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Are You Being Served? (1977)
From a Die-Hard AYBS? Fan
The problems with this movie are many. First, there is no laugh track. Let's face it; half the comedy of watching Mr. Humphries come out of the lift dressed like a fairy prince is the audience howling with you. Now, even had the laugh track been present, it would be forced at best; it's simply not funny. Most of the one-liners and sight-gags are simply recycled from the episodes, but with inferior delivery and context. Next the plot suffers from being contrived, itself borrowed from 'Hurrah for the Holidays'. And the lighting and set pieces of Grace Brothers are unfamiliar and distracting.
A very disappointing piece that should be skipped. You may wish to see anything and everything that is AYBS?, but are not missing anything by passing this one up.
Editing this post after watching it another 10 times... it kind of grows on you I guess. I still give it an objective 2 stars for it's quality (or lack thereof) but for some weird reason we've watched it several times.
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Not worth 2 cents
It's hard to believe that a movie this bad can be made today. The plot (if you can call it that), the acting, the script, the photography, the music, the SFX, are all cheesy third world. It's really quite a travesty, a complete waste of their money and time. - DO NOT buy this movie - you will never watch it more than once, and that's if you can get through it once. There are numerous comments posted already that detail the weaknesses of this Z-movie. - And I remember playing the game about 10 years, what is the remote resemblance between this movie and the game, besides the name?
Since there is no such thing as a no-star hotel, I have to give this a 1 star out of 10.
From Justin to Kelly (2003)
Is there no shame?
This 'movie' is unbelievably bad. I admit I was only able to see (stomach) bits of it but if the parts represent the whole, this movie is of quality lower than what you have likely encountered anytime before.
After coming to grips with how amazingly bad this was, I was more shocked to learn that this had a theatrical release! They actually released this into the cinema. We do not watch a lot of TV, and hardly (never) watch shows like American Idol. Having never seen it, and having seen Justin and Kelly act in this tripe, it's safe to say (at least to myself) that this show will never make my list. The script, the acting, plot, the clichés, set production are all of the lowest quality. It's unbelievably bad.
I'd like to make some comments on the rating it receives here. It has a 1.7 rating (1.0 being the absolute worst on a scale of 1-10). ~76% of the people rate it 1.0 (aweful). ~6% of the people rate is a 2 or 3. ~3% of the people rate it between 9 and 4. ~12% of the people rate it a perfect 10. OK, here's where I am convinced that the rating system is uncontrolled for people who are 1) out of their minds, 2) pranksters, or 3) think that a 10 is a 1 and visa versa.
This movie conforms to the lowest standards; don't waste your time on it.
Undercover Brother (2002)
I loved this movie!
If I want a good laugh, it's a sure thing when I pop this movie in. I've read some of the other critiques, and I wonder if we've all seen the same movie. For those that complain about it being racist against white people, let he who has never sinned (told a racist joke) cast the first stone. If you can't laugh at yourself, you got no right laughing at anyone or anything. Sure, it pokes fun at whites, but I think equally, or even more, as much at blacks. If you were offended by this movie you are way too sensitive; it pokes fun at everyone. Just because we can laugh at people's differences does not mean that we disrespect them. Ever laughed at something silly your kids did? Diversity and differences are good, they can also be funny as heck.
Let's face it, UB is cool! He's got a cool car, cool clothes, cool moves, and some warm ladies. And the sideburns, too much. Here's the litmus test; my wife is the toughest person to make laugh out loud. We had to watch it twice in a row because she was laughing so hard we missed half the movie. My young kids love it! It's their favorite movie to watch on road trips, and I love it because I can crack up listening to it.
Rent it; if you're not busting up within the first 5 minutes, you're likely not going to appreciate the rest of it. Take a chill pill and maybe watch Gandi or something. If you're crying like we were, you're in for a real treat!
Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)
How could this be?
Austin Powers II is one of the few movies that I went to see twice at the cinema during its run there. I bought the DVD as soon as it came out and have watched it many times since. I mention this because I had high expectations for AP III. I could spend a lot of time extolling the comedic virtues of AP II, and then simply tell you that AP III has none of them.
There are many scenes and devices from AP II that are re-tried in AP III. None of them work. The reason they do not work, in my opinion, is because instead of infusing more originality they just infused more vulgarity. Now mind you, I think a fart joke is as funny as the next guy, or my 8 year old daughter. There is hardly anything witty or original (as I mentioned) about this movie, but instead is a layering of silly, over-the-top bodily function and sexual humor. The script is hardly engaging, and the plot is confusing and disjointed. And Beyonce, she's no Heather Graham in any way shape or form. The Goldmember character is weak, not entertaining to look at, and does not play a prominent role in the movie when compared to Dr. Evil. They could not even get past him. And the ending... it's as schmaltzy as, well, an estranged family reunion.
If you have not seen this movie, I suggest only watching it if you can borrow it from a friend, have 2 hours to kill (I started cleaning out the junk drawer in front of the TV after 20 minutes) and be prepared for an endlessly rippling wave of mindless low-bro 'humor'. If that's your thing, no doubt it's your friend's thing too and you have likely already been talked into seeing it or even own it.
No wonder you can get the deluxe collector's edition at Columbia House for $5.95; it's hardly worth more.
I highly recommend Undercover Brother - original and FUNNY.
