jamesbloke Reviews

The Peter Serafinowicz Show (2007–2008)

Manure.

[1/10 · 20 October 2007]

What a pile of rubbish. I have only watched the first episode - I haven't wasted my time on any more. It was mixture of the really obvious (punchlines signposted right at the start of the sketch, for instance) and the downright weird (Kitchen Gun!!!).

There were only two things which mad me laugh in the first episode. The impression of Alan Alda was absolutely uncanny. The other was the robot presenter of the Jeremy Kyle-type show: "I detect that you have a p***s".

The bloke does have some talent, I admit. His Terry Wogan (as exhibited on "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross" last night, is also spot on.

The Day of the Triffids (1981)

Great TV sticks in the mind.

[9/10 · 9 April 2006]

I remember watching this BBC version of "The Day of the Triffids" when it was first shown (1981?). It has stuck in my mind ever since as being a really great series. I didn't remember that many details (except the final scenes where the survivors drive through the fence and out of their triffid-proof enclosure to new life somewhere else), only that I really enjoyed it. Then two or three years ago I saw it at the National Film Theatre in London and it all came flooding back! Now I am watching the DVD.

I have only listened to an abridged audio book so I can't comment on the faithfulness of the adaptation, but I can say that the characterisation is good, the acting (especially John Duttine) is excellent and the special effects are good enough to serve their purpose. Remake? Noooooooooo!

Messiah 2: Vengeance Is Mine (2002–2003)

Mediocre. ** SPOILERS FOR THIS AND MESSIAH 1 **

[24 August 2003]

I wondered about several things whilst watching this.

1. How come two of the police officers held their ranks after the first film; Red Metcalfe had to confess to the hit-and-run accident which spawned the first killings and Neil Dudgeon's character had been suspended for revealing details of the investigation to the press. How come they hadn't been drummed out of the force?

2. Vincent Regan's character here is an inspector, yet he is seen about 15 years earlier, as an inspector, when he could only just have been old enough to have joined the force! Even if he had joined early and risen to inspector very quickly, how come he is still an inspector after 15 years?

3. How could a tiny woman like Emily Joyce have killed all those men in such a physically demanding manner?!

4. Metcalfe is sometimes seen having to sign to his deaf wife, because she can't lipread, but sometimes just speaking to her, indicating that she can. Make your mind up!

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Moore's best Bond film.

[8/10 · 4 May 2003]

This film returns to the depiction of Bond as what he should be: an official government enforcer, rather than the playboy of other films. The humour is not allowed to take over the whole film. The only funny bits I remember are: the escape from Gonzales' villa in the 2CV; when Bond meets Q in the Greek church (Bond: "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." Q: "Well, that's putting it mildly, 007!"); and Janet Brown and Johns Wells as the PM and Denis Thatcher,

The girls (women?) are OK, if a bit wooden (Carole Bouquet and Cassandra Harris) and just plain irritating (Lynn-Holly Johnson).

Topol is good as Columbo (I get the comparison with Karim Bey - loyal and unflinching but with an enormous sense of fun and just a little bit dishonest (Columbo doesn't smuggle drugs)).

And it doesn't end entirely satisfactorily either, which is good: Bond is forced to destroy the ATAC system after all to prevent the Russians from getting it.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Irritating

[5/10 · 4 May 2003]

Herve Villechaise, Britt Ekland, Clifton James, Maud Adams, Christopher Lee (surprisingly), the plot, the theme song, the martial arts, all irritating.

And the bit where Q and a colleague deduce the origin of the gold in the bullet (from that woman's belly button) just by looking at it - puhleeeeease!

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)

One of the worst

[4/10 · 4 May 2003]

This film is irritating in many ways:

George Lazenby, who just can't act;

Diana Rigg, who can most definitely act, but seems to choose not to in this film;

the love story between Bond and Tracy: irritating for a Bond film anyway (even though, according to the contributors who have read it, it follows the book quite closely - must have been a disappointing book?) but there is no chemistry between the two actors;

all of the women in this film, come to think of it: irritating, just irritating;

George Baker's voice (as Sir Hilary Bray) being dubbed over Lazenby: did the makers think we would forget that Bond is undercover as Bray?;

Tracy's father, a Mafia boss, seems to know that Bond is a secret agent: isn't he supposed to be a _secret_ agent?! That's a complaint I have with many of the Bond films, but then to add to it, his boss turns up to his wedding?!?!

Sorry, I just don't get when people say that this is the best Bond film.

The Office (2001–2003)

Comedy?

[1 February 2003]

"The Office" is not funny at all. I tried watching the first episode when it was first repeated on the BBC and switched off after 10-15 minutes.

Many contributors say it it true to life, but you just don't get all these over-the-top characters in one office. Everyone who says it is true to life must be working in offices where all the other people they work with get right up their noses! The characters are sad, not funny.

Ricky Gervais cannot act. All he seems to do is play himself. At least, I see no difference between Gervais (when he appears on chat shows, etc) and David Brent.

Finally, contrary to what some contributors have said, you are definitely NOT missing out if you don't watch "The Office".

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Too many special effects

[5/10 · 1 February 2003]

In episodes 4, 5 and 6, the special effects never overshadowed the fantastic story George Lucas was trying to tell. He had to invent the special effects needed to move his story along. Result: three of the best films ever.

