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Addams Family Values (1993)
The Addams WHAMILY 2!!!! (It Whams You)
What up guys, what did I tell you? I'm back again, yes Karen from accounting, you need to pay me again for my review of the Addams Family Values! That's right, it's ya boy Bran Bran with another hot and spicy sizzling review and this is gonna be a funky one.
When I saw the first Addams Family movie, I thought it was a clever, fun movie filled with brilliant performances. But when I heard a sequel had been made, my hopes were about as high as a little person in trouble. BUTT I was pleasantly surprised at the totally incredible #cool movie that is this movie.
The Addams Family Values took everything the first movie did right and doubled it. Yes, most of the time, sequels are pieces of poopy doo, but not this one my friends, oh no! Fester has been restored to his previous glory and is freakier than ever, but now *drumroll and gasps from the audience* HE'S IN LOVE! WITH JOAN CUSACK! AND HER CHEST! Especially that.
So you're probably wondering what this is about. Well then, you can look it up. I'm not here to do that! I will tell you though that this movie is not a repeat in any way of the first. This film has a 100% original story that involves romance, comedy, and some #drama with the kids at a summer camp.
First of all, the acting in this movie is some of the best I've ever seen from an ensemble cast, especially Christopher Llyod. Every second he's on screen is hilarious. During one scene in which Fester survives a huge explosion, I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe! His weird, frumpy, dumpy form emerging from the smoke with a plate of whatever the hell was so hot. I mean, funny. Yeah. *eyes dart back and forth nervously*
Although Fester is a major highlight in this movie, all the other cast members are extremely entertaining. Raul Julia as Gomez is also excellent. He's so overly confident, dashing, and great at everything that it leads to so much great humor. The fact that most of his ideas do work out no matter how ridiculous has this tea scalding hot sister. Sorry, my valley girl came out. It happens sometimes.
On the subject of acting, Christina Ricci is fantastic as always. Creepy, menacing, hilarious, adorable. and downright spookilious. She is surprisingly mature and talented for someone of her age and her performance is even better in this movie than the first. Seeing Wednesday Addams defending Native American people's rights while burning the pilgrim's village and torturing a bunch of privileged white people has to be the most satisfying thing I've ever seen. That girl is woke af.
That guy from Numbers and 10 Things I Hate About You was also a pleasant surprise. He was great as always. Go check that boy out in 10 Things. He's amazing. Go watch it. NOW. You'll also get to hear some fine jokes about a woman writing an erotic novel and Heath Ledger looking super weirded out about it. Cool. ANYWAY.
Thing is as amazing as always! He's like the family dog except not, he's a severed hand. Okay, who animated a severed hand? Someone needs to fess up because that person deserves a pat on the head and a medal with the word "WINNER" inscribed on it because I LOVE THING.
Speaking of cute, endearing creatures, I LOVE IT AND WHAT! What has to be the cutest thing I've ever seen in my god damn life. His sweet little pink binky is the most adorable touch. You thought you loved It? GET READY FOR MINI IT! WHAT!!!! Also, the fact that ginger lady married Cousin It is always hilarious and amazing and it makes me believe in true love.
The smexy frog Angelica Houston is also amazing in this movie. The weird lighting on her eyes at all times, her sexual innuendos about torture and murder, and her freaky romance with Gomez are all wrapped up in an uncomfortably tight dress that would probably keep her organs in if she was ever in a car crash. Safety first, kids. I love that macabre queen.
When this movie was released, film critics were very surprised at how much better they thought this one was than the first. While I do think this movie is better than the first, I don't think it's MUCH better. The first is definitely a classic and so is the Addams Family Values.
On the topic of issues with the film, I really don't have any. Moments some movie goers could perceive as "cheesy" are just hilarious to me and make the movie even more out there and fun. Everything is intentional in this film from the great set design, costumes, and fantastical plot line. If you have even the slightest ounce of imagination or decency you'll like this movie. Don't take it seriously because if you do I will know.
Overall, the movie is hilarious, weird, fun, and all in all just great. I watched this movie as a kid so maybe that explains some things about me. Anyway, that's all for now. Rest in Peaces.
