I was with this movie all the way to the total downer of a finale. The Magnolia type "disparate characters all connected" communist manifesto wind was absolute nonsense. Anna Faris was so likable as Jane and the movie really starts to pick up steam when she enlists the help of The Office's John Krasinski who plays against type as a mama's boy sci-fi geek. Unfortunately the movie slowly starts to fall to pieces from there, ending in a giant and unanswered question mark. It's hard to tell what the writer and/or director wanted to say or why they chose to get very serious at the end. Was the ending, which punishes the lovable pothead main character, meant also to punish the audience for siding with her? What choice did we have?
Reviews
80 Reviews
Nim's Island
(2008)
Foster's Film
27 August 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Somewhere in this silly mess is a great film about Jodie Foster's character an agoraphobic adventure story writer with delusional psychosis who overcomes her fears to come to the aid of an eleven year old girl alone on an island in the south pacific. Unfortunately the movie loses its way in trying to appeal to the Disney Channel movie crowd with flying lizards, cartoonish tourists and all too precocious animal friends.
The stupidity of the movie can be summed up by Nim's dialogue: "Whoa, did I do that?" (spoken when she knocks over a boulder and presumably sets off a small scale volcanic eruption) You can hear the slide whistle.
The stupidity of the movie can be summed up by Nim's dialogue: "Whoa, did I do that?" (spoken when she knocks over a boulder and presumably sets off a small scale volcanic eruption) You can hear the slide whistle.
Teeth
(I) (2007)
Ho Hum
5 August 2008
Vagina teeth? Sounds like fun. Too bad the story has no trajectory. What starts as a goofy riff on promise ring abstinence never congeals, jettisoning any interesting developments to play up an endless parade of "wolves in sheeps clothing" anti-feminist monsters to be chewed up by the killer vagina. It's hard to imagine a more uninteresting path this could have gone down. Too bad. If they had just continued with the abstinence/punishment angle a bit more they might have had something.
As is, it's just a gory bore.
Kudos to the lead who, at times, has a Winona Ryder appeal going on. And um... this ten lines of text thing is really ultra stupid.
As is, it's just a gory bore.
Kudos to the lead who, at times, has a Winona Ryder appeal going on. And um... this ten lines of text thing is really ultra stupid.
Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
(2008 Video)
Wildly inventive
10 June 2008
Warning: Spoilers
If Billion Backs doesn't quite hit the high watermark of the series' best episodes, it certainly settles into a hilarious above average groove, spurning the shippers and embracing the series' light affable charm. While some gags (like the "superman" one) fall like lead balloons, there are so many good moments (including a bevy of fine "mourning" jokes) it's hard to fault the film its few missteps.
For those that thought Bender's Big Score gave the short shrift to the ancillary characters in favor of a Fry/Leela/Bender story, you will be glad to know that Billion Backs is more of an ensemble piece with humor coming more from the characters than the plot and does not get bogged down in the show's labyrinthine mythology nor overly obsessed with callbacks to the series -though familiarity with this universe is essential to enjoyment still.
Without spoiling the plot, which follows-up on the finale of Big Score, I need to mention how wildly inventive the A story is. What at first seems like something you've seen before in a million bad sci-fi movies gets a hugely rewarding, hugely surprising plot twist. While the trailers may have given away the gist of it, what the film does to follow up on it, is absolutely deranged. If only the Bender B-story was as fresh and interesting.
Billion Backs feels less like a fully realized film than Bender's Big Score did, and maybe that works in its favor. In spite of the epic nature of its finale, the film never really creates feelings of peril and lacks the dramatic punch of Big Score but instead delivers more shots to the funny bone.
To quote Phillip J Fry: "Woah. It kinda takes your breath away." (Oxygen System Failure)
For those that thought Bender's Big Score gave the short shrift to the ancillary characters in favor of a Fry/Leela/Bender story, you will be glad to know that Billion Backs is more of an ensemble piece with humor coming more from the characters than the plot and does not get bogged down in the show's labyrinthine mythology nor overly obsessed with callbacks to the series -though familiarity with this universe is essential to enjoyment still.
Without spoiling the plot, which follows-up on the finale of Big Score, I need to mention how wildly inventive the A story is. What at first seems like something you've seen before in a million bad sci-fi movies gets a hugely rewarding, hugely surprising plot twist. While the trailers may have given away the gist of it, what the film does to follow up on it, is absolutely deranged. If only the Bender B-story was as fresh and interesting.
Billion Backs feels less like a fully realized film than Bender's Big Score did, and maybe that works in its favor. In spite of the epic nature of its finale, the film never really creates feelings of peril and lacks the dramatic punch of Big Score but instead delivers more shots to the funny bone.
To quote Phillip J Fry: "Woah. It kinda takes your breath away." (Oxygen System Failure)
Fool's Gold
(I) (2008)
Mildly Entertaining
31 May 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I enjoy Matthew McConaughey on screen. He takes the most ludicrous scenes and slows them down to his pace until they almost feel natural. Sadly he loses the beat in the madcap Fool's Gold, even with his rock Kate Hudson to play against. Perhaps its the endless parade of cartoonish goon fodder, or perhaps its the overstuffed, over cooked cast of clowns, but they all go down with this ship of fools.
