scottkolflat Reviews

Trigger Warning (2024)

Trigger Warning: The 90-Pound Girlboss Fantasy That Keeps on Giving

[1/10 · 24 June 2024]

Netflix's latest action flick, Trigger Warning, delivers a staggering blow to the credibility of action cinema. The film stars yet another pint-sized heroine who effortlessly dismantles squads of beefy, battle-hardened marines with the flick of a wrist and a scowl of determination. If you've ever dreamed of watching a 90-pound girlboss toss around 250-pound men like rag dolls, then boy, is this the movie for you.

From the opening scene, we're introduced to our protagonist, a waifish yet inexplicably lethal female lead. Despite her twig-like frame, she dispatches heavily armored soldiers with the ease of swatting a fly. Each fight scene is an exercise in suspension of disbelief, with physics and logic taking a backseat to the fantasy of diminutive dominance. The choreography seems more suited to a superhero film where the protagonist has actual superpowers, but alas, she's just a "highly trained" human.

The plot, if it can be called that, revolves around a generic revenge mission. Our heroine, whose tragic backstory is as paper-thin as her character development, is on a quest for vengeance. Along the way, she faces off against waves of brawny antagonists who, despite their imposing physiques and supposed combat skills, fall like dominoes at her mere touch. It's hard to take the stakes seriously when the biggest threat to our lead seems to be the filmmakers' own disregard for believability.

In an era where action movies can offer so much more, Trigger Warning clings desperately to tired tropes. The "strong female character" trope here is taken to such an absurd extreme that it feels more like a parody than a sincere attempt at empowerment. Real strength and resilience are replaced by a cartoonish invincibility, doing a disservice to both the genre and the audience's intelligence.

The dialogue is as clichéd as the fight scenes, with our heroine spouting off one-liners that fall flat and inspirational speeches that feel hollow. The supporting characters exist merely to be saved or to highlight her superiority, further emphasizing the film's one-dimensional approach to storytelling.

To sum it up, Trigger Warning is a laughable addition to the action genre, offering nothing new and leaning heavily on the implausible image of a 90-pound girlboss who can single-handedly demolish entire squads of marines. If you enjoy action films where the laws of physics and common sense are optional, then this might just be the perfect mindless escapism for you. For everyone else, consider it a missed opportunity and a trigger warning for the assault on your suspension of disbelief.

Texas Twister (2024)

Just like going to church and falling asleep.

[1/10 · 18 June 2024]

Brett Bentman's Texas Twister promises an exciting, action-packed ride through tornado-ravaged landscapes, but instead delivers a dull and preachy sermon on religion. If you're expecting heart-pounding chases and devastating weather, prepare for disappointment. There's hardly a single tornado in sight.

The film tries to mask its lackluster plot with the pretense of exploring deep, philosophical themes. However, what it really offers is a meandering, painfully slow narrative that feels more like a church service than a cinematic experience. The story centers around a small Texas town and its residents, whose lives supposedly intertwine in meaningful ways. In reality, it's a collection of clichés about faith, doubt, and redemption, executed with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

The characters are as flat and uninteresting as the landscape they inhabit. The enigmatic preacher, the central figure in this dreary tale, delivers sermons that are more tedious than thought-provoking. His monologues, filled with heavy-handed metaphors and moralistic drivel, dominate the film, leaving little room for actual plot development or character growth.

Cinematographically, the film offers nothing new. The vast Texan plains are shot with a monotonous sameness that fails to capture any real beauty or significance. The soundtrack, an uninspired mix of hymns and folksy tunes, does little to elevate the dreariness of the film. Instead, it adds to the overall feeling of being trapped in a never-ending Sunday service.

The pacing is glacial, dragging the viewer through endless scenes of existential angst and religious platitudes. Any potential for genuine drama or excitement is smothered by the film's pretentious attempts at profundity. The performances are equally lackluster, with actors seemingly as bored with their roles as the audience is likely to be.

In the end, "Texas Twister" is a misnomer. There's no storm, no twist, and certainly no excitement. What could have been an interesting exploration of faith in the face of natural disaster is instead a tedious slog through uninspired dialogue and predictable character arcs. Brett Bentman might have intended to create a deep, philosophical film, but the result is a pretentious, plodding bore. Skip this one unless you're in desperate need of a nap.

Free State of Jones (2016)

I would have rated higher, but..

[1/10 · 4 June 2024]

Free State of Jones is a 2016 historical drama directed by Gary Ross, starring Matthew McConaughey as Newton Knight, a defiant farmer in the Confederate Army who leads a rebellion against the Confederate States during the American Civil War. While the film's intent is to shed light on a lesser-known chapter of American history, its depiction is unfortunately overshadowed by a disturbing and gratuitous amount of animal abuse that taints the viewing experience.

