matoolz2 Reviews

Last Stop on the Night Train (1975)

a "Last House" wannabe that falls short

[5/10 · 12 December 2002]

I am in the process of collecting all the "video nasties" and I picked this one up a week or so ago. I watched it today and was disappointed overall. When it was released in the US it was called "Last House on the Left 2" and is in fact the Italian version of "Last House" but is not nearly as visually brutal. It takes place on a train going from Germany to Italy during Christmas and other then that it tries to follow the "Last House" script almost to the letter. When I say that it is not visually as brutal as "Last House" I mean that there is more innuendo then actual gore. In fact there is virtually no gore in this film and unlike "Last House" there is no nudity. The two thugs are no where near as sadistic as David Hess and his gang were in "Last House" and even display remorse when they kill the first girl. It is definitely worth a watch but don`t expect much if you`re looking for something brutal and gory.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994)

Leatherface in drag....

[4/10 · 15 May 2002]

The tamest and the worst of the TCM series, which does`nt necessarily mean it was a bad movie. Overall, it was mediocre with a plot that was somewhat removed from the other films in the series but did borrow a lot from them as well. The acting was spotty throughout by Renee Zellweger as she seemed truly terrified one second and then delivered a very stale line the next. Matthew McConaughey is brilliant as the psychotic head of the deranged family. Leatherface is given somewhat of a facelift (no pun intended)and gets into drag late in the film. For anybody who is a fan of the series it`s worth watching but if you`ve never seen a TCM film, don`t start with this one.

Sunburst (1975)

NOT A HORROR MOVIE

[2/10 · 15 May 2002]

If you intend to purchase or rent this film be warned that even though it will be in the horror section and the title, box art and description on the box will lead you to belive it is a horror movie, IT IS NOT A HORROR MOVIE. The movie may be horrible, but it is not a horror movie. It is a very weak drama about a young couple who go out into the wilderness looking for a friend (a young Robert Englund) that lives there. They are seen skinny dipping by two backwoods idiots (one played by James Keach in an early role)who later return to rape the female. You are probably thinking that surely now there will be a terrible price to pay for these two redneck morons as the couple will wreak bloody revenge upon them. You would be wrong. The boyfriend goes for a walk the next day and runs into the two dummys bickering amongst themselves and he goes after them with a small tomahawk but no blood is shed and the rednecks run off and everybody lives happily ever after. This is a boring, slow moving, poorly written and poorly acted film. The soundtrack is as lame as the rest of the movie as most of the songs remind you of the latter days of the Brady Bunch. I could continue berating this movie but why beat a dead horse.

The Exterminator (1980)

A decent urban revenge movie...

[5/10 · 25 June 2001]

I saw this movie at the drive-in back when it first came out and it seemed a lot more violent then than it does now (I bought a copy of it and watched it today). Of course, that was 1980 and things have changed. The film is violent and the Exterminator (Ginty) does do away with the bad guys in some innovative and gruesome ways but most of it is left to your imagination and is not shown on screen. One thing about this film is that the editing is terrible. The scenes don`t flow into each other but instead seem to jerk onto the screen and the ending is to abrupt as if they just decided it was time to end it.Still the film is effective as a revenge movie and is worth a watch if you are into that type of movie.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

at least we got "The Bare Wench Project" out of it...

[1/10 · 22 June 2001]

People either love this movie and proclaim it as the scariest movie ever made or hate it, there is no in between. Personally, I thought it was a piece of garbage. I looked forward to seeing this movie for months (they did a great job of promoting this film, to bad they did`nt deliver) and went to see it 3 days after it opened. What a disappointment, I saw absolutely nothing in this turkey that was frightening in the least. Three students, making a documentary in the woods get lost and hear noises at night outside their tent at which point they take off running through the woods screaming (whoo...that`s really scary). I think the guy 2 rows behind me, at the theater, summed it up pretty well when he said, after the movie was over, "I thought this was supposed to be scary". If they were giving this movie away at my local video store, I would`nt touch it with a ten foot pole.

The Horrible Dr. Bones (2000)

The Horrible Dr. BORING is more like it.....

