Master_of_My_Domain Reviews

Year One (2009)

Never thought it is possible, but it is dumber than "White Chicks".

[12 September 2009]

I never thought I will say it after seeing "White Chicks", but it has finally happen: someone produced flick that is actually dumber than "White Chicks"! What an achievement! I'm not kidding or being sarcastic, I am serious, it is astonishing achievement, because it is not easy to write such horrible dumb script and still find people stupid enough to pay for making it. And then you need to find even bigger idiots who are willing to distribute it too!

It is unbelievable, but Harold Ramis, Lee Eisenberg, and Gene Stupnitsky did it. They somehow convinced Apatow Productions and Ocean Pictures to invest in it, produce it, shoot it, and distribute it! Hats off to these 3 geniuses. I'm sure future marketing/management class students will be taught on their example how to turn sh1t into cash. Well done, guys!

Assembly (2007)

"Saving Private Ryan" it is not, but it is as well worth viewing!

[6 February 2008]

"Saving Private Ryan" it is NOT, but certainly it is as equally worth viewing for any fans of military/warfare film. And for any "westerners" unaccustomed with China's history, it may give some insight to tiny part of her modern part some 50+ years ago events that led to fall of Chang Kai Shek and rise of communism under Mao Zhe Dong's.

The story line is compelling, similarly to "SPR" we have some well drawn all-human characters and their war story laced with brutal, bloody and yet so mesmerizing scenes, an insight to mankind at its worst.

The acting is excellent, even the supporting actors and extras performed all great or at least sufficiently enough to make us believe the scenes we are watching could have happened exactly as they are portrayed on the screen.

Why then I gave it 9 instead of 10? Well. Firstly. The film, although officially not the production of "1st of August Film Studio" (official Chinese communist party's propaganda flicks maker), it still suffers a bit from their propagandist influence. The red comrades are nicer than their nationalist foes and - according to this film's tones and "between the lines" messages - they fought for their country (implying that the Chang Kai Shek's nationalists were traitors). Like the hundreds of millions Chinese murdered later by the China's Communist Party during the years that followed have never happened, hmm. But, of course, for the characters shown in the film, it is their future. They don't know it yet - OK, I can believe that. But why PLA's foes (the Nationalists) are basically the shadows in this film? For a "humane warfare film" (as this film is pretending to be about) it is very unhuman depiction of 'the other side' - and I didn't hear anything about Mr. Xiaogang Feng plans to make a sequel about them... (like Clint Eastwood did with "Flags of Our Fathers" and "Letters from Iwo Jima") Second. While the fighting scenes and visual FX are great, the sets weren't prepared as equally. And I really mean it. The hand-held camera actions, the gory, the over-all realism of the brutal warfare scenes are almost as great as the ones in "SPR". But unfortunately the set decorators more often than not were skimping on the realism of the set. So-obvious spray-painting black patches on the walls (to masquerade them as burnt-out or post-explosion marks) is so evident failure of completing the film's realism to me (and I'm not even mentioning those PLA soldiers wearing US helmets - after all it *may* have happened somehow). Yes, I understand that most of the film-viewers wouldn't even notice it, but since so much energy, so much attention to other details was paid during the production of this film, why oh why they couldn't close it complete in every detail?

Drive: The Starting Line (2007) Season 1, Episode 1

The race begins

[10 September 2007]

Alex Tully checks the side mirror of his beat up landscaping pick-up truck to see the dark blue Charger swerving and threatening to make a move. The Charger races after the pick-up and the two make a move to squeeze between a pair of merging semi trucks. Alex slams his foot on the pedal and the pick-up slides between the trucks, forcing the driver of the Charger to hit his brakes.

One week earlier, in Hastings Nebraska, a very somber Alex Tully sits on a chair in his living room. Sifting through his ransacked house, police officers are searching for something. A medic tends to a wound on his head. Across from him, Detective Ehrle probes Alex about his last conversation with his wife, Kathryn Tully. Ehrle's comments and questions make it clear that he believes Alex is at fault for Kathryn's disappearance. Alex stands and tells Ehrle to do whatever he needs to do to clear his name and find his wife. Ehrle finishes by telling Alex that "Kidnapping generally happens for a purpose.

To compromise those left behind. Now why would someone want to compromise you?" Alex has no answer for the Detective and Ehrle walks away. Alex looks to the floor and finds a small wrapped gift. He holds it up and reads the note, "To my loving husband on our anniversary." He places the gift on a bookshelf, followed by the gift he intended to give Kathryn.

Wendy Patrakas is going into labor and she screams as a team of doctors push her through the halls of a hospital in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio. The female doctor tells a nurse to call her husband, but Wendy breaks through the screaming and grabs her arm, telling her that her husband Richard has meetings all day and shouldn't be bothered.

