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Reviews
The Veil (2024)
Completely loses its way
So much promise, so little delivered. It goes from difficult to follow to incomprehensible. If you are following it, then prepare to be disappointed because nothing much gets resolved. So you'll be left wishing for a slightly more conventional conclusion instead of one that makes you wish you hadn't spent 6 episodes getting to the messy end. It's ok not to resolve every thread and to not neatly wrap things up but we are after a story and entertainment so when you leave dissatisfied the work has failed. I don't want another season despite the fact that the main character was a good one. Complex and competent. That wasn't enough.
Hit Man (2023)
Can you suspend your morality and let it slide?
I always have a problem with movies that celebrate or at least forgive those that commit crimes, particularly murder and treat it as being ok.
Defending your home and your life in an attack is understandable and would be acceptable to all but cold blooded murder to suit your own ends is beyond questionable.
I guess this is a spoiler so I'll tick that box.
Our two "heroes" do exactly that and despite the obvious attempts to make the victims as unlikeable as possible there is no getting around the morally repugnant nature of the act/s performed.
In particular Ryan shows not even the slightest qualms, he switches from charmer to psychopath in that moment and subsequent scenes feel completely at odds with what we just witnessed.
I can't let it slide. I can't forgive this for the sake of the joke or the humour we are supposed to find. It's just wrong.
Buckley's Chance (2021)
Good acting can't save bad writing
Apart from the clichés there is a lot of clunky writing and dumb stuff. A snake referred to as poisonous instead of venomous. A fence being repaired but not using the correct tools. An injured dingo acting like a dog. Stereotypical bad guys. The usual disaffected teen who gets lost. He's supposedly in the middle of the outback and then a huge dam appears? Then all of a sudden it's a massive river with of all things a waterfall? What the? Why does he fall over all the time? What a mess. Moments of authenticity were rare. Maybe it plays to American ears but I waited in vein for something that felt even slightly real. Must have been a bit embarrassing for all concerned.
Argylle (2024)
A parody that fails to take itself seriously
Lots of twists but the more jokey it gets the worse it gets. Ultimately it becomes a cartoon and at that point it completely fails.
Bryce Dallas Howard doesn't work as a spy but is comfortable as a slightly shy and retiring writer. The switch into super spy is totally unconvincing. At one point the fabulous Sofia Boutella makes an appearance and you can't help but wonder how the film would have been if she was the lead.
The worst part is an extended fight sequence that drags on and is silly instead of gripping. There's a nod to Kingsmen which was terrific but this is just annoying. Sam Rockwell always does well but you'd have to think he was regretting his decision to be part of this.
Lioness (2023)
Let's hope this is pure fiction
Are soldiers, special ops or otherwise, really this moronic? Do they really routinely engage in bar tool brawls, is throwing a punch the limit of their intellect?
I'd like to think they are a little more intelligent and considered in their behaviour. Sure, they joined the marines but given we put them in charge of deadly weapons let's hope they really aren't the jerks this show portrays them as.
Has the writer/s never heard of one punch deaths? People do not always survive being punched in the head and if they do they don't generally shake it off.
Maybe in doing research for this the writer could have taken just a single punch, pretty much anywhere to understand what happens and then could have written something more realistic.
Yes there is violence in the world and real violence is actually worse, it's just not as dramatic.
The Americans (2013)
Morally ambiguous . . . or is it?
This show asks you to like the two main characters who routinely deceive and sometimes murder innocents. The warped justification is that they think they are at war and therefore it is justified as a "forgivable" action.
At no time does the audience feel they were justified and is usually horrified at what they have just done. Yet somehow we are supposed to treat them sympathetically or at least without contempt for their appalling actions. They are dreadful people who excuse their actions as being those of patriots fighting for their country and then go home to be mum and dad to their two children.
It is not a spoiler to say they are two Russians pretending to be Americans living in the USA and working for the Russian Government. I do wonder how it would feel if they were two Americans living in Russia and doing the same thing. It might feel altogether different but I'm not so sure. I think the way they treat people would feel disgusting no matter who was doing it or for which cause.
I cannot then square their behavior as killers to the people that come home and pretend to be good parents to their children. They cannot act as role models to their children as they have no empathy, no morals, no ethics. They will do or say anything no matter how harmful to others. They are sociopathic in action if not in actuality. They are unlovable and I would think incapable of love.
