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Reviews
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Mostly an agonizing slog
Let me say off the top I am a huge MCU fan; I think it's one of the greatest cinematic achievements of my lifetime, perhaps the greatest overall.
But it's had a few duds (*cough* The Incredible Hulk *cough*), and this to me was one more of those.
There _were_ a few good bits in here, but I found myself repeatedly either bored or irritated.
There were just _so_ many portentous "jump scares" that didn't scare, so many close ups of closed eyes which would (eventually) pop open! Ooh!
And the repeated over-the-top bombastic music...
The standard horror-movie tropes were here by the ton.
I liked the idea of the initial monster - hey, straight from the comic! - but the execution almost seemed amusing, and not in a good way.
What I _did_ like were a few emotional beats between Strange and Wanda, or Strange and Christine. Oddly, one of the best was between zombie-Strange and America.
But the rest of the film seemed sadly flat, uninspired, and by-the-numbers.
If other people loved it, good for them! I'm always happy when people have a fun experience.
I just wish I'd been one of them.
Rehearsal for Murder (1982)
A wonderful mystery romp
I have always loved this flick. In fact, I have a copy and watch it periodically for the sheer joy of watching the star-studded cast run through their paces.
We have the inimitable Robert Preston in fine form, Lynn Redgrave as his fiancée who died a year earlier (apparently by suicide), and a young Jeff Goldblum as an actor friend of the fiancée. Also playing notable parts are familiar faces like Lawrence Pressman, William Russ, and William Daniels.
It's a classic whodunit, with enough plot twists and fun bits to keep the audience entertained and guessing until the final scene. The cinematic version of comfort food, and I mean that as the highest compliment.
Closer (2004)
One of the worst movies I have ever seen
Mike, Mike, Mike... Mr. Nichols, what happened to you?
This was billed as "intensely erotic"... the sex was all unpleasant, puerile, and intensely un-erotic. All porn and strip clubs and nastiness.
Ugh.
The dialogue is generally weak; the actors do what they can, but their "motivations", if they can be graced with such a positive title, are paper-thin and always unconvincing.
Except, perhaps, the initial "meet cute". Other than that, ugh. Two men sexting online (with only one realizing it's two men), in an exchange full of the crudest and most juvenile proposals?
Erotic? Nope. Creepy? Oh, yeah. Interesting? Nope. This whole movie seemed like it was written by a 14-year-old boy, with that level of innuendo and supposed shock value.
And at NO time did I believe anyone's reasons for doing what they did, mainly because they would immediately in the next scene completely violate their earlier motives.
And not for any good reason, either. The only rule seemed to be "PLOT". The author wanted the characters to do things, so they did them, whether or not this made any sense at all.
The best part of the unpleasant experience was that I didn't realize it was directed by Mike Nichols until it was over, so I wasn't carrying that extra disappointment the whole time.
When I saw the closing credits, however, I was (to use a Britishism) gob-smacked.
Ugh, I say, ugh.
Saints and Soldiers: The Void (2014)
Basically, a TV-movie-level effort
As many others have said:
1) Although the main character is named "Jesse Owens", the movie CLEARLY says right off the bat "no, not THAT Jesse Owens". So all the comments and reviews complaining that the "real" Jesse Owens wasn't in a tank unit in WWII were clearly NOT paying attention.
2) The movie is plagued by terrible art direction (everything looks new and clean, including the soldiers and their uniforms!), clumsy acting, uninspired writing, pedestrian direction, and merely adequate acting.
If I'd seen this as an episode of a weekly anthology drama on TV, I'd give it credit for effort. As an actual movie, not so much.
I stuck it out to the end, but I can't imagine bothering to watch it again.
Æon Flux (2005)
3 stars for some stylish visuals, but a nonsensical snore-fest otherwise
Meh. Just meh. Clearly a mish-mash of recreations of scenes that may have been cool in the original graphic novel, but which failed miserably in motion.
I really wanted to like it, but had to force myself to sit through to the bitter end, throwing good time after bad.
Visually interesting in places, but the clumsiness of the action, and the ham-handedness of the direction and acting were just stupefying.
Oh, well, at least I've watched it now!
(And no, this review does _not_ mean I hate graphic novels or movies based on comics. I just prefer them well-made.)
The Prom (2020)
Excellent, fun, much better than expected
I went in dreading this... I was afraid it would be another "Mamma Mia": another musical with Meryl Streep and brain-dead lyrics.
Wrong!
I didn't realize this was based on an actual Broadway show, and that pedigree showed up immediately in the clever, funny, snarky, and sometimes insightful lyrics.
It's nothing horribly profound, but it _did_ make his 60+ straight white guy tear up several times.
And I laughed out loud even more often than that!
Great fun. I told my wife I might even want to watch it again... she demurred for herself, but I meant it.
Streep is great, James Corden is fine, and every member of the cast pulls off their roles well.