A few days later, Wendy and her newborn child, Sam, are ready to go home. The doctor tells Wendy that she noticed bruising on Wendy's thigh and the back of her shoulders. She tries to get Wendy to open up about possible physical abuse by her husband, but Wendy just says she's clumsy. Another nurse walks in and places a huge fruit basket on a table near the bed.

The doctor tries one more time, but Wendy just says she'll try to be more careful.

Brockbridge, Maryland. Winston Salazar, donned in a bright orange prison jumpsuit, is being escorted down a hallway, asking the guard who bailed him out of jail. Winston believes his wealthy father, who is trying to break into politics, got him out of jail so he'd stay quiet during the campaign.

Moments later, Winston in civilian clothing, looks through his belongings and finds a sleek, black cell phone. The guard sees Winston making a puzzled expression, "Something wrong? That's not yours?" Winston says he's just checking it. He pulls a winter hat down and walks out.

Winston leans against the hood of a gaudy gold Impala convertible. He makes a call to the office of his father, Fernando Salazar. An employee asks who is calling. When Winston answers, "Tell him, it's his son." But the office worker catches Winston off guard, "Oh! Hi! Sean! I didn't recognize your voice!" Winston cuts the worker off, "It's his other son." The worker puts Winston on hold, and when he returns, tells Winston is father is unavailable. Winston leaves a message. "Tell him I said thanks. That I got the phone. And I guess he'll just call me on it whenever he wants." The worker asks if there's anything else, and Winston gets angry, "Yeah, you know what? Tell him he could have put some cash with it too," Winston snaps the phone closed. He stands up, and takes a step forward to hurl the phone, but suddenly the phone rings. He stops and looks back at it.

In Nebraska, Alex tears into the small package he believes was from his wife when he hears the same ringtone as Winston.

Wendy slowly walks with baby in hand towards the fruit basket. She moves the bow and finds the phone attached.

Alex gets the phone from the gift box and answers. A mysterious man's voice greets him, "I've got to hand it to you Alex.

You've got will power. Others would have ripped that box open first chance they got." Alex barks back, "Who is this? Where's Kathryn?" Wendy listens to the same man's voice, "Listen closely, I'm about to make you an offer. One that could change your life.

But you must follow these instructions to the letter or risk losing this opportunity." Winston listens to the instructions, "You will no have time to consider it. You will not have to think. Only to act, for action now is all that is required."

Drive: Let the Games Begin (2007) Season 1, Episode 3

Episode recap

[10 September 2007]

RECAPS

Alex's pick-up is dead on the side of the road. The hood is propped open and Alex shouts to Corinna to try starting the engine. The engine just struggles and dies. Corinna tells Alex the next check point is 400 miles away and they have to make it to Rome, Georgia by dark. Alex tells Corinna to figure out the clue. She waves the raffle ticket and shows him an address on it. Mystery solved.

Sean and Winston blow by Alex and Corinna. "They're done, homes. I knew that piece of crap they were driving wouldn't make it out of the state," Winston excitedly shares with his brother. Sean tells Winston that they should consider getting a better car and that he can have it waiting at the next stop. The Mustang pulls along side and reveals a gorgeous brunette woman behind the wheel. Winston and the brunette share smiles, then the Mustang takes off. Winston guns the Impala. The two cars blast passed the Taurus.

John sits up in the back seat, looking rested. Violet tells him they're close to the Georgia border. John notices Violet is doing eighty-five miles an hour and tells her to slow down, but Violet knows if they slow down they won't make it.

A police car pulls over behind Alex's truck, Corinna comments, "You wanted road side assistance? I think we just got some." The officer approaches Alex and Corinna and tells them he can radio for a mechanic. As Alex walks closer, the officer suddenly draws his weapon and orders Alex to the ground. The officer handcuffs Alex and forces him into the back of the squad car, then knocks Alex unconscious with a baton.

Wendy drives along, Ivy in the passenger seat. Wendy wonders if Susan and Leigh are going to be mad, but Ivy doesn't seem to care. Ivy tells Wendy that they all met in Katrina, Ivy and Leigh helped Susan move hospital patients to higher ground when the levees broke.

Rob pulls into a Preston's to fill up on gas. Rob and Ellie are excited because they believe they're in the lead, and they're making great time. Rob goes inside to get something to drink. Inside, Rob looks up at television airing the local news. The news reports that a fellow soldier, Mike Bakka, that Rob knew, was killed in Iraq.

Corinna grabs her stuff out of the truck and attempts to hitch hike.

