archaeotypetw Reviews

Personal Best (1982)

What an Awful Movie

[3/10 · 8 March 2022]

I finally saw Personal Best 40 years after it came out and it wasn't worth the wait. I remember that the movie was quite controversial when it came out and now I understand why. I'm not sure if the intended audience was lesbians or pervy men. I'm guessing pervy men. How many crotch shots of young women high jumping or sitting around naked in a steam room could the director possibly cram into one movie? It is so cringeworthy. Mariel Hemingway was a terrible actor and whatever happened to the other girl (see, I don't even remember her name - she disappeared).

The story is lame, the movie is icky. Maybe it was ground breaking for it's sensitive portrayal of lesbianism but it's still a lousy movie. It'll be another 40 years before I try to watch it again.

Knock Knock (I) (2015)

OMG, What a Terrible Movie!

[2/10 · 16 October 2021]

Let's face it, Keanu Reeves is a terrible actor. He's one of the wealthiest actors in Hollywood but it isn't because of his acting ability. This plodding, ridiculous movie certainly doesn't do anything to make the most of his limited talents as an actor.

What can you say about this movie other than it's dumb, dumb, dumb. I only starting watching it in the first place because of Ana de Armas. Unfortunately, this movie doesn't really do a whole lot for her resume.

Watch it if you want to see an okay threesome, otherwise, don't waste your time.

Rust Valley Restorers (2018– )

Why Does Every Reality TV Show Have to Have One Idiot?

[3/10 · 29 September 2021]

The premise behind Rust Valley Restorers is kind of interesting although it's nothing new. I happen to live not far from where the show is made and that's probably the only reason I started watching it in the first place. I'm not really that interested in car restoration shows, to be honest.

There are a few things wrong with this series. First off, they make it look like restoring cars is quick and easy. No matter how rusted out or beat up a project car is, they can wander out into the back 40 and magically find parts for it. Bolt on a couple of fenders and apply a coat of paint and voila, you have a $35000 vehicle - all with about two days labour.

Next, how were these guys not shut down by Worksafe BC? In every episode someone almost dies or is horribly injured. Trannies fall off hoists, people crawl under vehicles that aren't properly supported - the list is endless.

Lastly, the guy who looks like Ron Jeremy is a complete idiot. That demented forced laugh is like fingernails on a blackboard. I can't believe he's the best friend of the guy who owns the junk yard and is the star of the show. Avery was enough to make me stop watching after a few episodes.

So, if you like restorations that are cobbled together from a bunch of random vehicles and seeing incompetent people almost getting maimed, Rust Valley Restorers might be for you. If you're an automotive purist and can't stand idiots, you probably won't enjoy the show very much.

Nomadland (2020)

I Don't Get It!

[4/10 · 8 August 2021]

So, was this boring, plodding movie actually nominated for an Academy Award? I was expecting something really good and instead felt like I wasted 2 hours and $7. I couldn't help but compare this movie to "Into the Wild" which is a far superior movie and in some ways almost seems like a crossover. The kid the main character runs into a couple of times in "Nomadland" could be Christopher McCandless, the tragic young guy who dies a lonely death in the wilds of Alaska.

I really didn't care about the main character in this movie. She seemed like a bit of a moron. If you haven't seen "Into the Wild," skip this boring, dragging, overrated piece of crap and watch that instead.

Surfer, Dude (2008)

OMG, don't waste a Minute of your time on this POS Movie!

[1/10 · 6 March 2021]

I'm normally a fan of late night comedies but this is pretty much unwatchable - even for me. It also illustrates the point that just because someone has enough star power to make whatever movie they damn well please, they shouldn't.

Stupid beyond belief and unnecessary gross. I would have expected this from some dumb 18 year old trying to break into show biz, not someone with the track record of Matthew McConaughey who's actually a pretty good actor.

Don't even bother.

War of the Worlds (2019– )

OMG, this is boring!

