spikerchick013 Reviews

The King's Man (2021)

I wish it were more stupid

[6/10 · 22 December 2021]

Took itself too seriously at some points. I love the Kingsmen movies because they're stupid and campy and over the top. This gave me that at some moments, and then it would be a semi serious WWI movie. Like pick a lane.

Big Sky (2020–2023)

Disappointing

[5/10 · 30 November 2021]

This show had me hooked off the pilot. But about halfway through the first season, they kill off their strongest, most interesting character, and then the entire show goes off the rails. The characterization of the main villain totally changes without warning or explanation, and then we completely stop focusing on the hunt for him & instead we focus on a random, unconnected story about a corrupt family farm, which then fizzles out and doesn't matter at all. It feels like they couldn't come up with enough from plotline A to fill a whole season, so they had to shoehorn in a less developed plotline B to fill time. Would have been a great show had they been restricted to a 10-12 episode season, but network TV doesn't usually work that way.

Cinderella (I) (2021)

One star movie but added another because James Acaster

[2/10 · 8 September 2021]

I wish James Corden would just go away for a year and let the rest of us get some peace and quiet.

Black Christmas (2019)

Too heavy handed, even for me.

[2/10 · 6 June 2020]

I am the most left-leaning person I know. I'm all for movies that explore themes like toxic masculinity and gender roles, even within horror movies. I also love the original Black Christmas, even if it is a little exploitative and maybe took too much joy in the terror each woman experienced in her final moments. This movie might has well have put the words "all men are bad" across the screen in flashing lights. There were a couple moments that I really liked, such as the main character's relationship with her creepy old professor, and someone being killed with a plastic bag over their head (great callback to the original). Other than that though, this movie was so forced, and even included a previously well liked male character starting an argument with his girlfriend and yelling "NOT ALL MEN". It's just so heavy handed. They could have made the very same points more subtly & used it to further the story of the characters, but instead it just turns into this random cult story that made me instantly not take it seriously. For me to say a movie is too man-hating says a lot, but I'm glad I got this movie with a free Redbox code instead of paying for it.

A Little Late with Lilly Singh (2019–2021)

Unfunny, unoriginal, unwatchable.

[1/10 · 4 December 2019]

Lily Singh has one joke and it's "I'm a woman of color and most hosts on tv are old white guys!" That's it, that's the show. The problem isn't that "woke comedy" has gone too far, just watch Last Week Tonight to see, its that there is no originality, no comedy, and no skill on display in this show.

I Saw the Devil (2010)

Not your typical revenge thriller

[10/10 · 18 September 2019]

As many horror lovers know, Korean horror is great. This movie kept me guessing up until the very last minute. You find yourself not really sure who you should be rooting for. Personally, I thought the movie was a great story about the futility of getting revenge, and how it just corrupts you rather than taking away your grief. This movie is pretty gruesome, so if you're just looking for a casual fun movie to watch, this probably isn't it. I consider myself a horror buff, and I had to look away during a particularly intense scene, which I think is awesome, it's so rare to find a horror movie that is actually horrifying. I absolutely recommend this movie, as it's the most original plot I've seen in quite a while!

Them (2006)

Boring until the last 20 minutes

[4/10 · 13 August 2019]

I'm usually not interested in home invasion movies, as I personally find them boring. This one was standard boredom for the first hour of the movie. Lots of running room to room and breathing louder than any human has a right to. However, the last 20 minutes of this movie are really good. The villains are not really what you would expect. Kinda mad at the list that recommended this as "one of the scariest films I've ever seen".

Bad Samaritan (2018)

Not awful but inconsistent.

[4/10 · 13 July 2019]

The thing that upset me about this movie is that it started off so well and then just really let me down. David Tenant's character in this movie starts out as this calm, collected, analytical killer, but then about halfway through the movie he randomly becomes angry and sloppy, and it felt extremely out of character. It wasn't a bad movie, but I found myself saying "wait, what" a lot.

Midsommar (2019)

I don't get it, but I love it.

[10/10 · 3 July 2019]

I suspect that I will have to think a lot more about this movie before I fully understand it, but it was really good. Genuinely creepy, and that's pretty jarring next to the beautiful scenery and almost dreamlike setting of Halgarsland. If you're a horror fan, i would definitely recommend this, but it's not your average slasher flick.

Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)

Expectations low, still disappointing

[2/10 · 11 May 2019]

Choosing to watch this movie on purpose, you already know it's going to be horrible. A story about a bunch of rival surfer gangs (the samurai, and a few others that don't really have names, and of course the Nazis) all fight for control over Power Beach. It's horribly offensive (1987) (also not an excuse). The one saving grace in this movie is the black woman who just despises the Nazis, so she kills them all. BDE if I've ever seen it.

Await Further Instructions (2018)

Babies can't read, guys.

[5/10 · 23 February 2019]

Parts of this movie I really, really, liked (hence the 5 star rating), and parts of it I really, really, hated (hence the 5 star rating). This movie had a lot of potential to be a decent horror flick. A family together for Christmas, everyone at each other's throats, when suddenly, every exit to the house is blocked by a strange metal substance. The tv starts displaying commands & each one escalates, characters die, blah, blah, blah. Sometimes a horror movie's greatest asset is the fear of the unknown. Imagine waking up in your home to find you are blocked in, with disturbing messages commanding you to do things displayed on the tv screen. It would be terrifying. The problem is that this movie made the mistake of showing their monster. And it's bundles of computer cables that need to be worshipped like a god in order to survive. I'm not joking. It's like if the vines in Jumanj demanded worship from little Kirsten Dunst.