COPYRIGHT BRANDON SHEDDER 2018 - #KEEPTHESHEDALIVE
The Addams Family (1991)
The Adams WHAMily
The Adams Family movie is one of the best TV to film adaptations ever made. Based off of the beloved television series of the same name, the film follows the odd band of Adams's through a zany tale of mischief and lost memory. The Adams Whamily comes to the big screen with a wham of nostalgia for old fans, and will surely excite newcomers. All of the performances here are excellent, with Angelica Huston and Christopher Lloyd really shining. Christina Ricci is also great, especially for a child actress. Everyone else is superb, as each player brings their roles to life.
The film tells the story of father Gomez, who is visited by an oddball stranger claiming to be his long-lost brother, Fester, played brilliantly by Christopher Lloyd. The imposter Fester has been sent in by his supposed mother to steal a legendary treasure that is stored in the Adams house. This leads to much hilarity ensuing. The production does a great job of recapturing a more modern feel of the TV show, as well as with casting.
Notable scenes include the mamushka dance number, the ginger woman falling in love with Cousin It, Gomez's fantastic sword fight with who I believe was his accountant or attorney, and when the family digs up their loved ones at the end of the film.
In addition, costume choices and set design were both superb. It was great to see a huge set for the family house, and accurate receations and nods to the show.
As for negatives, the Adams Family does include a number of scenes with "stupid humor." These are moments that are ridiculous, but that are meant to be this way. It takes a special person to appreciate these jokes. The filmmakers seemed to want viewers to separate themselves from these moments and have fun with them.
Overall, The Adams Family is a great deal of fun for fans and the uninitiated. I would greatly recommend it to anyone. Cousin It is bae.
Haters Back Off! (2016)
Fans Back Off...WAY Off
I am a long time fan of Miranda and her actress, Colleen Ballinger. She's an incredibly funny, talented woman and I've supported everything she's done wholeheartedly. However, if I'm going to be completely honest, this is probably one of the lowest quality shows I've ever seen. While the concept of the show is great, it fails terribly overall. The first episode opens with the main character, Miranda, creating her first YouTube video. It was familiar, just another Miranda Sings video like I've been watching for years. However, this moment of charm and nostalgia faded quickly. One of the biggest issues that this series has is that it is painfully unfunny. It has some rare humorous moments, but these are all too few and brief, such as one scene where Miranda tanks a Popsicle in about 20 seconds and then drops the remaining stick on the ground, all the while her best friend Patrick wistfully gazes at her supposed beauty. The series continued to be boring, over the top in the worst way, annoying, and illogically stupid. None of the characters possess any depth, the acting is okay to way too extreme, and it appeared that both the actors and script writers were trying way too hard. As Colleen has come from a YouTube background, the transition to television was one I believe she was not fully ready for. To my knowledge she was the primary writer, consultant, and actress on this series as well as her brother, Chris Ballinger. Possibly, her sibling caused some form of disruption in the writing process because he himself is not inside the head of Miranda. Colleen is truly the only person who knows how Miranda acts as well as her family members and friends. An alternative explanation could be that Colleen was incredibly overworked and was dealing with running three channels to which she consistently uploaded during this time, the TV show itself, moving to Canada away from her family, and her issues with her shoulder, which I know caused a lot of stress for her. Maybe all of these stressors were not helpful in the creation of "Haters Back Off," and impacted the script and production negatively. The only good performance in this entire series is from Colleen, although I have heard that some people are unhappy with her acting. I find this to be confusing because Colleen does a great job with this wacky character. She fully embodies this character. From her makeup, hair, clothing, facial expressions, voice, and even the way she walks. It takes true talent to transform yourself into the opposite of your real personality. However, placing this unique, funny, and insane character into an environment filled with other crazy, not well written characters was a horrible idea. The novelty of Miranda wears off due to these other unnecessary characters. I've always been very entertained