Battleship (2012) Poster

(2012)

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3/10
Even when taken for what it is, 'Battleship' still fails miserably
TheLittleSongbird14 June 2016
'Battleship' had great potential to be good, with the involvement of Liam Neeson and being based on a fun board game. Plus the concept was really good. All of this is squandered by very poor execution.

Just for the record, this reviewer did know what to expect. Was well aware that 'Battleship' was not meant to be taken seriously, was meant to be big dumb fun and that it was going to be silly. In my opinion, the film failed at all those objectives.

It's not all bad. It is a great-looking film, it's slickly shot with good use of locations and the special effects, by far the best thing about 'Battleship' are fantastic. The sound effects are often thrilling in their authenticity too. While the acting was mostly not good at all, the best performance does come from a very enthusiastic Alexander Skarsgaard.

As for the rest of the performances, much has been said about Rhianna's performance. And it is true that she is very annoying and out of place in a role that has no real point to it. Taylor Kitsch is a rather bland and uncharismatic lead, and Brooklyn Dekker's acting skills prove to be pretty limited. Being the fine actor he is, proved in 'Schindler's List' and 'Kinsey', you'd expect Liam Neeson to be a redeeming quality, he tries his best but he is underused and rather one-dimensionally gruff.

The aliens exude no real threat or personality, also quite clumsily incorporated into the story. The music is loud, bombastic and not much else with too much of one mood and it doesn't always gel, and the film is under-directed by Peter Berg. Despite the fantastic special effects and great visuals, the set pieces and more action-oriented parts are heavy in stupidity and low in excitement and tension, pretty dull actually.

Where 'Battleship' falls down most upon are the script and story. Using every cliché and character stereotype in the book, the dialogue is often cringe-worthy with lazy and overlong exposition and very clumsy and forced jokes. While this reviewer really tried to not take 'Battleship' seriously and take it for what it was, it was hard not to when the film took intelligence-insulting stupidity to extremes, underdeveloped so much of the drama, didn't try to make sense and in some places even took itself too seriously. The story just doesn't engage, and while it is not always fair to criticise a film for being predictable everything was just too obvious and derivative where you constantly knew what was going to happen next.

Overall, despite great visuals 'Battleship' fails miserably even when taking it for what it is. 3/10 Bethany Cox
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Entertaining Throwback to the Patriotic Films of the 1940s
Michael_Elliott30 May 2012
Battleship (2012)

*** (out of 4)

Exciting "revisioning" of the board game features Taylor Kitsch playing a talented man in the Navy who has several attitude problems, which keep him from moving up in rank. This is all about to change when five spaceship like things crash onto Earth and soon four of them are surrounding Hawaii and it's up to Kitsch and his men to try and fight them. I walked into BATTLESHIP with pretty low expectations but it didn't take long for me to really warm up to the material, the characters and all the action that was going on. By the time the end credits started to role I must admit that I had a terrific time in the theater and while there were several flaws for the most part this was a very entertaining summer blockbuster. I think the film works best as a fun throwback to those patriotic action films in the 1940s. Seriously, the Liam Neeson character would have been played by someone like John Wayne and the Kitsch role would have went to someone like Rock Hudson, James Stewart or one of those types. Now, I'm not comparing Kitsch to those actors by any stretch of the imagination but it really seems obvious that director Peter Berg was waiving the American flag high and proud, which is something directors in the 40s were doing. This film has a rather incredible "us vs. them" mentality and most importantly is that the film has fun with it. The action scenes are some of the best in recent memory as we get all sorts of wild explosions, gun battles and countless other bits and pieces. One of the most memorable scenes happens when the alien ship releasing this metal ball of destruction, which is quite a treat for the eyes. The scene where it rips through a city is quite breath-taking and the energy level is off the charts. The CGI effects, something I'm usually negative about, were very good and I thought the creature design and spaceship design where quite flawless. As far as the performances go, for the most part they are fine. Kitsch makes for a good leading man and Neeson is also strong in whatever he does. I wouldn't say Rihanna and Brooklyn Decker gave "good" performances but they fit their roles just fine. BATTLESHIP has pretty much everything a good summer film should have and I was surprised by the fact that they also took time to develop the characters and actually deliver a real story. It's the story that really grabs you and brings you into the material and the producers deserve credit for that. It's just a shame that the film is being overlooked by so many, probably because it's based on a board game.
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3/10
A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing
Leofwine_draca10 December 2014
And so we have yet another stultifying Hollywood blockbuster that substitutes endless fireballs and explosions for real narrative and decent plotting. BATTLESHIP follows in the tradition of the likes of TRANSFORMERS in delivering a movie that's almost chock-full of CGI action and nothing else, resulting in a completely stultifying viewing experience.

The movie starts off on a weak footing, with a lame, jokey first half-hour that attempts to set up characters we're supposed to care about. The weakest of them is unfortunately the lead; this is the guy played by Taylor Kitsch, who ties with the ridiculously-cast Rihanna for giving the most wooden performance in the movie. Needless to say these characters remain cardboard cut-outs throughout, failing to interest the viewer in any discernible way.

