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Narcos (2015)
A great start, then 'clunk'... What the ...?!
You really have to wonder what the writers are imbibing in when they write this stuff. Case in point: Season 3, Episode 3: the DEA and Columbian cops serve a warrant on a Cali brothers office. The Cali accountant is upstairs with a bunch of U.S. cash on the table and his notebook with all the secret names. Do the DEA find it? (I'm whispering here, good gracious I wouldn't want IMDb to think I was shouting... oh goodness...) ..... Of course not. (...is an exclamation allowed?.. oh goodness me, I don't know...) They're too foolish. Inside the large office they search all the clerk desks - But do they search the boss's office? Oh yeah, one guy walks around it, in the dark, for 5 seconds - It's all good. Meanwhile the supposedly smart DEA guy, he doesn't even think to go look himself. Come on. They pack up boxes of clerical stuff from the plebes BUT don't think to really search the boss's office. This story hole is as big as a black hole and just sucked the life out of me. I am in China, we don't get a lot of good Western movies or TV shows. When I find one I am so happy. And I was really excited about Narcos, just started it. This is the worst feeling ever - a show sucks you in with good writing then suddenly when you are hooked, a boot to the head. Nothing is more infuriating than this. Even worse, you have to wonder if the writers really care about the audience. Maybe cash is all they care about, sorry, is all they care about. I guess 'integrity' isn't in their lexicon, obviously. As a writer myself, it's impossible to see myself doing such an idiotic thing, like painting something marvelous then stabbing a hole in it. Brutal.
John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)
The 10 Sins Recanted - Wick Tops Action Hero List
Looked through some of the reviews and felt obligated to add my two cents, mostly because Keanu Reeves and I are both Canadian and with such a scarcity of Canadian movie stars I feel the need. And I like him too. I like how he hasn't got that one wonky bottom tooth fixed. He's genuine, the real deal; no steroids here, no fake teeth or hair.
But I'm here to talk about his latest: John Wick 2. And I'd like to deal with a review herein that lists 10 great sins in this movie. Let's deal with those: (sorry if grammar is bad, had to edit many times to meet this site's stringent rules; so I'm sick of editing now) 1. Nobody is afraid of him.... Only one stupid Italian guy named Santino isn't afraid; and he's obviously insane. The Russian guy at the start was afraid. And 'afraid' can be subtle, not everyone is going to flat out say this; and there are degrees of fear ie. deep anxiety about getting killed. I believe I saw this in the eyes and face of Fishburne, Cassian (woman's black bodyguard), and Ares, the mute bodyguard. Anyway, totally untrue statement by the writer; Santino took him on because Santino was an idiot (kills his sister), the black bodyguard dude was getting revenge/ doing his job after Wick kills his 'ward', but he can still be afraid. This argument is a non-starter. People fear The Batman, but they still want to kill him.
2. No character growth....... He has changed. By movie's end we can see he has given up on a normal life. He is back to his old self, a killer, with no delusions. He has given up his dream; now he will just kill everyone who comes. You can see it; his destroyed house symbolizes it, all his memories were there, now it's gone. You can see it in his face and his last line of the movie.
3. Weak plot....... good grief, it's hard to respond to such nonsense – tell me any action movie with a great plot! Virtually non-existent. C&R say the first Wick movie had a strong plot. What?! This new one actually has a twist, the old double-cross by Santino. Why didn't Wick just refuse Santino's original offer. He tried, and lost his house. But he still feels he has to try and be free, get back to his dream of normality, so he accepts. He likely knows Santino is a cretin with no honor, but Wick's dream is so important, he'll take the chance.
4. Body count......... It's a modern one-man vs. the world action movie. Let me help you out, the recipe for success these days in an action movie is more action; more action sells. Yes, high body count, very high, but watching Wick I can believe. Hey, Reeves trained heavy for three months for this role: fighting, weapons, and driving. He's not a typical action hero 'kay? He's a freaking assassin, dig? Why do bad guys keep coming? Uh, because they get paid a lot of money? Ummm, because they think it's cool to carry a cool gun and kill someone? Ah, because if they don't their boss will kill them? Duh, they'll be famous for killing Wick? Again, you could say this for every freaking action movie. Why do all those thugs fight superheroes like Wolverine – that's a better question.
