mergatroid-1 Reviews

All Superheroes Must Die (2011)

Oh man, why did I watch? Why???

[2/10 · 24 February 2016]

I saw this movie advertised a few times here and there. I honestly don't remember where. I saw it on IMDb accidentally when I was typing in "heroes" for something and this title came up, reminding me to have a look. I streamed this from the 'net because it was there. So, I suppose you could say I'm not out anything because I didn't pay for it. I suppose you could say I was bad to these people because I didn't pay for it. I suppose you could say I am part of the problem because I didn't pay for it. OK, I understand. Please, rip the memories of this movie from my head, and I promise I will never download another movie. If this cannot be done, then in payment for what this movie has done to my mind, I should be allowed free movies for life, my choice.

We're talking an interesting idea that sucked me into watching this movie, all the while expecting something interesting to happen, but it never really did. I must admit to hitting the "forward" button a few times because it was just hurting my brain too much.

* Bad Story (good idea though). * Bad acting. * Horrid directing. * Script would make your brain hurt too. * Very low production values.(Duh, $20,000? What did they spend it on? Hookers and booze?)

I have been very lenient with doing reviews at IMDb, as I like a lot of movies others gave very low scores, not because they were awesome movies, but because I could find something to like about them. This movie really didn't have anything.

SPOILERS!!!!

"Superheroes" wake up in a town, no idea how they got there. Their powers are gone and their costumes tattered. Town is wired and their arch nemesis makes them compete in a game of "Do what I say and I'll blow up the hostages anyway", over and over and over. It was just so bad. No one had a brain enough to just stop and say "go ahead and blow us all up if you can, we're not going to co-operate with you" but instead go around following his instructions, killing each other and getting everyone else killed. Three of the four can't even fight, and get their butts kicked pretty much immediately. To top it all off, when the good guys finally "win" in the end, the movie just stops. There is no epilogue, no ending, the good guys try exiting the town not knowing if they could make it...the end. I mean, sure, it was unlikely because they only had 1:30 to get out, but come on, it's very unlikely the bad guy wired every inch of this town, so something must have happened. The story is not over. This is about the lamest ending ever. It's like I came up with this review and ended it in the mid

Evil Dead (2013)

A great movie

[7/10 · 16 October 2013]

I am a big fan of the original movies even though the second movie was basically identical to the first movie. I loved the Army of Darkness. Great camp there.

The first two movies were low budget attempts at semi serious horror. At the time they were made, this wasn't exactly a common type of movie, and they were just about as low budget as a movie could get.

That was OK though because of the talent of Campbell and Raimi. They made the movie what it was. I really don't understand why they made the second one though as it was basically exactly like the first one.

However, both of those movies evolved into The Army of Darkness, which was way less horror and way more comedy. That was fine too, as it gave us something different from what was expected in an Evil Dead movie.

Fast Forward to 2012 and we see what Raimi really wanted in his originals. True horror, and lots of realistic blood and guts. The plot is very similar to the first two, but as others have mentioned, there is no "Ash" in this movie, which I did miss, but it really didn't take anything away from this movie as it stands on its own as a great horror movie.

So, what you will get is: The cabin in the woods (check). The roads impassible (check). The necronomicon (check). Multiple dumb teenagers just asking for it (check).

At this point, things take a change for the serious. Unlike the previous films, this is not a comedy, or a cheap horror film. This movie goes all out to show us exactly why people should stay away from books bound in human flesh. If this was back in the 60s or 70s, they would likely be giving away barf bags.

I've read some of the reviews from some fanboys who think the first movies were the second coming or something. They were really fun movies, and I love them, but they were not great movies by any stretch of the imagination. The Army of Darkness came closest to being a great movie, but it was more comedy than horror, while the first two were obviously going more for horror, but were low budget affairs.

I believe this is what the first movie would have been like if Raimi had the cash to make it at the time.

So, if you want to see a real horror flick, with lots of blood and gore (and really, not "just for the sake of blood and gore" but because, as we know from the earlier movies, blood and gore is what you get if you read that damn book) if you like horror, absolutely see this movie. Just be ready for a real blood bath.

Gor (1987)

Utter garbage and nothing like the books at all.

[2/10 · 13 July 2013]

I honestly don't know why they bothered making this movie (or Outlaw of Gor either).

