songofkalima Reviews

Living It Up! With Ali and Jack (2003–2004)

Cringey

[1/10 · 30 September 2023]

I saw this once. If I remember correctly, it seems like there was a cooking segment with a guest chef and Ali Wentworth very proudly and quickly consumed a whole bottle of wine (maybe even more), with a few awkward laughs from the audience. It was very disenchanting and not funny at all, the manner in which she seemed to glorify and trivialize alcoholic intoxication. I just remember her acting like a poor rich fool, and I felt embarrassed for her and whomever her relatives are. She probably wouldn't have those bags under her eyes or act so obnoxious if she didn't drink like that.

Regardless of her husband's career or her political leanings, she absolutely does NOT represent the voters for the Democratic party.

Poison Ivy (1992)

Drew Barrymore at her most sultry charismatic bad-girl best.

[9/10 · 25 September 2022]

For all its cliché faults, I really love this movie and find the story itself very fascinating.

Drew is the mysterious teen young lady that just seems to come out of nowhere, dazzling the eyes of all around her, in particular, fellow female remedial-education program student Sylvie "Coop", who is both charmingly fascinated and enviously resentful of her beauty and allure.

Ivy is the image of a rebellious scandalous hussy, but seems to be all sweetness while convincing her of intimate mutual love and loyalty. Ivy (whose name was created on a spur-of-the-moment impulse), like a severe blistering rash which creeps up on you later and becomes almost permanent, just kind of abruptly butts into the lives of Coop and her parents in their luxurious mansion.

At first, everyone immediately dismisses and discredits Ivy's stereotypical appearance and mannerisms as a white-trash young dope-hooker, but as soon as she speaks, everyone falls under her spell. She is so eloquent and persuasive, and she's so gorgeously enchanting.

Drew Barrymore has never looked so glamourous & stunning. The choice of clothes on the costume set & hairstyling really accentuate her aesthetic qualities. Her coy mannerisms, no-one could ever pull off so perfectly charming. So simultaneously scandalous & elegant. And deadly. The sexy trumpet-themed soundtrack music is the icing on this cake.

Ivy, however, has a major shift of dynamics in her agenda for this ill-fated & already miserable, affluent family.

I sure would love to see the originally intended ending and any deleted scenes that hopefully are in the vaults that are just waiting to be restored someday. I loved reading the trivia, and I agree with the director.... "That's exactly what Coop would have said!".

I Am ZoZo (2012)

Terrible.

[2/10 · 16 December 2014]

This movie is so very not-good. I usually enjoy Ouija board films, which in general are usually not considered 'good', but I could not enjoy this film. I was very intrigued when I first heard of it, after reading and hearing stories of the infamous, notorious entity named "ZoZo"... oh man this is like the kind of film you would relax to. For real. I wanted to 'get the story', I wanted to understand it and I fell asleep several times while trying to watch this very boring immaterial film. I finally did manage to finish it off, but I will never watch it again unless I'm having insomnia. The filming and music is just awful too. Many times there is a long scene of just nothing, it is hard to hold attention, and you catch yourself trying to entertain yourself in some other way than this boringness, and when there actually is dialogue relevant to this very irrelevant film, you miss it. It is spooky at a very minimal level. It feels as if no effort was really put into this. I give 2 stars for using a very beautiful antique Mystifying Oracle board in this film.

A Slice of Terror (2004 Video)

The very worst and very unfunny

[1/10 · 24 March 2014]

I had wanted to see this movie for years. A close friend of mine, who is a fellow gay man, recommended this movie to me, said it was some cheesy slasher with some hot gay porn thrown in. So that was what I was expecting.... errr... well that's not exactly what it turned out to be.

First of all, this movie was made in 2004, and the video and audio quality are so awful that this movie is nearly unwatchable. Wow. And nothing really makes much sense, but I can sense the plot trying to be made, that there is a crazy dude who is wanting to take revenge on some guys. So there's weird people doing stupid things for about a full hour.

After that, the crazy dude hypnotizes these twink guys into sexual activities and that was where I was expecting to see this "hot gay porn". Oh this was terrible. The crazy dude commands each guy to perform a certain act and to humiliate the other, and it just took forever. It was similar to soft-core porn, but even worse. I admit these scenes did pull a few laughs out of me. It was ridiculously stupid. All these flaccid guys in an orgy and how they are all able to have sex with each other while flaccid. It was truly pathetic.

