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The Haunted Hotel (2021)
Great White Horse
This is a collection of eight ghost stories that are not scary. They all take place at the Great White Horse in Ipswich. It starts in 1836 with Charles Dickens penning the "Pickwick Papers." The last one takes place in 2019. The stories run from whimsical to heart warming, some predictable, some not and always with a twist. Stories are good but not great.
Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.
Homesick (2021)
What's keeping you?
Brooks (Jason Farries ) is home alone and has developed COVID long after he has had any contact. This isn't the deadly COVID, just the type that makes you a little under the weather and talk to yourself. Talks to parents, girlfriend, and intruder. Very boring. PLOT SPOILER: Climax. He walks outside. Geesh. What a waste of time.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
On-Site (2019)
You must find my cat
Lisa (Chelsea Jordan) is a friendly personable live-in apartment manager in downtown LA. She reminded my of the AT&T girl. Will (David Shea Henne) and Claire (Gabi Alves) from Texas rent a one bedroom unit. Lisa and Claire both hit it off as they both strive to have an acting career. At 20 minutes into the film cue ominous music as we witness Lisa's darker side.
The film reminded me of the superior 2011 "Roommate" where a college girl becomes obsessed with another. It has a similar theme in a different setting. It is an okay film. I started getting bored as they build up the relationship.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Penthouse (2021)
Great View
Peter (David Schifter ) and Amanda (Vanessa Ore) live and and own businesses on Carolina Beach. Charles, a grifter (Michael Pare) rolls into town on a sailboat and scams people on home repairs after storm damage. The Wrights have a bird's eye view of the boat. Charles suspects they have seen something he didn't like.
There is a sword on the wall in the opening scene. The film had a horrible plot and poor characters. It was like a bad Lifetime production.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Ander Mens (2018)
It's all Daniel's fault
Daniel Niemand (Bennie Fourie) works as an account for Frank (Frank Opperman ) in Cape Town South Africa. Frank is a criminal. Daniel is the ideal accountant. He is smart enough to do the work but not bright enough to figure out what is going on. He is also honest enough not to steal. Daniel's wife leaves him for their marriage counselor. Urged by Frank, Daniel pays him a visit which doesn't go well and ends up with everyone wanting to kill Daniel including the woman (Marlee van der Merwe) assigned to protect him. The film opens with an end teaser so we know where this leads.
This is a dubbed dark comedy, light at times. The plot is fun.
Guide: F-word. Brief nudity (Marlee van der Merwe), no sex.
Secret Society (2021)
You know me
Celess (Reyna Love) and Tina (Erica Pinkett) are gold diggers and players who cross the line. Early in the film we discover, Plot Spoiler, they are actually guys bring dishonest with their sugar daddies. These are the protagonists I could not get into. Film was rather dull like a Lifetime. Hopefully they will stop making this trash in Atlanta.
Guide: F-word, sex, no nudity.
Dawn of the Beast (2021)
I'm so Hungry
A group of college grads and their professor head up to the Northeast woods during "Dead Month" when there are a lot of Bigfoot sightings and people go missing. Plot Spoiler: They find Bigfoot and Wendigo. The Bigfoot special effects were not as good as the Wendigo. The film needed better characters and dialogue. It also needed to develop a "final girl."
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Believer (2021)
What I refuse to see
Lucas (Aidan Bristow ) is an out of work nuclear engineer. He has issue with bone health and has trouble with reality, not knowing what is real and what he imagines. His psychologist is Billy Zane who may also be real or not. His wife Violet (Sophie Kargman ) is odd acting and believes Lucas has a demon. Lucas is upset because Violet had an abortion (apparently done by her own hand) without his knowledge or consent.
This is a film that would have made a good book. It moves slow at a snail's pace losing its audience. The audience doesn't know what is real or imagined, just that Violet is creepy. Not for everyone.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Take Back (2021)
Chads will do it everytime
Daughter (Priscilla Walker) taken by sex traffickers. Mom (Gillian White ) and dad (Michael Jai White) who both know martial arts have to get her back. The "twist" is mom was once a prisoner of the same guy.
