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Reviews
The Double (2013)
Really ? Somebody signed off on this ?
Spoiler alert it's not a comedy it's a tragedy, well it's a tragedy that someone has not erased this film from existence
Dull , tedious , mind numbing experience, it's just a awful crock of dung I really cannot believe someone signed off on this , If you have ever had a disturbing repetitive dream , this is just the same ,I sometimes dream that I can't remember where I've parked the car , in my dream I just walk up and down streets trying to find it , if they filmed that it would be more interesting
It's just boring nonsense , the only thing I liked about it was the sets , they made a good job of creating a bleak Eastern European industrial look
I went with a open mind and was hoping that at some point the film would start to,get going but it's like waiting at a bus stop in the cold and rain , just a unpleasant experience
The Monuments Men (2014)
Saving Private Ryan's socks or Indiana Clooney and the Temple of Dull
Have you ever watched paint dry ? Well I've just watched something even duller. During the film three people in the lower rows walked out
this was a great disappointment for me because one of them was playing angry birds on his iPhone , that was far more interesting than what was on the screen. The film is really just twaddle , dull, barely any story , no intrigue just clooney and his chums wandering about finding art .
It goes like this ; we think some stolen art is there , shall we go there ? , OK we're here where is the stolen art ? It's over there , Well done Chums lets go and find some more stolen art , the Nazis are such rotters
The cast barely bothered to act , I don't blame them , they had nothing to work with ,Just drive about , look a bit glum at times , be happy when more stolen art is found Then repeat until the End
If you go to watch this do yourself a favour , take a fully charged iPhone with angry birds on it , the rest of the cinema goers will thank you , just don't walk out halfway through and leave the poor souls with nothing but the Monuments Men to watch
The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)
Duller than grey matte paint
Well the trailer showed promise, but the film just never ends ,
it may even still be on , Just looping endlessly round and round the projector ,If someone offered a one way trip to a Swiss clinic during this tedium I would have jumped at the chance
I had wondered given some of the revues , but this is just a dull , tedious and dreary film No doubt the sort of people that pretend to like this sort of moody miserable films will say how wonderful it is , when in fact this film could be used as a form of torture , just one viewing and the threat of a second showing would break the hardest suspect The characters are dull and flat , the story drags its feet like a dog going to the vets , If you go , do yourself a favour and take a blanket , a flask of tea maybe even a 10000 piece puzzle to do whilst watching this glum old cods wallop
The Woman in Black (2012)
woman in yawn
I was truly disappointed with this, got bored after 20mins, it was really just a ride on a fairground ghost train , made you jump but that gets tiresome for 95mins,
maybe the constant close ups on Daniel Radcliffe looking like a perplexed Emu didn't help but the storyline was just feeble ,at no point did I care what happened, just waited for the next jump. the little dog was quite sweet but even he got bored and disappeared halfway through,yep gone , a constant companion for Mr Jerome and Mr Kipp's (Radcliffe) and then nothing , maybe had a better offer from his agent or just ran off to join a circus. a true reflection of the film if a cast member scarpers off midway!
sadly for me , the film wasted itself in the constant attempts to make add another jump.
in all a dull tedious film with jumpy bits thrown in,
The Grey (2011)
Dunces with Wolves
spoiler alert
just in case anyones tempted to go and watch The Grey, open the freezer door and stare into it for two hours instead, stupid stupid film , stupid actors stupid storyline,
I went expecting a survival type film, but the story lines just plain daft , crash in the snowy wilderness , leave the safety of the crash site and seek shelter in the woods , (the natural hunting ground of the wolf) take minimum amount of stuff to protect yourself , don't bother with a means to heat water, don't stay together and then get picked off one by one, curse at God for your bad luck for being the helpless victims of intelligent wolves that have developed powers of reasoning and forward planning ( the wolves send in low ranking beast to test the defences , I kid you not)
for reasons of the storyline ,the producers felt that it was believable that the loss of a jet airliner with 100 people on-board on a flightpath in America would not start a search and rescue mission, easier to say that they would only send two planes at most because we're expendable ?????
In all a plain daft film , I only gave it two points for the crash sequence at the start, dunno what the other reviewers were watching but , there was simply no rational thought to the actions of the cast
putting themselves in harms way , rubbish attempts to fashioning weapons. hard to believe these were meant to be rough toughy oil workers used to hard work and tool usage in extreme conditions ( who would have been taught basic emergency drill given the location),
maybe if it was a load of clueless kids it would work.