Trombonehead Reviews

The Monuments Men (2014)

A Pathetic and Self-Indulgent Piece of Nonsense

[1/10 · 16 February 2014]

Having read the original book from which "Monuments Men" is taken, I was very interested to see the movie. There is a really fascinating and historically important story here, and it could have made a great film. However, soon after the show begins, it all starts to fall apart. The reason? George Clooney. He directed, and he wrote the screenplay. It's amazingly obvious that in neither of these capacities does Clooney know what he is doing. The screenplay is an absolute joke, totally disjointed, disconnected, silly, trite, and incredibly amateurish for a major Hollywood star of Clooney's stature. The same goes for the directing. George Clooney is obviously a guy with a huge ego, capable of fooling himself and a lot of other people who should know better, that he knows what he is doing. Film-making schools should show this movie as a classic example of what not to do. It's fundamentally flawed in every respect. Editing, music, etc.------one is taken aback by the unbelievable ineptness. Co-stars Matt Damon and Bill Murray and John Goodman and the rest of the cast merely parrot their lines in strange, disjointed scenes that beg to be rewritten by someone with a brain in his head. On the one hand, I totally condemn this piece of Hollywood egotistical stupidity, but on the other I heartily recommend it as an example of how bad movies can get in the hands of people with enormous egos. Stick to acting, Clooney---for God's sake don't direct and write screenplays ever again.

Gunless (2010)

Why Do Canadian Movies SUCK?

[1/10 · 2 June 2013]

As a Canadian, I have to say that I'd like nothing better than to see somebody make a really good Canadian movie someday. In the entire history of the motion picture industry, Canada has only made a couple of movies that stand up as world class. We just do not seem to have the wherewithal to make movies like other non-American countries do---Australia, for example, which has made many great features over the years. So with "Gunless" here we go again. How can one possibly come up with enough adjectives to adequately describe what a totally lame, pathetic, useless waste of time this movie is? It's just embarrassing to think that this is all our Canadian movie industry can come up with. You have to start with the script, which could never have been accepted for production anywhere else but Canada. Our country seems to be so desperate to come up with movies that the Canadian government helps to fund this trash. Two thumbs down for this turkey---it's as lame and pathetic as you can get. Paul Gross is a joke, and so is everyone else in the cast. About the only thing that is good is the background scenery, which is the one thing you can't go wrong with up here in Canada. In every other respect "Gunless" SUCKS!!

Polar Storm (2009 TV Movie)

This Movie Is Absolutely Pathetic

[1/10 · 6 February 2013]

As a Canadian, I can only say I am embarrassed and saddened that my country makes such total 100% garbage as this pathetic movie. One would think that after many years of major productions, we could come up with cinema that stands up with the rest of the world. But it's pretty obvious that our film business is a total joke. The sight of Vancouver's perennial DJ and Man-About-Town Terry David Mulligan dressed up as a General, is so utterly hilarious and totally absurd that it defies description. Everything about this movie STINKS. Story, acting, directing, special effects----you name it, on every level it's got to be one of the most God-awful pieces of junk ever.

Inglourious Basterds (2009)

Tarentino's WORST Movie Ever

[1/10 · 1 June 2012]

I didn't go see Inglorious Basterds when it first came out. Although I'm a fan of other Tarentino movies like Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs,and Kill Bill----and think Jackie Brown was totally brilliant ---- the promotion and the trailer to Quentin's first war movie just didn't grab me. Now that I've finally gotten around to seeing it---- it's definitely two thumbs down. This is not only Tarentino's worst movie ever, it is also one of the all-time worst movies. It doesn't take you long to see that the plot is just a hash-job remake of "The DIrty Dozen" and "Where Eagles Dare" and some other famous war flicks. It's the old "Select-team-penetrates-Nazi-headquarters-in- disguise-and-wipes-the-enemy-out" cliché. There's really nothing really new here at all except the level of violence. Even the foreign dialogue with subtitles has been done many times before. All that happens is that Tarentino basically just throws the cast into a big stage set like a puppet-master, and regurgitates his own standard clichés. It has the usual amount of extremely gratuitous violence thrown into your face at regular intervals. It has the usual number of bizarre, sadistic, disturbed, twisted, and otherwise bent or unconventional characters. It has shocking twists in the plot when you least expect it. But that's all you get. Tarentino fails to to give us something unique, like he can do when he's really on. The basic problem is the script, which is the weakest he has ever written. The plot is just plain silly and pointless, and could have been so much stronger and interesting. There are long tedious scenes with reams of dialogue that just take up time and go nowhere, unlike his earlier productions, where dialogue is original, razor-sharp, riveting, totally unpredictable, and powerful. There are no performances that reach the level of Samuel Jackson, John Travolta, Pam Grier, Uma Thurmann, Robert DeNiro etc. in past productions. Brad Pitt is basically just hamming it up, and is ultimately disappointing. The same goes for the rest of the cast. That's because Tarentino's usual gift for characterization is only partially evident. This movie could have been so much better. It's disjointed, self-indulgent, and ultimately boring. I never thought Tarentino could make such a total loser. I hope he gets back on track with his next one.

