zzapper-2 Reviews

Fisherman's Friends: One and All (2022)

This is a truly terrible film

[2/10 · 12 September 2022]

I didn't see the first movie so am at somewhat of a disadvantage but heard it was a decent enjoyable movie. The plot of the sequel is paper thin and frankly uninteresting but what makes things even worse is knowing that everyone in the cast is desperately trying to make it work... but do I care if they get a new contract or about their hokey love affairs?.. nope?

Curiously I was with 3 friends who enjoyed it well enough but I never felt so much a prisoner in a cinema.

What was excellent was the beautiful views of Cornwall and the actual singing ... BUT THERE WASN'T MUCH SINGING!!.

So why didn't they just create a lovely Cornwall travelogue with a ton of old Fisher Man's Shanties ???

A Yank in Ermine (1955)

What is the point of this Movie?

[2/10 · 18 May 2022]

They used to call these British movies 'Mid-Atlantic' as they thought they might attract American film-goers if they included a few has-been American actors. This type of movie eventually brought the UK film industry to its knees. The premise is so dull: a Yank comes to little old England with its quaint customs and people . Yawn yawn of course he gets to like it and finds true love. One awful bit is when the hero is supposedly riding a winning horse and he is so obviously in a studio set on some kind of rocking bench.

A brief cameo from Sid James. The village used is Turville Buckinghamshire and for once they used the real name of the pub the 'Bull and Butcher'

Carry on Columbus (1992)

Glad everyone disliked it

[1/10 · 16 May 2022]

Sometimes I dislike a film but then find out I'm in a minority. Every thing is very odd and stilted. What's going on is not clear. The actors faces don't seem right for a carry on. Too many characters to keep up with but at no time do you care. The pacing is odd and there are gaps in the dialogue . Actually I don't even like Jim Dale in this stinker although he's one of my favorite actors.

The Desperate Men (1958)

What movie do they show at 7am Saturday Morning

[5/10 · 24 April 2021]

I only caught the last half but it contains all the elements I seek in obscure British movies. Someone here called it a B-Movie and it is with B-actors, B-acting, B- plot. Remember it comes from a time when the bad guy/gal had to be seen to be punished anyone breaking the social norms has to shown up. A few plot holes to make it more enjoyable, e.g. The very loose tying up , the injured detective where you are never shown how he got injured, i guess the scene they filmed was too hammy even for this movie.

Oh and there was some damaged sections where the original tape had got too old. Recommended if you like all this stuff.

Tales of the Unexpected: Mr. Know-All (1988) Season 9, Episode 10

The plot Spoilers

[6/10 · 25 January 2021]

If you came to find out what it was all about and to know why the bad guy didn't get punished (the usual ending of a TotU). My understanding is: Although he was a rather loathsome seducer he didn't want to hurt the Manager of the Hotel as he had ALREADY seduced his wife 5 years ago. The maid & Manager's wife colluded on this.

1917 (2019)

Great Movie with Plot Holes

[7/10 · 30 January 2020]

OK loved the movie, but couldn't forget the incongruities.

0) Couldn't stop thinking 'Saving Private Ryan' 1) Why does an aeroplane not drop a message to the front-line troops? 2) The soldiers don't behave/speak like they would have in 1917 3) Why are just two soldiers sent? 4) I Don't believe a pilot would stab his rescuer? ( I don't know if we were meant to understand that he had gone mad with pain) 5) That German sniper was a terrible shot. 6) Surreal bits in the open countryside. British troops wandering around 7) That raging river

The best way to understand this movie is that it was based on the memories of Sam Mendes grandfather. So you have a set of different scenarios that his grandfather experienced during his war patched together into a 24 hour sequence.

Dry Rot (1956)

Just being irritating on its own is not funny

[3/10 · 29 November 2019]

Shout your lines, misunderstand everything that is said to you. Lots of cameo appearances of stock British Actors. I guess a lot of this would work better live in a theatre , Dry Rot was a long running London theatre production. But on the big screen it all seems laboured , jokes telegraphed in advance.

