mieschkaeden Reviews

There Are Monsters (2013)

Previews review got deleted by salty producer

[1/10 · 2 November 2022]

My previous review was deleted by the producer of this trash. So here we go again: Do not watch this garbage. Not scary at all. It is bad for multiple reasons.

1) shaky camera throughout the entire movie and random wild cuts every 40 seconds to another camera . This is so lame and completely takes away any potential atmosphere ( spoiler alert, even without this there is no spooky atmosphere at all ) 2) a jumpscare does create a horror movie 3) the story is bad 4) your actors are actually being themselves and not acting. Unfortunately, this makes a poor setup 5) again, random jumpscares do not make up for the lack or depth of any proper horror movie integrals.

6) The only positive ratings for this movie are from 12 year old tiktok users who have an attention span of 4 seconds.

The Day After (1983 TV Movie)

Should be seen by all politicians

[9/10 · 1 November 2022]

It is with great horror that we have dumb and imbecile people like Biden in power that threaten to use Nuclear weapons in Europe.

It seems that all politicians in power ( very few of them properly elected ) do not know what would happen if a nuclear bomb is used. Even if it is one. Modern bombs are 10 to 15 times more powerful than the one from Hiroshima.

The movie is epic and does a great job in showing a fraction of the evil that would happen if 1 bombs hits a city.

All politicians and the ones who are now at Oxford or Standford and soon will buy their way into office should watch this movie.

Effects are haunting. The layman actors are unbelievable good, the props and scenery are crazy good. Highly recommend it.

Kill Zone 2 (2015)

A great movie - recommend to watch it

[9/10 · 7 August 2022]

As always, a beautiful and heart warming story.

On top of that you get good action and nice stunts. Tony Yaa is a humble and fantastic actor. This movie is a must watch for martial arts fans and for Asia movie fans.

All actors are good. The story is beautiful and the action is strong and nice to watch.

I prefer the first Tony Yaa movies but this one goes right into my collection.

Bang!! Watch it!

Battlestar Galactica (2004–2009)

Terrible, truly unwatchable garbage - pretentious SciFi

[1/10 · 7 August 2022]

What in the seven hells of Mordor did I just watch? Who made this load of rubbish? Do not watch this. Seriously. Stay away from this. Buy or watch any other series but for the love of god do not watch this. Here is what is wrong with this series: The characters are truly dumb. They use advance technology , fly space ships but it takes 9 episodes to figure out they have an infiltrator on board? Aside from the captain and the maniac nobody is a good actor. It feels like licking sand. Dry and uncomfortable. The camera is shaking throughout the entire Season 1 . How can anyone with such a budget cant afford a proper camera operator!! It is annoying.

In addition to that the pretentious singing music that is supposed to make it more scary turns it into a teenage love drama. A cyborg alien fleet attack with teen anxiety humming music is not action, it is simply garbage.

The humans in this series are beyond stupid.

While some effects are decent the actual aliens are so shiny and artificial looking that it does not feel like a thread at all. More like a Wizard of Oz tinman who had too much sugar.

Furthermore, the series completely fails to connect the audience to the good guys. So when two of them die early on it is so irrelevant that I was hoping that Chaos Marines from Warhammer 40k would show up to kill the entire cast.

Geez... I am angry that I spent 20 bucks on the box. Do not watch this trash! Dang it , I am livid.

Mega Piranha (2010 TV Movie)

:D Glad it exists - fun to watch.

[8/10 · 8 July 2022]

If people rate this movie 1 star but then praise it in the review box they either do not understand how the scale works or they are jealous.

This movie is fun to watch because it is bad.

The animation and effects are stupendously funny. The cast is great. The story is obviously dumb but truly in line with any fun monster movie. So I do recommend this movie because it is bad , it will make you laugh and you will understand ( if you are smart ) how monster movies and low budget movies work. And you get a taste of Asylum.

They make terrible movies which are not good because they dont care. But this one is a true glorious poo fest. :) Watch it.

