Belldogg81 Reviews

Fall (I) (2022)

Don't Fall for the Hype

[3/10 · 8 March 2023]

Absolute steaming pile of horse apples. The script must have been written by an AI generator fed mawkish inspirational quotes and Disney pre teen show dialogue.

I refuse to accept humans were involved in this. Nobody says "You got this!" Every four seconds. The whole grieving girlfriend could not be played more maudlin any jeopardy you might feel is massively tempered by the characters being annoying and the plot devices being super lame.

Even allowing for the USA's famously decrepit infrastructure, I'm not buying it.

The only thing to take from this is to try harder not to FALL for Netflix films advertised on Ladbible. When will I learn....

Spiderhead (2022)

Another Expensive looking Netflix B Movie

[5/10 · 22 June 2022]

A list actors, B list story. Basically another Netflix original that rips off Black Mirror and hopes that enough expensive set designs, and a moody electro score will convince people they're watching something interesting. The cast do their best and all get pass marks for what they've got to work with.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

Short-Changed and the Lacking of Many Things

[6/10 · 7 December 2021]

If the first three entries of phase four are anything to go by, Endgame was more prophetic than it was meant to be.

Along with the ok Black Widow, the messy and boring Eternals, Shang-Chi serves as another middling entry into the MCU.

Whilst the cast are by and large fine and some of the action is fine, at no point does this film do anything we haven't seen before. More than once.

The film also suffers from no genuine feeling of jeopardy which isn't unusual in the MCU but when a new character is in the middle of such heavily choreographed scenes which follow typical MCU action scene beats, it's hard to care what happens.

The fantasy element towards the end changes the tone slightly but it is really bland and cheesy. Sickly Sweet Disney script writers seem to have their fingerprints all over it. Again this reliance on a giant CGI fest of a last act peppered with cannon fodder monsters and slow-mo shots between the main characters as they are "in danger" was played out a long time ago.

It seems as though many have enjoyed it though. Everyone is different but anyone who has seen half a dozen MCU films will have seen this movie before.

The Circle (I) (2017)

When you order an episode of Black Mirror on Wish.

[3/10 · 26 August 2021]

A film with a kernel of a good idea that was put in a furnace for three days. I find it shocking that a subject matter so prescient could be undermined at almost every turn by the utter stupidity of the screenplay.

The talent of the cast is unquestionable. And to their credit they try their best with the material. However the idea that this level of privacy invasion could not only be achieved but lapped up by a fervent, cult like population in their millions in broad daylight is utterly ridiculous. Even more so in the cold light of 2021. There's a reason Facebook and Cambridge Analytica did all the dirty deeds this film is riffing on in the shadows.

Watson's arc is also confusing. A naive working class girl dazzled but the bright lights is a sensible start. But the film tries in vain to balance this with her ascent within the company to become the biggest proponent of even more control over user's lives. Before she eventually comes good. It doesn't make sense and one inexplicably engineered 'accident' is what it all hangs on.

There are numerous more problems with the movie the seem to affect a lot of Netflix originals. Parts overcooked and undercooked. You get the idea.

Nobody (I) (2021)

Saul goes into Rampage mode over a lost Bangle

[6/10 · 30 May 2021]

A retired government assassin trying to live a normal life is turned back into the merciless psychopath he presumably once was after he's emasculated during a break in.

He seems fine then it transpires his daughter's bracelet was seemingly stolen. He goes on a rampage and the film is basically a long line of Russians being executed in different ways.

While a slightly less wafer thin plot than John Wick it's basically the same film. A little bit of Denzel's Equaliser, a little bit of Drive with Ryan Gosling. Nothing new or different. Just another average entry in the 'middle aged man murders dozens of thugs over something relatively insignificant'. At least with Taken you could understand.

Da 5 Bloods (2020)

Makes you long for the days of big studio interference...

[4/10 · 18 March 2021]

I'm unsure of exactly what I've watched in Da 5 Bloods. Such is the ambition and sheer free wheeling nature of the script it was only going to soar or plummet to earth. Sadly it's very much the latter. That a bona fide colossus of film making like Spike Lee can get something so wrong is remarkable. This guy has made some absolutely fantastic films and I'm a huge fan of much of his back catalogue. Also the fact he is not long off Black KKKlansman, one of the sharpest, wittiest films of the last ten years makes this hot mess even more surprising.

