chengiz Reviews

The Way Back (I) (2010)

God awful and clearly based on a fake story

[2/10 · 15 September 2023]

How anyone can read that book and think it's real is one thing.

How anyone can read that book and think it's worth making a movie out of is another.

And then to make a really bad movie, where among other things, no one seems to be in any major discomfort at any point, and an English rose looking person is supposed to be a street and starvation survivor, is a third.

How Peter Weir can make Master and Commander, and then this utter tripe is something else altogether.

(On the plus side, Colin Farrell actually took the trouble to act, lose weight, and look unkempt in the movie. He's the only one who seems to have bothered about anything at all).

Spencer (2021)

Inexplicably boring

[3/10 · 24 February 2022]

Love them or hate them, the royal family with all its scandals and ceremony is interesting. Yet somehow Spencer manages to be boring. How do you take an interesting subject and only use it to show you can hold the camera weird and play "discordant jazz"? Reminded me of Brian de Palma doing it, but at least they were action movies, and involved more than one person in scenes. Kristen Stewart is otherwise good but does an annoying breathy voice. Juries love that though.

The Invisible Guest (2016)

Lmao preposterous

[4/10 · 16 June 2020]

I went to Imdb after watching this movie thinking people would have made fun of it, but 8.1? 8.1?? Did y'all watch the same movie?

It was full of dialogue of the form: A: Tell me a story. B (tells a story for no conceivable reason). C: No, this is the way it happened. D: No, this is the way it happened. (repeat ad nauseam)

I fell asleep about 20 minutes before the movie ended. A great night's sleep too. Then I caught the reveal the next day. And I was laughing.

I ask again, did y'all watch the same movie?

The Ascent (1977)

Beautiful but hamhanded

[5/10 · 14 November 2018]

The cinematography and art direction are wonderful but the movie is let down by a heavy handed and overwrought direction and screenplay style. Aspiring art movie makers tend to go weird when straightforward would work better - this is no different. I suppose the actors would be good normally but they are asked to emote too much. The Jesus-Judas motif is also not very subtle. I didnt even end up feeling empathy for the characters, which should have been easy to do given the story. Russian art movies are usually better than this - this is quite the rare failure.

Peter the Great (1986)

Poor screenplay lets down what could have been brilliant

[6/10 · 13 May 2018]

The production of this series is top notch and a treat. The sets, the snow, the costumes, everything is brilliant.

The casting and acting are respectable as well, although I'd have liked to see a taller, fitter Peter. At one point an out of shape Schell huffs while liting an axe then wields it with the wrong hand. Peter, always described as tall, strong and with boundless energy, would disapprove.

What truly lets down this series however is the scriptwriting. Here you have a great story, a stellar cast, and all the right ingredients, but the screenplay is a series of shockingly fake sounding set pieces. It's just a mystery to me with all the nice things this movie has to offer why they couldnt have come up with a better script.

After the battle of Poltava, Menshikov says to Peter, "You have saved Moscow" and Peter says, "We have secured our access to the sea". Really? You're gonna announce the conclusions of a battle you just fought like you wrote a term paper? This sort of thing abounds in the series. Another example is the highly unnecessary and historically doubtful "Peter in Newton's lab" scene. It's like their research dug up that Newton was around at the same time Peter was in England, and hey let's have them meet. Then it's also the struggle between keeping things chronological yet interesting, which kinda falls flat. Peter talks about St. Petersburg from a rather early age, and builds it only towards the end of the movie. It's never really shown. That is like one of his most interesting achievements and the screenplay pays it the usual lip service.

This could have been so much better.

Hamlet (1964)

Not for non-Russian speakers

[4/10 · 26 April 2018]

The subtitles on this one are terrible. Shakespeare's actual words come up about half the time; the rest of the dialogue is untranslated. If you know the story, it's at best a waste of time: the entire *adaptation* aspect is lost, and even so *you* are filling in half the story. If you dont know the story, it's probably impossible to follow. The adaptation may be brilliant but it's a form of masochism to watch for a non Russian speaker.

Bleak House (2005)

Weak in technical aspects; some good actors (Gillian Anderson isnt one)

[6/10 · 31 March 2018]

This felt like a low budget adaptation. The sets and production values were not very good. The music was awful. Dull camerawork too and what's with the closeups? Is that to hide the poor production?

