been many good entries that year.

The awkward queer story line aside, I was very amused by the hilarious comedic timing of Kathy Shao-Lin Lee and Tzi Ma's inner neuroses. It is a rare actor who can entertain without saying much at all.

Watch this movie to be entertained, not for its queer content. Although the lesbian story was very positive and non-dramatic (in L-Word terms), it is far from qualifying as a queer movie.

Six Feet Under (2001–2005)

First season = the only good thing about the entire show

[3/10 · 11 January 2007]

The first season's awesome: acting is great, characters are interesting, and the show's twisted humor keeps everyone on their toes.

Unfortunately, I don't know what the heck happened to the crew after the second season because that was the beginning of very odd twists, ridiculous character development, and over-the-top drama that not even Woody Allen himself would touch.

It gets progressively weirder until you find that you really want many of the cast members to die/get arrested/get written off somehow.

I watched it through mid 5th season, and when I found that there really wasn't anything that could possibly redeem the show, I stopped watching it. The show ended exactly the way I predicted it would, and I felt no regret for skipping however many hours of my life the entire season finale would've taken from me. Peter Krause gets REALLY annoying after a while, too.

Casa de Areia (2005)

Absolutely Wonderful

[8/10 · 18 December 2006]

Con: really slow. I admit I fast-forwarded through most of the panoramic shots. (The desert of Maranhao is beautiful, but there's only so much scenery a person can stand in a 5-minute span.) The end - albeit extremely cute and touching - was too slow for my taste.

Pro: even the most impatient won't find the slow progression that much a burden, thanks to the great dynamic of real-life (and on-screen) mother and daughter, Montenegro and Torres. It's a movie you watch to appreciate the cinematography, the great acting, and non-formulaic pleaser.

The supporting cast was nothing short of great, which complemented quite nicely with Torres and Montenegro as they stole each scene with the fluidity of their acting.

Loving Annabelle (2006)

Not as good as it's hyped up to be.

[5/10 · 14 December 2006]

The synopsis seems intriguing enough, especially when it's complemented by all of the hype surrounding it, compliments of afterellen.com and other trusted queer sites.

However, it was awkward. The lead ladies' interaction was too forced, and the progression of the movie seemed out of place most of the time. I think the plot was very poorly directed, as the crew seemed to be rushing towards their ultimate goal without offering the audience much assistance as to how to reach it with them. The main tension of the movie - that of a student-teacher dynamic - was completely rushed over, and at the end, I didn't sympathize with either Simone nor Annabelle - their romance didn't really make sense to me at all at that point.

All-in-all, I'd say you're not missing much by skipping the movie. Then again, you *must* see what the hype is all about. (then bitch about it later.)

Showgirls (1995)

An inexplicably awful movie all should see once

[1/10 · 21 July 2006]

My first ever "1" rating because this movie really deserves it. I thought about what I hated most about this flick, and it's got to be Berkley's performance. I still think this movie could've been salvaged to a 5 or maybe 6, had the lead been a different (better) actress. I read that Charlize Theron auditioned for the role, but perhaps she didn't look trashy enough.

The dance numbers are really cool, costumes are very interesting, Gina Gershon kicks ass (as usual), and Kyle McLaughlin did his role well. I have to say that I also hated the rape scene. (Perhaps because it was done "well"? Who knows.) Yeah, Berkley basically ruined the movie. She's such a bad actress, she gives nothing - no chemistry whatsoever - for Kyle or Gina to bounce off from. As a result, intimate/intense scenes are REALLY uncomfortable.

But you should watch it anyway. Then you can rate all bad movies to this one and compare them as follows: "x movie is bad, but it's not quite in the caliber of 'Showgirls,' so it's watchable" or "x movie parallels in awfulness with 'Showgirls' in such and such way."

Vanilla Sky (2001)

It doesn't work

[2/10 · 19 July 2006]

First of all, watch "Abre los Ojos." Then you'll understand why I hate it.

Cameron Crowe showed his utmost lack of creativity with this one. Even some SHOTS are exactly alike (i.e., club scene). I was completely upset that Crowe can get a perfectly good Spanish movie, Americanize it, and be treated as a film hero. Crowe has nothing on Amenabar, and shame on Cruise for thinking he could top Noriega's performance by being a schmuck.

Also, Cruise's "schmucky" performance made the continuity of this film completely bizarre. There were some very strong scenes that called for a very different performance/script. Whether it's the screenwriter's fault for not adjusting the mood of the scene or Tom Cruise for being such a schmuck, it just simply doesn't work.

As a standalone movie, I'd give it a 6. However, because I've seen "Abre los Ojos," I'm giving the low marks that I post here. Practice some Spanish and watch "Abre." (Unfortunately, not even Penelope could have salvaged this mess.)

The Method (2005)

Absolutely great

[8/10 · 19 July 2006]

This is a smart movie, filled with interesting and often hilarious dialogue. Every piece of the movie comes together in a very intelligent way. The "obvious" social commentaries are very subtle, and not "in your face," as other ambitious but disastrous films focused on the corporate world can often be. Noriega's my favorite Spanish actor, and he consistently lives up to my expectations.

The movie is set in corporate conference room for a group job interview. The hilarity begins right away with Natalia Verbeke's irresistible charisma. The focus of the movie centers around the one personality that is required to succeed in the corporate realm. It's interesting to analyze each personality of the candidates, and understand why others were eliminated, while only one was selected.

Sounds like a tedious case study, but the director's style and the cast's brilliance is what makes this film unique and enjoyable.