by Miranda's videos on YouTube because she is with a normal person in all of her collaborations. The contrast here is what is funny. It highlights how truly weird, unreasonable, and hilarious Miranda as a character is compared to normal, everyday people in the YouTube community. Inserting Miranda into a group of other characters with their own unfunny quirks does not work in the slightest. My least favorite characters have to be Miranda's mother, Bethany, and her uncle, Jim. Bethany's subplot about her imaginary injury and cringe worthy love interest with a fetish for injured women was completely uncalled for and agonizingly unfunny. Every scene with her brought the show down a notch and made me feel uncomfortable. Jim was incredibly over the top and over dramatic in a very unhumorous way. He was obnoxious and overbearing. The formula of this show should have been that Miranda is the only odd character, everyone else is normal except for maybe one or two other people, and Miranda has bizarre adventures in the town she lives in. It could have even been a mockumentary style series in which the camera crew follows Miranda from her hometown to different YouTube conventions, meet and greets, and shows she's performing in. This would showcase her interactions with everyday people and other YouTubers who are perfectly normal, and would create the same hilarious contrast and atmosphere her videos have. There are some TV shows that feature a whole group of strange, out-there characters, like "the Office." But, that show was very well written and a lot of effort was put into making the characters work cohesively, all act naturally, and believe that everything they're doing is normal and correct. They play off of one another expertly, getting on each other's nerves, having arguments, creating friendships and relationships, and hitting people with cars. "The Office" works incredibly well because of all these reasons, including experienced actors and writers who understand what people will find funny and unfunny. These people were able to give their full attention to "the Office" and were able to craft a classic television series that people can watch over and over. In the case of "Haters Back Off," almost none of the positives previously listed are true. Colleen Ballinger is truly the only entertaining, funny person in this show, but she is consistently bogged down by everything and everyone else in the show that fails. If another season is to come out, I will give it a chance, and I will never stop watching Colleen or Miranda's videos. However, this series was definitely not for me.
Aquamarine (2006)
A Summer Film for Part of the Family
I was obsessed with Aqamarine as a child. I would watch it everyday, and played games with my friends pretending to be characters from this movie. It was my dream. My salvation. However, as a young adult, I have realized that this movie kind of sucks. While the film is great for the target audience of younger viewers, it for sure fails to capture teenagers. The content is overly dramatic, sometimes poorly written, and very immature.
Aquamarine tells the simple story of a young mermaid, played by Sara Paxton, who swims away from home, and encounters two teenage girls who live by the sea. As the friends begin to get to know this mermaid, they start to teach her about human life and stereotypes. Along the way, a side plot about a love interest is introduced. This mainly involves confusion over the mermaid's lifestyle, which leads to the film's attempts at comedy. Some of them work, others...do not. Really.
The love interest character of Raymond is by far the worst character in this film. His cheesy lines, and slow jumps, are horrendous and cringeworthy. His acting is not terrible, however, they did not give his character very much to work with. The three lead characters all seemed to work well together, and seemed like actual friends. Their performances are generally great. Especially from Jo Jo, in one emotional scene towards the end of the movie. It is interesting that only Emma Roberts has been truly successful after the release of Aquamarine. At the time of this review, I have heard nothing about Sara Paxton nowadays, and only a word about Jo Jo's music career.
As far as other other characters are concerned, the handyman Leonard is not really needed here. He has only a few scenes where he furthers the plot a bit. Other than that, he walks around in the background, and does not say very much. The main antagonist, Cecelia, is obnoxious, and did not do very much throughout the film other than complain, and act as the stereotypical mean girl.
Overall, Aquamarine is fun, and a lighthearted, sometimes emotional film that is great for younger kids and parents who are looking for a family friendly fantasy-esque movie.
