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Nope (2022)
Second Half Makes Up for Slow Start
The first part of this movie is so slow as to be boring. I'm generally not one to complain about a slow pace if the elements are in place to make it work. 2001: A Space Odyssey is a masterpiece, for instance. But there's not enough going on in the first half of this movie to justify the pace. My wife literally fell asleep.
However, it eventually gets going and has an extremely enjoyable second half. The acting and direction are great, even for unlikable characters like the sister. The mystery is not what you expect at the beginning, and certainly not what the characters imagine they are facing. Nice ending.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch (2021)
For Kids
Not every kids' show is suitable for adults. This is one of them that is not.
I'm sure I would have enjoyed it when I was 10. But, as an adult, it's just too stupid. The cast of characters have the minds of children. The world follows the logic of a child. The dialogue is childish. The physics follows the understanding of a child.
All that might even be okay if the tone was different, but it feels like it wants me to take it seriously, which I can't do as an adult viewer.
This requirement of 600 characters really seems like a questionable decision. In the past I've marked many reviews as unhelpful simply because they were too long. This is too long.
Hamilton (2020)
Hated the Music
My wife and I tried to watch this. We could not.
I like historical films, and probably would've enjoyed this if it wasn't a musical. Honestly, if they were just saying the things they were singing, it would have been okay. But the music was so bad, and the presentation so ridiculous, that we turned it off after half an hour. It's too bad, I would've liked to see where it went, we just couldn't take it.
Apparently, this review needs to be 600 characters. I don't have anything else to say, though. I don't recall it needing to be so long. Maybe there's a greater requirement because the score is low?
Samaritan (2022)
Decent Now, Would've Loved it as a Kid
My wife and I enjoyed this movie watching in our 30's, although it wasn't amazing. However, it surely would have been amazing were I thirteen years old, like the star.
Stallone was good, although not everyone was. The general plot and setting were well-conceived. Just some of the details of the execution were a little lackluster.
The "twist" was the only logical conclusion by the time the intro was over, but I might not have seen that coming as a kid. Still, it didn't ruin the movie knowing things the characters didn't.
There's definitely some violence and swearing, so don't show it to your kids if they're too young or too sensitive. I was watching Terminator and Predator movies when I was five, so if that's your kid, this should be a hit.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Mostly Amazing
There were times when the human got a little too silly, and even gross. I could have done without the sausage fingers or the fight scene with the trophies, for instance.
If it weren't for those bits, this would have been a 10, but it took me out of the deep thoughts and major feels. My wife thought it was disgusting and wanted to stop watching a movie that she otherwise enjoyed.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Usual Disney Problems
This has the usual Disney problems with logic, common sense, and continuity, but still manages to be mostly entertaining. The 2nd and 3rd episodes are pretty bad, but if you can get through that you should enjoy the last couple.
The production quality is top notch, the acting is mostly good, the writing is bad.
Halo (2022)
Where's the Action?
I have spent hundreds if not thousands of hours playing Halo games. The Halo games have great action and set in an interesting sci-fi universe, with terrible dialog and stupid characters.
This show has great action set in an interesting sci-fi universe, with terrible dialog and stupid characters.
However, the game is 90% action, so it's good. This is 90% stupid characters saying terrible dialog, so it's not good.
Also, why do you keep taking your helmet off, MC? And, honestly, I didn't know it was even possible for that armor to come off.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Illogical but Entertaining
You're going to need to check your brain out more for this than the usual Marvel movie. There are many, many logical inconsistencies and nonsensical developments throughout the movie. It's obviously a Disney feature, where they care a lot more about how a scene or moment feels than they do about whether it makes any sense.
However, the fact that we're dealing with magic that follows an arbitrary set of rules unknow to the viewers helps lessen some of the frustration. This makes it easier to ignore some of the silliness and just enjoy the flow of the visuals and action. Which is good, because that stuff is quite entertaining.
Still, the feel-good moral ending is extremely weak. Even for a Disney feature centered around a young girl.
If you want to see some cool spells and fan service with lots of action scenes and beautiful art, go see it. If you want a logical treatment of alternate realities, magic, known characters, physics, rational motivations... or really anything, you might skip it.
