gigabyte-me Reviews

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Disjointed but often humorous.

[7/10 · 22 May 2007]

This movie hosts a bold cast of characters but does little to piece them into the film properly.

The Big Lebowski has it's comedic moments amidst a cornucopia of quirky scenes and larger than life characters. The plot, despite it's multiple twists is relatively simple. An aged hippie in L.A gets involved in a mock kidnapping plot all due to a stolen carpet and a case of mistaken identity.

This type of plot, which is standard Cohen Brothers fare, does little justice to the film's often disjointed nature. There are scenes in this film driven by some colorful cameos that could have been entirely omitted from the movie with little or no consequence to the film's continuity. There are many cameos in this film by some obscure actors such as David Thewliss and Sam Elliot that feel more obligatory than necessary.

There is also an entire scene that could have been omitted in the film. Jeff Bridges character is drugged by someone in the film. You get to see the entire insane dream he has while he's drugged. This to me was totally unnecessary and could have been handled so much better than a narcotics dream.

This is not to say there isn't some original comedy to be found in The Big Lebowski. There are enough funny if not slightly bizarre moments to separate this film from standard comedic predictability. John Goodman does a stellar job as the main character's loud and lovable sidekick Walter. Jeff Bridges plays his character so well you forget he's Jeff Bridges. The faults of this film definitely don't lie in the acting. The Big Lebowski is hurt by it's slightly surreal nature, poor editing and excess of useless cameos and ambiguous characters.

Overall this is a comedy that won't appeal to all fans of the genre. The sometimes artsy edge will turn some people off. It is also not the Cohen Brother's best effort in my opinion.

Dragonslayer (1981)

Great film.

[8/10 · 15 May 2007]

With Disney at the helm, they spared no expense for this fantasy epic.

The special effects are mind blowing for their time. The dragon in Dragonslayer is probably the most realistic dragon ever to be put on celluloid, far better than any CGI dragon in my opinion. I have no idea in fact how they could have made this dragon so realistic in 1981. Unfortunately you don't get to see too much of her throughout the film, but when you do see her for the first time, your jaw will drop.

The acting is great if not a bit campy at times. However the camp in this film adds to the entertainment value, not subtracts from it. There is a dark quality to Dragonslayer, but not so much as to deter the less hearty film enthusiast, just enough to tip the scale from a typical Disney fluff film to a quality fantasy epic. There is also some welcomed dry British humor in this film that offsets Dragonslayer's darker tones.

Even if you don't like the genre, see this film for the effects alone. It makes me wonder if we've taken the wrong path in film making by employing CGI over more visceral stimuli such as animatronics, puppetry and stop motion.

Jurassic Park (1993)

Pales in comparison to the novel.

[6/10 · 3 May 2007]

Spielberg took a great novel and turned it into blockbuster cotton candy for children and young teenagers.

I couldn't believe what was unfolding before me when I watched this film. Crichton's book was so much richer in detail and much more edge of your seat suspenseful.

I hated the way it was rewritten for the screen and I didn't like how the characters in the film were pale shadows of their book selves. The characters in the book were easy to like. In the movie they were entirely peripheral to the CGI dinosaurs. The magic of the novel was that the characters were equally as important as the peril they faced. In the film it was all about the dinosaurs, the actors might as well have been cardboard cut-outs.

I know people who didn't read the book don't want to hear this kind of thing but trust me if you did read the book first you know what I'm talking about.

I can imagine if I didn't read the book first I would have maybe liked this film more. As it stands I didn't entirely despise it. The scene that properly introduced the first dinosaur for our pleasure was somewhat moving. Yet they didn't save the poor story telling and lousy translation from book to novel. Situations that made the book a great read were entirely omitted from the film in true Hollywood form.

I like Spielberg's work and he's proved his worth but this movie would have been better left to someone who wasn't so hell bent on getting the effects right, while almost completely ignoring the elements of the novel that made Jurassic Park great.

300 (2006)

juvenile

[5/10 · 2 May 2007]

The first thing I thought after watching this film was "man I sure would have liked the 300 a lot more if I was 18 years old".

A thought that pretty much sums up the core of the problems with the 300. The film was clearly written for a much younger audience.

The 300 while at times visually pleasing consistently lacked a certain depth in character development and dramatic air. Even the action sequences while being fast paced were glorified to the point of being cliché. Thus making an aspect of the film that had the greatest potential, fall short of mind blowing. 300 failed to deliver the emotional punch the trailer so boldly promised.