So then they kill these girls with pizza cutters and then they kill these guys and lay them all down on a sheet in a room and sprinkle cheese on top of them to make a 'human pizza' and act like they're slicing them with pizza cutters, then one guy wakes up and screams and you got the crazy guy again who is vowing to humiliate whoever.

OK, I knew this was going to be bad when I first heard of it, and when I read the reviews, but I love some unique indie stuff like "L.A. Zombie" or "The Gay Bed & Breakfast of Terror", but no this was not even comparable. I started to say the only film bad enough to compare this to was Wally Koz's "555", but even this film makes "555" deserve an Academy Award. The fake sex was the only thing I found humorous. I will admit though, that it is a bit creepy, some of the crap that was in this movie, and the fact that anyone had anything to do with it, and that someone made it and marketed it. To do so is delusional and the subject matter of this film along with the poor attempt does make me question the director's sanity.

With a budget just under $1M, it looks like it was made with just $15 dollars. I have to say that the music during the end credits was really nice, I don't know who composed and performed that song, but it was good. Or maybe I was just so glad that this hour and 48 minutes was finally over.

This DVD, out of print, as of the time of this being written, is being sold by 2 sellers on amazon for the outrageously shocking prices of $595.95 and $804.73. WTF????

The Dollanganger Saga: Flowers in the Attic (2014) Season 1, Episode 1

somewhat faithful film adaptation, but still fails.

[4/10 · 19 January 2014]

It definitely beats the old 80's version in telling how the story really goes. There are some things I wonder about though, does "Cathy" (Kiernan Shipka) have blue eyes or contacts, I couldn't tell. It seems she would according to the book (right?), I know Kristy Swanson had amber colored eyes.., you know you're not really going to find that in 2 blue-eyed parents as far as genetics go. And also Corrine is supposed to have been so sore from the whipping that she could not wear a bra, and I saw that in the preview she was wearing one, and hoped that it was misleading. In the film tonight, she was wearing that bullet-bra when she revealed the marks of the willow switch.

Honestly, Heather Graham's acting is terrible. There is not enough of Ellen Burstyn and this film just feels shallow. Even the 1987 film had better music and an eeriness that this film fails to capture.

I was very pleased to hear that "Petals On The Wind" is in the workings. I hoped the entire series would be done, but I've already noticed flaws in the trailer that make me wish this project had been scrapped. I am already convinced that this saga cannot be given justice on film. So read the books first, then watch all the crap and decide for yourself.

Beyond Love and Evil (1969)

Beyond Confusion & Boredom....

[3/10 · 21 May 2013]

I was so anxious to see this, I had been waiting for years. I love searching out obscure films and finding those hidden gems, but this certainly isn't one of them. I honestly can't remember the plot or what it was about, except that this couple stumble upon a house that holds a society that has philosophical codes inspired by the Marquis de Sade. In this house is a bunch of people, diverse in ethnicity, age, and sexual deviations, lots of costumes, face-paint, Mardi Gras-looking makeup, girls holding snakes and bunnies, nude women, bashful nude men (nothing hardcore) all enjoying their oddities while "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" from Iron Butterfly blasts in the background. Then there was this one girl with the fish and the octopus that may very well have been an inspiration for Daikichi Amano's disgusting "art". Crazy stuff that isn't even really entertaining. The sleazefest becomes some kind of romantic tale at some point, then gets all messy. The scene from the white tile room with the paintings of body parts was beyond ridiculous. Not based on any actual stories from the Marquis de Sade, just inspired by scenes and philosophical opinions. Definitely not based upon the story "Philosophy In The Bedroom". A very silly, psychedelic film. A bad trip that I found boring. I was disappointed. I am so glad I did not buy this film.

Italian Stallion (1970)

Terrible!

[1/10 · 21 May 2013]

I heard this was a 'porn' starring Sly Stallone. This stuff is certainly not X-rated, it could probably pass with an R today. No real plot, lots of nudity, but this definitely isn't porn. It's just a bunch of naked bodies rolling around in bed, on the floor, getting high, some spanking, some dancing, all set to a very cheezy disco soundtrack. I cannot even believe how awfully terrible, ridiculous and cheap this movie is. No reason to watch it, unless you just want to see Sly nude and limp. Reportedly, the director tried to blackmail Stallone with this movie for $100,000, and Sly said he wouldn't give them $2. He was right, because it would have been so not worth it, as this film is one of the most uninteresting films ever made.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

I never will watch this again, I want to erase it from my memory, please!