[2/10 · 29 October 2020]

War of the Worlds is a great story but this has to be the most boring interpretation of the classic tale that I've ever seen. The first episode wasn't bad - very ominous and a great intro to what I hoped would happen in subsequent episodes. However, three episodes in, the only thing that's happening is a bunch of people doing a lot of walking around. Where the hell are the tripod walkers?

The robotic dogs are somewhat menacing but I'm guessing the guys who made this series are big fans of "No Country for Old Men." The dogbots kill their victims with a thing that looks like the cow killing device used by the killer in the Coen brothers movie. Surely they could have come up with somewhat more high tech weapons for the dogbots - like lasers mounted on their frickin' heads

The killing of children is pretty upsetting and totally uncalled for. A better story and writing would make it unnecessary to resort to blatant shock tactics like that.

I'll give it another episode but if the tripod walkers don't appear I'm done with this dogbot of a sci fi series.

Parasite (2019)

I don't get it

[4/10 · 27 April 2020]

I honestly can't understand how this movie won the Best Picture Oscar. I don't know if there was any controversy surrounding its selection, but if there was, I would say it's justified. Forget star ratings, I can gauge how much I enjoy a movie by the number of times I pick up my phone or go get a snack or go to the bathroom without pausing it. I spent a lot of time looking at things on my phone during Parasite.

It's a somewhat entertaining movie and it's kind of interesting to see how people live in Korea but it's not believable and certainly not a great movie. The Tarantinoesque bloodbath at the end just makes it even less believable.

LIke I said - I don't get it.

Ozark (2017–2022)

Started Strong, now it's Just Stupid

[2/10 · 9 April 2020]

Oh darn, the season 3 curse has hit this show too. Don't know if this is an actual phenomenon, but season 3 of Ozark sucks just like season 3 of Stranger Things did. Both series started really strong and then they fell flat on their faces. The writing is just terrible now and the characters have become sad caricatures of themselves.

The machinations of Marty and Wendy have gotten so ridiculous and over the top it's laughably bad. The stories have gotten stupid and the series is incredibly predictable. I know everything that's going to happen long before it does. No surprises or suspense. Bateman acts like he's on nova cane. The unruffleable exterior thing is just annoying now and completely unbelievable. It's gotten to the point where I hope Marty and Wendy get killed so if the series continues, the focus will be more on believable characters like Ruth and Wyatt.

Should have ended it after one season.

Rocketman (I) (2019)

Couldn't even get through this dog of a Movie

[2/10 · 28 January 2020]

I thought this movie would be more like *Bohemian Rhapsody," - an entertaining telling of the story of Elton John using his actual music. Instead, it was some weird phantasy with terrible dance numbers and even more terrible music. I watched it on Pay Per View and wasted $7 because I couldn't get through the whole thing. A movie has to be pretty bad for me to not finish watching it after I've paid for it.

Even if you're a huge John fan you'll probably hate this movie.

Wild Wild Country (2018)

Interesting but Really Boring

[3/10 · 27 April 2018]

I remember hearing about what was going on in and around Antelope, Oregon in the early 80's. I saw news reports showing people in red robes wandering around with machine guns and wondered if this was going to be Jonestown redux.

Over the years I've wondered whatever became of that whole issue so I was quite interested to see this series on Netflix.

First off, Ken Burns doesn't have to worry about losing his "King of History Documentaries" crown. While interesting, I find Wild Wild Country to be incredibly boring. The first episode seemed to be five hours long. Tons of long interviews and equally long pauses, and endless video clips and photo montages that could have been shortened. A lot of the people they interview are really boring too. It's like accidentally striking up a conversation with the most uninteresting person at a party.

What the Rajneeshees accomplished was pretty cool but not really surprising. After all, a lot of them were really intelligent and highly educated people, and they gave tons of money to Osho. They had a huge tract of basically undeveloped land to turn into a commune. So, it's not really that big a deal.

In the end, Rajneeshpuran didn't last very long (although the movement that spawned it is still going strong). Yeah, they committed some crimes and there were allegations of sexual stuff but compared to what's going on in the world today, it was pretty tame stuff.

I really think that this whole thing could have been told in two hours. That would have kept it rolling along at a pretty good pace and prevent it from getting really, really boring.