But I continue to watch. Why? Yes the acting is good the plots interesting but ultimately I watch because I want to see them caught and imprisoned for life. They deserve it!
Octopussy (1983)
A bit too silly
Saw this film again after many years and it doesn't stand up. The action sequences now seem awkward and unconvincing. As with all Bond films the villain has many opportunities to off Bond but never takes them. Again, as always, Bond is captured and escapes. You watch that wondering why he had to do something convoluted instead of walking out the open door? Why does he run into the jungle when he could have taken the jeep? Why, having tried to kill Maude does Louis Jordan then decide to kidnap her?
To a certain extent you expect the silly over the top choices such as the assassin using a manual buzzsaw instead of the much more effective and simple gun. But it's a long film and you get a bit tired of the dumb stuff.
It's of it's time and when I first saw it I don't remember thinking that the fight sequences were weak but modern action films have raised that bar far above this offering such that you smile when you're supposed to be impressed.
Even the climactic aerial action sequence which I was amazed at, i.e. That they could do it, was at the same time so impossible you don't believe it. Nor does Louis' demise make sense. He should have been perfectly fine but the the film needed to end and so did he.
Really can't recommend watching this again.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)
Watchable trash
It's slick enough and the acting and look is fine.
No believability at any stage, meaning you always have that sense that none of the fight scenes or other elements could possibly be real. You know going in it won't be a great movie and I expected to switch it off halfway through but ended up watching it to the end. Feeling a little stupid for doing so but we just didn't hate it. So it's rubbish but well made rubbish. Amongst the many things you can't believe is that Japanese gangsters run around with samurai swords rather than glocks. Set up for a sequel which shouldn't get made but if it does - we won't bother.
Mammals (2022)
Ultimately unsatisfying
So we get to the end of the sixth episode and the big reveal is simply annoying. Motivation explained and instead of being complex and interesting it was boring and disappointing.
The series held me right through and I was intrigued until I wasn't. Avoiding spoilers here.
James Condon was very good and. Melia Kreiling every bit as desirable as you could possibly want. The Sally Hawkins tangent felt weird but I kind of liked it. If only, if only the ending hadn't been so boring.
There really was a story in here. The exotic beautiful woman who was clearly way out of the league of the stout, possibly but not actually bland man that she found attractive because of who he was instead of how he looked. But then . . . Oh well.
Avatar: The Way of Water (2022)
Amazing to look at - best viewed with the sound off . . .
These films, Avatar and the sequel are extraordinary to view. Well worth the price of admission . As was the case with the original the story and some of the dialogue is cringe making but we all knew that before going in. We also get the required explosions and gun play. What a movie it could have been with those elements removed!
Focussed in large part on the family of ex-earther Sully this plays like an episode of Ozzy and Harriet, right out of the 50s including the line of "We Sully's stick together". Ugghh. But forget about that. Just sit back and watch and get lost in the visual experience.
The best acting comes from Stephen Lang. Despite the cliches that plague his evil bad guy character he still manages to give a performance that really has something to it.
Perhaps the silliest thing is the necklaces glued to the chests of all the female characters. Those things never move so we are spared the horrific sight of an alien nipple which apparently would do bad things to us. But of course the dismembered arm and other violence is perfectly acceptable. I guess the censors also live in the 50s.
Even so - as I said - go see it. Just don't listen to it.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Couldn't finish it
I tried. Watched an hour even though I'd had enough after 40 minutes. I hung in there hoping I'd connect but it was so tedious I just couldn't keep going. It was hard to follow and hard to enjoy. It still had an hour to go when I bailed so maybe . . . But I just couldn't.
I suppose I should be more specific. There is a constant barrage of changing universes which is annoying. The characters aren't likeable although Michele Yeoh's character is tolerable. I got to a point where I didn't want to watch anymore. I don't know how it all got resolved and unfortunately I don't care. Maybe I'll try again but I doubt it.
The Prince of Thieves (1948)
Awful script with amateur theatrics
Totally unconvincing action scenes that border on being silly. Full of moments such as the bad guys falling over because a wall hanging almost dropped on top of them and strangely they can't get up. Nothing about this movie works. The plot is paper thin and it's hard to believe they paid money for the script. My favourite worst line being "ride you devils!" Robin to his band of not very merry men. I can't remember what happened after they rode. Not very much I think. The accents aren't English and the acting poor. No care was taken. A low bar was set and not met. Not sure why I rated this as highly as a 2.