Also this film suffered from "Gladiator" envy. If you pay attention you'll see how desperately the 300 tries to imitate that movie. Especially in regards to the soundtrack. It's like they just sampled bits from the Gladiator score. While in some cases paying homage to a film in this way can yield satisfying results, in the 300 it only serves to embarrass the more observant spectator.

The mainly CGI environments, while a fairly juicy source of eye candy also lacked in their own way, emotion and depth. While beautiful to look at, the scenery was so obviously CGI it was hard not to notice and became a nuisance after a short while.This was even more apparent if you paid attention to the lighting on the actors. On more than one occasion it was very hard not to notice they were being lit by studio lights rather than the sunrise. Also, at certain times when the actors voices were booming you could hear the echo of a sound-stage rather than the echo off a cliff face. I'm sure also that having little to work with in the way of grand scenery and visceral stimuli hurt the actor's performances somewhat. How much emotion can one stir up staring at a fake rock and green screens every day of shooting?

This is not to say the 300 was entirely unsatisfying. It delivers enough thrills to merit at least seeing once. There are several somewhat memorable moments, including a grim but beautiful overhead shot of fallen Spartans that looks like an exquisite mosaic.

You won't walk away from 300 wiser but some of you, especially younger audiences will walk away from a noble yet somewhat sophomoric attempt at epic film making.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

The thinking man's prison movie.

[10/10 · 25 April 2007]

This story takes place in prison but that is not to say it is a prison movie, because The Shawshank Redemption is so much more.

In all reality this movie is a story about human nature at it's worst and best. It's about friendship and loss, full of emotion, irony, humor and nostalgia. All wrapped around one hell of a satisfying plot twist and revenge sequence against the story's antagonists you'll probably ever see.

The icing on this scrumptious cake is one hell of a divine original scoring from composer Thomas Newman, the man who scored The Green Mile and American Beauty. It is haunting and often very moving. I realize that for many people one small segment of music in even a great film isn't enough to invoke a desire to watch the entire film. However there is a approximately 10 second segment of the score near the end of the film that will break your heart. You'll know which segment I mean if you see this film and if you're the right kind of person with a good soul, it will move you to tears.

Somehow the movie manages to pull off an epic feel despite the backdrop being prison bars and walls. You really feel you've gone through the years with the two main characters in the film, by the end you really feel for these characters as if they were your friends. Making the end of their journey in this film affect you strongly.

I would call this the best prison movie ever but for the fact that it really isn't a prison movie more than truly magnificent story that happens to take place in prison. This is however one of the best films ever made and I highly recommend it. This movie, especially the last 15 or 20 minutes will stay with you for years to come. It haunts me to this day.

Dune (1984)

Sci-Fi Classic.

[8/10 · 19 April 2007]

Let me start out by saying this is the only David Lynch film that makes sense. All other David Lynch films are pure nonsense. For some reason however he was meant to direct this Sci-Fi epic.

The movie has an almost Gothic feel to it. Not GOTH don't get the two confused, just because you dress like a vampire, dye your hair black and are depressed doesn't mean you'll like this film. Dune can lend its Gothic nature to the set design and costumes. There's an almost Victorian feel to the architecture and clothing in the film and if you are one who pays close attention to this type of thing, you'll appreciate this.

I found for it's time Dune had a fairly substantial array of special effects. They did the job just fine for this film, especially considering it was made in the mid 80's.

Of course there are enough David Lynch elements in the direction and dialogue in this film to give it a slightly surreal slant but in this case that is a good thing. The surreal nature of Dune makes it almost feel like Science Fiction meets fever dream. This formula works and lends to the bizarre nature of the film. Also another aspect I grew to like over time about Dune is many of the character's thoughts are often narrated by their own voices. This at first can put you off but after a while grows on you and adds to the dreamy nature of Dune.

There are enough memorable characters, epic scenes and decent special effects to immerse you properly into the film's atmosphere. The story is good although in many ways deviates from the book generously. I'm sure die-hard fans of Frank Herbert fans scowl at this. However to the film's credit, I read the novel Dune and I think the movie is much better.

It would be safe to say you should probably be a fan of the Sci-Fi genre to truly appreciate this film but if you are and for some reason haven't seen this yet, I recommend it. Dune is a film you can watch more than once. In fact it may take you a few views with full attention to get every nuance of the film and piece together the plot properly, but it's worth it. Good Sci-Fi classic.

Waking Life (2001)

Smart cocktail party nonsense.

[4/10 · 18 April 2007]

When I saw this film all I could picture was a bunch of stuck up yuppies with ponytails and those glasses that pseudo-intellectuals wear sitting around drinking snooty wine discussing this film and the hidden meaning behind it.