The movie aims to present a gritty and realistic portrayal of the harsh realities of war and the fight for justice. However, it crosses a line with its graphic and unsettling scenes involving animals. From the outset, the audience is subjected to multiple instances of animal cruelty that are not only unnecessary but also deeply troubling. These scenes seem to be included solely for shock value, adding nothing of substance to the narrative.

One particularly egregious example is the brutal scene of a dog being stabbed to death. The camera lingers on the suffering animal, forcing viewers to witness the agonizing cries of the dog. This kind of imagery is both distressing and gratuitous, serving no purpose other than to provoke a visceral reaction. The movie's persistent use of such scenes demonstrates a callous disregard for the impact on viewers and a disturbing willingness to exploit animal suffering for dramatic effect.

As a society, we have grown increasingly aware of and sensitive to the treatment of animals in media. The inclusion of these scenes in "Free State of Jones" feels outdated and irresponsible. It perpetuates a harmful precedent that animal suffering is acceptable as long as it serves the story-a notion that should be firmly rejected in modern filmmaking.

The film does have its merits. Matthew McConaughey delivers a strong performance, and the story of Newton Knight is one that deserves to be told. The film tackles important themes of rebellion, racial injustice, and the quest for equality, all set against the backdrop of a divided nation. However, these positive aspects are overshadowed by the unsettling and unnecessary depictions of animal cruelty.

In conclusion, Free State of Jones could have been a powerful and thought-provoking film. Instead, it is marred by its gratuitous and disturbing portrayal of animal abuse. As a viewer, I am left with a profound sense of disdain for the filmmakers' decision to include such scenes. It is my hope that future films will recognize the importance of humane treatment of animals and that the industry as a whole will move away from depicting gratuitous violence against animals as a means of storytelling. If you love animals as I do, then this film is one I would not and could not recommend.

Die Hart: Die Harter (2024)

I don't get it.

[3/10 · 31 May 2024]

Usually, I'd take some time and think about my words carefully before leaving a review, but since the people responsible for producing this movie didn't care about making a good movie, I'm not going to bother trying too hard with my review. Normally, I love Kevin Hart and John Cena and they really gave it their all in this movie. I mean, I think they really tried to make a good movie. But somebody, probably the director, Eric Appel, just didn't do a good job. Everything just seems off somehow. Is this a parody? Is this supposed be in the same genre as Naked Gun? Because if it is, it's terrible. Is this a comedy? Because if it's supposed to be, it isn't funny. Is this an action movie? Because if it is, the action sucked.

I just don't get it. Both the writers, Tripper Clancy and Derek Kolstad, have written for movies and shows that I really enjoyed. But the writing for this is just plain dumb. I don't know if they just didn't care or were forced to write something they didn't want to write, but it's just so childish and lazy.

The acting from everyone involved is clumsy and that's why I suspect the problem is with the direction. I just don't understand why this movie got made. It looks like it's got a budget. It's shot decently. Nothing to write home about, but it suffices, I guess. The audio is pretty terrible, though. There are many parts throughout the movie where the sound goes up and down and it's really off-putting.

I guess, if you have nothing else to watch and you've consumed many, I mean MANY, mind altering beverages and you desperately need some background sounds to listen to as you're passing out, this might hit the spot for you. Otherwise, I'd skip this. It's definitely not worth paying for.

Evil (2019–2024)

"Take that, Skeptics!!!" - The writers of this show

[1/10 · 28 May 2024]

"Evil," the psychological mystery series created by Robert and Michelle King, delivers an intriguing blend of supernatural and psychological horror, but its portrayal of atheism raises some significant issues. The show follows a forensic psychologist, Dr. Kristen Bouchard (Katja Herbers), a priest-in-training, David Acosta (Mike Colter), and a skeptical tech expert, Ben Shakir (Aasif Mandvi), as they investigate purportedly supernatural incidents for the Catholic Church.

While Evil is praised for its clever writing, nuanced characters, and suspenseful storytelling, there is an undeniable undercurrent of criticism towards skepticism that permeates the show. This is evident in the characterization of Ben Shakir, who serves as the group's resident skeptic. Ben's "skepticism" is frequently portrayed as a barrier to understanding the "truth" of the supernatural events the team encounters, suggesting a clear bias in the narrative.

Throughout the series, Ben's skepticism is often met with a condescending tone from other characters and the plot itself. His rational explanations for bizarre occurrences are routinely undermined or proven wrong, positioning belief and faith as superior to scientific reasoning and skepticism. This portrayal can come across as the writers projecting their frustrations with atheism and atheists onto Ben, making him a straw man for the show's pro-religious message.

