magganthompson Reviews

Closer (I) (2004)

This is garbage.

[1/10 · 10 September 2023]

I'm actually shocked by the rating this film got overall, it's not a good movie whatsoever. I'm sorry to say that while I do enjoy both Natalie Portman and Clive Owen, I've never been a fan of Jude Law or Julia Roberts.

I remember when this film came out, I was young. I watched it then and disliked it, and here I thought I just missed the initial point of the movie, let me watch it again. Truth is that Netflix put this garbage into "My List" even though I would never have added it. I don't generally care for romance films, and I don't consider this romance.

This storyline is just a bunch of terrible people who deserve each other and whatever happens to them. I don't know a single adult who acts like this. The characters are irredeemable, the men are absolutely abhorrent. I don't believe women do not find these kinds of men attractive. They're like teeenaged boys.

The story timeline jumps all over the place, there's absolutely no explanation of anything that is happening to them. There is essentially no storyline at all. No explanation for the random terrible behaviour of these people. Why did any of these A-List actors agree to be in this movie?

I didn't like a single thing about this film. It was all talk about sex without any actual sex. The "erotic" scenes are grotesque. Idk what else to say. I had to write a review to express my distaste.

The Lobster (2015)

Is it...supposed to be THIS uncomfortable?

[1/10 · 17 January 2023]

Something is very monotonous about the film and it makes me uncomfortable in many ways. I made it about 30 mins, asking myself the whole time what is this about. The "hunt" threw me off, but the scenes that truly made this unwatchable for me (since I didn't finish the movie) were happening in tandem; one man is being sexually aroused and then left suddenly with an erection while another man is being punished very publicly for masterbation by burning his hand in a toaster.

Okay? This is not a film about people finding mates or becoming animals, it's a film about torturing people and sexually abusing them. Calling this "quirky" and "artsy" and people saying "you just didn't get it" and "you missed the point" don't seem to understand that I am not watching another second of this crap. This is akin to sexual assault and rape and it's a no for me. Shame on this film, it should have disclaimers and trigger warnings.

I will say that whatever small amount of acting I saw wasn't completely terrible, though much of it is just boring. There's no emotion invested into anything. A man telling a story about his wife who recently died, he was as casual as if he were talking about losing a game of cards. It's just not human nature to be that calm when discussing such a significant loss, especially given the "circumstances" these folks find themselves in? I can tell without watching anymore of this movie that I will not like it. Yikes.

Do Revenge (2022)

Huh?

[3/10 · 23 November 2022]

Please tell me I'm not the only one confused?

I watched the entire movie from start to finish. The plot was predictable from the moment Maya Hawke's character, Eleanor, appeared and gave a monologue. I even correctly guessed that she messed with Drea's car.

I'd like to say that there is absolutely no depth to any character, I barely remember the names of anyone. Even the main character, Drea, is lacking anything relatable or worthy of sympathizing with.

Drea's "nurse" mom is never seen despite several pointless mentions of her existence. The writers missed several good opportunities to have a positive role model (AKA parent) talk to their children about accountability and consequences.

This film is aimed at teens and young women and makes no effort to properly address any of the inappropriate behaviour it glorifies. Take notes from John Tucker Must Die, which is what this film attempts to be, but fails at miserably.

Even the headmaster (played by Sarah Michelle Gellar) is rather strange and confusing, giving off weird vibes. Is she an antagonist or a protagonist? Sometimes she's comic relief? It's impossible to tell since her role seems to change from one scene to the next. Also, the atrocious treatment of a bonsai (that I hope was fake) was actually triggering for me.

The motive for the ex-boyfriend character makes absolutely no sense, and was threaded in rather poorly to an already messy and rushed ending. The ridiculous "viewing" of a confession video of the ex-boyfriend during a very uninhibited party would be unlikely to do anything to damage the ex-boyfriend's reputation.

Because everyone already hates the main character, Drea, if anything, people like that would have sympathized with his version of events, based on the trajectory of the storyline and the sketch of the characters' personalities. They're the living embodiments of shallowness and "elitism", with the FL being the underdog outsider who's only lucky to be there because she got a scholarship. The "motive" was not plausible or logical in my opinion.