It is one of those types of films. If you're a realistic person you'll see that this film was actually written by a hippie on drugs. In fact this film was recommended to me by someone that is the quintessential hippie and they said i'd love it. I'll say I understood every concept in it but I far from loved it.

I don't need to understand this film to know I'm a smart person. However I'm not an intellectual as many like to think they are. I know the difference between pretentious nonsense and what is worth learning and experiencing.

This film is pretentious nonsense. An intellectual would have you think this film is a must. I say if you're truly smart, you'll see through this films disjointed, surreal ideas and know that basically it's just a bunch of people blabbing about nothing hoping you'll think they have something important to say.

The Break-Up (2006)

Aniston useless, Vaugn funny.

[9 April 2007]

Poor Jennifer Aniston, being so cute has it's drawbacks. Like, you don't actually have to be talented to get roles in films.

On the other hand, Vince Vaugn, being rather goofy looking actually has comedic talent. His delivery is quick and hilarious as usual.

This film is only funny because of Vince Vaugn. Don't believe me? See for yourself. Jennifer Aniston is incapable of being funny unless she has a really good writing team behind her and even then she is still always typecast in the role of a naggy irritating whiney typical female. Probably with good reason. She made that Jim Carey movie, Bruce the Almighty, almost unwatchable. She just isn't cut out for comedy. She is cut out to be a romantic drama queen. Another Meg Ryan type.

If you like Vince Vaugn, you'll probably like this film. If you like Jennifer Aniston, well that's your problem.

Twister (I) (1996)

CGI was enough in 1996.

[7/10 · 8 April 2007]

This movie was made at about the time when CGI was still impressive in and of itself in film-making. When Hollywood could shove at us eye popping visuals while ignoring plot, depth and emotion and we'd "ooh and ahhh".

And this shows in Twister.

The movie is rife with sappy clichés, sub-par acting and corny moments. The meat of this film is it's CGI created Tornadoes, which for the most part served their purpose in the context of a film of this nature.

However even a layman couldn't ignore the ridiculous moments regarding the behavior of the Tornadoes in this film. For example at one point the first tornado the storm chasers encounter gets close enough to them to suck their truck up in the air and the boards above the flimsy shelter they're hiding under, but leaves them miraculously unharmed. Several times tornadoes in the film dissipate at all too convenient moments including the last one, a monster of a tornado that they actually get stuck inside, but survive somehow strapped to drainage pipes despite the tornado being strong enough to pick up an 18 wheeler, roll a house and make huge tractors fly.

Yet for some reason this film is highly watchable. Twister achieved what it set out to achieve. It's mindless entertainment but it is indeed entertaining.

It's almost like the really embarrassing moments of this film and there are plenty of those, make the film fun to watch. There's something innocent about this film that excuses all the bad aspects of it.

Twister has been on cable a lot recently. I recommend watching it if you haven't yet. It's not award winning by any means but then again some films that have won academy awards have sucked so I leave it up to you to decide.

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

You've been warned.

[1/10 · 22 March 2007]

I cannot express in words how bad this movie is but I'm going to try.

First, I can't imagine what demographic this movie was supposed to appeal to. Or are there enough superficial shallow bimbos in their very late twenties whose brains are made of cotton candy walking this earth to actually have caused someone to think this movie could make money?

Christina Applegate and Cameron Diaz in this film are not sexy, not funny, they're simply annoying beyond comprehension. They were what I would imagine their real life counterparts would be like, more so Cameron Diaz. I'm sure she didn't tap into her "acting talent" one bit to perform this role. She just showed up on set and somehow memorized her lines.

I can imagine the executive in Hollywood who approved this script is some old, horny, fat, repulsive swine with a huge cigar in his mouth and whiskey on his desk. Wheezing with laughter as he read the script while his fat lips watered at the thought of either of the two leads getting naked. I'm sure he was incredibly disappointed to find neither of them actually got naked in the film, which in a desperate sort of way, would have been the only thing that could have even remotely made this film worth watching.

I can't remember very many details from this film, probably my subconscious protecting me from mental trauma, but I do remember feeling all the more stupid for having watched this.

Christina Appelgate's character meets Thomas Jane's character in a nightclub which instantly annoyed me. Who the hell goes to a nightclub to meet the man of their dreams? She becomes fond of him, in the only way a superficial tramp can become fond of someone, and decides to chase him down via a road trip to stop his imminent wedding and profess her crush/lust whatever to him.