I don't have the time or patience to list off all that's wrong with it. My fingers are cramped from watching much of the film through them. The redeeming qualities are some cast members perform well albeit seemingly in different films. The score is good and there are some interesting nods to how nam was for black soldiers. These only serve to remind you how much of a disservice the rest of the film is though as it meanders between self indulgent and flabby, almost TV drama.

Hopefully we can see a great film about the black experience in Vietnam as there is definitely some fertile dramatic ground that other nam films haven't touched. This film isn't it.

Saint Maud (2019)

Definitely scarier than Harold & Maud

[7/10 · 8 March 2021]

Been hearing good things about this film for a while. Not a huge horror fan but try and watch the well received ones. This is slightly mis-described being much more a psychological drama with horror elements.

Amazing central performances from Morfydd Clark and Jennifer Ehle. First thing I've seen from from the writer/director too but I'm sure this must be her finest work to date. Deeply unsettling throughout with some genuinely upsetting scenes. The film makes the most of the central character's religious fervour coupled with her diminishing mental health. This is the engine that drives the film. Although seemingly slow paced it's really clear this is intentional as the tension mounts to the terrifying climax. It reminded me of Under the Skin and to a lesser extent a film Called Calvaire in its almost kitchen sink drama approach to the scares.

Nothing showy or glossy which keeps everything grounded and believable. No real gimmicky jump scares or other silly horror tropes which usually put me off. A great little film which deserves a much bigger audience.

Queen & Slim (2019)

A solid effort from two novice film makers.

[7/10 · 24 May 2020]

Having seen this a few weeks ago, I was a blank slate going into it. Obviously I was familiar with Daniel Kaluuya, from Get Out and Black Panther and had read the film was a first time directorial effort (on this scale) but had no other preconceptions about it.

I was pleasantly surprised by just how accomplished it was. The film looks gorgeous. The cast all deliver on what feels like a fairly loose screenplay in keeping with the indie spirit of the film. Yes some plot points feel a little contrived in order to move the story on but nothing so bad that it derails the film.

The film very much reminds me of Badlands and to a lesser extent True Romance in its dreamier sequences, as the camera does an expert job of capturing the furtive glances and subconscious body language of the two protagonists deepening relationship. This is aided by an excellent soundtrack and the aforementioned top notch cinematography.

Special note to the landscape of Florida itself which as the film moves from the tight, dark confines of the city to the hot, wide open vistas serves as visual metaphor for the journey of the central characters.

It's hard enough (in 2020) to view anything outwith the prism of politics, and even harder with a film that touches on the tragedy of the black experience in modern America for some. If even the user reviews here are anything to go by, those of a caucasian persuasion (as i am) feel aggrieved at how white cops are portrayed. Forgetting that there are many incidents of "malpractice" every week and that this is a movie. Also there are plenty of films about honest, good police officers.

I would urge people to watch the film and see this is not the central point of the film. Nor does it make any strong judgement call one way or another. It simply uses what is a tragically all too common occurrence to light the spark of the story. Then holds up a lens to how that type of incident could play out. No real grandstanding, more a welcome subversion of the fugitive /romance genre from a different perspective.

It's a film that doesn't force its message or feel it has to show black people railing against injustice or overt oppression and overcoming all the odds. It just shows two people on the run, trying to survive.

As Slim says in one of the film's many great lines. "Why do black people have to be excellent, why can't we just be ourselves".

Gangs of London (2020– )

Glocks, Shocks & Many Smoking Barrels

[8/10 · 24 May 2020]

Despite the title of this review, this series owes little to Guy Ritchie's, cheeky chappy cockney gangster films. Instead it seems to draw its influences from some of the better Nordic crime fiction of the 21st Century. With familiar beats of some of the classic American gangster films of years gone by.

I was initially put off by the series title, seemed a little too on the nose and basic to suggest something as great as it is. Make no mistake though, this is an excellent crime drama series.