The Book of Boba Fett (2021)
Would Be Better Without Disney
Uneven, but mostly pretty good. It seemed clear that the makers wanted a darker tone, and mostly have one, but they obviously had to make some concessions to family-friendly Disney.
Some stuff doesn't make sense and just follows the rule of cool, like the cyborgs in general and the pasty-skinned biker chick on the multi-sun desert planet in particular.
The final battle episode is just horrible. A continuous display of infantile tactics with poor decisions and worse marksmanship. Maybe the most disney-fied thing I've ever seen.
But, all the the stuff with the desert people is great. The main actor does a convincing job as Boba. The costumes, sets, and effects are all quality. The plot is mostly interesting until it kind of falls apart at the end. The Mandalorian episodes are nice.
Star Trek: Picard (2020)
Amazing First Season, but 2nd Season Trainwreck
The first season was absolutely fantastic. Some of the best TV in years. Probably the best individual season of any Star Trek show, and I've seen all of them (except for anything after the first couple episodes of STD season 2, just can't stomach it).
Then they handed off the showrunning, writing, and story editing duties to a completely new staff.
The 2nd season started pretty strong, but got worse with every episode, cratering by the end. Nonsensical time-travel plot (always Trek's weakest point), strange amount of blatantly political statements about current events, weird awkward moments that seem like attempts at comedy, uncomfortable character interactions, rambling speeches, lack of respect or understanding of canon, terrible tactics, long emotional speeches in the middle of emergencies... it's not good. I haven't decided if I'll even try watching the third season, but I'm leaning towards no.
Brightburn (2019)
What's the Point?
This movie was well executed, but it seems kind of pointless.
The effects and general production values are good. The acting is mostly good. It's all perfectly logical. But, there's no examination of the characters' motivations or the ethics involved, as you would get in a real Superman movie. He's just a monster that invades the planet.
So some people get killed and we all lose. Neither a happy ending nor an illuminating one.
Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
Ruined by a Terrible Ending
This movie was pretty good for most of the runtime, but it all came crashing down at the end. Any remaining suspension of disbelief is exhausted by the characters' survivability, and there's complete ambiguity over the main character's fate. Batman continues to disappoint with his irrational fear of finally defeating the Joker, and nobody's plans amount to anything. There are no results at all. If nothing had happened, it would have been the same.
As Batman himself says at the end "this doesn't change anything".
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)
Hinges on the Editing
I agree with almost everybody that some of the fights, especially near the end, have WAY too many cuts. That being said, this poor choice is executed with enough skill that it didn't really bother me. If you can't take the editing, you're not going to be able to enjoy the movie.
Other than that, I'd say that this is the best movie in the series since the first one. Some of those ones in the middle were only held together by Milla doing backflips while killing zombies, which never gets old, but this was actually a decent movie. It had a story. The characters had motivations. The acting wasn't half bad. I didn't laugh at any of the zombie monsters. The trip down the road to Raccoon City was great.
And it still has Milla doing backflips while killing zombies, which never gets old.
Dark (2017)
Utterly Disappointing Final Season
The first two seasons are unquestionably a 10. Some of the best television I have ever seen, and certainly the best time travel story I have ever seen. Specifically, I have never seen any movie or series so fully committed to a logically consistent interpretation of one particular conception of time travel and the effectiveness, or lack thereof, of trying to use it to change events.
However, the third season just takes a big ol' dump on all that. The cinematography, acting, set designs, and all that are just as good as the first two seasons, but the writing no longer makes sense. The strength of the show was logical consistency, and you can just throw that out the window by the end. It's all hand-waving and dramatic musical swells.
Still, despite the huge letdown at the end, I'll change my rating from the 10 I had down to a still very respectable 8. Worth watching, maybe I'll watch it again, but not the best thing ever.
Citizen USA: A 50 State Road Trip (2011)
Interesting Interviews
It's not only interesting, but often funny or inspiring, to hear what these new citizens have to say about their choice to become American citizens.
This is just a well-edited collection of interview answers by new citizens mixed with parts of their various induction ceremonies. There's no journalistic viewpoint being expressed, and of course this population is biased in favor of America. They wouldn't have chosen to become American citizens if they didn't like the country.
If you're looking for naysayers expressing an opposing, critical view of America, this isn't the place to find it, because these would be the wrong people to ask.