I like Hudson's acting here. It's physical. I like the way she responds to seeing Ben on deck dining with the Honeycuts. I like how she kicks her legs and pouts after tripping over a gravestone. The movie gets their chemistry right, and it doesn't play the will they won't they game the way you might expect it to be played. It's almost a foregone conclusion that they will, and the movie builds to that obvious moment by uniting the characters mostly by their love of treasure.
I also thought Donald Sutherland gave a decent showing here, and there was some unexpected heart in the scenes between him and his estranged tabloid exposed daughter.
As usual, its tempting to take this as one great chunk to digest, but between all the pretty people, and all the vomit-inducing accents, it's sort of a moment-by-moment film.
I like Hudson's acting here. It's physical. I like the way she responds to seeing Ben on deck dining with the Honeycuts. I like how she kicks her legs and pouts after tripping over a gravestone. The movie gets their chemistry right, and it doesn't play the will they won't they game the way you might expect it to be played. It's almost a foregone conclusion that they will, and the movie builds to that obvious moment by uniting the characters mostly by their love of treasure.
I also thought Donald Sutherland gave a decent showing here, and there was some unexpected heart in the scenes between him and his estranged tabloid exposed daughter.
As usual, its tempting to take this as one great chunk to digest, but between all the pretty people, and all the vomit-inducing accents, it's sort of a moment-by-moment film.
Awake
(2007)
A huge missed opportunity.
18 February 2008
Warning: Spoilers
The premise of a patient overhearing talk of a conspiracy against his life while under anesthetic is gangbusters, but the filmmakers absolutely miss the point.
What starts as taut thriller, ends up just sort of giving away all its secrets at once. If there had been some tiny bit of suspense leading to the finale it would have been excellent. It's a very patient film, I just wish that there had been more to it.
What should have happened: Clay should have awoken with a heart he was convinced had been rigged to fail, it should have made you guess whether it was just a fever dream or reality. The movie does not toy with you at all, it just tells you everything all at once.
Jessica Alba is as watchable as ever though.
What starts as taut thriller, ends up just sort of giving away all its secrets at once. If there had been some tiny bit of suspense leading to the finale it would have been excellent. It's a very patient film, I just wish that there had been more to it.
What should have happened: Clay should have awoken with a heart he was convinced had been rigged to fail, it should have made you guess whether it was just a fever dream or reality. The movie does not toy with you at all, it just tells you everything all at once.
Jessica Alba is as watchable as ever though.
Waitress
(2007)
Joe is right.
2 December 2007
Jenna, the titular waitress of the film doesn't know what she is --The Center of the Universe.
All pies revolve around her warm glow and in it they bake into the gamut of human emotions. What's so much fun in this unsunny portrait of people settling for various degrees of happy, is that the pretensions are gone. No one goose steps around Jenna's louse of a husband or Dawn's she-could-do-better beau. It's all out in the open like laundry hung to dry. Even the secrets they keep are less surprising than they are inevitable.
Jenna's dour disposition is just the first layer of a multi layered pie -making the final sweet bite all the more satisfying.
By the end of the movie you'll be wishing you had a friend like her -or you'll be checking your friends to see if you might already have one.
All pies revolve around her warm glow and in it they bake into the gamut of human emotions. What's so much fun in this unsunny portrait of people settling for various degrees of happy, is that the pretensions are gone. No one goose steps around Jenna's louse of a husband or Dawn's she-could-do-better beau. It's all out in the open like laundry hung to dry. Even the secrets they keep are less surprising than they are inevitable.
Jenna's dour disposition is just the first layer of a multi layered pie -making the final sweet bite all the more satisfying.
By the end of the movie you'll be wishing you had a friend like her -or you'll be checking your friends to see if you might already have one.
Futurama: Bender's Big Score
(2007 Video)
Bender Scores Big.
28 November 2007
The first of four Futrama DVDs gets a lot of things right. First of all it remembers why people liked the show in the first place from the oddball space aliens to the shipping romance (kind of an awesome pun for a show about international delivery agents) to the geektastic sci-fi humor and low brow slapstick. It's got everything, again. Only problem is, it's just not up to the series' admittedly high standards. It certainly hits more than misses though and repeat viewings reward with humour you may have missed or not fully been prepared for the first time around.
The plot is hilariously complicated featuring Nudist Spamming Alien Invaders, Time Travel Hijinx and the convoluted relationships between stupid men and the women they love.
Though the box features Bender prominently- our favorite Bending Latino Hearthrob plays second fiddle to a Fry/Leela romance love triangle that comes to a satisfying conclusion. There are so many returning characters from the series' run that very few of them have time to get comfortable before they are whisked away and only a handful have time to actually be funny (though far too many of them bomb) Its actually the little moments that get the biggest laughs.
It's good to have the crew of Planet Express back, even if our second date wasn't quite as hot as our first one.