So, in the end, we're left with a large-scale game of Battleships with humans and aliens playing each other. And the format quickly becomes repetitive: one side destroys one of the enemy's ships, the other side does the same, and so on, until two and a half hours have passed and the only thing the viewer comes out of this with is a sore neck. The action isn't even very good, relying far too much on sub-par CGI (those spinning wheel things look horrendous) and clichéd scenarios.

All of the older actors in the film (like Liam Neeson) are asked to sit around and look serious, while of the young cast, the only one who stands out is Tadanobu Asano (who turned out to be one of the leads in TOKYO ZOMBIE, who knew?) who delivers a halfway-decent performance. And so it goes on, and on and on, with maximum drama and destruction all the way through, leaving the viewer feeling jaded, bored and ultimately hollow by the whole experience.
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3/10
They do Blow up a lot of Stuff
SnoopyStyle1 September 2013
In 2005, the world discovers another earth-like planet. A message 5x more powerful than other messages is sent to that planet. Sam (Brooklyn Decker) is the daughter of Admiral Terrance Shane (Liam Neeson). Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) gets tased and arrested for stealing a burrito for her. His older brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgård) gets him to sign up for the Navy. When the aliens arrive, the Navy has to battle the newcomers.

Peter Berg directs this mess of junk science based on a board-game.... A BOARDGAME. And he's going all in on this concept. The shells are even made to look like the pegs from the game. The ships are attacked on a grid just like the game. No he's not backing away from the ridiculous premise at all. There isn't really any thing these actors could do about this. Sure we don't expect Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna, or Brooklyn Decker to win awards but they do have Liam Neeson. It's illogical, non-sensible. Even if you accept this world, the science just doesn't work. But if you turn off your brain, they do blow up a lot of stuff. It is a popcorn movie without any nutritional value.
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7/10
Despite the Nationalistic Boasting, The Film is Highly Entertaining
claudio_carvalho2 September 2012
In 2006, NASA sent a signal to a planet very similar to Earth through the Beacon International Project in Saddle Ridge Station, in Hawaii.

In the present days in Hawaii, the troublemaker Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) gets in a big confusion to get a chicken burrito to seduce the gorgeous Sam (Brooklyn Decker), who is the daughter of Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson). Alex's brother Commander Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård) forces Alex to join the Navy.

Lieutenant Alex Cooper participates in an international soccer competition promoted by the Navy and in the final game, he has friction with Captain Yugi Nagata (Tadanobu Asano) and Admiral Shane promises to expel him from the Navy in the end of the international operations in the sea. Alex stays in the destroyer John Paul Jones waiting for the end to the training.

Out of the blue, five alien spacecrafts comes to Earth and one of them hits a satellite and explodes, hitting Hong Kong. However, the other four land on the Pacific Ocean and create a force field around the area without communication to the outside. Two vessels inside the area are destroyed by the alien force but the John Paul Jones survives and Lieutenant Alex Cooper is the highest ranked officer on board. Now Lieutenant Alex Cooper has to take the decisions to save Earth from the alien attack.

"Battleship" is a highly entertaining full of action sci-fi, despite the usual American nationalistic boasting in movies with Armed Forces. I had lower expectations with this film, but in the end I liked it. The story is not bad and even Rihanna has good performance. If the viewer turns the brains off, he or she will probably enjoy this film and specially the great special effects. Wait until the end of the credits for a final scene in Scotland. Last but not the least, the music score is also wonderful. My vote is seven.

Title (Brazil): "Battleship – A Batalha dos Mares" ("Battleship – The Battle of the Seas")

Note: On 28 August 2016, I saw this film again.
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5/10
Battle of the Bay
Prismark1024 March 2014
The best action adventure film not directed by Michael Bay. Just like Transformers this is also an adaptation of a best selling toy.

Five alien ships arrive at earth. One of them being the communication ship is destroyed the other four land near Hawaii where US and Japanese ships are involved in naval exercises. The alien ship create a force field and are contacting their home planet for a larger invasion fleet.

Our hero is Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) a slacker with the aide of his older brother, also a naval officer gets him to join the navy where he becomes a hothead lieutenant aboard USS John Paul Jones. Alex is in a relationship with Sam Shane the daughter of the Navy admiral (Liam Neeson) and is in danger of being discharged from the Navy.

Peter Berg is credited as the director but the his contract had the clause, 'make a Michael Bay film' and in terms of how the film is shot, edited, directed, music and everything else its a carbon copy. Its almost laughable and still it died at the box office.

Given that I do not have a high opinion of the Transformers franchise, I found this film to be inoffensive, entertaining fluff.
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Endlessly silly and noisy but distracting with it (SPOILERS, like it matters)
bob the moo8 September 2012
Warning: Spoilers
What a very odd mix this film is and I suppose it is only suitable considering that it is a film that is based on a rather dated and static board game. The plot sees a forward mission from space landing in the middle of a naval exercise and starting a small war as the humans try to stop the aliens signalling back to reinforcements. The outcome is first and foremost a lot of explosions, near missing, heroic deeds and special effects – for over two hours. In this regard it sort of does the job and you can see where the money was spent and if you just wish to see stuff explode while heroic men and hot women run around it then this is as good as film as any I suppose, the lack of money is not the problem here.

