danydarko-34609 Reviews

Blade II (2002)

Powerhouse of a sequel! Easily the best of the trilogy

[10/10 · 23 June 2024]

Hello film fans and I hope you are all well. So I was 16 when the first LEGENDARY Blade film hit cinemas, and as a life long fan of action and martial arts it was like a shot of adrenaline to the veins! I saw it a total of 5 times at the cinema me and my best mate at the time couldn't get enough of it! As a life long fan also of horror and vampires tho, I felt it lacked in the horror department for a vampire movie. So when we all went to see Blade 2, our expectations were literally through the roof, especially as the trailer looked EPIC! Plus I was very excited that Donnie Yen was involved, I've loved Donnie ever since seeing 'in the line of duty 4' when I was 16, but very few people knew of him in the mainstream at that time. WOW!!! It sure does deliver and meets ALL expectations! Firstly the action, it is a grade above the first film. The martial arts has a more Asian tone making it more complex, you really have to pay attention to the moves as some of it is so quick! But it does still incorporate the free-flow and wrestling styles from the first too quite nicely. The sequel also delivers on what the first was lacking, a very dark and brooding atmosphere, this one definitely feels more like a horror film rather than an action film. There are even a few jump scares that are nicely set up. Del Torro really brings his A-game and scares you just as much as he entertains. So the elephant in the room is that Whistler is back in this one, I LOVE that he is but they butcher the explanation of it, "he shot himself, and then he turned!" That doesn't make sense tho as he used Blade's gun which has Vampire killing ammo in it so how did he survive that? Anyway, that is my ONLY gripe with this superior sequel. The story is one we've seen many times before, the 'enemy of my enemy is my friend' story, but it works well in the Blade universe. Also another thing the sequel does better is the bad guy, Deacon frost was a cool bad guy but he had to become a GOD to even fight Blade! This time around tho we have a new breed of super vampire and their leader is one serious badass that makes Deacon Frost look like a angry teenager in comparison. He even starts to beat Blade in their first fight in the movie! The soundtrack once again is great, filled more with rap titans this time rather than dance music, still has the few great dance tracks tho. Fans of Norman Redus from Walking dead should watch it as the young side kick of Blade, he's great as usual in it. With great production values, fangtastic cinematography and just all round beautiful to look at there is only one thing I'd have preferred, this was made in the days where Hollywood was really trying to push the boundaries of CGI and therefore it's mostly good in this but there are a few ott shots. There are many people that still state Blade as the best of the trilogy but as a writer and filmmaker myself the sequel is the better of the two. It offers more of everything the first gave us, however this is a very dark film and I've noticed some people don't like it as much due to the added horror and gore. But if you want a no holds barred, BIG action/horror, about a vampire hunter doing what they do best then this is the BEST there is! At 22 years old now this really is a gem of multi-genres like no other, the only thing that hasn't dated so great is the earlier mentioned CGI. Dont get me wrong the runtime doesn't fly by as quickly as the first does but that's purely because there's alot more plot being told with many more characters than the first. Most of you have seen this film by now but for those of you that haven't then go watch it! This is by far one of Marvel's best films that we will never get anything even close to this again now, rather than be sad about that fact just relish in rewatching this many times lol anyway thank you for reading and I hope I've helped you remember what a classic monster mash this comic book movie is. Until the next time stay safe, and may the force be with you.

Blade: Trinity (2004)

The death of a GREAT franchise, two stars for the awesome soundtrack

[2/10 · 19 June 2024]

Hello again film fans I hope you are all well. So at this point most fans of blade know how bad this film is, but for those of you who don't allow me to highlight some of this films main problems. The films first problem was allowing writer David s goyer to direct for the first time. Yea great idea studio, give the third and possibly most important film in a great franchise to a first time director who isn't even a director! It goes as well as you may expect, bad pacing, horrible shots, etc. Next fatal error, the action. Fir a franchise that really raised the bar for Hollywood action films, bringing in an Asian stunt team being the perfect choice for Blade's unique action style, Donnie yen being brought into the fold for Blade 2's action scenes, the third's action should have been treated so carefully in order to outdo what had come before. It wasn't and it really REALLY doesn't! Watching this films action scenes is like watching an episode of Buffy! So silly and over the top even for a blade movie! The fact one of the 'hero' characters outs her earphones in everytime she fights vampires is beyond pathetic! Has she been training her whole life in fighting as a deaf person???! Wouldn't you want to have all your senses open when fighting multiple people?? Let alone multiple vampires?!?!? Was she the first real Mary Sue??!! One last thing of why the action fails so much in this one also, for some reason humans are as strong as blade in this one and can beat up vampires just as easily. No wonder Mr Snipes hated making this film, he even threatened to knock Ryan Reynolds out on set for those of you who didn't know lol anyway so fatal error number 3, the story. The first trailer for this film committed the same old trailer crime, or from the studios perspective achieved their goal, it gave us a trailer that looked a hundred times better than the film itself(it's the main reason I don't watch trailers anymore, they just spoil the film in many different ways like expectations and hype just to name two examples). The trailer reveals Dracula the big bad himself as the final enemy of the blade trilogy, how PERFECT??!!! Then you watch the film and it really could've been any other vampire baddie. No taping into Draculas past or anything! It's as if the concept of him as the bad guy was itself just click bait. Im sure if they brought either of the previous directors back, especially Del Toro, the script would've gone through changes and rewrites until it was the film we all deserved and not this mess of an mtv music video. The other major problem with the story was another of Mr Snipes problems with it also, Blade is pretty much side lined to introduce Van wilder and his idiot college friends as the moronic 'Nightstalkers'. The films called Blade Trinity not Nightwalkers Tweenies! And repeatedly we are shown that they apparently deserve as much screen time as Blade, doing what previously only Blade could do best. No lie this film, as a true die hard blade fan,(saw the first one 5 times at the cinema and the second one 3 times) I was obviously VERY upset after seeing it. I clearly blamed alot of that on Van wilder, sorry I mean Ryan Reynolds. EVERYTIME he opens his mouth in this it's just a childish crude comment of some sort as this was only a few years after American pie and van wilder where vulgar humour was slipping into most mainstream movies and it just KILLS the mood of this supposed BLADE movie! I honestly wanted to beat his character up himself and immediately understood why Snipes got so annoyed with him on set, wouldn't you be the same?? Witnessing everyday this unfunny guy slowly ruining your finale to your awesome trilogy?? Lol luckily for me Reynolds nailed another comic fave of mine Deadpool and redeemed himself! Final story failure worth mentioning and minor spoiler here, it's actually a MAJOR spoiler but this film botched its execution so badly it feels like only a minor thing. Whistler gets killed at the start and instead of going into a blood rage, feeding off the offenders and killing everybody in sight as the Blade we all know and love would do, he actually doesnt even attack anyone and just lets out a very lacklustre shout of pain and gets arrested. Yup, I nearly walked out of the cinema there and then! Ok so I've gone on a bit now so I'll wrap it up, hopefully after everything I've mentioned you'll all know to save wasting your time watching this or you'll watch it just to see if it's as bad as everyone says it is lol do yourself a favour tho and if you are going to watch this watch the first two films beforehand and you will easily tell straight away that this one even has a straight to dvd feel about it and then the film itself backs this up. Blade one was revolutionary in Hollywood action movies, it was fast and original and perfect. The second took everything the first gave you except it gave us what I personally felt was missing from the first, gave us scary enemies and gore, and a powerful villain that made Deacon Frost look like a tv presenter, agsin just perfect from what we needed as the sequel. This just lets everyone down, and wastes what was unfortunately the last Blade film. The soundtrack does follow trilogy suit tho and is GREAT! That's it tho. I really hope they do a final film with Mr Snipes, I mean we got the old man Logan film and that was the best one! Thank you for reading and until the next time, stay safe, treat eachother well and may the force be with you.

The Crow (1994)

4K review, the best film ever just got even BETTER!!!

