arric Reviews

You Got Served (2004)

Title alone

[1/10 · 11 March 2004]

I haven't even seen this movie. Yet simple based on the title alone, which for me is battling Ballistic: Ecks vs.Sever as worst movie title EVER, I have to get it an honorary 1. Wish I could give it a negative 4.

Yes I have seen the previews and this looks like a male version of that stupid-ass cheerleader movie Bring it On. Why don't they simply call it "No You Dzind't" (say it phonetically and wag your head and finger) and get it over with. Has street culture so permeated all culture that even a freaking "dance off" can be made to be badass?

Please.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Vile trash

[1/10 · 22 August 2003]

Someone said it best when they said that this movie did not "need" to happen. Unlike every other movie where the plot is an inevitability, if the one girl had not yelled at the slut daughter while she was doing her Betty Boop routine than we could have ended this train wreck at minute 41 of the movie.

Rob's movies appears to be what every art student would dream to have: Tons of cash to play around with filters and special effects and color schemes. Look what I can do? Color negative and long shot for no reason. and you don't mind if I take just a bunch of weirdo killers and throw in the most bizarre nonsensical hell under ground too do you?

After writing this i am going to read the positive reviews and try not to wretch. wish me luck.

Bowling for Columbine (2002)

insightful

[8/10 · 15 December 2002]

I have always been wary of documentaries or any other film for that matter, be it the evening news or 20/20, where they surprise someone at their home and thrust a question in their face that they most assuredly do not want to answer, and then show that split second of film as proof that said person is obviously wrong or at fault. I mean, who would want to be confronted with any bad deed they did by a live feed to the world while you were eating Cheetos on the sofa? I sure as heck wouldn't.

But then again, you do not want those you are asking the question to, to have the chance to prepare a bullcrap answer either.

So I went into this movie wondering which side of the fence I was going to fall. I fell where I liked the movie.

While not really answering the questions he posed as a main thesis for the movie (a point we have all learned to utilize well in essay in college and if you are in college here's a hint...pose tough questions your professors can't answer...A+), Moor does make it think while the hell we as Americans seem to be so damn violent. I still don't know and neither does this film tell us. But it is good food for thought and a good film.

Where Eskimos Live (2002)

Not too bad

[7/10 · 15 December 2002]

Driving thru Park City on a frantic trip to get back to Pennsylvania before law classes started again I was happy to be able to get into any movie, even one that sounded like it was going to be a 90 minute Warholesque still shot of an igloo.

However, I was pleasantly surprised to get an drama spliced with some action with I guess a touch of realism thrown in for good measure.

I am not giving away much of the plot to say that Hoskins is basically a man trying to get a child out of a war torn country. You needn't know much more than that. It could be set in any country during any war but the fact that is is so close to the present gives it a very cool feel. If you are looking to be blown away but want to have a pleasant movie experience I say check this puppy out.

Chuck & Buck (2000)

Sorry but no (slight plot lines revealed)

[3/10 · 2 November 2002]

In this day where we are supposed to applaud the small movie maker and his quest to bring us something different, I have to vote nay on this piece here. From the Ooodley song which will forever be on my list of most hated things ever, (up there with Hitler and Astroturf) to the, well we might as well have one more night of sex, I just could not get into this movie.

Yes it portrays people in all their awkwardness and inability to come up with the right or clever lines to say at the right time but I go to movies to see that. If I want annoying or weird I will hit the local supermarket or Dollar Store.

That being said, I probably could not do better. Either way, not impressed here.

Jason X (2001)

Got to love this stuff.

[8/10 · 27 April 2002]

I gave this bad boy and 8 but I am quite biased. I freaking love these movies. But I am not so biased that I gave it a ten. Just like the way that Jason Goes to Hell did not deal with the ending of Jason Takes Manhattan, this movie did not deal with Jason Goes to Hell. Call these movies stupid but at least for the most part they have a continuity. And when people say "Jason is always coming back form the dead" I have to say that that did not happen until the 6th installment people!