The Violence will of course be the main talking point for most. And given some of the reviews it clearly is too much for some. It is VERY gory, those that aren't put off by that may find it too stylised and that this type of ultra violence jars with the more grounded dramatic scenes. It's not an unfair criticism but one I feel just need a minor concession from the viewer in order to see some of the greatest action scenes ever on UK TV. It is worth noting that one the series creators is Gareth Evans who made The Raid. A brutal ultra violent ballet, and well worth a watch.

Essentially what plays out over nine episodes is the power struggle between rival gangs over control of an empire whilst the power struggle within the ruling Wallace family threatens to tear it and the city apart. So far so Godfather I thought (this opinion firmed up with the son who assumes power being very much in the Sonny Corleone mold and his weaker brother very much Fredo).

This initial take was quickly parked though as through the early episodes various layers and complexities are added to the story. Multi-cultural, modern London is represented for good and bad as Pakistani Heroin Kingpins, Kurdish Resistance fighters also trafficking drugs, Traveller community criminals, Albanian Mafia, Danish Para-Military assassins and Nigerian Warlords are thrown into the melting pot.

As the race to find the killer of the head of the Wallace family speeds up, family loyalties as well as business associations are broken and repaired and broken again. Viewers are teased with possible outcomes before the story twists and subverts the narrative as characters are brutally slain and it feels as though anyone could be killed at any moment. Sub plots bubble away as those that can try and make a grab for power, do. There is also the larger context of international corruption framing much of the story. This is interwoven throughout the script and becomes more prevalent as the series concludes, adding further sub-text to the action.

The central character of Elliot is wonderfully played by Sope Dirisu. He appears as a mysterious no-nonsense figure in the opening episode. Battering his way through Albanian thugs and managing to get a foot in the door of the Wallace empire as a result. He becomes our window into the underworld as he attempts to navigate his way to the side of the new de-facto crime boss.

The rest of the cast are equally good to varying degrees, Michelle Fairley and Lucian Msamati in particular excel as the Wallace Matriarch and Long time right hand man of the now dead Finn Wallace respectively. They are both ably supported by the younger cast who inhabit their roles comfortably. Joe Cole as Sean Wallace does take a little getting used to as the boy emperor. He comes off as a little too waspish and prissy to begin with. All narrowed eyes and sharp tongue, but grows into the role very well given how much of the series he carries on his shoulders it's an admirable performance overall.

As I said previously, this may not be for everyone but by any metric you care to choose this is a brilliantly crafted series. You are unlikely to see action and violence on such a cinematic scale anywhere on TV, outside of one or two shows (Westworld sprigs to mind). While the dialogue may not sizzle as often as the action there is enough twists and turns to keep any fan of crime dramas entertained.

Ford v Ferrari (2019)

Cor Blimey, what a Picture!

[8/10 · 16 January 2020]

The story of Carroll Shelby and Ken Miles gets the Hollywood treatment in this nostalgic look at the motor racing scene of the 60's. It also succeeds in harking back to the kind of films Hollywood doesn't make any more.

Although this is in many ways a standard three act rise, fall and rise again narrative it's elevated by the excellent central and supporting performances. Damon is on top form as the bullish and ambitious good ol' boy Shelby. Compensating for his own enforced retirement as a driver by building up a successful race car construction company.

Bale, as ever, gives a memorable portrayal as the flawed genius Ken Miles. Quick tempered but never nasty, a loveable rogue and family man whose own driving career could clearly have been one of true greatness if not for his inability to compromise or bite his tongue.

The two leads rock and roll throughout proceedings, quick to clash but quick to make up again and once on board with the Ford motor company (who are desperate to end Ferrari's dominance of the Le Mans) the film really cooks.

The Ford suits are played fairly stereotypically but Josh Lucas is the film's real hissable villain. Playing the smarmy exec role to perfection.

Events play out much as you would expect but no less entertaining for it. Even the somewhat cliched speeches and corny English asides (all English people love cups of tea and say Cor Blimey!) Don't detract from the thrills.

The racing scenes are noisy and muscular, visceral in the same way as Ron Howard's Rush and put you right in the driving seat. And the final race is the highlight. Here the story even manages a slight twist I didn't see coming and stops the film veering into well worn ground.

Top notch stuff, well worth watching.