The problem is that it does almost nothing with it. There is rarely a sense of danger or threat; even as people are dying I didn't feel anything in particular. This is quite a big problem because if you don't care then it just becomes noise without any heart and it limits how involved you can become – even if you want to feel something the film offers you very little. I did like the move of killing a main character but, to be honest, it was done with such limited emotional impact or meaning that I honestly presumed I had misunderstood and that it had been a different ship and that the character was still alive. As it was he wasn't alive but it made no different to me and almost none to those people on the screen either. The silliness of the film could have done with some involvement and engagement to help you get past the daftness of it all, because without your heart overtaking your brain, your brain is free to take in just how dumb so much of it is.

The tone is odd too. On one hand this is a throwaway special effects movie that has an unseen body count of tens of thousands (the impact on Hong Kong) and hundreds of sailors being killed in explosions meant to thrill rather than sadden – pretty much the norm for these big blockbusters, the only lives that matter are the lead actors. But in this case we have loads of respectful nods to the heroes of the navy and also the loss of those that gave their lives of limbs in the service of their country – it is a weird feel to have this acknowledgment of reality in the midst of total fantasy and it doesn't sit well.

The cast are little more than visual effects themselves – certainly nobody is in this film because it really pushes their acting skills to breaking point; actually no, scratch that, because there are a couple n here who seem to be at their limit even with this stuff. Kitsch is rugged and at least has a bit of a twinkle about it but he is still limited to that and nothing more. Decker is, to be fair, not as bad as I thought she would be – ultimately she is here as eye candy but she seemed quite natural throughout. Compare that to Rihanna, who barely has more than one sentence to deliver at a time but yet still clunks them around the screen. The rest of the cast do so-so, shouting and running on cue without ever sticking in the mind too much.

Overall Battleship is what you expect it to be and ironically this lower expectation will probably help the film. It is distracting on this level but it is ultimately just noise and silliness without any heart or real danger and it is easy to be half watching it even if you're not doing anything else.
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9/10
WHO'S NEXT IN CHARGE?
nogodnomasters22 September 2018
Warning: Spoilers
The film starts with a NASA announcement that they are sending signals to a nearby "Goldilocks" planet to see if there is any life. We then switch to a bar scene where Alex (Taylor Kitsch) is "celebrating" his birthday with his naval officer brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgård). He sees a young lady at the bar attempting to score a chicken burrito...which leads us to some comical events and then the opening credits.

After the credits, the film jumps some undisclosed years ahead. Alex is a full lieutenant in the navy on a ship (normally takes 8-10 years to rise that high). The girl, Samantha (Brooklyn Decker) happens to be the daughter of the Fleet Admiral (Liam Neeson). They want to get married. The admiral loathes Alex because he is a gross underachiever. Everything is fun and games until...the subplots come together. At this point we can write the rest of the script. The alien ships were akin to transformers.

I must apologize, but I enjoyed the film. The inane plot continuity issues and science was Asylum grade from beginning to end. I could be here all day writing about how absurd things were. But unlike an Asylum film, they didn't cheat us on a soundtrack which ranged from Henry Mancini to AC/DC. We had quality actors playing likable characters with some decent lines. And no one can beat WWII vets during an AC/DC music montage.

Think of the movie as "Independence Day" light with cheese. Good fun, good action, break out the popcorn and park your brain at the door.

No sex, no nudity, near F-bombs.
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6/10
Unreal
kosmasp7 June 2012
And I'm not even talking about the general concept of the Battleship game being transfered to a movie here, but about Brooklyn Decker. She's so gorgeous it should be illegal. Apart from this fan-boy outcry though and the fact it's even more unreal someone would not be cheered up in her presence, the movie is not as bad as one would expect. It's not really good either, but I guess you can watch it once. Maybe you did expect more of Peter Berg, but one thing I'll be grateful for: He did not budge. The GI Joe 2 movie will be "redone" in 3D now, but Peter Berg would not have any of this! Thank you sir.