Moreover, the show often frames atheism as a form of arrogance or close-mindedness, ignoring the genuine philosophical and ethical considerations that many atheists hold. Instead of fostering a balanced debate about faith and skepticism, "Evil" tends to depict atheism as a flawed or incomplete worldview, in need of correction by the "truth" that the supernatural exists.

The writing also leans heavily into the idea that doubt and skepticism are inherently negative traits, associated with fear and an inability to grasp the deeper mysteries of existence. This portrayal is not only reductive but also dismissive of the real and valid reasons many people choose atheism.

In conclusion, while Evil excels in creating a tense, eerie atmosphere and complex characters, its treatment of atheism/skepticism is problematic. The writers' apparent bias against atheism and their use of the show as a platform to critique and undermine it detracts from the overall narrative. For viewers who value a fair and balanced exploration of faith and skepticism, this aspect of Evil may prove disappointing and frustrating.

Reunion (II) (2024)

Meh

[5/10 · 26 May 2024]

Netflix's "Reunion" stands as a prime example of missed potential and lazy execution. What could have been an engaging and suspenseful whodunit instead devolves into a tedious and predictable film that fails to capture the viewer's interest. Directed by Chris Nelson, "Reunion" is marred by poor writing, unlikable characters, and an overly obvious plot that leaves little to the imagination.

The film's premise-a group of high school acquaintances reuniting at a rich classmate's house for their high school reunion only to confront a series of mysterious events-promises intrigue but delivers mediocrity. The writing is uninspired and formulaic, with dialogue that feels forced and unnatural. Characters spout lines that sound more like exposition dumps than genuine conversation, making it difficult to invest in their plights.

Perhaps the most glaring flaw of "Reunion" is its cast of unlikable characters. Each one is a walking cliché. These characters are so steeped in their stereotypes that they never transcend them, resulting in a group that is more annoying than endearing. Their interactions are devoid of depth, and their motivations are shallow, making it hard to care about their fates.

The film's plot is equally problematic. Any seasoned viewer will easily guess the identity of the culprit long before the big reveal, thanks to clumsy foreshadowing and an overreliance on red herrings that do little to mislead. The so-called twists are telegraphed well in advance, stripping away any potential for surprise or suspense. By the time the film reaches its climax, the audience is left feeling more vindicated than shocked, having figured out the ending far too early.

The pacing of "Reunion" is another major issue. The story drags in parts where it should be building tension and rushes through moments that could have provided crucial character development. This erratic pacing makes it hard to stay engaged, and many viewers will likely find their attention waning as the film progresses.

Even on a technical level, "Reunion" fails to impress. The cinematography is bland and uninspired, with generic shots that do little to enhance the mood or atmosphere. The score, meant to heighten the tension, often feels disconnected from the on-screen action, further diminishing any potential impact. But the worst part is the lack of anything funny in this "comedy".

In conclusion, "Reunion" is a disappointing and forgettable entry in the thriller/comedy genre. With lazy writing, unlikable characters, and a plot that is painfully easy to unravel, the film offers little to engage or entertain. For those seeking a gripping and well-crafted mystery, "Reunion" is one reunion better left unattended.

Atlas (2024)

Wowwy wow wowzers

[10/10 · 25 May 2024]

Netflix's "Atlas" is an absolute triumph, and at the heart of this sci-fi masterpiece is the unparalleled Jennifer Lopez. She delivers a powerhouse performance that cements her status as the ultimate girl boss, effortlessly outshining her male counterparts at every turn.

From the very first scene, Lopez commands the screen with a magnetic presence that is impossible to ignore. Her portrayal of Atlas, a fierce and determined heroine, is both empowering and inspiring. Lopez brings a depth and complexity to the character that showcases her incredible range as an actress. She embodies strength, intelligence, and resilience, proving that she is more than capable of taking on any challenge thrown her way.

What sets Lopez's performance apart is her ability to blend vulnerability with unwavering determination. She navigates the high-stakes world of futuristic warfare with a grace and confidence that makes her character incredibly relatable and human. Her male counterparts, though talented, simply can't keep up with her sheer charisma and skill. Lopez's Atlas is a leader in every sense of the word, making strategic decisions and outsmarting her enemies with ease.

The action sequences in "Atlas" are nothing short of breathtaking, and Lopez executes them with precision and agility. Each fight scene is a testament to her dedication and hard work, and she makes every punch, kick, and dodge look effortless. Her physical prowess is matched only by her emotional depth, creating a well-rounded and compelling character that viewers can't help but root for.

