LithKnight Reviews

Epic Movie (2007)

Wow did this movie suck. Far worse than I expected.

[1/10 · 19 July 2007]

I know that spoof movies are always so-so. I know this one got bad ratings. But I sort of like spoof movies so I rented it anyway. When I say this movie sucked it is an insult to the word suck.

There is very little to like about this movie. I guess the sets and costumes are pretty good so the visual aspect of the spoof works. But the writing is SO bad there is no saving it. It just isn't funny.

This movie was Battlefield Earth bad. This movie was Ishtar bad. This movie was WORSE than Catwoman or Krull. Seriously, don't give it the benefit of the doubt and "give it a shot". You will regret it.

It's in the IMDb bottom 100 for a reason.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Tedious, boring, pointless formulaic drivel mostly copied from better works.

[2/10 · 24 January 2005]

This movie is so bad it is hard to know where to begin. This film plays like a film school project where the assignment was "take random piece of horror films and randomly edit them together to make a new film".

The film starts out OK. There are a few decent characters and the suspense builds a little. Then it takes a hard turn for the worst. For the rest of the film we are subjected to every horror movie cliché in the book. Each scene is worse than the one before it almost daring you to laugh.

If you like thought provoking thriller... forget it. This is a mind numbing exercise in 2nd-rate gore. If you like extreme gore-horror... forget it again. The special effects are so cheesy and over the top they lack and substance. If you like a fast paced thriller with surprises..... sorry forget that to. This film is predictable and boring.

Rob Zombie should hang his head in shame. After seeing the final cut of this movie he should have taken his name off of the film and released it under a fake name.

I gave this movie a 2, since there were a few good parts in the first 15 minutes and there are a couple of decent characters at first. But in the end it was a challenge to even sit through the film all the way to the end. When the end came, I regretted my fortitude.

Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)

Of course it's not fair, it's an opinion piece!

[9/10 · 28 June 2004]

If you are looking for a fair and measured evaluation of all of the facts you can skip this movie. This movie is an opinion piece and thus one sided. Criticizing it for being one-sided only proves that you miss the point.

This movie represents how many of us see the Bush administration. Little Dubya was a lousy student, a lousy national guardsman (drugs), a terrible business man, and now he is a lousy president with lousy taste in advisors.

The movie uses actual footage to illustrate many of its main points. Thanks to clever editing these bits of footage are often very funny. The packed theatre I saw this movie in laughed often and laughed loud.

Hard core Bush fans will dismiss this film outright (probably before even seeing it) Bush hater will find the movie very amusing as Moore pokes fun at the Village Idiot in Chief.

However, if you are on the fence you might want to see this movie for yourself. Many of the facts presented are a matter of public record. When you see them all pieced together to paint a larger picture you might be suprised what you see.

Read the reviews that bash this movie carefully. Most of them seem to be more anti-Michael Moore or Pro Bush than actually about the movie.

The movie itself is entertaining, interesting, and scary whether or not you plan on voting republican in November.

(And to everyone outside of the USA: We're sorry. We will try to do better in November. Give us some time.)

Club Dread (2004)

Love Super Troopers - This movie dissapointed

[3/10 · 3 June 2004]

I really liked Super Troopers. It was VERY funny. When I heard that Club Dred was by the same people I rented it without even reading reviews. That was a mistake.

This movie is just sorta sad. It limps along not entirely sure if it wants to be funny or scary. It ends up being neither.

The characters are played with high camp. that would be fine in a silly comedy romp, but this movie looks like it is trying to be semi serious (although I will admit it i hard to tell what the intention really was).

A few parts are worth a smile or chuckle, but it never reaches laugh-outloud-funny like Super Troopers. As a horror/mystery movie it is also weak.

In the end this movie make me wonder if Super Troopers was just a fluke. Or did "the funny guy" leave the company? What I know for sure is that this movie is pretty lame overall.

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

I am a die-hard Bruce Campbell fan, but this movie was SLOW

[3/10 · 28 May 2004]

Let me start by saying that I am a huge Bruce Campbell fan. I was pre-disposed to like this movie just because it was him. That said, this movie was slow and painfull. The movie as not very funny, nor was it particularly thought provoking, interesting or exciting. It seemed a little bit too much like REALLY being stuck at an old folks home.

I can sort of see what they were going for. The movie attempts to connect on multiple levels. The surface story is clearly a metaphor for something more serious. (avoiding spoilers here). But all of this subtlty is wasted when a movie isn't enjoyable.

If you are expecting a typical Bruce Campbell romp (which would be reasonable given the silly name of the movie) you will be dissapointed. If you want a strange, methodical, and thoughfull movie you might like this movie, but you might not. I can;t really recommend it on any level.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Ok, so some people will not appreciate it...

[8/10 · 13 October 2003]

It is clear that this movie was not designed by committee to appeal to everyone and their little old auntie. I think most fans of QT will like this movie to.

<spoilers ahead ... you have been warned >

Plenty of people have explained what is good about this film. There is no need for me to repeat it. Instead, I would like to respond to some of the negative reviewers who appear to have missed some major points or simply went to the wrong movie (for them).

For those who do not understand the use of animation in the middle of the film... The young girl of eleven kills the man who murdered her family. To do so she preys upon his pedophile nature to get close to him and kill him. How could this important back-story have been filmed any other way? With a real 11 year old girl? No thank you. The use of animation allows QT to examine this subplot without flinching. I thought it was very effective and the animation was very well done. The animation also served to highlight how those scenes might be perceived by a child... Surreal.

As for QT just cashing in, I would say the opposite is true. This film shows such loving craftsmanship in every second on the screen that even if I hated the film I would feel like it wasn't due to a lack of QT trying. Every detail, every scene, every musical note seems hand selected for effect.

