bill-17550 Reviews

Left Behind: Rise of the Antichrist (2023)

Just Know That Most Every Negative Was Written by a Person with a Functioning Brain

[1/10 · 17 April 2024]

I am a Christian. But omg this movie is bad. Like the gas my dog occasionally has bad. Like Bette Midler's "Wing Beneath My Wings" bad. Like Ryan Leaf the NFL QB bad. Like it makes "Plan 9 From Outer Space" look good. I hope I'm not being too subtle about this.

The only people giving this high ratings are the "this aligns with my beliefs, therefore I have to give it a high score!" people. God forbid (pardon the pun) they judge the quality of the movie for its own sake vs the viewpoints it gleefully bludgeons us to death with.

The only possible entertainment value of this is its value as camp material. The only thing missing is Jimmy Swaggart (which is perhaps its only redeeming value).

The Great Houdini (1976 TV Movie)

Lost gem

[8/10 · 18 March 2022]

This is one of those made for TV movies which sadly few people now will probably ever see, and that is quite a shame. No if it was released in theaters, it likely wouldn't have won any Oscars. But it was a very good movie with fine performances by Glaser, Struthers, et al and a well done telling of the Houdini story. God knows it's infinitely better than many, many movies I have seen in theaters (and that won Oscars). If you can somehow find or rent or get a copy of this, do it. If you like Houdini, you won't be disappointed.

The Clovehitch Killer (2018)

Boring, stupid, predictable, utterly unlikable

[1/10 · 1 June 2021]

Why anyone thinks this drek was worth watching even a bit I'll never know. Like a fool I kept watching, hoping it would get better. It never did. There was nothing interesting or worthwhile about it in any way. The actors were pretty good actually, it's too bad they were given such a pathetic script to work with.

The Theory of Everything (2014)

Brilliant performance in an "OK" film

[6/10 · 10 May 2021]

First and foremost, this is an incredible performance by Redmayne; he well earned the Oscar..and Jones was a wothy co-star. But I thought the film itself had a kind of by-the-numbers feel, propped up mostly by Redmayne's performance. There were numerous scenes where a meatier dialogue could have made a huge difference. (Side note: once again we get Hollywood's gross foot fetish shoved in our face, with numerous pointless shots of his feet. ?? They really need to get a grip on that; it's vulgar and disgusting) Overall, though, the movie is worth watching, mostly for Redmayne's performance.

My Octopus Teacher (2020)

Good but a bit overrated

[6/10 · 6 May 2021]

I liked this, mostly because I like nature and nature documentaries. It was fine. Definitely unique. But it wasn't so incredibly amazing like the hype train insists. The guy could have used a little coaching in his narration. The direction was underwhelming, and btw what's with the countless close-up shots of his feet? The gross Hollywood foot fetish strikes again? Still again it's good overall.

Fallen (1998)

Enjoyable cop thriller with a supernatural twist

[8/10 · 9 February 2020]

Generally this was a very good movie, not amazing, but very good, well worth your while if you're in the mood for this kind of thing and esp if you're a Denzel Washington fan. Yes the other main characters could have been developed a little more, but that's true of almost any movie, esp one of this type. Overall it was well done with plenty of twists etc. I do wish they had not revealed as much as soon or at least made it so you weren't sure, and like a lot of people I did not like their choice of ending, but it's all forgivable overall. I can't believe this film lost money. I guess the public would rather watch mindless garbage like the Matrix series or another Halloween movie. Too bad.

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot (2018)

Unholy mess of a movie that could have been great

[3/10 · 8 February 2020]

This movie to me was exactly like there were two movies that, for totally baffling motives that no sane person could ever understand, were smashed together, resulting in an unholy mess. It's quite a shame, because one of those movies...the poignant one about a man who killed Hitler but it was kept secret and now he's a lonely old man...looked really good. But the apparently schizophrenic guy who allegedly wrote this all by himself then had a seizure and came up with this completely asinine, ridiculous, B movie idea about someone hunting Bigfoot....and as if that wasn't bad enough, decided to merge it with the other movie, which obviously makes zero sense. Even if the Bigfoot script was a good one (despite the premise), obviously this would go down as one of the worst ideas ever. But it didn't even have that going for it. The Bigfoot character is laughably ridiculous looking and acting, as is anything in this movie that had anything to do with that topic. It's like something a (marginally talented) 12 yr old would come up with for a school play...if that. Yes, it's that bad. In short, what could have been a good, possibly very good, movie was ruined by either colossal stupidity or outright madness.

