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Charmed (1998–2006)
4/10
Goes Downhill in a Hurry
23 August 2009
You can read other comments for an in-depth look at what the show Charmed is all about. Long story short, it's about three witch sisters who discover that girl power, sister power, and The Power of Random Rhymes can overcome all challenges.

The first few seasons (aka the Prue seasons) were an enigma. Throw in the cliché "Oh all I want is a normal life!" every 20 minutes and you get the idea. They hated their powers, yet had no problem using them. All they wanted was something normal (including normal boyfriends, which they went through VERY quickly), but embraced their abnormality.

The Prue seasons weren't known for terrific scripts, but I do give them points for effort. Compared to the Paige seasons, they are watchable. The outfits the girls wear are reasonable, the plots are decent, and the villains are typical, unmotivated, unoriginal, but they have some good special effects.

AFTER Doherty leaves the scene, the show goes downhill in a hurry. The outfits become TREMENDOUSLY skimpy even when they are in normal clothes. It's clear that Piper stood up for herself and decided to wear something reasonable. Her siblings, however, routinely wear clubbing clothes (or LESS) or sports bras, lingerie, or bust-enhancing tops. The outfits include leather Amazon women outfits, sexy super hero outfits, and so on. Then comes Phoebe as a half-naked mummy, Phoebe as a half-naked mermaid, Phoebe...just half-naked. Then you have Paige as a half-naked vampire, Paige lying in bed with random boyfriend #47 naked, Paige lying in bed with random boyfriend #81 in just her pink bra, Paige in an ultra-mini-skirt and knee high boots, etc etc etc.

I won't get into the mess that became Chris, Wyatt, and the whole Whiny Season. Leo whines that he won't be a good dad, Chris whines that his dad ignores him (and wants to kill him for it), and Piper just...whining. After The Source is eliminated (AGAIN), we get a SLEW of demons trying to be the New Source, all of them lasting about one episode and all of them totally, completely, lame.

Perhaps my BIGGEST complaint is the lack of common sense and continuity the series has. If the show had 80 episodes, there would be 78 times that a demon would break into the house and furniture would be smashed in the ensuing battle. You would think that with all the magic floating around, they would make the Haliwell Manor the Magical Fortress. Why can't they put magical forces around the house? It is always so INCREDIBLY EASY for a demon to enter the house and attack the sisters. I always wondered why an ARMY of demons just didn't charge the house...even with their incredible powers, 100 demons should overpower 3 witches.

The first season (give or take) heavily mentioned Darklighters. These beings are the only ones that can kill Whitelighters with evil, poisoned, crossbows. However, after the first season, the Darklighters are practically never heard from again.

Late in the series, we learn about Magic School. Who are they kidding??? Any 6 year old can see that Harry Potter is a direct link here. They even wear BLACK ROBES like Harry Potter. Apparently, this school never existed before because there was ZERO mention of it until Piper wants to use it as a daycare center.

The whole Billie season was an absolute joke. The producers end the 7th season with the sisters having a tremendous battle against evil and then altering their appearance so it looks like they too were killed. The sisters then ride off into the sunset...until they get pulled back in again. Billie is searching for a kidnapped sister. Funny how demons have no reason to kidnap any human...except for this one. Billie goes on a crusade to save her sister and then...does. But we never see how. It just...happens. Maybe someone at the Academy for the Magically Gifted helped? Oh wait...DEMONS TOOK IT OVER AND WE NEVER SAW HOW THAT HAPPENED EITHER! The show does have some promising moments and some memorable episodes. Some plots are downright original and some of the acting can be award winning. If only it was enough to save us from the final travesty. All the girls have to do is say a rhyme...any rhyme...and they win. Paige opens a portal to a past life back in the Dark Ages with...a rhyme. The girls fend off demons with...a rhyme. The girls solve simple problems with...a rhyme. Why bother with the kung fu, magical orbing, freezing of time when all you have to do is say "This attack cannot end well, you cannot have this Haliwell"??? Starts off well, then goes downhill in a hurry.
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6/10
Re-make in 3D, not as nice
24 October 2007
I saw this movie in 1993, bought the DVD, have the soundtrack (legally bought back when CD's were still in style), and consider it a great movie for kids and adults alike.

That being said, seeing in 3D was a disappointment. Even catching a matinée, I had to pay $9 because the glasses were an extra $3. All the 3D did for me was make things in the background look more in the background. There were a couple of "ooooh ahhhh" 3D moments (pumpkins flying at you and snow falling), but that didn't take away from the discomfort of the glasses squeezing against my head.