Now, I know that people are tired of listening to the fans of books put down movies because they stray too much from the books, but in this case, listen up. They didn't just "stray" from the books. This is nothing like them at all.

In the books, there is a counter Earth called Gor. This planet orbits our sun directly opposite the Earth, so it cannot be seen. The "Gods" of Gor are a technically advanced race of giant insects called the Priest Kings. These insects use their technology to prevent humans on Earth from detecting Gor.

The Priest Kings realize that humanity is close to destruction by their own hand (nuclear war) and so they bring a large sampling of Earth's population to Gor, but forbid them from making any form of technology other than medical. Because of this, Gor has developed Stabilization Serums that allow them to stop ageing.

The people of Gor are organized into a caste system, with slavers, warriors, builders, physicians and so on. The main character Tarl Cabbot is in the caste of Warriors. He is a professor from Earth, who was kidnapped and brought to Gor. It turns out his father was a leader of one of Gor's city-States called Ko-Ro-Ba.

The books are all based on his learning the way of Gor, and becoming the best swordsman the planet has ever seen.

Because of the sampling of humanity brought to Gor, the peoples there are separated into areas of the planet they would naturally be from on Earth, thus you have Viking like people in the north, Arab like people in the desert and so on. Many of the books take place with the main character in different areas of the planet amongst different peoples.

Due to the caste system on Gor, they have developed slavery. All slaves are branded and become property of their masters. Many women are used as pleasure slaves, and the author John Norman often goes overboard (especially in the later books) trying to convince the reader how women naturally want to be dominated by men. He gets so involved in this in his later books that I often found myself skipping chapters that had nothing to do with the story.

All of this back-story is basically completely missing from the movies, and the Priest Kings have been relegated to being played by Jack Palance's Xenos character.

So, basically, everything that made this book series "epic" was removed, and they made it into a bad warrior-journey movie ala The Beast Master.

One of the problems is that they may have not had the budget or the capability to pull off some of the great things about the books, like some of the encounters between the Priest Kings and their deadly enemies the "Others", or the ability to see Gor's warriors riding their mounts, Tarns, which are giant hawk-like birds (I can just see them trying to pull this off at the time and failing miserably).

The book that follows the first two, The Priest Kings of Gor, Cabbot actually goes to the mountains the Priest Kings live under, and meets them and is involved in a civil war between the forces of The First and the Fifth (those are the leaders of the Priest Kings, as in the first born, and the fifth born).

Nothing like these characters, events, or even the true nature of the Gor books is even touched on in these two complete failures they called movies. They should have just called them something else considering how bad they were, and how little they had to do with the books.

Personally, I think that if they were to make a real attempt at making these books into new R rated movies, they could have some real block busters on their hands. They could remove 75% of Norman and his fetish with dominating women, but still had a great, bloody, sexy series of movies that could interest a lot of adult scifi/fantasy fans.

As for the movies, just skip them, They're so bad they will leave a bad taste in your mouth. Just don't let it stop you from reading the books.

Cheech & Chong's Animated Movie (2013)

Old albums put to animation

[7/10 · 13 July 2013]

This is basically some of Cheech and Chong's older stuff from their '70s albums made into an animated movie.

Works for me.

Maybe you have to be older to truly appreciate this movie. I remember back when these guys were something out of the ordinary. When radio stations would play some cuts from their albums every night a 11:00pm. I remember Sister Mary Elephant got played quite a bit, being a little tamer than some of their other routines.

This during a time just after the period when comics could be arrested for being too raunchy on stage. Cheech and Chong straddled the line.

So, sure, younger people might not think this movie worth it's salt, but for those of us who remember what it was like in those days, it's nice to see the routines in a movie, even if it is an animated movie.

Jonah Hex (2010)

Loved it

[7/10 · 10 April 2013]

I've seen a lot of renditions of Hex over the last 40 years. This is a decent DC character, and his story always fascinated me. This particular story is yet another origin story, but it's done well enough to keep it interesting. The entire idea of this character is pretty cool and reminds me of Ghost Rider in a way.

The acting and story are very well done in my opinion. Everyone I have talked to who has seen this movie believe it's a real gem and that it doesn't deserve the bad reviews.

If you like the character, for sure see this movie. The movie snobs may not like it, but I think the rest of us will.

Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn (2012)

Not bad, has potential

[6/10 · 5 January 2013]

I've only seen the pilot movie.

I can't believe all the uber fans gushing about this show.

The acting is not all the great. Period.

Overall the show is pretty average. The story is not bad, but the acting and script need some work. It does have potential though, if it goes on and continues to be produced, perhaps the actors will grow into their roles and the acting will improve as they do.

This movie reminds me of the pilot for Babylon 5, where all the acting was stiff and people weren't quite sure about their rolls. The same thing happened in the ST:TNG series, but in both instances the series vastly improved during the first season.

It would also be better if there were actually some adults here and there. I find it hard to believe an entire defense force consisting of nothing but under 25s.

Mass Effect: Paragon Lost (2012 Video)

Great story and acting with better than average animation

[7/10 · 5 January 2013]

I'm not a "fan" of the Mass Effects games, although I did play the second one all the way through. The third one seems to have gotten mixed reviews, but I have been thinking about picking it up anyway.

When I caught this movie, I didn't know what to expect. The story was easy enough to follow, and the art and animation art easy on the eyes. The acting was OK, and overall I enjoyed the movie right to the end.

Anyone who has played the games will be familiar with the universe and some of the characters mentioned in the movie, not to mention the main antagonists. People who have never played the games should have no problem with the movie as a basic history is explained as the movie progresses, with the audience learning all they need to know for the plot to work.

Basically, there have been reports of colonies being wiped out, or disappearing. A squad of marines is sent to one planet to try and stop an attack. They succeed, and are ordered to stay and protect the colony. As they work to repair and upgrade the colonies defenses, they are again attacked by an unknown enemy, one that none of them had seen before.

This universe makes use of a technology left behind by an ancient dead race to power pretty much all their tech. Throughout the movie it is speculated that this new enemy may have been responsible for the disappearance of the ancient race.

As the enemy tries to abduct the colonists, it's up to the heroes to stop them, the main character must make a decision that will haunt him for ever.

The good thing is that the story, script and acting are all done well enough to give you some feeling for the main characters.

Overall, fairly well done. I'll definitely watch this one again.

In the Name of the King: Two Worlds (2011)

Not even as good as the first one

[4/10 · 17 November 2012]

The first movie at least was slightly epic. They had a lot of actors, and then there was Statham and Reynolds, and even though both didn't live up to their full potential, they were better than any actor in this version.

This is an even lower budget production, and the acting and script are not very good. The direction was also lacking. The first movie is watchable, if a little drawn out. This movie most likely should be avoided, unless you have to watch it once to see how a movie should not be made.

Dolf actually isn't too bad, considering all his other movies. All the rest of the cast might as well be replaced with first timers.

X-Men (2011)

They could have done way better

[5/10 · 17 November 2012]

I really love the X-Men universe. The movies were "OK", and the last one was actually pretty bad IMO.

The comics and animated series were all very well done.

I'm also a big fan of anime, and so I thought the two together would really be something special.

Unfortunately it didn't turn out that way. "Average" is about the best I can say for this series. The animation is fine, and the art is actually pretty good. The story, not so much. The dialogue is pretty bad, and it suffers from a problem many of the not so good anime do. Too much philosophical blathering, even during what should be action sequences. I actually got bored a few times.

I mean, who stops in the middle of a fight to consider philosophy and have a chat about it? Another problem I thought sucked is how they treat Storm in this version. For some reason she gets all tired out after a fight, and can't use her powers until she's rested. Lame.

I paid for this series, but you can see it on Crackle.com if you can hack the commercials (or if you use an ad blocker).

Personally, I would recommend skipping it. Next time they want to experiment with anime, I would suggest getting better writers.

Resident Evil: Damnation (2012)

Good movie on its own

[7/10 · 19 October 2012]

I have not played any of the Resident Evil games, but am a fan of the movie series.

This movie apparently takes place in the game universe. I had purchased the first Resident Evil animation, but have not watched it in a while.

This movie stands quite well on its own. The plot is fairly straight forward. Mr cool guy spy had been ordered away from his vacation to check out a problem regarding prisoners of war in a war torn former soviet country. It turns out they were turned into BOWs (Bio Organic Weapons). These are basically humans that have been mutated by a weaponized virus into deadly creatures controlled by whoever has been infected with the master form of the virus.