Tenet (2020)
Totally Incomprehensible
You have to admire the technical skill that puts all this together and for that reason I had to rate it higher than the heading might suggest.
It looks good and is well made but . . . It is absolutely impossible to decipher what is going on and how it all works.
In the end we gave up trying to make sense of things. It seemed like it failed to maintain its internal logic but we stopped caring.
Even so - can't deny it was well made and Elizabeth Debicki is always worth watching. Kenneth Branagh on the other hand has played this role before and when he does it doesn't work.
The Shannara Chronicles (2016)
Strictly for teenagers
Terry Brooks has always been one of the lesser lights of fantasy writing so making a series from one of his books didn't seem like great idea but Shannaea isn't a complete waste of time. It's watchable. The part that palls is teenage angst about great love which they profess but isn't really believable.
Fight sequences are generally weak and Manu Bennett, who does a good job in Green Arrow, really struggles with this in a key role.
Not enough is made of the post apocalypse landscape and no explanation given as to why there are now elves and other races in what used to be the normal world.
All that aside it's all quite fun but oh so teenage and there comes that longing for the grownups to enter in and behave more sensibly and with fewer cliches.
The 2nd (2020)
Awful
Some seriously bad acting combined with bad stunts and cartoon characters. Absolutely no redeeming features.
Whatever you do don't watch this trash.
The Bureau of Magical Things (2018)
Extraordinarily Bad
Badly acted and badly scripted.
This falls under the "shoot me now" school televisión, where the viewer desperately wants to be stopped from seeing any more of this crap.
It is so bad I watched a second episode thinking it just had to get better. But it stuck to its guns and remained truly terrible.
You have been warned.
Maen Too Maen (2017)
Really Bad
Trawling Netflix and saw this so I thought I'd give it a go. It's awful. Not clever, not well acted and not well directed. Fails pretty much on every level. The plot was a little difficult to follow with some story line jumps that had me wondering if an advertisement had somehow inserted itself into the episode. In fact it was so confusing I kept watching just to see if some massive editing glitch had spliced a completely different show in. Mild spoiler here, at one point the hero, a rather effeminate looking super spy, is apparently blown up in his car. The suspense rates a zero as the clichéd and expected scene of him walking away before it blows is inserted shortly thereafter. What was really odd is that the girl, supposedly traumatised by his death, would have had no trouble seeing him walk away. But that is just a minor quibble. Overall the show is amateurish and uninteresting.
Arrival (2016)
Monumentally Stupid
I don't normally write reviews but after seeing so many reviews praising this ridiculous film I just had to say something. It is not a spoiler to say this is an alien contact film. I am an SF fan of 50 years standing. I have read thousands of SF books and seen most SF films. I am a fan. So when I see something as idiotic as this I leave the cinema full of regret at the wasted opportunity. It's hard to talk about the film without giving away key plot points so I'll be general. Amy Adams first attempts at communication are laughable. Let's just say the method used would never, ever be the first choice of anyone with half a brain. We also get the oft repeated cliché about certain aspects of the military. Perhaps it is true that the military are that stupid but I prefer to think not. Good acting cannot save silly ideas and the premise of this movie was just that. Silly. But worse the pseudo science was also dumb. The fundamental appeal of SF for me has always been ideas. The science doesn't have to be perfect but it has to be a little believable. This movie was not . . intelligent.
Thor (2011)
Looks great but in the end doesn't really deliver
The sets, special effects are just what you would expect form a major Hollywood movie. It looks great. In particular I loved the ice giants they were the best thing in the movie.
What I struggled with was a mythical god-like being, if not actually a god, who grins a lot, is rather polite and lacks all presence apart from his muscular development which on its own doesn't carry it. I don't think it is because Helmsworth can't act. But the fellow is meant to be Thor, that is THOR!!!!! Not someone who might ask if you want fries with that.
A little bit of grimness, perhaps a little bit of age might have helped. Shouldn't he be a few thousand years old at least? He does start off a bit rash but his big character change occurs, seemingly, because he had a single beer with a fellow of Scandinavian origin. Certainly there was nothing in the Natalie Portman relationship that engendered any interest of need to reassess his approach to life. In fact the gorgeous Natalie was rather irrelevant.