My favorite kind of horror movie is one that uses the human characters as the villains more than the big bad monster. It Comes at Night and The Mist are 2 good examples. Humans can be far worse than any unknown monster. This movie almost saved itself by driving its characters crazy, but then it had to try to fly too close to the sun and then crashed and burned. Don't show me a "monster" made out of cables. I will laugh in your face.

If you're reading this far, I assume you don't care about spoilers, so I will tell you about the scene that has made me laugh harder than anything I've ever seen in my life. At the end, all the characters are dead except for a newborn baby, and the tv has pretty shapes moving around and the screen says "worship me". Babies. Can't. Read. All the humans are dead. Who is going to teach this baby how to read? Because it sure isn't going to be the cable tentacle monster. Idk I'm annoyed.

Mr. Brooks (2007)

Not bad for the time, pretty bad now.

[4/10 · 20 November 2018]

This movie is more than 10 years old now, so I can't be too harsh on it, but seeing it for the first time in 2018 was just frustrating. Whoever was in charge of the soundtrack for this movie should be publicly shamed. It doesn't fit, it's too grand, more like the soundtrack for a movie of intrigue rather than a film who exposes its main character as a murderer within the first 10-15 minutes. The characters are poorly developed. A serial killer who has been killing for decades wouldn't take on an "apprentice", nor would he agree to let someone else come to a killing with him. We're supposed to believe that Mr. Brooks is detail-oriented enough to not leave a trace of evidence behind at a scene of a crime, but he'll bring another person with him? I don't think so. Furthermore, the "alter ego" storyline is half-baked, given that the other character, "Marshall", is never actually in control. He just talks to Mr. Brooks. All in all, it kind of seems like this was a really good idea for a movie that just was not executed well. I'm perhaps more annoyed than I should be, but after watching films like Split handle the multiple personality angle much more adeptly, I can't help but feel like I wasted $4 in renting this from iTunes.

As Above, So Below (2014)

Seriously the worst horror movie I've ever seen.

[2/10 · 5 October 2018]

This movie had so much potential to be really good. And yet.... I don't even know where to begin. So the concept was great, catacombs leading to a secret treasure, great. But there are just so many storylines they don't tie up at the end. Is there a cult that lives underground? Are we just not going to talk about the dusty phone and childhood piano down there? Is it the gates of Hell? Is it just the stone playing tricks on them? Also, for a good laugh, I recommend the "chomping teeth on the floor" scene. Honestly, what were they going to do, bite her feet until she died? Also- when you translate something from Aramaic into English, IT WONT RHYME IN ENGLISH. All in all, my roommates and I had a pretty good time making fun of this movie, but it's realoy better on paper than it is as finished product.

Blair Witch (2016)

This isn't the Oscars, people.

[7/10 · 5 October 2018]

Is this movie the best movie I've ever seen in my entire life? No. Is that what anyone is thinking it might be when they go to watch it? I hope not. Look, at the end of the day, this is an updated Blair Witch Project, and in my opinion, it's way better than the first one. It's a found footage type movie, so of course there's lots of camera movement and gasping and running through the forest (people complaining about that might as well go watch Halloween and complain that the killer never takes his mask off). All in all, I thought this was a pretty good scary movie. You actually get to see the witch in this one, which was one of my biggest complaints about the 1999 version. Lots more building in this one (instead of just "ominous" piles of rocks), and I'd much rather watch this one again than the original.

Marrowbone (2017)

Pretty good psychological story

[8/10 · 22 September 2018]

I watched this thinking it was a horror movie. It definitely is not. It's more of a psychological, slightly suspenseful movie about a group of siblings. The characters are very likeable, and the story is very engaging. There's a good "twist" at the end that I didn't see coming (I always guess the end of movies), and I thought the film tied up all loose ends pretty well. I had a hard time figuring out when this movie was set because the characters dress like it's the 1940's but the moon landing is shown on tv, so I guess it's the 60's? Regardless, this was a satisfying movie and I'd watch it again.

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

The woman isn't even the main character in the story of her own assault.

[2/10 · 21 September 2018]

This movie had the potential to be good, a woman, raped and robbed of her agency, survives her attack and comes back to get revenge. The only problem? The movie is about the men that attacked her more than it is about her and her pain. I'm annoyed, the movie took way too long to get to the revenge, and focused too much on the actual rape- it's like a 30 minute scene. I'd skip. Watch Carrie instead.

Desolation (I) (2017)

Just don't.

[2/10 · 11 May 2018]

Look, I love a good scary movie. I'll be the first to admit that I even like bad scary movies. So I figured, what the hell, I'll watch this on Netflix. It's bad but not in a good way. The "bad guy" just lingers in the distance, does not have one single line of dialogue, and has no apparent motivations for doing any of what he does through the movie. The relationship between the mother and son is good, but that's the only positive thing I have to say about this. I was bored and actively wishing the movie would end. Also, Mr. Bad Guy, who wears sunglasses in the forest at night? What's your deal? You were so boring but also so intriguing. What even is this movie? Skip it.