Some good acting (Timothy West as Sir Leicester, Burn Gorman as Guppy, Charles Dance as Tulkinghorn, Denis Lawson as John Jarndyce) saved the series. Anna Maxwell Martin as Esther Summerson initially gives the vibe of Jennifer Ehle in the excellent Pride and Prejudice, but pretty soon it's evident she's not quite in that league. The worst acting in the miniseries is by Gillian Anderson. She must have read somewhere that a stiff neck and sideways glance and slightly open mouth makes you a lady. By the end I wanted to forward every scene she was in because I couldnt take it anymore.

The Reader (2008)

Prime example of why normies look down upon art movies

[4/10 · 15 February 2018]

• Kate is awesome, looks like a Nazi, but overacts when old.
• The movie made me cry. Out of boredom, for a better movie.
• Liam-Ray Neeson-Fines's character is dumb. You cant tell someone is illiterate after spending a summer with them, READING to them? So what, "Pass me the War and Peace. ... No, the other War and Peace that you cant lift with two fingers (eyeroll)" never happened?
• Also he's boring. He even walks boring. He EXISTS boring. Maybe that's the idea, Idk he's probably a method actor, but why am I watching a boring guy in a movie?
• He reads War and Peace, Huckleberry Finn, The Odyssey, Lady Chatterley's Lover, Tintin comics, Chekhov, etc. All of them over ONE summer. Whilst sneaking from home/school. ALOUD. I'm reminded of Woody Allen saying, "I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in four hours. It's... about Russia."

The Road (I) (2009)

Laughably bad

[4/10 · 5 July 2017]

We'll adapt this book The Road. It's post aloca... apola... acopalyctic and the scifi sort will love it. We'll put a grey filter on the camera so people figure out it's bleak. Story's got nothing, we can make it for peanuts. Oh we will show Viggo's butt coz he thinks that's method acting. And let's put Robert Duvall in there for two minutes to show we know what the good stuff is, and this was a con all along.

Seinfeld: The Nose Job (1991) Season 3, Episode 9

Very un-Seinfeld

[5/10 · 18 December 2016]

As a big fan who has watched the series many times, I can categorically state that the chess match between brain-Seinfeld and penis-Seinfeld has to be the absolute worst scene in all of Seinfeld. What were they thinking? Jerry can't act! Don't give him stuff to do by himself! Especially stuff that's not funny in the first place! The scene belongs in some third rate sitcom in the 70s! What is it doing in the best comedy series of all time? Other parts of the episode too suffer from some cheesy direction and dialogue. For example, the intercuts to the elevator don't work, and certain dialogues run a tad too long ("Shut up George" should have ended it; why the "Shut up?" "Yes" "Interesting" that follows?). Seems to me some cast member or someone wrote this one. It's just not right.

That said the main story with the nose job is a little funny. Still, an easy contender for one of the worst Seinfeld episodes.

First Contact: Lost Tribe of the Amazon (2016)

Sorry little docu sucks at telling what appears to be a very good story

[4/10 · 2 December 2016]

An uncontacted tribe emerges from the jungles of Amazon, due to an unsolved killing possibly by Peruvian paramilitaries or drug traffickers. The resulting contact leads to some friendliness with a more developed native community that can sorta speak their language. This leads to some humour (tribe thinks anthropologist's team cant sing), but also a lot of suspicion, a killing of a young man from the community by the tribe, revenge on the tribe by the community. Also someone sleeping with the tribe's chief's girl etc. Sounds fascinating right? There's a story there right? But no. We get this documentary, which totally sucks at any sort of narrative that could be exciting. Even the interesting bits here are the events themselves, there's nothing the movie adds, you could be like reading text on screen. Why couldn't they hire a real screenwriter to do this? What a shame.

Stoker (2013)

A truly godawful film

[2/10 · 2 November 2016]

There are so many, so many things wrong with the film, I do not know where to begin. Why does the movie hint at suspense but reveal less than half way thru? Why are people helping (housekeeper) or not-outing (aunt) the madman? Why is it okay for people missing never to be reported or investigated? Why is this murder gene there and how does he know it is there in her? Why is the sheriff murdered? Why is Nicole Kidman playing another redheaded manic pixie milf? Why is the setting English with housekeepers and cooks and yet in the US? What are rich people doing going to govt schools on a school bus? Why are modern cars being driven but attire and bullies are from 30-40 years ago? Why are they hunting birds with rifles?

