MustacheUmbrella Reviews

Saved by the Bell (1989–1992)

Funny then, Cringeworthy now

[3 November 2008]

Saved by the bell defines our childhood in the most perfect way imaginable. When you are a kid, you want to be an adult. When you are an adult you want to be a kid again. This stupid, silly, cliché show that we see today is a show we once loved when we were kids. Why? Because we were kids. Who knows why we liked it. Maybe it was an escape from our homework, essays, tests, etc. The sitcom Saved by the bell proves nothing is what is seems. Here's an example. Look in the basement and you might find a video tape recorder of yourself taping the most epic, most coolest thing imaginable, (you know, back then when they haven't dropped yet) You may find yourself thinking "Wow, I remember this sketch, it was the best comedy piece I ever put together with a group of friends when I was a kid." Until you hit the play button, and then all hell breaks lose. At first, as you're playing the tape you smile, but then seconds later that smile is replaced with horror, like that time you forgot to take your Imodium AD. And you're thinking "HOW THE **** DID I POSSIBLY THINK THIS WAS COOL?!" That's the kind of the reaction you will get when watching this sitcom for the first time in ten years. Now, there's no need to go over the premises, who the characters are and what the show is about because just about every living, breathing human being growing up in the 90's saw this show.

Would I watch this show again and enjoy it? No. Of course not. Is it unintentionally funny? Yes. Saved by the Bell will not destroy any brain cells, and it most certainly isn't anything better than what we see on the Disney Channel nowadays. We all get nostalgic and we assume that the "old" cheesy sitcoms like these were "BETTER" but their not. This TV show is and will always be a part of your American childhood culture, and it will make you realize your life as a child was not as great as you once thought.

Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)

The anticipated entourage prevented me from hanging myself

[4/10 · 28 March 2006]

I was saved thanks to the movie trailer and perhaps Larry's none experience in acting, so I knew what I was getting into, which is why it sparked an interest in seeing this flick. It's kinda like when a mudslide is about to hit a million dollar mansion. And he's your boss too, and he treats you real bad, there's just absolutely no way you're going to turn your back or ignore that mansion falling to pieces. You want to be a part of that chaos!

Larry the Cable Guy by no means is an actor or claims to be one unlike Ben Affleck or David Arquette, so there I give him credit. We are introduced in the beginning of all his horrific imperfections, Larry the Cable Guy: Heath inspector is not a movie about him trying to hold two jobs as many of you think. No, instead he is only a health inspector and checks to make sure no restaurants are violating any hygiene codes. This movie is your basic lowbrow humor filled with none stop situational visual comedy but in it's the lowest form, along with poking fun at the mentally impaired. It doesn't get any better when in about 15-20 minutes it turns into this "dynamic duo" which we have all seen millions of times before. "Rush Hour" "Bringing down the House" "Taxi" the list goes on...So now the premises is the character "Amy" uptight and perfectionist meets up with..you get the idea. Included in this film are isolated gags of fart jokes, vomit, butt crack and bad bathroom humor, which is cool, but once is enough! For a second, I thought this was headed in a semi-right direction when perhaps....Amy teaches Larry how to be more productive and visa versa? No. Instead just a one dimensional plot, but hey at least there's a plot, right? No? It's that hopeless huh? Well, it was a plot even though it was tiny. If you are thinking about taking children to see this, don't. Don't expose your child to filth please, but go ahead and enjoy it on your own. Too much Larry for me, Cable Guy is alright in moderation, but man this was near lethal overdose. And of course he only wanted to distribute his stand up act all throughout the movie. But at least he showers. Anyway, it could have been worse..Like chasing a Kangaroo for 2 hours cause he has your money. Why did I see this?, God only knows.