[10/10 · 23 May 2024]

Hello again film fans and I hope you are all well. So 30 years have now passed since one of the greatest comic book movies of all time was made, The Crow. I have to admit my hype for this film back in 94 was CRAZY! Already a huge fan of Brandon Lee(despite me being only 12 and all of his films so far being 18 rated! Lol) when I heard of his tragic death I cried as any 12 year old film buff would right? Lol then we got the trailer and it looked better than anything before it, better than Batman, better than superman, this was finally a DARK n GRITTY superhero film and Brandon Lee was the main star! Looking ridiculously cool in the make up also I couldn't be more excited. When me and my friends finally got to watch it on vhs I was initially disappointed as I wanted to see Brandon Lee doing martial arts all over the place as it was his last film! Hey cut me some slack I was only 12! Lol so about 4 hours later me and my friend decided to watch it a second time to really make our minds up, second viewing I got it. I saw it for the beautifully tragic revenge thriller that it is, and it blew me away! Ever since that day this film has become my all time favourite film ever as it is such a unique experience of human emotions, beautiful images and the best soundtrack ever committed to a film! Brandon lee's final performance is not just his best but one of the BEST performances EVER! Just like Heath ledgers final performance was a once in a lifetime experience, so is Brandon's. It always freaked me out that the two actors were the same age when they died, and both had clown faces painted on for those final performances, weird huh? Anyway I know I'm rambling so I apologise, back to the point! So I just received my beautiful 4k steelbooks for this 30th anniversary celebration, I say steelbookS as they released two different versions in the U. K. and as it's my favourite film and as a collector obviously I had to get both! You get all previous features released on dvd and bluray but you get a new half hour documentary on the new releases which is a good watch. The film itself WOW! I didn't think this dark gothic thriller could look any more beautiful but I was wrong! The details you can now see on buildings and characters is like being in the film they are so vivid and detailed! The soundtrack and music sound even more like a perfect dream of sounds in 4K, even some of the sound effects really pop! The explosion of Gideon's was so loud it actually made me jump! Lol I know I am preaching to the converted as most of you have seen this film already and know how epic and individual an experience it is, but for those of you who don't, GO WATCH IT NOW and experience the REAL film that inspired comic book movies to be darker and more grittier. The supporting cast all do a stellar job of supporting the unrivalled Brandon Lee, from Ernie Hudson's loveable cop to Michael Wincott's diabolical Top dollar. Some criticise the film for not being a faithful adaptation of the ground breaking original comic by the great James obarr, but even by O'Barr's own admission the comic is his version and the movie is Brandon's which he ADORES! Brandon and O'barr became good friends in the production of the film and O'barr has always praised the film for Brandon and the vision the film had. He even spoke out about the recent HORRIBLE/GROTESQE/AWFUL reboot saying it was totally pointless and this is the creator saying that people! The big mistake the reboot made was making it Eric and Shelley's story instead of just doing a different crow story, ah well they'll learn their mistake the hard way when the new one FLOPS HARD at the box office and rightfully so! The Crow will and should ALWAYS remain BRANDON'S FILM honouring his beautiful memory aswell as one of the most PERFECT movies EVER made! I'm so sorry I feel I have really rambled on here, bottom line the 4K transfer if this classic is everything we e come to expect from 4K movies, beautiful picture better than ever seen before, including seeing even more either side of the picture which Ive noticed lots of people haven't picked up on. A soundtrack that feels like it was made just yesterdays with its detail and sound perfection. Thank you for reading and I'm so sorry if I bored you with my ramblings lol so until the next time stay safe, and may the force be with you.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

An underrated CLASSIC that just gets better with age!

[10/10 · 28 March 2024]

Hello again film friends, I hope you are all well. So I thought it about time I finally admit something to myself, I now LOVE this film! I was one of the many at the time of release that was quite disappointed with what we saw on opening night, the infamous theatrical version of this TITANC clash of heros. As a massive comic book geek since before I can remember,(yes I was the one always explaining the comic book references to friends in the cinema at many comic book movies, weather they wanted me to or not lol) and as a huge fan of watchmen and man of steel(even tho the Dark knight trilogy will always be the best comic book movies of all time, watchmen is up there too tho) I was very excited about this especially as it was kinda man of steel 2, but the theatrical version seemed more Batman focussed to which I was initially disappointed in. But I already knew there was going to be a fuller version upon bluray release just like the many extended versions of Watchmen which again just make the film more perfect. So I reserved judgement as best I could, despite the fact I felt they ruined the Doomsday storyline and his botched cave-troll look, I was originally VERY angry about this back then if I'm being totally honest! Lol but it is true, the ultimate version of this film is actually fantastic! Now that we live in a world where Henry cavil is no longer superman(GRRR!) and we have all seen the REAL 4 hour version of the also great Justice league, this previous entry in the DC trilogy just gets better with age! The story is complicated but follows so effortlessly if you pay attention, the action is GREAT! Giving us some very awesome Batman action scenes, the Batmobile chase is so reckless yet calculated and violent, it's as if it's what Mad Max would be like if he had a Batmobile! And the fight scene where he takes out the thugs to save Martha is still arguably the BEST Batman fight scene on film, it was definitely inspired by the CLASSIC Arkham games and that's why it worked so well. But it also adds so much more storyline of cavil that it now finally does feel like man of steel 2 vs Batman. Each time I watch it the 3 hour runtime really does seem to fly by as there so much going on. I still feel that we didn't need to see Bruce's parents killed for the hundredth time but it is a nice couple of cameos and is at least quick. Batfleck is awesome and is the perfect Batman for this DC trilogy(man of steel,BvsS, justice league. Bale will always be my fave tho) as obviously Cavil is and always will be the worthy successor to the late Christopher Reeve's classic Superman. Even tho I do consider this a massively underrated classic now, I do still wish that the titular fight scene was done a bit better and lasted a bit longer and Doomsday's story was designed and executed in a better way like in stand alone Man of steel sequel(Death of Superman is a CLASSIC comic book even if you don't really like superman comics, probably a fact that helped it become one of the biggest selling comic books of ALL time......sorry, I'm doing it again, you now probably feel the pain my friends all do in the cinema, que facepalm! Lol). But one important thing to address that so many people don't seem to get about one of the main plot points of the film is the infamous "Martha" element. I've heard so many people say "it's so stupid that they stop fighting just because their mum's have the same name!" But it isn't really that at all, it is what their mothers represent to them individually and are collectively responsible for everything that each man fights for and to protect, the innocent people. I actually feel stupid even including that explanation in this now long winded review, sorry, que second facepalm! But I have heard people hating on this film for that fact alone but again in the ultimate version this is a thread that's fleshed out with more details so it does make more sense. Clark's additional scenes really do flesh his character out in a much better way also. Finally the soundtrack is BRILLIANT! It's hardly surprising tho as done by The Beethoven of our time Hanz Zimmer and his padawan Junkie XL aka Tom Holkenborg(who did the brilliant fury road score becoming a Jedi in the process lol)Anyway I'm sorry to those of you who are still reading as I feel I've rambled on a bit, bottom line is even if you watched this film back upon release and wasn't that impressed, try the ultimate version as you may surprise yourself at how much more you actually enjoy it now. So until the next time, thanks for reading, stay safe and may the force be with you.

Dune: Part Two (2024)

Mesmerising, a pure epic piece of entertainment

[10/10 · 6 March 2024]

Hello again film friends, I hope you are all well. So Dune part two is finally here, and the one question I'm sure you're all asking is, well those of you that havent seen it yet anyway, does it live up to the hype? And let me answer with a very strong YES! It is a beautiful epic in every sense, the acting, the story, the images and of course the music. Everyone involved really brought their A-game and knew they were making something special. The story this time is much more evolved and even more enticing than part one. No spoilers here but if you enjoyed part one then you owe it to yourself to see the epic next chapter. There are so many exciting beautiful images in this story that my friends and I were grinning from ear to ear pretty much all the way through. I'm very happy for director Dennis Villenueve as his last beautiful epic Blade runner 2049 was VERY under appreciated and overlooked, but he is getting the recognition for his genius now at least with Dune. I will warm fans of the book tho that some things have been changed but the good news is that it doesn't spoil ANY of your enjoyment of this rendition of the story. There isn't really much else I can say at this point without giving away even the smallest of spoilers, I will redo my review once the bluray is in my greedy hands! Quick note, those of you that have a 3D set up you can actually buy part one in 3D!!! It was released in Germany I think and looks amazing in 3D! So anyway I'll wrap it up with advising you go and see this as soon as possible and also recommend seeing it in IMAX for the best experience possible! Thanks for reading and until the next time, stay safe and may the force be with you.