The Frightened City (1961)

Marvellous chance to view nascent James Bond

[9/10 · 15 November 2019]

Sean Connery still showing at times a vulnerable side also naive but all the elements are there. Lots of good performances by others. I watch a lot of old really bad British Movies but this actually a good one.

Hour of Decision (1957)

Before TV got going, British audiences just needed to get out of the rain

[3/10 · 5 November 2019]

There wasn't much else to do in 1950s England go to a movie or to the pub. The other reviews here have really said it all. But things to watch out for the street scenes, the terrible decor of the 'smart' night club, the mid-Atlantic accents with the hope of endearing the film to American audiences,ditto actual American actor, Arthur Lowe cameo.

47 Ronin (2013)

You will think you've seen it before

[4/10 · 9 January 2017]

Haven't reviewed a movie for ages but felt obliged to do so with this turkey. I came into this film with no preconceptions as I'd somehow missed hearing about it and had no negative opinion of Keanu Reeves (That's normally the best way to see a film). But right from the beginning I was plagued by the feeling I'd seen it before mainly because of all the clichés. Keanu is just awful don't know if it was his fault or the leaden script. Apparently the scenario was rewritten several times. So it ends up a little bit of everything CGI, real history, bolt-on American Hero, meandering plot, ho-hum romance. If you want to pass the time with this movie may be count the times you are reminded of other better films.

Mr. Bean's Holiday (2007)

Not for Everyone, but may become a classic

[8/10 · 28 August 2007]

This film certainly has its lovers and haters. I really didn't like his last film, the Bond spoof Johnny English, so had low expectations for this one; which always help. I laughed a lot at this one, but also got a little stressed by the painfulness of his travel related disasters. Any way I advise you stay with the film, get over the awkward bits. I'm trying to write this without spoiling it for you or over-building it, but it's more than a comedy, it's a little homage to cinema, to Jaques Tati and to France. Anyway as they say just let yourself go , and go with the film. I'll watch it again tomorrow. It's nice to see a film with practically no dialogue as well. This film doesn't push every idea to it's conclusion, I think it's part of its languid (gosh never used that word before) charm. Go see

Shrek the Third (2007)

Animation Superb, But as a Film Just terrible

[1/10 · 3 July 2007]

Admittedly I've never been a Shrek fan, and find Mike Myers less funny with each film. Anyway I had to take my son and his friends to see Shrek and hoped that because I expected so little, I might end up enjoying it. The technical animation is the best I've ever seen, and never tiring to the eyes like Toy Story 2.As to the film itself I cannot remember enjoying a film less, it's just plain dull and boring. Everything is jaundiced and cynical, including heartwarming speeches. Is that the big joke? For instance Merlin wears a tunic which is too short, which makes him look silly, which is also a joke, but it's not funny. The half-empty cinema full of young families was mostly silent. Animation 10/10 film 1/10

The Emperor's Naked Army Marches On (1987)

Quite Extraordinary

[10/10 · 9 October 2006]

I really can't think of any thing of I've seen to compare with this. This is true story of a man who just wanted to expose the needless executions of two fellow Japanese soldiers by their own side. Of all the deaths, of all the suffering in that most terrible of battles in New Guinea and forty years later he strives to expose the truth. Okuzaki is absolutely fearless of others, the police, of superiors of conventions. Absolutely marvellous. When you consider how many now a days are involved in revisionism. Incidentally an intimate view of Japan and the Japanese, going into real people's houses. Just see it don't read any more. Nobody's supposed to feel sorry for the bad guys, but the Japanese Army once all powerful really suffered in the last years, this just gives you a glimpse of that

Fear and Trembling (2003)

Pretty Frightening view of Japan

[8/10 · 4 February 2006]

One minute I was working in the UK. Then a lucrative job advert, a 30 minute interview, and a few days later I found myself in a huge office in Belgium. So I find myself in a foreign country where I know nobody at all. At least however there already some British co-workers. I still remember my bewilderment in the evenings watching all these thousands of people driving, catching buses to destinations I'd never heard of, ALL knowing where they going me; only me totally confused. But that was obviously NOTHING like the cultural shock that Amelie experienced and kept on experiencing. We just loved this film, you just felt you were there. Please more comments on it by Japanese.

