Crackhouse2 Reviews

The Machine (I) (2023)

Did I ever tell you about the time....

[8/10 · 9 July 2023]

I think if you're a fan of Bert, you'll be a fan of this. Most will know the story from his stand up but something about his boyish charm just shines through. They've managed to capture a sort of coming of age story with the never ending kidulthood that represents Bert so well

Nothing pretentious about the film at all, it is a straight up actual comedy. It doesnt take itself too serious, Mark Hamill's casting is superb. The whole thing is just really good fun.

If you watch films to peel onions, this won't be for you, but if you want to see funny people do funny things, I'd say you won't go wrong with this one. Nice going Bert!

Here Comes the Boom (2012)

Finally getting somewhere

[8/10 · 20 January 2013]

Its great to finally see Kevin James fit in the big screen as he did on the small screen. I loved his brand of comedy on The King of Queens and its good to see after a couple of attempts that they've started putting him in the same light on the big screen.

The film is exactly what you want from a Kevin James film, inspiring the uninspired and trying your best to overcome whatever woes are in front of you. Plot wise there's nothing new, but this is just representative of the industry and not the film; its a good, uplifting fun film for everyone to enjoy. This is definitely worth a watch and hope to see Kevin James go from strength to strength.

The Ruins (2008)

Finally after skipping a decade or two they start to put a story into a horror film

[9/10 · 30 November 2011]

I'm a big horror enthusiast and I'm unsure whether because of this I've exhausted all good horror films and have been left with the banal and ludicrous to pick from when searching for a new horror film to watch. I stumbled across this and have to say I was greatly rewarded.

I found the film engaging and when the film was beginning, you immediately can identify and empathise with each of the protagonists.The build up was perfect, based around frustration, misunderstanding and confusion. It builds swiftly at a great pace which reveals only what it wants when it wants and some great psychological twists to boot.

This is a creative, straight horror film. Based around an actual story with a driven plot and outcome. If you miss the creativity from horror films this film is definitely for you. If like a lot of horror enthusiasts you are looking for torture porn, then this might not be your cup of tea.

Great Plot, Great Acting, Great Film

They Live (1988)

Clever plot, great pace, right amount of 80s cheese!

[9/10 · 30 November 2011]

I randomly watched this film with very few expectations and I have to say I was more than impressed! I'd never seen "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in a film before and I really thought he did a great job, on par with Schwarzenegger in that era.

The whole concept of the film was intriguing and extremely well delivered and the script was a fabulous eighties script with frequent action oriented punchlines. The story offers curiosity at the start, then as soon as you've caught the scent, the pace picks up and you are swiftly bounced through towards the end at a satisfying pace which gives you enough time to soak up key parts of the story but not enough time for it to go stagnant.

If you're a fan of eighties action films and even pure science fiction films then I would highly recommend this as it delivers on so many levels.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

No better, no worse

[5/10 · 28 November 2011]

Welllllll, the Human Centipede? If you watch this expecting to be any more enlightened to why this film was thought up and subsequently made, you won't be. I watched it, the film itself was shot pretty well in large, however I got to the end of the film and feel nothing but indifference for the whole film if i'm honest. On a lot of levels it is a good horror film, it has moments which generally send a chill down your spine, it has a lot of psychological undertones in places which I really thought added to how creepy this film is; but the notion of sewing mouths to bums is a tad farcical and even with the premise the film is built upon, its hard to take it seriously, which then leaves you watching it like Scary Movie or Dr Giggles, with more of a tongue-in-cheek slant on the film, which is a shame really because a lot of the film is really well presented and does get under your skin on lots of levels.

I purely think the fairest review i could make on this film was to sincerely express my confusion and how I watched it and it just left me as I started it, no better off but no worse off either. If you like horror films and have 90 minutes on your hands and have seen every other horror film you can think of at that point in time, then watch it. Just don't expect to walk away with anything.