Pretty in Pink (1986)

John Hughes only overrated movie

[3/10 · 25 February 2024]

Hello again film fans and I hope you are all well. So like any film buff that grew up in the 80s I'm a HUGE John Hughes fan, for example planes trains is my favourite comedy of all time. Hughes seemed to have a brilliant sense of humour and heart giving us some of the 80s most iconic films such as Breakfast club, weird science and the beloved Uncle buck. What made all of his films classic is that they took you back to being a teenager aswell as made you laugh and of course cry. Hughes' films almost feel like they are a genre of their own! So one Sunday afternoon I decided to finally watch Pretty in Pink, and see if it lived up to the hype as MOST Hughes films did and still do to this day. I'd stayed away from this one cos something told me it wouldn't be my cuppa tea. And unfortunately here I am, 50 minutes into it and writing this review as I was right, it's not my cuppa tea. It's got 80s icon Ringwold in it who as usual is great, it's got a young David Spader in it who agsin is always brilliant. But the film itself feels more like an episode of a failed TV show rather than an iconic 80s comedy movie. It doesn't even feel like a John Hughes film, more like someone trying to copy his style. And then there's the two BIG problems why the film fails, firstly it's not even funny! Jokes seem forced and out of place which is hard to believe of a John Hughes 80s film! And secondly there's Duckie, oh how I wish this film would cross over with another beloved 80s classic so we could enjoy watching Chucky kill Duckie!!! Seriously I'm not even joking, you feel sorry for the actor as his scenes are so CRINGE it's painful! So to wrap it up the whole reason I wrote this review was in the hope that once again I can hopefully save you peeps time like no one did for me and tell you to stay away from this flick. Even if like me you're a die hard Hughes fan, by all means give it a go but if you're looking for classics like planes trains, uncle buck, 16 candles, Ferraris buellers day off or weird science or even breakfast club then be ready for a HUGE disappointment. People maybe thinking I'm missing the point as it's supposed to be more of a drama but the characters are so thin that it's hard to really latch on to it as a meaningful drama. Even when Molly gives her expected angst teenager speech, it actually comes across as more cliche than dramatic! Then there's the behind the scenes drama, in the original ending Molly ends up with Duckie but as expected every test screening audience hated that and rightfully so! But the ending of the actual film is now that she ends up with the guy who was always supposed to be the actual jerk of the film which again makes the whole film not work! Hughes was so annoyed at having to redo the ending he basically remade this film just a year later called Some kind of wonderful, but this time he learnt from his mistake with Duckie, NOT to make the loveable geek the most annoying insufferable idiot on the planet! And surprise surprise, it worked perfectly and that film was released in its full original glory as intended. So if like me your a completest and needed to tick this film off your John Hughes list then go for it, just be warned, this is not the 80s heartfelt comedy classic you're looking for. It's actually a bit of a bore and I HATE to admit that as I spent YEARS telling everyone John Hughes could do no wrong! The one thing I will give it that it does actually have the Hughes signature 80s classic soundtrack. One unintentionally funny scene that is worth checking out is when Duckie(this is a name that clearly didn't work as Hughes intended it to) gets into a fight. OH MY GOD it's supposed to be a really dramatic scene but oh dear is it so hilariously badly shot and overacted that it is just comical! I know I'm in the minority for my opinion of this film but I love all other John Hughes movies and this one really is a dud in comparison. All Hughes usual tropes just simply don't work or worse yet, come across as cliches! Anyway thanks for listening and until the next time, stay safe and may the force be with you.

Prey (I) (2022)

Disney makes a Predator princess

[1/10 · 11 February 2024]

Hello to all and I wish you all well, I've had to write a review on this because I'm sick to death reading all the UNDESERVED praise this very AVERAGE film gets! Firstly there is NOTHING new this film brings to the table. It is still just a film about a predator hunting people, except this time the hero is a teenage girl. Oh wait a sec, that must mean that this film is automatically brilliant! Yay the first predator film with a female lead! Who cares that she's one of the WORST examples of a modern day Mary Sue! For those who aren't familiar with the term let me explain, a 'Mary Sue' character is the term given when a character is basically better at EVERYTHING yet with no real logic behind why they are so great at anything. For example the worst character EVER in Star Wars is a Mary Sue, no NOT Jar Jar, I'd happily spend a year in the company of Jar Jar instead of with this horrible unlikable character! Yes of course I'm talking about the TERRIBLE character of Rey, the main character responsible for killing Star Wars. The main character in this snooze-fest is exactly that, she beats up people using her very history inaccurate MMA moves, she notices things that her WHOLE tribe for some reason don't(she must have the force), and lastly and worst yet, she someone manages how to work the PREDATOR'S futuristic weapons BETTER than the predator itself! Give me a break!!!! It simply comes down to this, if you like good films with original stories then this is NOT for you! I'm literally dumbfounded why this film gets so much praise other than it's just another tragic sign of our times, if we put a girl in a film dominated by males then we are all automatically supposed to love it fir that same reason alone. Sorry but if the film still has issues then I'm not gunna jump on the bandwagon! I've loved predator stories since seeing the first film as a kid, read all the books, comics, played all games etc and I'm sorry but this is NOT a good predator story! If the characters were likeable that at least would be a start but they're not! This film got made purely because of the setting but most importantly because of the female lead, I'm sure Kathleen Kennedy probably played a part somewhere uttering some bs like "now we can have a princess in the predator universe!" Watch the film and make your own minds up but please don't just jump on the bandwagon, especially listening to idiots who claim "it's as good as the original!" I thought predators was bad enough basically being a remake of the original, but oh boy this dud makes even predators seem like an original concept! The reason I've written this review so late is I'm now even more angered as fox(really Disney now) have basically given the writer and director of this rubbish the keys to the predator kingdom and are now facing multiple predator films under this average filmmakers average views and average direction. Yea nice one idiots! Didn't learn your lesson by letting Ridley, I've lost the plot, Scott do the same with the Alien kingdom??!!! Anyway thanks for listening to me rant and I hope I have given you an honest insight into this overrated film rather than all those other questionable reviews stating "Brilliant! Original! So thrilling!" I'll bet all of you reading this now, if you are not bored by the hour mark of this film then I take it back and clearly this film is for you! But a new designed predator(that doesn't look that good anyway!) a new setting in time, and a new hero DONT automatically make a film great! The people green lighting a sequel to this must be the same genius minds that let Paul WS Anderson make a billion resident evil movies. It just makes movies of the 70s,80s and 90s just keep getting better with age, a time where films were made to be entertaining at their core whereas these days film studios are driven by mediocre minds and greedy money grabbing fingers. Movie making is supposed to be an ART not a money making pyramid scheme like this film clearly was from its very first concept. If you want a good predator movie then stick with the first and second, all other instalments after that unfortunately get worse. Thank you fir reading and until the next time stay safe and may the force be with you.

Tekken 8 (2024 Video Game)

The best fighting game around just got better!

