Change Your Image
arsonistheway
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Man of Steel (2013)
Zack Snyder tries to make a Nolan movie.
Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Why would you team up Christopher Nolan, one of the greatest filmmakers alive, with a pretentious and incompetent Michael Bay clone like Zack Snyder. The characters are all bland and superman is a hypocrite. "I don't mind destroying all of these buildings full of people, but I'll cry like a little b*tch when I kill this genocidal maniac". Once again name a character with more than one personality trait. We are also treated to some nice anti eugenics propaganda which uses the old eugenics=Hitler argument basically. I know I am lingering on this, but Zodd is not three dimensional because his reasons for doing what he does are so weak. The film also like to throw random thought-provoking things at us. People on Krypton had no free will now go think about the nature of free will even though this has nothing to do with the plot. The conversations and flash backs which make up most of the movie are boring because the characters are too bland to care about. There are also a ton of plot holes. Please fanboys explain why Lois Lane was let on the ship. Product placement is everywhere and it is annoying and obvious. There is very little action in this movie, and the one good action scene we get is ruined by the idiotic decision to use shaky cam.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Better than the original, but a lot of things are
I used to think this movie was pretty good and the only reason it got so much hate was that it wasn't the same as the massively overrated original. I have since come to terms with the fact that this movie is bad. I will start by saying that there is a lot of mystery throughout the film making the viewer somewhat scared, but more confused than anything. The ending was also interesting because it left the interpretation up to the viewer. I also liked the confined and unique setting of the film. However the characters are just annoying and stupid teenage caricatures who don't have much to offer, so it is sort of hard to care about them. The film is also filled with plenty of pointless conversations between the characters which only serve to pad out the run time. Plus, like I said earlier between the occasional legitimate scares the viewer just feels confused which is more annoying than intriguing.
Laserblast (1978)
Do you like explosions?
This movie is definitely hard to talk about. There is some character development for the main character. It is terrible but better than nothing. There are a lot of cool scenes of this guy just firing a laser, and that is why you are here and why this movie is so enjoyable. The film also has an odd tendency to show every explosion from every possible angle. There are some cool looking aliens that are done with some nice practical effects. There are some long unsubbed dialogue scenes with the aliens but you are too busy enjoying the cool effect that you don't care and what they are saying is pretty easy to figure out. Most of the time you are just looking at the background to see something strange, laughing at how bad the film is, or waiting for the movie to show you something cool. I enjoyed it a lot, but if I would feel guilty if I gave it more than a five.
Maddo buru sâti-fô (1990)
good if you're into this stuff
If you like ultra violent '90s anime like I do this should be a good watch for you. I was actually one of those people who pre ordered this when discotek originally released the DVD. In terms of characters they are pretty bland. You have the by-the-books cop, the bad@$$ anti-hero cop, the tough chick, and a bunch of people you won't even remember. The best thing I can do now is break it down episode by episode. The first episode has some fun gore, a nice ghetto atmosphere, and parodies several action movies including the bond franchise, but the villain is lame. Episode 2 is probably the best because it has the same great atmosphere, gore that is even more awesome than the first episode, and a little bit of humor, but there is this stupid subplot about a dirty cop which is forgettable. The third episode is so bad it's hilarious. The animation is laughable and the most annoying and stupid character in the series is introduced, but like I said it is like an Ed Wood film. The fourth episode makes the horrible decision to play everything straight. There is some humor, but the gore and action are worse than ever. The main villain and her relationship with one of the cops could have been interesting if it was actually done well, but it wasn't. I enjoyed this series because the whole thing kept my attention and had some genuinely clever and fun moments, but I just can't bring myself to give it an average rating because of all of its flaws.
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)
Near perfect
Remember when vampires weren't the complete laughingstock of the film world because of "Twilight"? Neither do I because I am only 15 and wasn't around for that magical time. First I will mention a few of this film's flaws. The romance between the main villain and the woman he loves isn't really explained or developed that well and at the end I don't understand why D thinks he will still get the reward if he just takes the ring, but those are the only flaws I can remember about this film. The visuals are absolutely gorgeous, so if nothing else about this film works for you your eyes will be entertained from beginning to end. The action is absolutely spectacular. The fights are two-sided, have great suspense, a variety of cool attack and weapons, and are just nice to look at. The characters all have some sort of morals and reason for doing what they do as well as having human flaws which makes all of them very interesting. There are also several great tear jerking moments and this film doesn't insult its audience by making sure all of the good guys get out alive. One common complaint I have heard is that in the original manga the vampire hunters kept the female vampire hunter as a sex slave, but I thought that was a good change because this would probably make them generic terrible people and I genuinely enjoy their characters in this movie. If this was the best film ever, which it isn't, I would be okay with that because it just does so many thing so perfectly.
The Village (2004)
Some merit, but not much.