Aandhi (1975)

Rated classic from past is a silly sexist damp squib

[4/10 · 28 August 2016]

The aandhi (storm) in this movie is a controversy - lasting about ten minutes in film time - that erupts during an election, where a woman candidate is character-assassinated for being seen walking with a man (no not a euphemism, but the literal truth). The storm is resolved when it is revealed (not to us, we already know, but to the electorate) that... drumroll... HE IS HER HUSBAND! Then she wins the election! The storm was evidently of the teacup variety.

The acting is kinda wooden by Sen though she looks good in the role; her Hindi accent and diction are terrible. Sanjiv Kumar is good but his character is basically boring, he could do this role sleepwalking. Om Prakash is good and the only character in this film who is not boring to watch.

Gulzar is a very good poet but not a filmmaker - his direction falls short. There are some overlong scenes with uncertain pauses, and things that would have been useful to show to not make the movie drag so much are not shown (wouldnt it have been nice to at least have a scene with the daughter and explore the mom leaving her with the dad?). Oh and forget how somehow no one knows that a popular politician and daughter of a famous businessman has had a husband and child in her past. There's also the small things. In one scene, Sen is facing the camera gesturing at Om Prakash with her right hand, and then the camera angle changes to her back and the hand changes to her left.

The movie insists that both husband and wife are equally responsible for the break up etc, but really the Sanjiv Kumar character goes thru the movie insisting upon his dues as the husband. This dynamic is realistic for the times, but is dated now. And even for those days the touching his feet at the end was uncalled for. Movies such as this make me realize how good it is that India has liberalized over the years.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs (2016) Season 11, Episode 5

Easily one of, if not the, best episode of the series

[10/10 · 25 August 2016]

I grew up in a big city and couldn't tell you how many times this episode made me think of my experiences with small town/suburbs. They took these experiences to a surreally funny level, and it just totally worked because everything at the base of the idea was spot on. The only thing that is not great is the whole bet idea which should have been tighter given how great the rest of the writing is. There are some sight gags you'll miss because they don't draw your attention to it, so watch with peeled eyes. Recent seasons haven't been good, so I'm glad I didn't give up watching this series. Just a great episode, and one of the finest sitcom episodes of all time.

Fandry (2013)

Superb movie, astonishing debut by Manjule

[10/10 · 8 June 2016]

As a Maharashtrian I have watched the new wave of issue-based Marathi movies with interest. However so far most of them have been of the sort "let's turn this one idea I have into a movie", which accompanied with little directorial talent (forget an auteur's voice) has resulted in preachy, repetitive, artificial, and broadly underwhelming films.

But this, this is the real deal. Rarely do you see a director this perfectly in control of what he wants to say in a way that his movie primarily remains a movie and does not become a lesson, and yet hits you hard. This movie has been vaguely marketed as a love story, which I find ridiculous because it is nothing of the sort (the love interest does not even have a line). It is a movie about adolescence and hopes and caste, just about regular old real village life from the point of view of a young boy. There is not a moment of artifice in it, everything is real and honest.

This is top quality, Oscar worthy work, with echoes in the movie-making and storytelling of Shyam Benegal (Ankur etc), Premchand (Godaan), Majid Majidi (Children of Heaven), and even Terence Malick (Days of Heaven) for the imagery. I haven't seen Sairat, yet I'm calling it - we have a true great in our midst.

Sound of Heaven: The Story of Balgandharva (2011)

Good production values, overrated in everything else

[4/10 · 13 May 2016]

• Production values are top notch. Everything is done well, the costumes and sets are superb.

• Bhave acts like his part was a Sant in an old B&W marathi movie (think Arun Govil in Ramayan for a later reference). Gives the movie an unnecessarily saintly and holier than thou touch.

• Direction is totally subpar. There is no narrative. People appear and are told to us as having done things and having meaning to the story, but they were never introduced. Who was it that left in a huff when Balgandharva decides to collaborate with Keshavrao? Multiple people die during the course of the movie, but the same scene plays out to establish all deaths (Bhave is doing natak practice, people's faces are shown fallen, Bhave says what happened, news of death is broken). I mean come on. The language is highfalutin. Who the hell says "Rasikaprekshanna" in conversation? The scenes of overspending and debt are repeated over and over again. The tone of the movie is "life of a saint" when it should have been "life of a *human* artiste" (indeed the story plays out as the latter, so the tone is just very odd).