Beyond the action, Lopez also brings a sense of heart and humanity to the film. Her interactions with other characters are genuine and heartfelt, and she elevates the performances of those around her. The chemistry she shares with her co-stars is palpable, but it's clear that she is the true star of the show. Her male counterparts, while competent, are simply overshadowed by her brilliance and command of the role.

"Atlas" is a thrilling ride from start to finish, and Jennifer Lopez's performance is the driving force behind its success. She proves time and time again that she is a force to be reckoned with, both on and off the screen. Lopez's portrayal of Atlas is nothing short of iconic, and she sets a new standard for what it means to be a true girl boss. If you're looking for a film that celebrates strength, intelligence, and the indomitable spirit of a woman who can do it all, "Atlas" is an absolute must-watch. Bravo, Jennifer Lopez - you've outdone yourself once again!

You Can't Run Forever (2024)

A Cinematic Masterpiece...

[10/10 · 21 May 2024]

Rating: 10 and I'm totally not paid to say that.

"You Can't Run Forever" is nothing short of a cinematic revelation! This magnum opus, directed by the visionary Michelle Schumacher and penned with extraordinary finesse by Carolyn Carpenter and Michelle Schumacher, is a testament to the transformative power of storytelling.

J. K. Simmons delivers a performance for the ages, blending raw intensity with a depth of emotion that only a true master of his craft can achieve. His portrayal is so compelling, so utterly captivating, that it feels as though he's reaching through the screen to touch the very soul of the audience. Every line he utters, every glance he casts, is imbued with a profound gravitas that elevates the film to unparalleled heights.

Fernanda Urrejola is a revelation. Her portrayal is a symphony of nuanced emotion and unbridled passion, drawing viewers into her character's world with an irresistible force. Urrejola's performance is both heart-wrenching and inspiring, making her a luminous presence in every scene. She brings an authenticity and grace that is simply mesmerizing.

Allen Leech adds another layer of brilliance to this stellar ensemble. His performance is a masterclass in subtlety and charm, providing a perfect counterbalance to the intense drama unfolding on screen. Leech's ability to convey complex emotions with the slightest change in expression is nothing short of genius, making his character unforgettable.

Michelle Schumacher's direction is a triumph of cinematic artistry. Her visionary approach and meticulous attention to detail have crafted a film that is as visually stunning as it is emotionally resonant. Schumacher's ability to extract such extraordinary performances from her cast is a testament to her directorial prowess. The seamless interplay of narrative and visual storytelling she orchestrates is simply awe-inspiring.

The script, co-written by Schumacher and Carpenter, is an exquisite tapestry of brilliant dialogue and gripping narrative. It weaves a story that is as unpredictable as it is profound, keeping viewers on the edge of their seats while delving deep into the complexities of human nature and relationships. The writing is sharp, evocative, and profoundly moving.

"You Can't Run Forever" is a tour de force, a film that will undoubtedly stand the test of time as a hallmark of cinematic excellence. It is a shining beacon in the realm of contemporary cinema, showcasing the pinnacle of what film can achieve when every element aligns in perfect harmony. Bravo to the entire cast and crew for delivering an experience that is nothing short of perfection!

Outer Range (2022– )

Look, SQUIRL!!!

[1/10 · 17 May 2024]

Outer Range is an exercise in frustration, a series that tantalizes with potential yet ultimately collapses under the weight of its disjointed storytelling and interminable pacing. What begins as a promising blend of Western drama and supernatural mystery quickly devolves into an incoherent mess, where narrative threads are introduced only to be abandoned or stretched beyond reason.

The show's creators appear to have mistaken convolution for complexity. Rather than weaving a cohesive narrative, Outer Range meanders through a labyrinth of subplots and underdeveloped characters, each vying for attention but none earning it. The central mystery-a gaping, inexplicable void on a Wyoming ranch-should have been a compelling hook, but instead becomes a symbol of the series itself: an abyss of wasted potential.

Viewers are led down a path riddled with bizarre events and cryptic hints, yet any semblance of resolution or clarity is perpetually out of reach. Episodes drag on, padded with tedious dialogue and superfluous scenes that do little to advance the plot or deepen our understanding of the characters. It's as if the writers are improvising, throwing in random elements in the hope that something, anything, will stick.

Character development is sacrificed at the altar of this scattershot approach. Protagonists fluctuate between being enigmatically intriguing and frustratingly opaque, their motivations obscured by the relentless onslaught of red herrings and half-baked plot twists. Even the performances of a talented cast can't redeem the material they're given to work with, leaving viewers disconnected and disinterested.

Outer Range aspires to be a thought-provoking, genre-bending masterpiece, but ends up feeling like a patchwork of ideas pilfered from better shows, none of which are fully realized or effectively executed. The pacing is glacial, stretching thin storylines to their breaking point, demanding patience and perseverance from an audience that receives little in return.