Winston is concerned about finding the brunette, but Sean is wrapped up in the ticket. "You think this is a riddle? Admit one. Maybe when we get where we're going, we're going to have to admit something." Sean tries to get Winston to admit what landed him in prison, but Winston won't give it up. In fact, Winston believes the people behind the race are the ones that got him out. Sean pushes the issues again. Winston asks, "Would you believe me if I told you I killed a guy?" Sean lets the question sink in, and then says no. Winston then asks, "Would you believe me if I was innocent?" Sean smiles, "No." Sean asks if Winston grew up in Maryland, where he was in prison. Winston tells him no, he grew up in Miami. Sean is stunned to find out they were that close and never knew about each other. But Winston notes that he knew about Sean since the day he was born. Before the conversation gets too personal, Winston thinks he sees the brunette in the rearview.

Corinna climbs out of an RV and walks into a Florida Highway Patrol sub-station. She marches to the front desk and tells the officer she's looking for Alex and she wants to report an officer assault by an officer named Poole. The officer asks another officer to see if Alex is in holding and to find out where officer Poole might be.

Alex wakes up and he's handcuffed to a table. He looks around a dark interrogation room. Officer Poole enters, "Alex Tully.

So I finally got a name to go with the face." Officer Poole goes digging for more information. "Before we talk about what you're doing here in Gainsville, I want focus on what you were doing in Ashland, Kentucky on July 12, 2003." Alex says he's never been to Kentucky and Officer Poole presses his thumb against the bruise he left when he hit Alex with the nightstick.

Poole says he was in Kentucky, he saw Alex. Poole opens a folder. Inside are photos of several dead individuals.

Detective Ehrle talks to Alex's sister, Becca, back at the Tully farm, trying to find out where Alex may have gone. Ehrle tells Becca that he believes Alex is on the run.

Poole sits across from Alex, telling the events that took place in Ashland. The First National Credit Union was held up by four armed men, Poole and his partner were the first on the scene. All the men escaped, but three people were killed. One of them was Poole's partner. Alex continues to defend that he was never in Ashland and did not kill anyone. Poole adds that Alex may not have pulled the trigger, but that day, he was the driver of the get away car. Alex again argues that Poole has the wrong man. Poole tells Alex that they're going to be there until Alex comes clean.

Ellie doesn't understand why Rob is so concerned about his fallen friend. Rob is getting angry because he doesn't understand why the Army hasn't tried to contact him yet. He wants the phone from Ellie, but she tries to get him to call once they get to Rome. Rob raises his voice and demands the phone from Ellie. She rolls down the window and flips the phone out. Rob slides the Firebird onto the shoulder.

Drive: No Turning Back (2007) Season 1, Episode 4

Episode recap

[10 September 2007]

RECAPS

The racers sit in their parked cars, watching a movie play on the giant drive-in screen. Alex and Corinna watch closely, wondering if the movie contains a clue. Wendy phones the woman watching Sam, hoping to wish him goodnight, but the woman says it's safer if she doesn't. Rob gets out of the Firebird to go find a payphone, but Ellie calls him back when the movie ends.

Mr. Bright's voice booms over the address system and tells the racers that one of them is being rewarded with a "Jump Start." This Jump Start, if successfully completed, will allow the racer to skip the current check point and head directly to the next one. Mr. Bright continues and says the person who arrived at the theater first will be awarded the Jump Start.

"Congratulations, Mr. Alex Tully!" Alex grabs the race phone, the address, "455 Broad Street, Sweetwater, Georgia," appears. The other racer's phones ring shortly after. Their text message reads, "Surrender, America." Winston looks at Alex, his eyes are scheming. Sean asks why Winston hasn't spoken to him since he was set free from the bounty hunter. Winston knows Sean called his father to help free him and angrily replies, "I'd rather die in prison, than owe that achepe a single thing." Corinna tries to convince Alex not to take the Jump Start because there will be a catch to it. Alex would rather risk it to get closer to his wife and he thinks that Corinna is trying to hold him back. But Corinna defends she just wants to make sure he ends up alive. Alex races off in the opposite direction of the other racers.

100 miles outside Sweetwater, Alex and Corinna pull to a stop to confront the driver of the gold Impala that has been tailing them since the drive-in. Winston pulls up next to Alex at a red light. Winston jokes with Alex about following him and Sean wants to turn back now that they're busted. Winston makes a deal with them. They tag along with Alex and Corinna now, and they'll return the favor later. And in the end, they split the thirty-two million dollar winnings. Alex agrees and punches the gas pedal. The Challenger roars in reverse while the Impala shoots forward. Alex spins the car around and loses Winston and Sean.

As Alex and Corinna race away, Corinna jokes to Alex that she almost chose Winston as a partner and that he was in prison for armed robbery.