[2/10 · 3 December 2011]

I have to say this about it: I am all for freedom of speech and the arts and such, but I myself don't have any real respect for whomever decided to create such 'art' in film. I just think it was very unnecessary and insensitive to be illustrating human experimentation inspired by one of the most sadistic of the Auschwitz Nazi War criminals, Josef Mengele. I think it is quite tasteless and I also don't think it is such a good thing to be stereotyping the German people today with. And considering the mounting tensions between ethnic groups in Europe today, I don't think it's such a great idea to make a movie like this at this time. We have too much chaos in this world now. I think filmmakers aren't always considering the feelings of people, especially Holocaust survivors and their descendants. It seems that it has become so politically correct to be Anti-Semitic here recently and in the past few years, much to my shock and dismay. I think film makers should consider what kind of movie they are making, if they think this film will to add the fuel to the fire of any angry feelings between ethnic groups, harboring grudges or digging up bones, that's the only use I can make of a film like this. It seems just the kind of movie to be labeled 'propaganda' by some, defended as 'art' by others. I myself feel that the film is quite racist and highly misogynist. I seriously could have done without this. I have never been able to peacefully visit the toilet ever since without thinking about this awful movie, and that is seriously not cool. I regret ever watching this film, and it is likely that you may also. I feel as if I need a mental douche and a psychological enema. I do however, defend its right to be made and distributed, the choice of whether or not to watch it, I never will again watch this garbage. The only reason I didn't give it one star was because of Dieter Laser's excellently convincing performance as the sadistic surgeon.

Drawing Restraint 9 (2005)

May be perfectly delightful for some, a waste of 2.5 hours for others

[4/10 · 28 August 2010]

I saw this for the first time today. True, it is very 'artsy', I'll give Matthew Barney and Bjork credit, they are creative and it seems they are definitely soul-mates. I do have this somewhat 'love/hate' relationship with Bjork. Some of her music and stuff is amazing and great, other creations of hers are just plain out unlistenable. As far as a person goes, I applaud her for her outspokenness, but she seems like she is also a very rude and arrogant person. And the fact that she admits to getting 'roaring drunk' frequently, drinking a liter of vodka every week since she was a teen, is not very flattering. Of course her uniqueness and style is great, but sometimes it can get downright ridiculous, childish, and obnoxious. And she's been in fights at airports, not once but at least twice. When you read her interviews, she often contradicts herself and she just comes across as annoying and boring. And she used to be really pretty. She looks quite old in this film and now, and she certainly isn't aging gracefully. Doesn't she know, drinking is just going to make her age faster? OK, enough about Bjork, onto the film and soundtrack.

I knew this was going to be avant-garde, I respect that and I love many avant-garde artists. I wish I knew what kind of drugs I should take before watching this, so maybe I would understand it better. I admit, the photography and scenery are very beautiful, and many of the images are very startling. I didn't really understand this film, maybe a few things I did, but most of it, no. I guess I did kind of appreciate the 'cannibalistic/transformation' scene towards the end. Some people find it 'disturbing', well maybe I'm jaded, I've seen much more 'disturbing; in many other films. Besides, if you are familiar with Bjork or Matthew Barney, you know something at least slightly 'disturbing' is bound to surface somewhere. For the most part, it was just confusing and boring to me.

The soundtrack is quite awful. I'm glad I didn't buy it. There may be a few decent tracks, but mostly very boring, the 'music' has no beat, no rhythm, no melody, no structure, it usually just has what sounds like random notes being blurted from whatever instrument is being played at the time. Not memorable at all. I did like the Japanese vocalist towards the end of the film though, that was quite unique.

This film was long, way too long. I had to force myself to sit through this. I won't say the film was utter garbage, but I'll just say it wasn't for me. It had almost no meaning for me that I can recall. It was just too long, too abstract, and too inaccessible for me. I like to get to the point and stop beating around the bush. I'm sure some Bjork fans will really love and appreciate the film and soundtrack, and others are sure to be disappointed. I just don't see myself ever sitting through 2.5 hours of this again or listening to the soundtrack while driving down the road or while I'm chillin' out at the house smoking weed. I'm afraid you gotta have something a lot more potent than weed to enjoy this 'art'.