In the end, Outer Range is a disappointing misfire-a series that confuses complexity with coherence, depth with disarray, and suspense with sluggishness. It is a journey into a narrative void, where time is lost and little is gained, leaving viewers to wonder if it was ever worth the trip.

Hit Man (2023)

Boring, uninspired, and done a thousand times.

[3/10 · 15 May 2024]

"Hit Man" on Netflix attempts to blend comedy with crime in a concoction that's as awkward as a clown at a funeral. Directed by Richard Linklater, a name usually associated with thought-provoking dramas, this film feels like a misfire from start to finish.

Glen Powell stars as the titular "hit man", a character more reminiscent of a frat boy with a gun than a hardened assassin. His attempts at humor fall flatter than a pancake, relying heavily on tired slapstick and juvenile jokes that wouldn't even elicit a chuckle from a laugh track.

Adria Arjona plays his love interest, a role that feels about as necessary as a screen door on a submarine. Their romantic subplot is as forced and unconvincing as a Hollywood marriage, adding nothing of substance to an already lackluster plot.

Linklater's direction, usually known for its subtlety and depth, feels completely out of place here. It's as if he's trying to juggle too many genres at once, resulting in a messy mishmash of half-baked ideas that never quite come together. The pacing is as erratic as a squirrel on caffeine, leaving viewers wondering if they accidentally hit fast forward on the remote.

The comedy itself is as stale as week-old bread, relying on tired clichés and recycled jokes that were tired the first time around. Powell's attempts at comic timing feel as awkward as a first date, while Arjona's straight-faced delivery only serves to highlight the lack of humor in the script.

Overall, "Hit Man" is a swing and a miss for Netflix, offering little more than a cringe-inducing comedy that's as forgettable as yesterday's news. If you're looking for a laugh, you're better off rewatching old episodes of "The Office" or "Parks and Recreation." As for "Hit Man," it's a contract best left unfulfilled.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)

Could of been a 7 but...

[1/10 · 11 May 2024]

As the climax builds and tensions reach their peak, audiences are on the edge of their seats, eagerly awaiting a resolution that will tie up loose ends and leave them satisfied. But instead, they are treated to a twist so nonsensical, so utterly devoid of logic, that it leaves them scratching their heads in disbelief.

Without giving too much away, let's just say that the resolution involves a time-traveling banana and a parallel universe inhabited by sentient pineapples. Just kidding, that didn't happen, but it would have been better than what actually did. In a film that had previously grounded itself in a semblance of reality, the protagonists' decisions to solve their problems feels like a slap in the face to the audience's intelligence. It ultimately undermines the credibility of the entire narrative. I can't imagine what the writers were thinking so I'm not going to speculate, but in the end, I was rooting for 'Caesar'.

In conclusion, "Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes" is a captivating film with plenty to offer, but its dumbfounding ending leaves much to be desired. If you can overlook this glaring flaw, you'll find an entertaining ride through a world where apes rule, but if you're looking for a satisfying conclusion, you might want to look elsewhere.

Unfrosted (2024)

Unfunny Guy Makes Another Unfunny Movie

[1/10 · 8 May 2024]

"Unfrosted" is a cinematic snooze-fest that proves Jerry Seinfeld should stick to the small screen. This film feels like a leftover, stale bagel that's been sitting out for far too long.

The premise? Seinfeld plays a washed-up comedian who's desperately trying to cling to relevancy by embarking on a nostalgia-fueled quest to revive the Seinfeld brand. But instead of delivering laughs, "Unfrosted" serves up a bland, half-baked attempt at humor that falls as flat as yesterday's soda.

Seinfeld's signature observational humor feels tired and forced, like he's trying to recapture lightning in a bottle from a bygone era. The jokes lack the wit and sharpness that made his TV show a classic, leaving audiences wondering if they accidentally stumbled into a stand-up set from the '90s.

The supporting cast doesn't fare much better, with performances that range from forgettable to cringeworthy. It's as if Seinfeld rounded up a bunch of his old buddies from the comedy circuit and hoped their mere presence would be enough to salvage this sinking ship.

Even the film's attempts at emotional depth feel shallow and insincere, as Seinfeld clumsily shoehorns in half-hearted reflections on aging and relevance between awkward attempts at humor.

Overall, "Unfrosted" is a stale, uninspired cash grab that should have stayed in the toaster where it belongs. Save your time and your money, and opt for a rerun of "Seinfeld" instead. At least then you'll get some genuine laughs.

Chief of Station (2024)

Exposition Cliche: The Movie

[3/10 · 7 May 2024]

"Chief of Station," the latest attempt at espionage intrigue, is a forgettable cocktail of clichés and mediocrity, leaving audiences with a sour taste of disappointment. Aaron Eckhart, usually a reliable presence, struggles to breathe life into a tired script that feels like a rehash of every spy thriller you've ever seen.