The country is undergoing a revolution, and the rebels have resorted to using the BOWs against the army. Our hero tries to survive and fight until he can figure out who's controlling the BOWs, and discovers the rebels are not the only ones with BOWs, and there is in fact a much deadlier version right under his very nose.

Action packed all the way through. The animation is better than the first animated movie and the story and acting are great. I enjoyed every minute of it, and I think animation, horror and/or zombie fans will enjoy it too.

Battleship (2012)

People have no imaginations anymore

[8/10 · 15 September 2012]

No, I'm not talking about the writers, I'm talking about the reviewers on this site.

This movie was fun to watch, has an exciting run all the way through, and great effects. The plot is fairly simple (it's an alien invasion movie, what do you expect?) but the production values are first rate and the script is fine.

No one would expect a movie based on a board game, especially not "Battle Ship", but here we have it. If it was a movie about WWII it may have been good as well, but they decided to make it a scifi. That's fine with me as I'm a big scifi fan.

So, the aliens land in the ocean, but their communications ship hits a satellite and crashes. Four other ships survive but have no way to "call home". They try to take over a communications facility that was used to contact them at the beginning of the movie.

Three guided missile cruisers get stuck behind a barrier created by the aliens, and it's up to them to fix things. Eventually they are all destroyed, but one crew survives and since the movie is called Battleship, they need to find one to take the aliens out.

Sure, this movie is not feasible, but it IS a good movie. 90% of science fiction movies have holes in their plots and stories, but you ignore them because you're into the movie. This is no different. Anyone who liked movies such as Independence Day should also enjoy this movie.

I bought it on blu-ray and I've watched it twice already. I know several people who saw this in the theater (including one fellow's grandmother) and to a person they all said they liked it.

Pay no attention to the movie snobs. If you're looking for a good exciting scifi romp, this movie fits the bill.

Devil May Cry: The Animated Series (2007)

Pretty good for Anime

[7/10 · 15 September 2012]

I just read a review from an Uber fanboy. Man, those people shouldn't be allowed to do reviews.

I am a fan of anime, but not a nutjob about it as some people are. Apparently there were a series of DMC video games. I never played any of them. I didn't collect the dolls (oh, sorry, "action figures"), nor any of the other crud they try and make money from.

I picked up the DMS compete animated series on Blu-ray. It's smarter than most anime series. It doesn't preach as some anime does. The action is pretty cool, and the voice actors do a pretty good job. This is a type of "demon hunter" story, although a little different than most.

This is not a 10 out of 10 as the fanboy would have us believe. I give it a solid 7. I enjoyed watching it and would recommend it to other fans of animation.

Season of the Witch (2011)

Great movie. Better than expected.

[7/10 · 17 July 2012]

I can't believe the crappy score this movie has received. When I bought it I had no idea what to expect. I had never heard of it before and only new Ron Perman was in it.

That didn't prove anything as Ron has been in some stinkers (such as The Scorpian King 3).

Well, this movie turned out to be a real gem. The acting is first rate, the direction is great, the script is well done and the effects realistic. I loved he story and, although I have seen a "B" movie with a similar plot lately, it really can't touch this movie for quality.

This movie is about a couple of crusaders who tire of the slaughter of the crusades. They go awol and head back home, but on the way are forced into a side trip when they pass through a town and are recognized. The town and surrounding area have been cursed by a witch, and are festering in disease and rot. The local cardinal, on his deathbed from disease, forces the two main characters to go on a quest to deliver the witch to a monastery that can deal with her.

This is an excellent movie, easily worth a rental. I have the blue-ray and I'm watching it for the third time right now.

Alien Armageddon (2011)

Just awful

[1/10 · 19 June 2012]

I was looking around a big box store for something I had never seen. When I find one, I usually look it up on IMDb to make sure it doesn't suck, but in this case the movie was so cheap ($3) that I didn't care. I just wanted something to watch.

From the cover (Yeah, I know what they say about books, and I guess the same goes for movies) it sounded like it might be an interesting story. It sounded like it was basically Cowboys vs Aliens. Unfortunately, it wasn't. It was one cowboy and a bunch of others, it was a very bad script, and very bad actors, and a sucky story.