While the GI Joe disaster probably will be a success Box Office wise, this Battleship right here sunk (if you'll excuse the pun). Paramount kinda got the wrong message when they saw Avengers succeeding at the Box Office: It wasn't the 3D that made the movie good or successful: It was the fact, that it was good! But try to explain that to executives ... Good luck with that.
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4/10
Battleship
jboothmillard31 August 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I saw the poster for this film and rightly assumed that it was going to be a film based on the famous Hasbro board game with the catchphrase "You sank my battleship!", and the makers of Transformers were obviously involved too, so I did watch it eventually, from Razzie nominated director Peter Berg (Welcome to the Jungle, Hancock). Basically in 2005 NASA transmitted a signal to an extrasolar planet discovered to have similar living conditions to Earth, and they are hoping to make contact with alien life. Slacker Alex Hopper (John Carter's Taylor Kitsch) is forced into joining the United States Navy along with his Commander brother Stone Hopper (True Blood's Alexander Skarsgård), after getting into trouble trying to impress Samantha 'Sam' (Razzie nominated Brooklyn Decker), daughter of Pacific Fleet Admiral Terrance Shane (Razzie nominated Liam Neeson). By 2012 Alex has risen to the rank of Lieutenant on the USS John Paul Jones, and he is dating Sam, his brother commands the USS Sampson, and the two ships are taking part in a Naval exercise, along with other Pacific nations. During the exercise however five alien crafts have responded to the signal from 2005, coming to Earth, and one landing in the middle of the ocean near Hawaii, it is only after Alex and Petty Officer Cora 'Weps' Raikes (introducing Razzie winning singer Rihanna) go to investigate that something happens. They unintentionally activate the craft to begin expanding and flying, and then the humans fire on it, and the alien visitors blow up the Sampson and kill Stone, sink the Hong Kong based ship and cause damage to the John Paul Jones, and Alex takes command. Survivors of the Myōkō, the ship from Hong Kong, board the American vessel and give them the idea to use tsunami warning buoys to pinpoint the locations of the invisible alien crafts, using a number and letter board to fire missiles on them (just like the game). While the crew of the John Paul Jones encounter an alien that they take the armour off of and investigate, aliens are causing destruction on the nearby land as well, with now psychotherapist Sam, Army veteran and double amputee Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales (Gregory D. Gadson) and scientist Cal Zapata (Hamish Linklater) of the alien communications facility caught in the middle of the battle. The battleship crew know now that the aliens are wearing suits as they are sensitive to sunlight, and they manage to destroy two of the three alien crafts attacking, but they are forced to have to find another vessel when the John Paul Jones is destroyed. They find the USS Missouri, old and retired, but they restore all the engines and weapons ready to once again go against the aliens, with the help of Sam, Canales and Zapata on land to use the alien array which helps control their power. They manage to destroy the remaining alien invaders, with some help from the Australians, and at a ceremony of honours Stone gets a posthumous Navy Cross, and Alex gets the Silver Star and gets promoted to Lieutenant Commander, he also asks Shane if her ca marry his daughter Sam, he refuses, but he jokes and says they can discuss it at lunch. There is also a little bit after all the credits where some Scottish children and a handyman find a crashed alien object, the man manages to crack it open, and they are all scared by whatever it is that comes out. Also starring Tadanobu Asano as Captain Yugi Nagata, Jesse Plemons as Boatswain Mate Seaman Jimmy 'Ordy' Ord, Peter MacNicol as Secretary of Defense and John Tui as Chief Petty Officer Walter 'The Beast' Lynch. Kitsch is alright as the no-hoper turned Naval hero, Skarsgård could have been on screen a bit longer, Neeson does his usual stern thing, and Rihanna in her first film gets some one- liners and is gorgeous, but that's about it. I have played the board game many times, so I was intrigued how they would fit the game play into the story, they sort of do it, the story could have been more original, it does have great special effects for the Transformers style alien ships, and some relatively engaging action and explosion sequences, a not completely terrible science-fiction action film. It was nominated the Razzie for Worst Screen Ensemble for the Entire Cast, Worst Screenplay and Worst Picture. Okay!
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7/10
Prepare to be blown out of the water...
paul_haakonsen4 August 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I initially feared that "Battleship" would turn out the way that "Skyline" did, being an empty, shallow husk of a movie with no story and was just pure CGI eye candy. Luckily, it turned out not to be. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, because it was both a good story and eye candy CGI combined into one.

The story in "Battleship" is that Earth have discovered a planet much like our own somewhere far away in the galaxy, and with amplified equipment mankind transmits a message far into deep-space. Something picks up on our signal and heads for Earth. The alien ships contact with Earth, literally, somewhere in the ocean near Hawaii. But are the visitors friendly?...

Sure, this storyline has been seen before in other movies. Worn thin? Well, not particularly, because it make for good entertainment, despite having been used countless times already.

As for the acting in the movie, well I think that people did good jobs with their given roles and I was most impressed with Taylor Kitsch (playing Alex Hopper), he was the one doing the most outstanding job. And it was a shame that Liam Neeson (playing admiral Shane) only had a supporting role, would have liked to see him more in the movie. And as for Rihanna (playing Cora Reikes), well personally I didn't recognize that it was her as I don't listen to her music and much less watch her videos, but I did remember her face, just couldn't place where I had seen it. I will say that despite her music being what it is, then her performance in "Battleship" was actually alright, nothing memorable, but alright.

Then comes the CGI effects. WOW! That was just beyond amazing. Everything looked so realistic and awesome. Lots of great details in everything, and the ship design for the alien spacecrafts was quite good, though I didn't fully understand the leaping abound on water, why not just hover, float or fly? And their weapons were quite good as well, though instead of exploding, it would have been cool if they caused implosions. Perhaps most impressive, to me at least, was the design of the body armor that the visitor were using. I loved those, and it was like something straight out of the "Unreal Tournament" games. They looked cool and awesome and also had lots of nice details. And as for the aliens themselves, well you don't get to see all that much of them, but they were also nicely made, man-like yet alien in a way.

There was a good amount of destruction in the movie, a lot of naval ships getting blown up and sinking, and that was looking quite good. But what really had be worked up was the destruction scene in Hong Kong. Oh wow, that looked awesome, just a shame it was so short and centered to mostly a single building. But wow, that looked so great that I actually had to watch it twice.