[10/10 · 27 January 2024]

Hi there so I'll make this quick as know if you're reading this there's just one thing you really want to know, is it worth buying? YES!!! I'll be honest after playing the demo I was horrified to learn I wasn't a fan and having been a life long fan of the series this was BAD news! But luckily it was just the limited characters you coujd play in the demo that I didn't like! So I'd recommend that you play through the arcade quest first as it's basically playing the arcade mode except this time you have an avatar that goes around challenging people to fights. I thought this would really annoy me but tbh it's actually quite fun and you can pick up tips and bonus items along the way. Also they've included a new HEAT mode into battle, once you know how to use it it does because a nice tactic in battle. Quite similar to the rage art but not nearly as damaging thankfully! The story mode is EPIC!!! The cinematic scenes are truly astounding and the story itself will get you hooked, even if a newbie to the series. The gameplay is also once again great, including new moves for all characters and the combat flows beautifully. They've really gone all out on the customisation options this time also as my life long goal of dressing Law up like the Crow has finally been achieved! No joke, they even have demon eyes you can choose in this one! Lol Graphics look great especially on a 4K tv! So yes this is truly the next step in the best fighting franchise around to date in my opinion, and with all the fancy bells and whistles added on this time, it is definitely worth your time and money. Be warned tho if your like me you'll end up playing it for about 12 hours on the day you get it regardless of this precious little thing people call sleep! Hope this review has helped and until the next time, stay safe and may the force be with you.....PS if you come across a character that looks like Eric from the Crow be sure to know it's me! Thanks for listening.

Jingle All the Way 2 (2014 Video)

Worst film ever? Larry the cable guy should stick to fixing cable

[1/10 · 14 December 2023]

You will be asking yourself this same question IF you make it to the end of this shameless cash in. Seriously this is NOT funny and NOT entertaining in the slightest. You can't even get into the story, more lack of should I say. The first one had nice messages, humour and ARNIE!!! The biggest crime of this waste of space film is everyone involved in this got PAID! Think of all the decent people working hard in tough jobs out there then you see people getting paid to do nothing difficult that ANYONE else could do! I reckon they let the coffee runner write the script to this, my 12 year old niece could do a better job!!! The ONLY line that made me laugh in this (cough)'movie' is when Larry the idiot guy says "I am loveable"......I laughed so hard I nearly choked. No Larry you are NOT funny, NOT entertaining and NOT an actor. Once again a (cough)'movie' proves that some people clearly have more money than sense. I still can't believe people invested money to get this made. I've honestly had more fun sitting on the toilet. Please please please don't EVER fall for giving this a chance like I stupidly did. "It can't be that bad can it? It's a Christmas film after all???" As Geena Davis once said "Be afraid, be very afriad" Thanks for listening and wishing you all the best till next time.

The Descent: Part 2 (2009)

Should never have been made, those who claim this is good have VERY low standards

[1/10 · 8 November 2023]

Hello again, I'll make this short because there really isn't much to say about this poor excuse for a CASH GRAB! Firstly it doesn't even follow the CORRECT ending of the original, spoiler alert Sarah died at the end! But the good ol hollywood execs thought there was a quick buck to be made by changing the ending to Sarah lives just so we can make another film that is a cheap rehash of the first, I mean even the effects are pretty cheap! I'm very surprised to see this has a 5.7 rating as that would suggest it's pretty good but it isn't, it is just a cheap, POINTLESS rehash of a great original horror film! This really is the case where they actually stain the first one with this abomination. Some of the great strong moments in the original are literally mocked in the second one. For example Juno is still alive living some random Rambo life in the caves. Very stupid. And when I say this really all is pointless I mean it as Sarah dies in the cave at the end again anyway......so seriously what on Earth was the point to this cheap b movie? As Samuel L Jackson would say to the people behind this catastrophe, "Not even GOD knows what you're doing!!!" But seriously I'm so stumped with how or why this got made if not purely for a shameless cash grab, if you know the answer then Please write it in an email and send it to......lol anyway please please please, if your a fan of the first CLASSIC horror The Decent, then stay well away from this snooze fest, just watch the original again you'll feel much more satisfied at the end, even tho it's a dark ending you know what I mean lol so until the next time, stay safe and May the force be with you.

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Great film, maybe a little overhyped tho....?

[8/10 · 11 October 2023]

Hello again film lovers! Ok sooo MI-7, those of you reading are probably looking to see if the film lives up to all the overwhelming hype its got and let me say in some ways yes, in some ways no. Before I continue let me try and save you some time first by showing you what I rate the other films in this series. Then at least it will give you an idea of if your gunna read the rest of this review lol ok so MI:1-7/10, MI:2-10/10, MI:3-9/10, parts 4-6 all 11/10! So read on, should you chose to do so lol I'm a lifelong fan of Mr Cruise(seriously the guy only makes a questionable film every few leap years and has been doing so since the early 80s!)and this series of films, I still remember getting all hyped aged only 13 to see the original mission impossible and then falling asleep in the cinema as I was so bored! Lol but then part 2 was just my kind of crazy spy vs spy action film, plus I'm a VERY big fan of John Woo! And so I was back on board and have been a LOYAL fan ever since. As is popular opinion with fans of the series, these films have just gone from strength to strength, particularly with parts 4-6, Fallout being especially EPIC filmmaking at its best! I've even seen the last three in the London IMAX costing me a total of £75 each time just to ensure I watched every second of them exactly how Mr Cruise and team wanted us to. So to say I was excited to see this latest instalment, especially after the pandemic delays etc, was a HUGE understatement!(I even had trouble sleeping the night before, can you blame me after how AMAZING Fallout was?!) So I did my best Tom Cruise run to catch my train, constantly thinking of the train stunt in this one's trailer I may add! Lol And excitedly me and my brother talked about how epic this new film was as literally EVERY single review at that point had said basically it's the best movie ever! And after the last 3 being arguably that high in quality we had no reason to doubt it! Soooo my first impression was, honestly, a little underwhelmed I'm sad to report, and my brother felt the same. Don't get me wrong it is great and very entertaining, but my expectations were maybe a little too high to live up to? But the other thing that really bugged me was that they really did show ALL of the best bits in the trailer, the big bike stunt for example, if you've seen the trailer you've seen the whole stunt already. The film just feels like one big chase scene, everyone is chasing everyone else, my brother actually complained that he felt a bit dizzy afterwards lol Something just felt a bit....off? It didn't feel as clever or as tense as previous instalments, but that could just be me. Let me also point out that some friends of mine went to see it and they hadn't seen any of the previous ones, they thought it was AMAZING! Like literally one of the best action films they'd ever seen and those friends do have VERY good taste in films also. So naturally I then watched all others from 4 onwards with them, very interested to see if they still thought this one was the best one even after having now seen parts 4-6, and I have to admit they actually still do! And yes they did LOVE parts 4-6 especially, like the rest of us lol So that's why I said yes and no to the film living up to the hype, me and my brother felt it wasn't as amazing as parts 4-6 unfortunately(even tho we desperately wanted it to be better, but maybe that was asking a bit too much tbf?), but other friends of mine do think it is the BEST instalment yet so it really is up to you to make your own call on it. By Hollywood standards it does, as most other mission impossible films do, stand out a MILE in filmmaking excellence! You know with these films you are getting unbridled entertainment for sure so you will definitely have a blast watching this latest instalment. But as us film geeks can't help but always do, is it the best one yet?? The decision is up to you! Lol I'm hoping that once we get part 2 I will want to re-review this part one as I'm sure I will be the one after all is revealed saying THESE ARE THE BEST ONES YET! Lol I won't even be mad or embarrassed because it will hopefully be down to how multi layered in writing both parts are which I will love! At the end of the day the thing that REALLY makes this series of films so damn entertaining is how brilliantly written they are. Nothing kills an action film quicker than dumb writing, Endgame and The Predator I'm talking to you! Grrr still mad about how much potential both those films had and just blew it with TERRIBLE writing! Anyways, I hope I have helped you fans understand that this part one needs to be seen to really get your own feel for it and see where you place it in the order of 7 films in the series. I'll still be doing my best Tom Cruise impression running up to London to see part 2 on opening day and will write my review on that the same day, I left this review until I got the digital copy of this part so I could watch it again before committing to this review. So to summarise, this film is GREAT, but if like me you are a long time fan of the series you may find it's been a little bit overhyped and not as good as previous instalments. So thanks again for listening and until the next time wishing you and your families well, stay safe and May the force be with you.

A Serbian Film (2010)

Anyone who enjoys this film is sick themselves and NEED help!