The plot is hilariously complicated featuring Nudist Spamming Alien Invaders, Time Travel Hijinx and the convoluted relationships between stupid men and the women they love.
Though the box features Bender prominently- our favorite Bending Latino Hearthrob plays second fiddle to a Fry/Leela romance love triangle that comes to a satisfying conclusion. There are so many returning characters from the series' run that very few of them have time to get comfortable before they are whisked away and only a handful have time to actually be funny (though far too many of them bomb) Its actually the little moments that get the biggest laughs.
It's good to have the crew of Planet Express back, even if our second date wasn't quite as hot as our first one.
No Country for Old Men
(2007)
Socks for Christmas
28 November 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Or Kissing your Cousin. Use whichever cliché best describes the final thirty minutes of this film. Some of the most deflating and frustrating minutes you will have on this earth. But let's start at the beginning so you understand why.
No Country for Old Men is Set-up as a taut, B-movie thriller with a mad man on the loose trying to track down his stolen money from a guy way in over his head. The killer Cigurgh even has a gimmicky way of getting into people's houses and a cool gun. That it aspires to so much more in its first 3/4 is a true testament to the style and wit the Coens display when they get behind a project. The problem is that the excitement and promise of a final showdown is put aside literally in order to make some points about world weariness. According to a friend who read the original book -that's how the novel ended too. Yet after watching the mind-blowingly awesome set-up, you wish the Coens would have realized what their movie needed and not what the novel demanded they do. Because it wasn't just a matter of choosing the ending, the problem lies in how it was executed and how they integrated switching narrative perspectives.
What starts as a thriller eventually becomes a campfire story about the boogeyman and the people too tired and too world weary to stop him.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. But there are far worse things to be than daring and ambitious. And nothing the movie does wrong is a deal breaker. I still recommend it.
No one but the Coens can make a candy wrapper look so menacing.
No Country for Old Men is Set-up as a taut, B-movie thriller with a mad man on the loose trying to track down his stolen money from a guy way in over his head. The killer Cigurgh even has a gimmicky way of getting into people's houses and a cool gun. That it aspires to so much more in its first 3/4 is a true testament to the style and wit the Coens display when they get behind a project. The problem is that the excitement and promise of a final showdown is put aside literally in order to make some points about world weariness. According to a friend who read the original book -that's how the novel ended too. Yet after watching the mind-blowingly awesome set-up, you wish the Coens would have realized what their movie needed and not what the novel demanded they do. Because it wasn't just a matter of choosing the ending, the problem lies in how it was executed and how they integrated switching narrative perspectives.
What starts as a thriller eventually becomes a campfire story about the boogeyman and the people too tired and too world weary to stop him.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. But there are far worse things to be than daring and ambitious. And nothing the movie does wrong is a deal breaker. I still recommend it.
No one but the Coens can make a candy wrapper look so menacing.
Saw IV
(2007)
Pulp Serial
26 October 2007
Let's just call it what it is. The SAW series has become a comic book serial. Each movie adds new twists to lengthen, but not necessarily deepen, the overall story. This time out, they left me hanging (pardon the pun) so to speak. The intersecting timelines that were so surprising the first time around were more confusing than shocking. Also the motivations of Jigsaw were much less righteous, if that term can be applied, than in previous games. I half expect Saw V to put a person through a test because he didn't help Little Johnny with his homework and instead watched The World Series of Poker.
As far as traps go, this was the least cringe-worthy of the bunch, even if they were brutal and inventive. More important than that was the back story, which finally built the John Kramer character from the ground up and put us in his creepy head (both literally and figuratively). By the time you've survived the latest game, you'll be left wondering if there is an end game or if all the cards have been played.
I think the serial nature of these movies is fresh, but the latest installment, stretches the premise about as far as it can go. It's a miracle it doesn't snap and fall in on itself.
As far as traps go, this was the least cringe-worthy of the bunch, even if they were brutal and inventive. More important than that was the back story, which finally built the John Kramer character from the ground up and put us in his creepy head (both literally and figuratively). By the time you've survived the latest game, you'll be left wondering if there is an end game or if all the cards have been played.
I think the serial nature of these movies is fresh, but the latest installment, stretches the premise about as far as it can go. It's a miracle it doesn't snap and fall in on itself.
Inland Empire
(2006)
A bit Different
19 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I imagine David Lynch makes some great home movies for his family. A trip to Disneyland becomes a disjointed nightmarish journey into the subconscious in which his wife is replaced by a tire salesman and his kids become gruesome specters that never materialize but are talked about in the third person by the REAL family that's on vacation, which we see only as dolls in a store window.
Actually I don't know if Lynch is married with kids... I don't care. Inland Empire is he and Laura Dern's home movie. It's filmed with boyish geeky glee on DV and it's built like the barely remembered details of a dream of a really cool story.
I never much cared for Lost Highway, and the fractured dream nature of this story reminds me of it in the worst ways. All that being said, I found myself utterly engrossed by the combination of sights and sounds. Lynch is an artist who demands attention on screen. That hasn't changed, but just scan through the hundreds of reviews that deride a person for not understanding his narrative intent, they are all different interpretations!!