The music was still enchanting, the stop motion flowed very well and I *strongly* encourage this movie. However...the 3D just got in the way.
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1/10
And the moral is........
27 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Let's see here. We have 2 parents who have 12 kids...naturally this means that the kids will automatically run everything, get their own way, and their parents will have no control in everything. Riiiiiiiight.

See dad. See dad get the job he's been dreaming about which means a nice raise, a better house in a better neighborhood, and a means to better provide for his 14 member household. Of course, this can't be good and the kids will do everything in their power to end this.

See mom. See mom get a fabulous book deal, pursue a career of her own (temporarily, it was ONLY A 2 WEEK BOOK TOUR!!!), get a shot at being on Oprah, and really live out her dreams. Of course, this can't be good and the kids will do everything in their power to end this.

Every chance possible, the parents bend over backward to help the kids out. The dad even has his football team practice at his house, cuts press conferences short, blows off his Athletic Director, works his everliving tail off...all for nothing. The kids still rebel, sneak out of the house, abuse the eldest daughter's boyfriend, and consistently start fights, wreak havoc, and do NOTHING to help out in any way.

The "dozen" kids consist actually "nine" kids. Of the remaining three, one lives COMPLETELY ON HER OWN and two are in high school. The eldest son does nothing but brood and sulk and the eldest "in house" daughter (Hillary Duff) is barely on screen long enough to contribute. Why can't they help out at least once? To sum up the movie, dad gives up dream job, mom quits book tour early and blows the Oprah shot, and at the end of the movie, and the kids are STILL at the house they hate, in the neighborhood they hate, going to the schools they hate...but they all seem happier somehow. *Sigh* When will Hollywood make good movies again?

And the moral is........what's good for the parents must be stopped by the kids at any cost.
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The Haunting (1999)
3/10
Say huh?
1 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Giving this 3 out of 10 is being generous.

Let me say first that this is probably what happened after shooting was finished and all the King's Horses and all the King's Men were trying to figure out how to put this movie together.

Producer 1: "Let me see...the underlying theme in this movie is..." Producer 2: "Family! It's about Eleanor being the bad guy's third wife...or fourth, and she's pregnant...but not really and wants to save the kids."

Producer 1: "The kids that died about 150 years ago right? Producer 2: "Yeah, the ones he used in a sweat shop...or was obsessed about...or something like that."

Producer 1: "So he trapped their souls...and his...in the house...because why?" Producer 2: "No no no, they're stuck in purgatory b/c he's bad and can't go to hell right away unless Eleanor sends him there by yelling at him a lot."

Producer 1: "You really think people will watch this? I mean OWEN Wilson is in it for God's sake!" Producer 2: "What if we re-shoot Zeta-Jones in some sexy thigh high boots?"

Producer 1: "Sure, that'll do it for me."
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2/10
How could they mess THIS up???
17 August 2005
Leave it to Hollywood to take a basic movie premise with YEARS of TV episodes to look at for reference...and STILL screw it up.

If you're going to watch it for Stifler, forget it. He's still Stifler and has now cemented himself in that role. Good job type-casting yourself as a swearing, smoking, drinking, arrogant, jerk.

If you're going to watch it for Jessica Simpson, forget it. She practically plays a cameo role. A woman who should be SEEN and NOT HEARD (aka STOP SQUAWKING!!!) is rarely seen and when heard is awful. You call that a southern accent? Daisy Puke does not grace the screen at all.

If you're going to watch a good movie, forget it. What a horrible disappointment. Even Jessica's wiggling on the screen can't save it.
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4/10
Idiot's Guide to The Interpreter
24 April 2005
I do my reviews simply so the "movie-viewer-on-the-go" can understand it.

-Sean Penn is his usual self -Nicole Kidman's hair keeps changing from shot to shot (in her face, not in her face, pushed back, all in the same scene!) -Ted Kennedy and Dubya Bush would interact better on the screen than these two (Kidman and Penn) -I actually heard a guy snoring behind me (I almost dozed myself) due to boring talks that do nothing to move the movie along -TOO MANY SUB-PLOTS -TOO MANY CONNECTIONS THE AUDIENCE HAS TO MAKE ON THEIR OWN

Much like Star Wars Episode I, the only good part to the movie was the assassination attempt at the end. Action, suspense, drama, FINALLY crammed into the last 15 minutes of the movie.
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