The Thing (I) (2011)

An above par standalone film, a patchy prequel

[8/10 · 24 November 2011]

**May contain spoiler** I'll start by saying i really enjoyed this prequel, i am a fan of prequels and in some stories it can offer unique back stories. I can't help but agree with one of the other reviews i read saying that some things just didn't tie in quite as well as it could have. The prime reason behind this was the original started with 2 Norwegians chasing the dog in a chopper. Immediately you notice in the film that there is only one chopper which gets destroyed, only one person who spoke only Norwegian, seeing as the confusion encountered at the start of the original seeing as no one else spoke Norwegian and couldn't reason with them as they didn't understand English; this was compounded as only the American woman survived, they then tried to get around this by playing a chopper sound over the credits, who is flying? if they're new on the ground how do they grasp the gravity of how this thing complete replicates its victim? how do they know the dog has been replicated if it hasn't shown itself? Despite all this, the film stands well on its own and even throughout, you do feel it feeds into the plot of the first quite well, just some gaps. It is very much a typical American rethinking in a lot of respects. None of the suspense was as prolonged as in the John Carpenter original but still with that in mind, i wouldn't say this was a travesty that all Carpenter fans should avoid. Give it a watch, if you enjoyed the first, this won't disappoint you

Splinter (I) (2008)

not bad for the money

[8/10 · 15 November 2008]

I didn't have a clue what this film was about when i first watched it, from all the miscommunication off friends, i thought it was about shredder's nemesis going around peeved off with everything. As i started watching though, i quickly realised it wasn't. I was pleased with the film overall, it wasn't anything extremely original or groundbreaking, but it kept the narrative going in a good way. Too many people churn out bad renditions of similar plots, it was pretty refreshing to see that same sort of plot delivered with a bit of conviction. I'd recommend this to any horror fan, especially a horror fan who is a tad fed up with mundane regurgitation.

Righteous Kill (2008)

High Expectations

[8/10 · 6 October 2008]

Where to start....this film has probably been waiting to happen for a couple of decades, not the plot itself, but the uniting of these two great actors in a closely linked script. Don't get me wrong, Heat was a great film, but they were on separate tangents which happened to cross mid-film. In Righteous Kill, you've got these actors locked in, playing off each other throughout and I think it's quite easy to overlook and take for granted how refined their performances really are. One some levels I agree with another post from joanwweiiiii, in how the acting was great but the script fell short, but in another sense, I think it would be hard to find a script which could harbour these two incredible actors talent. The film in itself is a damn good film, with a good plot line, the acting throughout (even Fiddy Cents) is damn good throughout and thats an understatement. The only thing I can suggest to someone before watching this film is, don't watch it with your own expectations of what you think a film with Pacino and Deniro should be like, watch it and appreciate it for what it is, a film with Pacino and Deniro in. To paraphrase this waffle....Good film, Great Acting,Worth a watch, Worth Buying on release.

Teeth (I) (2007)

How come teeth is pants?

[2/10 · 5 May 2008]

Firstly, the opening scene where the two kids are in a paddling pool and the little boy cuts his finger, you had no idea that the little girls privates had anything to do with it. Then some years later the plot slowly moves towards the fact that evolution has made her this way as some form of natural defence from predators. Needless to say, after some irrelevant mind numbing minutes of soft plot about chastity and purity....oh and don't forget the mild explanation using the rattle snake as a model in evolution...then something happens. Her goody goody two shoes, chaste love interest turns nasty and tries to have his way with her in a cave. Needless to say, it's not her Colgate smile that fends him off, it's the other set that lop off his little fella, with a graphic depiction of it as well. Anyways, i'm a fan of the genre and i like nothing more than a slowly building plot which gives you chance to connect with the characters, but i didn't care less about anyone in this film, quite the opposite and the plot itself was a bit too farcical anyways, interesting idea, evolution develops carnivorous vulva, but on the whole the plot and characters were delivered in such a way that i couldn't give a rats... anyways, i don't recommend it and on your head be it if you watch it. I only gave it 2 stars because there must be something out there worse than this, but having just wasted X amount of minutes i'm a touch disgruntled as i can't ever get them back.

Best of the Best (1989)

Best of the Best of the Eighties

[8/10 · 5 May 2008]

To be honest, I wasn't expecting much when i started to watch this. Having seen other such films from this era and genre I didn't have high expectations. However, after the first few minutes even, you feel yourself starting to connect with the characters and occasionally throughout you have a strange compulsion to throw your fist into the air. All that aside, just like this era and genre dictate, you've got the ever popular montage training scenes as well as the rudimentary bar fight with disgruntled locals flying throughout. Going back to fists being thrown into the air, by the end of the film you almost feel like your fighting and training with the team and you want nothing more than to see them win. All in all, i thoroughly enjoyed this film and would recommend it to anyone. Top notch.