The problem being, that the movie is an afterthought to the trip. And the trip is always to the same place.
Actually I don't know if Lynch is married with kids... I don't care. Inland Empire is he and Laura Dern's home movie. It's filmed with boyish geeky glee on DV and it's built like the barely remembered details of a dream of a really cool story.
I never much cared for Lost Highway, and the fractured dream nature of this story reminds me of it in the worst ways. All that being said, I found myself utterly engrossed by the combination of sights and sounds. Lynch is an artist who demands attention on screen. That hasn't changed, but just scan through the hundreds of reviews that deride a person for not understanding his narrative intent, they are all different interpretations!!
The problem being, that the movie is an afterthought to the trip. And the trip is always to the same place.
Halloween
(2007)
Brutal Vision
1 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
There are a lot of people out there claiming this was made for the teen audience who eats up slashers like popcorn chicken lately. But I saw it with those teens and they came in wanting an easy film that they could laugh at, and what they got was a disturbing, brutal film that stays uncomfortably with Michael Myers during every perverse and psychopathic moment. There was very little laughter and most of the time it was uncomfortable.
Zombie gives us a more fleshed out version of Michael's childhood. But if you think he's making excuses for the monster the boy will become, you're wrong. If you pay attention you'll find Dr. Loomis saying that Michael is a perfect storm of outward and inward circumstances. Every monster is someone. Hitler was a boy eating soup and playing with a dog at one point. It is that innocence that lingers in our peripheral vision which is so scary. In a world of child soldiers and gun toting high schoolers, THAT is the update to the mythos.
While I found the movie frightening, I do think it lacks the atmosphere of dread that was so ever present in the original. It's always clear where Myers is coming from and there is little chance to invite the audience to scream at the screen. Perhaps that's a good thing?
As stated earlier, Zombie's Myers himself is ever present. He doesn't waste any time in his killing, except for an unfortunate rip from the original in which he playfully wears a sheet to spook a girl. Zombie's Myers, relishes in the spectacle of death but he does not get overtly creative which may also have been a let down to SAW fans. Some of the deaths are so cold- blooded they gave me a chill, like when Myers' ever so slowly pulls back a girls neck until it pops and she slips down dead. That fragility, the fragility of the human body and the transience of life, is something the movie gets orgasmically right. Halloween or not.
The gore isn't mindless in my opinion. I think it's very deliberate. I think a lot of Zombie's thoughts went into how to make the gore tasteful and impactive. He doesn't show you nearly as much as some people are intimating. He does in fact show a great deal of restrain and sleight of hand in choosing what to show and what to suggest in his scenes.
The choice of making Myers' 6'8" of pro wrestling strength seems an odd one, especially since his early looks seem aped from WWE wrestler Kane... but when you see the physicality of his kills you'll understand why the choice was made.
Zombie gives us a more fleshed out version of Michael's childhood. But if you think he's making excuses for the monster the boy will become, you're wrong. If you pay attention you'll find Dr. Loomis saying that Michael is a perfect storm of outward and inward circumstances. Every monster is someone. Hitler was a boy eating soup and playing with a dog at one point. It is that innocence that lingers in our peripheral vision which is so scary. In a world of child soldiers and gun toting high schoolers, THAT is the update to the mythos.
While I found the movie frightening, I do think it lacks the atmosphere of dread that was so ever present in the original. It's always clear where Myers is coming from and there is little chance to invite the audience to scream at the screen. Perhaps that's a good thing?
As stated earlier, Zombie's Myers himself is ever present. He doesn't waste any time in his killing, except for an unfortunate rip from the original in which he playfully wears a sheet to spook a girl. Zombie's Myers, relishes in the spectacle of death but he does not get overtly creative which may also have been a let down to SAW fans. Some of the deaths are so cold- blooded they gave me a chill, like when Myers' ever so slowly pulls back a girls neck until it pops and she slips down dead. That fragility, the fragility of the human body and the transience of life, is something the movie gets orgasmically right. Halloween or not.
The gore isn't mindless in my opinion. I think it's very deliberate. I think a lot of Zombie's thoughts went into how to make the gore tasteful and impactive. He doesn't show you nearly as much as some people are intimating. He does in fact show a great deal of restrain and sleight of hand in choosing what to show and what to suggest in his scenes.
The choice of making Myers' 6'8" of pro wrestling strength seems an odd one, especially since his early looks seem aped from WWE wrestler Kane... but when you see the physicality of his kills you'll understand why the choice was made.
The Simpsons Movie
(2007)
A Homer with Bases Loaded.
27 July 2007
Just about everything I could have hoped for from a Simpsons movie including the heart the show has been lacking for several seasons now. If you like the easy breathing pace of the early years of The Simpsons you'll find a lot to like in the movie. The gags are leisurely and natural and even when they fail (Comic Book Guy comes to mind), another drops in to pick up the laugh. What's most surprising, in addition to a much needed return to consistent characters, is that the movie manages to balance the plot and the gags with near perfection. Regardless what you may think going in, it does feel like a "real" movie from beginning to end and not just an extended show. Albert Brooks once again steals the show as the Director of the EPA, though Tom Hanks does the best celebrity cameo the show has seen in ages. "tousle my hair Mr. Hanks!"
