garthlotel Reviews

Tangerine (2015)

Plain old misogyny filmed on an iPhone

[1/10 · 28 April 2018]

Apparently, filming transgender prostitutes (who can't act) angrily traipsing around the street, threatening violence and calling women "fish" and "bitch" every two seconds, is now considered "art".

Unfortunately, it is actually just the same old tedious misogyny we've all been bombarded with since the dawn of time, with the added insult of being very poorly executed, and I'm utterly bored by it.

When are we all going to stop accepting the very basic and juvenile woman-hating crap in every second song and film? Why can barely any film maker or "artist" create something truly unique and new? Why is hardly anyone pointing out that the dialogue is downright hate speech?

I'm disgusted by the positive reviews on this pathetic, lazy, terrible, misogynistic, joke excuse for art. Created by a white male wannabe auteur. Of course! I am a white male, and I want my white male film making brethren to know that this kind of navel-gazing, tryhard "edgy" film making is pure cringe that should be burnt in a garbage fire, then pissed on. Make a genuine effort next time, you thoughtless, self indulgent POS.

Happy! (2017–2019)

Brilliant, original and funny

[9/10 · 27 April 2018]

The trailer doesn't do this great show justice. This is a very refreshing, unique, compelling and hysterical show Iike nothing I've ever seen before. Christopher Meloni is perfect in what will become known as his best role ever. The subject matter is admittedly dark and creepy, so the show might not be for everyone. But if you can handle or enjoy dark humour, you will love this original wonder of a show.

The Greatest Showman (2017)

You will love it and you'll cry

[9/10 · 25 April 2018]

I despise musicals with a passion. I only watched this because it was the best thing on my limited hotel movie menu.

I'm very glad I chose it because I spent the entire viewing time cheering, grinning, loving the songs and crying my dumb eyes out.

This film is wonderful in pretty much every way. If you are not moved to tears, you don't have a heart.

I loved it, and I'm a misanthropic goblin.

Game Over, Man! (2018)

Workaholics ageing badly

[4/10 · 20 April 2018]

I love Workaholics so I assumed I would love this movie, which is basically a long episode of the show.

But dang, this movie was terrible.

A few reasons why:

• All three leads are haggard and way too old for this crappe. It looks like they have spent 10 years in Guantanamo Bay being flattened up for slaughter.
• the jokes are flat, tired and plain unfunny
• Daniel Stern (in a career-killing turn as what appears to be a human lizard man with hepatitis and gangrene) literally has his dique cut off, and then we get to watch the severed Schlong flop off, and laying on the ground in a pool of dark dique blood.
• To make it worse, the severed penois is still fat, even though scientifically that makes no sense.
• To make everything all the more worse, his dique is cut off by an actress with such grotesquely severe plastic surgery she cannot move her face and her hairline is halfway around her skull.
• Jillian poops her pants and we get to watch her walk out of a scene with a mega log sticking out of her pants and oozing brown juice from her crack.
• the cameos suque
• ugh, everything suques

I had to turn it off before it ended. Super disappointed as I cry laughing watching Workaholics and I was really looking forward to watching this.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Great, satisfying and funny

[8/10 · 20 April 2018]

The combination of Taika's humour with the Marvel universe is brilliant.

It must be difficult to keep coming up with new ideas for this universe, and new ways for our heroes to entertain us, but this film delivers a fresh and exciting storyline and great new characters while lifting the wit to a new level.

The action is top notch, of course. And our villainess - played by Cate Blanchett, who is clearly loving every minute of her deliciously dark role - is sublime.

The ending is wonderful. The film is simply excellent. Can't wait for the next one.

Interstellar (2014)

So tired of fake positive reviews

[6/10 · 18 April 2018]

I finally watched this movie, only because it had received glowing reviews.

But after the first 15 minutes of very boring, sub-standard scenes I realised I had been duped by yet another case of fake positive reviews.

At best, this is an okay film to watch with your kids. It contains a few heartwarming messages about love and loyalty, and it tries hard to impress with astrophysics.

Unfortunately, the film completely fails to deliver any likeable characters and the science is dubious at best. It's basically an unbelievable, oddly paced, weirdly written science fantasy filled with annoying people that you won't care about because they aren't developed at all.

It's certainly not a masterpiece and it's definitely not worth recommending or seeing twice.

A Quiet Place (2018)

Don't believe the hype

[2/10 · 15 April 2018]

One of the reasons I joined imdb to review movies is because I can see that production companies these days clearly employ legions of people to post phony positive reviews in order to boost ticket sales.

This film is not a masterpiece, nor is it an edge of your seat thriller.

If you have actually seen it, you will know it is a great idea that has been executed quite poorly, and not nearly enough thought has gone into writing this.

The plot holes are bigger than the Grand Canyon. The choices that the generic, white, boring and irritating characters make are so annoyingly stupid that you will stop caring whether they live or die. The premise is ridiculous. The aliens and their flaws are beyond belief. In other words, you need to be really stupid to enjoy this movie. But most people aren't stupid and we know what constitutes a great movie.