• The worst thing is Balgandharva was above all a singer, and singing is given short shrift in the movie. Natyasangeet is an excellent art form, and I give kudos to the movie for making it popular again, but honestly, they have not done a good job of showing it. They have over-ornamented the orchestra, and undercut the sangeet itself. (Rahul Deshpande's Ravi mi, at only two and a half minutes, is the best song in the movie, and is not sung by "Balgandharva").

• Same thing about the sangeet nataks themselves. There is very little in terms of their story or impact (and no, showing people yelling at shopkeepers for not carrying the saree from the natak is not impact, it's gimmickry).

• Overall this is the kind of movie that wins national awards in India and tugs at people's heartstrings, and is made with good intentions, but as a disinterested viewer, the outcome falls quite short.

War and Peace (1965)

Mixed bag

[6/10 · 28 February 2016]

War and Peace the novel is so long its length has entered popular culture. So a four part, seven plus hour movie adaptation of it makes sense. But not if you're gonna devote a quarter of it to just one battle. I don't know if the Communist party was responsible for the third part, but it just drags. Yes, it's very real, and I love realism in a movie, but realism is not *sufficient*. The battle sounds superb on paper, certainly *looks* like the costliest battle ever shot, but it's a poorly directed, boring, overlong, confusing mess. The first two parts of this movie were very good: the balls, the duel, some of the soliloquies (the one where Andrei's first wife dies got to me), the scene where Rostova dances in the caretaker's place (also the best scene in the book, by the way). Yes, it's a little dated - everyone seems to act too much with their faces, and the voiceovers tend to be a tad much at times - but it's par for the course. What I minded was the third part bringing this movie down. It recovers somewhat during the fourth, but you realize it's no longer a masterpiece as you'd formerly hoped. Also, Bezukhov (Bondarchuk himself, sadly) is too old and too fat.

Psych: Psych: The Musical (2013) Season 7, Episode 15

Staggeringly bad episode

[2/10 · 24 May 2015]

Terrible musical numbers. Who wrote them? They should not be allowed near a writing device again. Complete lack of continuity (chief de-suspended? Juliet forgot Shawn isn't a psychic?). What was the point of the fairy tale book thing? Is this a fairy tale or a musical? Yang has always been annoying but this scaled new depths. The actor playing Shawn's ego scaled fresh heights: is he attempting to jumpstart a singing career or something? The plot was nonsensical. And pretty much the only funny thing in the entire two hour long episode was Gus singing Jamaican at the end. This episode was like watching an Ed Wood movie.

The Onion Field (1979)

Good first half, poor second half

[6/10 · 7 September 2014]

Most people have commented here about the film being let down by a rather slow, poor and melodramatic second half. I agree but won't dwell on it since it's already discussed by better reviewers.

So let's discuss the acting. James Woods is very good as Powell, the main villain so to speak. Danson is very good as one of the detectives. Unfortunately, Savage (who plays the other detective) is a mediocre actor, and Seales (the other criminal) is awful and seems to have walked out of a 1930s theater with his hamming (there's no other word for it).

The direction is tight in the first half but pretty much loses it in the second. I give it points for honesty and not going for gimmicks etc, but it doesn't do the truthful storytelling very well. The director should have known his limitations and tried to go for a more entertaining angle. It'd have been nice to see more of the early Powell and his attempts at crime, and a longer set up of the post crime events and how the two come to be caught. This could have been a much better movie.

The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: Deception on His Mind (2003) Season 2, Episode 4

Maybe the worst one of the series

[5/10 · 23 August 2014]

I am a fan of the series but this one falls way short. Firstly, Havers's character in this is completely wrong. She is too diffident, too easily ruffled, too quickly taken to task (by Lynley as well as Barlow). And just how are we supposed to believe she is interested in someone who talks derogatorily of English women? It does not make any sense. Further, without giving any spoilers, there are unnecessary changes made to the narrative structure which not only violate "if it ain't broken don't fix it" but also stretch the viewer's credulity. In a similar vein, the action sequence at the end does not belong at all in the series. Even the directorial touch is wrong with the constant closeups of faces. It's as if they thought let's do one about the Pakistani community and the hell with everything else. Despite the pretty decent plot, this episode just does not belong in the Lynley canon.

Andrei Rublev (1966)

One of the greatest movies of all time

[10/10 · 10 June 2014]

You cannot see this movie without being prepared. You want to see it preferably alone with no disturbances. And you need patience and the right mood - contemplative, philosophical.

