belomestnykh Reviews

The Killer (2023)

Such a waste

[4/10 · 15 November 2023]

What a waste of Tilda Swinton's talent and time. This incredibly dull self obsessed film with the director and writer duo thinking they know something about life and are here to teach us the mortals. This failed attempt at an intellectual thriller that falls way short of being smart or entertaining.

What a waste of Tilda Swinton's talent and time. This incredibly dull self obsessed film with the director and writer duo thinking they know something about life and are here to teach us the mortals. This failed attempt at an intellectual thriller that falls way short of being smart or entertaining.

The Menu (2022)

Pseudo intellectual leftovers

[2/10 · 28 July 2023]

The Menu

Appetizer:

Trying to entangle us in a relationship between the two characters boarding the boat, who seemingly "do not belong" creates a rather exciting starter, though looking back at it, you can't help but realize it's the classic case of wishful thinking and hope for a better plot.

You don't get bread:

Or butter. Or anything else of substance for that matter. This doughy loaf of a film, with a concerningly underbaked script takes you on a multi course journey utilizing such technics as uninspired cinematography, lazy acting, predictable dialogue and on the nose obvious butter knife stabs at the "elite". Poorly cooked, poorly served, no tip.

Main course:

The events of this movie progress as follows. Advanced apology for the spoiled plot. After the party arrives to the island and settles in their seats, the writers decide to take us first to death and after to a cut off finger. As we all know, this is the only proper escalation, as one can die, but one can not not finger.

We find ourselves observing as a spy camera on the wall a pseudo intellectual lunatic interact with victims that don't seem to really care for life either way. What more do you need to keep you on the edge of your dining room seat, so close to slipping off and leaving to not have to watch this boredom any longer? Nothing. Yet you proceed to ingest (not eat, very important) this flickering celluloid further, as you are as well, content with your fate.

The burger:

Unlike In-n-Out, this island restaurant only has an "In" - no "Out". The entire time this slow paced detached, delusional and diluted idiot sandwich of a film makes everyone trapped. Until it doesn't. At some point it decided to just allow, more so - encourage - our main patron to fetch a thing in the dark by herself and not supervise her moves in any ways. And as she proceeds, she finds that one thing that sets her free - a photo of the Chef flipping a burger. Excited as a teenager ordering animal style off the secret menu, Anna Taylor-Joy flips the menu on its head and orders a medium with cheese. Oh what joy do you experience watching her act taking a bite of the round sandwich, like she's never had a burger before in her life. Not too hungry, she takes it to go.

Desert:

Seemingly our group of elites has developed stoicism beyond anyone's comprehension. Not only did they understand, but they have also accepted their fate. Not only are they burning in fire, but they have also developed a complete disregard for the fire that burns them alive. Ladies and Gentlemen - Mark Mylod, Seth Reiss and Will Tracy have defeated the injustice of the elites with a simple peasant S'More.

Barbarian (2022)

What a waste of talent, time and money.

[2/10 · 11 December 2022]

So disappointing. Was looking forward to seeing this one and was so let down. From the unnecessary red hearings, to obvious reshoot/pick up sequences, where lighting, make up and acting don't match, to completely inadequate character choices and scene development - this film has everything it takes to disappoint even those who expect generic run of the mill mediocrity (tautology for emphasis).

The best moments in the film are comedic ones and yet, this is not intended as comedy. Found myself asking questions, like how long does the main character's interview sequence need to be to not be brought up ever again and give me the information I already know? How much money did HBO pay for the licensing of this and more importantly - Why? Who read the script and decided to green light it?

Filmmakers used to be there to educate the taste of the masses, now directors on par with executive producers simply make films for the dollar signs.

Reminiscence (2021)

A four.

[1/10 · 18 August 2021]

This movie suffers from being way too cheesy, predictable and misogynistic.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

One of the worst things I've ever seen.

[1/10 · 26 September 2020]

Oh wait, it might as well be the worst thing I've ever seen. Film students have better works after their first month of school. Sloppy, poorly written, poorly shot, poorly acted, poorly edited. The best thing about this film is the title, I'd give them that.