I sat there and watched the entire thing. It wasn't even so bad it was good, it just plain sucked. Mostly boring. I can give them a break here since at least it was a different story. In this movie Aliens have taken over and are keeping humans in cells. They have turned women into birthing machines, giving birth to some kind of genetically engineered meat that is fed to the other prisoners. The meat causes the prisoners to change over time, making them into a kind of vessel to house the aliens.

It really sounds more interesting than the producers manage to make it. The script and acting, not to mention the direction, really turn this into not only a "B" movie, but one I wouldn't recommend to anyone. If you see this at a garage sale for 25 cents, save your money (unless you're in need of a spare DVD case, then talk them down to a nickle and throw the DVD away).

The Secret World of Arrietty (2010)

Ghibli does it again.

[8/10 · 19 June 2012]

I have never been a big Ghibli fan. I didn't discover their work until I was in my 40s.

The first movie I found was Princess Mononoke (by Hayao Miyazaki), which was a great movie, very under rated in North America.

This is when I started actively looking for more work from Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli.

I found Howl's Moving Castle and loved it, then Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, and I loved it too. I was really starting to get high on these movies, and picked up Spirited Away. That is still my favorite Ghibli movie.

I also picked up Kiki's Delivery Service, which I thought was great but has a rushed ending. It's still good though. Then came Ponyo, which was very cute but just didn't seem to do it for me. Again the ending seemed a little rushed to me. I picked up Laputa, Castle in the Sky and loved it too. I grabbed Tails from Earthsea and thought it was very well done, with a very interesting story. Before Arrietty I picked up My Neighbor Totoro, and again I thought it was very rushed with not really much of a story between the beginning and the end.

The Secret World of Arrietty has an interesting story, and some real emotion to it. I enjoyed the movie as much as any of the others, but found that I would like to have seen how things turn out for the two main characters. Unfortunately, we never know if Shawn lives on, or how Arrietty and her family make out in their new home. We also never find out if Arrietty and Spiller get together. From the movie it looks like Spiller is interested, but it's hard to gauge if Arietty is or not. He seems a little primitive, so it's hard to say if he would appeal to the little heroine.

All in all a great family movie, and as I'm now 50 I'm too old to be embarrassed by liking Ghibli movies.

Iron Sky (2012)

Great movie - lots of fun

[8/10 · 11 June 2012]

Loved this movie. I had read about its development and although I wasn't too sure what to expect, it was a lot better than I thought it would be.

The story is actually fairly believable. Nazis have colonized the moon, on the far side. They're using really old looking tech that is somewhat advanced for it's type. It reminds me of the steam punk anime and comics.

As a moon landing is underway by Americans, they find the Nazi colony. One of the astronauts is killed, while the other, a black fellow, is dragged through all sorts if funny and strange adventures with the Nazis (including being turned into an Arian himself).

At one point there are two Nazi troupers standing on the roof of a building, looking at a dirty magazine: "Look there is no hair here, or there. They look like little girls. And when there is some hair, it looks like our Fuhrers mustache".

This is a very funny movie, with passable effects (in fact better than a lot of bigger budget movies I've seen).

It does get a little silly at the end, but I'm not going to spoil it for you. There are a lot of laughs in this flick, and you'll kick yourself if you don't see it.

Hysteria (2011)

Dumb

[3/10 · 11 June 2012]

The acting and production values in this movie are good, and there are a few laugh here and there. If you enjoy watching a movie about the rather stupid ideas of Victorian times and vibrators, then this is the movie for you.

All I can say is thank god I didn't purchase this movie and that I stopped watching it about half way through. Boring is the operative word here.

I wouldn't even spend the time to download this movie for free. Dumb, stupid and boring.

"We all know that the female organ cannot feel any pleasure without the insertion of the male organ". Were doctors ever really that stupid? They couldn't read literature from other parts of the world? Classic "Brits are superior to everyone else and therefore what we say is true and whatever any other cultures says must be false".

Do yourself a favor and skip it.

Monsters (2010)

If boring is your cup of tea, then this is an awesome movie

[3/10 · 8 April 2012]

Lol, one guy said that if you don't like this movie than you don't really know what science fiction is all about. Well, in 90% of cases Scifi is not about boring. And please, don't compare this movie to District 9. They're nothing alike, AT ALL.