I've been watching this at work during lunch breaks. I definitely won't be binge watching it like I did Westworld.

The Outsiders (1983)

Great Cast of Unknowns

[7/10 · 13 March 2018]

I read this book in high school and watched the movie many years ago. I watched it again this past weekend for the fun of it. Overall a pretty good movie and it's really cool to see all of those young, soon to be Hollywood heavyweights in one of their very first, if not first movie role.

The very worst part of this movie - the soundtrack. The music is absolutely horrendous. Francis Ford Coppola hired his father Carmine to compose the score and it is just awful. During dramatic moments in the movie, the music sounds like something you would hear in a kindergarten class - lighthearted, more like a carnival ride than a death scene.

Other than the terrible music, still a very watchable movie.

Schitt's Creek (2015–2020)

Like Trailer Park Boys, it's not Funny Anymore

[4/10 · 23 January 2018]

I enjoyed Schitt's Creek for the first couple of seasons but I'm afraid it's run its creative course. It was really funny at first, and it was great to see legendary Canadian entertainers Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara again. However, the subject matter has really changed of late and to be honest, I just don't find it funny any more.

Alien: Covenant (2017)

Such High Hopes after Prometheus

[5/10 · 21 January 2018]

Ridley Scott has gotten into the habit of killing off key characters between films. He did it to Newt and Corporal Hicks in Aliens, and now he's done it to Dr. Shaw from Prometheus.

Alien: Covenant could have been such a good movie. I really liked Prometheus and I thought Covenant would answer a whole bunch of decades old questions like where did the Aliens come from. In a sense, Covenant does answer those questions, but it's a shame that it's not a very good movie.

Shouldn't be surprised though - the Alien series has been very up and down. A few of the movies have been great, but some have been real dogs. I wouldn't call Covenant a dog, but it's a close all.

At the end of Prometheus, Shaw and David's head take off in one of the Mesomorphic Aliens' ships to go find out where they came from. In Covenant, a Colonization vessel picks up a stray transmission (where have we seen that before?). The signal originates on an uncharted planet that's suitable for human settlement and it's only a matter days off their course.The captain decides to send down a landing party. Of course, the transmission was from Shaw.

After they land, the landing party finds evidence that someone was there before them and of course all hell breaks loose. Turns out, that this is the home planet of the Mesomorphic aliens and David and Dr. Shaw made it there safely.

David has been a very naughty robot. He actually used Dr. Shaw in his own perverse experiments to create the perfect alien predator. He also destroyed the entire native population of the alien world. Even David's new and improved brother Walter, who's travelling with the colonists, can't stop him.

Scott doesn't bother to explain how Shaw was able to fix David when his head was completely torn from his body. At least we find out where the Aliens came from though.

One by one the crew members from the Covenant are wiped out. Even Walter is apparently destroyed by David although we don't know for sure that he's dead. Maybe he'll chase down David in the next installment.

I figured out that David was impersonating Walter with 10 minutes left in the movie. At the end, David, still pretending to be Walter, tucks the one surviving crew member into her hibernation pod. Just before she drifts off into cryo sleep, she (can't even remember her name, that's how memorable the characters are) realizes that David has control over the ship, her, and the 2000+ colonists. The nightmare has begun.

While Alien Covenant does answer a few questions, it's a really disappointing movie.

Dunkirk (2017)

Doesn't Live up to Hype

[4/10 · 8 January 2018]

It's not that Dunkirk is a bad movie - it's just not anywhere near as good as just about everyone made it out to be.

First of all, the actual event involved the evacuation of 400,000 troops and hundreds of small boats. The movie does not capture the grand scale and immensity of Dunkirk at all. With modern film making techniques it couldn't have been that difficult to make the evacuation look like the huge event it actually was.

Also, the aerial combat scenes were laughable. An airplane here, an airplane there. Lone bomber sinks just about every ship it attacks. One Spitfire runs out of fuel but the pilot glides around for what feels like 15 minutes and even manages to shoot down a Stuka before landing, wheels down on the beach to be captured. Pretty laughable.