Sound of My Voice (2011)
Excessively Slow Setup for an Interesting Idea
This movie was okay. It's not fun or entertaining, but it's interesting and pretty well acted. It really should have been a 45-minute pilot for a series, not a movie twice that long.
The interesting idea could have been explained in a few minutes, so spending so long setting it up seemed overindulgent and a little boring.
It might be worth watching if you like slower movies that focus on acting and ideas, rather than entertainment or events.
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
Needed a Better Director
This movie was somewhat interesting visually, but it was boring, the script was unimpressive, and the acting and pacing were awful.
To be honest, I was unable to watch the whole thing. I sat through the first thirty minutes, and then skipped ahead watched a few minutes here and there. I just couldn't take it anymore. I may have walked out if I had been in a theater.
These are good actors, but I've seen better acting in a high school play. I don't know who to blame but the director. I understand that they were acting against a blue screen, but a good director should be able to explain their motivation and secure a performance with more emotion than a dead stick.
There were also simply too many moments when people who should have been experts acted like complete fools. Really Polly, you haven't figured out who the next scientist is? Really mercenary army, you didn't think to scramble the planes? Really Dex, you don't understand you can just write down the numbers and do the triangulation after the attack? And so on...
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Visually Creative But Contrived
I really think this was just an excuse to present a diverse cast of various Spider-People that have existed at one time or another without much effort at making it into a story. Still, it was fairly entertaining for what it was.
The animation was interesting and certainly creative. I generally liked the backgrounds a lot more than the actual characters. All the madness happening when the particle collider was running was neat.
It was humorous, with well written, timed, and delivered jokes.
But it wasn't particularly logical. In scene after scene, I was asking myself "why, and how is this happening?" Characters are constantly stopping in the middle of fights to have nonchalant conversations, and the villains just stand there and watch. In the climactic battle, the villain literally stops punching and just stands and stares at the hero for what could be a minute, waiting for the hero to recover and mount a final counterattack. Characters show up in places it makes no sense for them to be, with no explanation, just so they can emotionally affect some other character who sees them. The sequence of scenes seemed lazily put together, with little thought put into how one thing leads to another. I guess we are supposed to be distracted by the pretty colors.
Dark Phoenix (2019)
One of the Better X-Men Movies
I'm not sure where all these negative reviews are coming from. Most of them don't actually specify any problems. I guess people don't like Sophie Turner?
I thought this was pretty good. It was much, much better than Apocalypse in every way, which was probably the worst film in the franchise. There was an actual story with good acting and dialogue. The action sequences were great, as were the special effects. Especially the final showdown with the invaders: that was really well storyboarded and shot. Lots of novel action sequences with creative, kinetic interactions.
There wasn't any deep philosophy, my understanding of the universe wasn't expanded, and my life hasn't changed. It's not the best movie I've ever seen. But, I'll probably watch it again at least once. You should watch it too.
8/10
The Umbrella Academy (2019)
Kinda Bad
Nice production values, but it doesn't hold together.
The acting is fine. I'm not sure why people are complaining about Ellen Page. I thought she was good.
The problem is the writing, and I don't mean the dialog.
It doesn't make logical sense. The characters make senseless decisions without reexamination. Their conclusions don't match the available information. The events within scenes don't make sense. People should be dead and they're fine. Expert assassins fire wildly into a room, not even attempting to aim. An entire squad of soldiers can't hit someone running directly away from them down a bowling alley lane, even when the target slows down to look back. Not only do they miss, but the bullets hit the floor despite the fact that they are standing level with the target. Why are they shooting the ground? How is it possible for an expert to miss someone with a shotgun, repeatedly, from 30 feet away?
The characters don't make any meaningful progress. If they develop in one direction in one scene, they just go some other random direction in the next one. I would go into more detail about that, but it would involve a lot of spoilers.
Not worth your time.
Captain Marvel (2019)
Another Quality Marvel Movie
If you like the other marvel movies, you should like this one. If you don't, then you won't.
The effects and action are great, especially near the end. If you're a little underwhelmed with Danvers' power level early, don't worry, she's just as OP as she should be by the end.
The dialog, acting, and direction are all good. There's quite a bit of comedy in this movie. The audience I was with laughed out loud often.
The plot is mediocre. This is not unusual for a marvel movie, if we're being honest. It's an excuse to string together snappy dialog and fun scenes.