The bleeping of the character's name makes poetic sense. She is nobody. She is vengeance. She is the weapon as well as the wielder. Her individual name will not be hers again until she has done what she must do, or perhaps it never will be. Bleeping her name highlights this fact better than simply not saying her name. It is done to make a point. (she who must not be named?)

We are not necessarily supposed to be sympathetic with the bride. She was, after all, a hired killer herself. Instead, we are supposed feel sympathy for what she represents. Or perhaps we are to fear what she has become. Perhaps a little of both.

For people complaining about the lack "reality" (yakuza using swords, etc.) I really think they went to the wrong movie. This movie is a visual portrayal of the fury of pure vengeance manifest as the human we know only as "the bride". In kabuki the bride would probably have been wearing a demon mask! It is not supposed to be realistic in the physical plane at all. It is realistic on an emotional / metaphysical level. It is not about the physical appearances, it is about the feelings and the motivation. (besides, do we really need ANOTHER gun shoot-em-up movie?)

I will agree with the detractors on one point. This film does not have the punchy dialog and snappy pacing of Pulp Fiction. I was slightly disapointed in that area. However, this might not have been a mistake, but rather by choice. The bride is alone. She does not have confidants or friends. Even the sword maker (sonny Chiba!) who helps her has very little to say to her. Having been "killed" and reborn as a demon of vengeance she is now apart from the world. Perhaps the lack of dialog was intended to add to that feeling.

Lastly, to those who are preoccupied with the notion that there was too much blood.... What did you expect a sword fight to produce? Puppies? When people fight to the death with swords I think the ONE thing you can be sure of is that there will be blood and gore. Modern movies and television skirt this issue and perhaps have tainted people's expectations.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

This boring, tedious, pointless plotless snoozer is the real horror

[2/10 · 15 August 2003]

I just don't know where to begin. Maybe I will start with the positives... There are a couple of decent performances here (the shopkeeper for one). The gore effects are only sometimes good, but if you are a fan of gore films this might suit your taste. In fact, this movie wallows in gore. On to the problems... first and foremost this movie plays like a sophomore "Cinematography 101" project made by a C- student. Cheezy use of negative colors, slanted cameras, flash backs (and any other film cliche they could find) constantly taunt you about how bored you are. There is no real plot (like many horror flicks) yet somehow it keeps reminding you that you are wasting your time. Maybe because it has nothing new to keep your attention? There is not even a clever ending. in fact there is a HUGE cliche ending.

Overall summary: 88 minutes of painful boring drivel.

I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 because fans of gore flicks might like this film. (Probably with the sound turned down and the stereo cranked)

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

It takes some maturity to see past the immaturity

[10/10 · 28 February 2002]

Yes this film is vulgar. Doody jokes, fart jokes, dick jokes, gay jokes, they are all in there. If you will be unable to see past that, this is not a movie for you. If this sort of things makes you put up your shields and assume the worst, save yourself some money. (and stop reading this review)

However, if you can see past these purposeful offenses and scratch a little deeper you will be rewarded with wit and insight of Kevin Smith. To the people who dismiss this movie as immature I propose that perhaps the lack of maturity that ruined the movie for you was your own. Kevin Smith did not invent the comic device of using shock or offense to make a point. He has simply taken it to a different level. Kevin Smith is a true master of satire. With each offensive joke comes a bit of witty dialog that seems to wink at you as he lets you in on the real joke.

The juxtaposition of the vulgarity and stupidity on the screen with the cleverness and thoughtfullness of the writing is amazing. Kevin Smith's ability to maintain these two layers at the same time is awesome. And he makes it look easy.

The movie feels very much like one continous stream of thought. That is pretty incredible considering the obvious care and craftsmanship that goes in to each twist and turn. The ability to make this level of complexity look trivial speaks well of Smith's abilities. The next step beyond being good at something is making it look easy.

I thought this movie was very funny. There were some references I did not understand since I am not well versed in Smith-Lore. That did not prevent me from enjoying this movie. It may be the funniest film I have seen in the last year. Perhaps longer.

The many cameos by famous stars add to the fun. They make fun of their previous works, and recap their roles in previous Smith films. They also look like they have having a great time.

See this film!

Han shan fei hu (1982)

This is by far the very worst movie I have ever watched more than once!

[5/10 · 30 June 2001]

This is by far the very worst movie I have ever watched more than once. From the cheesey editing, silly sound effects, flying people, all the way through the "borrowed" music from Flash Gordon you have to keep watching (like train wreck) to see what will happen next. This film is so bad that it can wrap back around to good with a few friends and a few drinks.

The martial arts action is outrageous but enjoyable. The poorly translated dialog borders on MST3K material by itself.

If you like stupid chop-suey flicks, this is the king.

I had to give it a 5, right in the middle. Is it so bad it's good or so good it is bad?

Knightriders (1981)

If chivalry, honour and principle matter to you so might this movie.

[9/10 · 24 June 2001]

Ok, first of all I will admit that this movie looks silly. Knights fighting on motorcycles filmed on a low budget could only look so good. But, scratch past the surface and the film works on many levels.

Without spoiling any plot twists... this is the story of a man's struggle to live his values a build something bigger than himself. He knows what is important and he knows it is worth fighting for and suffering for. We watch the king as the people around him either rally to the cause or have their own crisis of faith. If you have ever felt that there is a higher code to live by you will recognize the struggle and sympathize with the character.

To really enjoy this movie you have to see past the dated look and the roaring motorcycles. Once you manage to do that the film will reward you. If you can't get past the surface and experience the soul of this film it is your loss.

Ed Harris is awesome and the king. Brother Blue is excellent as Merlin. Patricia Tallman (Lyta from Babylon 5) is even in it as a silly giggling townie. That alone is worth the price of the rental.