The downside of "Battleship" is that it is so amazingly predictable, even before you put the disc into the player you know exactly how this movie will end. And also it was just a little tad too much pro-American with the way they turned a naval museum, the Missouri battleship, into a fully functioning vessel and with the help of retired naval veterans managed to best the visitors. Sure it was entertaining, but come on, it was just a tad red, white and blue.

If you like Sci-Fi movies, then you definitely should check out "Battleship", if for nothing else, then for the CGI effects alone, it will blow you out of the water. I was thoroughly entertained by this movie from start till end.
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7/10
Despite being based on a game, Battleship was quite exciting to me
tavm5 June 2012
Since this movie was shot in a studio here in Baton Rouge, I was curious to see if it was going to be represented in Battleship. Maybe it's the bar/convenience store scenes or maybe some of the effects shots, I don't know. Anyway, I highly enjoyed this somewhat shopworn story of a screw-up joining his older brother's Navy and then redeeming himself during the battle with aliens. And it was also very touchingly patriotic when those elderly veterans joined in the fight. Really, I have no shame in saying this was quite enjoyable in a cathartic level even knowing this was based on a game by Hasbro. So on that note, I highly recommend Battleship. P.S.-Two things took me aback: President Obama on the downtown screen supposedly addressing things in the movie but it was probably previous news footage of something else and the use of Creedance Clearwater Revival's "Fortunate Son" during the end credits since that happened to be a song that protested the way offspring of politicians managed to avoid fighting during the Vietnam War.
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Unrelated to the game
Gordon-111 December 2016
This film tells the story of the unintended consequence of people sending signals to space, hoping to contact extraterrestrial lifeforms. Aliens in metallic armours and machinery arrive to destroy the world. Some naval officers fight valiantly against these aliens to try to save the world.

"Battleship" does not have much resemblance to the game I used to play and enjoy when I was a child.. A lot of unrelated stories have been added to make it a full length film, so it should really be regarded as a standalone film with little connection to the game. The visual effects are quite spectacular. The naval officers are very brave, and it is also nice that an army officer also helps to save the day on land. Everyone is a hero in the film.
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7/10
Action filled disappointment.
michaelRokeefe3 October 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Peter Berg produces and directs this over ambitious spectacle. An epic action thriller that just doesn't quite live up to the hype. Based on Hasbro's classic naval combat game; several nations gather across the seas in a mutual mock war exercise. The skies become filled with outer space vehicles ready to do war if necessary to claim and use earth as a sister world. Some real decent special effects; but a predictable story line and weak dialog dooms BATTLESHIP. A romantic sub-plot doesn't do much for the film; but one thing you can expect to get is a lot of noise. Sometimes FX make a movie; this time it won't happen. Taylor Kitsch and Alexander Skarsgard play brothers, one a naval Lieutenant and the other a Commander that most of the time don't see eye to eye; and there is the romantic situation with physical therapist Brooklyn Decker. Singer Rhianna is just shy of outstanding as a Petty Officer and weapons specialist on the USS John Paul Jones, while Liam Neeson coasts through the film as the honorable Admiral Shane. Others in this large cast: Tadanobu Asano, Peter MacNicol, John Tui, Hamish Linklater, and Yoji Yoshida. It will be hard not to notice the sequence where a sonar screen resembles the Battleship game that many baby boomers have spent hours playing.
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5/10
It rhymes with ship!
hitchcockthelegend4 December 2015
Actually that's a little unfair, for those after a two hour plus movie of noise and robotic like destruction, then this has a modicum of popcorn frivolity about it. But it's all so vacuous, any semblance of a story is given over for a chance to show some Transformers effects work, the human characters constantly an afterthought as they play second fiddle to another CGI action scene. It feels like an extended toy advertisement, the acting is sub-standard and the editing - appropriately enough for the film's setting - is akin to a bout of sea sickness. The action sequences all carry a familiarity about them, while like their human counterparts, the alien foe here are devoid of any rhyme or reason as to their motive and being.

Cash infused metallic porn at its most tiresome. 5/10
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4/10
Sinks Almost Without Trace
Theo Robertson6 December 2014
I thought relax after a hard day at work by putting my feet up and unwinding with a big , loud , dumb , fun blockbuster . To be fair BATTLESHIP is big , loud , dumb but is it fun ? Not really

Some people on this page ( Hi Bob ) have mentioned the tone of the film and it's impossible not to notice just how jarring it is . For the first half hour the audience are subjected to much silliness and humour which almost had this audience member switching channels not least because it's presented in an almost lunatic Michael Bay style . Then for some reason the story cuts to amputees from the real life conflicts of Iraq and Afghanistan which comes close to being both poignant and offensive in equal measure

I suppose being a Summer blockbuster the audience don't want sombre , character driven drama - they want lots of action and they get it but again much of the work here is substandard . Did someone mention Michael Bay ? Well that's what we get . Lots of action , lots of elliptical editing and lots of explosions . Sorry I mean lots of CGI explosions . Indeed much of the computer generated images aren't much better than the ones you see in the average SyFy mockbuster and is pretty dreadful . To be honest if it wasn't for the fact that Liam Neeson ( Basically a cameo appearance ) and that popular female singer *( Can't be bothered spelling her name ) you'd probably think you were watching something on the SyFy Channel
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5/10
VERY stupid and loud but enjoyable
preppy-327 July 2013
Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) has no direction in life and his brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgard) brings him into the Navy where he gets in trouble with his temper and arrogance. Then aliens attack and he (quite improbably) is in charge of a huge destroyer and has to protect the crew AND fight the aliens.