Cadet Kelly (2002)
Cadet FAILy
Cadet Kelly has a very unique plot. REALLY unique. It is so original that when I first heard about it, it immediately sounded bizarre and felt weird to be honest. I watched this as a child and only remembered the scene where Kelly was crawling through the mud while someone yelled at her and when she was complaining to her friend. That pretty much sums up this movie. While it does sound original, it suffers from repeating itself constantly and stretches of boring scenes. Hilary Duff plays a ditzy, annoying schoolgirl who is basically a clone of Lizzie McGuire. BORING. There are even moments when you can hear her thoughts, just like in Lizzie McGuire. The plot of this is essentially that Lizze is sent to military school when her mother marries an ex military general who has taken the position of the head of the school. There, she must become a solider basically, all the while dealing with an incredibly over the top, demanding military trainer played by that chick who voices Kim Possible. The film chronicles her battles with this girl, whose name I've forgotten, Eventually, the film randomly decides that Lizzie and Kim Possible don't hate each other as much anymore and focuses on the drill team competition and Lizzie's desire to join it. This is a refreshing change of pace in the movie, however, it becomes boring after a while. The same flips and tricks with a gun over and over gets monotonous. Maybe attempting to focus on Lizzie and Kim's issues at the same time as the drill team plot would have made this movie less of a drag. At the end of the movie, there is another random story that comes out of nowhere that involves Lizzie's bio dad visiting her, only to fall off a cliff and crack his head open on a ledge, falling unconscious. This requires Lizzie to save him along with her soon to be step dad while the drill competition is happening. The film closes on a bit of a weird note as the drill team loses the competition. I guess winning isn't everything, but come on, I want a happy ending! This is a Disney movie! I suppose my point is that the movie is boring as well as random, but overall much more entertaining than HSM. Acting was also good, especially that dude from office space. BUT WHO THE HELL CALLS THEIR STEP DAD SIR?!
Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam (2010)
Camp WRONG Strikes Again
Wow, and just when I thought DCOMs couldn't get any worse than Quints. Just kidding, Quints sucked a$$. Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam is thankfully the final Camp Rock movie in this unfortunate series of events. Yet again, horrible acting mixed with dreadful songs and an unbelievably ridiculous script toss this film into a spiral of garbage. If you are looking forward to this movie, please stop. Run in the opposite direction and go pop in "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" for some real entertainment. Trust me. This "film" is slightly improved from the first due to Demi Lovato's sort of better acting skills, better camera work, and...that's it. Unlike the first movie, the characters randomly break out into song about their situation, which is a huge issue that continues throughout the whole film. In "Camp Rock," the characters only sang when on a stage or prompted to, which felt real and fit with the camp. However, one of my biggest annoyances in musical movies is when nonsensical things like people breaking out into perfectly synchronized song and dance with no preparation happen. Another absolutely horrible part of this movie is when Demi Lovato's character, Mitchie, leads Camp Rock into Camp Star with an absolutely mind bogglingly bad, horrendous, cheesy, cringe worthy dance number and chant. I literally had to skip this part or I probably would have died. The Jonas Brothers return yet again, but are equally as bad as they were in the first movie, if not worse. Like I said in my review of "Camp Rock," I don't get at all why this boy band was even cast in the film to begin with. Money grab again? Yup. The best actor connected to these brothers in this movie is the big black dude who screams something about their bus rolling down a hill. That's downright sad. (Not because he's black, black people are gr8 I'M NOT RACIST.) Also, the obnoxious, vomit inducing romance between Nate and that girl with the ten mile wide mouth from Camp Star is the most unrealistic, rushed, cheesy a$$ bullsh*t I've ever seen in my life. Why the hell are they so obsessed with each other after talking for literally thirty seconds? Like really, Nick Jonas, you're going to spy on this girl with binoculars by the side of a lake just because she's hot? REALLY? The plot sucks. Doesn't make sense. The final outcome of Camp Rock losing is I guess a good lesson to teach kids that winning isn't everything, but it was kind of a dumb decision when the entire film was about them working really hard on this one specific performance, only to have it fail miserably. Also, why are they suddenly friends with the bully Tess, who then betrays them yet again, reversing the sort of I guess meaningfulness of them being friends again, by joining the rival camp. What? Besides being random and sounding ridiculous, the musical numbers ARE HORRIBLE. I skipped every one of them after a few seconds due to their sheer lack of quality. Now you may be wondering, 'gee, are the musical numbers in Camp Rock 2 better than the ones in Camp Rock?' I thought about this for a minute, and realized the musical numbers in the first film are slightly better those in the second. However, I can say they're easier to laugh and cringe at in Camp Rock 2. IT SUCK.