This movie is an experience. I have seen nothing like it and doubt I ever will. I am a cynic by nature yet this movie completely affected me, even though I cannot put a finger on why. I broke down and wept at the end of the bell making scene. It was a spiritual experience.

Andrei Rublev was my first Tarkovsky which helped (he does get repetitive across movies), but it's still easily his best work. In my opinion, that's because this movie proves that art and hard work are not mutually exclusive, but in fact good art *requires* hard work. Just notice how much vision and effort has gone into the last bell making scene. Also the raid scene, the orgy scene, the violence, all these are impossible to be art without the effort.

I feel like I'm overselling but this movie is a masterpiece. Watch it.

Law & Order: Criminal Intent: Identity Crisis (2009) Season 8, Episode 3

One of the best

[10/10 · 5 January 2014]

The Goren stories were quite disappointing in season 7. When you find yourself looking forward to Noth, you know something is amiss. Season 8 replaced Noth by Goldblum, whom I *cannot* stand at the best of times. That was an inexplicable move, I mean what were the producers thinking? Who next? David Caruso? The team from CHIPS? So I was at a point where you just go thru the series because that's what fans do.

Well, this episode came as a shot across the bow for me. HS, that was a great episode. The story, the acting, the direction, everything was top notch. I almost teared up at the powerful last scene. And Goren is finally back - I cannot stand it when the episode focuses on personal stories rather than the real stuff, so this was very welcome. The director, Michael Smith, seems to have done some stellar work on TV, I hope he makes it big in movies as well. Can CI be back at Season 8 episode 3?

Palkon Ki Chhaon Mein (1977)

Terrible film, zero continuity

[1/10 · 19 September 2012]

If you want to see Rajesh Khanna's hair change from his older short style to his newer "sufi" style and back every five minutes, see this movie. At one time he gives a letter to Hema Malini and has short hair and is cleanshaven. In the next scene he has crossed the street to give a letter to Farida Jalal and here he has long hair and a two week beard. Just an awful movie. Couldn't bear to watch more than half an hour. I want to know what the other reviewers here were smoking when they saw this movie. The kindest thing I can say is that perhaps the director (Meraj) signed Rajesh Khanna by mistake, and lacked the budget to work through the superstar's eccentricities.

Nostalghia (1983)

Not much here to offset the pretension

[4/10 · 24 March 2012]

Tarkovsky being pretentious is like Lucas using CGI; but he is undoubtedly a genius - because of his other films. In Andrei Rublev, you can see his sheer hard work: events unfold before your eyes - the balloon, the clown, the orgy, the raid, the awesome bell - all these scenes are masterpieces. Solaris has the mood and sets done just right, which causes an overwhelming uneasiness in the viewer.

Nostalghia has nothing of the sort. I actually didn't mind the last couple of scenes - the immolation and the candle. It was the rest of the movie that was - how shall I put it - duller. Tarkovsky is just being lazy here. Not only has he given up any attempt at hard work, he repeats and re-repeats himself - from his own other movies and then within this movie itself.

The scenes of things under water - done in Andrei Rublev. The family life scenes (including ending) - same as Solaris. Rain inside house - cf snow inside church in Rublev. Philosophical conversations about the same old topics - done better in Rublev. Fog - done in Solaris. Unblinking closeup of painting - you get the idea. Even the immolation reminds of the cow being set on fire in Rublev. There is little that's original here - the baths, the candle scene. That's about it.

If this is your first Tarkovsky you might like it better. But this is a pretentious, unoriginal, tired work with few redeeming qualities.

A Breath (2004)

Extremely overrated movie

[3/10 · 1 May 2005]

Shwaas may have a good story, but the director is utterly devoid of talent. He does not know when to stop. When the story calls for people to act confused, there are ten minute scenes of people miming the act of confusion. When the story calls for a little background history, there are ten minute scenes of Konkan's greenery. When the story calls for a kid throwing tantrums... you get the idea.

Not to mention the extreme closeups so that you can count people's nose hair. There are movies that should be seen on a big screen, this movie should be seen on a 13" TV. Also Amruta Subhash who plays Asavari is the worst actress I've seen in quite a long time. A normal human being would need to practise overacting for years to achieve what she does so effortlessly.

I give it 4/10 solely because the subject matter is different, and the story is not bad. The fact that a movie like Shwaas gets to be India's entry to the Oscars tells volumes not about the state of Indian cinema but the state of Indian judging committees. A movie is not good just because its subject matter is arty.