Jojo Rabbit (2019)

Die Arbeit von Taika wird dich zum Lachen und Weinen bringen.

[9/10 · 14 January 2020]

In a solid year for films, particularly those at the business end of the awards season Jojo Rabbit stands out a mile. Mining the most horrific period in modern history for laughs is not to be attempted lightly. This film however manages to combine genuine belly laughs and consistent chuckles with real heart. For this alone it deserves all the praise it has received.

It splices the emotion of Spielberg (without the schmaltz), the slapstick of Python (without the real silliness) and the off beat characterisation of the Coen Brothers and filters it all through Waititi's unique comedic voice.

Anyone who has followed Waititi's career as I have from Flight of the Conchords through to Hunt for the Wilderpeople and Thor Ragnarok will see elements of all of these laced subtlety and more overtly through Jojo. Hunt for the Wilderpeople is probably the closest thing to a companion piece in that they are both driven by a child navigating a grown ups world and both deliver laughs and tears.

If you've seen the trailer or know a little of the film then the story is basically one of Jojo, a passionate Hitler Youth member who in the absence of siblings and a father imagines himself none other than Der Fuhrer as a friend.

He is of course played by the director Taiki Waititi in what can only be described a a unique take on history's worst human. The interplay between him and Jojo (played brilliantly by Roman Griffin Davis in incredibly his first film role) propels the first act as Jojo seeks to become the very model of the HitlerJugend. Bright eyed, inmocent, cherubic and full of zest he fantasies in his bedroom of glory while dressed in his uniform as any young boy the world over would do dressed as their favourite sports star or singer.

We soon meet Sam Rockwell as the youth camp captain. As always he delivers, bringing a little of his character in Billboards to what is essentially the shell of a once proud Nazi no longer able to take part in combat due to an injury. He is a shambling, drunken but still wily man who manages to dole out advice to our young protagonist even though you are aware he is maybe not entirely on board with the party line.

Scarlett Joahnsson plays Jojo's Mother and is utterly charming as a single parent trying to keep her child a child while keeping him safe. She is playful, tough and teaches Jojo that there's more to life than Hitler and the war. She also has her secrets which give the film it's weight and most heartbreaking scene.

The real centerpiece of the film though is the relationship between Jojo and Elsa (another brilliant performance from a young actress I first seen in Leave no Trace and again excels here). Her discovery by Jojo begins to really anchor the direction of the film and is deftly played by the director as initial fear and horror are soon turned into curiosity and friendship. Much to the chagrin of Jojo's imaginary friend. (Worth noting at this point that Jojo's only real friend up to this point is Yoki who is a relentlessly optimistic delight and delivers much of the film's comic relief, even when things get really heavy).

As Jojo and Elsa's relationship blooms the spectre of the war machine's most insidious parts are never too far away and it is not long before an impromptu home inspection from the local Gestapo takes place.

Despite being played largely for laughs at the start it becomes genuinely tense as Thomasin McKenzie playing Elsa conveys all the inner turmoil and resilience as expertly as an actress far beyond her years. The scene drips in Pathos but as is the genius of Waititi, things are never allowed to get too heavy and we are soon chuckling again thanks to Stephen Merchant and his band of hapless goons.

The film begins to draw to a close as Jojo is left bereft and begins to lose what's left of his faith in the war. He resolves to protect his Jewish stowaway at all costs. As the Red army encircle the city and break through the last of the defences the final scene plays out like an old fashioned farce with young and old alike strapped with guns and bombs they can barely carry never mind operate. In actuality anyone with a cursory knowledge of Berlin's last stand will know this isn't as ridiculous as it seems.

Sam Rockwell's Captain Klenzendorf finally realises his heroic potential as the survivors (Jojo included) are rounded up by the Red Army. He knowingly creates a skirmish with Jojo which he knows will set Jojo free but result in his death. It's played brilliantly and Jojo is free to return home to his beloved Elsa.

Torn between telling her the truth and risk her exercising her new freedom and telling her a lie to keep her close, his inner conflict is there for all to see. He ultimately does the right thing and they step outside together for the first time in a new Germany and much changed world. This however is not before a final reckoning between Jojo and the ghost of his imaginary friend. Hardened by what he has been through and completely enchanted by Elsa, he delivers the film's final hilarious, punch the air moment.