[1/10 · 6 October 2023]

I stopped watching after half way as I knew this is no "art film" it is just a sickening insight into some sick people's minds. I literally read a review of some moron on here giving it a 10/10 and his title was "rating this 10/10 as people need to open their eyes!" LOL! There's nothing funnier than a moron thinking they know what they're talking about! Lol so in this idiots review he went onto list that the most sickening parts of this film happen in real life and we should "be mad at life, not the film!" Oh really, so we should watch entertainment that is just as sick and nasty as some of the most disgusting people on the planet? I think this idiot is related to that other sicko Tom Sick, sorry Tom Six, god I'd love to challenge both to a fistfight and beat the sickness out of them! Lol seriously people stay away from this vile crap unless like our previously mentioned moron reviewer, you enjoy sticking up for sick things that should NEVER have been made! Anyway please stay away from this film at all costs, it's not even a film, it's a true reflection of just how sick some people can be ego are pretending to be film makers. The only plus side is the untalented director hasn't made anything for 10 years now, fingers crossed no one ever gives him another penny to make anything else. Thanks for stopping by and wish you and your families all the best.

Talk to Me (I) (2022)

It's not scary AT ALL!!!! 1 star is GENEROUS Don't talk to me!

[1/10 · 29 September 2023]

Hello again please read this review and save yourself the HUGE let down I experienced in watching this LAME film. Once again I am totally dumbstruck by what people today call 'scary'. This film didn't even give me chills ONCE! I love all great horror from the original night of the living dead to the conjuring movies(1 & 2 at least). This film doesn't just fail at being a decent horror movie but it completely fails outright as a basic film! Firstly the characters are TERRIBLE! They all have ZERO likability and just keep on making DUMB choices throughout! The script itself seems like it was written by a 10 year old with cringey humour and just outright bad dialogue with zero logic! The story is all over the place trying to find an actual point to justify its existence. The film is so dull I actually started writing this review an hour into it and just let it continue to give me ammo to hate it! If I'm coming across a bit angry it's because I LOVE HORROR movies and I HATE keep getting my hopes up about the new films everyone raves are the "best new horror film" and then I am left scratching my head wondering what the heck was supposed to be good about them! Seriously there is literally nothing to like about this film, the complete lack of story, the complete lack of likeable characters, the COMPLETE LACK of scares??!! I just wish people who knew nothing about decent horror would STOP making these lame films! Seriously are we supposed to be scared about rotting dead people? Is that what the point is and that's why I don't get it? Even when the film starts to make you think it has a point(saving a child who's been possessed) it then completely forgets this and ends in a really stupid illogical way! Ok I'm gunna stop now and hope my high blood pressure has proven to you TRUE horror fans out there to pass this one by, honestly any TRUE horror fan will only enjoy how easy this film is to scoff at. A friend once said to me, "usually when all the critics and mainstream fans rave about a new film stating "the best new 'genre' film yet!" it is usually a BAD sign, and oh boy is this lame film "the worst new horror film yet!". I SO WANTED TO LOVE THIS FILM but honestly, there is nothing to love or even remotely like about any of it. The only thing I am actually HAPPY about......I didnt have to pay to watch it thankfully and now will also be cancelling my preordered steelbook because once again I fell for the clearly bought for hype for this boring snooze fest. I will say I can't wait to hear what my mate thinks of it as he like myself is proper horror fan and again like myself he is stupidly excited to see "the new best horror movie!" Lol! Thanks for listening to me rant and I pray it saves you all an hour and a half of your life you will never get back! So until the next time Stay safe and may the force be with you.

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)

The Meh 2

[4/10 · 18 September 2023]

Firstly let me start by saying ever since I first watched Jaws at 6 years old I have been obsessed with films and sharks so naturally a big fan of creature features! Also growing up in the 80s and being British I obviously LOVE the Stath! Ever since they first announced they were making the Meg and Jason statham was starring in it I was hooked! So when I finally saw the first one, after getting over the total lack of gore, I quite enjoyed it as one of the 'better' shark films. But as a film buff I knew the sequel would be better as well as bigger! I genuinely don't watch trailers anymore as they basically show you the whole film, but with this I was excited after the covid delays to feast my eyes on fresh Meg action.....oh boy do I wish I DIDNT!!! Firstly the trailer makes it look like just a new bigger budget Statham action movie, and you saw people actually get eaten in the trailer and I was thinking "I sure hope they aren't main characters we've seen eaten!" So I finally saw the film, and as much as I really REALLY wanted to love it, it IS a massive let down. If you have ANY hope of enjoying it then please DONT WATCH THE TRAILER!!! It DOES show all the MAIN CHARACTER'S DEATHS!!! The film is a case of too many ideas and not enough runtime. Jason is as always great, but the megs themselves are hardly in it! And not only that, no one really seems that scared of them either in this! Point in case, the finale is Statham going out ON HIS OWN ON A JETSKI to kill THREE MEGS!!! I mean I know he's tough but, well.....COME ON!!! It is more of an action popcorn flick than anything else sadly, the first one at least had some atmosphere to it but this is all bright lights and ZERO atmosphere! There are even a few moments we're even some of the cast look a bit unsure of what they're doing. If your 12 or younger than no doubt you will love this film, adults unfortunately, even those expecting this b-movie to be a guilty pleasure watch will walk away disappointed. We can only hope that the next instalment the producers remember they are making a film about a prehistoric shark eating people and not "expendables 5 : the underwater city". Even fans of the first will walk out and completely forget about this movie five minutes later. Here's hoping Meg 3 will be a pure creature feature fun horror fest....like they all should be! The one thing I DID enjoy tho, were the many nods/homages to the massively underrated Jaws 2! Thanks again for listening/reading, and until the next time May the force be with you.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

It's still Star Wars people!

[10/10 · 21 August 2023]

So let me start by saying I've been a fan of Star Wars basically since my birth in 1982, no lie my mum use to put it on when I was a baby and I'd be glued to it apparently! So I grew up in the 80s and like a lot of people Star Wars was my life! I read all the books of the extended galaxy and the trilogy of books that George lucas endorsed as actual cannon continuing the stories of Luke, Leia and Han. But even as a child I also dreamed of seeing the epic historic battle of Anakin vs Obi-wan as their battle on the lava planet was also known as Star Wars cannon. But also I wanted to know what happened to allow this evil empire to rule over the galaxy as first introduced in a new hope, aswell as most of all I CRAVED seeing Jedis and Siths battling in their prime as I believed due to Luke's acrobatic displays in the OT that Jedis and Siths would be natural martial artists. So when news broke that Mr Lucas was doing the prequel trilogy explaining the empires rise to power and the fall of Anakin Skywalker I was beyond excited!!! So like a good little fanboy I got tickets to the first showing in my town, the hype for this film as many people remember was SO CRAZY as people where offering me up to £300 for the three tickets I had! But there was NO WAY anyone was seeing this film before me! So now 16 years old I went in to witness the new Star Wars film and the start of the best franchise in movie history....... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! It was beautifully original, the pacing suffered in a few places(jar jar Binks for example) but it was an exciting, beautiful space opera that introduced you to some already much beloved characters. What is Star Wars if not that??? Yes it's not perfect,jar jar Binks and Anakin are quite cringey in places and some of the dialogue is clunky and forced but the OT had ALL these issues too! But because the OT is so beloved people refuse to acknowledge that. People also complained about all the politics in this first episode but I LOVED it as I could see where it was going and it obviously was the beginning of the end for democracy in a galaxy far far away and would lead to the birth of the evil empire! So it was answering questions I'd always had and in a very realistic and intelligent way. Then we get easily one of the BEST Jedis EVER in Liam Neeson's Qui Gon, seriously need I say more??! And no Jedi is complete without his Sith Nemesis and we all know who Darth Maul is!!! Again I was right, Darth Maul was played by martial artist Ray Park and he proved under Mr Lucas direction that Sith's ARE martial artists which obviously then lead to arguably the sagas GREATEST lightsaber battle! Then add a BRILLIANT performance as a young Alec Guineas by the brilliant Ewan McGregor and already your in Star Wars heaven! It had ALL the Star Wars usuals, big monsters eating other monsters, loads of new and fantastic space ships and vehicles, exciting chase scenes and battles and overall another classic good vs evil story that sets up the Star Wars films that we all know and love. Yes there are things you can complain about, jar jar is basically just embarrassing to anyone over the age of 10, but reality check here people, Star Wars was always meant to be a kids fantasy serial for Saturday afternoons and surprise surprise, kids loved jar jar! Again the films pacing does suffer a bit towards the middle but it soon picks up again. Again Jake Lloyd in my opinion wasn't well suited as Anakin, what's more annoying is if you watch the documentary The Beginning which is a great behind the scenes to this episode you see the screen tests for the last three for Anakin and Jake Lloyd WASNT the best one! Mr Lucas' first mistake no doubt. So Anakin himself is quite annoying in the film but again cut the kid some slack he's 9 ffs! Lol So to wrap it up yes I can understand why fanboys who grew up with the series were dissatisfied with the BIGGEST HYPED MOVIE OF ALL TIME, but this is one life long fanboy who still to this day LOVES the phantom menace and has done ever since first seeing it. Hype as we've seen MANY times can kill a film in some people's ridiculously high expectation filled minds and that is exactly what happened with this film. People overlook that once again Mr Lucas' visions led to yet MORE breakthroughs in cgi technology and yet AGAIN changed the ways movies are made with this episode, as-well as giving the world AGAIN classic characters that are already proving will be around for many many more years to come. Point in case, 24 years later and we all still go on about how epic Darth Maul is or how cool Qui Gon was! Anyway so to summarise this film for this of you that haven't yet seen it, if your a Star Wars fan there is MUCH to love but if you only really consider Star Wars to be the OT then it's 50/50 you'll love it. Don't get me wrong, the Disney ABOMINATIONS ARE NOT STAR WARS!!! George Lucas wrote and created Episides 1-6 so in my opinion that is the Star Wars saga to me personally......but Rogue one does fit in between Revenge of the Sith and A new hope PERFECTLY! So yes sit down on a Saturday afternoon when you've got nothing better to do and give this film a go, or a second look and I'm sure you'll be entertained. PS I LOVE that since Disney destroyed Star Wars with their dismal embarrassing trilogy people are going back and giving the prequels the love and respect they ALWAYS deserved. If I seem a bit too defensive of this film it is purely from witnessing YEARS of it getting undeserved hate. And yes I haven't mentioned midi-chlorians as that is the one part of this film I choose to ignore as nobody's perfect! Thanks for listening/reading and wishing you and your families all the best.