But I digress. I enjoyed this movie. It wasn't scary (heck they haven't been scary since I was 12). But it was enjoyable. And the way the movie pokes fun at the whole series near the end (in the hyper-reality room) is very nice. Quite humorous and shows that the makers had a good time.

Perhaps my want for another installment has blinded me to good quality but I was first in line to see this movie when it came out. So when are they going to explain Jason 8 and deal with the finale seconds of Jason 9? That I want to know.

Where Eskimos Live (2002)

Solid effort

[7/10 · 20 January 2002]

Perhaps it was because I had missed two other movies because the Sundance volunteers couldn't give directions to save their lives (only partially kidding, I know there were some people there who were doing great work), but when I finally got to actually see a movie at this year's Festival I was excited to begin with. But being the cynical b***ard that I am that excitement would have worn off if the movie I was watching would have sucked. Luckily, it didn't.

Expecting a semi-documentary on grainy film focusing in on igloos, I was surprised to see a surly Bob Hoskins fill the screen. In your typical An-American-passport-will-get-you-through-almost-anything sort of way this movie progressed rather nicely. (What's with movies where the local "police" feel free to take passports? e.g. The Mexican and this movie) What are they going to do with them anyway?)

It tells a story that is not so heartwarming when you find out certain things about Hoskins character but he does a nice 180. How he finds the little fella he is escorting across the border after they separate is a slight suspension of disbelief but was done in a charming enough way that I was willing to do so.

A little harder to believe was the pride of the little boy in some scenes. When give the ability to get out of his war-torn country he definitely displays some spunk that I don't know would still be present in a small child in the middle of the war. But children and movies surprise us all the time.

Check this out when you get a chance.

Memento (2000)

A shining moment in 2000

[9/10 · 20 January 2002]

After a dismal year in movie that included both critically acclaimed but truly awful movies like Sexy Beast And Mulholland Drive, when I reflect on 2000 I think of Memento as a shining star. As one of the few movies that has ever kept me guessing until the end it is one of those rare movies where once the novelty of the surprise ending has worn off, you can still watch it again. The Game starring Michael Douglas has a great ending but after viewing the picture once, is the thrill still the same? No. but with Memento it is more the journey, as wonderfully confusing as it is, that makes the trip worth while. Top 3 best movies of 2000, hands down.

Sexy Beast (2000)

Vile piece of dung

[1/10 · 20 January 2002]

Perhaps my disenchantment with this movie comes from the fact that I wanted to see it long before I actually was able to. When it came to a Theatre in my small town of Carlisle, PA (not a cineplex but one of those one screen old school places that smell of dank memories and cheap popcorn) I was entralled. About 17 minutes later, or whenever the boulder finally made that infamous plop, I quit caring. Critics have said that Kingsley gives a stellar performance here and perhaps he does. If he was meant to play an ultra-annoying person who I wanted to die immediately if not sooner that the Oscar is his. But the rest of the movie is so poorly thrown together around such a threadbare plot that I almost walked out of the theatre. Only my knowledge that I alone had wanted to see this, not based on the reviews of my friends or critics, kept me in my chair. But an eternity later, I left with such a bitter taste in my mouth that even SnowDogs looks like it would be a better flick.

Ghost World (2001)

Almost

[4/10 · 20 January 2002]

This movie had such a decent start that I thought it would make me forget Sexy Beast, the last movie I had seen before it. But it fizzled out and stay fizzled until the very end. Thora Birch's character's desire to be different reminded me so much of those in high school who were different just to be different. But they did it in large groups of people who were all different in the same way. Sort of like the phrase "I am unique, just like everyone else".

