lord-of-the-lez Reviews

Jason Goes to Hell (1993)

Hilarious!

[5/10 · 8 October 2020]

One of the best horror comedies I've seen because it's just so hilariously god-awful. This movie is garbage. But it's fun garbage! Bad editing, bad acting, bad script...plot points that the writers pull out of their asses. It's just a confusing mess. And that's what makes it comedy gold. I watched this with my family and we laughed our asses off, especially at the diner scene near the end. How does this diner have so many weapons?! Where are the weapons coming from? Wat?!

This is the one Friday the 13th movie that I think is actually bad. While some may argue that the formula grew tired and cliche, at least each one tried to change things up a bit while still feeling like a Friday the 13th movie. This one just felt so out of left field to me. And not in a particularly fun way, like the next movie, Jason X. Jason X had the brutal kills and Jason was more visible than ever. That movie may have strayed away from the formula by a lot, but it still felt like a cheesy, fun Friday the 13th movie. Even the Jason-less Part 5 still felt like a Friday movie. This one does not and it's executed in the worst possible way. Watch it for the unintentional comedy.

The Greatest Showman (2017)

A Fun Spectacle with the Potential for So Much More

[7/10 · 22 August 2020]

On the one hand, this movie is a fun and entertaining spectacle. The songs are catchy and the choreography is amazing to watch. This movie would be perfect as a stage performance. I will be listening to the soundtrack on repeat, for sure.

On the other hand, it comes across as too heavy-handed in its themes and was so fast-paced that you barely have any time to register the emotions in any of the scenes. This movie also does a lot of "telling" (or rather, singing) rather than showing. The characters will say how they feel, but the movie has no time to stop and really show it. In this way, the songs may come across as insincere and cheesy a lot of the time. But, like I said, it's mostly a pacing issue. If this movie was given more time to slow down in between songs, it could've made a huge emotional impact.

I also think this movie was a missed opportunity to explore the interesting, complicated personality of the real P.T. Barnum. Instead, the movie turned him into a Walt Disney-esque figure with a dream, who grows up to make that dream come true. The real Barnum was a shady, savvy businessman who was also a creative innovator, a genius entrepreneur, an anti-slavery politician, and an overall controversial public figure. A lot more interesting than the watered-down version we get from this movie.

Still, it's a fun watch. And if you're a fan of musicals, you won't be disappointed for sure. It's a spectacle, but it's not exactly the "greatest show."

Annie (2014)

As Fun and Heartwarming as the 80s Version!

[8/10 · 16 June 2019]

This remake is very enjoyable! If you love movie musicals, you will have a good time. But if the genre is not your cup of tea, you probably won't care for it. In any case, I don't understand why this movie was so panned by critics. I'm a huge fan of the original 80s version with Aileen Quinn and I thought this remake kept true to its spirit while putting some new spins on it. I thought the songs were fun and catchy (including the new ones). The chemistry between Quvenzhane Wallis and Jamie Foxx gave the movie an emotional weight and yes, I did cry towards the end. I generally don't like remakes, but this movie hit all the right notes for me. Keep an open mind and don't let the critics warp your impressions.

Triangle (2009)

One of the Greatest Horror Films!

[10/10 · 3 June 2019]

This movie starts out like a conventional horror flick...and then it becomes something so much more. This movie had my mind spinning so much that I spent days afterward hungrily analyzing the parts that were more vague so that I could get a better picture of how each plot element worked in the story.

Watching this movie is quite the experience! It twists and turns like a roller coaster and its revelations will surprise you to the very end (and some may even evoke a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach).

There are also some scenes that are truly disturbing, even to someone like me who's become numb to movie gore. There's one particularly shocking scene that I will never forget and which I will not spoil it here but I will just say that it involves the character named Sally.

As a hardcore horror fan who's seen over 200 different horror movies, Triangle deserves to be considered one of the greatest in the genre.

Big (1988)

Emotional and Nostalgic

[7/10 · 3 June 2019]

I watched this when I was the same age as the main character of this movie and I found it just...okay. I remembered the Zoltar machine, the big piano, and all the toys Josh plays with but not much more.

Rewatching it as an adult makes me appreciate it on a whole new level. I did not care for the emotional nuances of the movie and the dilemma that Josh was in because I myself was a kid the first time I watched it. I couldn't understand the depth of the movie's themes in the same way that Josh fails to have a truly deep, mature, emotional connection with another adult. Watching this movie as an adult also gives me this blissful sense of nostalgia for the little blip of time I spent as a child. Childhood is such a small part of your life compared to the time you spend as an adult, yet it makes a tremendous impact on you and what happens to you in those brief years leaves a lasting impression. Those are the thoughts and feelings this movie elicited in me and that's why it's highly recommended from me.