[1/10 · 19 June 2001]

This movie is worse then bad, it`s boring. The plot (and I use the term in the loosest sort of way here) consists of a DJ/promoter wanting to take over the world by combining a certain type of music with voodoo (need I go on?). To do this he auditions for a new young group with the right sound and offers them the world (no pun intended) to sign with him. The acting is horrible, the special effects are horrible and the plot is horrible....hey, what do you know, I guess it lives up to it`s name after all. My recommendation...if you see it on the shelves at your local rental place...give it a wide berth.

Kolobos (1999)

High Tech gorefest........

[14 June 2001]

A surprisingly good horror movie about 5 young people who answer a classified ad to come to an out of the way house and let themselves be filmed just interacting with each other. The house is boobie trapped with all sorts of high tech gizmos and what follows is a wonderfully inventive, well acted film. This one rates high on the gore-meter, when the killing starts. We get disembowlment, decapitation and acid showers among other things. I passed this movie up several times recently on cable and finally decided to rent it when I saw it at my local video store. I thought I was scraping the bottom of the barrel because I had seen everything else in the horror section. Just goes to show that sometimes the bottom of the barrel has a gem in it.....

Tourist Trap (1979)

A slasher movie with a twist.....

[4/10 · 14 June 2001]

This late 70`s slasher film is making it`s rounds on cable once again. Basically, it`s the run of the mill slasher formula with one exception, the killer does most of his killing via telekinesis (moving objects with his mind). It`s fairly tame for a slasher movie (rated PG) and there is very little blood and no nudity (even though it is teased at one point when the girls are swimming in a spring). I`d give a brief synopsis but I think you probably know the formula by now, a group of young people + an out of the way locale + a psycho killer = a slasher movie. On the plus side it does have some atmospheric moments and one scene where he plasters over a girls face while she`s strapped to a table that is pretty frightening...especially if you`re claustrophobic.

Eaten Alive (1976)

Good but not great followup for Tobe Hooper

[7/10 · 14 June 2001]

I bought this movie on DVD a few days ago and watched it for the first time. It has a definite "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" feel to it but lacks the finesse that made TCM a classic. A nut (Neville Brand) who owns a motel off the beaten track maims his various guests and then feeds them alive to his pet crocodile. My only major problem with the film was my inability to feel sorry for most of the victims because they were for the most part as loonie as the killer. Marilyn Burns (survivor from TCM) plays pretty much the same role in this one and Robert Englund plays a trouble making punk in an early role for him Overall, I enjoyed the movie and would recommend it to any horror fan.

WARNING: Keep your arms and legs in the boat at all times!!!!!

Beach Babes from Beyond (1993)

Beach Blanket Bingo this ain`t....

[8/10 · 11 June 2001]

I`ve seen this movie twice, both times on Cinemax. The first time in it`s unrated version which is soft-core porn at it`s best and the second time in a trimmed down (cut all the sex and most of the nudity out) version which was entertaining in a typical beach movie sort of way. The unrated version has a tremendous sex scene with Nikki Fritz, a dude and a bottle of oil which is out of this world (no pun intended). Unfortunately, in the trimmed version that scene is almost completely chopped out, as are all the other sex scenes. Rated or unrated it is still fun to watch all the siblings of bigger stars (Stallone, Sheen, Travolta, etc;) trying to act. We also get appearances by B-queen Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward (Robin from the old Batman series).

Black Scorpion (1995 TV Movie)

A campy Batmanesque funfest

[8 June 2001]

I was pleasantly surprised when I watched this movie. I rented it with no idea what it was about and really was`nt expecting much. Joan Severance plays a detective who after her father is murdered and she is kicked off the force dons a costume and becomes the Black Scorpion, the protector of the City of Angels. Sounds very Batman, right? Well, it is and it gets even more so as the movie goes by. She has her Batmobile, a red corvette that has been equipped with all sorts of gadgets including the ability to re-form its molecules to change color and model. The villain is the Breathtaker who runs an organization called B.R.E.A.T.H...watch the movie to find out his origin and why he turned to crime. I admit that it`s campy and it`s hokey but if nothing else you get to see Joan nekkid....now that`s something you won`t see in a Batman movie...at least not up to this point.