I give this 3 stars instead of 1 because of what was left of the film that was sacrificed to make this, and Sam Elliot's performance. Movies like this make me wish I was a movie exec or editor some such who could come in and save the day...in this case, by eliminating the Bigfoot nonsense and shoring up the dialogue about the WW II hero who life dealt with far more harshly than he deserved.

Paula Poundstone Goes to Harvard (1996 TV Special)

Paula Poundstone at her best

[10/10 · 9 April 2019]

Saw this years ago and it remains one of the best stand-up routines I've ever seen. Anyone who knows anything about her knows she is at her best interacting with the audience, and the interactions that happen here are priceless! Unfortunately, if you haven't seen it, you never will, because for reasons I can't imagine, this is unavailable for purchase anywhere (lawyers and/or agents are no doubt to blame; such idiocy is frustrating).

The Village (2004)

Solid effort that prompted a lot of odd extremist reactions

[7/10 · 16 January 2019]

I'm amazed how polarizing this film apparently was (I guess I'm one of the last to see it for the first time). I guess I'm one of the few who didn't think it was so amazing, but didn't hate it either. It is not without flaws. More time should have been spent on character development/interaction and yeah, I couldn't really buy the disappointing and implausible ending which people claim they "knew" ahead of time (suurre you did), but it wasn't so terrible. And I was in fact glad as it unfolded that it wasn't a silly "thriller/horror" flick as I feared it might be and the final ending it didn't stop the film from being well worth the watch overall. The acting (esp Howard and Brody) is excellent, and they did an excellent job of having people sound and act like people in an isolated village of the (earlier, I think, not late) 19th century probably would have...which is extremely rare. If I had a nickel for every period piece where the people talked and acted more or less like people of today, eliciting an eye roll and "let's see what else is on" from me, I'd be rich. That alone deserves huge props. And the directing and cinematography was very good as well. In short, not perfect, but still a good effort.

Love After Love (2017)

Pretentious, horrific drek

[1/10 · 14 January 2019]

Still mourning a loss myself, I am drawn to films which feature the topic of loss and grief, searching for at least one which does at least a decent (hopefully good to great) job of being touching, poignant, sad yet perhaps life-affirming somehow. I'm still looking. And this was perhaps the worst of the lot. It opens with Andie MacDowell, who I've always been a big fan of, joking with her son about how great his (terminally ill) dad is in bed. ha ha ha. Yeah that's what every son wants to hear from his mom about his dying dad; how appropriate. It continues with scintillating dialogue like "I'm not happy but I'm happy." "Yeah, I'm happy, but not all the time." Oh and Andie MacDowell lets out a huge laugh at something her son says but we've no idea why. Wow I was on the edge of my seat. You wouldn't think it could go downhill from there, but it does..or at least never rises from the bottom, with plenty more dialogue which will bore you to tears, plenty of cursing, a little crotch-grabbing, even an out and out nude scene. Stay classy Hollywood. And the whole time-shift thing was pointless, a desperate attempt to be "artistic" I suppose. Epic fail. Honestly, a completely vomit-inducing work on every front. It's a shame we can't give negative stars.

2036 Origin Unknown (2018)

Weak on all counts

[2/10 · 26 December 2018]

I think the 25 Jun reviewer pretty much nailed it. There is nothing original (the obvious HAL ripoff used for the A.I., the resemblance of the mysterious object to a Borg cube, I could go on), believable, or even likable about this movie. And a mission this big only has 2 people controlling everything? Why do we almost never see anyone else? If real, there would be massive teams of people. Then there's the weak dialogue, the even weak directing, I could go on. Destined for the B movie scrapheap and good riddance. I only gave it an extra star out of holiday good charity.

Driving Miss Daisy (1989)

Tandy, Freeman, and Ackroyd at their best

[10/10 · 20 June 2018]

Three very talented actors come together in a beautifully spun tale. In fact, Tandy in particular is one of the most talented I've ever seen and is always a delight. Unlike most movies today, this one addressed racism of the day without hitting you over the head with it like a sledgehammer and presented it in a balanced, objective way (and really the main story is about the relationship between these two). Although Miss Daisy has her share of racist undertones, she's not a monster; far from it...and she learns to let go of it as Hoke patiently endures and wins her over. Freeman presents his character honestly - uneducated but wise, and needless to say extremely patient. :) Ackroyd also plays a superb supporting role and has always been an underrated actor in my opinion. Just a great film where everything meshes beautifully and one of the more deserving Oscar winners I've ever seen.