This was a huge big budget bomb in the summer of 2012. It's easy to see why. The title alone is hardly exciting; Kitsch was an unknown and put in the lead; it LOOKED bad (the trailers were laughed at by audiences) and it was savaged by critics. Now it is stupid--VERY stupid and it's extremely loud with things blowing up left and right, lousy dialogue, the aliens look stupid and there's non-stop warfare. But I sort of enjoyed it. Kitsch is very good. He's handsome, muscular and can actually act. Skarsgard also is excellent as his brother. Singer Rihanna is OK in her role and Brooklyn Decker is good as Sam--Alex's girlfriend. The special effects are superb, there are incredible sound effects and LOUD booming music during almost the entire film. I was able to ignore the stupid plot because it's never dull and always keeps moving. However the opening half hour has some truly dreadful character exposition which is tough to get through. But really--it's no better and no worse than any other ordinary Hollywood summer blockbuster. I give it a marginal recommendation.
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1/10
Gunboats, Guts, and Geezers
LeonLouisRicci22 October 2012
If this is the best CGI they can do for two hundred million dollars, wait a minute, no it isn't, because there has been better, much better. This is a loud, redundant, mind-less, colorless, and story-less movie that looks gray and has the feeling of, no feeling at all.

It is a numbing exercise in clichés and boredom that repeats the clunky alien craft skipping across the water a half dozen times and this clanging, creaky contraption is supposed to be exciting. The aliens themselves are uninteresting and their like have been seen in Comic Books and Pulp Magazines for literally a century and they pass this stuff off as something new. The concepts and designs are not only ancient but an aggravating assault on the senses.

The look of the movie is amazingly atrophied and maybe as bad as the non existent story. The script never answers any questions, in fact, it never even bothers to ask any. This one reaches a low level of ludicrous. It really has to be seen to appreciate how bad it really is. But don't......Donate the money to Charity and you will feel much better and the world may be saved from future debacles such as this.
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5/10
Old sailors never die....
CinemaSerf31 May 2020
Ok, so I had just watched Fritz Lang's magnificent "Metropolis" (1927) so I figured that my brain could do with some celluloid equivalent of Ben & Jerry's. I found it - and much to my surprise, I rather enjoyed this CGI-fest. Taylor Kitsch is the cute, irresponsible Navy lieutenant who seems bent on a path of self destruction - despite the fact that his girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker) is the daughter of an Admiral (Liam Neeson) and his brother the captain of another frigate (Alexander Skarsgård). Then, on what is likely to be his last chance, the fleet encounters some beings from outer space who erect an invincible force-field around Hawaii and set about their mischievous purpose.... All the modern battle gizmos prove ineffective against this new foe and as a last resort they have to commandeer a long since retired battleship to save the world from imminent invasion... There is plenty of high-octane action; CGI is king - but it's got a kick-ass performance from Rihanna and once it gets going, Kitsch is actually quite good as the gung-ho brat with attitude. No, this is never, ever going to trouble a jury of writing or acting talent (unless, they have tail feathers and a wattle) and at over 2 hours it really is way too long; but if you are looking for stuff to watch that will dull all but your alien shoot 'em up senses; then you could do much worse than immerse yourself in this nonsense for a while...
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7/10
Nothing "Transforming," But A Lot of Fun
zardoz-1327 May 2012
Warning: Spoilers
You can get away with anything in science fiction. The mega-budget, sci-fi spectacle "Battleship" is as implausible as it is predictable. Nevertheless, despite its familiarity and contrivance, this larger-than-life, juvenile actioneer is a lot of fun. The end credits scene is not worth waiting around for but it does make room for a sequel. If you accept the proposition that pugnacious aliens from another galaxy would attack Earth, everything else is tolerable. The real problem is predictability. "Battleship" is a contemporary "War of the Worlds" clone on the high seas. Not surprisingly, the U.S. Navy defeats these hostile extraterrestrials with a little help from a former Asian adversary. "Friday Night Lights" director Peter Berg rehabilitates the Japanese for "Battleship." A rugged cast, scenic Hawaiian settings, and the theme of diversity make "Battleship" rewarding for those who thrive this brand of cheesy Saturday morning flotsam. Anybody who knows anything about ships knows you couldn't execute the maneuvers that the U.S.S. Missouri pulls off. The fantastic computer generated imagery compensates somewhat for the corny, formulaic plot. The alien warships appear impressive, and one of their weapons—a blazing yo-yo that can eat through metal like a blow torch through butte--makes things look dire. Presumably, you might even say that there is a William Faulkner like tenacity to survive the worst calamity that the universe puts in our path.