Hot Fuzz (2007)

Slow Burn That Ends With a Bang!

[7/10 · 1 June 2019]

This movie starts out rather slow, plot-wise. And the zany humor is a bit hard to follow. It tricks you into thinking it's going to be some quirky, fish-out-of-water, buddy cop comedy, which would've made it an okay movie. BUT, once the 2nd half kicks in, it transforms into a murder mystery with some horror elements. Then it becomes a straight-up balls-to-the-wall action movie towards the end. This movie is a lot of fun and if you find yourself bored or confused at the start, just keep watching. You will not be disappointed.

Dead Body (2017)

Fun Murder Mystery

[7/10 · 31 March 2019]

I'm not sure why this movie is rated so low. Horror movies in general tend to be rated lower than other genres and that's something I will never understand.

Dead Body is an interesting, tension-filled, slasher meets murder mystery. It has an interesting premise for a plot in the form of a game that becomes real. The fun part of this movie is in the guessing of the murderer and your guesses will constantly change as the movie goes on. Admittedly, even though I correctly guessed who the murderer was, it was a twist not many people would see coming and I was still doubting my predictions up to the very end.

If you want to see a slasher that's a cut above the usual, give it a watch.

Ruin Me (2017)

Interesting

[7/10 · 31 March 2019]

This is a very interesting slasher with characters who aren't annoying and a protagonist that feels very relatable and down-to-earth. This movie acknowledges all the tropes of a slasher, so you can never guess what's going on. It also messes with your mind a bit, making it even more difficult to predict any major plot points. Worth a watch.

Terrifier (2016)

Good, but not fun

[5/10 · 17 March 2019]

I have mixed feelings about this movie. I think it's a good horror movie but it's not a movie that I can say I enjoyed. Or one that I would watch again. It's a slasher with gory scenes that will shock, disturb, and possibly even traumatize you. I consider myself to have a strong stomach when it comes to gore and among the many horror flicks I've seen, there's not much gore that bothers me. This movie had a scene that was so bad I had to look away...also, you can never relax while watching this movie. The killer clown is so mad and unpredictable that it will make you tense up in anticipation of what new messed up thing he will pull next.

One thing I did enjoy about this movie was the dark humor. The killer clown is messed up, but there are some things he does that are just so bizarre that you can't help but laugh. The guy that played the role does an excellent job at striking the right balance between creepy and funny.

Overall, it's not my favorite kind of horror. I didn't exactly like the movie because it disturbed me in all the wrong ways (unlike, say, Sinister or The Descent). But if you like gory splatter-fests and want to traumatize yourself, then go for it.

Hellboy (2004)

Hits All the Sweet Spots

[9/10 · 5 January 2019]

This movie hits all the sweet spots for me. It has action, Lovecraft-esque horror/supernatural elements, emotional intensity, interesting heroes...and cats. Lots of cats.

And that mainly has to do with Hellboy himself. He is such a compelling character. He's an otherworldly beast who was raised by humans to be a good person. He fights monsters because his monstrosity enables him to know them well. He feels the pressure to look and act like a human as best he can so he won't be lumped in with other monsters. He kicks ass and acts macho, smoking cigarettes in a cool demeanor...yet, his many adopted cats shows that he has a soft side. And this vulnerable side is seen even further when we see how deeply he feels for the woman he loves. Unlike most heroes in the MCU, Hellboy has depth and charm to his personality that wins you over in an instant.

Hellboy just might be my favorite superhero movie.

Welcome to Marwen (2018)

A Wonderful, Feel-Good Story with an Original Concept

[8/10 · 1 January 2019]

This is a beautiful little film. It's an emotional, feel-good story that explores how art can be used in a therapeutic manner to work through trauma. Sure, the symbolism could be viewed as too obvious and the scenes in the doll world of Marwen can come across as ridiculous to some people, but I think it all worked just fine. I enjoyed all the scenes with the dolls in Marwen, as they were aesthetically pleasing with just the right amount of humor and they served as a good illustration of Mark's psychological battles.

Also, as a gay person, I enjoyed Mark's subversion of gender roles in the way he admired the women in his life and wanted to connect with them in a way that didn't objectify them (like collecting and wearing women's shoes). The dolls didn't exist in his world to be his harem, but rather the protectors of his psyche. They were there as a comfort, as they were based on the people in his life that showed him the most kindness and support (well, apart from the doll inspired by the porn actress, that is). But I also like how the dolls can also represent various aspects of myself (such as his work life, his pain, his hobby, his sexuality, his struggles with taking care of himself at home).

Overall, this is a cute movie that demonstrates how art can be a powerful tool that you can use to figure out who you are. You can use it as a way to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality. And you can use it to record important life events and examine what they mean for you. Highly recommended.