Eden Lake (2008)

A nasty uninspired film that offers zero entertainment unless your into snuff films

[1/10 · 20 August 2023]

Firstly let me start by saying the writer and director is very talented as they went on to do the brilliant Woman in black, but here there is nothing original or entertaining about this VERY bleak and nasty film. I'm a big fan of horror movies from the likes of The exorcist,the shining and Halloween to the silence of the lambs, sinister and the conjuring movies, but some films in the genre shouldn't be watched or praised and instead the filmmakers responsible should be named and shamed, such as the massively UNTALENTED Tom Sick, sorry Tom six who unfortunately made the vile and uninspired human centipede films(why ANYONE funds this guy to make these trash films is one of the many mysteries of this world). We live in a world where even young children these days are basically brought up through the internet, IPads and social media, so I believe filmmakers today have a certain responsibility to NOT make trash where it glorifies violence or irresponsible behaviour. Especially not films that make it seem cool or fun to young people to be animals to people. And there it is, that is pretty much this film in a nutshell.

The film is about a couple that go away to the countryside for the weekend. They rub some youths up the wrong way and then for some reason the youths seem to feel they can torture and murder anyone they like(totally unrealistic behaviour). They set out on a horrible rampage of killing anyone in their way, including a horrible scene where a young Indian BOY is set on fire. Also there is another scene where they literally torture a man to death by taking it in turns stabbing him while he is already beaten up and tied up with Barb wire. Now that's what I call entertainment! NOT! Seriously what was the point of this film if not just glorifying violence and making idiot chavs around the world think it'd be a good idea to murder people!?? Even at the end of the film the kids get away with everything!!!!!!! All because apparently in the countryside parents are just as vile as their children!! So exactly what was the point of this film?? Letting us know they're horrible people in the world? Letting us know that innocent lovely people get brutally murdered everyday?? Thanks but we have the news for all that morbid reality, so as a piece of 'entertainment' there really isn't one. It was one of the first projects of the writer and director and as usual they obviously made a nasty film just to get peoples attention. It obviously worked tho as I mentioned earlier he went onto make the Woman in black which is a great little film.

So I'm sure there are people out there that will say I missed the point of the film or the message or bla bla bla whatever, but if I have to sit through something as constantly nasty and vicious as this to get a message, I'm happy just not getting that message thanks very much. Films are supposed to be entertaining in at least some way but I'm sorry this is just basically a snuff movie that does nothing but leave a bad taste in your mouth. If you enjoyed trash such as the human centipede or a Serbian film(I refuse to watch either as know they are just despicable trash and not worthy of being called films!) then maybe this film is for you in which case I feel sorry for you. I hope I have helped save you the unfortunate accident that happened to me with this film, "ooooh the writer and director of the woman in black, ooooh Michael fassbender's in it too! This should be great!" I haven't been so wrong about anything in all my life since before I bit into a parsnip thinking it was a roast potato! I'm sorry if I've ranted but as an independent film maker and writer myself I just feel "with great budget comes great responsibility" excuse the pun but film makers need to be more responsible before they put out trash that some silly person out there will try and recreate all because of the old excuse "I saw it done in a film". Wishing you and your families all the best, thanks for listening/reading, and until the next time, may the force be with you.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

A beautiful masterpiece of joy, humour, emotion and brilliant action.

[10/10 · 8 July 2023]

So given marvels recent few years of disappointments, endgame, Thor 4, Dr Strange 2 and Antman 3 I'm talking to you! I was as worried as most that the guardians final outing would possibly not live up to the greatness of volumes 1 & 2, especially given the delay with this last chapter due to Disney firing then rehiring James Gunn, proving once again how much of a mess they can make of things. However I am VERY happy to report, it's the BEST of the bunch! I don't really know where to start! It's got great action, the opening scene really kicks things off straight away! There's deep emotions on display particularly from Star Lord, but all get to show their fair share. And the comedy as usual is very funny and off the wall as with previous instalments. And finally as always yet again, the soundtrack rocks! James Gunn really has pulled out all the stops and gives the guardians the grand send off they all deserve. A word of warning tho to those wanting to show it to their young children, it does include marvels first f bomb, as well as some of the scenes are really quite dark which was surprising, but still great! Everyone in it gives great performances especially Adam warlock, although comic book fans may disagree with the direction of the character, I personally found him hilarious. The bad guy at times does border on the line of slightly of over acting occasionally but overall he's a good bad guy. It's bittersweet as it's the last guardians film but it is such a good final instalment, strongly confirming the guardians trilogy to be up there with some of the greats like the dark knight trilogy, Indiana jones, Star Wars etc. I've tried to keep this review as spoiler free as possible but fans of Firefly will love a few cameos! Anyway hopefully I've encouraged enough of you that you will have a good time watching this, if you don't, then watch it again just incase there's anything you may have missed! I'm very much hoping this gets released on bluray in 3D as it looks incredible in 3D also! I truly congratulate James Gunn on producing such a unique and brilliantly entertaining trilogy. It's going to be a long time until we get another trilogy that is this consistent with its quality and brilliance. Wishing you and your families well and until next time, may the force be with you.

Hard Target (1993)

Van Damme and John Woo, need I say more??

