What if Directors Made their Favorite (Weird) Movies?

Director: Terrence Malick

Alternate Title: Man by the Tree

Plot: We open with a 10 minute continuous shot of a man's silhouette leaning against an oak tree, with the sunrise as the backdrop. The gentle wind playfully moves its way through the long, uncut grass. Naturally the unshaven grass represent's Man's limited time on Earth, and the breeze (representing the elements), calm in it's transparent appearance and yet deceitful in its nature, threatens to snip the grass just as nature often chooses to part a man's soul from his body at any given time.

Because of this, we are gifted with a close up of the naive and unsuspecting grass. By this time, half an hour of the movie's run-time has gone by.

Meanwhile, the man by the tree ponders. He thinks. He contemplates on his existence. He dwells on his legacy. What legacy(?), he asks himself. Does a man truly have a legacy? How can a man be sure of his legacy?

That's when it hits him. As the music swells, the sunrise strips the shadow of its power and the man is revealed to be Derek Zoolander. There is only one way to achieve a legacy, he realizes...

...to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Alternate Title: The Hateful Bates

Plot: Imprisoned in a mental institution for 20 years, Norman Bates has spent his time watching B movie exploitation flicks from the 60's and 70's, which fuel his thirst for revenge. He eventually makes his escape by striking fear in the guards hearts through an Ezekiel speech. On the run from the authorities, Bates tasks himself with tracking down those who wronged him in the first movie. Shot in 70mm, expect bloody showdowns, Ennio Morricone soundtracks, and homages galore.

(Tarantino cameos as Bates' mother in a flashback scene)

Director: Martin Scorsese

Alternate Title: Exorcisms of New York



Plot: In New York city, a mob boss (played by Joe Pesci) hires a Vietnam-war-veteran-turned-former-gangster-turned-priest (played by Robert De Niro) to investigate the bizarre spasms and fits that his daughter (played by Margot Robbie) constantly suffers from.

Little does Pesci know that De Niro only accepts the offer to get close to him and settle a score, as Pesci was previously responsible for a number of deaths of people that were close to De Niro, including legendary union figure Jimmy Hoofa, crime boss Frank Costello and Robert's own father.

De Niro hires Jordan Belford (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) to swindle Pesci out of his cash before the priest chooses to kill the mob boss. Meanwhile, he ends up falling for Pesci's daughter, whose fits were revealed to be a side effect of a drug called Quaalude which she bought from a Casino in Las Vegas whilst in a relationship with a violent boxer.

After murdering Pesci with a baseball bat in the middle of a desert, De Niro runs off with his daughter. Together, they become aviators and travel the world as a musical duo naming themselves 'New York, New York'.

Unfortunately however, in a twist ending, it is revealed that the entire film is a role play set up by a mental asylum doctor (played by Harvey Keitel) and Margot Robbie is in fact a patient on Shutter Island. She eventually turns to her faith for comfort, and spends the rest of her life in silence.

Director: Paul Thomas Anderson

Alternate Title: There will be Men in Black

Plot: Despite being partners for some considerable time, Tommy Lee Jones has become even more grouchy and unkind to Will Smith in his old age, being consumed by greed and hate for aliens and humans alike. Despite his desperate for Jones' affection, Smith's attempts hit a brick wall as Tommy's younger brother (played by Josh Brolin) arrives.

However, has Smith just stumbled on evidence that Brolin may not be who he says he is? All we know is, there will be men in black...

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Alternate Title: Unbreakable Unchained

Plot: Samuel L Jackson was once healthy comic book fanboy until he was brutally beaten up by violent bad guys which left him in a broken condition. Samuel L Jackson discovers Bruce Willis has powers and is unbreakable. He then befriends Willis and he helps him discover his superhero origins as they team up to take violent revenge on those who crippled him. Willis completes his journey to be a superhero only to learn a terrible truth at the end.

Suggested by ur30859174

Director: Woody Allen

Plot: Frank Booth (Woody Allen) is a nerdy, moderately successful novelist living in New York City. He periodically tries to pathetically woo his next door neighbor Dorothy (Diane Keaton) a narcissistic cabaret singer. When young Jeffrey Beaumont (John Cusack) moves into their apartment building, he mistakenly gets the impression through a series of whimsical misunderstandings that Frank is a psychopath who's kidnapped Dorothy's son. Hilarious hijinks ensue.

Suggested by ur48130346

Director: Guillermo del Toro

Plot: Charlie Newton is a young girl withering away in small town USA when her comparatively suave and interesting uncle comes to visit, who is also named Charlie and has the Innsmouth look about him. Soon she notices odd behavior, and there are rumors of a man serially marrying rich women only for them to disappear mysteriously while he inherits their estates. She wonders whether this could be her uncle, until she sees a hideous fish person trapped in their attic. When she tries to show her family, the fish has escaped. She follows her uncle back to his home in a desperate search for the truth, only to find him communing with the fish people in an ancient ritual.

They are the Deep Ones, and it seems they need a young child to complete their dastardly plot for world domination. It is a good thing Charlie has been expertly trained in gun kata by the wizened homeless woman outside the pet shop. Now she must avenge her master who jumped off a bridge after noticing gills sprouting about her neck. Witness the terrifying conclusion in Shadow of a Doubt, coming to a theater near you! Starring Ron Perlman and Millie Bobby Brown.

Suggested by ur68361901