3.6/10

The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)

"Marcia , Marcia , Marcia"

[28 December 2002]

Okay , let's cut to the chase and determine why this movie did so well and the entertainment industry , and cable company gave it three out of four stars: It wasn't because the movie was beautiful or heart warming. NO! Don't think for a second that was it , cause it's not , okay? It's still as annoying as it ever was. That's not gonna change. But It's simple really , I mean when I saw that film. It had "Brady Bunch" all over it! You know , sometimes they make movies off of t.v shows "Rugrats , Southpark , Bevis and Butthead , The Flinstones, the characters might be the same , but the plot similarities are as distinct as girls going out on a date with Brad Pitt , and then another one going out with Mr. Bean. You are defiantly able to tell the difference. (I sure hope so) and you get reviews like "This movie is nothing like that t.v show! It sucked!!" Well , not to praise the The Brady Bunch Movie anymore than I already have, but this has the exact same sappy jokes or situational comedy that we've all grown to know and hate. "Marcia , Marcia , Marcia" "Oww , my nose!" The pitfall "come on , you've been in that bathroom for ages" (You would think that 20 years later they would build a new bathroom!!) The voice overs , The songs, It all fits in perfectly! Now here we have the Brady Bunch still dressed up form the 70's and their infamous catch-phrases. "He is SO dreamy" That's like having Elton John trying to fit in with the world , that's EXACTLY what makes this film entertaining. Everyone else lives in the 90's while the Brady's fit into a 70's time slot , and are able to capture a realism in the movie. The fact that they used their episodes and somehow were able to fit them into a plot to form a 2 hour movie is uncanny. And the timing is impeccable. They didn't just randomly insert the jokes into the plot line like they did with Austin Power's Goldmember. (No offense to Austin Power's fans , but come on) If you noticed , they pretty much poked fun of everything you can think of. Their style , culture , society , music , catch-phrases , affection , behavior , other sucked it dry like Anna Nicole sucks the cream out of a twinkie without breaking the crust. In other words , they beat the living #### out themselves. And for all that it's worth , I think after seeing ALL THAT ,you do have to feel sorry for them , and pity them for what they made in the 70's. I'm sure now that it's too late the producers said "What were we thinking?" I thought that I wasn't going to like the movie since I never liked the Brady Bunch , but I was wrong , I was in for a good surprise , I often found myself "mocking" the jokes from the Brady Bunch Movie with a few other friends. So it fun times. I never thought making fun of the Brady Bunch would be so much , well , fun. (I guess that's where "fun" comes from) If you're a Brady Bunch fanatic , the three of you reading this review tonight , I recommend you watch it , if you haven't already , which I doubt. And those of you who HATE the Brady Bunch , can't stand it , just watch and be amazed on how Hollywood put it all together. (it was Hollywood , right?)

***/**** stars myself!

And IMDB reviewers , take it EASY!

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

Umm.....okay.

[5/10 · 30 January 2002]

I'm still here scratching my head , and puzzled here , trying to figure out what the hell was the movie about? And why I had such a hard time laughing? I can even go as to say that some of the scenes were quite frightening , and It wasn't a scare that let you "bone chilling." That would of actually of been quite good. But it was a more of a child saying , "Mom , I'm scared"

This movie had nothing , no plot , no storyline , and dried up milk comedy.

I don't know , I honestly can't give much credit to a movie such as "Kung Pow Enter The Fist".

If this were a high school script , I would of found it quite brilliant. But the fact of the matter is , this isn't High School. And even if it were high school , I would give them a B+.

Weren't producers and directors made so they could think a little more?

*/****

Frequency (2000)

The best SCI-FI Movie"I've"ever seen.

[22 January 2002]

Close Encounters comes second in the Sic-Fi department. So , now what , it drops to second place on my top ten video library?

Well not to worry , I'm sure FREQUENCY is not the BEST Sci-fi movie ever made , but MAN did I like that movie. The movie seemed to have a well developed plot. A zenith of entertainment. The adrenaline was rushed to my veins and to my brain. A rushed heart pounding experience and at the same time an eerie feeling I've never felt before.

But what made this movie so great?