And somehow, for no reason and with absolutely no consistent or relevant action to lead to such a conclusion, the two main characters, Drea and Eleanor, make up. This comes after Drea realizes that Eleanor is actually her aggressor. There is no logical reason for Drea or Eleanor to make up, and why is Eleanor suddenly concerned about Drea after going to such extreme lengths to get back at her childhood bully-including, but not limited to, having a nose job and hitting her with a car!? It's ridiculous.

Drea gave a half-assed apology, and only because she was losing things she cares more about than other human beings-period. Eleanor not only forgave her, but actually asked her if they were "okay".

Eleanor simply let Drea off the hook...and without any kind of discussion or laying any boundaries down. She didn't hold Drea accountable for her actions, past or present, and managed to do all of this right after Drea managed to disrespect her, AGAIN, just a moment beforehand. Just what the hell is happening here?

*sigh* Who wrote this script? Women don't operate this way. When women fight like this, they are not friends anymore. The final scenes hurriedly piece together a cut-and-paste rendition of every 90's/00's girly flick ever, and still managed to leave me completely confused and dissatisfied.

It's not that the story line is complicated or difficult to understand, it's that halfway through the film the storyline becomes an irrational fever dream that doesn't tie into the main story nicely at all. It almost seems like the writers got lazy halfway through and just stopped trying.

I really wanted to like this movie, and I didn't hate it. But It gets a 3/10 for being only semi-watchable and absolutely not rewatchable. Im actually surprised I sat through the whole thing. I wanted the writers to hit me with a brilliant twist that would tie everything together, but nope.

It was the Fisher Price phone of movies. It looks fun and all, but good luck trying to make a real call with it.

My Big Big Friend (2011–2014)

Cute but not useful.

[4/10 · 5 October 2016]

This program is not highly suitable for educational value. The so- called "lessons" they try to teach the kids are mostly bull. I saw an episode in particular where they were convincing one of the children that he wasn't being a good friend because he wouldn't do what they were telling him to do. Okay, no. I do NOT want my kids thinking that they're not "cool" or a "good friend" because they won't give in to peer pressure. I'm not happy with the messages being portrayed by these characters. And don't even get me started on Lili. This child is such a spoiled little brat. I can't believe her attitude is considered to be acceptable for a 3-4 year old kid. I hate that they always seem to be bossing around their invisible friends and treating them so poorly, another lesson I don't want my kids learning. 90% of what goes on throughout these programs are very defiant and "no no no" behaviour. I just wish they could actually put something truly valuable in the show without going completely over the top about it.

Mike the Knight (2011–2017)

Mike the Knight - Racist

[1/10 · 14 October 2015]

I started watching this show with my year old son more recently, I thought it was cute at first. However, like most of the trash on children's television, I soon came to realize that this show is as bad, or worse, than most of the crap they air for kids these days.

Mike is always on a mission. And along the way he finds every single way to be rude to, ignore, alienate, and patronize his friends and family. In an episode I watched today he invited his friend Trolly over for a slumber party, and had the nerve to accost his guest for every single thing he did, and when the friend tried to tell a story he became even more selfish and ignorant and said to Trolly, "my sword is for telling knight stories, not silly troll stories." This comment may have been added with an innocent intent, but all I heard was, "my kind are better than your kind," an evil, intolerant, and racist comment that was inconsiderate and makes me wonder if the crew have even considered that the character is spewing hatred.

Mike is a mean boy who consistently puts his friends down, blames them for everything that happens to "him" and is extremely intolerant of his little sister. Exactly what is the point of a children's show where the main character supposedly "learns" from his mistakes only to make them again in the very next episode? The antagonist characters are supposed to be the vikings, and yet Mike is often the one antagonizing them first, perpetuating their reaction. What I see when I watch this show is a character who is both good and bad, and while it's more realistic in terms of human behaviour, this is a cartoon. There should be more imagination and real educational value. And where the heck is Mike's father? Worst example of a king I've ever seen. I am sick to death of this show.

I gave it a 1 because there is no rating LOWER than that..