The Manor (I) (2021)

Slimy and long dog t*rd - not recommended

[1/10 · 8 July 2022]

A messy low effort movie with a predictable plot and terrible lighting on set. Seriously . The gaffer must have been high on goofballs.

It is not scary , at all. Really. No feeling of dread, nor a real threat , nor a spooky monster ( the 2 min at the end do not count ) and no spooky setting. Body count is so low it could be a PG 12 movie. Do not watch this lame garbage movie.

Golden Ninja Warrior (1986)

Yes, glorious fun. Adults playing ninja - nice

[7/10 · 1 July 2022]

Again , another solid delivery from Harrison. I will treasure my DVD collection full of his ninja movies. I wish the editing would be worse :) it would make it even funnier than it already is.

Oh boy. Cant really describe his messy movies. Just watch them. My favourite thing are the delayed sound effects. Guess Ninjas are faster than sound waves, huh?

Cobra vs. Ninja (1987)

:D love all his ninja movies - this is lolsoos

[6/10 · 1 July 2022]

All of Harrison's Ninja movies are a blast and I recommend them.

It is pure joy to again see two different movies spliced together randomly to shoe in a reason for grown ups in ninja costumes to have a fight . :) Love it. Sound effects and editing as well as poor quality make for a heck of a movie.

It should be watched and celebrated.

Stargate: The Ark of Truth (2008 Video)

:( Four stars because it is Stargate- otherwise 0

[4/10 · 1 July 2022]

Oh my. What a poo smear over the series and the other movies. I do not recommend this one and I am not happy what they turned the last movie into. :/ Ill just ignore it. At best it felt like a weak season 5 episode. At worst it felt like watching a youtube fan flick... sorry. This is not worthy of bearing the name stargate.

And for the love of Anubis... using replicators again?!?!?? Efff this , efff it hard.

Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007)

To infinity, into another dimension - more than a gate

[10/10 · 1 July 2022]

Best series of all times. Amazing worlds, lovely team and character development.

Exciting, nay, exhilarating science fiction and fantastic imaginative settings.

Sure, they recycle sets and even have double episodes BUT the entire series is such an experience. Buy it, watch it and deep dive into the world of Stargate. I love it as much as the original movie.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (2003)

Blessed are those who fling fists

[10/10 · 1 July 2022]

A wonderful and unique movie. In 2003 is was above anything done before and in 2022 it still holds up. A basic yet heart warming story, cool action , magnificent fighting and cool locations.

I will never forget the day in 2004 when I saw it.

Go watch it. Must see. Tony Jaa will be amongst all action legends.

Shark Lake (2015)

Being generous here because I love Dolph

[5/10 · 13 June 2022]

At first I wanted to rate it 2 stars but when I saw that Dolph is the producer I felt bad so I rate it 5. I love Dolph. Sadly he is not strong enough to make this movie good. It is okay but cant compete with some other glorious shark movies.

Watch if you like Dolph but skip it if you dont know him. It is not really entertaining.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

Scoring high on the Shark movie scale

[7/10 · 13 June 2022]

Hoa , hoa, hoa! What a blast! While being bad ( for reason that you will discover yourself rather quickly when watching ) it is a must watch movie. Much much better than any Asylum shark movie. Seriously. Close to the end the movie picks up speed and becomes amazing. :) It truly has memorable scenes that will go down in movie history. Go watch it!

Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)

And let the doo doo flow - no thanks

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

What on earth happened to this movie series?

Let me guess: we must sell more toys!

First one was a nice movie. 2nd and 3rd a stinking t*rd.

The jokes are not funny. Storyline is cliche as heck and action tries to outdo the first one and failing miserably. Rent or buy the first one. Two and three are trash. I much rather have the kids watch Tennis than this lame movie.

Paddington (2014)

Yay! :D Joy on all levels. A must see for the entire family.

[10/10 · 9 June 2022]

Such a charming movie. It has the right ratio of decent and proper jokes, paired with really cool animation and excellent voice acting.

Location and cinematography are fantastic.

For 5 year olds and older.

I watched it a couple of times and so should you. :) Boy oh boy, this bear will make your day.

