malkavthejester Reviews

Batman Begins (2005)

Bats are nocturnal!

[10/10 · 3 July 2005]

The title of this comment is an actual line from the movie. Bruce says it when Alfred wakes him in the afternoon, the day after his first night out as a superhero. This is the kind of humor you can expect from the film. It sometimes appears in unexpected situations, which makes it that much better. The Batman films can't really be classified as comedy, but they all had funny bits, and this one is no exception.

That said, the action is certainly not boring. We get to see the young Bruce Wayne in flashbacks and nightmares, and we get a better idea of why he became Batman in the first place. Then we see him training, occasionally getting his butt kicked, and learning how to navigate Gotham City as a shadowy ninja-like crime fighter.

The actors all did very well, even Katie Holmes. That one surprised me a little. I'm no fan of hers, and I wasn't sure she belonged in a Batman movie, but she pulled off her character pretty well. Really, the female lead characters in the Batman movies aren't there to be realistic, wonderful characters. They're there as a contrast to the city itself - Gotham is huge, dark, Gothic, and filled with crime and other horrors. Each of the female leads embodied a different idealistic quality. The Katie Holmes character was the pretty assistant D.A. only interested in making sure justice was done in every situation. Remember Vicki Vale? The Kim Basinger character was the intrepid reporter looking to write a fair and revealing story about Batman, to show the world his true motivations. Blah blah blah. They're secondary, important to the plot but ultimately forgettable, for the most part. Katie Holmes was no exception, and she did a decent job of it.

Christian Bale was absolutely the right choice for this Batman. He has such a wide range of talents when it comes to acting, it's almost difficult to believe he's only one person. Really, would anyone think the same actor could play the lead in a live-action Disney musical about overworked children AND one of the best incarnations of Batman on screen? Usually not, but there you go. He's funny in the right places, and he's able to convey a lot of emotion with his face and voice, a talent that is all too rare these days. Also, his role as the psychotic Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho" proved he's got the chops to play dark and demented. I've thought of Batman that way since the early Tim Burton films, with Michael Keaton.

Michael Caine was the perfect Alfred. He was able to show us how much the butler really loved the Wayne family, and when the parents were killed he assumed the role of surrogate father to the grieving child left behind. Caine was also good at conveying that sense of aristocratic attitude I saw in the older versions of Alfred without going over the top.

I love Morgan Freeman, so I'm biased on this one. I love everything he does, including this role. Lucius Fox was every inch the eccentric inventor. He seemed like he was glad to see his creations finally put to good use. Plus, he got to ride in the car, and he got to show Batman how to use all the cool gadgets on the utility belt. Great role, played by the right actor.

At first, I thought Cillian Murphy was the guy from Eurotrip. I looked him up, and he isn't. While I can't quite remember what else I may have seen Murphy in, it doesn't really matter. I loved him as Scarecrow. It was interesting to me, to see what kind of villain Scarecrow really was. No super powers at all, no mutations, no gadgets except the mask and the psychotropic drug he used to work his evil magic, but it worked. Hey, Batman doesn't have any powers either. He's got gadgets though, and lots of training. Scarecrow has a background in psychiatry, drugs and a cool villain mask. And with these few tools he was able to bring Gotham City to turmoil within the course of this almost two-and-a-half hour movie. The mark of a great villain is his ability to do a lot of evil with very little power or help. This guy is one of the greats.

Really, there is no way to spoil this movie. I could sit here and type the script verbatim, and those who read it would still enjoy the movie. There would still be surprises, if only visual ones. It's worth the price of admission just to see what Gotham City looks like in this film. And they managed to make it look real, like a city that might really exist somewhere out there.

That's the word for this film: real. Batman is seen as a real guy, doing things other real people could do with the right training and enough money. Scarecrow/Dr. Crane is a realistic - if slightly unbalanced - head shrinker who simply gets overly fascinated by the mind of the criminal psychotic. Everything ties together in the end, and there is some good foreshadowing to get us hooked on the Batman story until the end of time.

Crazy People (1990)

This movie won't just make you laugh, it'll make you stop breathing and die.

[25 May 2004]

Well, I almost did. The first time I saw Crazy People, I thought it was a work of comic genius. Now, several years later, I still do.

Emory and Steve (Dudley Moore and Paul Reiser) are ad executives who need to come up with new advertisements in a hurry. When Emory's relationship falls apart, he becomes disillusioned with the whole business of lying and makes up some honest ads. As his partner, Steve is naturally concerned, and has him committed to a mental hospital. While they're doing that, the honest ads accidentally get printed. People everywhere are told that they should fly United Airlines because, quote, "Most of our passengers get there alive." This is just one of the hilarious and truthful ads we get to see in the film.

When the honest ads become wildly popular, the head of the ad agency wants Emory to come back to work. He doesn't want to leave the hospital, so the members of his group therapy group become ad writers to help him. As it turns out, the lunatics are very good at writing honest commercials. The New York tourism campaign was particularly good. Ad #1 told us that "It's not as filthy as you think," whereas Ad #2 assured us that "There were fewer murders last year."