Hot Millions (1968)

An All-Time Great Movie

[10/10 · 20 January 2010]

Hot Millions is a great movie in every way. A fun, offbeat story with wonderful performances by four of the best professionals ever to work in the business. Peter Ustinov is brilliant, as usual, and Maggie Smith---definitely one of the greatest actresses of all time--- is a total delight. Karl Malden and Bob Newhart round out the cast and are also perfect. If you want a movie that has perfect casting, this is it. What is so impressive is the way these people work off each other in such a natural and effortless way, creating lots of laughs and fun moments throughout. Peter Ustinov was a genius with a wonderful sense of humor and this is one of his most memorable performances. The direction, photography, and editing are also first-rate, and it's a great time capsule of London in the '60s. It's definitely on my all-time favorites list.

Space Cowboys (2000)

Worse Hair In The History Of Hollywood

[6/10 · 13 October 2009]

This movie wasn't too bad, I guess. Pretty standard All-American gung-ho escapism with Clint as the Ultimate Alpha Male who can handle any situation. The rest of the case were pretty good... BUT BUT BUT MY GOD DARLING, PLEASE can someone PLEASE explain......WHO on earth designed Marcia Gay Hayden's HAIR? Without a doubt, the most unbelievable woman's hairstyle in the history of Hollywood. Is that a WIG or is it natural? Did they wax those upturned tips or did they use Bryl-Creem? How about those incredible bangs too!! WOW!! How could anyone act in front of her and keep a straight face? How could you kiss someone with hair like that and not burst out laughing? Was this supposed to be the Butch Female Astronaut look? I know one thing, she couldn't get an astronaut helmet on with that! I am sitting her just WIGGING OUT, she looks so bizarre! Does anyone know where I could get one for a Halloween costume?

JFK (1991)

JFK Is a BIg Fat Lie And A Piece Of Cinematic Trash

[1/10 · 5 October 2009]

It is amazing to me how many continue to believe that Oliver Stone's movie is somehow the truth behind the Kennedy assassination. Obviously a lot of people are easily fooled, and Stone has made a masterpiece of outright exploitation. He is laughing all the way to the bank. But the actual truth is, this movie is a Big Fat Lie and a piece of total cinematic trash. All the actors who took part in it and helped build up the conspiracy theory are also guilty of aiding and abetting total fraud. Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, and was 100% guilty. No one else was involved, folks!! Sorry but that's all there is to it!! If you want to go on being sucked in by all the conspiracy hucksters who are cheating a lot of people out of their money, then that's your choice. My respect for Oliver Stone as a serious film-maker went totally down the tubes after he came up with JFK. The same for Kevin Costner. It's pure, total BUNK!! It would have been far better to tell the story based on the real facts, and portray Oswald as the total psychopath that he was. Maybe someday some brave director will do it, because it will make a far more interesting, compelling, and factual movie than this piece of trash.

The Killing Fields (1984)

A Very Great Film, Gets Better WIth Time

[10/10 · 20 September 2009]

I first saw The Killing Fields when it came out. I recall watching it on the big screen and being totally enthralled and impressed. Everything about it has the ring of reality, with a gripping sense of the brutality and evil of war. I think the sequence in which the journalists are arrested by the Khmer Rouge is one of the greatest moments in film history. The brilliant soundtrack that sets the mood as are they held hostage, while Prahn pleads and bargains for their lives, is perfect. You feel as though you are right there with these men as they experience desperation amid the shocking violence of war. The palpable mood of gut-wrenching fear and tension that the actors project goes far beyond the standard Hollywood fare. This movie is a subtle collage of sound, sights, and emotion that is very rare. The cast is uniformly excellent, and in technical terms the direction,cinematography,editing, soundtrack, sets and screenplay are as good as it gets. It should have won Best Picture as far as I am concerned. Haing S. Ngor deserved his Oscar, and Sam Waterston should have won Best Actor too. This is an incredible story and an incredible movie. Too bad they don't make more like it. I've seen it many times over the years and it gets better with time. It's a masterpiece.