This is not worth paying to see in a theatre. You will be disappointed. Please save your time and money and wait for when it's on Netflix.

Seth Rogen's Hilarity for Charity (2018 TV Special)

Cringefest for charity

[2/10 · 14 April 2018]

Seth and his desperately unfunny 'comedian' pals need to get some self awareness, stat. This is embarrassing, pathetic and staler than three year old bread. I didn't laugh once. Seth & co: next time, please don't cobble together a terrible 'show' - just donate the money yourself and spare us all the disappointment.

Animal Kingdom (2016–2022)

A tacky knockoff of a great film

[2/10 · 25 March 2018]

If you have seen the movie, you will have no doubt appreciated its subtle and stark brilliance - the true to life characters, fine acting, the taut pacing, the relentless tension and the fact that every scene was meaningful.

This Americanised and homogenised tv spin-off is nothing short of a travesty. It is clear the creators knew the film was a hit, but they didn't know exactly why. They have copied the context (crime family) of the film but failed to recreate the tone, the perfect characters, the important little snippets of dialogue and the nuanced screenplay. What has resulted is a really empty, lame show about a disgusting family of tryhard party boy white crims in LA. Blah.

Think up something original for once, you talentless Hollywood hacks. Stop Americanising great shows from overseas and turning them into cheap pulp. You ruin everything you appropriate. Take some LSD and come up with a new idea because the rest of the world is sick of seeing our original ideas ruined by your gross corporate show factory.

Wonder Woman (2017)

Really clever introduction to a great new heroine

[10/10 · 23 March 2018]

Welcome, Wonder Woman! I'm so glad we finally have a fantastic role model and a strong, fearless female superhero for little girls to look up to. Wonder Woman is the ultimate goddess heroine that we have all been waiting for.

As for the movie, I was pleasantly surprised by the clever way she was introduced to humanity via immersion in the First World War. It's actually brilliant to see her in the trenches and on the battlefields. The visuals and juxtapositions are second to none. The storyline is genius and I loved every minute. I was sad when it ended and I really hope there's a sequel.

It was not completely perfect - Chris Pine was underwhelming, as were our two villains. But the Amazons and Gal Gadot were perfection. I just wish we had seen more of the Amazons throughout the film.

I honestly can't understand how anyone would think this movie is less than wonderful. The negative reviews must be from Marvel bots or man babies who hate women. It's literally the only explanation for hating this movie.

The Handmaid's Tale (2017–2025)

Great idea, poor casting

[3/10 · 22 March 2018]

This show had great potential! There is so much good stuff to work with here.

But the casting is just .... off, which pretty much ruins it. Honestly, it would be so much better if the actress who plays Ofglen (Alexis Bledel) played Offred. Or if the gorgeous Yvonne Strahovski played Offred and switched places with Elisabeth Moss, who would in turn play the bitter, barren wife.

As others have noted, her casting as our protagonist looks and feels completely wrong. I like Elisabeth Moss but she is terrible and downright annoying in this role and her story arc more than beggars belief.

I really hate to be the guy who points out that a female actress is too fugly to play a role, but in this instance we need an actress who can convince us she would be irresistibly alluring to two men in one household.

Tomb Raider (2018)

Yawn Raider

[1/10 · 21 March 2018]

The game is way more engaging and fun than this slow, mediocre movie. What a disappointment. It is not a terrible film, it's just not good.

There is a lot of moving and running instead of quality action, the plot has a thousand holes and weak spots, and the storyline is a cringeworthy cliche. Add to that really basic and brainless dialogue and you have yourself a tacky transparent grab at corporate cash, which should flop. I really hope they don't make a sequel.

Vikander is also woefully miscast. She is nowhere near as interesting or exciting as Jolie (or even the game avatar). To be completely frank, she is too small, weak and dull to be convincing. Lara Croft is supposed to be a strong, fun and camp character, but Vikander's performance is whiny, annoying and rather boring.

Give it a miss and just play the game instead. Or watch Jolie's films, which aren't that old and are way more fun to watch.

Death Wish (2018)

Willis still has it

[8/10 · 2 March 2018]

It's so good to see Big Bad Bruce Willis back in his element. This movie is just so satisfying, and it has all the fixings you want from an action thriller. It's not perfect but it's a really enjoyable watch. Welcome back, Willis.

The Help (2011)

White saviour syndrome in all its ugly glory

[2/10 · 2 March 2018]

Another film where white people are praised for finding a shred of decency within themselves, and helping the poor black people they should never have been oppressing in the first place. Surely I can't be the only person who finds this overdone storyline super offensive.