Her and Steve B. played decent roles but their movie was not given all that much meat with which they could sink their teeth into. Watch it and perhaps you will find more to like about it then I did but I think it failed in places it could have achieved and reached for places it should have not dared. And if you are a perv looking just for Birch's breasts, watch American Beauty instead.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Don't believe the hype

[1/10 · 9 January 2002]

Movies that force you to watch, simply compel you to think because they are multi-faceted and well thought out are few and far between. This "movie" is not one of them. It is convoluted, confusing for no reason and I was always waiting for a midget to appear as it would have made as much sense as anything else in this horrible film. Undoubtedly, there will be accolades and awards for this film and that is fine. That is Hollywood handjobbing its own. But if you want the straight truth, this movie is the longest 2 plus hours I have ever spent (not counting Titanic). It starts out with such great potential that its failing is even that much worse. There is a point where it gets, to put it plainly, stupid as hell. You no longer want to suspend your disbelief and no longer want to trust that the movie will make any sense at all. I know this is what some people will say is the point of the movie. But if a movie makes you think, that is one thing. If a movie makes you ponder why the director was ever given money to make such drivel and it only makes you think because the film has no genuine purpose and exist, as does so much of David Lynch's work, to be weird and confusing just for the sake of being weird and confusing then it is not really that impressive. Most of us could make a confusing movie with inane plot twists and strange characters, especially if we never had to make any sense of it. But most of us did not, somehow, convince people we were a good director. I strayed away from much of the movie itself as I was so disappointed with it that there was not a great deal to say that was good about it. The dual role of the blonde was a great performance in so that I did not really realize it was the same woman. Kudos to her. But her over the top starstruck new girl in town first bit of acting was so silly that I forgot the rest. There are so many loose ends in this film that I hope you are not a person who enjoy movies that make sense, much less movies that have a tidy ending. This does neither.

Bully (2001)

Craptastic

[2/10 · 1 November 2001]

If you enjoy horribly acted, pedophilic, jerky action films then this is your flick! From the same man who brought you "Kids", we get yet another voyeuristic romp into the lives of worthless teens and older who f*** a great deal. And if you like to watch little kiddies get it on, then ala "Kids" you will again be able to legally get your rocks off! Once can be called edgy and avant-garde if it has a story but twice to direct a movie like this is what they call a "condition". Avoid this movie.

Sexy Beast (2000)

Big Disappointment

[1/10 · 1 November 2001]

There were few movies I was looking forward t seeing more than Sexy Beast. In my little hamlet here in Central Pa I never expected to see it until it came out on video. So you can imagine my excitement when it came to an independent theater. And you can imagine how disappointed I was when this movie sucked rocks! I half to say that this is one of 3 movies in my life where I almost walked out of the theater. I know my opinion is only my opinion and I do not want to go into it too much but Jesus everything about this movie was horribly wretched.

Have a boil lanced before you wasted 90 minutes of your life on this dreadful piece of trash.

Memento (2000)

Gotta see this movie

[9/10 · 31 October 2001]

What a spectacular surprise. In this horrible movie-year this is a breath of fresh air. "Wait, he's chasing me" is one of the best deadpan lines I have heard in quite sometime. It's too bad that this movie only received a limited release (at least in my part of the country). Do not miss this great flick.

Unbreakable (2000)

bad follow up

[4/10 · 26 November 2000]

At so many points this movie had a chance to branch out, in a multitude of different ways to be a good movie. It never took that branch. It could have been funny, dramatic or full of suspense. The director, whose name I can't spell without murdering it, tried to make up with whole thing by having another twist at the end, but that was too little too late.

The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Pleasant Surprise

[8/10 · 1 March 2000]

Matthew Perry is going to have to live with a curse. That curse is that whenever you see him, you think of "Chandler Bing". The moment I knew that this was a good movie was when I no longer saw him as Chandler but as Oz.

This movie is not a laugh a minute. But it is without a doubt a giggle a minute with a few fall down laughs. It is cute and funny and somehow makes hitmen lovable. The cast is well put together even though Kevin Pollack's little speech impediment is a tad annoying. Yet the cast meshes regardless. And if you don't cheer when OZ gets the girl (I will not reveal which one) you might have lost some mirth in your heart. Maybe this movie will help bring it back.

The Curve (1998)

You've got to be kidding me!

[1/10 · 21 February 2000]

In another botched attempt to cash in on the teen age slasher revival that Scream started (which even with its two sequels hasn't been able to equal it self) this horrible film is a waste of time. Yes there is a twist at the end but ...big deal. It sucks. Please save your time and money doing more useful things. I wish I had. Or watch it just to appreciate its sheer suckiness.