The Gentlemen (2019)

Critics have no clue

[9/10 · 18 January 2020]

Please don't rely on what critics have scored, just read their reviews to understand that they have no clue.

The Gentlemen (2019)

What an amazing film

[9/10 · 18 January 2020]

This movie is phenomenal. From the editing choices, to a way of narrative storytelling, cinematography, costumes and of course acting. This movie is everything I miss in latest filmmaking. It's fun, it's fast, it's loaded with humor and it places twists around every corner for you to stay where you belong - on the edge of your seat.

The Laundromat (I) (2019)

Unwatchable

[2/10 · 28 November 2019]

This is not a movie. Just get that straight. This looks like a student film by a not so good of a student. When you watch actors act, when you watch cinematographer fail to even set up a decent composition, when the moral of the film is unresearched hype based sensation, you get this excuse for a film.

Acts of Desperation (2018)

What?

[2/10 · 10 July 2019]

To quote the main character: I'm so confused, it's not even funny.

That sums up this film very well.

A Star Is Born (2018)

Mediocre

[4/10 · 10 October 2018]

This film is ok. It's not worth the $15 I payed to see it. It's over two hours long for no reason, it drags the story where it needs to speed up and jumps when it needs to take its time. Many scenes and many shots don't cut well together. It's clear that there were reshoots and pick up days, lighting doesn't match a lot. Story is overtold and it is yet again a white nobody girl is set for life by a popular handsome and ritch white guy who later on ruins his own career and Jill's himself. If you feel like this is the story for you, don't watch it anyway, you already know everything. Watching this for Gaga is useless too, because most of the songs are intentionally bad, so it's not like you will see her perform much. Other than singing she doesn't act amazing either, ok, but nothing special.

Tilt (2017)

I understood this movie. This movie didn't understand itself.

[1/10 · 18 March 2018]

This film is a good example of what people that fail exams at film schools have to show as their thesis film. This hour and a half time wasting machine is full of cheap tricks that are surface level filmmaking. Calling this pile of garbage a film is a disgrace to film industry and filmmaking in general.

You may think that this is a psychological game, that it's much deeper and not for everyone, but it is not. This movie is not mysterious or challenging, it is very easily understandable, bad version of simple and not that hard to take in. The problems arrive when you watch a scene, know what it will end with and what will it lead to, then watch it do exactly that with no enthusiasm and emotional and visual attraction.

This thing is a pile of film-school-garbage made by someone who needs to repeat their program.

The Shape of Water (2017)

The middle ground.

[5/10 · 24 February 2018]

This movie is ok. I mean ok as not a masterpiece, but not that awful either. The problem is that I was actively reminding myself every 5-10 minutes "It's just a fairytale, let it be". There are so many moments in this film that require you to "let it be" that it turns into a movie that needs you to know its a movie to work. Yeah, their love is fine, but Elisa jumps from level 2 of curiosity to level 9 of love in a heartbeat and no, it doesn't work even in fairytales.

Everything is ok with this movie, the only question I have (and honestly would love someone to explain it to me) is: Why did they wait for the channel to rise instead of just driving this creature to the ocean themselves?

Wonderstruck (2017)

This is not a movie.

[2/10 · 19 October 2017]

You have to be a very talented writer and director to make Julianne Moore be flat and emotionless. This movie bores its audience so much, that I wanted to leave during the intermission at the pre-opening screening.

Two children - do not act well, but at the same time it is very hard to act in a story as flat and underdeveloped as this one - are trying to overcome the fact that they are deaf by running away from home to find their relatives (?) in a museum (??) while being in different eras (???)... This movie is long, only because everything that a character says, is right away written on the piece of paper and shown to the deaf character. If you want to read this story - read a book.

If you are deciding what movie to watch this weekend - choose a different one. This one isn't even worth your time if you get to watch it for free.

Dunkirk (2017)

Boring

[3/10 · 20 July 2017]

One of the most boring movies I have ever seen. Every time Tom Hardy is on the screen, you can have a bathroom break or refill your popcorn, as there is nothing that will happen that you might miss. Not that pretty,not that deep, not that good. The similar ending of a movie 'Boat that Rocks' has much more feel to it than this one.