*******Spoilers ahead STOP when red lights flash*******

I really enjoyed when the aurora borealis was tied to time travel. The conspicuous event extremely grabs the audience's attention for what was next to come. It was never predictable. Even though I knew that his dad would be fine , I was interested to find out how! Great pieces of history and the background old time music gave me a "feel" that I was in the 60's. (before my time) I kept me on my feet as to what would happen next. Very very entertainment. "It is the 7th game of the world series and the game is tied. " There were a lot of special effects that played a mayor role when developing a sci-fi movie , and every piece of it fit the puzzle.

The way John Sullivan's dad made a connection with his son made for some amazing chemistry that really hit the spot! Not only communications , but also reality. This movie shows the reality on how even without physical contact the future can be changed. Unlike "Back to the future"where people made human contact this movie. Best of all this movie was so UNIQUE to other Science fiction motion pictures.

The ending was heart warming , and I'm a guy and I won't be shy to tell you I , yes "cried" when his father came home as John shouted "Dad" ----and the northern lights disappeared..... ***1/2 out of **** stars!

But I subtracted half a star on the movie for a few minor errors. Not sure if I should call them errors , but if someone were to predict what would happen in the future , especially with sport events , wouldn't that interest anyone for a financial wealth being. Wouldn't some actions of gambling be involved?

Traffic (2000)

Four Stars

[9/10 · 21 March 2001]

Based on a true story, the most I liked about this film was that it was one of the most realistic films I have ever seen! There is something special to this movie that should not be missed by anyone and of course it's reality. You watch action films and you say to yourself, Hmmmm? I wonder how this was done and then you look at the behind-the -scenes look. With this film there is no behind-the-scenes special effects because it's so real. It seems we walk across an action film and always ends up Fictitious Sci-Fi etc.

The plot was a little complex but if you really listen to the movie it should help you understand the movie better. Each piece of event was very important a little hard to follow ,but you should be able to grasp the concept later in the movie. And to anyone who didn't like the movie I find it hard to believe. The whole plot was perfect, so original and yes deserves an award for outstanding picture. I'd be disappointed if this movie doesn't win something. ****/**** stars

Jack (1996)

Creepy

[7 March 2001]

Who comes up with these creepy movies , and how do they make it into the theaters I just don't know. I especially don't agree with a ten year old trapped in a 40 year old body! Almost insulting. Jack is to be one of those movies that appear to be a little off. Don't you think? Stuart Little is also one of those creepy movies but hey it sure beats Jack. To this *1/2/**** stars.

Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? (2000 TV Special)

It made headlines!

[2 March 2001]

Although this was probably a big mistake for fox and , although this was never to be broadcast again believe it or not this show changed American viewers. Everyone was talking about the Rockwell & Darva Conger scandal it made headlines and well the show was never good but a least it made headlines what can I say. Everyone probobly forgot about this months go.( I know I'm a little late)

Greed: The Series (1999–2000)

It's Gone!

[11 February 2001]

Winning lines, Twenty-one , Hollywood Showdown , Mall Masters are wan-a-be "Who wants to be a Millionaire game shows. Okay Greed also was a rip off but the show was good enough to stay. I liked the eliminator. I heard all about the hate mail received and the letters were awful. Roomers that the show was a fraud and no money was given. That was not true. That caused the ratings to drop and then eventually got pulled off the air for good. Somebody did something. Everyone I talked to found some interest in the show. One thing that did bother me was that they played it at the same time millionaire was on. Even on the same day "Thursdays at the time. But the show is gone now and they cant bring it back. Too bad. I was looking forward to it this year.

Malcolm in the Middle (2000–2006)

Fox did it again

[11 February 2001]

Malcolm in the Middle will be a show that will not be forgotten by our Fox viewers. Like Married with Children and Rossane "before the problem."

Unlike those other comedy shows. Malcolm is more of a touch base show. Even if the family is out of line the show is more realistic than ever. Why? because we all have problems. Yes other shows show their problems but at the very end 100% of their problems are resolved on other tv shows. That is not real life ,. There is always something that cannot be solved or fixed,and this show is a prime example. I love this show because nobody is perfect and watching the show makes you say "yes" and feel good. The show although good will not last too long. Unlike The Simpsons, the kids will grow up and that will be it! Home Improvement lasted forever because the comedy revolved around "Tim" With Malcolm the comedy revolves around the kids and once they grow up the ratings will drop.