The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe (1988)

What will this seem like after the Hollywood version

[10/10 · 3 January 2006]

I've watched this a zillion times with my kids, and never tired of it. But I wonder now what it will seem like after having seen the big-budget 2005 Narnia. While my kids adored the modern version, I found it lacked the charm/continuity of this the 1988 BBC version. In the modern Narnia I hated the father Xmas scene, also the initial scene of Lucy and the fawn. By the way I'd never realised there were religious undertones to TLWATW, I still think you have to look really hard. I'm writing this without having read other recent comments so look forward to see how many of you preferred the old version.

Keep looking for Narnia!

Gangs of New York (2002)

A Brilliant Mess!

[7/10 · 18 April 2005]

What must life have been like in this dynamic early New York washed over by wave after wave of immigrants? Sure each wave was looked down on, racially abused. But don't worry they would find their place in a generation or two and then start to organise against the next wave of immigrants, human nature is wonderful. Scorcese had the chance to make a new classic, but you never feel that what is going on is real (when much of it actually was of course), we spend the whole film waiting for the anti-climactic showdown. I enjoyed the film, but can see why it wasn't a box-office success (as it should have been with all those big names) and didn't win any Oscars. Too many disparate threads, too ambitious too cheesy. But as I say a quite brilliant mess!

Troy (2004)

Not Bad

[7/10 · 13 April 2005]

The Illiad is a long intricate story to say the least, so filming any epic is extremely difficult. So in the end we were pleasantly surprised by Troy. Some good battle scenes. Brad Pitt is perfect as the anti-hero superman, you really believe he is invulnerable. Some of the other casting leaves doubts, Eric Bana although acting well seems to slight to be Hector. Helen fails to convince that men would go mad for her beauty. The 10 year war is condensed into a few weeks, and towards the end of the film increasing liberties are taken with Homer's history. It would nice to have mentioned that the few escapees from Troy go on to found Rome which will one day conquer Greece.

The Magdalene Sisters (2002)

Yes that did go on!

[9/10 · 4 February 2005]

One of the interesting moments is when one of the girls is saved by her brother, but he had to wait until he was presumably 21. At that moment he had the authority to decide his OLDER sister's fate. Religion's have always had a BIG problem with female sexuality, men's sexuality could always be blamed on the women anyway. That said in poor countries unwanted pregnancies could be a financial disaster, only contraception has really allowed society to evolve. Another point is that these laundries were probably a bit of dustbin for incapable Nuns/Priests anyway, I mean not where any motivated ones would choose to end up. Nowadays women don't have to become Nuns to avoid marriage, abusive men etc. But thanks to this film for reminding us that we've only recently escaped from the "dark ages", that there are still powerful forces wanting to send us back there!!

The Ladykillers (2004)

What's wrong with this film?

[6/10 · 8 January 2005]

I'm a big fan of the original LadyKillers, I knew from IMDb that this remake hadn't made grade, but we eventually got to see it anyway. One reviewer said "It's not easy to pinpoint what's wrong". Well I know a few reasons. Tom Hanks (my favorite actor) is unconvincing (stinks?). In the original film, the robbery goes perfectly to plan, and then everything takes place in the house, which becomes more and more claustrophobic. Only Garth starts to develop as a character. They key character is supposed to be the black "Old Lady", but she is not naive enough. In the remake everything is bitty, nothing gels. There were a few really funny moments, but somehow a lack of passion and belief. Filmmakers please don't remake or sequel the classics eg Alfie/The Matrix/Star Wars.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