Susan and Leigh roll into the drive-in theater. They're driving a compact car now. They park and get out of the car. Mr.

Bright approaches them and tells them they have been eliminated because they didn't complete the challenge and he needs the race phone back. Susan refuses to give in because God told Susan that she was destined to win the race. Mr. Bright asks for the phone again. Leigh gives in and hands it over. Mr. Bright wishes them "good travels." Ivy tries to work out "Surrender, America," while Wendy's mind is on her baby. Ivy tries to get her partner's mind back in the game. Wendy says some towns have odd names and maybe "Surrender" is one of them. Ivy digs through a map book.

Ellie works on the clue, but Rob is searching for a pay phone. Ellie sighs, knowing that Rob is going to find out about being AWOL from the Army.

Alex rolls the Challenger into Sweetwater and parks. He looks around and sees 455 Broad Street. It's a bank, the Sweetwater Savings and Loan. He grumbles, "No…no way." Corinna looks at the race phone, it reads, "IN THE VAULT 608." Corinna replies, "You don't even know what this says." Alex grits his teeth, "It says we have to rob the bank." He then admits to Corinna, "I wasn't always a gardener." Corinna chats with a bank manager while Alex cases the bank. Corinna tells the manager that they visit so often, maybe they should get a safe deposit box. The bank manager lets them into the vault and tells them it's a new vault. Alex and Corinna eye number 608.

Ivy reads down a list of uniquely named towns, "Surrender" is not one of them. Wendy's secure cell phone rings, it's the house mother calling about Sam. She tells Wendy that someone came to the safe house asking about Sam, but the woman does not know who the man was. The woman tells Wendy that she needs to come get Sam for the safety of her baby and the other children. Wendy hangs up the phone and swings the car back into the other direction. Wendy tells Ivy she can drop her off anywhere and Ivy tries to talk her out of going to Ohio. Ivy grabs the handgun that Wendy had in the glove box and tells Wendy she's not going anywhere but the next check point.

Bastards (2006)

Not a complete waste of time, but still...

[7 April 2006]

Well, I was very eager to see this film after seeing "9-ya rota" few months ago, and as much as I liked the latter - I was so disappointed with "Svolochi". First of all, this film is not a war drama. Yes, it ends with a sabotage action, it happens during a WWII times, but it is more drama than a war genre. From its beginning we get to meet bunch of (probably) homeless, parent-less boys, simply trying to survive in the starving war-time Russia. In pursuit of food nothing can stop them, and they don't hesitate to kill anyone standing in their way without mercy. No, they're not ruthless murderers, not yet, but given a chance to grow up - they will become one. Some of them got caught, and they were sentenced to death. However, in the same time, Soviet military is trying to build a special one-time-use commando groups, consisting of such underage criminals. So the boys are given a chance to "redeem their crimes against Soviet Union". They went through extensive training on a deserted, remote base, where friendship and partnership ties bind some of them. Once the training is over, they are sent on a suicide mission to destroy German gasoline supplies somewhere in Romania (IIRC), and here we get to the point, where the entire movie's premises become unbelievable. I can understand that the Soviet military wouldn't hesitate to use children as soldiers, but its highly unlikely that they would have ever sent bunch of kids - no matter how well trained - on a mission of such importance. Nevertheless, the boys are sent to action, where their entire platoon is wiped out while still in the air on parachutes. Guess this: the commanding officer sacrificed all of them just to enhance survival chance of his 2 favorite boys! Thats another unbelievable hole in a script, but there's more: the two favorites somehow managed to accomplish their mission, destroyed the enormous gasoline supplies, and escaped unharmed! I know, sounds like a teenage Rambos ;) Well, I must add, that one of them does get hurt after all, but neither the landmine, nor the giant avalanche can touch them. If not for these unbelievable Hollywood-style twists of the action, I would have like this flick. Don't get me wrong - the performance by most of the boys is strong, the cinematography is good, the special effects are sufficient, but what kills this movie are those little nifty unbelievable things, where the film loses its credentials of serious film-making. And thats where I have to say I'm sorry to Mr.Atanesyan and Mr.Kunin: I don't buy your story at all.

3/10

North Country (2005)

Approved by your (un)friendly local feminist sexist female pigs!

[7 March 2006]

Only a feminist and sexist female pigs could have twist the real story and made it that way. If you haven't seen it yet, pass on it, you won't learn or miss anything from this cheap flick, as it is a fiction not even remotely 'based on a true story'. If you really must see it, take it with a HUUUUUUUUGE grain of salt. Or better yet - simply skip it. (unless you're a feminist sexist female pig craving for her daily shot of male-hate dose of propaganda, then of course go for it!)