5. Invincible........... well, at least he does get hurt, unlike so many action heroes that aren't even scratched after a major beating. Shot in the side twice by the violinist? Well, she was a woman, maybe carried a .22 cal. Shot in the side? Missed vital organs. This is common – Payback, 1999, Mel Gibson is shot twice at close range, in the back, with a .357 Magnum! He lives. Fistful of Dollars, 1964, Clint Eastwood 'Blondie' is shot 7 times! He lives. I could go on and on.
7. Gadgets: somewhat bulletproof suit, 'safe'hotel, silent silencers........ Sure, all of this is impossible.
8. Bad soundtrack........ This is a sin? OK, whatever you say.... It's not fantastic, but it's OK. Anyway, I am from the old days when a soundtrack was background, not in your face like today where it's so loud I can't hear the dialogue, now that is bad. The music here is not terrible. In fact, the weird music performance in the Roman ruins was pretty damn provocative. Don't want to buy the album, but interesting.
9. Pacing...... Action movie/ pacing? I'm confused. In any other genre this might be an issue, but action? Pacing? Sorry, I'm lost here. Action movies, the good ones, have only one pace – freaking frantic, with a few seconds here and there to get beer or hit the john. Any sentimental stuff should be minimal.
10. Rehashing things that worked in the first move......... So, everything that worked the first time – throw all of that out in the next movie! See how long you survive in Hollywood with that mantra: "It worked great before, OK, so this time all of that is out." Anyway, my work here is done.
But, the pencil thing, fantastic; the knife fight in the subway with Cassian... Holy heck, that was the best fight I've ever seen! I always loved the hand-to-hand in Bourne, but Wick would kick Bourne's butt!! He is da man! There is no other action hero comparable, hands down: fast, smart, skilled, determined, tenacious, implacable; but with the smallest touch of humanity even when doing his job – he let Fishburne live (years before), and Cassian (heart stab). Anyway, you can see Reeves training at work; really extraordinary fight scenes, and long, and intricate. That sells me on the flick right there.
We Were Soldiers (2002)
Close to the WORST war movie ever: can you say 'Jingoism'
If you have watched a lot of war movies, you'll know America has pumped out more than any nation, hence you've already had a taste of U.S. war propaganda: ie. a classic example is seen in this movie where every U.S. soldier who sticks their head up an inch is shot, EXCEPT for the commander who can strut around upright or stand stock still without even a wound. This represents American bravery, more accurately 'guts' or 'balls'. Another classic example goes as far back as the old Westerns, but it is such a well-loved cliché they use it ad infinitum - it is the scene where the enemy hurl themselves headlong into a slaughter while the Yanks hunker down and mow them down like wheat before a rainstorm. Yes, I know sometimes you have to rush a position but usually you'll soften it up first with grenades or mortars. The VC in this movie have about 5 grenades and no mortars, apparently. I like how the 1st platoon is pinned down with like 5 guys left and the VC just keep rushing in again and again - NOT throwing in a single grenade which would have finished it right there. These are just two of many examples. Good grief. I've heard of suspension of disbelief but this movie invokes suspension of total brain function. The first time I saw it I couldn't finish it. It's been a decade and I tried again today - desperate for movies here in China. Again, I couldn't cut it. Two-thirds through I pulled the pin. RIP you piece of crap. Even an old John Wayne movie is more real.
The Tourist (2010)
Another BLACKHOLE of IDIOCY: huge plot holes & sucks
I just reviewed Chaos, and this is much of the same. A great idea with lazy writing by some mentally disabled con artists who stole another idiots money to make this pile of steaming ____ (fill in the blank). OK, so it's entertaining in some ways, BUT to me that's not enough, the plot still has to hold together somehow. And I know all about 'suspension of disbelief', but this is just too much !! WORST OF ALL, the hole came right at the end of the movie, so they really sucked me in !! SO, Depp and Jolie are with the CIA or whomever, Depp is a master thief but has fooled the CIA. The climax comes as the REALLY Bad Guys want Depp to open a safe or they kill Jolie. Thankfully just as he is about to do it, the CIA kills the Bad Guys. Then there's a radio call that the Master Thief guy has been caught. ALL THE CIA AGENTS RUN AWAY AND LEAVE Depp, the real Master Thief, alone with his girl Jolie. With no one around except a bunch of dead guys in an expensive hotel suite, not even the manager has come around, Depp opens the safe and they run away with the money, AND give the 'finger' to the obsessed agent pursuing them.... YEAH, OK, MAKES SENSE TO ME ! d-OH ...