The Shape of Water (2017)

The shape of...theatrical barf

[1/10 · 20 June 2018]

I can't believe the pathetic poopfest movies that are getting such high acclaim lately, with this being the latest and perhaps most baffling. Let's see: mute girl falls in love with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Yeah, great idea for a movie. Not. Are you kidding me? If this had been made as a farcical B movie it might have been worth a "well nothing better is on" watch, but it's not. This movie actually takes it self seriously and expects us to do the same, despite a completely absurd premise couldn't be worse, and one which was horribly butchered to boot. We start with completely pointless nudity and shots of our star masterbating (that probably scored big points with the Hollywood crowd - no wonder it won awards), then we're introduced to a series of characters, none who are at all likable, believable, or even interesting, including an absurdly cliched Dr Evil type who wants nothing more than to kill/torture our poor Black Lagoon dude. We're given nothing even the tiniest bit believable in terms of how/why this girl falls in love with fishface, even for a movie. And, being Hollywood, they make sure to go out of their way to toss the race card in your face now and again (God forbid that be left out of a movie!), despite that having basically nothing to do with the movie (no doubt why it was places in the 60s). The script (at least early on) was like Don King's hairdo, frequently shooting off in haphazard, unrelated, and pointless ways. I could go on and on, but unlike the movie, I'll be merciful and stop there. But basically don't waste your time.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

Almost as bad as the first

[1/10 · 16 June 2018]

...and in some ways worse. For example, at least the first one wasn't 800 hrs long. Holy bleep. I got about 30 mins in before debating if I should turn it off. I thought wow, are you kidding me, they are making the same mistakes as they did with the first one...glacial (and in this one, overly complicated) plot, vapid script, uninteresting characters, cheap tricks like pointless nudity etc, and by now a hideously worn out "noir" theme....oooh it's always dark, it rains a lot, oooh everyone wears dark clothes and is depressing or manic or otherwise a waste of flesh. But no worries, everyone will love it because Harrison Ford is back and ooooh "THE IMAGERY"....and sadly, they were apparently right, as it seems to be getting mostly positive reviews. Which is laughable. This film drones on and on AND on like some Chinese water torture. I can't count how many times my mind started drifting because it was that uninteresting. Don't ask me why I didn't just turn it off, but in the name of mercy pls don't make another one. That would be like making "Jaws 10" (or whatever).

Blade Runner (1982)

All form, little substance

[2/10 · 3 June 2018]

This is easily one of the most overrated sci fi flicks ever. I challenge anyone to read the screenplay the whole way through without falling asleep. Yes, it's very visual and Vangelis did a good, appropriate (not amazing) soundtrack to give it that dark depressing "dystopia" bit....OK, fine...but that's it. No characters of even the tiniest interest to either love OR hate, a laughably bumbling love angle, and almost zero action except for one brief flurry around half-way through and another at the end. Speaking of which, a totally stupid ending...not Roy saving Decker, that was a great idea (and where it should have ended), but then Decker and Rachel hooking up and going....? where? And do we care? No. This movie was loaded with over-the-top pretentiousness and about zero believability, even given the premise. I saw it in the 80s and went "eh." I just saw it now for the first time since then, as I was interested in the new one and wanted this as a base, but found it's even worse than I remember. Read the review titled "So very very boring"....a bit harsh but sums it up fairly well (and is more entertaining than this entire film).

Dawson City: Frozen Time (2016)

Great idea, poorly executed

[3/10 · 3 June 2018]

I'm a history buff and this is therefore a compelling story... but to enjoy or even simply watch this the whole way through, you'd have to be all but obsessed with silent films and absolutely in love with that New Age "soundscape" type music used to boot, as it drones on and on AND on throughout the ENTIRE film. Whose brilliant idea was that? Used judiciously, it would have been very effective (and was, at first)...but having to hear such depressing, oppressive music the entire time was like bleeding out. And this is from someone who actually enjoys that kind of music from time to time. Another fault was having almost the entire thing told through sub-titles instead of narration, which was a huge mistake. The interest here is the photos and films, but they show them in small snippets at a time, and by the time you read the sub-title, the picture/film clip that it's about is over and they've moved to another. I had to rewind countless times until I finally gave up on it. The last massive mistake was showing 10 billion short clips of silent movies. Why? Silent movies long thought lost now recovered, WE GET IT. Showing a few here and there, sure, but I can't imagine anyone, even someone who likes watching silent films, seeing 10 seconds of one...then 10 seconds of another...then another...rinse and repeat. That got as annoying and tedious as the background music. Again love the topic, in fact it's the only reason I lasted as long as I did, but this was poorly executed. I can't believe it won any awards.