Not wanting to repeat myself and others from the discussion thread, I suggest reading more in the forum section (I'm sorry, but the board threads seem to be ften deleted by administrator - so much for a nice, civilized discussion about propaganda, feminism and its place in a politically-correct indoctrinated society LOL!)

Originally I was going to give it 4/10 for very convincing actorship of almost all cast, but after realizing it is just piece of modern, politically correct feminist propaganda I am not going to support racism and sexism (although in opposite way than usual) and I give it the lowest possible score.

I'm glad that even the host of 2006 Oscar pinned on Charlize Theron even more than I did. It is pure hypocrisy when a woman uses her beauty and all of her female attributes stripped down to skimpy bra and a thong to lure teenage boys to theaters in a flick like "Aeon Flux", and in the same time she complaints about being treated as "sexual object". I mean really... good going there Charlize, you really showed us that way that beautiful blondes like you have a brain too ;)

Kurtlar Vadisi: Irak (2006)

Its a MUST for every western "useful idiot"!

[7 March 2006]

I wish all the western "liberals" would see this excellent piece of propaganda flick and comprehend basic truth: THATS EXACTLY HOW MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE Islamic COUNTRIES SEE US. For those who didn't see this flick: it contains scenes where "american boys" attack a Muslim wedding party, kill the groom, beat up the bride, shoot the guests and children - all for no apparent reason at first. Wait, thats not all. Those who survived they take to famous Abu Ghraib prison, where they are being used as "spare parts" donors - literally - for rich westerners. And of course the evil doctor there is The Eternal Jew... Perhaps then these western liberals would finally understand, that liberalism towards others is simply equal to treason of your own people.

And a word to those saying "its only a movie". NO. It is not "only" a movie. It is more dangerous than truck full of explosives in the hands of Muslim terrorists. The Islam - self-described as "peaceful" religion - has recently showed us again how "peaceful" it is in the events following some stupid danish cartoon about Mohammad (how come no Muslim said "its only a cartoon"? ;) It doesn't take much imagination to foresee what movie like this can ignite in the minds of uneducated Muslims when shown in theaters of Islamic countries (where allowed, mind you ;) ).

My congratulations to the Turkish cinematographers for making this dangerous, yet entertaining, propaganda flick. It doesn't matter its the ugliest hate anti-west propaganda flick to come from any Islamic country to date yet, and despite the claims of it being based on true events (ROTFL!), I think the most important fact is that it comes from one of the most "west-friendly" Islamic countries: Turkey. If our so-called "allies" think of us the way they portray us in this flick, what about our enemies? I really think its the highest time to reconsider all those "liberal" attitudes many of westerners love to bear, and finally understand the world we live in nowadays. Dudes, we're simply not in Kansas anymore.

As for its claim of being based on the facts - h'm... Americans couldn't even supposedly flush some stupid book down the jail's toilet (if you don't know what I'm talking about: http://xrl.us/nrej ) without scandal exploding on the news, but they can extract body parts and smuggle them to Isreal and USA and Europe in secrecy? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Good going there, Mr. scriptwriter(s)! :))

Turkey - thanks for this cold turkey. I give it 1/10, yet I hope every western "useful idiot" would see this (thinly disguised as film) pure hate anti-West propaganda from Al-Jazeera scriptwriters.

King Kong (2005)

Where is the MONEY?!

[8 February 2006]

$207M budget, and all I get is bunch of CGI sequences? Come on... XXXL Gorilla was superb, I admit, perfectly flawless, but still it doesn't answer my question - how on earth they spent all the two hundred millions of dollars making this flick?! I think its insane that people dare to spent that much money on a stupid films like this. O tempora, o mores...

This flick should have been dumbed-down even more and made rated G, because as it is now it is not a movie for adults, and it is not for children either. Complete failure of directing, with lack of adequate screen writing talent as well.

Original King Kong in 1933 was freightening and daring for its times. This cold turkey is as mellow as war scenes on CNN, and even though it has way better top-of-the-art video fx compared to old 1933 sucker, its not even as half groundbreaking as the old original was back then.

Its not my monies, but I am really curious: where the hell they spent all these monies it supposedly cost?

Million Dollar Baby (2004)

Politically-correct piece of crap!

[3 August 2005]

Everything what I had to say about this piece of propaganda is already in my summary. I must add: I have never expected Clint Eastwood to direct and act in in a flick like this. I was in state of shock when the movie ended - and not for its plot, I assure you. I just couldn't believe it was made by this Clint Eastwood, not some other Clint Eastwood :-O Perhaps its highest time to retire, Mr. Eastwood, don't you think so? Let us remember you as fine, talented actor, that you still are, rather than a director of thick propaganda-laced politically correct flicks!