Chaos (2005)
Good idea spoiled by lazy writing = BLACKHOLE OF IDIOCY
I watched the whole thing, but was angry. I am A tolerant movie fan and will forgive many things -- BUT I WON'T FORGIVE HOLES IN THE PLOT which rival a black hole in space it is so freaking huge and sucks so bad. It began to form like this: this EXPERT group of thieves with high-tech equipment and a perfect plan rob a bank, AND one of them is even A FORMER DETECTIVE ! BUT SOMEHOW NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT LEAVING FINGERPRINTS !!!!!! Are you FREAKING kidding me !!! The computer hacker in the 'crew' leaves his prints all over the BANK'S COMPUTER !!?? THIS IS INSANE, STUPID, RIDICULOUS, ABSURD, IDIOTIC, AND INFURIATING. This clever crew has this really clever plan, but one guy leaves his prints... F - Me! As if that's not enough, after the robbery one thief, who's been to prison, goes to his girlfriend's house, which the cops have on record .... DUH !! I think I saw this in a 1930s gangster movie and it's been done 1000 times since then. Another crew member goes to his home. Smart! There are other problems too, but I've wasted enough time on this exhibition of idiocy they try to call a movie. How do they get away with it??! I hope someone lost a pile of money producing this farce.
Yi jiu si er (2012)
Ratings system a bit skewed ....?
Okay, first off, how can this rate 6.9 when by far the majority were 8 and higher...? Guess I could check my math but... gosh...
Next,a capsule statement: This is Chinese culture. This is something you'll never truly understand. But you should really try...
I have lived here in China a fair number of years (I'm Canadian). I'm still fumbling with understanding the culture. I mean a deep understanding, not Western superficiality. Try and recall, it's a culture of 5000 years, give or take. Western culture is sliver in comparison. Why? Because we in the West do not now live like the Greeks nor the Romans. Why? Because those cultures died. Sure, there are remnants, but sorry, they are freaking gone. But, the Chinese remain, contiguous, continuous, they never died. No one seems to 'get this'...
The world's oldest continuous culture. The West can't comprehend this.
Old culture is like 1970...
Moving on, it appears to me most professional reviewers (I use the term lightly) continue to judge Chinese movies in the context of Western cultural perspective. I suppose they believe that having thought they
deciphered French and German cinema, they now know the Chinese. Wrong again. No surprise frankly.
Chinese culture is so vast and so unfathomably deep, most will never truly understand unless you are born Chinese. It's called genetics.
It's called nature and nurture. It's called socialization of the human psyche. And it's very very very old... Western civilization is an infant in comparison.
But -- this is the greatest thing! It's called 'mystery'. It's roaming into a land undiscovered by yourself. Completely foreign. And then trying to piece together the meaning. It's like a treasure hunt.
Frankly, I've watched a lot of Chinese movies, sub-titled and not, old and modern. And these have frustrated me beyond belief. Even angered me. Why were they so damn depressing was my first argument. At the end I felt like crap. But also, it made me keep thinking, wondering, exploring this conundrum. It angered me, but it made me feel. It made me feel something I hadn't ever felt before. And I know foreign cinema.
This was different.
It made me think. A lot. About history, about China, about human nature, about cultural differences, about art. About everything; about existence, life. Its essentials, its irony, travesty, betrayal, joy, hope, good, evil. The complex mess we call human. (I use the term loosely.) I just saw this movie for the first time, shame on me. I have worked and lived in China for seven years off and on... Anyway, I had to give it a 10 due to the 'other guy' (euphemism of for dork) gave it a '2' because it wasn't a 'leisure' film. I think this pretty much sums up the problems in today's world. It's called 'narrow-minded'. And that's another euphemism for a word I prefer not to write, being a gentleman an all.