3 1/2 out of four stars

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

I still think these movies are... you know

[10 February 2001]

Remember the time they said on t.v There is a big storm coming brace yourself for this. There is heavy rain , strong gusty winds up to hurricane force ,and high tides headed your way. Hang on tight folks its a big one. You wake up the next morning only to see the sun out shining and then later in the afternoon the rain and winds come but are very light and the rain ends quickly. You say to yourself "What happend!" Here I go spending some money to protect my home and nothing happends. I was better off without doing any protection. I was expecting a much better movie. The scary part came but was too short and dull. */**** stars ,a blow!

Pleasantville (1998)

"For every season turn ,turn ,turn"

[9/10 · 9 February 2001]

This movie should have won first prize at the box office. Remember this movie, and once seen through the eyes of an average intelligent human being, you wont forget how there is hope for the American culture "A gentle comedy yet also a drama. I must say that this movie will enhance the audience and will open people up if they are willing to take the time and go deep into the valley of their mind. Pleasantville will change you, I am not joking!

The movie makes an entrance at poking fun of those old sitcoms as spoofs like "Leave it to beaver" "Father Knows Best" The Andy Griffith, "Dick Van Dyke" but ends up becoming one perfect political satire statement.

This is a follow up of the book "Fahrenheit 451" as well as "The Truman Show" but with a different twist. All the people in Pleasantville, as well as us (The audience member) , are though how we must live through change! At first, pleasantville is seen as this quiet little "perfect" simple minded community, where "Everything is good with the world" but then we learn that even though everyone is happy in Pleasantville, inside they are actually miserable. And we all learn quick that the only disturbance in Pleasantville is cats getting stuck in trees! There are no opportunities in Pleasantville, without this, progression cease to exist, without progression, there are no challenges, without challenges, there are no problems. No problems, no in dependency = no means to live. So really the people are dead in Pleasantville and live in this very boring circle where they do the same things over and over again. Really, they're living a quiet communism.

But David and Jennifer (the characters who were zapped into their TV sets who end up in Pleasantville ) unknowingly are about to change this world for the better. They share to the world of Pleasantville their culture from the 1990's, and from there progression took place. People then had sex for the first time, basketball shots were missed, the ended up losing their first basketball game ever, and it later brought a bit of color to the town and opportunity. Yes, riots broke out, but they then learned how to defend themselves. So therefore, this movie was also about being afraid of change and how to deal and become accustom to it.

We now assume to live in a very fast paced world, filled with rudeness, independently and danger. We assume that the "Old days" were "BETTER" But they are not. Learn that something just wasn't right. Somehow there is an attachment and we learn from the townspeople of Pleasantville of how to be a little more modest and polite, and the pleasantville residents learn to be a little more assertive and independent. Let our boundaries expand!

9.2/10 A-

San Francisco (1936)

One for the box office

[22 January 2001]

I can go on and on about this film, but I wont because there is nothing more to say than the movie other than one of the best classic movies for the box office a true *********1/2 /********** stars. A classic masterpiece a great movie like The Good Earth , King Kong , Casablanca , Gone With The Wind , The Swan , Angels with Dirty Faces , and many more I can go on with the list but I wont need to If you like your classics!

Lucky Numbers (2000)

1988 Heat Wave What Heatwave

[29 October 2000]

Let me just start by saying that I looked at all the almanacs and there was no heat wave in 1988 at least that what I see so far. Why does this movie take place in 1988!!I have a friend he's a meteorologist and he said there was no heat wave. And why would a meteorologist lie. It makes no sense I tell you. As far as the movie goes it was awful not only was it awful but the fact that it took place in 1988 is just more depressing because nobody likes to go to a movie and pay money to see something that took place back then unless it is a flashback. It was a very slow moving plot that not only that but also cold and pointless. As far as the comedy I was shocked as to say: What happened to John Travolta ? This is the lowest point of Travolta I've ever seen. The Movie is about a C- or *1/2/***** stars