Dickshark (2016) User Reviews

Dickshark: I struggle to know what to say

[Platypuschow · 1/10 · 19 August 2023]

Plot

A romantic couple get more than they expected after the husband's experiments with penis-enlargement cream go awry. Wait, this is not a porn story. Rather, it is an absurd science-fiction movie that features a curious new species, the Dickshark. In some ways this story asks the same questions that Mary Shelly did when she wrote "Frankenstein.

Cast

Not being my general type of thing I was unfamiliar with anyone except Erin Brown who is better known as her erotic movie alter ego Misty Mundae.

Verdict

Dickshark was a recommendation otherwise I'd not have likely watched it even for the novelty factor. When I looked on IMDB I facepalmed at the cover art and scratched my head at the runtime, how could this be three hours in length?

Within moments I saw what type of film this was and I use the term film very loosely. Each scene features the same formula, a guy and a girl and for often unexplained reasons she's naked, topless or in her underwear. The banter between them is juvenile, the acting non-existent and then we'll have some involvement with the "Dick Shark" and it makes Scyfy movies look like they're on 200 million budgets.

To be clear there really is no plot here, it's just three hours.....yep it really is three hours....of T&A. Girl jiggles boobs, man makes bad jokes.

The novelty element could have made for a short film but not a feature and certainly not something of this length.

Outside of teen boys I don't see who'd like this and I honestly question if they would either.

Rants

I don't get it, what were they thinking when they made this? Was it a lost bet? Was it a dare? I struggle to believe anyone actually thought this was a good idea. It's like troma mixed with softcore porn but without much sex, I'm really lost for words and blown away that this exists and this is coming from a guy who watches a LOT of weird indie flicks.

Breakdown

Constant close up female genital shots were unnecessary No plot Awful acting Cast have no place in front of the camera Everyone involved should be embarassed.

Torture

[troma_freek · 2/10 · 9 March 2018]

It's pretty much just porn, except more talky and pretentious than regular porn. Despite the fun title and premise there is nothing to see here folks. Bill Zebub used to make entertaining movies but has apparently given up trying all together. Actors are either standing around talking about random stuff or they having sex. The only fragments of a script that exist involves some guy applying some cream to his genitalia and and shaping it into a shark.

A movie that looks like an adult film, but with a catch:

[Maz-hell · 1/10 · 2 June 2021]

You can't do the usual to it. First of all: It is 2 and a half hours long of absolutely nothing happening, because calling the pacing glacial or frozen would be very, very generous. The pacing and the story makes Pass thru seem coherent and fast paced. The movie even has the audacity of not having an ending: It just goes black with nothing solved and the credits roll. The movie could have been probably an hour long by being extremely generous, but no: The closeups of slo-mo focusing in anatomical tidbits of the femenine kind are really important: There are at least 6 of different women in the first hour of the film treated tos uch treatment. In fact, the nudity is so abysmally treated that you will be completely insensitivized to it after the first 10 minutes of the film and you will find it torturous. The dialog is extremely awful, even by adult film standards. I am not even talking about the extreme aberration that the film calls "soundtrack", because apparently that is the reason of the slo-mo abundance that would make the transformers franchise blush and ask you to take it easy: The slo-mo apparently works as a way to fit what could have been a 20 seconds or less scene into a 4 or 5 minutes musical short of bad closeups of the naked girl in turn that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. This is made even more insulting at the end of the film, when instead of the usual array of boring credits the movie decides to spend saying the groups that made each "song" and gives a lot of sites and addresses where to get and buy it (By the way, this is why the credits take over 15 minutes!) The acting is extremely abysmal, even if you go by the lowest standard. For a film that constantly goes "Do not learn science from movies, internet or TV" the dumbed to the lowest denominator dialog (all 5 minutes ofi t) is as smart as a broken brick. Boring to tears. Watching a blank wall for 2 and a half hours would actually be funnier, more entertaining and with better pacing. Do not waste your time. Get bitten by a shark: It will hurt less.

I want to die

[jordangallo-71914 · 2 February 2020]

This entire movie is in slow motion, and it's TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.

I wanted to die after 5 minutes.

You're joking right?

[kosmasp · 2/10 · 16 October 2021]

The best thing about this movie ... well is the poster and maybe the tag line. It's actually a shame, because there are things here that you could find funny - if you are in the right mood. Like the director making fun of himself and the nudity this contains and the "erotic movie" genre (with or without horror elements) ... I would not call it acting what you see - but there are some hidden gems in some of the dialog scenes.