Gangster Squad (2013)

Penn is laughable

[4/10 · 2 March 2018]

The opening scene is so so bad, just pure cringe. Penn's acting is aiming for Pacino or Brando, but lands on a one dimensional baddie from Space Jam (or something of that ilk). The rest of the actors are the usual suspects from the underwhelming new breed of A listers (Stone, Gosling) who always seem to me like they are playing dress ups and impersonating their parents. Stone is lovely in B grade comedies but she doesn't have the acting chops for the bigger roles and bigger movies she keeps getting cast in. Gosling is a star, for sure, but he should stick to beefcake roles. As for the film, it misses the mark and is not worth the price of admission.

Game Night (I) (2018)

Bateman and McAdams are great!

[9/10 · 2 March 2018]

The two leads are two of my favourite actors and it's great to see them in a comedy together. Rachel McAdams has an adorably gorgeous and always enjoyable screen presence and surprisingly perfect comic timing - side note: she is woefully under-represented in films today and I'd love to see her in a starring solo vehicle. Bateman is his usual straight-man role, a role that nobody does better, and frankly I hope he never deviates! The film is also a lot funnier than the trailer shows - it is a wildly funny, thrilling, action packed adventure film that will leave you wanting to watch it again.

Battle of the Sexes (2017)

Satisfying enough

[7/10 · 2 March 2018]

You know the plot before you watch it, but the great true story is enough to make this watchable. Stone does her best Billie King impression but fails to pack any kind of punch in the role. Steve Carell on the other hand is simply perfect and makes the film worth seeing.

Aloha (I) (2015)

Charmless

[4/10 · 2 March 2018]

This movie doesn't know what it is. It's not particularly interesting or funny, nor do you care about either of Cooper's relationships. Speaking of Cooper, he is simply not leading man material. I realise there is a dearth of quality leading men in Hollywood today but why does a bird faced, cold-eyed, soulless cardboard actor like Cooper have to be cast in everything? Emma Stone doesn't have what it takes to play a convincing temptation, and the always stunning Rachel McAdams is wasted in a small role.

Mother! (2017)

We get the allegory, it's just awful

[1/10 · 1 March 2018]

Rolling my eyes at all the positive reviewers who are imagining they somehow see more than the rest of us. You would have to be a long gone brain dead zombie to not see the religious and environmental messages that are soaked throughout every scene. We get it, it's just not that clever. Or in any way good. It is possibly the worst, most insulting film that was ever made - and I've seen some doozies. J-Law also cements her position as the most over rated actress of all time, thanks to her atrocious performance in this farce.

Annihilation (I) (2018)

WHOA. Unexpectedly awesome.

[10/10 · 1 March 2018]

Predator meets Alien meets Stephen King meets really clever sci-fi. This is like all the best movies rolled into something amazingly original, fresh and new. It is genuinely scary, thrilling, mind-blowing stuff with fantastic performances from a stellar cast. Jennifer Jason Leigh is always captivating with her trademark understated / riveting tension and innate darkness. I loved seeing her in this. And Portman is the perfect heroic lead.

Deadpool (2016)

Okay, if you don't mind trash

[5/10 · 1 March 2018]

Some of the jokes are funny but I was mostly irritated by Ryan Reynolds and the general puerile nature of this film. A passable two hours but the film makers need to try harder to produce a decent, well-rounded movie experience next time.

Prisoners (2013)

Hugh Jackman take a bow

[9/10 · 1 March 2018]

Wow, this movie was so much better than I anticipated. Hugh Jackman showcases a really diverse range of talent in this film - there is no dancing, singing, period costumes or mutations, just raw emotion. And he delivers a really powerful performance that will leave you reeling. The story is a very compelling mystery thriller and well worth your time to check it out. I would watch it again.

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Hell to the YES

[10/10 · 1 March 2018]

Damn, this movie is fantastic. It delivers everything you could hope for in an action movie - an awesome heroine, thrills, laughs, mind blowing action sequences and a compelling storyline. Add to this the fact that Theron is a supremely talented, timelessly beautiful, magnetic, sexy, athletic marvel of a lead actress and you have a winning film. Atomic Blonde is so, so satisfying to watch. It's also original, surprising, refreshing and delightful. I can only hope there's a sequel. In the meantime, I'll be watching it again.

High Fidelity (2000)

Walking on Sunshine

[8/10 · 1 March 2018]

This film is worth watching for Jack Black alone. But it's also a refreshingly real, funny and honest look at the modern man and relationships.

First Blood (1982)

Stallone's Greatest Triumph

[10/10 · 1 March 2018]

So much more than just a great action film, First Blood has everything. A sympathetic hero, a chilling yet relatable villain, a stunning backdrop and a moving story. First Blood is a slow-burning, thrilling, inventive, deeply thought provoking, action-packed commentary on the way we treat war veterans. John Rambo is also possibly the greatest action hero ever created and Stallone's acting is .... simply perfect. The incredible, emotional scene towards the end was a sublime and moving performance that I didn't know Sly was capable of. One of the most satisfying films you will ever watch.