Bad Girls from Valley High
(2005)
Terrible
30 June 2007
Put this in the same category as "Death to Smoochy" a movie about characters that are incapable of eliciting audience sympathy both the good guys and the bad guys alike. Everyone is wasted in this, and the prat falls of Chris Lloyd are below Disney Channel standards. The actress who plays Katarina, though nice to look at, is just a confusing and ugly mess of traits that seem arbitrary and wholly unrealistic. This smacks of a cheap Mean Girls cash in, but where Mean Girls had a heart this has a gaping black hole.
Not a likable or intriguing character among the bunch. Just absolutely terrible. The twist is obvious from the outset, and the ending is beyond cruel given the tone of the film prior to it.
Just an embarrassing mess.
Not a likable or intriguing character among the bunch. Just absolutely terrible. The twist is obvious from the outset, and the ending is beyond cruel given the tone of the film prior to it.
Just an embarrassing mess.
Blows it in the End
24 June 2007
Warning: Spoilers
You're in the middle of some damn passionate love making, your partner is almost there and then... nothing. That's Behind the Mask for ya.
A brilliant little set-up that fizzles out under the guise of being clever but is really just a failed attempt to circumvent the only ending that would have really worked. No, Mr. Writer/ Director you can't have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't work. So, what am I talking about?
Well, as you've no doubt read, the movie is about a documentary film crew that follows around the up and coming slasher superstar Leslie Vernon as he plans to build his grand legacy on All Hallow's Eve. Hilarious he takes us out of the house, shows us all the preparation that goes into his craft, and even introduces us to a mentor of his, whose wife was actually once targeted as a victim. Leslie's humorous insider tips, and giddy school boy excitement carry the film breezily through what would be an otherwise impossible script. I mean, if you were a documentary crew and you were filming Leslie as he plans out a mass killing would that not raise any alarms in you?
So, stop reading if you don't want to know how they blew it.
OK? They set off the alarm. The last quarter of the film devolves into a meta horror flick similar to Scream, except the characters are far less witty and far stupider. The moment the girl decides to go back to the house things get lame. Instead of continuing the manic energy built up in the first 2/3 the movie takes the obvious way out and tries to throw a silly twist and an homage to classic horror. As a slasher pic, it's not that good. As a send up of a slasher pic it's gold. Can I suggest turning it off before the finale?
A brilliant little set-up that fizzles out under the guise of being clever but is really just a failed attempt to circumvent the only ending that would have really worked. No, Mr. Writer/ Director you can't have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't work. So, what am I talking about?
Well, as you've no doubt read, the movie is about a documentary film crew that follows around the up and coming slasher superstar Leslie Vernon as he plans to build his grand legacy on All Hallow's Eve. Hilarious he takes us out of the house, shows us all the preparation that goes into his craft, and even introduces us to a mentor of his, whose wife was actually once targeted as a victim. Leslie's humorous insider tips, and giddy school boy excitement carry the film breezily through what would be an otherwise impossible script. I mean, if you were a documentary crew and you were filming Leslie as he plans out a mass killing would that not raise any alarms in you?
So, stop reading if you don't want to know how they blew it.
OK? They set off the alarm. The last quarter of the film devolves into a meta horror flick similar to Scream, except the characters are far less witty and far stupider. The moment the girl decides to go back to the house things get lame. Instead of continuing the manic energy built up in the first 2/3 the movie takes the obvious way out and tries to throw a silly twist and an homage to classic horror. As a slasher pic, it's not that good. As a send up of a slasher pic it's gold. Can I suggest turning it off before the finale?
The Fountain
(2006)
Ever been in Love?
27 May 2007
Critically drubbed and a commercial flop, The Fountain, is lining up behind 2001: A Space Odyssey as the most misunderstood film of its era. What's so fascinating is that if you've ever been in love with someone other than yourself, the movie makes total sense. My wife and I watched it only once and that was enough. Despite what some are saying I don't think this needs multiple viewings. It stirs powerful emotions with just about every frame, and lays out a logical visual narrative that reaches a beautiful conclusion. The "story" may take longer to process, but its rather inconsequential and in some cases left up to interpretation. What's important here is watching with your heart exposed. Not ground breaking by any means, but still an irreplaceable experience.
Ugh...
2 December 2006
This is ham-fisted schlock. I appreciate the work that went into gathering the stories, but there's such a loose connection between segments and the crescendos are weak. As a documentary it fails because it doesn't document much of anything but lame "American Values Under Attack" sentimentality. The environmental portion is especially weak. If you go to a gun fight with rubber bullets you better have a shiny star on your vest to blind your opponent. This movie has no such star.
The end is especially terrible. Whoever did the music needs to learn some motherbumping restraint.
What else can I say to fill 10 lines of text. The director clearly put less than that into his film. Should I be expected to put more into my comments?
OK... Stay away from this movie.