Buck and the Preacher (1972)

A Lot Better Than Your Average Western

[8/10 · 18 September 2009]

I just saw this movie for the first time on Turner Classic Movies tonight. I had heard about it, but missed it. It's just another shoot-'em-up horse opera, but this time with a difference. It's one of the only westerns ever made that is a story about black people in the Old West, with black actors in the lead roles. Harry Belafonte is excellent as the Preacher. Sidney Poitier is also very good, and although the story contains the full compliment of standard cowboy movie clichés---shoot-outs, posse chases, bank robberies, whining ricochet sounds, etc.---, it's very entertaining. The vast majority of Hollywood westerns are exclusively white, and feature virtually no black people at all. Indians are almost always featured as pidgin-speaking cigar-store cartoon characters, with white actors usually in the speaking parts. Some idiot composer came up with the pounding tom-toms, descending minor theme music played by trombones and low brass whenever Indians come into the picture. It's unbelievable how ridiculous this music is. Hollywood has a lot to answer for in its racist treatment of minorities throughout its early history, which has never been fully addressed. So it's great to see a western like Buck and The Preacher that is different. As a result, it's a lot better than your average western, even though it milks the same old clichés.

A Soldier's Story (1984)

A Stone-Cold, Under-Rated Masterpiece

[10/10 · 30 May 2009]

This movie is a stone-cold, under-rated masterpiece which continues to stand up over the years. I've watched it many times and it's definitely in my top ten of all time for several reasons. First and foremost is the superb ensemble acting, inspired and united by the great Adolph Caesar. There is a wonderful sense of totally professional unity and purpose among all the cast that is extremely rare. I think it's Norman Jewison's best. Having seen it many times since 1984, I am continually impressed by all the interesting subtleties throughout. Such as the way the camera moves and tracks the action, the wonderful editing, lighting, sense of time and place, dramatic tension and pacing, great script-----this movie is a textbook of how to make a really great movie. Film students should study it and learn from it. It's got everything going it for it that stands up with any of the so-called greatest movies of all time. It should have won Best Picture when it came out, and Best Actor for Adolph Caesar. It says a lot about Hollywood that it didn't. It focuses on a dark chapter in American history that Hollywood rarely visits, and it's a tough and hard-hitting story about racism and anger that wasn't intended to be big at the box office---which to me makes it all the more valuable.

Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid (1973)

Over-rated And Boring

[1/10 · 12 April 2009]

I saw Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid again tonight after a few decades. What a disappointment. If the story is true that Sam Peckinpah was so angry at the studio cut that he urinated on the screen, I can see why. It suffers from bad casting, bad editing and dull pacing, and is often just plain boring. This is due in part to Bob Dylan's irritating music, which drones on and on in the background like a stuck record. They should have gone with a real score by someone who actually knows how to write music. Imagine "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" without Ennio Morricone. The dramatic tension in this movie could have been seriously improved by an intelligent soundtrack, and not amateur Dylan-whining. At the time it might have been hip, but decades later it's just plain bad. I did like the gritty, dusty sense of reality in the sets and locations. But how come everybody is grizzled and gritty except for Kris Kristofferson, who is totally clean-shaven in every scene. He always looks waxed and buffed, like he just stepped out of the make-up trailer. Wouldn't some stubble and grit look more realistic on a wanted outlaw? He's also too old for the part, can't act worth a damn, and always speaks in his famous patented monotone drawl that he uses for every movie he's ever been in. There's a lot of major flaws in this movie. Casting Bob Dylan was definitely one of them. He's totally out of place with all the famous characters like Jack Elam, Slim Pickens, and Dub Taylor. Putting him beside James Coburn, who is a real actor and very believable, is a joke. Dylan was obviously written in for one reason only--- to sell the soundtrack. One of the most over-rated westerns of all time, and definitely not one of Peckinpah's best.

