Ephemeriis Reviews

Hulk (2003)

I can't believe they actually pulled it off...

[8/10 · 22 June 2003]

Going in to this movie, I didn't expect much. The trailers and previews all looked really bad. I'm not even that big a fan of the Hulk. But...the tickets were free...so why not?

I walked out of that theatre completely amazed. I can't believe they managed to pull it off. I found myself saying words I'd never expected to hear uttered - "it's good."

Now, that isn't to say that the movie was the greatest piece of cinematography ever...or that it had no flaws.... Merely that it was a good film. The acting was good, the story was entertaining, plenty of action, and amazingly enough the CGI was believable within the context of the movie.

I honestly did not expect to like this movie. I would not have gone to see it if the tickets were not free. But having seen it, I am very glad I did.

They (2002)

Surprisingly Good

[7/10 · 16 June 2003]

"They" is a surprisingly good thriller, the likes of which I haven't seen in quite some time. The concept of suspense seems to be something that the modern film industry has forgotten. Not so with "They". This movie lives and dies by its suspense.

There is a constant tension to the movie. Is she insane, or really being stalked by demons? Will they get her, or will she escape? Every single scene is dark and gloomy, providing plenty of opportunities for these dark demons to attack...even the ones that should be brightly lit. There's a true sense of isolation and hoplessness.

Having said all that, there is very little meat to this movie. It is basically the story of one woman fleeing from demons, both symbolicly and literally. We are never told where the demons come from, or where they go to, or what they want.... We never really see a lot of backstory, or resolution. It's just a chase. One long chase...but a suspenseful one.

Deathbed (2002 Video)

A disappointment...

[3/10 · 1 June 2003]

I saw this movie previewed before something else I rented a while back...and it looked decent. I've seen some good stuff from Full Moon video, and thought it was worth a shot... Unfortunately, this was not good stuff.

The story is about a possessed bed. A couple moves into a new apartment, discovers the bed, and odd things start happening. Odd things like the woman discovers kinky sex. And the man discovers kinky sex. And the woman draws pictures of kinky sex. And the man photographs kinky sex. And they both start having dreams about dead people having kinky sex. You'd think a movie with so much kinky sex would be good, right?

Well.... No. The problem is that this is supposed to be a scary movie, or at least a thriller, and it just doesn't deliver. There is little tension, no suspense, and no fear. Aside from some troubling dreams and visions, there really isn't anything for this couple to be worried about. The whole movie is basically the two of them having these visions and playing around in bed. Sure, you get a monster fight at the end...and some bloodshed...but nothing spectacular... There's only one murder, and one good scare, and that's it.

And the kinky sex? Don't get your hopes up (or anything else for that matter). Their idea of kinky sex is woman on top, fully clothed, trying to strangle her mate with a necktie. Not exactly my idea of a good time.

Signs (2002)

And the moral of the story is....

[2 August 2002]

....you've got to have faith.

Honestly, that's the most glaring thing that I remember from this movie. The last five minutes or so of the film reduce the whole thing to some kind of blatantly obvious morality play. As if one obvious statement of "moral" isn't enough, we get three of them in a row!

Certainly, the film was very well done. I was definitely entertained by this thing. I don't regret spending my money on it at all. In fact, I was quite impressed by how little the movie relied on its special effects. It's nice to see a movie driven by pure acting and storytelling rather than flashy effects.

The real problem that I have with this movie is that it isn't what I went to see. I went to see some kind of alien sci-fi thing...and that's not what Signs is. The whole crop circles thing is just a sub-plot. This movie is really about Father Graham's crisis of faith. It's all about learning to accept the bad as well as the good, and keeping your faith through it all. And again, if you don't pick that up during the movie itself you'll get it nailed into your skull during the last five minutes.

Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

brilliant throwback to classic sci-fi

[10/10 · 18 July 2002]

After being disappointed by several of this summer's offerings, I was very skeptical about this movie. Sure, the trailers look good, but that doesn't mean much. Thankfully, this movie proved to be everything I had hoped for, and then some.

Eight Legged Freaks is a throwback to the classic B&W sci-films of my youth, the kind that you used to be able to see late at night or on a lazy Saturday afternoon. There is no complicated justification for the giant spiders, they're just there. There's no dramatic over-acting, or glaring displays of special effects, not even any gratuitous sex or nudity. All this movie has is fun, and it's got plenty of that.

Beyond the joy of watching these spiders run amok and completely destroy the city, Eight Legged Freaks has numerous homages to classic movies. Watching for the inside jokes was nearly as much fun as watching the movie itself. This is a definite must-see for this summer.