The acting was okay but none of the roles were particularly challenging. Maybe a lot of the hype was generated by the presence of Harry Stiles of One Direction in the cast. He's no DeNiro and the role didn't need him to be one.

The scenes of ships being sunk were pretty harrowing though but they aren't really enough to make this movie into more of an event than it really is.

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)

OMG, what a Stupid Movie!

[3/10 · 2 January 2018]

I'm sure St. Elmo's Fire is considered to be a defining 80's movie, and the ship that launched half a dozen careers but good grief, it is a stupid movie. Nuf said.

Canadian Pickers (2011–2013)

A Good Show that Got Stupid

[4/10 · 20 February 2017]

I liked Canadian Pickers when it first started. It was a nice change from the faux drama and aggressiveness of the American Pickers. The hosts were easy going and didn't try to pressure sellers into selling them their stuff for next to nothing.

Then it got stupid. Like American Pickers, they eventually added a cast of supporting characters who added nothing to the show. They also added faux drama and the Pickers started to act like jerks - aka the American Pickers.

I started watching the series again recently because they've been showing re-runs. There's still good info to be had for people who are interested in antiques, but I can't say I'm sorry the show was cancelled. In the later episodes, it had become just an annoying as American Pickers.

London Town (I) (2016)

Let's Leave The Clash out of This

[5/10 · 23 January 2017]

I liked this movie more than I thought I would. When I first heard about it my first thought was "why not just watch Rude Boy" if you want to see a great movie about The Clash.

As I discovered, this isn't a movie about The Clash and Joe Strummer at all. In fact, they didn't even need to be included. It's really the story of a 15 year old boy who's forced to grow up in a big hurry.

Shay lives with his dad and little sister in a suburb of London. He clashes with his father, who owns a piano repair shop and drives a cab to make ends meet. Shay is bullied by other kids in his neighbourhood and dreams of moving to London and living with his mother who ditched her family and is now living in a squat. Shay somehow thinks that his father is a loser and he's the reason his mother took off.

Shay's dad, who is actually a good, hardworking man but a bit broken, sends his son off to London to pick up some piano parts and he meets Vivian, a punk girl, on the train. She introduces Shay to the music of The Clash, and when he gets back home at the end of the day, he begins to transform himself into a punk.

Shay's dad has an accident moving a piano and is laid up in the hospital for several weeks. This is where the movie gets really interesting. Shay is forced to step up and take care of his little sister. He learns how to drive his dad's cab and does everything he can to try to keep a roof over his little family's head. He goes to London and tracks down his mother who turns out to be a promiscuous, drug and alcoholic abusing wannabe musician who you know will never make it.

Eventually, Shay realizes what his mother really is, and that his dad is a good and decent man. Along the way, he meets Joe Strummer. There are actors playing the rest of the band but I don't remember any of them saying a single word in the movie - as I said, this isn't a movie about The Clash. Shay gives Strummer a lift in his cab (while he's dressed as a woman so he looks older), romance blooms with Vivian, and he learns what his father has to deal with every day.

Eventually, Shay gets into a tussle with some skinheads at a Clash show and ends up in a jail cell with guess who, Joe Strummer. He discovers that Vivian is actually a rich girl (but a really sweet one) and he breaks it off with her. He ends up back at home, determined to save his father's business and enlists Joe Strummer's help to make it happen (without actually asking Strummer). Again, another appearance by Joe Strummer that's not very realistic and not really necessary - the story stands on its own.

I'm a huge fan of The Clash - they've always been my favourite band but I thought their inclusion in the movie was unnecessary. Perhaps it was a marketing ploy to draw Clash and punk fans to the movie. What I found most interesting about this movie was the family dynamic, and one kid's struggle to survive in malaise era England. It's a great story and really well played by all of the actors in a very watchable and entertaining movie.

Kevin Can Wait (2016–2018)

This Show is Just Awful.

[2/10 · 6 December 2016]

I loved The King of Queens - the writing was brilliant and there was amazing chemistry between all of the cast members. Kevin James is a very funny and talented man and he's a master of physical comedy.