The plot follows the predictable trajectory of a seasoned CIA operative (Eckhart) navigating the treacherous waters of international espionage, complete with double-crossings, femme fatales, and the obligatory ticking time bomb scenario. However, any semblance of tension or excitement is suffocated by the film's inability to break free from its formulaic shackles.

Despite its attempts to inject relevance with nods to contemporary geopolitical tensions, "Chief of Station" fails to offer any meaningful commentary or insight. Instead, it relies on tired tropes and shallow characterizations, reducing complex global issues to mere backdrop for its uninspired plot.

Even the action sequences, typically a saving grace for films of this genre, feel uninspired and lackluster. It's as if the filmmakers ticked off a checklist of obligatory set pieces without bothering to inject them with any genuine excitement or creativity.

In the end, "Chief of Station" is a forgettable addition to the spy thriller genre, offering little more than a rehash of tired clichés and missed opportunities. Save your time and money for something more deserving of your attention.

Sugar (2024– )

This Sugar is bitter

[3/10 · 6 May 2024]

Season 1 of 'Sugar' is a saccharine-coated disaster that leaves a bitter aftertaste. This melodramatic mess attempts to sprinkle some sweetness into the lives of its characters but ends up drowning them in a syrupy sea of clichés and predictable plotlines.

The show follows the lives of a group of supposedly lovable characters, each with their own set of sugar-coated problems. From the clichéd struggling artist to the misunderstood rich kid, 'Sugar' ticks off every tired trope in the book without bringing anything new to the table. It's like the writers raided a bargain bin of soap opera scripts from the 90s and slapped a fresh coat of paint on them.

The dialogue is as stale as last week's pastry, filled with cringe-worthy attempts at profundity that fall flat on their face. And don't even get me started on the acting. It's as if the entire cast attended the same overacting workshop and failed miserably. Every emotion feels forced, every line delivered with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

But perhaps the most egregious sin of 'Sugar' is its complete lack of self-awareness. It parades around like it's offering some profound commentary on the human condition when, in reality, it's just regurgitating tired clichés and recycled plotlines. It's the TV equivalent of a stale donut: sure, it might look appealing at first glance, but one bite reveals the disappointing truth lurking beneath the glaze.

In conclusion, 'Sugar' is a toothache-inducing trainwreck of a show that's best avoided unless you have a masochistic craving for cringe-inducing melodrama. Save yourself the agony and spend your time on something with a little more substance. Like watching paint dry.

Sting (2024)

What a wasted opportunity

[2/10 · 17 April 2024]

The best part of this movie was the first few minutes, but it's a rocket slide downhill after that. I literally can't think of one redeeming thing about this movie. Everything about it is mediocre at best, but its glaring flaws ruin any possibility of getting a higher rating than two. The characters are annoying and unlikable. All of them. There's not one character in this movie that has any relatable qualities. The "dad" isn't likable. The daughter is insufferable. The mom is.... there? The exterminator, I guess, is supposed to be some kind of comic relief, but he isn't funny at all, like ever. You almost never see the spider, even at the end, you can barely make out any distinguishing features. The body count is abysmally small. It's not scary in the least. The acting is mid. The writing is terrible. It's barely even an hour and a half long, so it even barely qualifies as a movie. I literally couldn't wait for it to end, but I was hoping, at least, I would get to see something terrible happen to the family, but the movie couldn't even do that. I feel sorry for anyone who sees this and I hope the rest of your year goes better for you. We all deserve better than this.

Red Right Hand (2024)

Mediocre with a disappointing ending

[5/10 · 24 February 2024]

I was excited to see this movie. Orlando Bloom and the guy who plays his brother have great chemistry and I enjoyed how they stuck together through thick and thin. And I thought the girl who plays his niece did a great job acting. Overall, pretty much everyone did a great job acting. It's shot well too. The production quality is great. I was enjoying the movie up until the third act, where I feel this movie really fell apart. It seemed like such a missed opportunity to get some satisfying, and revenge style death scenes when Orlando Bloom's character has to finally deal with Andie MacDowell's character. The final shootout everyone suddenly got Storm Trooper aim and none of the death scenes were satisfying. It all just felt off, like the director wasn't sure what the movie was or how to end it. Everyone just felt like they were flailing wildly and shooting at the wind hoping to get lucky enough to hit something and just when you think Orlando is going to bite the dust his daughter appears out of nowhere and saves the day. Then were met a short diatribe by the pastor and a final shot of Orlando Bloom and his niece and the movie ends. I think I understand what the directors and writer was going for, but I just don't think they executed it well. In the end, I just felt disappointed. I don't think this movie is a waste of time, but I do think that you'll forget about it after a few hours.

