kadenschwertner Reviews

Lamb (2021)

Interesting Folk-Tale Horror

[6/10 · 16 November 2021]

Lamb presents a very unsettling and creepy atmosphere with a fairly subtle yet impactful reveal that I really enjoyed. The issue is that there really isn't much that happens for the rest of the film. This really reminded me of the VVitch, a great horror film from Robert Eggers. I gave it a 7/10. This film really just had me thinking about the VVitch the whole time. Both do succeed in a lot of ways, creepy atmosphere, fantastic acting, great cinematography, etc. However the VVitch worked where Lamb doesn't. The concrete action. I don't like to say that "nothing" happens in a film, because I've always really loved slow building horrors, (Hereditary, Midsommar, The VVitch). But this movie really didn't scare me at all because the ending was a payoff for essentially nothing. There was hardly any buildup at all the entire time, leaving me emotionally un-invested for the ending.

I thought this movie was pretty good and I'd recommend it. 6/10.

Hereditary (2018)

the most disturbing portrayal of evil ever crafted.

[8/10 · 27 October 2021]

Horror is my favorite genre. I didn't like films like the conjuring, insidious, saw, etc. Popcorn horror, if you will. Films that you watch with friends, they make you jump, laugh, and overall you have a fun experience with. But they didn't scare me. They didn't interest me. They weren't unique, original, or effective at leaving an impression on me. I'm not saying it's not okay to enjoy those films, I'm just saying that I didn't enjoy them. They were predictable, they made me laugh, and they never left me with anything to think about. That is what I look for in film. That is what film is supposed to be. In modern-day times, too many films are just pumped out as cash-grab, general audience comfort food. This is why people didn't like this film.

In a time period where people's definition of horror is something that makes you jump, startles you; and you take that expectation of a horror film and apply it to Hereditary, The VVitch, Midsommar, etc. You will be disappointed. This movie is far above jump scares. This film is "scary" in the way that most films wouldn't dare to be scary. This movie is scary in the way that it exploits real human experiences and shows you what family can do to you. That you don't have any control in your life. You might always be manipulated, blamed, and tricked without you even having the slightest idea of what is going on. This is what Hereditary is.

Why people don't like it: -No jump scares, doesn't fit their definition of horror in the way they want it to.

-"Nothing Happens" This is the kind of thing that immature people who don't have empathy for human emotions will say.

-It left them feeling sick/bad. This film is not fun to watch, it doesn't make you feel good in the way that the conjuring makes you feel good. People will easily mistake feeling disturbed as a sign that the movie was bad.

My Opinion: 9/10 This film ruined me. This is the only film that has brought me to a sweat since The Shining. The music, cinematography, acting, editing; created an extremely unsettling tone throughout, I was never relaxed, I was never comfortable. How could anyone be comfortable watching a family fall apart at the hands of a Satanic Cult? This movie pushed me to my limit. Similar to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, the story is continuously changing, remaining unpredictable all throughout. Both Ari and Alfred killed their main characters early on in their films, causing the story to take a dark turn. This is really a hit or miss, it either breaks you, or just isn't your thing. And that's okay if it isn't your thing!

Annabelle (I) (2014)

Anabored

[1/10 · 26 October 2021]

Unscary, Unoriginal, Unenthusiastic, Unbelievably Embarrassing, Watch Hereditary instead.

There is quite literally nothing unique or interesting about this movie. A dude with a whole lot of money was like "hey, remember that doll from the conjuring, yea well everyone thought she was "creepy" so let's make a movie out of her and take everyone's money again." Then a bunch of people said "whatever sure I guess I'll make this, then a bunch of teenagers said whatever I guess I'll go watch this. The worst of 2014 and one of the worst horror movies ever. This is genuinely embarrassing. But If you did enjoy it, let me ask you this. If I wasn't scared by it what else did it have to offer?

The Conjuring (2013)

Lot's of fun Scares, but nothing to take away

[5/10 · 19 August 2021]

Let me ask the same question I ask to all horror films, If I'm not scared by it, what else does it have to offer? And besides great performances from Vera and Pat, there isn't anything very interesting here. I do remember everyone that I was with laughing really hard though. I don't exactly mean this in a negative way, but at the end of the day, this is just another example of Popcorn Horror. You sit down with friends, watch the conjuring, jump at all the scares and laugh afterwards. That's it. There is nothing to take away from this film, nothing that makes it memorable, nothing that makes it truly scary. Just a bunch of loud noises, tension, and stupid characters. Nothing we haven't seen before.

Airplane! (1980)

Exotic, Bizarre, Hilarious

[5/10 · 25 July 2021]

This might be one of the greatest comedies of all time, the film is so unbelievably bizarre that it will likely leave viewers laughing only because they don't know how else to react.

Cats (2019)

From Start To Finish, A Cinematic Disaster

[1/10 · 12 July 2021]

I normally write long reviews. Not this time. What was that. Oh god. I feel like I just watched a bunch of furries get high and dry hump each other for 2 hours straight. This is easily the worst movie of the decade. I don't even understand how.

Get Out (I) (2017)

An Impressive Debut

[6/10 · 12 July 2021]

My opinion on this film is probably an unpopular one, "Get Out" is a bit overrated. Amazing acting, good cinematography, and a very intriguing story, right up until the end.

Here's my problem with this film, if you are going to have a disturbing story, make it disturbing all the way through. The happy ending is so silly, and takes away all the potential that this film had. Take Hereditary for example, a truly horrifying family drama trapped inside a disturbing possession ritual. That film stays true to its nature the whole time by having disturbing story, as well as a disturbing ending. Get Out does not do this, what is the point of having a disturbing story just to throw it all away in the end. If this film had a better ending, I would have rated it higher.

A good movie, just wasn't blown away.

The Ritual (I) (2017)

A truly scary movie that trips over itself in its final act

[6/10 · 12 July 2021]

This film was so successful because of how subtle it was, small movements in the trees, the sense of something stalking you, creepy totems and ritualistic symbols, I had high hopes for this film.

If I compared the ending to Hereditary, that film had a truly disturbing and terrifying end scene that we never saw coming. This film had the most basic and underwhelming ending that we all saw coming from a mile a away.

This is most definitely not a bad movie, but the other issue I have with it is that it uses very sharp and loud jump scare ques. What I mean is that the sound effect scares you more than what you are actually seeing.

It's a good watch, 6/10.

The Nun (2018)

A Horrible, Unoriginal, and hilarious film

[3/10 · 12 July 2021]

People don't understand that jump-scares do not make a film scary. And beyond an mostly creepy setting, this film has nothing else to offer. If all you care about is jumping out of your seat, enjoy.