No Way Out (1950)

A Remarkable Movie That Deserves High Praise

[10/10 · 10 April 2009]

I saw this for the first time on Turner Classics, and was really impressed. I had read about it before, but didn't know much about it. For the time it was made, it's courageous, tough and hard-hitting. The frequent use of the n-word and the vicious racism is a very realistic portrayal of the times. It's a very unusual movie because it doesn't follow the usual clean white Hollywood formula of the day. The scene in which the old white lady spits on Sidney Poitier is about as mean and ugly as it gets. For African-Americans who lived through the era when that kind of sheer hatred was common in many parts of America, this would not be surprising. Lynchings, segregation, and the total lack of civil rights for millions of black Americans was the reality, especially in the south. This movie foreshadowed the tremendous upheaval that would follow in the years to come. What an exceptional debut for Poitier, and you can see why he went on to become such a legend.

The Bad Man (1941)

A Totally Entertaining Movie

[10/10 · 25 March 2009]

After reading all the heavy reviews of this movie, I have to respond. Hey, chill out and don't be so serious, people! I had never seen it before, let alone even heard of it. So when I tuned into it one night on Turner Classics, at first I wasn't too sure what to think. But it didn't take long before I began to really like it. It doesn't pretend to be anything other than a corny, light-hearted spoof. Lionel Barrymore is great as always, and so is Wallace Beery. I really liked the fact that there is no musical soundtrack, and it's kind of a piece of theatre with long takes of dialogue and interaction between the goofy characters. All the other members of the cast like Ronald Reagan and Henry Travers simply revolve around the masterful characterizations of Barrymore and Beery. Yes, Beery has the worst Mexican accent of all time----he's doing it deliberately for laughs. And nobody can play a crusty old curmudgeon better than Lionel Barrymore, the world's greatest scene stealer. These two legendary talents have a great rapport. Don't even remotely attempt to take this movie seriously in any way, just enjoy it for what it is and appreciate the amazing talents of two of the greatest actors in movie history. Who couldn't help but laugh at the final scene of Beery galloping through the desert on his horse, pulling Barrymore in his wheelchair? Great comedic acting and a really original, funny script.

Johnny Guitar (1954)

An Embarrassing Piece of Total Rubbish!

[1/10 · 7 March 2009]

I had heard of this movie, but never seen it until recently. I had no idea what to expect. As I began, I eventually started to wonder---is this a satirical spoof from Saturday Night Live, or is it actually supposed to be serious? When I realized it was the latter, I was amazed that anyone could have ever have gotten involved with something so ridiculous. It's hilarious to listen to the corny dialogue and watch the actors taking their roles so seriously. Sterling Hayden is just plain awful as Johnny Guitar, one of the dumbest characters in Hollywood history. Good thing he was able to redeem himself in Dr. Strangelove after doing this! It definitely has to be the worst movie Joan Crawford ever made. The rest of the well-known character actors like Ernest Borgnine and Ward Bond are equally lame. How these fine actors, who are today remembered for their work in some of the greatest classics in movie history, could ever have agreed to work with such an awful, amateur, pathetic script is beyond me. I'm a big fan of westerns, and this is a total insult to the genre. Hollywood has produced some real stinkers in its history, and this movie makes it to the very top of the reject pile for me. An embarrassing piece of total rubbish!

Dudley Do-Right (1999)

Pathetic Trash, And Even Racist

[1/10 · 17 February 2009]

Normally I wouldn't comment on a movie like this, but while flipping channels I started watching it out of curiosity. Within minutes I could see it was really lame and dumb. Eric Idle, who is normally one of my favorite comedians, is really disappointing. Obviously he did this for the money, because this is the worst thing I've ever seen him involved with. Alfred Molina as well, because he is a great actor with comedic talents which he displayed so well in "Maverick". The rest of the cast are totally pathetic. What really got me going was the scene when Dudley rows across the lake with Parker to visit the Indian camp. You would think that the standard, racist, put-down of the Indian people that Hollywood got away with for so many years wouldn't be acceptable anymore. But these people seem to think it's funny to put on Indian costumes and mock the stereotype. It might be funny to some people, but this is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when you have to resort to making fun of the Indian people like this. In fact, it could be called racist. It's the same kind of low-life stuff that Hollywood used to do with black-face when mocking black people was acceptable. Unfortunately, there's no shortage of idiots in Hollywood coming up with this crap.

Blow-Up (1966)

Blow Up Should Be Blown Up!!