Dream Scenario (2023)

Dishonest Marketing

[1/10 · 11 December 2023]

I was told that this movie is a comedy. Critics said that it was hilarious and that it gave them many roaring belly laughs throughout the film. I was in the mood for a comedy, so I decided to take their advice and see this film. I was ready too, after all I love me some Nic Cage.

The film starts out interestingly enough. I was interested in the characters and the premise and was eager to see where it was all going to go, but as the movie went on, I started to realize that nothing funny was happening and the questions started to leap out into my thoughts. "This is a comedy", I thought? NO, as the movie progressed, I learned that indeed, this is NOT a comedy. I don't know what this movie is, but I know it's not funny. In fact, it's kind of horrifying. Nic's character essentially does nothing wrong, and he has his entire life fall apart and is treated horribly by everyone because of some dreams they had, and the ending is just plain depressing. I felt lied to and cheated by dishonest critics after seeing this movie, so it gets a 1/10. If I hadn't been lied to and went in knowing what this movie actually is, it might have gotten a better score. After all, the actors did a great job. It's shot really well, and it did keep me engaged, but why the dishonesty? Why lie to get people in the seats? It doesn't make any sense to me.

Freelance (2023)

Watchable

[5/10 · 31 October 2023]

Where do I begin? I suppose the movie starts out okay. We're introduced to John Cena's character, Mason Pettits, a special forces/lawyer who's unhappy at home and his job and is married to his wife, Alice Eve (Jenny Pettits), who doesn't love or appreciate him at all. His old war buddy (Christian Slater), who owns a private security firm, tracks him down and offers him a job to protect a journalist who is played by Allison Brie. Allison is tasked with interviewing President Venegas, but on the way to his estate they are attacked by a military outfit that is attempting a coup. This is where the story takes off, but this is also where I started to check out.

The director's directing of his actors is abysmal. The script is dreadful. The "comedy" feels forced and not funny. And the music score is overly loud and out of place. The "action" mainly consists of them running away and the bad guys having storm trooper aim. Allison Brie's character is there to just be an annoyance and further the dumb. The cinematography is good, but unfortunately having a movie that looks good is not something that makes watching a movie enjoyable if everything else is mediocre. The acting barely passes as acting, but I guess it does pass. I don't recommend seeing this in the theatre. It's something much more digestible as something you consume on a streaming platform. It passes the time, but you'll likely forget about it a few hours after seeing it.

Old Dads (2023)

That ending though...

[1/10 · 21 October 2023]

If you saw the trailer for this movie, then you likely started watching this movie because, like me, you were ready for Bill Burr to do his thing and give a great social commentary on the ridiculous state of today's society. Which is exactly what Bill started the movie doing. Through the first and second half of the movie you're getting exactly what you came here for, and I was really enjoying myself. Even though the movie wasn't as funny as I hoped it would be, it was still a fun ride, and I was all on board. Everything was being set up perfectly for a terrific finish, but then the third act began, and everything veered off into a complete trainwreck and Bill does a complete 180 and blames himself for everything. He could have stuck up for himself, but instead, what we're all supposed to learn from this film is that Bill was wrong the whole time and it turns out he's the problem and is going to do much better from now on and gosh darn it he's really sorry about being so horrible to everyone. Now he gets to live happily ever after because he learned his lesson and will totally just accept the ever-changing world around him because that's what grown-ups are supposed to do. He had a chance to be bold, but he went full sellout for a "feel good" ending. Just sad. I was ready to give this movie a solid 7 out of 10, but that dumpster fire of an ending landed me on a solid 1 out of 10 stars. Awful. Just awful.

The Burial (II) (2023)

Worth Watching, but...

[6/10 · 13 October 2023]

I just got done watching this and I have to say it is definitely worth watching. Tommy Lee Jones did a fine job acting, but Jamie Foxx stole the show. There were some really enjoyable moments, especially when Jamie Foxx was on screen. I really wanted to give this movie a solid 7 out of 10 stars, but in the end, the court case the movie focused on was pretty uninteresting and I'm kind of tired of all the race stuff in movies and the ending was predictable. Were it not for Jamie Foxx's performance, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed the movie as much as I did and I probably wouldn't be recommending anyone see it. The weird thing about the ending though is the director handled it really poorly. The character's reaction was opposite of what you'd think their reaction would be and it just felt really odd and the tone of the movie suffered for it. I ended up deciding on a 6 out of 10.