The Bank Job (2008)

Loots of fun

[7/10 · 14 April 2008]

Not a bad film on the whole. There was a hell of a lot of premise to this one, not entirely sure it was worth all of it, or at least not in the way it was sold in particular. This was a quality British heist movie, not just a bunch silver foxes forgetting to cash their pensions and robbing casinos instead. This film is structured around a true story, where fact runs true and fiction begins i'm not sure, but with a bit of creative writing they've managed to put together a plot full of characters you can empathise with, with side plots you actually care about and still have a bit of the true British beating from Statham lobbing bricks at bonces. Its kind of Lock Stock crossed with the Italian Job. Worth a watch, not sure if it's worth two, but i'll see in a few months.

The Eye (2008)

Had to take my eye off it

[1/10 · 13 April 2008]

To be quite honest, with this trend of Japanese horror films being given the western re-rub you can't help but feel they're just being used as premade films for Hollywood to churn out with the current hottie of the hour at the ship's helm. The Grudge wasn't too bad, still a bit eery, same goes with The Ring, but all this does is sets itself up for a barrage of Scary Movie 5 jokes. From the get go it didn't really appeal to me, I think the commercial psyched me out more and not even that was that effective. More often than not, if not always, the translation is never half the film the original was. Before they're remade the Japanese aren't afraid to have that little bit more dialogue to get a little more tension, whereas here they just cut to the chase before you even realise the scene has been set. Anyways, enough of my opinion on Hollywood and these remakes, on the whole, couldn't watch it to the end, bored me stiff, watch something which might actually scare you like Pet Cemetery or 1408, but i don't recommend you watch this suitable for kids nonsense.

Witchboard (1986)

Break through the Hairspray and the tube socks

[9/10 · 13 April 2008]

Just before writing this I was reading another review by Bfan, much like him I watched this film when i was like 10 or 11. I hadn't seen it since then until i manged to get a copy the other day. As far as this genre goes, to all true fans, it's a horror film to high standards. I don't mean through CGI or some buxom blonde morphing into a vampire or anything of the sort, I mean in the way it relies on peoples own superstition to send a chill up their spine. In theory it's quite easy to do, but more often than not it's sold short for shock value or some sort of gimmickry. This however is overloading with subtleties which make the film so great, like the simple things like a Ouija board going haywire. It's not like it takes a lot to do, the people are already holding onto it so no animatronics needed. And the music, just hearing the opening credits after so long sets a feeling of trepidation, which in turn for me fills me with glee. This has to be one of the best things to come out of the eighties since Rick Astley. Just joking...on Rick Astley i mean. This is truly a great film and any fan of the genre, any true fan of the genre will love it. Trying to find a copy of the sequel ASAP, should've tried to buy a box set or something. Buy it, Rent it, just do what you gotta do to watch it. Top Notch

Vacancy (2007)

They check in....

[8/10 · 12 April 2008]

I started watching this film not knowing anything about it, a friend lent me his copy merely saying i'd enjoy it. He must be a good friend because i really did enjoy it. It starts by setting the context surrounding around the two main characters David & Samantha Fox, a divorcing couple who seem to loathe each other's company from the outset. After making the typical mistake they all do in these style films and not staying on the inter-state, they wind up in some backwater area of middle America. Luckily though they get some help from a stranger and they're sent back on their way. Unlucky for them their lovely BMW encounters some engine trouble and they have to high tail it to a nearby motel, where they enter the reception to the sounds of shrill screams coming from the office, from which i quirky little man emerges to greet them. Needless to say he pauses his light entertainment and offers them a room. They inevitably retire to their room where a series of strange bumps and bangs sets them on edge. Meanwhile, David Fox starts watching one of the motel's videos. Amidst all the violence inset he slowly realise he is actually in the set and it appears they've been doing this for some time down to some of the 70's hairstyles of the victims on the videos. With alarm bells ringing they realise they have to find a way out of this death trap. Anyways, the plot develops and you start to feel more for the couple who seem to slowly rekindle their love for each other. There's a few twists and turns and compounding of stereotypes, like the trucker who at one point could be there salvation, but no, he's one of those dissociative deviants who gets off on other people's misery,for Pete's sake, there must be one normal trucker in America. All that aside, this film makes great viewing and i'd recommend it to anyone who is a fan of the genre. Just be careful what motels you may check into in the future.