Madagascar (2005)
All Hail King Julian
I'd like to first suggest to those who pointed out some logical weaknesses in the movie that this is an animated movie about talking animals. Some reviewers had trouble with certain plot points such as them getting on a subway or building a cabana on the beach. There's not 5 minutes of this movie that could possibly be even remotely plausible! Hello! That being said, it was a relatively entertaining movie that if made into a sequel should have as it's main character the King of the Lemers, and perhaps his sidekick, the Gizmo-looking Cedric guy. I thought I was going to die when the King starts doing the Robot. The 2 lesser characters (the hippo, giraffe) were expendable and I have no idea why the hypochondriac giraffe was scripted at all, unless it was to make the other three look more interesting and less annoying. The animation is incredible, lots of eye-candy, great music, lots of slapstick (fool-proof with kids under 10), quick-paced story-line, some agreeable morality, and a thoroughly pleasant ending. Oh, and the penguins; more, more, more! I had no problem with them casting the 'big names' as the voice cast, I'm not a huge fan of any of them so I was not distracted. It's not Shrek, and not Miyazaki, but's it got enough to be entertaining throughout (provided you're not expecting anything cerebral). My kids are 8 and 6, and they were talking and laughing about it most of the night and again in the morning. Which brings me to another concern others had; for those whining about the money; go to the Matinée next time! Spending $10-12 on your kid so they can laugh for a couple of hours is a no-brainer. The movie's target audience are pre-teen children, especially those under 10, and chances are they will love the movie, whether you do or not.
I rated this based upon how well my children enjoyed it.
Big Fish (2003)
Brilliant
This is by far Burton's best. While there are dozens of self confessed chick-flicks' (I did not invent the term), this is definitely a film guys will relate to at a deep level. The whole movie struck a cord with me and certainly the end made me declare that there was something in the air irritating my eyes. Seriously, if father-son relationships tug at you, you MUST see this movie. I thought about this movie for quite some time afterwards. I have not done a power calculation to see if this is statistically significant or not, but almost every guy I asked loved it and almost every woman thought it was dumb. I think if you go into this thinking/hoping it will be a fantasy film you might be bothered by the weighty elements (which are really the core of the movie supporting the more fantastic elements of the film). 9 out of 10
The Sixth Sense (1999)
Brilliant
This is an incredible film. Believe it or not, I saw this for the first time in the summer of 2004 (5 years after release). I had to watch it two more times within the week. Now I understand why so many tickets were sold; people likely saw this movie more than once. I could go on and on but I will say that I will now go see anything that has Collette (Cole's mom) in it. The scene with her and Cole in the car at the end depleted my tissue box.
She delivered an incredible performance. 9 out of 10.
Cold Mountain (2003)
Brilliant but boring
The acting, script, and cinematography is superb. However, it is the longest 2.5 hour movie I have yawned through in a long time. Saving Private Ryan sets the bar for a battle sequence and I was thoroughly unimpressed with the PG-rated opening battle scene at Petersburg. Other elements of the movie firmly plant this movie in the R-rated arena and they certainly could have made the battle scene more realistic. Maybe this set me off for the rest of the movie. I was just waiting to see how it ended. There are two scenes (one is the Siren' scene) that are not family-friendly and should be fast forwarded by anyone who trusts what is written in Matthew 6. Even the behind the scenes featurette was slow (Minghella, have some coffee!). If you like a wonderful story, great acting and brilliant cinematography, you'll like this movie. If you like fast paced entertainment you may not. 7 out of 10.
The Avengers (1998)
Unbelievably bad
We suffered through this one just to see how it ended. I found it in the $5.50 bin at Walmart and it was not worth it. It boggles the mind how three stellar cast members could sign on to such a lousy script and deliver such 2D performances. It's low rating score is right on target. Chances are you'll find this a total waste of your time.
Holes (2003)
Disappointing
This is not a great movie, or a very good movie. It is good and I give if 5/10. I admit that I have not read the book, and perhaps this is the reason why I found this movie less tolerable than others. By any means, it is not very funny. Nor is it emotional. I kept watching it just to see what the mystery was (had I read the book I probably would have conceded to my family's wishes and stopped the movie). I agree, the scene where they get to the top of mountain is truly uninspired. The movie is flat, undeveloped, dark, and not engrossing.
Hulk (2003)
Simply laughable
This movie is totally rediculous! I cannot believe they released it. The acting is amateur, save Jennifer. The Hulk's abilities are ludicrous. The script is scattered and filled with holes. When he started jumping through the desert I about laughed myself off my couch. The multi-frame cinemagraphics are truly annoying.
The Miracle Maker (1999)
This is a very good movie
This movie is about Jesus Christ. And any movie that glorifies Christ is worth seeing; this one is actually quite good at it. The animation is unique and effective. The voice acting is convincing. The whole family can enjoy this one. The cel animation that appears throughout the movie is neat. At least rent it for a viewing, you'll be glad you did. The DVD has some neat special features.
As the title indicates, this movie centers on Christ's miracles, but has plenty of parables, counter-legalism interactions with the teachers of the Law, historical clues, relationships, calling of the 12, Gethsemane, the miracle of the Cross, and most importantly the resurrection. My favorite scene is the woman who touches His robe.
Spider-Man (2002)
What don't I see?
This movie is entertaining for my 6 year old, especially the part when he's trying to figure out how to move his hands to make the web. I can't believe this movie has such a following. The script and acting are totally amateur hour (except the foster parents of course, they do a good job). The green goblin is a joke. Maybe that's why my 6 year old likes this movie so much - it's at her level. X-men has way better FX and character depth. I have not seen Seabiscuit or his other movies but in this movie alone Maguire's acting rivals the kid in Phantom Menace.