The BFG (2016)

Yep. Go watch this heart warming film

[8/10 · 9 June 2022]

Great for children 9 and upwards. Love the movie. Highly recommend it. Beautiful scenes and animation. Touching. Great voice acting. Just nice. :) It manages to pull you in and you hardly notice the time flying by. Will rewatch it soon.

Cyborg (1989)

Will make you go number two, hard - Not recommended

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

JCVD is one of my favourite actors and action heroes. In this movie he is still great and gives as always 100 percent. Sadly the movie ( quality, story , cast and action ) is garbage. I know the movie faced production issues and footage went missing but I can not recommend it. Watch all his other movies but not this one.

Detonator (1993 TV Movie)

Uhmm... no. Uhmmm... heck no

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

The best way to watch this movie is on 3x times the speed. Otherwise you find yourself with a James Bons clone that has a severe case of constipation. Boooooooring. Cant recommend it. Watch Atomic Train instead. Holy cow , that is a better movie and has more bang in it.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Great joker, fun action but the rest is sucky sucky

[4/10 · 9 June 2022]

I understand the bad ratings here and echo most of the critique. Yet it is five times better than Dr Strange. Definitely. Joker is amazing. Wild scenes. Random cuts and funny one liners. For that I recommend it. If you are a comic neckbeard do not watch it as you will probably whine about it. If you want to kill 80 minutes and drink: have fun and watch. :) but expect a bit of sucky sucky. I dont mean the good type of sucky.

Doctor Strange (2016)

Comic book fans rave, movie buffs rage

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

Nah. While effects might be considered nice the overall movie is not good. CGI galore, little to no actual acting. Wild visuals and cuts that make one dizzy. If you are a power ranger fan that had too much sugar go watch it. If you value good movies and like cinema: Avoid it. Sure this here will get down votes from neckbeard comic fans. Stop whining. Watch some quality movies instead.

Hatchet (2006)

A good spook and good body count

[6/10 · 9 June 2022]

I do recommend it. It is nicely done with a decent cast and good production value.

It has a good atmosphere and a cool ending.

There is no need to compare it to classic hits so dont pay attention to the negative reviews.

Turn the lights off, watch it in the evening amd close the door. Enjoy the spooks ! :)

Hatchet III (2013)

Sigh.... the first one was good. The rest: noooo

[2/10 · 9 June 2022]

Okay, I know that producers once they smell money like to milk the cow but most of the time it does ruin the movie and overall trilogy.

This is also the case here. I do not recommend this. Not sorry. It feels rushed and half of the movie are a line to line copy of two other horror movies. In addition to that it is not spooky at all. Like zero , nada. While the first movie actually had great spook scenes this one here is just poo.

Skip it.

Hellborn (2003)

Neat idea but it was not done properly

[2/10 · 4 June 2022]

The end is good but the rest is trash. It could have been much spookier but the movie fails to be spooky. One actor is good ( not the lead sadly )the remaining are not great. To put it mildly.

I do not recommend it. Watch Hellraiser instead.

Arachnid (2001)

Uhmmm... making a monster movie boring is a sin

[2/10 · 4 June 2022]

I see some potential here but honestly I got bored immediately. They have some neat movie props and practical effects but I sadly cant recommend this movie. I was hoping for some wild and cheesy action but all I got was boredom. The final chase seem is more funny than spooky.

The scenery and location is awesome. Cast and storyline , not so much. I made it through by putting it on 2.5 playback speed.

If you watch it do the same.

By the way.... how do 13 people fit in one tiny plane? Ahaha hahahah hahah good lord what a logic error in this movie... lol.

Zombie Diaries 2 (2011)

Yuck, sick from shaky camera and sh***y quality

[2/10 · 4 June 2022]

Neat idea, extremely poorly executed. Having to see the entire movie through a handheld camera is a terrible idea.

While I can see some effort in the setting and locations the overall acting and delivery is bad.

If you like Zombie movies it is worth a watch but do not pay anything for this.

1 point for effort. How can you make a Zombie movie not entertaining? Geeez....