If this does not win best picture it will not be a major surprise given the Academy's form for playing it safe with the Oscar's. But make no mistake, in years to come this will be the one people will say should have won.

A triumph, Heil Waititi!!!

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019)

Where was Jar Jar?

[5/10 · 12 January 2020]

The difficulty of relaunching the franchise in the hulking shadow of the carefully planned and continuity driven MCU is no more apparent than in this entry to the Star Wars series.

What began with the crowd pleasing if somewhat New Hope retread of The Force Awakens, before the divisive but entirely welcome change of approach with The Last Jedi is capped off with a retrograde and overall deeply disappointing finale.

Given the response to The Last Jedi which although flawed breathed much new life and bold ideas into the standard Star Wars formula I still found myself grimacing at the sheer amount of fanboy appeasement on display.

Ironically despite the wailing from the type of people who gleefully enter Jedi as their religion on any census or application form they get their hands on, they have been strangely silent on this films biggest slap in the face to the Star Wars legacy.

That occurs in the first five minutes when the return of Emperor Palpatine is confirmed. For any fans of the original films the moment of Darth Vader "killing" Palpatine is the culmination of the story's heart and truth. That Luke was able to redeem his father from the dark side is the emotional anchor of this universe. It is ruled null and void in what is the film's most misguided plot point. Obviously the film needed a big bad and Snoke had been killed in TLJ but for me the film never recovers from it. Also the wafer thin explanation for his existence (cloning??) Is laughable and poses way more questions than it answers.

In addition we have the awkward use of Carrie Fisher for whom some scenes work and some don't. Understandable somewhat obviously but surely a more heroic send off could've been written. There is an endless parade of greatest hits which the film seems built around serving rather than they serving it. Lando, Luke (disavowing his entire TLJ arc more or less) as well as smaller nods to previous films.

It's not all bad Rey and Kylo have some of their best moments despite some clunky dialogue and Poe gets a bit more to do but there never feels like any real danger and the film never really sizzles like the last two did in places.

The lack of stakes is again clearly so to not annoy anyone which means Chewy is only thought to have died but comes back, C3P0 permanent memory wipe is undone, Rey dies then doesn't, Kylo does, then doesn't, then does (also who knew the force could be sucked out like some kind of Sith Dyson?)

There are some great moments for sure but they are few and far, far between.

A sad end to a great franchise.

Robert the Bruce (2019)

50 Gold Pieces for more action and less existential crisis.

[4/10 · 11 July 2019]

First thing to say is with Braveheart still casting a long shadow over this period in Scotland's history and the more recent Outlaw King proving an entertaining if flawed take on The Bruce, the writers of this had a decision to make.

Clearly the decision to focus on Robert the Bruce's months in hiding was as much a financial decision as any artistic one. With the filming taking place in Montana, a largely unknown non Scottish cast and a novice director the budget constraints were more than apparent on screen.

This is not necessarily a barrier to making a watchable film but the idea that his months in hiding would make for an entertaining two hours was naive at best.

What we see is a fairly well worn tale of wounded hero taken in by noble peasant family until fit to return to his feet.

The young cast all perform well as does the mother Morag despite the limitations of the script but one speech in particular from the daughter is so maudlin it nearly ruins her entire performance.

Along with the stock medieval goons and villains pursuing The Bruce for the bounty on his head, the wonky sometimes laughable accents and a liberty taking retelling of The Bruce's altercation with John Comyn, the film casts The Bruce as a Taciturn almost mute figure when he is on screen.

This is meant to convey inner turmoil obviously but it unfortunately turns the film into a giant slog. Two hours feel like three and when do get some action at the end it is like sn Oasis in the desert. Even though it is a fairly standard battle sequence.

There are dozens of 10/10 reviews for this film here. And while I can't pretend to know exactly why they chose to score it this highly I can take a pretty good guess.

Unlike my fellow Yes voters I have to be honest. This just wasn't very good and was fatally flawed from the get go with the decision to include no real moments of spectacle.

If you're after a film about The Bruce then Outlaw King is still the best one out there. Just watch that.