[1/10 · 16 February 2009]

Blow Up should be blown up!! What a total bomb. I'm amazed at all the pretentious, heavy psycho-analytical essays on this site from people who think it's a "masterpiece". Give me a break, for God's sake! Yes it's a masterpiece, alright--a masterpiece of really bad film making! One of the silliest, most pretentious, pointless, dull, boring and generally stupid movies ever made. I found myself laughing throughout at the lame plot, ridiculous dialogue, and silly scenarios. If you wanted to hold a seminar on how to make a really bad movie, Blow Up would be a great example. First thing on the list: the screenplay, which is just plain hopeless. Add to this the bad acting, cheesy music,and lousy editing. To be fair to the cast, however: in the final analysis the one to blame for this piece of total absurdity is the director. Anyone who could make something like this and get taken seriously, must have a huge ego. Even his name "Michelangelo Antonioni" is pretentious. The only good things are the nifty cars and the shots of London in the sixties----and the fact that it does show how uptight and conservative things were at the time, when it was considered controversial and "racy". I recently reviewed all the comments again, just to see where I rated. Boy, am I ever in the minority! Unfortunately I work in the movie business, so I don't look at movies with rose-colored glasses. Blow Up was on TV again recently, and I am even more convinced that it's one of the most ridiculous movies in history.

The Pink Panther 2 (2009)

Steve Martin Is Losing It

[1/10 · 6 February 2009]

Sorry, but Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau just does not make it. There is only one Clouseau, and that's Peter Sellers. I can't understand why Martin has done this, except his ego has gotten so big he thinks he's funny enough to pull it off. Well I have news for Steve: Forget it! Both of these Pink Panther remakes are totally lame travesties and nothing more than cheap imitation cash-grabs. Steve Martin, go back to doing what you're good at, being Steve Martin, not a second-rate, amateur, really bad imitation of Peter Sellers. As for John Cleese, he must be hard up for cash. That's the only reason I can see him doing this. Obviously the Hollywood marketing people have aimed this piece of junk at the juvenile market which is too young to know about Peter Sellers.

A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

They Should Make More Movies Like This

[8/10 · 1 February 2009]

As a long-time fan of A Prairie Home Companion, I was intrigued when I heard they were making a movie. As usual, you can expect the unexpected whenever Garrison Keillor and Robert Altman go to work. This movie is no exception. Keillor's inventive brain never ceases to amaze me. I work in the movie business, and I don't like many modern movies. It's great to get to see something once in a while that is totally different from the standard Hollywood clichés and formulas. Technically, it's excellent. Cinematography and editing is first-rate. The way the shots are framed, the continual motion slow-tracking camera work, the set lighting and pacing of the action really impressed me. A great piece of work from a legendary director, and a very funny and entertaining movie.

The War Wagon (1967)

Worst Theme Song Of All Time?

[1/10 · 29 January 2009]

I was flipping channels one night and "The War Wagon" came on. I saw it when it came out in 1967, but not since. I had forgotten all about it, and was mesmerized by the theme song as the credits rolled. As the wagon thundered across the cowboy landscape, I began to chuckle, then laugh. After it ended, I decided that "The War Wagon" gets my vote as the worst theme song I have ever heard. It's so corny that it's hard to believe it ever got to be used. However, Hollywood westerns are notorious for some of the worst musical scores ever conceived. In fact, if you could remove the music from many westerns the movies would be vastly improved. It's always syrupy strings, Wagnerian hero-brass, and the standard thumping bass drums and trombones playing ominous minor scales whenever an Indian comes on the screen. Add a really dumb theme song like "The War Wagon" and that's how you write a horse opera.

Tonight at 8:30 (1952)

I Say, Chaps---I Think It's Rather Brilliant

[10/10 · 29 January 2009]

Different strokes for different folks, I guess! I saw this movie one night on Turner Classics, and thought I'd check out the IMDb write-up. I was surprised to see the negative comments about it, so I have to respond. I couldn't disagree more! It's definitely from another era, the British theatrical tradition of the '30s and '40s when Noel Coward was at his peak. I thought the writing and characterization was totally brilliant in all respects. Three short plays with unique, eccentric British characters involved in totally different slices of life. It's off-the-wall, satirical, cheeky black humor that's always ironic and engaging. All the actors are excellent, and obviously highly experienced veterans of the English stage. Consequently, this is definitely not a Hollywood production, and a lot of people might not appreciate it. But for anyone who appreciates the world of Noel Coward, I think it deserves top ratings.