The end is especially terrible. Whoever did the music needs to learn some motherbumping restraint.
What else can I say to fill 10 lines of text. The director clearly put less than that into his film. Should I be expected to put more into my comments?
OK... Stay away from this movie.
Saw III
(2006)
Good Help is Hard To Find
2 November 2006
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS
The third installment in the SAW series finds everyone's favorite unsolicited life guru Jigsaw struggling with his new help, Amanda. You see, Amanda, whom we see in Flashback dedicating herself completely to Jigsaw after having survived his games (from Saw I), isn't entirely in tune with Jiggy's altruistic vision. You see, she keeps setting up the games to be unwinnable. Bummer, that. Saw III is basically one really long (and bloody) employee evaluation that sadly, she fails.
The tricky thing about Saw III is that it's trick is less obvious. The twist is not so much a revelation as a culmination. Many people are left wondering why so much of the movie is spent dwelling on the past two episodes but if you're paying attention you'll figure this out easily. Every SAW film has told the story of the players in the game through Flashback. What at first glance appears to be "Saw: Behind the Mayhem" turns out to be the most important clues to why Amanda was chosen for this particular game.
The death traps this time out are as inspired as the first two, though probably a bit too elaborate for a deadly duo to construct. The Rack is especially stretching it (pun intended). However, the movie is smart in that it shows us that Jeff has enough time to save these unfortunate souls before that clock ticks down, but he's too focused on who these people are to keep his wits about him.
While the plot holes are numerous and gaping, the story keep moving briskly forward, leaving little time to dwell on the questions that afterward plague the brain. Like: How did Jigsaw know Jeff wouldn't die grabbing the key? How did he know that the other dude would? What is his plan B?
I think people who liked the first two movies will come around to this one eventually. It's got gore, surprises, and it's brings Amanda & Jigsaw's story to a logical conclusion.
The third installment in the SAW series finds everyone's favorite unsolicited life guru Jigsaw struggling with his new help, Amanda. You see, Amanda, whom we see in Flashback dedicating herself completely to Jigsaw after having survived his games (from Saw I), isn't entirely in tune with Jiggy's altruistic vision. You see, she keeps setting up the games to be unwinnable. Bummer, that. Saw III is basically one really long (and bloody) employee evaluation that sadly, she fails.
The tricky thing about Saw III is that it's trick is less obvious. The twist is not so much a revelation as a culmination. Many people are left wondering why so much of the movie is spent dwelling on the past two episodes but if you're paying attention you'll figure this out easily. Every SAW film has told the story of the players in the game through Flashback. What at first glance appears to be "Saw: Behind the Mayhem" turns out to be the most important clues to why Amanda was chosen for this particular game.
The death traps this time out are as inspired as the first two, though probably a bit too elaborate for a deadly duo to construct. The Rack is especially stretching it (pun intended). However, the movie is smart in that it shows us that Jeff has enough time to save these unfortunate souls before that clock ticks down, but he's too focused on who these people are to keep his wits about him.
While the plot holes are numerous and gaping, the story keep moving briskly forward, leaving little time to dwell on the questions that afterward plague the brain. Like: How did Jigsaw know Jeff wouldn't die grabbing the key? How did he know that the other dude would? What is his plan B?
I think people who liked the first two movies will come around to this one eventually. It's got gore, surprises, and it's brings Amanda & Jigsaw's story to a logical conclusion.
The Black Dahlia
(2006)
I Don't Get It, But I Kinda Enjoyed it
30 September 2006
Hey you John or Jane Movie goer. Stay out of the Cinemas for a few weeks while we clear out the stink of Brian De Palma's unfortunate turd "The Black Dhalia". If you saw the commercials you're probably expecting a sexy police procedural ABOUT the Black Dhalia's murder in the NOIR genre. Well, there's about twenty minutes about the Black Dhalia murders. The rest is about a goofy incomprehensible love quadrangle between Josh Hartnett (again, playing a cop... maybe he should just go be a cop?), Aaron Eckhardt (who is the most Noirish squarejaw of the bunch,) Scarlett Johansson (who seems to have had the ability to act squeezed out of her under the weight of all these big paychecks,) and a miscast Hilary Swank playing femme fatale. It's OK, laugh it out, I know it's hilarious.
When the film is about its plot, it's an undercooked goose. When it's about the act of film-making. It's kind of exciting. The opening is great if only for one of those dizzying De Palma long, wandering shots (think Snake Eyes). Granted I know nothing about film, but this one kept making me sit up and pay attention. Which is also its greatest shortcoming, because every time I did I was disappointed by what was happening. I really liked the actress who played the Dhalia in the lesbian films. How exactly was Hilary Swank her double??
OK. Long story short. The audience was howling at this ludicrous piece of winking pseudo parody but it wasn't supposed to be funny that way. It was supposed to be funny for film professors but nothing that would make them laugh out loud. Maybe the rest of us can get clued in when it gets to DVD with commentary.