M3GAN (2022)

Original, Inclusive and Empowering

[3/10 · 1 January 2023]

I know it's traditional to write characters that are likable and relatable, so you care about what happens to them, but the brilliant writers of today are better than us dumb ol movie watchers, so they opted to write characters that are awful and completely unlikable and behave like no other human being in existence, so the audience doesn't care about what happens to them and heck, maybe even hopes something terrible might happen to them. In this totally original masterclass of today's writers, not one single character has a single redeeming quality so you can check out 20 minutes in and give up any semblance of caring about anyone and just sit back and relax while you wait for the eventual deaths to happen. Don't worry, there's some interesting social commentary to remind you that men are dumb and evil, so you won't be entirely bored while you wait. Every adult is stupid and awful and the child is a spoiled, unlikable brat. Yay! Turn your brain off and consume.

This is not without its positives, however. It is shot well, and the actors are serviceable and actually do a really good job at making you hate their characters. They made Chucky, um I mean, M3gan look real. Audio and sets are done well. Overall the production quality is what you'd hope for in a movie. This definitely a movie I wouldn't recommend unless you have some drinks or something to help you turn your brain off. Or maybe if you have some homework that needs to be done and you need something to play in the background.

Black Adam (2022)

A Masterpiece! Don't believe those toxic critics!

[10/10 · 24 October 2022]

I had so much fun watching this movie! When Black Adam first appeared on screen and started floating, I got chills. And it just got better from there. I would go so far as to say that this movie is the greatest movie in the history of the universe! Pierce Brosnan was amazing and was perfect for the role of Dr. Fate. The action and CGI was the best I've ever seen. If you don't love this movie, then don't watch it, it's not for you. Cyclone and Atom Smasher weren't in this movie as much as I would have liked them to be, unfortunately, but they were so much fun and so funny when they were on screen! I can't believe the critics are review bombing this? Just turn off your brain, grab some popcorn and have fun. I would definitely recommend this masterpiece of film making!

Old Man (2022)

I couldn't take my eyes off the screen

[7/10 · 21 October 2022]

This movie captured my attention from the start. Right away I started asking questions about what was happening and why. The old man, who is played by Stephen Lang, was an enigma and I wanted to know more about him and who Raskel was. Not long after the start of the story another man shows up at the old man's door claiming to be lost and in need of help, but the old man is paranoid and scares the heck out of him. The two characters get to know each other for most of the movie and the whole time I'm mesmerized and thinking that one of the two characters is going to kill the other, but which one? During that time I was really enjoying the movie, enough to give it a 8 or maybe a 9 out of 10, but then the big reveal happened and I didn't really like what happened. It brought my rating down to a 7. I thought the story was told very well. I thought the acting was really good. I liked pretty much everything about the production, direction, writing, sound, basically all the technical aspect of the movie were done really well, but that ending just wasn't satisfying at all. I would still recommend that people give this movie a watch, if not just for the story being told so well, but also because Stephen Lang is so captivating to watch in this movie.

Smile (V) (2022)

If you don't think about it.

[3/10 · 3 October 2022]

If you don't think about the plot holes and how normal people would behave, then this movie is pretty good. The problem is that I have a brain and I use it, so I didn't like this movie. This is one of those movies where in order for the movie to move forward, everyone has to behave in a way that would never actually happen. Trained psychologists have to be oblivious to the obvious. Cops need to be totally incompetent and oblivious as well.

The protagonist is extremely unlikable, but the movie tries to convince me that I should be rooting for her. This movie tells me that she's not crazy, but the character acts totally insane. There's a strange disconnect between what the movie wants me to think and what it shows me. There are jump scares that have nothing to do with the movie and come out of nowhere just for the sake of adding a jump scare.

To top everything off, it's extremely predictable and I saw the ending coming from a mile away. It wasn't scary either. I found everything quite boring. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone who's like me and can't turn their brain off. I gave it 3 stars because it's shot well enough and it had a foreboding atmosphere. The acting was okay. There were only a couple of times where I felt removed from the movie because the acting reminded me that I'm watching an actor instead of their character.

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: The People vs. Emil Blonsky (2022) Season 1, Episode 3

Man Bad

[1/10 · 2 September 2022]

In this episode we're treated to more "Man Bad" and they even decided to take swipes at people reviewing the show in real life who don't like it and portray them as stupid and bad. This show has proven to be nothing more than writers projecting their delusions onto the viewer. It has to be one of the most unselfaware spectacles I have ever witnessed in my entire life. She-Hulk basically wins the case at the end of the episode because she's able to prove that the big bad man is so stupid and sexist that he of course would do something so stupid. This show is basically a one trick pony, in where they continuously beat the pony long after it's dead and then parade it's corpse around and then shove it down the audience's throat and think themselves as absolutely hilarious while they do it.