"Red" scribes Jon and Erich Hoeber along with director Peter Berg deserve top marks for their inventive adaptation of a venerable board game. For the record, this iconic Milton Bradley game is about deducing the location of the enemy on the high seas. Berg and the Hoebers open "Battleship" in 2005 with the revelation that NASA (keep those funds coming) has found a "Goldilocks planet" similar to Earth in a nearby galaxy. We launch a powerful, sophisticated satellite to beam them a radio signal. A geeky scientist isn't so sure that this is an entirely good idea. "This could be like Columbus and the Indians, except we're the Indians." Predictably, these dastardly folks dispatch a reconnaissance team to investigate Earth. Unfortunately, for these fellows who all resemble "Hellboy's" Ron Pearlman with reptilian eyes, things do not proceed as they had planned. The communication starship crashes into the skyscrapers of Hong Kong and the aliens have no way to call home. The other four starship plunge into the Pacific Ocean about the same time that the U.S. Navy and 13 other countries are about to embark on RIMPAC, the Rim of the Pacific Exercise. These war games constitute the world's largest international maritime exercise. You can see where the Hoebers and Berg drew their inspiration. The problem here is that the aliens won't make you cringe. These guys have nothing on aliens in either "Alien" or the predators in "Predator." They don't bleed sulfuric acid, and they aren't as aggressive as the arachnids in "Starship Troopers." They boast some top-notch equipment but their arsenal looks similar to the Navy. Presumably, since we think alike, there shouldn't too big a gap in our weapons. Mind you, these extraterrestrials are light years ahead of us in space travel and firepower. They arm their massive, bright chrome, shape-shifting, aerodynamic vessels with the equivalent of hedgehopper ordnance to rain down Hell. Their best ordnance is a gigantic Yo-Yo-with a whip tail. These orbs of destruction smash into a ship and burn tunnel throughout it. Meantime, the U.S. Navy responds with their standard weapons and these defeat the enemy because the heroes predict correctly where the aliens are. The chief complication for our heroes is that radar doesn't work so they have to come up with another way of tracking the movements of the aliens at sea.

The other flaw afflicting "Battleship" is its lackluster humans. Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch of "John Carter") qualifies as the usual underdog hero. He gets into trouble on his 26th birthday when he encounters a drop-dead gorgeous blonde, Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker of "Just Go with It"), at a bar. Basically, Alex sleeps on his brother's couch and lets him chauffeur him around for jobs. A mean-spirited barkeeper informs Samantha as he shuts the door to a microwave that the kitchen is closed. Alex sidles up to Samantha and promises to deliver a chicken burrito in five minutes. Initially, Alex discovers the convenience store across the street has just closed for the evening. Resourceful fellow that Alex is, he breaks into the store, gets a chicken burrito, nukes it, pays for it, and then makes a less-than-graceful exit. Berg depicts most of this tongue-in-cheek scene from the perspective of the store's surveillance cameras with Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther" theme to underscore the humor. The Honolulu Police taser Alex twice for his gallantry. Naturally, Alex's other brother Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgard of "Straw Dogs.") isn't impressed. Stone wants to join the Navy. The revelation that Samantha is the daughter of U.S. Navy Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson of "The Grey") infuriates Stone. Consequently, Stone coerces Alex to join the Navy, too.

Seven years elapse. Stone commands the USS Sampson, while Alex serves as Tactical Action Officer aboard the destroyer USS John Paul Jones. Samantha and Alex are still dating, much to the chagrin of Admiral Shane. During a soccer match between the U.S. Navy and the Japanese, a Japanese player kicks Alex in the face by accident. Long story short, this mischief forges bad blood between the two, and they tangle later and are reprimanded. Admiral Shane tells Alex that his seagoing days may be numbered. Cue the aliens to crash into the Pacific, wipe out a warship, and deploy an impregnable shield that encloses both the Sampson and the John Paul Jones. Worse things ensue, but our hero redeems himself. The trailers make "Battleship" look like "Transformers" on water, but the aliens are far more conventional opponents with an Achilles' heel that brings them down.
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1/10
One of the worst movies of all time
grantss14 November 2015
Surely one of the worst movies of all time. I watched this with very low expectations, and was still surprised how bad it was. Even more surprising is that it is not directed by Michael Bay, it's that bad. Sort of a cross between Independence Day and Transformers, only worse (and I didn't think that was possible).

Plot is your standard humans vs aliens stuff, just more contrived, implausible, nonsensical, trite and gung ho than ever. Plot has so many holes that you suspend disbelief quite quickly.

The cast were hired for their big names (Rihanna clearly isn't there for her acting ability). And clearly the cast must have been paid heaps, as nobody would want this on their CV. Just when I thought Alexander Skarsgaard might have a future in acting...
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6/10
Of course it's dumb and big!
Boba_Fett113816 April 2012
Basically the best way you could describe this movie is that it's being a Michael Bay movie, without having Michael Bay involved with it.

It's sort of funny. Not only is the movie big and overblown, it even features the exact same camera handling, buildup and characters like a Michael Bay movie. It's as if the studio told director Peter Berg to make a Michael Bay type movie and Berg took it a bit too literally.

But in all honesty, I'm not a Bay hater, so I'm also not hating on this movie for taking such an approach. Having said that, it of course is still far from a great movie but if you want some big, dumb entertainment, this movie is well worth seeing nevertheless.

It has all the pros of a Michael Bay in it but also really all of the cons! It's a good looking and often also spectacular movie but it's very thin on its story and the characters never really become likable enough to make you care about anything that is happening in this movie. Of course it also features a far from convincing concept to begin with and the movie never really makes any good attempt to explain certain stuff or make things realistic, in any way or form.