All throughout this movie I was waiting for something to actually happen, but nothing really did.

A photographer is on assignment in central America (Mexico). The really stupid looking alien life forms are wondering around all over the place. Apparently they grew from some samples brought back to Earth. They're not intelligent, but just animals. I couldn't believe how stupid they were. They look exactly like giant octopi, only they're phosphorescent. Apparently they come with their own anti aircraft missiles or something as during a river trip on a boat we see a jet fighter float to the surface of the river, then it's grabbed by something under the river and pulled back down again Anyway, we only see them a couple of times. The entire movie is about this photographer trying to make his way north with his boss's daughter. Of course, eventually they fall for each other (who couldn't see that coming). They work their way up north, meeting people as they go. Some Mexicans help them for money. They're small group is attacked, but you don't see much of the aliens. They make their way North only to find that the "invasion" has passed a giant wall set up by the U.S. and basically they're everywhere now. Two stars smooch and the movie is over.

Bad bad bad, boring boring boring. Skip it. If you're a chick looking for a chickflick, you might like this. If you're a guy, and your old lady drags you to this movie or brings it home....I'm sorry. Maybe if you fake being sick she'll let you go.

This movie had promise. Unfortunately they chose boring. The script isn't bad, and the story not too bad but they concentrate on character development to the exclusion of basically everything else.

Sorry, I can get character development in drama movies. When I watch a scifi movie I want something to take me away to other worlds, not a movie that's boring all the way through (other than 5-10 minutes) and is actually a "relationship chickflick" in disguise.

I don't know how any author could claim those stupid looking aliens could support themselves in our gravity on those skinny little leg/tentacle things.

They seemed to have missed the "science" half of science fiction.

In short, if you like good scifi just skip this movie. I'd rather watch Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. At least it's honest about how bad it is.

Immortals (2011)

loved every minute of it

[8/10 · 16 March 2012]

Great movie. I knew it would be good from the previews. Some people were expecting a documentary of Greek mythology or something. Dumb people actually go to see Hollywood movies and think they are going to accurately portray the subject matter. I have to ask these people what planet they are from. We all know that Hollywood makes their own stories these days. Look how they raped Star Trek in the last movie. Even so, it was a good stand alone movie even if it did give it to canon from behind. This movie is based on Greek mythology. Rather loosely at that. Even so, as with the last Star Trek movie it really makes a great stand alone movie. The budget was high enough for sets and effects to allow the suspension of disbelief, the actors were all top notch. Some people have complained about the script, but I really have to disagree. I found it fine. At no time was i groaning because a poor script ruined the movie. Some people were expecting another 300. What morons. This movie stands on its own as a great movie and doesn't need any false comparisons to 300. If you enjoy fantasy movies loosely based on history then by all means see this one. You won't want to miss it.

Galaxina (1980)

Loved every minute of it

[7/10 · 13 March 2012]

This is a scifi spoof like no other.

I have seen this movie several times and every time it gets funnier.

Avery Schreiber is hilarious as Capt. Cornelius Butt, in charge of a Police Space Cruiser. This is Schreiber at his best, very funny guy. The police ship is sent on a mission that will require years of hibernation, so they get shore leave before they go. I can still hear them singing, as they march in unison down the corridor of their ship: "Porno, porno, porno lets go! Hail forth and ho hail ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho Porno porno porno lets go!...." During their flight, the captain's hibernation gets turned off by a creature that was hatched ala "Alien" when he ate an unusual egg earlier. The little creature thinks he's it's mother. When the ship arrives, the captain has so much hair he can't see where he's going, and he's aged so much he can barely walk.

The mission is to find "The Blue Star". After anyone says its name (The Blue Star), there's a chorus of angels. When they get to the planet, they find that the Blue Star (ah aaaah!) has been taken by a gang of bikers who worship their lord and master Harley David Son (vroom, vroom)an old chopper they all pray to. We also find out that Galaxina has changed herself so she can be physical with the crew member who fell for her. As their making out, he's suddenly sad. She asks why, and he says "well, we can't, you know..." to which she replies "They have it in the catalogue".

There are many classic moments in this movie, like the Human Restaurant that serves ...what else? Humans. They have "Lady Fingers" on the menu, and they're really lady's fingers.