So, back to the point, another classical Chinese movie plot done with modern artistic verve. Classical as in almost everyone dies, anyone you thought was the hero dies, and no happy ending in the true sense. And yet done with a modern cinematic panache.
And as I said, a deep-thinker's movie, with many unanswered questions.
About life and living. About the true mysteries.
Take a chance and give your brain a cultural work-out. I'm still out here on the playing field trying to learn. See you there...
Satan Never Sleeps (1962)
Ending unreal -- but actress Nuyen is WOW!!
It begins slow but builds, then falls on its face with an ending that is way beyond suspension of disbelief. But in that regard it mirrors many of today's movies so... I found the first half though to be ENCHANTING. Yeah, yeah, not a man's word but in this modern age of wholesale murder and chaos and a cinema that basically thinks that isn't enough and has to exaggerate further to the point of bloody insanity, this movie enchants. The chemistry and interaction between the old priest (Webb), the middle-aged priest William Holden and the young Chinese woman (France Nuyen) is touching and hilarious. I cannot recall a modern movie that made me laugh out loud like this one. It's not slapstick or stupid lines involving sex or bodily function, it's subtle and pleasant, two things long forgotten nowadays.
Father O'Banion (William Holden) and Father Bovard (Clifton Webb) are a couple of Catholic priests running a remote mission post in China in 1949. O'Banion has recently saved the life of a young Chinese woman Siu Lan (France Nuyen), who now says he is responsible for her life, as tradition dictates. She further makes him feel uncomfortable by falling in love with him and wanting to marry. Communist forces move into the area and damage the priests' chapel and create overall havoc.
It is Nuyen's utterly STUNNING natural beauty, her radiant countenance that makes this movie -- her range of expression is beyond words. I have seen virtually all the great actresses and Nuyen almost shames them -- really. When she smiles with joyful happiness I swear I almost started to cry. I have never seen such purity and honesty of expression. I couldn't believe she was acting. Her sorrow, despair, anger, desperation, infatuation, playfulness are all so genuine it's simply extraordinary. Okay, maybe I'm a bit thunderstruck, I mean her dialogue is pretty simple. But I can't help it.
Together with Holden's primarily stoic expressions which include only frustration, and the old priest's constant sarcastic insults to Holden (because he was late in relief and the priest got caught up in the war), I had to often muffle my howls of laughter lest my neighbors wake.
I knew then it was too good to be true however and something terrible would happen to Nuyen. But if that wasn't enough, then we have to be manipulated by a writer wanting us to believe that a priest will forgive absolutely anything -- murder, rape, pillage, desecration. Not only forgive but even assist the bad guy. In fact the old priest gives his life for the rapist, and the rapist gets the lovely woman he raped and escapes China. Freakin' brutal!! But damn I love Nuyen. Why couldn't she have been cast in more movies -- a cryin' shame. Oh, yes, the portrayal of communists is way over the top also. All in all, it's almost worth it to see Nuyen, so maybe just watch the first half and then pretend she and Holden run away together. Ahhh. So nice.
Babel (2006)
Oh, C'mon. The first movie I ever left.
I won't go on ad infinitum about the cinematography or a script that has proper grammar or how big name stars can act (hey, you usually get something for $10 million). The plain fact is I left this movie with only about 10 minutes left, the first time ever I left a theatre early. And I felt exhausted and angry. Why? I suppose because I have freedom of thought and can't stand being manipulated through such a blatant contrivance it verges on a Grade 8 social experiment on tolerance: ie. how often can I slap you before you notice. I mean suspension of disbelief is not limitless. A great example is the Mexican nanny taking two small WHITE kids, without parental approval, from the U.S. over the border into Mexico for a wedding. Regardless of her stupidity, don't the border guards find this odd -- 2 white kids with 2 Mexicans? And how does she expect to return with them BACK into the U.S.? Hello! And I guess in Morocco when you give a child a loaded rifle you never remark, "Hey, by the way, don't shoot at people." The Japenese girl thing is MONGO cliché, I mean didn't her mother's death push Lolita to Humbert. (Sigh) And so on. Oh, and I like how the gang of Moroccan police don't bother to warn the children before they start blasting, even though the boy is walking away with the rifle pointed down... personally, as a writer, I'm fairly ashamed of the movies which receive all the acclaim. Most often, they are just feeble.