The real issue is the other stuff. Well at least for me. I reckon if you are into Heavy Metal you can at least enjoy the music/soundtrack to a degree. That the effects would not have any kind of standard ... I expected that. I can only assume that another reviewer is trolling who praises this ... or anything at all. Also I "only" watched the 2.5 hourse cut and am surprised to read there is an even longer cut here ... I will not watch that under any circumstances ... I'd advice you to save time too.

It is exactly as bad as you would think...

[paul_haakonsen · 1/10 · 3 November 2022]

Right, well with a movie titled "Dickshark", then I have to say that I had absolutely zero expectations for this 2016 movie. I happened to stumble upon it by random chance, and opted to give the movie a chance, on the chance of it being a bizarre comedy.

I was wrong. Boy, how I was wrong. This movie is atrocious. It wasn't a comedy at all. This was a lewd low budget sleaze-fest of an adult movie. Yeah, nothing worthwhile to sit down here for. In fact, do yourself a favor and stay well clear of this dumpster fire of a movie from writer and director Bill Zebub.

The storyline in "Dickshark" was laughable, non-existing and just downright stupid. But then again, does sleazy movies really need a storyline? Well, it does if you were expecting it to be something quite different than what it turned out to be.

The acting performances in this movie, and I use the word "movie" with a grain of salt here, was amateurish, sluggish, wooden, rigid and not really worth watching. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single performer on the cast list here, nor were I inspired to rush out to acquire other movies of anyone on the cast list here.

The special effects were non-existing. So don't get your hopes up.

Bad production, bad acting, bad writing and bad cinematography hardly constitutes a proper movie.

My rating of "Dickshark" from writer and director Bill Zebub lands on a one out of ten stars. This is definitely one of the worst movies I have stumbled upon in a long, long time.

Well. Its a film called and about Dickshark.

[NickGagnon942 · 3/10 · 5 March 2022]

Low budget filmmaker Bill Zebub made this really bizarre, dirty and just flat out crazy film about a guy who uses a genital growth lotion and turns his penis to a shark. It would be a crazy fun film it id didnt have a run time of 2hr. 29 min. Seriously its 2 and a half hours. Anyway its cool to see Erin Brown again. Haven't seen her in a while.

Frankenshark

[Ms_Carter · 1/10 · 10 November 2023]

Let's just call this movie what is and that's porn And not very good porn at that I might add I kinda of expected you might get one partially nude shot and some cutaway sex scenes I guess I was thinking along the lines of dumb fun Like some of the Amityville movies that have gone public domain or other movies along that line This is the first time in a long time I shut off a movie after 10 minutes and that's not something I normally do I will usually sit through a movie no matter how much I dislike it

I'm not sure what I expected But this wasn't it If I wanted to see this kinda movie I'd go to Pornhub instead and probably have a much better time.

Goes nowhere and does not hold up

[Floated2 · 2/10 · 5 June 2023]

Apparently there are different versions of this film as there seem to be versions which differ in length. Several sites/reviewers have pointed out that they watched a version which is about 2 hours 30 minutes. However the version having watched was slight over 1 hour 34 minutes.

As expected this film isn't great but expected something more creative and more over the top given its title. Its clear Bill Zebub isn't exactly trying as these films don't seem too take long to make. "Dickshark" is essentially an low budget adult film of sorts disguised as an artistic indie.

The acting is stale, the comedy isn't funny and the sharks are entirely too fake looking. Based on the plot synopsis before watching, we knew it isn't to be taken serious. Also does not much make sense, as are we to believe the little "shark" in the opening scene is the same one that appears throughout the film and in the end?

Similar to Holocaust Cannibal, this features most of the women appearing nude with silly nonsense dialogue, background music and slow motion fights.

Bill Zebub does it again!

[dbs630-697-952794 · 10/10 · 7 October 2017]

There's no other way about it. You either love Bill's movies or you loathe them. I have had a soft spot for Bill's filmmaking style since I first saw one of his movies. It's not that they're bad because he doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing. The best part of Bill's movies is his dialogue and awkward interactions with his actresses. He's comic gold. He knows what his viewers want and isn't afraid to give it to them. From the moment the dude pops his head out of the bathroom door and says his dick is "like clay" and calmly goes about "sculpting" it on the instructions of his girlfriend it's begun. NO man would be that calm about his dick being "clay-like"! It's too much! But I love it. Only a mind as obviously sharp as Bill Zebub's could imagine such an abomination. Just watch it because you like sarcasm and naked girls and you'll be in for a treat. Watch it and expect a masterpiece and you'll want to call a shrink after. Love it, hate it but just don't take it... seriously.