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

Decent

[6/10 · 26 November 2018]

This is a decent movie if you want some nice, creepy visuals. For a movie, called Thir13en Ghosts, I wish it had showed the unique backstories of all the ghosts, as their appearances and names were intriguing enough to make me want to know more. I know they actually do have backstories, but the characters in the movie never mentioned them. I find that an awful shame and a waste of really amazing makeup effects on the ghosts.

Also, there was no creepy atmosphere or tension. Once the ghosts start appearing, they never stop making noise and the only thing left to scare you is their visuals (which are creepy, but not enough to actually disturb you).

However, this was still a decent movie with a cool premise, just not executed in the best way. I say check it out if you don't mind some cheesy acting on occasion and want to see some gruesome-looking ghosts with a hint of decently interesting supernatural lore.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Draws You In

[7/10 · 25 November 2018]

This is a slow-paced, action/adventure movie that tells an interesting story. The film lingers on gorgeous shots of the landscape or on characters traveling and having conversations. It doesn't plod along like Lord of the Rings, but rather disperses these slow, drawn-out moments in between bursts of intense, bloody action scenes. While this pace would be boring in other movies, the beautiful cinematography and the sweeping, emotional musical score keeps you hooked. It's a great journey.

Last Action Hero (1993)

Silly, Yet Smart

[7/10 · 24 November 2018]

This movie is a lot of fun! It offers a clever commentary on the tropes in action films and the humor, while being juvenile and over-the-top wacky at times, is actually quite clever and meta. It also takes a while to warm up and I'd argue that the best part of the movie doesn't come until later, when the action hero finds himself in the real world. This movie is like Who Framed Roger Rabbit in that it's not sure if its target audience is kids or adults, but I think it's silliness mixed with the blood and the adult jokes is what makes it charming. And its ending was surprisingly heart-warming.

Last Action Hero is not Arnold's best movie, but it's worth a watch.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (2018)

Fun Family Film, But Feels More Like a TV Movie

[7/10 · 21 October 2018]

This is a fun movie with an atmosphere that just oozes Halloween. I love the idea of Halloween decorations themselves being the monsters and there were a lot of really cool designs used for the various monsters. And I like that we see more monsters in this one than in the first one, as the first Goosebumps movie needed a lot more monster mashin' goodness.

However, it was not nearly as funny as the first Goosebumps. The plot was a bit slow and not that suspenseful or exciting. And despite Slappy being featured more in this sequel, he actually was not as creepy or menacing as he came across in the first movie.

While the first Goosebumps movie felt more like a love letter to the franchise, this movie's recipe felt more like a TV movie that tried its hardest to use the Goosebumps books as inspiration only to be just lightly Goosebumps flavored (and heavy on the Halloween candy).

Very fun, very Halloween-y, but...not that Goosebumps-y.

Mad Monster Party? (1967)

Halloween Monster Mashin' Fun

[7/10 · 20 October 2018]

I enjoyed this movie mainly because I'm a fan of the classic Universal movie monsters and Rankin-Bass' Christmas specials. I liked some of the humor that was clearly aimed at adults and even enjoyed the musical numbers. Although, some of the gags went on too long and seemed a bit pointless (like the scene where the Igor-type character went in the kitchen to ask about the food). And the ending was surprisingly dark and strange for a movie targeted at kids and didn't really make sense for the purpose of the story.

It's fun and I think kids will especially enjoy it, but if you're lookin' for better kid-friendly Halloween features, I'd suggest Nightmare Before Christmas or the Hotel Transylvania movies.

Pumpkinhead (1988)

Great Monster, Creepy Atmosphere

[8/10 · 14 October 2018]

Pumpkinhead is a pretty damn good horror movie. It has an interesting story with a relatable, empathetic main character that sets up the monster's origin very nicely.

Mist, shadows, and moonlight in a dark forest provides a creepy atmosphere throughout most of the movie that allows for an immersive experience.

And best of all, the monster is a masterful example of practical effects. This creature looks genuinely terrifying with an original, alien-looking design that you don't see that much in monster movies.

If you want a delightfully creepy, interesting monster movie to watch for your next Halloween movie marathon, Pumpkinhead comes highly recommended.

Troll 2 (1990)

The King of Bad Cinema!

[10/10 · 5 October 2018]

Warning: this film is not suitable for those allergic to terrible costumes, bad acting, baffling dialogue, and silly death scenes. If The Room is the Mona Lisa of bad movies, Troll 2 is The Scream of bad movies...because it makes you want to slowly slip into hysterical madness while your feeble human senses try to comprehend what you're experiencing. Like a Lovecraftian Elder God, your sanity will fracture if you attempt to comprehend this movie...so just sit back and laugh your head off! (Just don't let your popcorn swallow you)

The Bay (II) (2012)

Starts Out Slow, Builds Into Utter Horror

[8/10 · 5 October 2018]

This movie requires patience as it slowly builds from a curious mystery into a situation that's truly terrifying. The slow build is necessary, as we as an audience need to see the normalcy and happiness from the townspeople before the terror strikes.