There is a bit of tension in the middle of the movie, but I'm not going to spoil that for those people who haven't seen it yet. Trust me, it's worth the rental price. If you're looking for a good laugh, get ahold of this movie. If you're looking for intelligent discourse on the subject of dishonesty in society or mankind's relative dishonesty with himself or others, rent something else along with this movie.

One more ad, in case you're not totally convinced yet: "Metamucil: It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it, you'll get cancer and die."

Go on. You know you want to. Okay, go to the toilet first. But then, rent this movie!

Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

Take that, holidays!

[10 March 2004]

It's about time there was a Hanukkah movie. And I'm glad it was this one. I love musicals, especially funny ones. Plus, the Fiddler on the Roof-esque number toward the end of this movie was a scream.

It starts out with Davey Stone causing trouble and wreaking havoc on the town and all the nice Christmas and Hanukkah decorations. He's kind of a Grinch in the beginning. We find out why later, and I'm not going to spoil it for those who haven't seen it. But you can sort of understand why he'd be bitter and mean, even if he does go a bit overboard. Stealing a snowmobile and crashing through the giant Menorah ice sculpture was overkill. But he gets the point across - he's bitter and hates the holidays.

But Davey finally gets picked up and has his day in court. The judge makes him do community service helping Whitey referee children's basketball. At first he acts like a big jerk in front of everyone, and they throw things. But then he starts to warm up to this kid, who just happens to be the son of the girl Davey was in love with when he was twelve. It's all very cosmic, in a Three Stooges sort of way.

Whitey and Elinore are some of the funniest cartoon characters I've seen in a long time. Also, Jon Lovitz's character was good, even if he's only in the movie for a few minutes at the end. And I quote: "When I was a kid, I always dreamed of two things. Learning how to make a hook shot with my left hand,

and becoming a multimillionaire. Well, I guess we all know which one of those dreams came true." Then he puts his left hand on the podium, and it's a hook. Yeah, I guess that left-handed hook shot is out of the question now, huh?

This is a movie worth seeing. I've been watching it for the past week or so, and it's not anywhere near Hanukkah. Just a funny, funny movie.

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

(sung) Let's build a snowman! Let's all build a snowman! (gunshot)

[10 March 2004]

I have just seen this movie for the first time. There isn't much I could say that would ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it, as this is one that has to be seen to be believed. First of all, the story of the Packer Expedition is true. Less famous than the Donner Party, maybe, but it happened. Now, the situation doesn't seem all that funny, when you look at it as it happened. But when you add snappy songs and dances and the minds of the weirdos who bring us South Park, even cannibalism can be a laugh-riot.

Alferd Packer is a nice, quiet prospector just looking to settle down and build a ranch in the mountains where he and his beloved horse Liane can live out their days in peace and harmony. A bunch of prospectors want to go to Colorado to look for gold, and their guide is tragically struck by lightning and converted into charcoal. Alferd had worked in Colorado, so they sort of coerce him into being their guide, and as you may have guessed, hilarity ensues. Well, hilarity and cannibalism.

Like I said, you have to see it to believe it. I loved it though. See it once, just so you can say you have. Plus, it gets a nice reaction from a crowd of friends. "Have you seen Cannibal the Musical? Anyone? Where are you all going?" I give it a very enthusiastic twelve thumbs up.

May (2002)

Oh god no! Not the eyes!

[5 January 2004]

This movie was all right. A bit more dramatic than it needed to be, maybe, but not too bad. Eye injuries make me squeamish, so I spent a few minutes of the film with my face in a pillow.

Basically, May is a girl with no friends who is constantly disappointed by the people she meets. Two short relationships end in devastation for the shy girl, as her first boyfriend dumps her by cutting off all contact and her first girlfriend sleeps with practically every other female in the movie. This is when May notices that people have perfect parts, but there are no perfect people. So she starts taking the perfect bits and building the perfect person, who will never hurt her or leave her.

Watching her take the body parts is kinda fun, if you like that sort of slasher movie stuff. The very end is kind of gruesome and disturbing, as if the writer couldn't decide between a B-movie and a psychological horror film, so he wrote both. It's worth seeing once, but I'm glad I didn't pay seven bucks to see it in theatres.

The Gamers (2002 Video)

Well, I thought it was funny.

[10 November 2003]

I am a gamer, and this movie had me cracking up for the entire 48 minutes. It's short, but it gets its point across. From the looks of things, a comedy troupe made this movie. They obviously had a very low budget. The sets looked very fake, but it was okay. It sort of added to the humor.

Sometimes, with higher budget movies featuring big stars, the actors seem wrong for the parts. The guys in "Gamers" seemed exactly right for their roles, as if they really ARE gamers in real life. Each actor played two roles: a gamer, and his character. The gamers were funny at times and argumentative at others, just like real live gamers. The characters - a barbarian, an archer, a mage and a thief - were cheesy and overdramatic, just like the characters played by a lot of real live gamers. The film might as well have been a documentary about players of role-playing games. As I watched the silly drama unfold, all I could think was "This is how my gamer friends and I look to outsiders!" The idea made me laugh.

I'd bring this movie to a party or friendly gathering. It's not too long for the subject, it's funny, and it's almost true to life.