benjaminKdavolls Reviews

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)

Blink and you might miss it !

[18 August 2003]

Overall a rather fun movie to be seen when its raining and you wish Sleepy Hollow was on TV. Nice dark period sets, but too pacy. What's the point of throwing three fight scenes all at once? I couldn't remember who was fighting who and for what reason ! This movie should of been re-loaded, i.e they should of made one two and three all at the same time, so that the "Nautilus" action toy could be on kiddies Christmas lists across the world....

Sean Connery was pretty good as Alan Quatermaine, but I think the whole film felt a little rushed. I would of liked to see a little background on these crazy characters exploits. Maybe that could be number 2 ?

Razor Blade Smile (1998)

Razor Blade please (For my wrists)

[27 May 2003]

This movie sucked worse than the vampires in it. It tries to be edgy and cool, with a whole heap of swearing and violence, but the poorly cast (ugly) actors and apalling script really let it down. One of the saving graces is some of the special effects, that show the world what can be done with a few tins of red paint and some lighter fluid.

There is one "lesbian" scene that almost turned my stomach, and the leading lady only looks good for about 3 seconds (and thats when she is being banged like there is no tomorrow in a sex scene). What was the matter with the wardrobe people ? Why would a vampire want to have everything on display from tight leather and PVC, and then have flat shoes ? Has the world gone mad ??

Overall I would give this film 1/10, and thats only because it has a PCP using policeman in it (Actually, that scene is pretty funny).

It has a college move feel to it, so avoid it like a graveyard on all hallows eve.

Excalibur (1981)

THE King Arthur story

[18 May 2003]

This is a great film. A true masterpiece. It uses the fantastic myth of King Arthur, Merlin, and Excalibur (The Sword of Power) with some gorgeous scenery and an excellent supporting cast to create what is good about the idea of Olde England (Cornwall really but...ahem...). Without giving too much away to someone that hasnt seen the film, there is honour, loyalty, trust, anger and betrayal. There is no greater wound than one to the soul, and this is conveyed really well with some great acting and terrific direction. The film starts in almost Gothic tones, and swiftly becomes a little "Wizard of Oz" with the history book being slightly altered, but the fight scenes and battles beat Braveheart any day. 8/10 for this movie from me.

Mr. Deeds (2002)

Just call me Deeds

[22 April 2003]

Mr. Deeds is a great movie. It really was a slap me up and down laugh around the clock movie. Winnona Rider (A gorgeous bit of fluff) is a bit wooden, but the rest of the Sandler cast and crew (Especially ole crazy eyes) make this movie a deffinite DVD collection addition.

What should that old timer do about his knee too ?

Slackers (2002)

Exams. Argh!. Cheat. Cool. Blackmail. Bad. Find Love. Good

[31 March 2003]

Jesus guy ! C'mon !!! this film is not War and Peace ! Do you rent Robocop thinking its going to be about the Russian Revolution ? No. Slackers is about a bunch of Slackers. They do everything they can to avoid getting kicked out of school whilst doing no work. That's it. the plot has landed.

Everything else is reasonably watchable. The evil dude (I cant remember his name, but he is "cool") is a real sicko, and the hero's of the piece aren't exactly likable, but you do kind of feel for them.

I would give this movie 6/10 (for effort mainly)

<Plus the scene with the old hooker in Hospital is a real good one. It made me cringe !!>

The Guru (2002)

Open up your rose petal !!

[26 March 2003]

A Tongue in cheek look at Guruism and all that jazz, "the Guru" is an enjoyable night in for most of the family.

I think the reviewer above is a little harsh on this film. You cant expect deep and meaningful stuff in what is essentially a crossover movie, mixing Bollywood, Comedy, Musical, and the Graduate.

I thought some of the incidental gags were the funnier (reaction shots etc) and Heather Graham is nice as the tart with a heart.

Overall I wouldn't recommend buying this movie, but I would say it was a good laugh.

The Ring (2002)

JHC

[9/10 · 14 March 2003]

This Movie Rocks!!!.

I am no film buff. I did not know until after the movie that it has something to do with Japan. But JHC I was scared. I was literally riveted to my seat and I am a 26 year old man !

Wow !! Some of the scenes were really grim and grey. Great atmospherics. It always seems to rain in Ring Land tho. What a sad sad story !

9 out of ten for horror !!!

Black Hawk Down (2001)

Just a few corrections **Contains Spoiler - ish**

[17 February 2003]

Hi,

The Rangers and Delta Force that dropped in to the "Mog" were doing so without the approval of the UN, so it was always bound to be a little "covert". Throw Delta force into the mix and you get something that is on a need to know basis really (As they are not officially a US unit (I think) that the Government wants to admit too funding).

The mission was to last under four hours, and the teams hadn't really seen any action before in Mogadishu. They had run a few missions and this particular one was to capture some of General Adid's top lieutenants. General Adid was a nasty man, that used Famine as a weapon against the people of Mogadishu, tin an attempt to get his clan into power. They were unable to capture Adid himself as he moved around (No network of Bunkers or Caves here....)

Basically this movie details the mission and the next 24 or so hours. There are some great performances from all of the all male crew, some old some new faces, and a lot of hot lead flying around.

****Spoiler**********

Check the bit with the artery going back up into the leg. It still freaks me out thinking about it now.

Eurgh........

Love and a Bullet (2002)

Interesting (Contains Spoilers)

[14 February 2003]

Love and a Bullet seems to be the template for the "Hitman" games on the PC, but hastily made. There were rag-tage elements of lots of different movies in this one, and the main character "Bishop" was probably one of the most irritating gantas's I have ever seen on the screen **Spoiler - Notice how satisfying it would be to bust a cap in his ass, when he is trying to get together with the government Spook)

MEGA SPOILER MEGA SPOILER MEGA SPOILER MEGA SPOILER MEGA SPOILER MEGA SPOILER

The last bit of the movie was pretty unreal. Like the last review I had just sat down with something you cant buy in the shops, and it all made bad sense but sense all the same until the end, where it came together like bad manga. The kung-fu guy was high kicking, the gun guy wanted a duel, and the crazy guy was crazy.

This film is an ok rental, but I would hate to get it as a Christmas present !!

A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989)

Nightmare on your TV

[4/10 · 23 January 2003]

OK, For Christmas I got the Freddy Box Set on DVD. Cool I thought. I haven't seen any of these in a while. The one I watched yesterday was this one. Talk about confused. I can imagine the executives faces when they got the call.

"John, its Peter" "Hi John" "Were gonna make another Freddy movie, and we need a plot" "Peter, for gods sake, we got on ok without on in the last three!"

And so it begins.

Some of the scenes had my mouth literally hanging open in surprise at how the producers thought we would just lap it up. Its a little gorier than 3 & 4, but lacks the punch of 1 or 2.

If you have seen the others and need this one to finish the set, then go for it. If you are a newbie to the Freddy thang, then catch them in the right order otherwise this one will leave you confused and a little sad that you didn't rent out "The Thing" instead.

The Thing (1982)

The Thing

[23 January 2003]

Quite simply, in my opinion is the best movie ever made. I agree it doesn't have any women in it, but you can literally taste the men's lust for life, and fear of death (unlike most of the other films ever made, I felt a genuine affinity with the characters). The special effects still make me squirm, and the script is as it should be - Simple, and Effective.

This Film is pretty bleak, but as in Life, the only true certainty is death.