Thomas Jane is cool though, he starred in a movie called "Thursday", which is a great sleeper of a film. However having him in the film was like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound, that just wasn't enough to fix it.

You won't enjoy this unless you're a stupid, self centered, shallow, ditsy yet sarcastic and fairly heartless bimbo. Even then if you watch this movie and like it there is absolutely no hope for you, you know who you are.

You've been warned.

Disorganized Crime (1989)

I cringed.

[5 February 2007]

This movie was so bad I was actually depressed when it was over.

Despite the fact that the movie was made in the late 80's when movies were at their worst, that was no excuse for this travesty. The acting was terrible, the jokes were far worse than cliché, the slapstick was awful. I wish I hadn't seen it.

Now I shall have nightmares about poor film making. No wonder Lou Diamond Phillip's career never took off properly. And wow, who can resist seeing a film with Corben Bernson in it, you know you're in for a rare treat if he's starring.

It was like the director told the actors to do their worst acting job possible, then yelled action. That was the director's input into this film. Director? You're fired!

If I were torturing someone, say a prisoner of war, I would make them watch this movie once. I say only once because to make them watch it twice is something I wouldn't put my worst enemy through.

The Shining (1997)

The way it was meant to be told

[3 February 2007]

I read The Shining when I was a 10 year old boy. It scared the hell out of me and moved me at the same time. I saw the Kubrick film and was sorely disappointed.

Then I sat down and watched this mini-series on TV and was very satisfied. They left almost nothing out. They censored nearly nothing. The casting was done well. In Kubrick's version Danny was portrayed as a disturbed young boy with next to no spoken dialog in the film. In fact the whole film was a showcase to show how insane Jack Nicholson can be, that irritated me.

The hotel they filmed in was the very hotel King had in mind when he wrote the shining, which added to the believability of the mini-series. This experience gave me a much similar feel to that of reading the book when I was 10 years old. It was nostalgic in a sense to see the book finally brought to life as good as It could be.

I own this mini-series and watch it quite often.

Animal Factory (2000)

Real

[29 November 2004]

This is the second best prison movie I've seen, Shawshank Redemption being number one. It's well acted, devoid of most of the violence and clichés many prison movies seem to rely on. It's raw and simple but effective for the point the movie is trying to make.

The story is simple, a juvenile drug offender, played by Edward Furlong, goes to prison and meets and befriends a powerful convict. The convict, well portrayed by Willem DaFoe, takes Furlong under his wings and helps him cope with prison life while aiding him towards a quick release date.

There are no amazing plot twists, no incredibly memorable moments. This is just a good solid simple story about prison life. I am inclined to think that many of the extras and possibly even some of the minor parts are played by real prisoners. There is definitely a "real" quality to the film. Almost like much of it is a documentary. This is destined to be a cult classic for lovers of the genre.

The Reckoning (2003)

A well told well acted story.

[23 November 2004]

A gem of a film. Artistic without being pretentious, moving without being cliché. Paul Bettany is completely believable as a tormented priest, Willem Dafoe is as always intense and a joy to watch. The movie takes place in the dark ages mostly in a small outpost in the English countryside. A woman is wrongly accused of murder and a traveling troupe of actors, lead by Dafoe, enters the town and becomes involved in clearing her name of the accusation.

I was most impressed with the set they used for the village, it's incredible. The set immerses you in the desperate and dramatic feel of the film properly. The film has an authentic theatrical feel to it. More like it's being acted on stage rather than on location. I recommend this well acted tale.

The Village (2004)

How dare you

[23 November 2004]

Once again Shyamalan uses cheap thrills and flimsy plot twists to thrill audiences. This time however he goes that extra mile to rip the audience off.

I found this movie to be disappointing on so many levels I will never see another Shyamalan film again. The backbone of the movie is pure hype. The movie itself is dry and emotionless. Shyamalan has this aspect to his films where he thinks if the actors all whisper their lines it will entice and please the audiences. He thinks wrong. I'm tired of the actors in his films whispering, I wanted to scream by the end of this film.

The films big plot twist (which is supposed to make the audience gasp), made me laugh. The ending was absurd and served to destroy the essence of the rest of the film, which was tolerable at best. It's fine to be pleasantly deceived in a film, I.E the plot twist in The Sixth Sense, but this film is like eating a great sandwich only to find a huge hair in the center, makes you want to puke up the rest of the sandwich. Same goes for this film, by the end you'll wish you never saw the rest of it. You'll see what I mean if you are brainless enough to rent this film.

As for the rest of you who swear by Shyamalan's directing, I'd love to see the shrines you have in your homes paying homage to a talentless director.