grouchoM Reviews

Almighty Thor (2011 TV Movie)

The Mighty Awful Thor!

[1/10 · 8 May 2011]

This movie was just hilariously awful. It seems like a 12 year old wrote the script. It tells the story of a young Thor coming of age and trying to avenge his father Odin (played by professional rassler Kevin Nash), who was smited by Loki (Richard Grieco). Seems Loki the evil trickster wants the famous hammer that would eventually become Thor's bread and butter weapon. Grieco walks around with evil written all over him including a powdery white face and black spikey armor.

Cody Deal is the dumbest Thor or for that matter any other super hero/god ever. He can't fight and even though Jarnsaxa (a warrior chick trained by The Valkyries played by Patricia Velasquez) tells him over and over that he can't fight, has no skills and can't beat Loki he just continually ignores her and says "I'm going to find Loki and kill him". Guess what?! Every time he finds Loki he gets his butt whipped handily. Still our thickheaded moron of a hero won't go train and says "I am going to find Loki and kill him!" This movie is beyond bad. I watched it on the Sci/Fi channel and it has all the makings of a Sci/Fi original film. The CGI is cheap and cartoony. The fights are shot like they shot one move, cut, then another move, cut and then another. BUT I will say this, if you like bad movies and like to laugh at how horrible and ridiculous they are then you will get something out of this. I laughed and was held to the screen by its awfulness!

Prince Jack (1984)

From Memory... a pretty good flick.

[6/10 · 16 August 2007]

I saw this movie back in the day on VHS. I remember that I enjoyed it. I liked how they showed these political legends as real humans and remember the frank and sometimes crude language that was used. This was odd because most movies about these characters, at least at that time, glossed over them being real humans and seemed to want to portray them as nothing but their iconic public images.

Another movie kind of like this that would be a good companion piece, that is also not out on DVD is Executive Action with Burt Lancaster and Robert Ryan.

I am going strictly from memory and it was probably in the late 80's that I saw this but I remember it being a pretty interesting film.

The Claim (2000)

Goes no where

[1/10 · 10 August 2005]

This movie was just plain boring. It leaves you thinking "what the heck is going on here and when is something worth making a movie for going to happen." I got sucked in because it stars Milla Jovovich and I adore her but this movie just stinks. It is boring, boring, BORING. She looks great as usual and does a good job with what she is given. Her character is one of the only ones that is remotely interesting as she plays a whore with a heart of gold ( and tooth to match) type character. But it just went on and on and it went... no where. I saw potential and thought this movie could have been good but it was like the director and writer just got in a car and took it no where.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)

Not as good as 1

[5/10 · 10 August 2005]

I really wanted to like or love this movie. I had high expectations cause I liked the first one so much. I must say I was really disappointed. I think that it was almost like a "less is more" kind of thing. This movie seemed to have a bigger budget and they did a lot more elaborate stunts and make up but it just doesn't measure up to Res 1. I know that Millas character is evolving and she is suppose to be becoming super fit but she looks way too skinny and to me its like they did everything in their power to make her look unattractive. The story is good and its one of those movies that leaves you just thinking, "this could have been and should be so much better." It worth watching but...

No Good Deed (2002)

Just not good

[2/10 · 10 August 2005]

I just thought this movie was not that good. I had never heard of it and thought I would check it out because I love Milla Jovovich and Sam Jackson. I picked it up previously viewed and popped it in and... blah. That is the best way I can describe this movie. It was just blah. Nothing special at all and just bland. Milla is beautiful and looks great and she does her best as does Sam Jackson but I don't think anything can save this snooze fest. If you have nothing else to do and there is nothing else on TV and you don't have to clean or clip your toe nails and if there is no paint pealing off the walls you can watch, and or you are a Jovovich fan, give it a shot but its really just not that good. BLAH.

Resident Evil (2002)

Loved it!

[9/10 · 10 August 2005]

I loved this movie. I don't particularly like horror movies and I have never played this game. I must say that from beginning to end I was hooked. I loved the way it was shot and the casting though none of the names were what I would consider big names. Michelle Rodriquez busts out and nearly steals the show from Milla. She is tough as nails and kicks butt but is still sexy as can be. Milla as Alice is just fantastic and dead on. She is great as the innocent confused Alice who can't remember who she is or what is going on. She sees these events through the confused eyes of an innocent. Then as she remembers who she is the transformation is great and she comes off like King Kong, Godzilla, and Bruce Lee all in one. She looks great and she carries the movie and has shown she is an excellent action heroine. Milla can do anything.

The Million Dollar Hotel (2000)

Bleck!

[1/10 · 10 August 2005]

This movie just stunk. I know that some people will say that anybody who thinks it is no good "just doesn't get it." I like Wenders in American Friend and Wings of Desire. But this is utter dreck. The main character is so annoying that I couldn't care less what he does. He is, as has been said in another review bouncing around like a little annoying monkey. I just couldn't stand him or force myself to care. This is the case with most of the characters who just seem to be trying to hard to be goofey or weird. I liked the Mel Gibson character and the Milla Jovovich characters and wish they would have focused more on them. Milla is of course beautiful, pitiful and you really feel for her and what she has been thru and why she is the way she is. I see Gibsons character as almost Frankenstien like. I just wish he would have save Milla and brunt the hotel down with all the worthless boring characters that lived in it. Milla Rating 10 Movie rating 0

Zoolander (2001)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaansel

[6/10 · 10 August 2005]

I didn't find Ben Stiller to be very funny in this movie. What saved it for me was Will Ferrell and Owen Wilsons HAAAAAAAAAAAAnsel. Wilson is hilarious. Ferrell is over the top and his comic timing is perfect. Stiller seems to be trying too hard and even though Derek Zoolander is suppose to be as thick as a brick in his skull it gets old real fast. Wilson steals every scene. Milla Jovovichs Betty Page hair, big red lips, dominatrix gear with a Natasha ( of Boris and Natasha stupid squirrel fame) is great. Jovovich is hilarious and plays her part to the hilt. Lots of cameos by the rich and the famous. I like the concept but I would say check out this flick but its not for everybody.

The Fifth Element (1997)

Milla Steals the Show!

[9/10 · 10 August 2005]

I loved this movie! It was quirky and cooky and full of hilarious characters. Terry Gilliams visions are always great as I also loved Brazil and his Monty Python stuff.

Bruce Willis is the star of the movie but Milla Jovovich blows everybody off the screen. She is funny, beautiful, and kicks butt as The Fifth Element Leeloo. I can watch her over and over in this role. The bright orange hair and the innocence she portrays is just unique and also touching. The scene where she goes into Bruce Lee mode is hilarious and fantastic.

Also Chris Tucker has a break out role. And lastly I have no idea who the Diva is or who was actually singing but it was beautiful.

Dazed and Confused (1993)

Great Movie

[8/10 · 10 August 2005]

I thought this was a great movie in that it took me back, and does every time to my high school days. It is an excellent depiction of that time and of the high school and partying experience. Loved the music and Mathew McCoughnehy as the sleazy older guy that hangs around with the younger kids is great.

Milla Jovovich? I am her biggest fan but I can never and still don't see why she is listed as a main character. She does absolutely nothing. I wish they would have used her more. She does sing a few lines of one of her songs from The Divine Comedy which is a great CD but they have her doing NOTHING.