P2 (2007)

pretty good

[7/10 · 11 April 2008]

As far as suspense horror films work it's pretty good. The opening sets the tone of the film straight from the outset. Then after the opening it returns to some sort of normality, but with that horrible state of trepidation looming. I like how Wes Bentley's character forms from the get go, a role which he is perfectly suited for, with most of the fear coming straight from his scornful eyes. Rachel Nichols' plays a convincing victim/heroin who you sympathise and root for as soon as she begins her ordeal. The film uses the right amount of psychological terror balanced with in your face scare tactics. A few moments the squeamish should shy away from, but a good film for any fan of the genre. Definitely worth a watch.

Chaos (II) (2005)

Promised a little, delivered a lot

[9/10 · 11 April 2008]

I've developed a nasty habit of reading reviews on films before i watch them. Most of the reviews of this say it's an alright film but not as good as you'd expect. It may be because of these reviews i watched it with low expectations, which made it deliver a clever plot without too much critique being hung over it. The acting throughout was to the high standard you'd expect of all those involved and the directing also involved you in the plot in the way you'd like in a crime thriller. This film isn't just the run of the mill bank job movie, it's almost a contender with Spike Lee's Inside Man, almost, and you really connect with the characters involved. I'd sincerely recommend this to anyone looking for a clever plot with plenty of action.

Disturbia (2007)

Hitchcock with high-heels

[8/10 · 11 April 2008]

When i was first told about this film it was pitched at me to be a horror film and although i spent the first part of the film wondering where the horror came into it, i slowly realised where it was going. Like a lot of people have mentioned, it is a pretty good to be fair, re-vamp of Hitchcock's Rear Window. Using modern day scenarios to set the same story in motion, only based around the American Scooby gang of teens trying to solve the mystery, although it doesn't turnout to be old man Jake from the haunted amusement park. One of the best thrillers I've seen in years,with the contemporary Hollywood glitz you'd expect from a blockbuster. Up there with the heavyweights. Worth watching and even buying. Top film.

It (1990)

Sets the bar

[10/10 · 2 April 2008]

The feeling this film gave me when i first watched it as a minor, is the feeling i look to get from any horror film to date. I remember begging and pleading to my sister to let me stay up late and watch it whilst my mother was out one night. Needless to say, i was a bag of nerves for weeks. I wouldn't go in the bathroom, i sure as hell kept my arms away from drains and let's just say, if i ever were to meet Tim Curry i'd be swiftly changing direction. This film haunted me for so long and for some reason now i'm trying to regain that feeling at the age of 23, some 13 years later? If you haven't seen this tele-play of a great Stephen King novel then you should see it, or turn a blind eye while your kids watch it. Just joking, I seriously wouldn't go in the bathroom for weeks, the last trait you want from a kid.

Dead Silence (2007)

it's a puppet!!

[9/10 · 2 April 2008]

Let me start by saying..... puppets are bloody freaky, but not always scary. This film does what the Puppet Master did in the eighties to modern day standards. Baring in mind how difficult it is to make a pint-size puppet attack a fully grown human-being and to make it look feasible, they did a ruddy good job. I'm not sure if it was my inherent suspicion of puppets in general, but the film's atmosphere has you constantly on edge. With huge subtleties running throughout it makes this film catch you from all angles at any time. A film truly worthy of consuming any horror fan's time. If you haven't watched it, then watch it.

P.S. Puppets are freaky

1408 (2007)

An honour to the craft

[10/10 · 1 April 2008]

For some time now i've been searching for a horror/suspense/slasher/whatever type of film that would give me the same sort of spine tingling shudder that Stephen King's IT once gave me when i was 10 years old. Now some 13 years on i've found a film which made my spine shudder so much it almost locked. This could've been because of the setting i was watching it in, the early hours of the morning, in the dark... but it wasn't! Mikael Halfstrom eases you into this, making you question every frame suspiciously right from the start, then slowly easing your tension as it progresses until, like a roller-coaster reaching it's peak, all you've left to do, is clutch on for dear life until the end. This film is truly an honour to horror films past and present. It sets such an overpowering sense of impending terror in the most subtle of ways. If you truly love horror films, here's one to watch once... then build up the courage to watch it again. I rented this film but it will definitely be on my Christmas list this year and someone else's if they rub me up the wrong way. lol. I'm not going to describe any part of this film as you really have to watch it to appreciate it. Truly Harrowing, Truly Remarkable.