When the film is about its plot, it's an undercooked goose. When it's about the act of film-making. It's kind of exciting. The opening is great if only for one of those dizzying De Palma long, wandering shots (think Snake Eyes). Granted I know nothing about film, but this one kept making me sit up and pay attention. Which is also its greatest shortcoming, because every time I did I was disappointed by what was happening. I really liked the actress who played the Dhalia in the lesbian films. How exactly was Hilary Swank her double??
OK. Long story short. The audience was howling at this ludicrous piece of winking pseudo parody but it wasn't supposed to be funny that way. It was supposed to be funny for film professors but nothing that would make them laugh out loud. Maybe the rest of us can get clued in when it gets to DVD with commentary.
Knock Off
(1998)
An Accidental Classic
22 August 2006
After having "Snakes on a Plane" remind me what a cult classic is supposed to be (which Snakes did by not being one) I wanted to re-visit a true classic, of the accidental variety. I believe Tsui Hark set out to film a fun, action adventure but it's tough to believe that he knew going in how hilariously wrong he'd get it. From the ridiculous plot about counterfeit jeans, to the wildly surreal green explosions and the leaping frogs that accompany them, to Paul Sorvino's now classic delivery of now classic lines Knock Off has everything a cynical, sarcastic snark wants in a GOOD BAD FLICK.
Knock Off has THE BEST death scene ever put to film. Which involves a rocket. And, I can't in good conscience spoil it for you, but it's hilarious. It also has camera angles that give Sam Raimi a run for his Quick & The Dead money (from inside a shoe!?). It also has the much beloved Rob Schneider whips Van Damm's a$$ with a live eel scene. This is pure trashy joy from the first scene which has exploding baby dolls, to the bizarre dialogue snippets that precede the awful awful theme song.
This is required viewing for high schoolers, college parties and anyone who likes watching film disasters. You owe it to yourself to see it.
Knock Off has THE BEST death scene ever put to film. Which involves a rocket. And, I can't in good conscience spoil it for you, but it's hilarious. It also has camera angles that give Sam Raimi a run for his Quick & The Dead money (from inside a shoe!?). It also has the much beloved Rob Schneider whips Van Damm's a$$ with a live eel scene. This is pure trashy joy from the first scene which has exploding baby dolls, to the bizarre dialogue snippets that precede the awful awful theme song.
This is required viewing for high schoolers, college parties and anyone who likes watching film disasters. You owe it to yourself to see it.
Snakes on a Plane
(2006)
An Event you'll Remember, A Movie You'd Rather Forget
20 August 2006
The best review of the film portion of this movie is from the Onion AV Club. It sums up Sam Jackson's performance as "done on his lunchbreak while filming a lesser degrading film". And yet, he's the best dang part of the whole thing. What this movie needed was more of him vs. the Snakes which never reaches the insanity of a "Dead Alive" and instead fizzles out in one of the lamer endings in recent cinemadom. You get snakes, on a plane. And some great B- horror moments that'll make you laugh, but this is not a cult classic. Despite people's want for a cult classic here, it's far too normal for that. Instead check out the aforementioned "Dead alive" (aka Brain Dead) or Tsui Hark's hilariously straight "Knock Off" with Van Damm & Rob Schneider. THOSE were bad good flicks this is one is just ho-hum.
On the other hand, the audience is hot for Snakes. As stephanie from salon.com says, if you're going to see Snakes, do so now with the packed evening screenings. People throwing rubber snakes, reciting sam's line and making hissing noises throughout makes for theme park ride levels of fun.
On the other hand, the audience is hot for Snakes. As stephanie from salon.com says, if you're going to see Snakes, do so now with the packed evening screenings. People throwing rubber snakes, reciting sam's line and making hissing noises throughout makes for theme park ride levels of fun.
Lady in the Water
(2006)
Unmitigated Disaster
25 July 2006
I'm not sure what could have saved "Lady in the Water" from itself, short of M.Night having a stroke and seeing the light. It's a visually stunning, charming film that drowns under the weight of a terribly inconsequential plot and an ego that needs to make grand sweeping points. It was not lost on me that the not-so-hidden agenda of the film is to make fun of the audience and our Hollywood expectations. The film starts with Paul Giamatti smashing a "hairy thing" with a broom, sharply jabbing the screen (seen from our perspective). It goes on to add a film critic to be ridiculed and finally killed in a demeaning manner. To be honest, alone, this part was a chuckle, but with Night casting himself as a writer whose important work will only be understood long after his death and enough exposition to fill the next Star Wars trilogy, everything gets obnoxious fast. The final scene is beautiful, yes. But it's also lame. Even as I understand the point was to make the audience walk out shaking their heads to prove M.Night right "yes, we've lost our innocence", he could have done something far more altruistic and made a film that made us believe in faery tales again, without the cloy message and self referential bullspit. A real crying shame.
X-Men: The Last Stand
(2006)
Honestly, A Waste of Time
31 May 2006
You know what, Ellen Page was great as Kitty Pryde. And the scene with her and Juggernaut was fun in a way most of this film wasn't. I also liked the Angel character's introduction. Something the other X Movies gave us in abundance. What else was good? Ian Mckellan as Magneto. And the set-up was fantastic. What's that 15 minutes of the movie? Beast was decently realized, but he ate up screen time without adding much to the film.