This was a film with a lot of potential, but it was just bogged down with problems. The music was a mixed bag because some of it was actually quite nice while other parts of the soundtrack were just cringe worthy. The acting is just bad even from some of the amazing actors this film received. It just felt like the film makers went with the first take and the actors weren't given enough time to get used to the style of speaking that was used in this film, although towards the end it seemed like some actors began to settle into their roles. The camera work was very competent and I really liked the look of the village. The characters had potential, but they weren't really given enough time to develop and they didn't really work off of each other very well. Nothing really scared me in the film because we never saw anyone actually get hurt, so the creatures never gave the illusion of being a threat. The motives of the elders and the way the society in the film works do bring up some interesting questions, but it just doesn't warrant an entire film being mad, and other films have touched on similar themes.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
Is "hipstery" a word
I hope "hipstery" is a word because that would be the perfect adjective to describe this film. I will say that the cinematography, acting, and the overall look of the film were nice, but that doesn't make it worth watching. Now I'm not going to pull out that stupid argument that the audience is made up of pedophiles because I know some decent people who like this film. First of all, this film does not take place in any sort of reality that is relatable because the people take several things way more seriously than any sane person would in real life, all of the characters do and say things that no human being does or says (no they are not just being quirky), and apparently shock therapy is considered acceptable in this world. Also, this film isn't funny. Wes Anderson was clearly going for that awkward sort of humor, but it doesn't work because that sort of humor has to be relatable and this film takes place on some other planet. A great example of this kind of humor working is in the series "Chobits". Yes, Wes Anderson could not making a film as relatable as a show about a horny college kid who finds a sexy humanoid computer on the side of the road. The characters are boring. Seriously name one character with more than one personality trait. The whole thing just felt like a test to see if anyone would be brave enough to stand up to the majority and call this thing out for the pretentious waste of time that it is.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
Boring
The only reason I sat through this whole movie is to find the answer to one question. Is Uwe Boll really that bad? By the way the answer is yes. While most people hate this guy he has developed a small audience of arrogant people who say "Everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon". While many people are probably just hating on him because everyone else does he really is that bad. The story is your typical run of the mill sword and sorcery thing. The land gets attacked by monsters and it is up to one guy to save it, and there is also some subplot about a king and his son and a bunch of other sh*t I can't remember, but I didn't care because none of it was at all interesting. The characters are just bland cardboard cut outs with very little personality and are just there to fill in their roles. The acting is bad even from the otherwise good actors mostly because they have nothing good to work with and they were clearly just here for the money. Now you may be saying "well yeah it's a sword and sorcery flick. what did you expect?" I love this sub genre even the cheesiest of entries, but the problem is this movie is boring. The whole thing is played straight and there are no laughs, and the main characters doesn't have the charisma to carry this film because all he does is brood and fight. The action is awful for a couple of reasons the editing moves too fast making everyone disoriented, the creature effects look horrible, and the fighting is totally one-sided so there is no suspense involved. This movie isn't even so bad it's good, and after watching it you just feel like you wasted your time.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Gimicky
Let me sum up the whole movie for you. Some kids go into the woods to shoot a documentary and they die. That is the whole movie. Now just because a movie has this plot does not mean it will be bad because most horror movies have fairly simplistic plots and I like good horror movies. I will get this out of the way right now, I am 15 and if you are going to be the d*ck head who will not take my review seriously simply based on my age just go away. First of all, this movie is not nearly as "innovative" as so many people say. Cannibal Holocaust, The Texas Chainsaw massacre, and every film from the Dogme '95 movement used this sort of camera work to give the films a realistic feel. The real brilliance came from the marketing campaign because at the time of the film's release many people believed that this was an actual documentary and IMDb even said that the actors were dead, so many moviegoers were obviously scared even before they went to the theaters. The main problem is actually that this feels too much like a realistic paranormal documentary because this means we don't get to know very much about the characters, so now that we know these aren't real people we don't have much reason to care about them. Finally my biggest gripe is that nothing happens. There are no scares until the end and the only build up we get are a few interesting (yes, I said something positive) interviews with the people of the town this takes place in, so we have very little reason to suspect that the Blair Witch is real. I realize that this was scary back in the day with all of the build up and I don't want to destroy your good memories or viewing experience if the effect still remains with you. I just want to explain that in all honesty this movie has aged poorly and is on my sh*t list.
The Matrix (1999)
Some good ideas, some bad ideas, and horribly executed
Now let me start out by saying I have seen two movies by the Wachowski brothers "The Matrix" and "Speed racer". While in my opinion these films were both bad I am still willing to give "Cloud Atlas" and "Bound" a chance, but the subject of this review is "The Matrix". Now I will start out by saying the acting is just okay. Keanu Reeves' puts his one talent, looking very confused, to work quite nicely, so I can't believe the original consideration for this role was Will Smith. The rest of the cast does okay, but they don't have much to work with. Seriously, name one personality trait of any character. It's difficult isn't it? By the way I don't mean what the character does I mean what are they like. Next, I am sure the action was cool at the time, but there actually isn't much action. The one good action scene was lifted straight from the movie "blade" and bullet time was actually invented by the brilliant director Yasuomi Umetsu, just watch "Kite" and you will know what I mean. Plus the bullet time doesn't make the action any more exciting it's just there to look cool. The philosophy is somewhat interesting until you learn that it was all basically lifted from the film "Ghost in the Shell". In fact now that I think about it everything in this movie is like "Ghost in the shell" the visuals, the story, the totalitarian, but somewhat Utopian society, all of it. I could go on about the countless plot holes and everything else that is wrong with this mess, but I'm done for today.
RV (2006)
I really hate this
I will keep this review brief because I really don't want to put more effort into this review than anyone who involved in the writing of this film. There are many people on this site saying "It's not as bad as everyone says," well they're right this movie is even worse than anybody could possibly describe. The premise itself is pretty lame. A family goes on a road trip because they can't go to Hawaii due to the family patriarch's work obligations. Eventually whatshisname bonds with his kids and learns some sort of valuable lesson. So, this is nothing we haven't seen before, but how well is it executed. Answer: horribly. The characters are the stereotypes of The workaholic father, the wife who has no personality to speak of, the insecure teenage son who tries to look like a bad@$$, the distant college-bound teenage daughter, and the pointless "whacky" family. The jokes are just a barrage of Robin Williams being a spazz,poop jokes, random "whackiness", and a bunch of idiocy I am sure I forgot to mention. There is also something about a small time soda company being bought out, but if you still want to see this movie I can't stop you.