And what was so outstanding about Hillary Swank's acting to deserve an Oscar? I could've understand this choice had she been from a Jewish family, but since she is not... excuse me, but her acting wasn't any better than the acting of Spiderman's girlfriend (whatever her name was); hell, even Anette Bening was better than Swank in "Being Julia" (and she always stink)! Catalina Sandino Moreno was real Actress in a Leading Role for 2005 Oscars. Unfortunately her film and character weren't oh-so-politically-correct piece of {insert your favorite bad word here}... Oh well. We all know for quite some time that Academy Awards are what they are - free publicity stunts for the insiders, televised to (less and less every year) other countries...

2/10 (including 2 points for Clint Eastwood's role and acting)

Twenty Something Taipei (2002)

Everyone wants to love somebody and be loved by someone.

[30 July 2005]

Someone compared this film to "Kids". In my opinion, except for lots of sex scenes, there is nothing in common between them. Characters here are better drawn, better described and better acted out. But don't misunderstand me - I loved "Kids", and I still think it is best motion picture about teens, *by teens*. "20-somethin Taipei" is not about teenage kids, and its cast are not teens either. Apples and oranges. Except for plethora of sex there is nothing in common. Ditto.

The subject is so universal, that although it happens in 2002 Taipei - it could happened anywhere in the world (well, in the western world, to be exact). The premises are about average or slightly better off than average young urban adults seeking love, or Love actually. Unsurpsrisingly, as most of people nowadays, they mistake sex for love very often. I'm not going to analyze the story nor characters. I think my one-liner title-summary said it all. But it is well-told story, directed and acted in a very nice way, without any typical Hollywood style extremities usually thrown-in to 'spice up' the pace, and - whats more important - without typical (for modern Hollywood) politically-correct bulls*it point of views. Its a film that could have been shot only in a single-race country (like Taiwan still mostly is) without being called racist. Its a film that could have been shot only in a country where feminism is just a subject of some spicy jokes (like Taiwan still is) and where both men and women are compelled to look good daily, where ghetto-style clothes or way of talking still belong to ghettos, not to the general society.

7/10

Some of my American friends were surprised about i.e. the bright, clean look of the streets and basically cleanliness and beauty of everything shown in this movie. Well, perhaps thats what is missing in modern America - that old, 1960's American Lifestyle, when women were beautiful and men were Gentlemen?(or at least they all tried to). But thats totally different subject...

Special Delivery (2000 TV Movie)

...by retards for retards?

[19 July 2005]

God forbid should you ever see this movie!

Its that bad.

The concept, the story could have been good, but 'thanks' to the idiotic, dumber-than-dumb-beyond-any-imagination Lloyd's main character this flick is totally indigestible. I guarantee you'll puke all over your TV screen within first 5 minutes watching Andy Dick as Lloyd. Seeing lots of bad flicks before (I actually enjoy many cheesy, low-budget TV comedies) I swear I have NOT seen worse acting nor more unbelievably stupid character!

Give yourself a favor and STARE AT THE WALL OR CEILING for 90 minutes instead of seeing this flick, it'll probably be more entertaining than this.

0/10

PS: Fiona, you don't need to register few times just to repeat how much you like it, or to give my opinion negative mark again and again :) We do get it - you really love this flick ;)

The Dead of Night (2004 Video)

Avoid it! Its a thief!

[28 May 2005]

Avoid it! This flick is a thief - it will steal 1.5hr of your life and it won't give back anything in return! It has no entertainment value whatsoever, there is no laugh, no action, not mentioning that it is not scary even for a newborn infants at any moment (from stupid plot I assume it supposed to be a horror I guess)! One of the worst flicks I fed my player with, I'm still shaking my head at the thought of this bad-beyond-any-possible-reasons flick. Its not only bad, it is a crime! I can understand the fact that someone got a camera and wanted to make a 'movie' with bunch of his friends... but are all of his friends such terrible a**lickers that they convinced him to distribute this idiotic flick to masses? I should have been *paid* to watch this movie! Any lawyer out there wants to take my case of stolen time? I'm serious!

0/10

Note to self: If you find any of the names of the people involved in making this crap again in another flick - run! Run, Forrest, run!!

Alien 51 (2004 Video)

The worst sci-fi flick ever. Period.

[27 January 2005]

What a piece of junk. Couldn't watch it for more than 10-15 minutes, and I did it only because i was hoping for more bo0bie shots, but even this was done so lame :( Storyline sucks, acting is on the level of 1st grade of worst primary schools, nudity very scattered and more PG-rating-alike style, monster sucks (not mentioning it ain't scary nor funny at all), camera work is nonexistent (it shot itself somehow, I'm sure), special effects limited to a big bang of blown up old junk cars etc, what else... ah, sound - well, it is in stereo ( ;)) and thats why I gave it my rating (1/10), otherwise I wouldn't rate this piece of sh*t at all.