The bad... everything else. Action scenes lacked smarts. The clockwork showdown between Pyro & Iceman, against all logic, fizzled out due to lack of breathing room. Especially ill conceived was the decision to have the "Good vs. Evil"-which-color-will-win battle? Who asked for more Halle Berry as Storm?? While her acting isn't as unbearable as the last two films, her role in the story is so small, that devoting so much screen time to her seems like a braindead move. Also braindead? Including the Dark Phoenix. That's a second trilogy right there. It's just too much too soon. And there's already a perfectly good story built into The Last Stand: The cure. That brings things full circle.
Folks, I wouldn't be so harsh if there hadn't been a great set-up. This is still decent Summer Popcorn movie fare. The point is, the first two movies were so much more. The Last Stand is like a carefully planted garden that was just starting to sprout, when someone decided to build a hotdog stand on the spot. You may like hotdogs, but they won't quench your soul.
The bad... everything else. Action scenes lacked smarts. The clockwork showdown between Pyro & Iceman, against all logic, fizzled out due to lack of breathing room. Especially ill conceived was the decision to have the "Good vs. Evil"-which-color-will-win battle? Who asked for more Halle Berry as Storm?? While her acting isn't as unbearable as the last two films, her role in the story is so small, that devoting so much screen time to her seems like a braindead move. Also braindead? Including the Dark Phoenix. That's a second trilogy right there. It's just too much too soon. And there's already a perfectly good story built into The Last Stand: The cure. That brings things full circle.
Folks, I wouldn't be so harsh if there hadn't been a great set-up. This is still decent Summer Popcorn movie fare. The point is, the first two movies were so much more. The Last Stand is like a carefully planted garden that was just starting to sprout, when someone decided to build a hotdog stand on the spot. You may like hotdogs, but they won't quench your soul.
Silent Hill
(2006)
That Silence you Hear, is Laughter
29 April 2006
What to make of this odd big-little film. It's clearly a Lynchian nightmare-scape, but it offers one too many clues to its unraveling in some of the most boring exposition put to film ever. Like DOOM, it makes the unappealing choice of translating the game to the big screen literally, even lifting camera angles, a startling sense of geography, a sequence of controller directions and more than 45 minutes of running and opening/trying to open drawers, doors and bathroom stalls. In that way, it's like nothing I've ever seen before. Not a good thing, because it's absolutely unnecessary as is the Husband's story, which eats up about a half hour too and reveals nothing we couldn't have assumed from Rose's story.
The positive side is that it's beautiful and atmospheric in an almost masochistic way. The demons are to die for, the locales are devilishly delightful and the story is an interesting one (albeit told in a bland way).
Sadly, it's just too unintentionally hilarious too often, and it really ruins the experience (unless of course you came for a good belly laugh or two). Of particular note is the frequent uttering of "Everything will be OK" at two of the most inopportune times ever. Now, maybe on paper, this was supposed to sound like "denial" but on film, the actress and director play the lines straight, which just hurts. I wish Silent Hill was a better film, because all the workings were there. But as is, it's going to be more of a curiosity than a classic. Much like "The Brotherhood of the Wolf" Gans has yet to make me care about his movies as anything more than abstract art.
The positive side is that it's beautiful and atmospheric in an almost masochistic way. The demons are to die for, the locales are devilishly delightful and the story is an interesting one (albeit told in a bland way).
Sadly, it's just too unintentionally hilarious too often, and it really ruins the experience (unless of course you came for a good belly laugh or two). Of particular note is the frequent uttering of "Everything will be OK" at two of the most inopportune times ever. Now, maybe on paper, this was supposed to sound like "denial" but on film, the actress and director play the lines straight, which just hurts. I wish Silent Hill was a better film, because all the workings were there. But as is, it's going to be more of a curiosity than a classic. Much like "The Brotherhood of the Wolf" Gans has yet to make me care about his movies as anything more than abstract art.
Team America: World Police
(2004)
Cracked Slappity Slap (with Marionettes!)
15 April 2006
If you've ever seen one of Jerry Bruckheimer's overcooked action extravaganzas, then Team America will look instantly familiar. It's got all the requisite characters, romances, plot twists and explosions an action fan could ever want... except its done entirely with Marionettes! And it's sort of a comedy if you know your stuff. The puppets, sets, and puppet work are all brilliant. I love that much of the humor is generated from the fact that these are puppets. The scene where two puppets ask each other to dance, is lingered on because the dancing they do is just so goddamn adorably puppet-like. It's great to see like, Trey and Matt play the whole thing seriously because these scenes have a great juxtaposition. Again, the songs kick a$$. The highlights being "Freedom Isn't free" and "Pearl Harbor Sucked And I Miss You". This movie is cracked, and its different, and its oddly organic with no CG employed for any of the mad puppet action. It's absolutely one-of-a-kind. Even when the writing falls on its face (as it often does), the puppet carnage keeps things entertaining.
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