Though this movie is in the found footage mold, it compiles visual sources from many different mediums like news interviews, police cams, personal phone videos, blog posts, and Skype calls into something that feels like a documentary.

Like other horror movies that play on modern-day issues and fears, the real monster is in this movie is human carelessness and the desperate need from politicians to keep up appearances rather than actually fixing a problem.

The Stuff (1985)

Very Fun

[7/10 · 5 October 2018]

This movie is a fun, interesting take on the horror genre of alien invasion and mind/body control made famous by the likes of "The Thing" and "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." It's also a great commentary on the dangers of mindless consumerism.

Right at Your Door (2006)

Genuinely Terrifying

[8/10 · 5 October 2018]

Not too many horror films manage to scare me, but this one taps into a modern horror that genuinely terrifies me...being trapped inside your own home while being given no information about the dangers of the outside world.

You can really feel the hopelessness and frustration of the main character as he tries to determine the best plan of action with what little facts he has to go by. This movie doesn't try to frighten you with gore or jump-scares or creepy visuals. Instead, it gives you a trapped feeling of absolute helplessness and that's a very real horror that everyone can relate to.

The Worst Witch (1986 TV Movie)

A Masterpiece of Bad Cinema

[9/10 · 2 October 2018]

This is one of my favorite Halloween movies. It has terrible special effects, silly moments that only a 4-year-old would find funny, and hokey acting at times...but yet it's become one of my favorite Halloween movies over the years. It just oozes Halloween and never fails to put me in the mood for all things spoopy. It's fun to watch and its bad elements are what make it charming. It also gives me a strange nostalgia for my childhood, even though I didn't grow up in the 80s nor did I grow up watching this movie and that's pretty rare for a movie to give me that feeling.

If you can overlook bad green screen, over-acting, and some moments that make you cringe a little, you will find a kind of magic that makes you long to be a kid again. It's a Halloween treat.

(And yes, Harry Potter was obviously inspired by The Worst Witch books and possibly even this movie because there are way too many similarities for it to just be coincidental and Harry Potter did the magical school concept a lot better, but you have to respect this movie as the highly probable origin for one of the best series of our time).

Red Dawn (1984)

More Than It Seems

[8/10 · 7 August 2018]

What started out as one-sided conservative propaganda turned into a unique war movie that is beautifully shot and masterfully plays on your emotions. I was not prepared to like this movie starting out. I saw things like, "Commies are the devil" and "Boys shouldn't cry" and "Here boys, protect these girls" and "Murrica is awesome and of course we will win." But as the movie went on, it pleasantly surprised me.

The boys in the group still showed emotional vulnerability. The girl characters became just as capable in combat as the boys. The young freedom fighters representing America experienced many triumphs, but also a lot of grief and suffering. Even the Communist villains showed signs of humanity, particularly towards the end.

Though this movie appears to be a pro-American propaganda piece playing on a prevalent fear in the 80's, it is actually an emotional drama that shows a young group of people as they cope with trauma and struggle to survive in a hellish landscape. It is a work of art and should be treated as such.

Friend Request (2016)

Creepy, Yet Just Missed Its Mark

[7/10 · 24 July 2018]

This was a pretty good horror flick, but as the case with most horror movies on IMDB, it's rated far lower than it should be. I came into this movie with low expectations, expecting something very silly that's trying too hard to be scary (considering the social media theme), but that was not the case. This movie had genuinely creepy, skin-crawling visuals and a pretty good mystery of a plot going into the backstory of the killer.

Although the scariest aspect of the movie was not the visuals, but rather the trapped, helpless feeling of being forced to post disturbing things to your social media and being unable to stop it. It's the modern nightmare. A tainted social image that ruins your goals, dreams, and relationships is terrifying and I almost wish the movie focused on that rather than piecing together the life of the killer.

If the killer's life was more of a mystery and the movie was a Black Mirror-esque commentary on the potential dangers of social media, that would've turned a good horror film into a great one.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

Unique Take on the Slasher

[7/10 · 23 July 2018]

This is a really nice, interesting, unique take on the slasher film genre. Most of the movie feels like a basic cookie-cutter slasher formula and the initial plot reveals are obvious, but the last 15 minutes of the film will give you all the twists and turns to make the prior slow, predictable plot completely worth it.

Also, the cinematography is gorgeous. This is one of the more beautiful slasher films I've seen. I also give kudos to the soundtrack and the acting.

If you want a slasher that combines familiar character archetypes and plot beats with a different spin in the end, I'd say give this a watch.