I have no clue what this abomination is about.

[st-86309 · 5 May 2017]

Dickshark, despite what the director (Bill Zebub) said in his Q/A with fans said, this movie is very clearly a porno. I have no idea what this movie is about. The only parts of the plot that I remember is a guy putting some cream on his d*ck and it becoming a shark, which is later shot off, and about a 10 minute segment where a half-naked woman discusses peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches with some fat person in a forest. I can also remember the ending involving a shark with a dick awkwardly poking at a woman's vagina. Do not watch this movie, unless you like bad porn. It WILL give you nightmares. To be honest I skipped about three fourths of the movie, and even though it was absolutely ridiculous, I didn't laugh once. Just stared in horror.

This is only for science

[nogodnomasters · 8/10 · 15 October 2017]

Just when you thought it was safe to enter the water....

A man creates an enhancement cream with shark results. The titled shark becomes severed and freed. The shark is attracted to the scent of a woman and is growing larger.

This is made by the same group who did, "Nightmare on Elmo Street" i.e. if you liked one you will like the other. The style is the same, naked women having sex with a puppet interrupted by long boring conversations. This time the dialogue was worse than their previous film as they whined about things like standardized school tests. This is listed as science fiction with a claim it is not porn. It is more porn than science fiction with 9 girls with full frontal close up nudity, including Misty Mundae this time. (She took a pass on nudity in Nightmare...) Guys got facial close-ups while women got torso close-ups.

8 stars for the nudity (Misty Mundae as Erin Brown, Sheri Medulla, Rachel Crow, Scarlett Storm, Lydia Lael, Kathy Rice, Chrissy Lynn, Andrea Hall, Sarah Hunt....Bikini only-Kayla Browne, Barbir Kish) Guide: F-word, sex, and nudity Oh yea, women raped by sharks

There's a vision with a certain charm, but ......

[aapple2001 · 9 March 2021]

I have mixed impressions about this title.

Production is cheap. Lighting and cinematography are dreadful. The pace is glacial, the editing frustrating, and why oh why so much slo-mo?

There's a lot of female nudity, and all the actors are obviously there for the love of it because no-one is taking themselves, the nudity or the film too seriously. They can't even suppress their mirth at times. I can forgive the cheap props, gratuitous boob shots and micro-budget film-making because the ideas expressed are quite high-brow.

Others are complaining about the dialogue. It initially comes across as silly stuff, what seems to be many ad libs, off on tangents and probably a lot was shot in one take. There are gaps in the dialogue, the actors break eyeline, look at the camera or over to where I suspect the script is available to be read off camera. The script is at times frustrating and could have been shot and edited much, much better.

But the thing that surprised me within the eccentric dialogue are the observations and commentary on modern society, such as myths and clichés accepted as fact, the poor discipline in modern education and then, importantly, the call-back to a classic by Mary Shelley.

**Ding!** Dick is a modern Victor Frankenstein, destroyed by his own power and one of his own creations. The dialogue up to that moment has reflected Shelley's themes on the uneducated and the use of knowledge for good or evil. Does Dick even consider science for good or bad, or is the pursuit of science its own reward, as well as an excuse for fondling breasts?

High brow conversation and low brow visuals.

Is this porn? No, female nudity is not porn, besides which there are no male actor's bits seen on the screen. "Dickshark" is a direct descendant of the monster-nudie and nudie-cuties of the 60's. Remember Francis Ford Coppola's first couple of movies - "The Bellboy and the Playgirls" and "Tonight for Sure"? Who could foresee "The Godfather" series or "Apocalypse Now" from those nudie-cutie origins?

I make note of a few minutes dedicated to music credits at the end. I respect Bill Zebub's effort here of one artist promoting other collaborating artists. But Bill, if you read this, please get a fresh pair of eyes to check your spelling before delivering the final product. Mistakes abound!

In summary, if you can endure the glacial pace and many shortcomings in the craft of film-making evident in "Dickshark" there is a high concept running underneath all the boob shots and ridiculous props. .....and it pays to know Mary Shelley's writing.

This piece is immaculate

[peterc-20626 · 10/10 · 4 August 2020]

The film entitled "Dickshark" is a breathtaking piece that challenges everything you thought you knew as a film goer. With acting that would make the likes of Meryl Streep jealous, and robotic sharks that will have Spielberg shaking in his boots. This film is a must watch and is a hilarious tale for individuals of all ages.