They took some liberties with the character, but Captain Marvel's origin story never made a lot of sense, anyway, so I didn't mind. It's just a flimsy excuse for her to be ridiculously powerful.
Star Trek: Discovery: Brother (2019)
Looks Pretty, Makes no Sense
I honestly don't think there was a single scene that made sense from beginning to end in this entire episode. Logic? What's logic?
It certainly looks pretty. I might watch another episode just to look at it. It would probably be more enjoyable if I mute it, though.
Just... I don't even know where to begin. The Enterprise is massively disabled by some vague incident that may be related to the vague signals. Let's not investigate that before charging ahead, let's just go. It is towed somewhere to be fixed by someone. So there are lots of ships nearby? Who's this engineer? Why did she come with? Is she the chief engineer? Why isn't she fixing her ship? The Discovery already has engineers. Does she know something useful? If so, why doesn't she say anything? Was that a picture of the whole galaxy with the red bursts spread around it? It takes years to get around just one quadrant. That's why the Enterprise was on a 5-year mission. So we're like two hours from the one burst that stayed on? Why did we come out of warp a kilometer from this thing, surrounded by debris? Let's not quantify risks, but just charge in cause we're manly, and because Michael can do anything. Why does the Discovery conveniently have incredible pods? Again, if you're going to put your show in an existing universe, in a period that's already been explored, have some respect for the source material. Why do those pods have some crazy tubular launching mechanism? If you're on autopilot, why is the science officer doing his own custom calculations? Calculations? Of what? Why does nobody listen to Pike? Why does nobody care when the science officer dies? How can Pike's pod fly on a straight line for three minutes without hitting anything when he loses control? Why does the deceleration of stopping from extreme speeds not harm Michael and Pike? How has the engineer survived for ten months with only injured crew members on a wrecked ship? Why did she feel the need to create hovering robots? Why didn't they use the pattern buffers to beam out Michael as soon as the pad went down? Why did they need to send Pike back before beaming her out? Why isn't the rock stuck in her leg a sample for Tilly? Why do they have to capture THIS random piece of huge asteroid, and not any of the other million pieces floating around? Why does Pike say his mission is complete, when they still don't know anything about the signals? Why does Pike encourage Michael to snoop around in Spock's room? Why does Michael think it is okay to listen to Spock's personal logs? Why was Michael taken to Vulcan as an orphan instead of Earth? Why is Spock a little jerk?
I feel like I could keep going.
This was trash. There was no thought put into any of these scenes. How can they spend untold wads of cash on these amazing visuals, but not have someone with a shred of logic in their brains even give the script a once-over?
Three Days of the Condor (1975)
Well Done But Pointless
This was a well made film with good acting and cinematography. It had an aura of realism and authenticity which you find in the best movies. If you only care about the craft of film-making, then go ahead and watch it.
I like a film with an interesting plot that makes you think, and this wasn't it. After all the build-up and tension, there wasn't really any payoff. Nothing happens. None of the characters really learn a lesson, nothing changes in the world, I didn't learn anything about my world, my views are all the same, there's no real moral, we don't even get a solid conclusion because we don't know if the hero's plan works out, and his adversary just thinks he's a fool.
I will not watch again, and I would suggest that you don't waste your time unless you have some specific interest in the body of work of someone involved.
Another Earth (2011)
Science Fiction is About Philosophy, Not Lasers
This movie was great. I was enthralled the whole time.
These are believable characters experiencing extreme real-life events in a surreal situation that is just like normal life, but with one thing changed. This one thing allows them to actually experience things that were previously just philosophical thought experiments.
That's Science Fiction.
It makes you think, it makes the characters think, and it leads to interesting choices and complex human relationships.
That's a good movie.
Barton Fink (1991)
More of a Painting than a Movie
I love the Coen Brothers, so I thought I'd see this early work.
It was a bit underwhelming. The acting is great, the sets are great, there are some great scenes, but there's no rug to tie it all together. Barton is a wimp who has terrible things happen to him because he makes either poor decisions or no decisions at all. Everyone else is a terrible person or unimportant. There are funny bits, but mostly just slow examination of characters that aren't that complex. It almost seems like it's going to come together near the end when Goodman's character reveals himself, but it just sort of trails off and ends pointlessly.
Later Coen brothers movies do everything this does, but better.