The people who gave this a really bad score just don't get it. Which is OK. It's a comedy/spoof. Take it for what it is and enjoy.

If you you're not a big scifi fan, and don't like camp, then skip it.

Labyrinth (1986)

A little lethargic

[4/10 · 18 February 2012]

I saw this in the theater when I was young and have seen it three to four times since. The first time I liked seeing it as it was different and I like Bowie. Hover since then I find the singing was not done very well, Bowie was very lethargic and too laid back and his acting skills a little suspect. Overall the story was a little boring, or at least presented that way.

I know people are supposed to love babies, but personally I found all the crying enough to make me ask for a Goblin King to come take ME away. I found this part of the story a little silly, but then most of the movie was. It would have been a lot better without the singing.

Personally, I find I much prefer The Dark Crystal over Labyrinth.

The Scorpion King 3: Battle for Redemption (2012 Video)

p.u.

[2/10 · 18 February 2012]

I can watch some pretty bad movies and even like some. I am able to suspend my disbelief a little better than most so I think I am a little more forgiving.

I cannot forgive anyone involved with this production for actually making this movie. There are a couple of decent actors, but even they cannot save this pile of donkey droppings. The script is so bad I can almost see the actors cringing as they say the lines. I got the blu-ray, and I watched the cut scenes too. Wow, no wonder they were cut. They sucked even worse than the movie does.

I swear the script was written by a D average high school drama major who flunked out.

The director didn't do that much better, although given the script it's hard to imagine anyone actually being able to inspire the actors.

If you saw the first Scorpion King movie (which was pretty good) and watched the second, only to say "well at least if they make a third one it can't be any worse than this", and then see that Ron Perlman and Billy Zane are in the third one, so your hopes are up....don't do it. Put your wallet away, and back off slowly. No one could save this dud, not even a Super Actor.

Please, if any producers are reading this, look at the names of the director and script writers (I couldn't be bothered), and make a note. Don't ever hire these people for anything, EVER.

We all thank you.

LOL, I see I have a 0 out of 3 score on this review. Heh heh heh, that must be the director, script writer and producer.

Robotropolis (2011)

Had potential

[4/10 · 18 February 2012]

This movie was almost good. The acting was on and off, as some of the actors seemed pretty good while others should not quit their day jobs.

The robot effects were pretty good. They did not quite convince me they were really there but they came close. I have to give them points on the story. It wasn't bad and if given a bigger budget it could have been pretty decent.

Too bad about the script though. Again, one of the things that stick out most about bad movies for me is how bad the script is. I've seen some movies with pretty good actors, but the movie sucked because the script was so bad you could tell the actor didn't even want to say the lines.

So, not a bad story about robots running amok and killing everyone they come across, not bad effects (the effects company shows great promise IMO) but hit and miss acting and a poor script.

I watched it once, I doubt I'll watch it a second time.

The Thing (I) (2011)

Classic Horror

[7/10 · 18 February 2012]

Great movie. I really liked it. I saw Carpenter's version in the theater and I liked it. I've seen it several times since then and it's still good, but it's looking a little dated now.

This new prequel does a great job of explaining what happened in the Norwegian camp from the Carpenter flick, and ***Gasp*** they actually use real Norwegians! Great decision, as their acting was great and they fit the parts perfectly.

The story was what anyone who saw Carpenter's version would expect judging from Carpenter's story (anyone with a brain anyway. The effects combine animatronics and digital effects and they do an excellent job at it. Some very effective monsters result.

Overall I have to say this was a well done flick and I'll likely be watching it multiple times.

As for the naysayers, well all I can say is I'd like to see them do better.

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

Kids movie most of all

[5/10 · 4 November 2011]

I've got 4 or 5 Miyazaki movies, and I love them all. Unfortunately I did not find myself quite getting into this one. It really seems for kids, even more than his other movies. I've watched them all multiple times and will watch them again, but I think it'll be a rare night when I pull this out of the collection for a re-view. I suppose I'm happy to have seen it at least once though.

This movie doesn't really have much of a story, and if it weren't for Totoro being around, it would be pretty mundane. It picks up a little as Totoro helps the little girl find her sister and then go off to visit her mom in the hospital. If you can get them to sit still long enough, kids should love it because it still has that Miyazaki feel. It just seems like it was made a little more for kids than his other movies were.