Camp Rock (2008)
Camp WRONG
**WARNING FOR ALL WHO LITERALLY DON'T CARE (CUZ NO ONE WILL) THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS**
Back in the year of 2008, there was a DCOM coming out called "Camp Rock." At first, it sounded like one of the best ideas the Disney company had ever had. It featured a new up and coming star, Demi Lovato, who is now a major name in pop music, as well as the popular Jonas Brothers, two of which are still successful to this day. It looked to feature a lot of music, some comedy, and drama, all made for tweens in the 2000s. It all seemed like a great idea, a musical dream for kids to enjoy all across the globe. Yeah, that didn't happen. *Record scratch* This is the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. As a 7-year-old girl who loved the Jonas Brothers, I was excited beyond belief for this movie. And I freaking loved it. I rewatched this "film" a couple of days ago after years of having not seen it and literally laughed my way through the entire thing it was so awful. The movie has three MAJOR issues that are consistent through all of the film. One problem is that just about every single person in the movie is a god awful actor. Like, they cannot act for sh*t. At all. I understand this is a kids movie and usually people don't act as well as in a movie made for adults, but wow are there "performances" immeasurably horrendous. Demi Lovato had barely any acting experience to my knowledge, and Jesus H Christ is it obvious. The Jonas Brothers are actually worse than her. Kevin Jonas plays a complete imbecile in this who has a bird house obsession, because I can guarantee you the writers sat down and said, "you know what kids like these days? Random things! LOL XD RANDOM! What's a random thing the third wheel of the Jonas Brothers can be obsessed with? BIRD HOUSES! PERFECT!" The three of them are undeniably the worst part of this movie. My favorite quote from Joe Jonas or "Shane Gray" is "I'm not wasting my entire summer at some CAMP!" I laughed so hard I almost puked. Whine, whine, whine. That's all Joe Jonas does in this movie. As mentioned, Kevin is stupid and Nick attempts to be the wiser, more humble of the three, but he's just bland and obnoxious. Hmm, maybe it wasn't a good idea to cast three people who are "musicians" and have had zero acting experience in a DCOM. Money grab? You bet your f*cking ass it was. The second problem this film has is the script. Here's a good example of what the script is like. Have you ever seen the movie "The Last Airbender?" If not, it's an atrocious adaptation of an animated kids show that featured unrealistic, ridiculous dialogue and nonsensical plot lines. Camp Rock has an M. Night Shamalamadingdong scent to it that makes me want to vomit and take a dump in my neighbors backyard. Or side yard. Every scene is cheesy, awkwardly written, and full of cringe worthy dialogue that never deserved to ever see the light of day. There are sometimes very quick moments that happen that don't further the characters and are lazily written. For instance, there's a scene where Allison Stoner's character, who plays a camper, tells Mitchie, Demi Lovato's character, and I quote, "check me out!" She then hits some random keys on a laptop which produces an awful array of beeping sounds, to which Mitchie replies, "COOL!" What the literal f*ck? The moments like this in the script are what killed a good part of what this movie could have been. But enough of that, onto the third major issue. THE SONGS. They are horrible as well as the awkward, horribly choreographed dancing.. F*cking terrible. I was unfortunately obsessed with "This is Me" by Demi Lovato as a kid and definitely regret liking it. The lyrics, although reflective and somewhat meaningful, are stupid and simplistic at times. They treat the kids that are listening like complete idiots in regards of the incredibly simple lyrics and are annoyingly catchy, so you'll probably have them worming their way into your head on repeat for about ten years after viewing this pile of filth and Disney decay. I counted, and there are literally no songs in this movie that are worthy of any recognition. Wow are they horrid. THIS SUCKS. DO NOT SEE IT. JUST NO. I could see it being okay for younger kids. Maybe ages 1- 10, but please do not subject yourself to such terror and torture if you're above that age. The movie must have done at least well enough with its audience, because a sequel was released two years later called "Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam" which was literally only 1% better than its predecessor. Just no.