The whole idea of the movie was already a bit crazy to begin with. Making a live action movie, based on a board game, that isn't even about maritime battles but about human ships versus aliens instead. No, of course it has very little to do with the board game 'Battleship', though the movie at one point still incorporated the concept of the board game into the movie pretty creatively. I can of course understand the studios wanting to attach the name "Battleship" to their project, since it's already a well established name and people all over the world are familiar with the game. And I can of course also understand the game manufacturer, that probably got paid big dollars and thought that the potential popularity of this movie would add to the sale of their own product as well. So this is all something I won't hold against the movie.

The movie is maintaining enough as it is. It has some good action and the special effects are all great looking. It's definitely a good movie to watch on the big screen, if you simply want to have a good time and don't want to think about stuff too much.

And just as I thought, Liam Neeson is actually hardly in this movie at all. Seems like they only casted him to have a big name attached to the project. His scenes probably got shot within the time span of a week, so please don't go watching this movie expecting to see a lot of Liam Neeson awesomeness or to see him taking on a couple of aliens and their 'battleships'.

Not a great movie in any way but it luckily still is entertaining enough.

6/10

http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/
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7/10
Preposterous rubbish (but quite enjoyable nonetheless)
neil-47613 April 2012
Warning: Spoilers
If you shoot messages at earth-type planets saying "Yoo hoo! Here we are!" then you mustn't be too surprised if the recipients turn up on your doorstep 10 minutes later looking to take the place over. In the case of Battleship, "on your doorstep" means "splashing down in the ocean just off Hawaii." The good news is that the combined navies of the world are involved in war games just off Hawaii. The bad news is that the aliens put up a force field dome which includes Hawaii but excludes all the navies except for 3 destroyers, two of which are taken out in fairly short order, leaving just the one which is under the command of feckless loser Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch). And the clock is ticking, because if the ETs manage to phone home then it will be all over for the human race.

I suppose that if you can base movies on theme park rides (Pirates Of The Caribbean) and toys (Transformers) then it's not unreasonable to base one on a board game (in my case, I'm old enough to remember playing it on squared paper). And there is, indeed, a sequence involving taking potshots at an opponent on a location grid. But mostly this film is lots of explosions as navy and aliens take turns at trying to pulverise the other side. If the eye candy of alien tech and destruction does it for you, then you are in for a real treat here.

Because, apart from the winsome Brooklyn Decker who puts in an appearance from time to time, there is nothing else here of any substance whatsoever. The film is empty-headed, illogical drivel from start to finish, gung-ho to the extreme (the other navies might as well not be there, apart from one Japanese boat).

Taylor Kitsch is really short.

The introduction of the Battleship itself, towards the end, raises a smile.

The "anchor manoeuvre" (aka handbrake turn) is a hoot, albeit typical of the film's disregard for little things like the laws of physics.

So I'm puzzled as to why I enjoyed it as much as I did - I didn't love it, but neither did I feel I'd wasted my time.
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7/10
"The Poseidon Adventure" Meets "Transformers"
evanston_dad18 November 2012
If one were wondering how anyone could possibly make a movie from the board game "Battleship," the answer is: make a movie whose sole tie to the board game is that it has a battleship in it.

Everything else about this film is "original" alien invasion hokum. Like a Michael Bay film, it's a recruitment ad for the armed forces, and it's preposterously long (129 minutes?!!), but if you can deal with those two strikes against it, it's not a terrible film. Going in with low enough expectations, there's a lot of enjoyment to be had. The film is of course fun to make fun of, but it's more than willing to make fun of itself, which makes it better than a lot of other movies in similar genres. There are a whole bunch of snazzy special effects, but they all look like the CGI effects that every movie has now, and none of them are especially memorable. They're more memorable than Taylor Kitsch as the main protagonist, however, who nonetheless manages to hold his own in scenes with Liam Neeson, mostly because Neeson's phone-it-in performance seems to have been filmed completely separately from anything else having to do with the movie and spliced in later.

Still, this is what the term "guilty pleasure" was invented to describe.

Grade: B
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4/10
This Movie Sank
view_and_review8 June 2014
Peter Berg has directed a couple of movies that I thoroughly enjoyed: Hancock and Friday Night Lights. It's a wonder he accepted this project because it was going to be a difficult task. You're taking a board game and making it into a movie!? Had that ever been done before? The closest thing I can think of is Jumanji, but it was about a board game and not a board game that was made into a movie.

Battleship was bad. The story was bad as was the concept. The only halfway decent part of the movie were the effects. There were some good explosions and destruction but nothing else worth watching besides that.

The premise is an alien ship (UFO: Unidentified Floating Object) is on Earth and attacks from the water. When all of the newer American and others' ships are destroyed it's time to fire up an out of service battleship to save the day. Really? And they even paid homage to the board game in the most contrived manner. On the antiquated battleship the crew had to use a screen with dots laid out in a grid. The commander called out coordinates for the officers to fire at in order to hit, and ultimately sink, the alien ship. Oh come on. I think Monopoly would have made a better movie.
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