However, this show is just plain terrible. The writing is horrible and it simply isn't funny. There is absolutely no chemistry between the cast members and too many of the cast members add absolutely nothing to the show.

I have to say that this is probably the first sitcom that I've ever watched without cracking a smile. I hoped that it would get better as the season went on but it hasn't and frankly, I've lost interest in watching it. In fact, the only reason I've watched it for as long as I have is because Kevin James is in it. If it was any other actor, I would have stopped after the pilot.

At least I still have The King of Queens which I consider to be one of the best sitcoms of all time (along with Seinfeld and the first five seasons of Cheers).

Superstore (2015–2021)

OMG, this could be the worst sitcom ever made!

[2/10 · 7 October 2016]

How this dog of a series has lasted as long as it has is totally beyond me. Then again, idiotic shows like Big Brother, The Bachelor, or The Bachelorette just keep going and going and going.

I've tried watching this a couple of times and gave up in disgust. First thing they need to do is get rid of the guy playing the Manager. Not funny at all. Secondly, get rid of the writer. He can't write comedy to save his life.

There's absolutely nothing good to say about Superstore. I gave it 2 stars just because I was feeling generous. Really, it deserves 0 stars. This show is just awful. Terrible characters, terrible story lines, godawful writing. I seriously think I need to become a screenwriter because even I could write better stories than this clunker.

Don't waste a second of your time on this crap.

Working the Engels (2014)

Hilarious Series - Hope it Lasts

[8/10 · 26 May 2014]

Hilarious show about a young lawyer who sets up her own office in Toronto. Helping her out are her mother, played by the brilliant Andrea Martin, her loopy sister, and her habitual criminal brother.

Working the Engels brings Canadian comedy icon Andrea Martin back to prime time TV. You might remember her from SCTV, the comedy show that made SNL look like crap. Martin portrayed a number of priceless characters on SCTV and after years of absence, it's awesome to see that she's just as funny as ever.

This show is very, very funny. The acting is excellent and the story lines very well written and hilarious. If you haven't seen it, check it out. You might just become a regular viewer.

Say Anything (1989)

Unlike fine wine, this movie doesn't get better with age.

[3/10 · 12 July 2010]

I saw this movie when it first came out and seem to remember not being overly impressed with it. When they recently showed it on one of the movie channels, I decided to watch it again, being on a bit of a "nostalgia for the 80s" kick. Turns out, the movie still sucks. Seems to me that even though John Cusack is a very good actor, every character he played during the 80's was exactly the same. He always played the quirky, self effacing guy who dressed funny. This character is exactly the same as the dude he played in "The Sure Thing." In the scene where he's holding the ghetto blaster over his head, I was hoping someone would shoot it out of his hands. I liked him a lot better when he was an extra in John Hughes' movies.

It's no wonder the girl's dad didn't want him around - what dad would want a 19 year old loser who's career goal is to be a kick boxer or his daughter's full time boyfriend to follow his daughter to England where she's going to be studying at a prestigious university? They should have made a sequel where they continue their relationship for a couple of months before the girl realizes what a loser this dork is and dumps him for an intelligent, ambitious guy she meets at university.

Then, Cusack's character could have wandered around Europe for awhile, being a big baby and then joining the Army. That might have made the movie more interesting.

Surviving Picasso (1996)

Misleading title, bland movie

[4/10 · 23 May 2010]

From the title, you would think that this was a story of terrible abuse and torture. In reality, the heroine has a pretty nice life with Picasso. No real abuse - the dude could be a pain, selfish, and insensitive, but who isn't? Picasso was kind to his other 'families,' and sure, he kept other women around, but if I was Picasso, I would too. If my wife didn't like it, she could just leave. I'm Picasso, I can do whatever I want.

The movie was well acted but the story was boring. I kept waiting for something interesting to happen but it didn't. It was well filmed, locations were okay. There should have been more nudity because I'm sure the real Picasso had a studio full of lovely naked girls. That would have made the movie more interesting.