[10/10 · 23 June 2023]

Hello again, firstly I hope you are all well. So with the 4K release of this film this week,(and a VERY limited edition steelbook release for all those collectors out there like me)I was very happy to revisit this GEM of a 90s action flick. I grew up in the late 80s and early 90s so it's no surprise that like Arnie and Stallone, Van Damme was a hero for me and I craved new films of his like a drug! Side note it was also Van Damme, Bruce, and Jackie's influence as a child that led to me learning martial arts also. Anyway, most of you who are reading this have almost no doubt already seen this action classic, but for those of you who haven't here's a brief summary...Lance Henriksen plays a bad guy who basically runs a hunt humans for sport business, backed up by his right hand man, a very awesome performance by Arnold Vosloo, he finds homeless people willing to play the game and basically murders them. A young woman rides into town looking for her missing farther, one of Henriksen's previous victims, and she enlists the help of wandering drifter Van Damme to help her. You can watch the movie to find out the rest but this is arguably Van Damme's best film. Van Damme fans note, I did say ARGUABLY his best, my personal fave is Lionheart but there are plenty of greats to choose from! Hard Target Production wise, Cast wise and Action wise is a true action gem classic! Woo mixes his usual slow mo with pigeons and bullets beautifully, Van Damme is on high kicking, one liner top form("Sorry about the shirt!") and Henriksen and Vosloo chew up the scenery like great villains should throughout. Like most action films in the 90s(and some still today come to think of it)there are a few "Really??!" Moments but it is a John Woo action flick after all! If you love your fun Friday night cool action movies then this is a MUST for you! The film obviously has a huge cult following as the beer adverts Van Damme found new fame with about 10 years ago he is wearing the EXACT costume and bad mullet from this film so that shows you how much of a pop icon this film was and still is. Con Air fans should also recognise that Nic Cage has exactly the same hair do and outfit that Van Damme does too lol Now for the geeky info...as this was a big budget film and John Woo's first Hollywood project, Universal were a bit nervous to have him do his own thing, so they asked Mr Sam 'Evil Dead' Raimi to step in and 'help' Woo as he also spoke very little English at the time. Hence the most memorable image anyone remembers of this film is the speeding metal arrow flying through the air multiple times, it is a very similar shot as the eye ball shot from Evil Dead 2 so clearly one of Raimi's contributions. Also when the first, second and third screenings for the studio and censors happened, EVERY time Woo and co were turned away with heavy cuts being demanded to be made. The rumours are that it was about 40 mins longer than the 'Uncut' version that is currently available. Rumour has it that the first cut of the movie had more character development of all three main characters aswell as naturally ALOT more violence. I witnessed some of the extra character scenes when a friend got hold of a workprint version however it must've been the third edit work print as there was very little additional footage. Hopefully one day we will see the FIRST edit of the film released however it's been 30 years so far and nothing. So to summarise, if your any kind of action film fan or just enjoy a fun way to kill 90 mins this is definitely for you! I've introduced a few partners to this one over the years who also really enjoyed it, usually as I'm trying to introduce Van Damme to them this one aswell as Lionheart is a pretty safe bet, unless they flat out hate action movies lol anyway if you haven't seen it and you've enjoyed my ramblings then check it out, for those of you who have seen it and loved it, check it out on 4K as it looks and sounds fantastic! So that's from me for now and until the next time I wish you and your families well and may the force be with you.

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

Anyone who claims this is a good film clearly HATES everything Star Wars stands for and is an imposter Star Wars fan

[1/10 · 14 May 2023]

After the cardboard copy of a new hope, aka the farce awakens I found myself stunned that I'd just witnessed my first disappointment of a Star Wars film(no lie it took my friends a few hours just to make me smile again). I finally understood how fans who were disappointed with phantom menace felt, none the less, as a true Star Wars fan since basically birth I had HIGH hopes that Disney learnt from their FIRST mistake and really gave fans what they wanted from farce awakens, great story, great characters, great action-adventure and some questionable dialogue! Cmon fans, we all know one of the guilty pleasures of a Star Wars film is how questionable and corny some of the lines are lol ANYWAY I went to see this, OBVIOUSLY excited is an understatement to see my childhood hero Luke Skywalker return! First 5 mins into it, I knew once again as a die hard Star Wars fan, the joke was clearly on me. First Poe defeats a star destroyer ON HIS OWN IN AN X-WING, pulling a handbrake turn in space and you actually hear TYRE SCREECHING sound effects!!!! Then when we meet everyone's favourite Jedi knight again he is basically an old jealous idiot version of himself. Ruin Johnson aka Ryan Johnson clearly hates Star Wars. Then there's the absolutely absurd infamous Mary Poppins bit, where a spaceship Leia is on BLOWS UP which would KILL ANY OTHER character yet she somehow doesn't play by LIFE'S rules or the rules of the force for that matter!! If the force protected you from outer space then why aren't Jedis and Siths just flying about in Space having lightsaber fights?!?! SO STUPID!!!! Then after we are fed the utter BS of Luke tried to kill kylo ren in his sleep because he is AFRAID of him?!?!? We get force ghost yoda visit him and physically HITS Luke.....wtf?!? Since when can force ghosts TOUCH People??!! They are GHOSTS!! Then ghost Yoda makes lightning strike a tree, since when did this become Harry Potter?!? Uuurgh, my blood pressure can't take much more of reliving this utter disgrace to Star Wars. Then there's the end battle, the PROFESSIONALS on set were so dedicated they even messed the choreography up, they had to REMOVE a weapon DIGITALLY from the fighting otherwise Rey would've been easily(and rightfully so) killed! No joke friends, look it up if you don't believe me! Needless to say after seeing this INSANE INSULT to Star Wars I refused to ever pay to watch another DISNEY Star Wars production. I refuse to watch the final film yet I was one of many people disappointed with the obi wan series. Such a shame, we need more mandalorian and films like rogue one! Anyway wishing you all the best and hope this review helps you save 2 and a half hours of your life you'll never get back!

Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (1984)

The one odd numbered film that is actually great!

[10/10 · 18 November 2022]

I seriously don't know what everyone's beef is with this little retro gem of a sci-fi/action/adventure?! Firstly I grew up watching the original tv series and the original films. My heart belongs to Star Wars through and through(except the insulting sequel rip off trilogy!) but I'm a big fan of Kirk and his crew and I always will be. We all know that Wrath of khan isn't just the BEST Trek film but also one of the BEST sci-fi movies of all time! So to follow that was already a HUGE daunting task, but over the years this film has proved that it is a great follow up to Khan. I personally see it as a part 2 to khan's part 1, they feel like one big movie if you watch them back to back. There's some truly EPIC Trek history happening in this adventure! SPOILERS! Kirk's son David being killed, the rebirth of Spock(obviously!), the destruction of the legendary enterprise, Bones and Spock bonding(literally!) KLINGONS finally as the bad guys with a great Christopher Lloyd performance as the leader!(he ruined a number of takes by shouting up to the sky "BRING ME UP!!!" Forgetting repeatedly to speak into his com-link as he was new to the Trek scene) lol, and finally learning some crazy Vulcan mythology stuff. And let's not forget the great "I.....have had.....enough of.... YOU!" It's a fun filled adventure that doesn't deserve the negativity it's associated with by being an odd numbered Trek film, I mean cmon, the first snooze fest film, the final frontier etc. They are lame films and deserve the bad rep! This film is great, and doesn't deserve the rep! It is fun for all the family especially on a rainy Saturday afternoon. If you're a fan of the original star treks then you should enjoy this film for what it is..... a lot of fun, if your not a fan of trek but enjoy some sci-fi/action/adventure, especially if your a fan of 80s movies, then check it out as I'm sure you'll enjoy it fir what it is. Watch Star Trek 2 Wrath of khan first tho!!! Ps Kirsty Allie is sorely missed reprising her role from khan. Hope this helped sway some to watch and others to give it another try, thanks for reading and live long and prosper.

