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Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Boring
Maybe I'm just having an off day or something because I just can't get into this film. Watched about an hour and none of the jokes are hitting and I couldn't care less about any of the characters. Maybe this film would have benefited from being a 15-18 and having it be more outrageous and shocking. Just anything to stop it being so vanilla really.
Wounds (2019)
Rubbish
Painfully slow and unrewarding. The Irishman lasts for 3 and a half hours and still goes faster than wounds.
The Pyramid (2014)
Pyramid W**kers
So when I found out the other day that Jay from the inbetweeners was in a horror film I was instantly intrigued to go see it, and I was right too. The pyramid was a great film similar to films such as The Cube and even more so to AVP as they are trying to escape a pyramid full of traps and unknown monsters. There are some goofs with the film but you can look past them as they are not that important. It has very effective scares and a good tense atmosphere. I defiantly think it is one of the better modern horror films I have seen recently as most seem to just be boring such as Annabelle, the conjuring and paranormal activity.Unlike those films this has personality to it with good horror and comic relief from Jay, who steals the show. overall it's a cracking film and I highly recommend it. You would be a mug not to see it!
Metallica Through the Never (2013)
Lame
So Iv'e been a fan of Metallica for a couple years now and at one point was my favourite band. I went into this film expecting it to be a film, but it wasn't. This DVD is just 90% concert footage with 10% footage of the guy from chronicle wondering round the streets on the night of the Purge. It has a WTF ending that doesn't make sense and will leave you unsatisfied. My biggest problem is that it is essentially a live DVD of Metallica. The problem with that is Metallica are no good live as James cant sing anymore Kirk has always been s**t live making amateur mistakes every chance he gets and theirs never been anything impressive about Lars Ulrich's drumming. Metallica is more of a studio band than a live band so I don't know why they made this. Next time you set out to make a film Metallica make a fu****g film yeah!!!
Dark Spirits (2008)
Words can't describe how much I hate this film.
This film is easily the worst film I've ever seen it's as about as interesting as watching paint dry. No wait even worse than that it's as bad as watching paint that's already dry. To start the images on the box of the girl and the house rant even in the film so I felt completely conned as that's what I paid to see. Also Nothing happens throughout the who film just people talking and drinking cups of tea. Nothing happens until the last five minutes and when the s**t does hit the fan you don't even care. Another note is every time you think it's about to get interesting it just disappoint's for example it sets it up for a sex scene but instantly cut's to afterwards and instead we see the main character drinking a cup off tea, how very interesting. To conclude this is the most boring film you will ever see. Seriously keep away from this garbage.
Splice (2009)
Beastiality
If you want to see a film where Adrian Brodie has sex with aliens for one and a half hours this is right up your street.What has happened to this guys carrier he's won an Oscar, how can he be in such a terrible film that makes not sense and that is so incredibly boring. If like me you thought this film was going to be a horror about a lab experiment gone wrong you are wrong. Instead it is a love story no different to twilight only instead of a gay vampire it's an alien. So If you like love stories like twilight I highly recommend watching this film. But i you wanted to see aliens kill people and blood and guts watch a good film with Adrian Brodie in it called Predators.
Black Hawk Down (2001)
Scott's Masterpiece
First I will start by saying that this is the best war film iv'e ever seen. That is why I think it deserves a 10 out of 10 but it came close to a nine and thats because of the first half hour. Im not saying the first half hours bad it's just forgettable as the rest of the film is so epic. So the fun begins when it gets into it and thats when you see that is a bad ass action film with explosions and awesome death's and blood. There's one bit when this guy gets his thumb blown of his hand and it is a really cool and gruesome scene and it's scenes like that which contain a WOW factor that makes this film such a bad ass action film. I have to say i'm not the biggest fan of Ridley Scott as I found Alien and Blade Runner boring but this is where he comes to life and earns my respect.
Final Destination 3 (2006)
Roller-coaster of a ride
This film is truly an unputdownable roller-coaster of a ride. It is an edge of the seat thriller that provides scares and frights left, right and centre. I would definitely say that it is James Wong's best film to date as it takes you through an emotional journey. It is a really gripping and Poignant film. It is a true Tour de force that you will never forget. If this doesn't put you off from going to alton towers I don't know what will. The film is exactly what is say's on the tin and is a real page turner. I would go as far as to say this film is the best thing since sliced bread.If you thought final destination 2 was boring it's because that was just the calm before the storm.
Serenity (2005)
Run
"Facepalm" So I just watched Serenity and that's two hours of my life i'm not getting back.A word of advice to people reading this never watch this film ever if you happen to see it in a shop just walk past it like it never existed that's what I wish I did but it's to late I can't unsee what has been seen but there's still hope for you so listen to me Im just trying to protect you from this awful film. If I was given a choice to watch this film or be stabbed in the eyes while being forced to listen to the black veil brides I would rather take option two. Seriously! It's my own fault for watching this my brother told me to stay clear of this but I didn't listen now Im scared to watch film's ever again. It will never be the same for me now so avoid this film or pay the ultimate consequence. You have been warned!
Rubber (2010)
Instant Classic
Rubber is a brilliant comedy about a killer tyre that uses telekinesis to make human's head's explode. There's a really cool bit where it makes a bird explode and blood goes everywhere. It is a movie not to be taken seriously so if you are expecting a good story you will hate this film, but if you just want to see random stuff happen for one and a half hours this film is the perfect film for you.So if you want to have a laugh and see peoples heads get blown up I would definitely get this film. You will definitely remember this classic film as it is like nothing you will ever see it is truly an experience. So to conclude it contains humour and gore which is the perfect combination of awsomeness.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)
Same old boring crap lacking in creativity
Furry midgets walk though a field for three hours whilst exchanging terrible dialogue and wearing ridiculous costumes that look like they were salvaged from a charity shop. Boring fights occur that shouldn't even exist since one of them is the most powerful wizard of all time so he could just stop it with his magic but he doesn't because the script is so poor. The scenery is identical to the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy so nothing new there. The duration is unjustified because there is only about 40 minutes of story stretched across three hours. I hate this film, so very, very much. Peter Jackson has never made a good film in his career apart from Back To The Future - Oh wait that was by Robert Zemekis who actually has an imagination.
Highlights: None.
0/10