LAMEST CRAP WARNING: Do not attempt to rent it, don not accept it for free (you'll waste your precious time only), and for God's sake - don't you ever even think of buying this crap! Just stay away from it! You've been warned :) I'm dead serious. I love and own lots of bad sci-fi flicks, but this one... its an insult even to any *dead* brain cells of rotting gorilla's corpse...

Un marinaio e mezzo (1985 TV Movie)

One man, one boat, one child, one bust = one good oldie :-)

[17 January 2005]

Its fun to watch *some* old movies. I've been transferring last box of my father's VHS tapes to discs, when I found this little gem. Yes, it is old, it has been poorly edited, and it shows its age - in some parts. But it is still funny, something I cannot say about many of other very old movies. The tape itself was in poor condition, originally released in 80's (recorded in mono, probably on 2-head VCR), so normally I would have pass on viewing it, but this movie kept me glued to the TV screen from beginning till the end :-) Without giving away its plot, I must say the story is believable, the action and its limited special effects (explosions mostly) are sufficient, and the acting is *not bad*. Certainly, after so many years, this movie is still more fresh than most of the modern low budget production ladden with high quality FX and brainless plots and awful acting... If you're looking for an hour+ of fun, with hint of action - this little movie is for you.

White Chicks (2004)

Nominee for Lamest Movie Ever Made title, no doubt!

[24 July 2004]

I haven't seen such a bad movie for really long time. Im really surprised to see it score 3.8 (currently), because if there was any negative scale on imdb, then it should definitly get -10 and be nominated for Lamest Movie Ever Made title! What a POS, stay away from it if you have at least one working brain cell left! I cant believe anyone could write such lame lines, and whats worse - that actor with such great potential like Marlon Wayans ( Tyrone from "Requiem For A Dream"; the black dude from "Scary Movie") agreed to play in it!

Keenan Ivory Wayans should stick to acting, because thats where he excels. It takes sharp mind to write a screenplay for a comedy, and as easy as it may seem - it is actually much more difficult to write any average comedy than to write any best "in da hood' gangsta flick.

1/10

Habitat (1997)

Great pair of ... saves this movie.

[29 May 2004]

This movie had some great ideas, but unfortunately the way it was made ... no, it is not boring, but it is not enough entertaining either - remote comes handy at many parts. Reading other comments I noticed with surprise how many people liked Alice Krige's performance. To me it was pathetic and pretentious at best. She plays her role with so much "sweetness" that any normal personal may literally throw up at the end of the movie like after eating few boxes of chocolates and drinking few cans of super-sweetened condensed milk. Both taste great in little doses, overdose end ups with vomits, and so is Alice Krige's performance here. However there is an instant cure for it, kind of vaccine - also contained within this movie as well ;-) Perhaps it is not "performance", I don't dare to call it that much, but lets just say that the extended scenes and closeups of nude Laura Elisabeth Harris, proudly showing off her nice, natural pair of breathing devices - they really made up for the damages done by Krige!(I dont want my post to be taken down in any near future for using anatomically correct - but politically incorrect - words like "bre_st", "ti_s" etc). So: if youre a straight male - rent it! Your eyes will enjoy Harris in her prime. And if youre a female - you may actually Balthazar Getty in his prime, or you may even like Krige's role...

My rating: 6/10 (solely for showing Laura Harris' great stuff in this movie).

The Yakuza (1974)

"I have destroyed his past, and his future"

[25 May 2004]

One of the best West-meets-East films made. Great dialogues, very realistic fighting scenes, even though this film has been made so long ago, without any CGI tricks at all, yet the sword fights still look really great. But in my opinion the story, which may be shortly described with one of the sentences spoken by Harry Kilmer (Robert Mitchum) at the end of this film: "I have destroyed his past, and his future" - perhaps the story is what it makes this film so unique and timeless. Outstanding performance by Ken Takakura ("Ken Tanaka")! If you haven't seen it yet - get it now! And why do I say "get it" instead of "rent it"? Because unfortunately VHS version available in US is more than 10 minutes shorter, and European VHS versions have even more *vital to the plot* cuts! (More info here: http://www.us.imdb.com/title/tt0073918/alternateversions

or if it doesn't work try the link under "Alternate versions"). Please: don't waste your time on those! I swear these edited versions must have been edited either by some blind and deaf personae, or a child who didn't understood plot at all! Currently the only good, somewhat true to the original theatrical print (just slightly more than 3 minutes shorter), are the 2hr long versions available on the not-so-legal (and not too good quality-wise) VCDs released in Hong Kong and Asia.