In episodes 1, 2 (and, I suspect, 3), the special effects very definitely overshadow the story. Rather than concentrate on the story, we have the inclusion of lots of special effects just for the sake of it. The story suffers as a result.

It's also worth pointing out that a big mistake was made using techniques which were not available for episodes 4-6. Using contemporary special effects makes 1 and 2 look far more modern, and therefore much more like a sequel than a prequel, than 4-6.

Die Another Day (2002)

What a load of rubbish!

[1/10 · 29 December 2002]

This is the second worst Bond film ever (top honour (!) goes to Moonraker).

The plot is rubbish. For instance, the idea of sending loads of diamonds into space to make a big laser - I'm sure I've seen that before somewhere... I'm sure the writers call it paying homage to previous Bond films - I call it stealing other peoples ideas because you don't have any of your own! And using someone else's DNA to change identity????????????????? Oh yeah, for the record: ALL diamonds are chemically the same - they are pure 100% carbon.

The gadgets are just nonsense. The gadgets have always been almost believable, but an invisible car??? Saints preserve us!

The acting is terrible. Halle Berry is awful (wooden), Rosamund Pike is even more awful (more wood than Epping Forest!), so is just about everybody else (yes, even Dame Judi Dench and the gorgeous Samantha Bond).

It was good to introduce Cleese as "Q" alongside the dearly departed Desmond Llewelyn in the marginally better "The World is Not Enough", but even though he acts well (that is to say, he is the best in this film) he has turned out to be humourless and emotionless.

Brosnan started out great as Bond, even though the film (Goldeneye) was utter pants. He has now been told he is the best Bond since Connery, so has decided to start acting less. He breezes through this film as Pierce Brosnan, not as James Bond.

The special effects are strange, too. Mostly we have loads of special effects just for the sake of it. Sometimes we have special effects in order to depict stunts which are just not possible otherwise (the helicopter crash). In one instance, however, (the surfing scene), the effects are just not up to the job, and it just looks like bad animation.

The Winslow Boy (1999)

Disappointingly lacklustre

[27 August 2002]

The script was OK, but directors seem to insist on monkeying about with excellent plays (for the worse) but in this case the effect is slight.

The acting was mostly ordinary, even from Nigel Hawthorne who falls short of his usual excellence. Jeremy Northam was OK, but he is too young to play Sir Robert Morton, who is supposed to be much older.

Rebecca Pidgeon was truly terrible as Catherine (expressionless and unemotional), which is a shame because this is one of the key parts in the play.

On the whole, very disappointing.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

Rubbish.

[17 February 2002]

I agree with most of the people who said this film is crap, which it is, but nobody seems to have mentioned the total implausibility of Laurie being where she is. Can she really have been through University, gone into teaching, raised a child on her own, be an alcoholic AND risen to be the Principal of a prestigious private school in the space of twenty years?

I don't think so.

Messiah (2001)

Pretty darned good. *** SPOILERS ***

[6 February 2002]

You cannot go far wrong if your cast includes Ken Stott, Neil Dudgeon and Edward Woodward. The acting is excellent from the above, and most of the rest of the cast.

The script is also pretty good - a really original story and some excellent dialogue (although one or two cliches and over-used plot devices do work themselves in).

I must correct one of the previous comments - it is not Red Metcalf, nor any of the other police officers who discover the pattern to the murders. Metcalf sort of finds out by accident, and the gaps are filled in by the Reverend Stephen Hedges. It's not until a while later that Hedges spots the connection with the victims occupations, and it's not until ages after that they notice that the dates of the murders are on the relevant Saint's day! This is one of the first things to check, surely?!!?

Unfortunately, upon reflection, several other holes in the plot emerge, large enough through which to drive the proverbial double-decker bus.

But on the whole, whilst watching, Messiah is excellent.

Conspiracy (2001 TV Movie)

Hideous, but brilliant!

[10/10 · 2 February 2002]

I cannot think of much more to add to the previous comments, because most others have said that the film is fantastic, which it is. I would like to say two things, however.

Some people have said that Stanley Tucci is out of place, because he doesn't look like Eichmann. I can only think the inclusion of one lone American is to make the film marketable in the USA. I believe this may be why we so often have a single American in British films, e.g. Gwyneth Paltrow in "Shakespeare in Love" and "Sliding Doors" and Renee Zellweger in "Bridget Jones's Diary", both playing English people in all cases.

Secondly, I have only really seen Colin Firth as Mr Darcy in the BBC's "Pride and Prejudice" and in "Tumbledown" about a soldier injured in the Falklands conflict, as wasn't terribly impressed. But in "Conspiracy", he is a revelation. He makes a speech about how clever Jews are, and what the rest of the world might think about the Nazis if they exterminate every Jew indiscriminately. Brilliant.

NCS: Manhunt (2001 TV Movie)

Rubbish!

[8 April 2001]

How nice to see sooooo many fine British actors making complete idiots of themselves in this programme! It was laughably bad. The Comic Strip couldn't have made a better job of sending up the genre! If you didn't know it was supposed to be serious, you'd have sworn it was a spoof.

Miss Marple: A Murder Is Announced (1985)

Not complex at all

[1 April 2001]

The plot _is_ a little more complex than most of Christies, but this only _adds_ to the plausibility of the outcome. Most of Christie's plots are about skeletons in cupboards, hidden secrets, that sort of thing. There are just more in this one, but it's no more complex than, say, a Robert Goddard. Are you sure you were paying attention?!