The end is a bit much, and there are a few characters whose turn-around is unconvincing, but those are the exceptions, not the rule.
(And keep an eye out for Tracey Ullman, of all people, showing up in an extended cameo!)
The Tomorrow Man (2019)
Goes from mildly disappointing to a total disaster in the last minute
Inoffensive, sometimes charming, sometimes infuriating for most of its runtime.
Near the end, a real difficulty is raised: one characters hoarding obsession.
In real life, people have been so addicted to hoarding that they have lost custody due to their lack of self-control.
That makes this thread a possibly intriguing path.
Unfortunately, as soon as the real difficulty is raised, the director ends the movie in as stupid, arch, and "ironic" way as humanly possible.
Yes, I saw where "fantastical" elements were introduced before, but those were signaled as dream sequences, thus setting up the rules for the audience.
Meaning that the audience is meant to take the ending as LITERAL in the movie.
Which makes it, again, stupid, arch, and "ironic" in the most heavy-handed manner possible.
I give the rest of the movie 6 stars, the end 0.
Weighted for run time on one side and import on the other (the END is the most critical part of any liner work of art), 4 stars.
Spenser Confidential (2020)
Not the worst movie ever, but pretty bad.
Formulaic to the extreme. Winston Duke is kind of fun, and I love Alan Arkin, but no one escapes unscathed from this by-the-numbers exercise.
If the cheesy writing and odd pacing weren't bad enough, there is enough exposition to sink Shakespeare, and this ain't Shakespeare.
I've giving it 4 stars mainly because I like some of the visuals, and I'm feeling generous.
Sanditon (2019)
An unmitigated disaster
Supposedly a "love letter" of sorts to Jane Austen, this is instead an incredibly inappropriate parody, which seems to have been created more by someone who hates Austen, rather than adores her. Hand jobs in the park? Forced coupling on the floor of a mansion? Really? In Jane Austen? And then, if we could have forgiven these tone-deaf attempts to perhaps "update" Austen for modern tastes - it ends with the heroine both UNHAPPY and POOR. For God's sake, one thing Austen required was that the heroine end up with someone with money, since that was so critical in her day. But when the putative hero rides up at the last moment, we don't get a wonderful "I've rejected the other woman's money, I love you too much, blah blah" (perhaps with some arcane excuse for some other method of getting the required funds). No, we get a limp "I couldn't bear you to think badly of me." Really? To assuage your own feelings you make this dramatic appearance? Pitiful.
And the WORST part of the whole painful exercise was listening to the creator repeatedly natter on about how clever it all was, how faithful, how brilliant, when it was obvious, shallow, and inappropriate.
This was the first "Masterpiece" series that I've ever seen which got so much wrong. Beyond the writing, the direction was clunky, the continuity nonexistent - hilariously, two people dressed mainly in white treat a worker who's spurting blood in all direction, yet emerge moments later with all their clothing spotless. That sort of thing was painfully common.
An embarrassment all around.
Man on Fire (2004)
Just terrible - pretentious, empty, vapid
Washington gives a one-note performance, everyone else is basically a stock character. The touches meant to give our main characters (Peta and Creesy) depth feel blatantly slapped on top. At all times, the viewer sees and feels the gears turning to the next predictable plot point. Well, the view MAY see them if he's not nauseated by the hilarious over-use of "arty" jump-cuts, over-saturated film, shaky cams, and pretty much any other cute trick a beginning film student might want to trot out.
One of the most pointless exercises I've seen in years.
I'll give it a second star just for trying.
Knight and Day (2010)
I love this movie!
First - the only reason I give it 9 instead of 10 stars? It's great fun, but it's not life-changing. That's it.
Now, down to business. This film is a prime example of "either you get it or you don't". If you go with the clearly tongue-in-cheek approach, you love it. The sillier it gets, the more you love it. Especially when it plays the silliness so straight, which is the best way to go. Act as if it's all normal, and it's hilarious. Act as if you're being funny, and it's just painful. But Cruise is really just so darn _polite_ at all times! "Please, June, just open the door. (Blam! Blam!) I really need you to open the door. (Blam! Blam! Blam!) That's a lovely dress, by the way!" Come on, even paraphrased, how funny is that?
Some people disliked the truncated action scenes, such as the glimpses a drugged June sees during their escape to the island, even suggesting they were truncated for budget reasons. Well, maybe, but to me they were the perfect antidote to the equally-far-fetched but over- produced sequences in most action movies. Ooh, the hero is hanging upside-down by his heels, but assures us he's almost free. Wham! Somehow, he is... how? We never know, but by then it's on to the next action-movie trope (helicopter?), and the next, until finally we arrive in Paradise.
For me, the characters were as convincing and real as they could be within this winking universe, and I have watched this movie several times, just for the pleasure of seeing Cruise and Diaz circle each other until they become a true fighting unit. They've both got skills!