I rated this film very high - and I am not any big sword-actioneers fan, but nor is this movie any kind of sword fighting flicks. Its just a great story that is told (or actually shown) very well, and it deserves full 10/10.

Bulletproof Monk (2003)

The Crouching Bulletproof Killer :-)

[18 April 2003]

Not bad, very entertaining movie.

I just saw it and I admit it is better than what I expected (after seeing trailers), but still... it has some little editing problems in few scenes (seems to me Director couldnt decide what he want: to make this movie more funny or to keep it in more serious action course), and watching Chow Yun Fat mumbling in 'chinglish' has some kind of funny side effect, you just cant take him seriously ;-) I know he had English Teacher / Dialogue Coach on set, but apparently he is languages learn-proof. Since Sean William Scott's character was living in chinatown (and probably growing up there as well) he could have speak Cantonese, and those few English lines Chow Yun Fat had here - they all could have been spoken in this language instead.

Anyway most of characters are very flat and stereotypical (as soon as you see German soldiers you know they are movie's villains ;-) except maybe for Russian Drugs Tsar's daughter "Bad Girl - Jade" (Jamie King). Sean William Scott just can't shake off his comedian style acting, even in the most action-packed scenes. I like this dude, but I don't expect him to appear in "more action than comedy" films like this again. Its not cut for him.

Enough bashing. Here is what IMHO was one of the best scenes in this movie: the catfight between Jamie King ("Jade") and "Nina" (I forgot actress name). Pretty good fight scene, one of the best catfights in hollywood movies so far.

I gave this movie: 7 (Story: 9, Acting: 4, VisualFX: 8, SoundFX: 7)

If you want to see Chow Yun Fat's 'real' acting - rent subtitled version of "The Killer" (dubbed version doesn't have the atmosphere).

Romance (1999)

Different, but certainly *not* shocking

[15 February 2003]

Well, this movie is nothing special, but... I read most of other people opinions here, and it become very obvious to me that most likely age and background of the viewer has alot to do with perception of such movies like "Romance X", that are loaded with i.e. oral sex scenes or closeups of genitals. For older generations of prudent americans (americans especially), to whom a "blow job" is something they would never try to do with their wife (such activity is limited to "bad girls" only in their opinion LOL) it has certain amount of shocking scenes they certainly can't and won't stomach. Yet being very "liberated" and open-minded person as I think of myself, I was surprised to see scenes of ejaculation, and I mean close-ups including loads of sperm landing on actress' body - I was really stunned to see it on regular tv channel. As a matter of fact I am sure it was very first time I have seen such scene on 'regular' tv channel! Also scenes of "fantasy brothel" at the end of the movie were something you would never expect to see on regular tv channel. Closeups of baby coming out of genitals were incredible as well. I've seen live birth few years ago, but to see it without any attached emotions, without affection, on tv, in a movie - it is totally different experience! For these bold scenes I gave this movie 7. Otherwise it is just boring story (man can't have sex, unsatisfied woman seeks for pleasure somewhere else - boooooring!) and wouldn't deserve more than 3. And BTW - why is it that girl on the cover of VHS (or DVD) shown here on imdb has such big bossom? The actress in this movie is at most size 1, why is it that in order to sell it in USA someone always decides to 'enhance' the girl's natural wonders sometimes to the sizes of milky cows? That is more disgusting than any supposedly "shocking" scenes in this movie, shame on you, americans!

San guo yan yi (1995)

Something really different :-)

[23 January 2002]

I got this series from Hong Kong on 58 VCD discs (beautiful special release box-set) and after seeing first episode I put it back on a shelf. Quality of picture is poor, english subtitles are so small even on my 36'' screen hardly readable... But after a while I played it again on big screen tv and altough blockiness and all artifacts from poor encoding showed up even more, tiny english text became easier to read thus I could follow action :-) And what an action it is! By the end of first disc I was so immersed in an ancient historical events of China, it took a sunrise to get me off my lazy chair ;-) I have no idea how historically correct are all shown events, but I must say it is very fascinating to watch it how the Great Empire of China was erected... It seems more like a kind of fantasy for a western person like me, yet it is so similiar to western countries history with familiar if not exactly the same behaviour of Lords of those times; there is treason, there are heroes and anti-heroes... There are plenty of scenes one not being chinese may not fully understand, yet it didnt bother me much. Flow of the action sometimes stutter due to unbeknowst to me reason like concentrating on some (in my opinion) not important details, but make no mistake: it is really *worth* to view this made for tv series, what an incredible experience. Just give yourself a favor: get it on DVD instead ;-)