The Asgardians themselves were good whilst in Asgard but out of that context they looked rather ridiculous and with entirety of the Earth action all taking place in what looked like a back lot we really needed to get back to Asgard asap.
So yes it looks great (mostly) and there is plenty of action, if that's what you want but when it was finished I was not looking forward to the sequel. I really didn't care although if they bring back the frost giants I'd watch them. In fact secretly I was cheering for them all along. They had the menaces and gravitas that Thor lacked.
Law Abiding Citizen (2009)
A film with no redeeming features
I admit I knew little about this film before we went to see it, we were looking for somewhere to escape the 40 degree heat (celsius, 104 fahrenheit). I accept that I am most definitely not the target audience which is probably 18 year old boys but I still have to have a few words to say about this utter garbage.
The opening scene was extremely violent and frankly nauseating to watch. We nearly walked out then. However we crossed our fingers and stayed. It was obvious this was going to be a revenge movie but the common man trying to take on either the bad guys or the system might have been worth watching. But no. Gerard Butler turns out not to be you or me, no he's superman performing superhuman feats of total unbelievability accompanied by the regulation massive explosions etc.
Yes it has its little twist in the plot but that doesn't compensate for the complete moral vacuum that exists for every character and the story itself. There are no good guys here. No one you can cheer for because none of them have the slightest concept of how perverted their belief system is. This carries on through right to the end which is appalling for its complete surrender to violence as the ultimate solution. There is no intelligence at work here, it's entirely visceral.
In fact if you are into nihilism then this is the movie for you.
Chuka (1967)
It's got it's problems but I can't help myself, I still enjoyed it.
I'd love to have given this a higher vote than 6 but there are just enough corny, well okay bad scenes, that meant I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Fact is though that all the problems with the film for me were washed away with that one moment at the end of the film that brought it back from being below average to being rather satisfying.
I don't really care so much about historical accuracy. I doubt many people would watch this film with the idea that they are being educated about life in the west 150 years ago. The story is the key and I was quite able to accept most of it. The jarring moments are the ones where Rod Stewart can't carry off some really poor dialogue and some really bad, well, let me say, childish stuff where his character is putting across the tough guy persona that misses by a long way.
The vast majority of westerns that were made were pretty poor. They were churned out as fast as Zane Grey could write them. No wonder then that the really good ones made such an impact since they were such a shock compared to the usual dross.
I haven't actually watched this film for, oh 20 years or so, but I have never forgotten it and have thought on it often. It is a personal favorite in that way and if I can get a copy I will buy it.
It isn't a great film. It has many flaws. But ... I enjoyed it and would gladly watch it again.
Children of Men (2006)
Well made but rather pointless
I must admit to being really surprised by the the number of people who seem to think this is a fabulous movie.
How much doom and gloom do you really want to sit through? The action sequences were brilliantly handled and were thoroughly convincing. In contrast to the James Bond style of action which is entertaining but never engaging this film certainly makes you feel the brutality of violence even when delivered by guns rather than fists.
But all through the film I was constantly hitting the brick wall of "What is the point?" "Why am I sitting here?" I have never found Clive Owen to be particularly watchable. He always reminds me of Clint Walker. Competent but rather wooden. He possesses no particular cinematic appeal.
I am prepared to admit that I may well be in a minority by being someone who was not particularly entertained or enthralled with this picture. Especially since I felt exactly the same about Cuaron's other well known film Y tu mama tambien which I thought was quite a yawn.
No doubt the director is a skilled filmmaker but honestly if you are looking for a film to take your girlfriend to on Saturday night this is not one I'd recommend. The world it depicts is not a pleasant one and after you've endured all the depression it can deliver it simply leaves you with a shudder.
Ladder 49 (2004)
Every cliché' you never wanted to see again in one movie
This really is a cringe making exercise. Dressed up as a tribute to fire fighters it contain stupid scenes of "we're just a bunch of wacky guys" in the midst of the "my goodness this can be really dangerous" parts. Mostly it is just plain dumb. You couldn't believe for a single minute that real fire fighters act like this. It is so awful I couldn't bear to watch at times. If my daughter hadn't rented it and then insisted on seeing it through to the end I would have had no option but to turn it off.
Thing is I'm a John Travolta fan. Every interview of his I've seen just raises my opinion of him. I think this was one strictly for the money. I'm sure he'll be happy when this one gets forgotten.