Leprechaun (1992)

Where`s me pot of gold...you won`t find it here

[8 June 2001]

The first and the tamest of the Leprechaun series. How this movie has spawned 4 sequels, to this point, is way beyond comprehension. The movie itself is anything but scary and leans toward the cutesy side with Warwick Davis as the wisecracking Leprechaun who wants his gold back and will kill anybody who gets in his way. The gore rating is virtually non-existent as all the killings are fairly bloodless. Jennifer Anniston makes an early pre-"Friends" appearance as the reluctant heroine. Overall, worth a look but 4 sequels?....c`mon.

Lighthouse (1999)

nothing original but thrilling nontheless...

[6/10 · 11 May 2001]

I bought this movie at my local video store the other day for the whooping sum of 94 cents. I figured I could`nt lose. About 10 minutes in I was thinking that I had thrown away 94 cents and was about to eject it from the VCR and throw it in the trash. However, it began to show some promise in the thrills and suspense area so I continued to watch and ended up very pleased to add this film to my collection. Even though there is nothing original about this movie (psycho killer stalks people on an island with large knife) it is well made and well acted by a cast of unknowns. At times the suspense is riveting. I would recommend this movie for at least a one time watch.

Lust for Frankenstein (1998 Video)

This Frankenstein monster should have never been created

[1/10 · 7 May 2001]

This film (and I use the term in the loosest way possible) is a piece of garbage from start to merciful ending. It is bad in every way that a film can be bad. It is poorly shot, the sound quality is poor (you can barely make out what most of the actors are saying) and the plot is made up as it goes along. I would`nt even recommend this piece of trash to Michelle Bauer fans. Even people who enjoy watching BAD movies would be hard pressed to get any kind of enjoyment out of this film. Don`t wast your time.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

One of my favorite Christmas movies

[7/10 · 1 February 2001]

I saw this movie in 1964 when I was 8 years old and I loved it. I next saw it a few years ago when the Sci-Fi channel aired it around Christmas and I still loved it but for different reasons. As a child during the 60`s this movie contained all the things a kid could want in a movie...Martians, rocket ships and Santa Claus to boot. As an adult it is hokey, poorly made and silly....but it brings back memories of the days that we were amazed by.....Martians, rocket ships and Santa Claus. I taped it when the Sci-Fi channel aired it and I show it every year at our Christmas party...even though I hear nothing but complaints from our party guests I still am transported back to that time when we were amazed by.......well you know.

The Demon (1981)

What a disjointed, sloppy mess...

[1/10 · 29 January 2001]

I recently saw this movie in a video store, for sale, on DVD (for only $5.99). Thank God, I did`nt buy it. I ended up renting it, for a buck, a week later and wished I had`nt done that either.

The first part of the movie deals with a man, the "Demon", abducting a 14 year old girl and murdering her. When the parents can`t find her (dead or alive) they enlist the services of an ex-marine colonel with ESP no less (Cameron Mitchell).

Mitchell`s overacting aside the movie has some flow at this point but not for long. It quickly becomes a disjointed mess as it jumps completely away from it`s beginning plot.

I kept getting the sense that they started a movie and after getting so far into it they decided the plot was`nt working so they scrapped their original idea and went for something else but left in the footage they had already shot.

After breaking away from the Esp aspect (plot) the movie jumps from one plot to another until they decide to mercifully end the movie as well as the watchers misery.

The Spring (1990)

This spring is a cesspool

[17 January 2001]

If you`re into slow moving, dull, action movies then this one is right up your alley. Dack Rambo as the leading man of this turkey should clue you in pretty quickly. The acting is poor at best as this Indiana Jones wannabe plods along to its conclusion. Don`t waste your time.

In the Cold of the Night (1990)

Run screaming into the night is more like it

[3/10 · 17 January 2001]

This was in the horror section of my local rental establishment, so since I`d already seen everything else in this limited section I fell into the trap and rented this bomb. The acting was the only thing about this movie that was horrible. One of the major problems is that this movie can`t decide what genre it belongs in, so it tries to be almost all of them at once (sci-fi, thriller, drama, etc). But, if you are looking for a good horror movie this is not it.