Mickey Rourke reminded me of Ozzy without the accent. Girls were kept in a shed, not the idea spot for sex traffickers. They have very loose tie-wraps on their wrists. Nothing looked realistic. Action scenes lacked a Liam Neeson hurt aspect.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Unholy (2021)
Alice Saves
The film opens in Bainfield Mass. In 1845 with a girl being killed by a vigilante mob. We then fast forward to the present. Gerry Fenn (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a journalist who has fallen from grace doing "National Enquirer" type of gigs. While investigating a Metallica symbol shaved on the butt of a cow he accidentally sets off a series of fantastic events by breaking the doll he found in the field used to bind previously killed girl. Everything goes well until he realizes he must get the genie back in the bottle.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan gives us a good performance of his character. Climax lacked length and horror.
Guide: No sex or nudity. Don't recall hearing F-word.
Body Brokers (2021)
Here's your cut
The film opens by telling you drug treatment centers are cash cows scamming insurance companies. We then see Utah (Jack Kilmer) and Opal (Alice Englert) being enticed to go to a lovely resort-style treatment center in California, all expenses paid. We later discover drug users are paid to come back. Utah is caught between the few success stories that he hears and his old way of life.
It was an interesting film. Clearly, not all centers are like this, and quitting addiction is a full-time lifetime job.
Guide: F-word. Brief sex. No nudity.
Honeydew (2020)
You're a couple of sticks
The film first shows us a religious and isolated New England community. It then centers on Sam (Sawyer Spielberg ) and Rylie (Malin Barr ). Sam seems odd as he is constantly talking to himself. We later discover he is an actor rehearsing lines. Rylie is working on her PhD. On the latent effects to a community and field contaminated with sordico, described as a rye ergot fungus that infects wheat. After some car issues they are on foot and make their way to a strange farm house. The atmosphere is very well set with old cartoon broadcasts and odd music. The two plots come together as clearly these folks are infected, but believe it is God who is doing it.
This is the cabin in the woods family having captives genre with a twist in the reasoning. I believe" honeydew" was used once in the film very quickly in the beginning to describe a stage of development. Mildly entertaining.
Guide: F-word. Brief sex. No nudity.
The Toll (2020)
Road Closed
Cami (Jordan Hayes) uses a ride share to take her from the airport to her father's remote house in Michigan. Spencer (Max Topplin) is her slightly creepy driver who may just be socially awkward. They go down a road and end up stranded unable to leave the area until they pay the Toll Man who we later discover (PLOT SPOILER?) wants a blood sacrifice. In the meantime he messes with their minds with hallucinations attempting to get the two to turn on each other.
This is a nice combination of films most of us have seen. It starts to drag in the middle with just two people in one car, but then it expands. Nice ending I didn't expect, but had minor clues.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity,
Russkiy Reyd (2020)
No guns.
Nikita watches his father get killed as a child. As an adult he wants revenge and get involved in a complex campaign to raid a liquor factory that used to make missiles. He is with a group that looks like a boys fight club. We know this is going to end up as a one on one climax at the end. It always does. In between we have all kinds of fighting. In fact the film is almost all fighting as a way to showcase Russian martial arts. If all you want to do is watch fist fights, police club fights, sword fights, finally elevated to gun fights then this is your film with subtitles. Not much plot or characters.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Rent-a-Pal (2020)
I am David!
David (Brian Landis Folkins ) lives in his mother's basement as her live-in caretaker. He is attempting to meet a girl in the Denver area through VHS video dating, giving us an idea of the era. David ends up getting a tape with Andy, a rent-a-pal on it. Over time Andy appears to be able to see what is happening to David and have actual conversations. Andy starts to take over David's life.
It is a slow moving film and when it picks up it is because David breaks character in an unbelievable way. I thought the film had potential but it fell short.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Vengeance of the Leprechaun's Gold (2020)
Where's me gold?
Karl (Daniel Sawicki ) and Marshall (Marcus Brooks-Henderson) are hired to find the Leprechaun's gold. They get a small group together and find the gold. The Leprechaun will kill to get it back.
The acting and dialogue were really bad. The leprechaun was a man with an ugly rubber mask that didn't seem to fit properly. The kill scenes were not great. I fell asleep once.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
We Hunt Together (2020)
A burning Desire to be loved
I watched season 1. The story centers of Frederica (Hermione Corfield) who works in the sex industry doing mostly phone sex and apparently some escorts. She is very manipulative and vengeful. She draws in Baba (Dipo Ola ) into her world, an African immigrant with a deadly past he is attempting to leave behind. Together they kill one of her clients. An odd couple of detectives are hunting for the killer. Lola (Eve Myles ) who has a past and issues and Mendy (Babou Ceesay ) who lives his philosophy.
