va_eer Reviews

The Expendables 2 (2012)

Ugh! What a waste of time... this movie is a farce using old

[3/10 · 23 August 2012]

heroes who have been cut more by a plastic surgeon than from actions on the fantastical battle grounds that they poorly occupy. Just looking at Chuck Norris's "squinty" eye job and Stallone's funky lips augmentation made me laugh... I know many of the scenes are tongue-in-cheek but the lack of acting makes one try to leave the theater sooner than later... FWIW, I went to the movie after a buddy BEGGED me to go... he has offered innumerable apologies since...

So, go if you want to see a lot of things blow up and go KABOOM have fun but don't go thinking that this is a version of Band of Brothers... lock this movie up and throw away the key.

There Be Dragons (2011)

This movie is mis-titled...

[5/10 · 19 February 2012]

"There Be One Draggin' Movie" is more like it... I respect the tragedy of the Spanish Civil War and the hatred for Franco but pullllllease... get to the point... I don't want to feel EVERY bullet... the ones that should have been meant for me.... ugh!

I liked that the film reflected the pain, confusion, and agony of war but it's not the first time something has been made of the topic... the movie goes on and on and on switching between battles scenes, treachery, religious strength and doubt, love... thank God for no cheap sex scenes... maybe I just don't get it but the wringing of hands can only be put up with for so long... and NOT for two hours.... aaaaaargh!

Bridesmaids (I) (2011)

Pulllease... this movie was compared to Hangover and that is

[2/10 · 28 May 2011]

totally off base... the recent NPR review made such a statement and this was the ONLY way I'd see such a movie with my girlfriend. This movie is a chick flick plain and simple with average acting, predictable and boring story line, and MANY missed opportunities for interesting plot twists... all I can say is this is a RENTAL at best... and only for my girlfriend.

So, NPR and other reviewers, stop the subterfuge by comparing a REAL comedy like Hangover with a total chick flick that makes poor attempts at humor... the farting and puke scenes were totally stupid... my girlfriend thinks I'm stupid because I only laugh if a guy pukes or farts... well... maybe guys are better actors (I just dodged a flying object... LOL)...

Bottom line.... this is a very average movie that is simply too cute to be good...

District 9 (2009)

Alian apartheid? I argued with my girlfriend to go see this movie

[6/10 · 9 September 2009]

in place of seeing "Time Traveler's Wife"... I do not like chick flicks and argued that District 9 would amuse her... I was WRONG and I have to pay dearly... she hated it and I kinda, sorta liked it...

First of all, the graphics were EXCELLENT and they were well integrated with true characters... but did we have to suffer through the obvious apartheid lesson for soooooo long? I lived in South Afica for a bit and hated anything to do with apartheid but the director forces us to re-learn the whole evil lesson... much of the 1st third of the movie could have been deleted / shortened but remain effective with telling the apartheid horrors...

So, I still gave it a "6"... the acting was a tad amateurish but that gave the movie a local South African flavor... a little more editing and this movie is much better... again, the graphics were great...

Seven Pounds (2008)

I got a great nap during this movie.... sure, call me insensitive but

[5/10 · 11 April 2009]

the vain attempt for continuous, monotonous pain just bored me to the core. The entire movie begged the viewer to scream out "What's the connection?!?", "When will this all connect?!?"... knowing full well that it would all makes sense at the end... and, ahhhhh, the poor guy gives what he lost at the end in such a predictable, yet maybe unique, way...

Come on! It was a crappy attempt to being clever with a plot... and we were supposed to shed tears for the gift receivers... nahhhh... I don't worry about being blasted about being mean against organ donation but I hate to have it manipulated in crappy movie.

Fireproof (2008)

Nice movie for divorce counselors... but the bad acting may make people

[2/10 · 23 March 2009]

scream for mercy and get back to their marriage.... aaaaaarrrgh! Formulaic, simple, and patronizing... I am not critiquing the message but the the delivery is crap... I was expecting Jim Jones to pop and and ask for more grape juice...

So. take this movie off the contemporary film shelf at Blockbuster and place it in the religious movies section... sure I may sound like a bad person but bad acting is bad acting...

Pass the salt and pepper!!! But, this movie needs a LOT more seasoning than that!!! BTW, how many fat fire fighters do you know? They pride themselves on fitness and these guys couldn't get in a house to save anybody...

Casino Royale (2006)

Daniel Craig makes for an GREAT 007....

[8/10 · 23 November 2006]

The 007 in Casino Royale is smooth but not a "pretty boy"... he can get caught off his guard but recovers well... damn! Talk about a hard-body dude... I just wish I had his physique after busting my ass at the gym 4-5 times a week... totally jealous! LOL Thumbs up for a job well done... bravo! The primary critique of the entire movie is the card-playing scene with every token race and sex represented... not that having proper representation is not AOK but it just seemed forced. And, of course, the card game outcome is VERY predictable but with a great twist...

I was hoping for a car that could do everything (as an Austin Martin should... LOL) but there were several cool cars just the same...

Do you want to see one of the best on-foot chase scenes you'll ever see? I was dizzy at how two "cats" chased each other all over the place... very nice... super moves, dangerous stunts... wow!!!

Overall... this was a fun James Bond movie... not too many techno tricks that seem far-fetched, typical beautiful women, AND NO CAR CHASE SCENES (sorry if that gives anything away but they are sooooo laborious)...

Murder on a Sunday Morning (2001)

The documentary reveals that detectives are very human and,

[9/10 · 19 November 2006]

with that, carry the same dark weaknesses we all unfortunately possess: lying, deception, laziness, the list goes on.

However, as an American, I was shocked to see that corruption and racism exist in today's police force as is reflected with the Duval County Sheriff Department's horrible detective and police work with the murder of a white female tourist and a 15-year old accused black youth. I shook my head in shame that detectives were protected from their abusive work while a young man's LIFE hung in the crooked balance of justice.

However, there is also a story of hope with our judicial system and how poorly-paid public defenders stuck by their guns (irony intended) and forced the truth from the detectives. I wanted to fly down to Florida and tell anybody with influence what a great public defender team they have in Duval County; those lawyers care about the "little" man and, most importantly, for justice.

The other story line is about faith and family. Praises to the accused's family and their strong Christian (submit any dedicated religion) beliefs and wonderful family values. I hope they win their lawsuit against the Duval County Sheriff's Department.

Bravo for justice!!! Bravo for the little guy!!!

The Prestige (2006)

Very predictable... the movie that should have had it's own

[6/10 · 28 October 2006]

disappearing act.... totally cheesy. Geesh... The plot was interesting at first but became annoying and petty as the two magicians jealously attacked their so-called "tricks". It was as if it was expected for me to become OVERWHELMED with emotion as I learned the true magic behind one of the tricks... hell, the "magic" behind this trick was predicted 30 minutes before it was revealed... my friend and I both fidgeted and just wished that the damn movie would just end sans all the needless drama at the end... BTW, how long does it take to die from a gunshot to the abdomen? Whaaaaah... the pain, the misery, the demise of a wicked magician... Blah, blah, blah... the bottom line... boring, predictable, cheesy.