The one-week ice-age

[6/10 · 1 November 2004]

I didn't know till now that this film came out of the "Independence day" stable, I knew it had similar logical problems however. All in all though an inoffensive, easy to watch piece of hokum. An absolutely tedious cardboard cut-out father-son relationship problem (.. yawn!!) would be my main criticism . This film is all the same a welcome attempt to highlight "Global Warming", which worrying a few commentators here still see as a 'liberal plot'. The weather scenes were great, but we would have liked to have seen more!, more build-up etc. Even with millions dead the film contrives to have a happy ending. This film will become a junk-cult-classic with the years.

Big Fish (2003)

Brilliant slow-burner

[10/10 · 30 October 2004]

This is more a poem than a film. I haven't dared read other people's comments, because I want these comments to be mine, that means of course that I may just repeat the obvious. Is there a hint of Mark Twain story telling here? This a fairy tale in a modern setting, with an explanation of how the original fairy tales came to life? There are so many elements and levels here, but a real slow burner (which has put a lot of people off). A father-son film, my small son was cuddled on my lap when we watched this, which made it more meaningful. Of course it's a film where nothing really happens (or does it?), because it the end it's a film about the ordinariness of life and one man's attempt to escape it.If you didn't like this film , please give it another chance!

Gothika (2003)

Not good on a small screen

[27 September 2004]

This film (like many) cheats on the special effects (may be better on a big screen), with a lot of gloom, blurring and flashing, dream sequences, flashbacks, so I was often not sure what I'd seen, which rather negated the wished for scariness. My main objection to the film is however the thoroughly unpleasant crimes that are at the centre of the film, sorry I don't wish to see films about such things. A few marks for trying to be different, the heroine saves herself rather than relying on some male. There are so many special effects that nobody apart from the heroine really gets chance to develop as a character. Probably was a good film in there!!

Shrek 2 (2004)

I assumed I'd like it

[10 July 2004]

I had to take my kids to see Shrek2, and really assumed that I'd like it. I thought visually it was stunning, much better than Toy Story which rather tired my eyes. I felt the wicked fairy godmother wasn't wicked enough. There were some odd bits to Shrek2, Pinochio with ladies underwear, a giant gingerbread man, we meet various characters from the classic fairy tales, but they don't get time to develop. Isn't an ogre supposed to be strong? I just never really felt involved in the story, it felt contrived, even the oh-so subtle product placement.

For the first time ever though I thought hey these animes are better/as good as than real actors. I think I could accept a serious film with these animes.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

League of Arbitrary Events

[6/10 · 25 June 2004]

This film is an old fashioned Saturday morning matinee film, where you get the impression that they made up the "er hem" plot as they went along. Don't get me wrong, you can watch this film with no problem, the IMDB score is as usual spot on with 5.5. The heros rush off to various places, various good guys turn out to be bad guys and vice versa, you don't really care enough to wonder why. Absolutely implausible things happen. The film comes to an end , and leaves an embarrassingly obvious opening for a sequel, which no one will care about either way. What most of here are complaining about is WHAT THIS FILM COULD HAVE BEEN! Great idea wasted.

Scooby-Doo (2002)

Scooby Beats The Passion in the UK

[2 May 2004]

I had to take my kids to this, I'd rather enjoyed Scooby1 so was expecting something OK. Once again the IMDB score was spot on (currently 4.9). This was another production-line Hollywood product with all the right ingredients, Star Names, Excellent CGI, plot with twists and turns, so what exactly is wrong with it? Well I don't really know? It just seems to have no soul. Nothing is really funny. Shaggy works overtime to try and breathe life into the movie. All the other characters have to go thru tedious moments of self-doubt. Yet Scooby2 has been the number 1 film in the UK over Easter easily beating the Passion. Scooby3; yawn!!!