The film is more about the characters than the plot, which was fine as they were interesting folks. The action starts off rather clever, but then loses it edge as it goes into the "not probable" genre.
Guide: F-word. Brief sex. No nudity.
Sacrilege (2020)
She's Coming for you.
The film opens with a stop, drop, and roll teaser and then jumps to one year later. Four women rent a manor in Mabon at the time of the Mabon festival dedicated to their local deity. To no surprise the guests are the offerings.
The production has the typical creepy caretaker. The girls have to write down their worst fears. Note to self: write down baby kittens. The first incident takes place about an hour into the film which is typical for the genre. Girls seemed a bit shallow.
Guide: F-word. Sex. Brief partial nudity.
Haunting of the Mary Celeste (2020)
Where's Aldo?
Rachel Simmons (Emily Swallow ) is investigating the disappearance of the crew of the Mary Celeste that took place 140 years ago. She wants to take measurements at the last known location where the captain made his log. She is aided by Grant (Dominic DeVore ) and an intern Cassandra (Alice Hunter). She has to hire "Shaft" (Richard Roundtree) to captain a ship to take her to the location. Her theory is tectonic plate shift blow back, whatever that is.
Things start to happen as soon as they reach that location, like engines dying.
This is a slow moving story that borders on the supernatural, but is light on actual horror. They could have added a shark. It had all the right elements of character and plot, but somehow the atmosphere didn't bring it all together.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Mafiya: Igra na vyzhivanie (2016)
Mafia Game
This is a poorly constructed Russian film. 11 contestants volunteer to play the game. Two are randomly selected as "Mafia" and the other nine are "Innocent Civilian." They must guess who the mafia are by voting people off the show to face their death caused by their worst fear. It is not as they have to survive on an island or fight against each other. They sit in coffin style chairs and talk about who they think is mafia. We see a back story for the eleven contestants and the deaths of those that die. It was boringly constructed.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity. PLOT SPOILER: The pretty blonde dies first. Seriously?
Psychopomp (2020)
10 miles from the rocker
Psychopomp is defined for us in the beginning as being guided to your final destination after death. The film centers on Archie Finch (Bret Corey ) who has amnesia, bad dreams, and a friend named Ed, perhaps homage to Ed Lynch. The film is disjointed and has bad cinematography and lousy sound to go along with the bad acting and poor dialogue. Maria Olsen, the only name I recognized, had a minor role. Apparently this is some sort of art house type of film that didn't entertain me.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
The Stay (2021)
Redneck Norman Bates
Two couples go on a get away weekend. From the opening we know Hayden (Scott Hamm) is a snoop and his wife Misha (Michele Martin ) is cheating on him and pregnant. The caretaker is a creepy redneck Norma Bates type who crosses the line.
The main problem is we already know the plot and how things end especially when the adult play "Truth or Dare." Geesh. It was cliche written and there was nothing new to the genre. It was like a made-for-TV film except for the use of the mother F-word. No sex or nudity.
Two Wolves (2018)
Good-Bye son
Artemis (Mykel Shannon Jenkins ) is a special agent whose son gets kidnapped by his own father. We see him getting back his son in the opening scene. Then the film jumps to 4 weeks back, then 2 weeks, then 1 week, and finally 2 days in a poorly constructed tale. The back story is as poorly filled in as is the character development. Barely viewable.
Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
Hamlet Pheroun (2019)
Fight like an Egyptian
Yahya Pharaoh (Amr Saad ) recruits a small mercenary force of friends to rescue his kidnapped son who was taken by a warlord in Lebanon.
This is an "are you kidding?" action film. Mike Tyson speaks with a lisp and Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson seems to be copying the lisp with an accent. It was funny just to listen to them recite bad dialogue. However, there wasn't much talking. The film is consumed with fighting and even some roof top jumping.
Guide: No sex or nudity. I don't recall any profanity but I fast forward through most of the film. Not going to waste my entire life. Borders on "so bad it is good." Good for MST-3000.
Happily (2021)
She's my favorite
Janet (Kerry Bishé ) and Tom (Joel McHale ) have been happily married for fourteen years and still go at it like bunnies. Their friends are disgusted by how abnormal this seem to them. A man shows up at their door and claims he can cure them with an injection. He is killed and buried. The happy couple gores on a couples get-away which turns weird.
We really don't get a final explanation for what happened, although we know it is something supernatural. Note "Plan 9 From Outer Space" playing in the background. Not for everyone.
Guide: sex. F-word. Sex. No nudity. Sex.