The Batman (2022)

The Boreman

[1/10 · 5 March 2022]

So it's that time again,time to try a new take on one of the worlds favourite heros,Batman. I have been a life long Batman fan growing up watching re-runs of the classic yet corny Adam west tv show(WHAM! KA-POW!),reading many different comic books,played all the games and obviously seen every movie they've made,animated and live action. So to say I was ready to ridiculously enjoy this new dark,grittier take was a bit of an understatement. I,like many,was nervous about Robert Pattison's casting,but with the early shots of him in the suit looking good,I was actually more focused on how cool the suit was never mind who was in it! I loved how much it looked like a mash up of the suits from the brilliant Arkham games. Then the first trailer came out and I went nuts over how dark,gritty,gothic and violent it looked as many others of you fans out there also no doubt did. So a few of us saw it today and unfortunately as my friends agreed,this film does some things very well,but also some things not so well. First things first let's get the negatives out the way. The films biggest problem is for a Batman movie it takes itself far too seriously. It is trying to be so realistic that it's almost as if it sometimes forgets it's a Batman movie! There is a lot of the runtime where you will think your watching a dark serial killer thriller rather than a comic book adaptation. That is by no means a bad thing,but as a Batman fan it's not the best either. As a result there really isn't any real fun to be had from this incarnation. The other main big problem is the film is about an HOUR longer than it needed to be,and unfortunately most of you will end up asking yourself "is it nearly finished?". The Dark knight trilogy films were also long but the difference in those compared to this is that the time flies by with Nolan's movies whereas in this you feel almost every slow burning minute. Then there are the "action" scenes,it's a Batman film so bring it on! Thats where my head was at going into this,I mean even Batman vs Superman gave us one of the BEST Batman action sequences when he saves Supermans mum. You could tell with that action sequence that the makers all took inspiration from the Arkham games amazing combat system. All in all in this film, Zoe Kravitz steals the show in the action aspect of this film. Much of Batman's fighting is the usual boring punches and headbutts which left me very unsatisfied as a life long fan. Why does Batman not do martial arts anymore??The finale had a bit more "typical" Batman action in it but by that point nearly three hours in it all felt a bit too little too late. Ok so now onto the good points! The riddler and penguin STEAL the show!!Paul Dano and Colin Farrell are AMAZING in their portrayals! Robert doesn't really have much to work with due to the one tone script for his character. Zoe and the rest of the supporting cast all do well. The story and setting of this new "vision" is excellent,really nice approach but the overly long runtime ruins it. The production and costumes were all fantastic as you'd expect.

So a pretty mixed bag all in all,good attempt and they have definitely succeed in giving us a Batman movie like no other before. Lots of people are raving that it makes it a brilliant Batman film.....I seriously have to disagree. It is a good film no doubt,but I wouldn't call it a great Batman film at all. He could've just been wearing ANY vigilante costume and nothing would've really changed. I realised at about the hour mark that I was looking forward to it really getting started and then it hit me like a ton of bricks,I'm an hour into the new BATMAN movie and I'm STILL waiting for it to excite me,thrill me,kiss me,kill me! Sorry couldn't help myself with the bad pun there! It is entertaining but as a Batman fan I was quite let down by what this film could've been. I'm hoping the sequel will be better and much more polished,I really felt the film took itself too seriously trying to be so different that it got lost in its overly long,and sometimes boring runtime.

So to wrap it up,good attempt but will leave a lot of people bored and wondering what the overall point to the film was. The Dark knight trilogy STILL remains to be the best Batman films out there. I'd rather this one was a stand alone one-off film but as usual in Hollywood,they've already greenlit a sequel so all we can do is Hope that the next one is a bit more focussed and at least an hour shorter. Thanks for listening and sorry for rambling on a bit,did I mention the overly long runtime? Haha.

So until the next time, stay safe and healthy and may the force be with you all.

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

How does this have a 6.7 rating???!??

[1/10 · 2 August 2021]

What on earth is happening?! This film was beyond bad! It has NOTHING the original ghostbusters films offered! No fun, no hilarious witty humour, no scary monsters! I'm all for a female ghostbusters film as long as it's actually good tho! The humour, the humour in this is only present when Hemsworth is on screen. Don't get me wrong the dude is naturally funny and is the ONLY decent thing in this whole travesty! I appreciate that the cast, all from Saturday night live, are funny artists. However for some reason it just doesn't work here. The amount of times the camera is just left rolling in the Hope some funny improv happens is painful, painful for the fact none of it is funny. There were actually groans in the cinema! And then there's the writing, or lack of it should I say. Fine example, they test their highly dangerous weapons in a street ally, a bloody street ally ffs?!?????!!? Alas most of you already know how bad this film is but for those of you who don't and need a decent ghostbusters story.......play the ghostbusters game they did about 10 years back, written by Ramis and Ackroyd, voice acted by ALL FOUR original ghostbusters and damn fun to play. The original plan was to make the movie of the game but the passing of Ramis made the studio see dollar signs in the form of a complete reboot, even the legend Bill Murrey spoke out about his regret having any involvement with this heap of rubbish. I'm sorry but this insult to the originals should never have been made. Hope you found this helpful and I wish you all well. Until the next time.....may the force be with you.

Jungle Cruise (2021)

Jungle Cruise is here, is it the new Franchise Disney is hoping it to be?

[7/10 · 2 August 2021]

Probably yes. Jungle cruise is much of a crowd pleaser film. There is something for everyone, from Dwayne's funny play on word jokes(I have to admit I laughed at most of them, even the guilty pleasure ones!) to Emily Blunt's heroine mishaps, to Jack Whitehall's dry humour. For the first half an hour if your a real movie buff you will notice the uncanny resemblance to the first Mummy(1999). Very similar characters and Very similar story line. But I won't give anything away and even tho very similar, Jungle Cruise proves it is in fact it's own vehicle. It is a welcome return to the summer blockbuster genre, big, loud and most importantly, fun. I have no doubt there will be a sequel as this first adventure proves to be something worth watching. It does get a bit like Pirates, but again, I won't spoil anything. If you know what you like, and this looks like you're kinda thing then watch it as you probably won't be disappointed. Dwayne and Emily's chemistry again proves they knew what they were doing as it is a lot of fun watching the two play off one another. The film slows down a bit in the middle act but before you have time to complain, it roars back into the adventure and fun for the finale. A good fun time for all the family, unless you're looking to take it all seriously, in which case, as Logan would say....."you picked the wrong film bub!" Hope this has been helpful and wish you all the best. Until the next time.....May the force be with you.

Mortal Kombat (2021)

Did I watch the same film as these guys saying it's 10/10??!?

[2/10 · 24 April 2021]

I grew up with the original games and films,they were all fun(annihilation is c#*p but had a few good fights). I grew up on Bruce lee,Jackie Chan,Van Damme,etc films also so I'm a huge martial arts fan. Naturally films like this(about a supernatural fight tournament) should have my face hurting from grinning too much.....it REALLY didn't! I hate to report that this really is a HUGE let down! This is another case of ALL the best bits ARE in the trailer. The first 20 mins is pretty good,the first 10 mins are especially great! But it goes down hill FAST. The main character Cole is by far one of the LAMEST characters ever put in a film,zero likability,yet he's the main character?!!That in itself is insulting to the legendary characters of MK mythology. The fights are pretty boring apart from a few exceptions(basically fights with sub-zero and scorpion). The story,there really isn't one,I know this is a fight film but cmon at least try! There is no real build up to any fights,people just start fighting randomly and some are laughable! There is NO TOURNAMENT?!?NO JOHNNY CAGE?!?RAIDEN DOES NOTHING?!?Yet there are people claiming this is EXACTLY what MK fans want???! Dont be fooled,the less hyped you are for this film the more chance you have of liking any of it. The idea of the Cole Character was the worst idea ever,I still can't get over some of the DUMB moments with his character! No character development,he's boring and obvious at the start(I guessed exactly what would happen with him as it's painfully obvious) and just gets more annoying throughout. I won't give any spoilers just don't get excited for this film and maybe you'll enjoy some of it? One last thing,the 1995 film IS actually a more entertaining film. If you want a real fighting tournament film go watch Enter the Dragon or Bloodsport. Trust me I wanted to love this film,but the truth must be told,it's a waste of time and money and probably won't get a sequel due to how unprofessionally this was made. The script should NEVER have been green lit! Hell even a remake of the original film would've been better! Sorry to say REAL martial arts fans will see through this smoke screen of fancy effects and gore and see it's another wasted opportunity. Donnie Yen as Liu Kang, Scott Adkins as Johnny Cage and Jackie Chan as Raiden...already that's a better idea for a MK film. Last thing,it is SHAMEFUL what happens to the legendary Goro in this lame movie.